I particularly don’t like backstage areas.  They’re crowded, full of smelly, perverted guys and hormonal women who stare at others like vultures circling their prey.  Not only that but you feel as if you are in some sort of maze, dodging pieces of stage equipment, pushing through curtains and staying out of the way of extension cords lying on the ground recklessly.

“Lily?”

I cringed at the voice.  Backstage also meant Rob was somewhere in the vicinity.  Tonight, after fortunately not seeing his dead-to-me ass, he was fast approaching, closing in the space between us quickly.  “Hi, Rob.” 

“Does Jace know you’re here?”  He crossed his arms at his chest, eyes traveling from my toes to literally the top of my head.  Talk about feeling violated.

I crossed my arms, mirroring what he had done a few moments ago and shook my head.  “No, he doesn’t.  It’d be great if you wouldn’t say anything, either.”

He held his hands up in a giving up manner, giving me a slight nod.  “How’s the baby?”

I bit my lip, biting my words back as he continued to give his visual assault.  “Kira is fine.”

“How old is she now?”

I sighed.  He was getting really irritating to me already.  “Four months old.”

I saw a stagehand approach, tapping Rob on the shoulder.  He excused himself and I felt slightly lighter.  Ever since the day that package arrived, he was no longer seen as the man that was “just trying to make things better”, but as the man who just fucked things up.

I knew I couldn’t blame it all on him; I was to blame, too.  In fact, of JC and me, on this one, I took all the blame.  I have always jumped to conclusions too fast and made my own assumptions.  But, in my defense, when you see divorce papers, or, annulment papers in my case, what were you supposed to assume? 

There was something fishy about that man – and it wasn’t just his roaming eyes.

I heard the screams get louder as the music peaked at its hook, tugging on my tank top.  Though it had been four months, “body after baby” doesn’t leave quickly.  I wasn’t complaining too much; my waist was a lot more defined, but that meant a bigger bust and bigger hips.  Apparently, pervy Rob had taken notice to it.

I tugged at the vest I had pulled over the tank, it covering most of the problem areas and stared down at my shoes.  It had been yet another week since I had left with Kira and it was the first day I had actually been anywhere near JC.  He was near Pittsburgh for a KISS-FM radio show, performing four or five songs and hanging out in the backstage area most of the night with the VJ’s as other acts performed – he was actually the last performer of the night, making me have the greatest timing since I had not gone there to watch a show … I was there to work things out with my husband.

I reached down to my midsection, gripping the SLR camera that had been my 2nd baby ever since my 1st had been born, stepping to the side of the stage and leaning up against the concrete wall, watching him as he sang his heart out, as usual.  In the moments he sang, you could always tell when he was getting into the song and emotion when his eyes shut and he hung his head back, belting out a note or even when he was mouth against the microphone, eyes shut and a peaceful calm washed over his entire face.  In this moment, it was the latter.

Feet away from me, he stood, hands gripping the microphone and stand, one at the top on the mic and the other just inches below, eyes nearly shut the entire way, small smile playing on his face.  He was in jeans and a black polo, more casual than I had seen him in a while when performing.  Lifting up the camera, I looked through the lens and snapped a picture, watching as the preview loaded onto the screen.

He was beautiful.

And not in this Greek Adonis-sort of way, either.  His beauty exuded any physicality that I had ever envisioned: his soul, his strength, his emotion, his talent.  His voice stopped me in my tracks more than once and God, the way he took care of Kira nearly took my breath away.

I could only imagine how he felt when I left with her.  My heart ached at the thought.

I looked away from the photo, just in time to see his gaze scan over the crowd and to the side of the stage, eyes lighting up when the focus settled on me.  Even if he had dressed casually and made it seem like he was in a great mood, I saw the tension leave his shoulders, I saw the way he squared his body towards mine, gripping the microphone and tilting his head just so.  I saw the corners of his mouth turn and I saw the finger that aided in holding the stand point at me. 

I was stupid to believe those papers.

“Lily –“

And Rob.

I put my fingers to my mouth, letting them linger before extending them to him, returning his soft smile with my own.  Rob was literally inches away from me when I turned my attention to him.  “Rob, what?”

He shoved his hands into his pockets, looking at the center of my forehead before letting his gaze drop lower.  Jesus.  He had never crossed me as the kind to be as creepy as he was becoming, but whatever reason he started to be such, it was really disturbing. 

Probably because I was now starting to hate him and really notice everything but what had been good about him.

“I just wanted to see what you were doing here.  I didn’t think you and JC were on speaking terms now.”

I scoffed, turning my gaze and meeting JC’s yet again.  He was looking at me almost as if he had wished me there and poof, I appeared.  It was a good feeling; not like the one I was getting on the other side of my head, where Rob’s eyes were burning into.

“Lily, I think you should go.”

I shrugged off his hand, pushing him away from me.  “Don’t touch me, understand?  I am not leaving until I talk to my husband.  After that, I will leave with him.  Put your hands on me again, Rob, and I will have your job.”

“So you’re going to get me fired because your soon-to-be ex-husband wants nothing to do with you?!  Honey, that’s not my problem.”

“No, your problem is going to be my husband if you don’t keep away from me,” I snapped, pushing him away yet again and startling back when I felt his hand grab at the belt loop near my backside, his fingers pressing into it before he finally walked away.

Yeah, I was officially creeped out.

“You guys have been an amazing audience!  Good night!”

I shook off the feeling, feeling the smile broaden on my face as JC fast approached, his grin nearly as wide as his own face.  I wasn’t able to even form words before his body was crushing mine against the wall, his hand behind my head and the other supporting the small of my back.

I pushed us away from the wall and away from the side of the stage, he still holding tightly to me as he released my head, wrapping his arms tightly around my body and pressing his lips to the side of my neck, eyelashes ticking my skin as he breathed deeply.

Normally, such things happening after a shower were things I’d tease him and playfully push him away because he was all sweaty, but after three weeks of not seeing him, two of not talking and three of not even being able to feel him, it was greatly needed.  I held him just as tight as he held me unable to contain the grin and the tears that pooled at the bottoms of my eyes, a few falling down my face as I burrowed myself into his chest and neck, inhaling the scent and making me make a permanent memory of it. 

He finally pulled away, removing his arms from around my body and to my face, pressing his lips hard against mine.  Though it wasn’t a lingering, full-on make-out session, I still felt his passion and his hurt – and that made me weaken at the knees.

“Where’s Kira?”

“Back home with my mom,” I said softly.  “This is some much needed husband and wife time, not mommy and daddy.”

“I agree,” he said, tone matching mine.  “Husband and wife need a lot of time together.”  He exhaled slowly, eyes studying mine. “I missed you so, so much.”  He placed his forehead to mine, still holding my face as I nodded in agreement, shaking his head along with mine as he chuckled slightly from the movements.  “Promise me that your stubborn ass won’t ever leave again?”

I pulled away from him, removing his hands from my face and letting them drop to the sides as I reached down, taking the hand closest to me and kissing it before lacing my fingers between his own.  “Where’s your dressing room?”

He stepped ahead of me, tugging my hand as to follow him, grip tight.  He was quiet the short walk down to the hall that held the dressing rooms, he pushing it open with his free hand and flipping on the light.  “Here’s my dressing room.”

I released his hand, pushing the door closed and locking it.  “Promise me,” I said softly, playing with my camera as I turned it on, flipping through the photos until I came across the one I had just taken of him, “promise me that you’ll love me, fight with me, live with me and make love to me with the same emotion as when you have here.”

He took the camera, laughing slightly as he studied his own face.  “God, Lily, the emotion I have there is nothing I have when I’m with you.  It doesn’t compare.”
“If I had half of what your face showed there –“

“You’ve got more than half, Lil; you’ve got it all.  You’ve gotta believe it.  You gotta believe me and trust me when I say I would never make decisions like the one you thought I had made weeks ago without you and I talking about it first.”  He set the camera down, nodding at the couch for me to sit as he went to his duffle bag and sorting through his clothes, pulling out a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt.  “I’ve got nothing to hide,” he said softly, standing only feet away from me as he pulled his clothes off (he was going to kill me) and held his arms out to the side before showcasing what was before me.  “What you see is what I have.  I offer you nothing more than I can and nothing less than what’s best for you.”

“I fell in love with you a long time ago, Lily.  Nothing has given me a reason not to love you.  Nothing except for the love I grew for you after you had our daughter has changed.  I still love your stubborn ass but I need you to promise me something.”

I watched him kneel down in front of me, hands resting on my thighs as his body snaked up closer to mine, face merely inches away.  “Promise you what, Jace?”

He swallowed, eyes studying mine.  “Promise me that if you ever begin to think of leaving, you’re taking me with you,” he said softly, voice a pain-riddled whisper.  “Promise me you won’t leave me behind.  I can’t take it again.  I don’t think I could handle it happening again.  Whatever problems we have, we lay it all out in between us and we figure it out together.  No more leaving, no more accusations; I’ve gotta know that we can fix things together and not have you run away … especially with my daughter.”

I reached up, running my fingers on the smooth skin of his jaw line.  Nodding, I made a silent vow to myself to keep Rob’s shenanigans to myself as to not cause any more turmoil.  “Okay,” I said finally, letting my fingers drop to his bare chest and to the simple corded necklace around his neck.  “Just as long as you promise to love me, even when I do something stupid like that.”

He grinned, letting me pull him up and over my body so that he was towering over me, looking down at my face with an unreadable expression gracing across his features.  “Oh, baby, I love you regardless of your stupidity.”

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head.  “Gee, thanks, Chasez.  Make a girl feel special.”

I felt the primal growl rumble in chest as he turned me to the side, lying on top of me.  “I can make that happen.  I have made that happen before; a lot of times with you.”  He grinned as I laughed, pressing his lips against mine once more, this time taking away any modesty he had being out in a public area and assaulting my lips as he bit them, soothing them with his tongue as I opened my mouth to him, letting him take complete control.

His hand rested on my hip, gently rocking against me as I bit back a moan, other arm just at my head, holding his chest up so that he wasn’t crushing me.  Breaking the kiss, he let his head drop to my chest as he continued to grind against me, hand on my hip slowly circling to my belly and sliding up, up, up to my lace-covered breast, firmly grasping as I gasped, his mouth dropping to the exposed skin of the column of my neck. 

My nails scratched slowly down his back, over the loose denim of the jeans he had pulled on before crawling to me, grasping at his ass as he continued, my hands (with a mind of their own) gripping the waist band and tugging slowly, wanting the jeans off as fast as I could get them in my fogged-up, sex-crazed haze.

They were just over his ass when a knock on the door stopped any and all foreplay.  Defeated, he dropped his head to my shoulder, body collapsing against mine as I felt his erection, painfully hard against the fabric of his boxer-briefs and the denim of my own jeans. 

“Jesus,” he mumbled, voice low and filled with defeat.  “I can’t even fool around with my wife without getting interrupted.”

I smiled slightly, squeezing his ass gently.  “Just imagine when Kira is old enough to start barging through the bedroom door … and if there’s another kid involved.”

“I’m investing in a deadbolt for our bedroom,” he murmured, “a deadbolt, a chain and a security code.”

“Little drastic, aren’t we?”

“Little horny for my wife,” he groaned, voice still low as he tried to ignore the incessant knocking.

“JC, are you in there?”

I closed my eyes tightly in frustration and irritations toward the voice behind the door, feeling the intensity settle back against JC’s shoulders as his weight seemingly doubled just by the voice.  Running my hands up and down his back in a calming matter, he sighed against my skin and kissed it gently before lifting his head and looking towards that door as Rob knocked once more.  “Fuck,” he groaned, getting up and grabbing at his slightly fallen jeans, tugging them up over his slim hips and buttoning them.  “Yeah, I’m in here.  I was … napping.”  He grabbed his shirt, tugging it over his head.  Kneading at his crotch, I couldn’t help but feel bad for him and the painful member just south of the border that did not get the attention it had needed.  “What do you need?”

“Can I come in?  I gotta talk to you about something.”

“No, not right now,” he said, eyeing t he door peculiarly.  I’m getting ready to change and head out.  Promised Lily a dinner at her favorite restaurant around here …”

I grinned at his plan, he meeting my gaze and giving me a wink before throwing the rest of his things back into the bag.  “I just want Chasez Café,” I said softly as he turned, shaking his head in disbelief.  “What?”

“So you saw her here?”

He raised an eyebrow as he turned towards the door, looking back at me as I shrugged.  “Yeah … why?”

“Jace, be careful, dude.  She had that look in her eyes.  I just don’t want you getting hurt again; that seems like that’s all she wants to do.  I don’t think she’s here for the right reasons.”

He startled, turning to look at me as I shook my head in disbelief, staring at the door incredulously.  “What do you mean by that?”

“ … Well, she is the one who filed for that annulment, was she not?”

“That was after you sent those divorce papers!”

“Her heart obviously isn’t in this, Jace –“

JC sighed, raking a hand through his hair.  “Look, Rob … I’m tired, hungry and ready to put my fist through the door just so I can hit you in irritation.  Go back to the hotel, get some rest and we’ll talk in the morning.”

“Jace –“

“Rob, seriously, go.”

I watched the tension in his back through his shirt, he sitting down beside me as I ran a hand down it, trying to ease the strain.  “Relax, baby,” I said softly, he still eyeing the door and watching the shadow underneath the cracks.  “Just breathe …”

“Jace, don’t trust her.”

“Go!”

I jumped at his outburst, his reaction to my jump reaching back and grabbing my hand, keeping me from moving.  “Jace –“

“I’m okay,” he said, shaking his head in disbelief.  “Can we just go back to my hotel room?  I’ll take you out to dinner tomorrow.”

“Baby, we can do whatever you want,” I said softly, pressing the heel of my hand into the center of his back between his shoulder blades and trying to ease the tension.  “We can stay in if you want …”

“Even just spend hours upon hours in bed?”

“Yeah,” I smiled, leaning over and placing a kiss to his shoulder.  “Right after I rub all this tension out.”

“I knew I loved you for a reason.”

I laughed, not able to help my gaze from lingering at the door.  Rob was up to something … and it wasn’t good.

I knew I hated him for a reason.