Kira was fast asleep lying on her daddy's chest the next morning when I woke, he lying in bed watching some station with music news on it. The smirk on his face brought curiosity out, smiling when I pushed myself up to look at him. "What's so funny?"

He turned his head, smile widening as he met my tired gaze. "Ah, nothing; they're just trying to piece together a love-triangle between Justin and Britney. Somehow, in their messed up minds, they think that Justin is going behind Jessica's back to see Britney and they've got something going on again."

"Secret love affairs of the *NSYNC clan, I suppose," I said, lying back down on my side and reaching up, touching my baby's soft hair, eyes fluttering gently as she stirred, mouth parted and drooling on her father. "How long have you been lying here with her?"

"About an hour," he said, shrugging. "She woke up to be fed, I fed her. Put her back in her room and she slept until she needed to eat again and she woke up about an hour and a half later."

"I didn't hear her -"

"That's because I have the baby monitor," he nodded over towards his side of the bed, "I wanted you to sleep. You haven't had a full night's sleep since she was born. I got to when I was away. It was my turn."

"I'm used to it by now ..."

"Well, I'm home until tomorrow. Let me take the reigns on getting up with her." He lowered his chin, placing a kiss to her head as he shut his eyes, leaning up against the bedframe again. "I'm still trying to grasp onto the reality that I've got a baby girl. I mean, I obviously know, I'm holding her, but it seems surreal."

I nodded. "The moment it was real to me was the moment they put her on my stomach. You don't get that attachment because you didn't carry her for so long. Your moment will come."

He jumped slightly as his phone began to ring on the nightstand, Kira stirring and opening her eyes, dramatically yawning and lifting her head weakly, trying to make sense of the sound that had woken her. "Sorry babygirl," he said softly, silencing the ringer as I sat up, taking her gently away from his chest, letting her little head rest on my breast, arm under her bottom as he greeted whoever was on the phone. "Hey, Rob, what's up?"

I lowered my gaze to my daughter, seeing the flash of recognition go across her deep blue eyes, blinking slowly as she woke. I lifted her, supporting her head with my fingers as I stared at her little face, her tiny features, smiling widely. The sudden change of tone in JC's voice brought my eyes to him, bringing Kira down to cradle her, he giving me a look as he got up, leaving the room as he began to talk louder. Yeah, like we needed more problems.

Getting up out of bed and setting her in the bassinet, I rummaged for clothes, idly listening to the conversation in the bits and pieces I could make sense of. I had just peeled off my shirt when he came into the room once more, sighing deeply. "Jace," I said softly, lifting the tanktop up and over my head as I walked towards his irritated form, "what was that about?"

"He sold the rights to OK! Magazine."

I stepped away from him, confused. "Rights? What rights? Lyric rights? Song rights?"

"No," he said, shaking his head as he crossed the room to sit on my side of the bed, his eyes settling on our daughter as he watched her stare up at her mobile, he turning the knob for it to sing softly. "For baby pictures."

"That better mean baby pictures of you and I," I said, he shaking his head in annoyance. "Josh ..."

"I know, baby," he said, an angry sigh escaping his lips as he ran a finger over Kira's face and got up, facing me. "I know we discussed this before she was born and I know we agreed not to sell photos to any magazine ... but apparently, that fell upon deaf ears."

"Then, we'll just call the magazine and back out of it ..."

"We can't," he said, running a hand through his hair, "he signed a contract. A contract that states if we should ever violate the agreement, as in, giving our photos to another magazine or breaking away from it all together, we owe them the money they were going to pay us for all their ... "trouble" to get ready for the photoshoot."

"I can't believe him," I mumbled, JC stepping into me and wrapping his arms around my shoulders, leaning his head down and placing a kiss on my head. "He better pray he doesn't come into my line of vision for a very long ass time."

"I already bodily threatened him," he murmured, "he asked why I wasn't letting him do his job and I told him I was doing my job as a protective father. He said he didn't understand me, and I said he never would unless he had a life to care for. That's when he hung up."

"I can't tell you how much I want to hate him right now," I said, pulling away from JC as he looked on in curiosity, "but I can't. Even though this is by far the most ridiculous thing he's done."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I never would have been where I am now if it wasn't for his dumbass." I chuckled slightly as JC realized what I meant. "Do you really think that you and I would even be here if it wasn't for his ridiculous idea? Even if you and I both felt something for one another, I highly doubt you and I would have made a move to say something about it, given our relationship on a personal and business level. We had a mutual respect and a personal relationship with those words spoken would not be the same. We probably wouldn't have been able to look at one another the same ever again."

He leaned forward, hand cupping my cheek. "I don't think that I would have been able to hold back how I felt about you for very much longer, regardless of he getting in the way and putting our lives through the grinder. I was falling in love with you, Lily; this crazy little woman who believed that everyone was getting something she deserved so much and when it was right in front of her, was completely oblivious. Little touches, wanting to be around you more, staying in your room when mine was perfectly fine ... all factors of me wanting to just be in the presence of you. I wanted to feel your skin, smell you ... I wanted to just be around you at all times. You made me feel alive again. You made me so scared of wanting to feel what other people felt that I wanted to just jump right in; I wanted to dive head first without a second thought because that was how sure I was."

He sat down on the bed, extending his hand for mine to take as I stepped back into him, he pulling me onto his lap to straddle him, he burying his face into my neck. "I love you, Lily." His face tickled my skin with the hints of his days old beard, voice vibrating against my skin. "I love you and Kira and this life we have. I don't care that it was put together by an idea. I don't care that people are going to talk because I'm in love; I'm in love with you, regardless of how we got together. I'm in love with you because you love me. You loved me enough then to put your life on hold to make mine better. I don't want you to think about me first anymore, Lily. Let me take care of you. Stop worrying so much and let me take care of it, of you and Kira."

I held onto the back of his head, hands weaving through his hair. "I love you, too." Pulling his head away, I caught his warm gaze as a smile formed on my face. "Jace, I love you, too."

He pressed his lips to mine, hands gripping the small of my back as his kisses trailed down my chin and to the hollow of my throat, resting at my collarbone. "Come on, get dressed. Let's go get breakfast."

I nodded, pulling away as his grip tightened, keeping me there. "JC," I laughed, gripping his wrists as he smirked, "if you want me to get dressed, I have to get up."

"I don't want you to get dressed," he replied, "but I guess I will let you do so."

"Good, 'cause I'm going to shower." I got up, shaking my head at the gleam in his eye, taking one last glance at my sleeping baby and disappearing into the bathroom. His movements were heard as he sang softly to himself, peeling off my clothes and reaching for the shower knobs, welcoming the immediate steam that went up to my face as the hot water hit the bottom of the tub. I set the temperature to a comfortable level, stepping in and closing my eyes.

Back before I had even met and worked for JC, I was the queen of large water bills. Thirty, even forty-five minute showers were my passion. Sure, living on my own in a small, one bedroom apartment back then was like paying the bill for three, even four people, but I didn't care. Stepping into a shower felt like the shedding into a new skin. The water poured on you and off your body, ridding you of the day and letting you start anew. I liked that. I liked being able to wipe the steam off of the mirror and look back and someone different.

And then I got the job with JC. Suddenly, my showers were ten minutes, maybe less. There was always a sense of urgency surrounding everyone that worked with him. Not necessarily sent by him, but there was always something needed by Rob, or some other assistant that I, somehow got the task of doing. I was a push-over. It could be three in the morning, getting a call by the pregnant make-up artist who was craving potato chips. Not just any chips, but the salt and pepper chips that were only sold in certain places, certain states. And, as usual, I'd go all over God's creation until I found them. Four hours of searching a bag of $3.49 chips. My job wasn't worth it; I wasn't getting paid enough. I should have left. Something was holding be back, keeping me there.

One wild guess as to what that something was.

I wasn't complaining; there definitely wasn't a complaint escaping my mouth. Especially when his face would appear and give me that sweet smile he always gave when he greeted someone. As we got closer and more comfortable, sometimes a greeting would consist of a kiss on the cheek and a 'hey, honey' or a lingering hug where all I could smell was him and everything that defined him. I swore to myself that if I inhaled deep enough, I could probably take his entire soul in through my nostrils.

And that was one of the defining moments I realized I had a slight crush on JC Chasez. Though, it wasn't slight; it was quite enormous, actually.

"Who said anything about a shower?"

I jumped, eyes shooting open as he stood in front of me under the water, cracking up at how he had startled me. "Jeez, give a woman a heart attack," I put my hand to my chest, unable to hold the grin that formed when his hand covered mine, he stepping into me and looking sympathetically at me. He placed a kiss to my neck, slowly bringing his face to mine and kissing my lips deep and passionately.

"Sorry, honey," he murmured, finally pulling away and licking his lips slightly, water dripping down his face and matting his dark (although colored and had-been slightly graying) hair to his forehead. I watched the water fall off of his face and down his body, from his shoulders to his chest, quickly rolling down towards his stomach and towards the area where our hips were connected, feeling him against me, hard and warm. I raised an eyebrow as I met his gaze, he shrugging and looking a bit guilty. "I'm totally not sorry for that one," he said lowly, voice disappearing as his mouth met the sweet spot below my ear as I leaned into him, hands gripping his shoulders. "That was all you."

"Yeah, one look at this body after baby body surely would have turned you off, not on," I mumbled, his grip on me tightening as he pressed another kiss to my shoulder before pulling away and looking at me with an unreadible expression. "What?"

"You had a baby, Lily," he said softly, hands cupping my cheeks, "and by my reaction to you, I don't think you should be worried about that, all right? You're still beautiful. You're still the same woman I fell in love with."

I nodded, eyes dropping closed as he placed feather-weight kisses on my skin, the aroma of soap filling my senses as he used the washcloth that had been hanging on the side, running it across my back and towards my collarbone. "We're never going to get to breakfast if we stay here," I murmured as he chuckled, hand dropping down my body as the continued to lather me up. "It's getting very hard for me to do my normal shower."

"Your normal shower doesn't consist of this hot of water," he chuckled. "Let me wash myself and I'll let you finish up, okay?"

I nodded, watching as he turned, reaching for his own washcloth that had been sitting in a pile with the newly laundered ones on the sink. Without thinking, I stepped forward, wrapping my arms around him and placing my cheek against his back, feeling his muscles loosen with just my touch. He turned in my half embrace, wrapping his arms around me and kissing the top of my head. "What was that for," he asked softly, mouth to my knotted shower hair.

"I love you," I responded back softly, feeling him kiss my head. "Thank you for loving me regardless of how I saw myself and seeing me the way you have for so long. For giving me Kira, love ... this life that feels as if it were too good to be true."

"I love you, too," he smiled. "And it's you that should be thanked. For everything you've ever done, even without you knowing, for me." He smoothed my hair away from my face as he began to wash himself as I washed my hair, shutting my eyes and letting the lingering scent of the soap and shampoo invade my senses once more.

It really was too good to be true. No one had a picture perfect life, a picture perfect love - hell, not even a picture perfect family, regardless of how hard they tried.

I just knew that the walls would cave in eventually; even with me trying to think optimistically about it all.



"Can I just have a cherry-filled pastry?" I asked, the woman nodding as I looked up at the menu, "and a hot tea?"

"I'll have an egg and ham biscuit, hold whatever sauce it is you put on it," JC replied, standing next to me but eyeing the paparazzi who had found us, they standing across the street near our car and shooting photos. "And a coffee, black."

I looked at him as the woman began to put together our order, Kira on the shoulder closest to me and out of vision of the paparazzi, her head to his shoulder, bottom supported by one hand as the other gently rested overtop her face, keeping her from being a victim of a paparazzo shot. Eyes slowly moving towards the cameras, I sighed deeply as he turned to look towards me, our eyes meeting. "It'll be all right," he said gently, voice quiet as I nodded, knowing he'd never let them unintentionally harm her or hurt me as I had been hurt when they had caught wind of us being in my family's hometown. "They'll get the pictures of us they want, but get pissed 'cause they can't get Kira's face."

"And that's when they get more forceful," I pressed, he shaking his head with a frown on his face. "They'll crowd us and somehow, you'll move your hand and they'll get a photo. They'll get too close and hurt her. I swear to God, if they hurt her ..."

"They won't, baby," he assured, turning and using the hand that had been covering her face to open the sling that was hanging on my shoulder to put her tiny body inside, using the blanket that he had on his own shoulder and putting it over mine, the blanket covering the arm that was supporting her bottom and her completely. "See? They won't even see her."

"It's not seeing her I'm worried about."

"They come even ten feet in proximity to you, I'm calling the police," he replied, "I'm not taking any chances, either. Don't think I forgot what they did to you when you were pregnant with her," he added. "You're my girls, I'm not going to let them take that away from me. Or anyone, for that matter."

"You make it sound like there's a hit on us," I smirked as he cracked his own little smile as the woman placed a tray in front of us, he accepting it and paying with cash, telling her to keep the change as we walked to the back of the bakery, sitting down and taking the blanket, uncovering Kira's little face as she yawned dramatically, sucking every so often on the pacifer in her sleep. "I just don't want them pushing up against me like they did that time."

"They won't, I'll make sure of it." He took a bite of his biscuit, giving me a sweet smile in the midst of chewing. "No worries, Lily. No worries at all."

"I'll hold you to it," I said, laughing as half of his biscuit fell into his lap. "No worries, sure. But, stains, we've got those!"

He grunted, picking up the pieces of egg and ham that were now leaving marks on his jeans. "I can't believe I did this. You're the messy eater!"

I laughed, shrugging as I took another bite of the cherry pastry, he putting all the egg and ham on his plate and pulling a fork out from the napkins he had got, eating them that way, only to cry out when ketchup he had used for his now regular eggs slopped on his shirt. "Do I have to bath you like I have to bath the baby?"

"Only if you're in the bath with me," he retorted, bringing his eyes up from wiping off what he could (thankfully, it was a black shirt) to mine, the gleam in his eyes suddenly there once more. "I mean, we could have a repeat of this morning ... only more steamier."

"I can't stand hot water to be too ... hot."

"I didn't mean it that way, der-deh-der."

"Are you calling me stupid," I asked in slight shock as he laughed, shaking his head. "Then what are you calling me?"

"Just a little bit ... oblivious. A little bit of the 'get the joke way later'."

"I did just have a baby, I lost a lot of my mentality from lack of sleep."

"Don't blame the baby, darlin'," he chuckled. "You never really got the jokes anyway."

"Coming from the King of Ruined Jokes himself."

He chuckled, finishing up his food quickly and sitting there, just watching me eat, his eyes every so often going down to Kira. "You about ready? I want to get home and change."

"Oh, no bath?"

"The only times I ever get into a bathtub are when you're involved. And, being that I can't really do stuff with you that I'd like for at least another week and a half, I think it's best we don't bring up baths."

I grinned, taking the last bite of my pastry and sliding out of the booth, he walking over to me and taking the blanket, fixing it just-so. "You ready?"

I nodded. "As ready as I'll ever be."

He took my hand, thanking the woman behind the register as we exited the bakery, he instantly pulling me close as the paparazzi swarmed closer, throwing questions at him back to back, not even waiting for answers.

"How's your baby, JC?"

"How's married life?"

"Is it true the baby is sick?"

He stopped, turning towards the voice that had asked him that. "As you can see, she's out and about with us. She's perfectly fine and beautiful." His grip tightened in aggravation, squeezing back to comfort him as we waited for it to be safe to cross the road.

"What about your music? Are you still working on going out on a full tour or are you going to wait until she's older?"

"What's your next single going to be, JC? Do you feel pressure to make it just as good as the first?"

"Are you still friends with your former groupmates?"

"What about Justin? Is it true he's engaged to Jessica?"

"Yes, I'm still friends with them," he said, giving them a light smile. "They were my brothers for 9 years and it hasn't changed. And no, not that I know of. I don't think Justin has even thought of marriage yet."

"Like you? Did you really think of marriage?"

JC pulled me to his side as he opened up the back passenger side door, letting me slide in before he shut the door so I could put her in the carrier without them seeing more than her toes, a baby on both windows and the blanket that was still draped over it from when I had gone out still there as I tried to maneuver her in there with the blanket that I had on my shoulders over her face, it a slightly difficult task.

"What do you mean, did I really think of marriage?"

"There are reports that your marriage was forced by your management. That you two are only together to bring more circulation about you to the media. And that your baby was made on a drunken tryst on a boat. That the two of you don't even sleep in the same room when you go home."

I froze, hearing almost an entirely true statement come out of the other man's mouth. Oh, this couldn't be good.

"Excuse me?"

"A source has told my magazine that you only agreed to marrying Lily for publicity. That the inevitable happened after being with an attractive girl for so long and that resulted in a baby. You two are only keeping up the image because of the baby."

"None of that is true," he said, voice rising in anger. "I married Lily because I was in love with her. Yes, it was a last minute decision to marry, but it's one decision I will never regret. That baby, that baby you are reffering to is the light of my life. Those two girls in that car are not in my life because of some publicity stunt. They're in it because the timing was right and I chose the path I am on. I love Lily and I love my daughter. I shouldn't have to defend that. I shouldn't have to defend my personal life or my personal choices. You can tell your magazine that. Quote me."

I cringed when he got into the car, slamming the door shut and steering it out of the parking spot and onto the road. I saw how he sat completely straight, hands gripping the wheel so tightly that the color in his knuckles had disappeared and it was now as white as a ghost. "Jace," I said softly, his eyes meeting mine in the rearview mirror, "are you okay?"

"I don't know how they found that out, Lily," he said softly, "granted, a lot of it is untrue, but for every untrue statement, there was a true one. They're catching on and I don't know how ..."

"Let them try and dig up dirt, they won't find out anything, baby ..."

"They already did, Lily. There's always a loophole. Somehow, they will find out it was planned; that Rob had set it up. Somehow, they'll find out that you and I didn't get together by our choice."

"But we're together now by our choice. We could have just as easily pulled a Britney and annulled this."

"Did you see all the negative press she got for it, too?"

I frowned. "Is that all you're worried about?"

"What?! No! I'm just saying, that's what happened. I don't want any of this to happen, but I have a feeling that wasn't the last of those questions."

I sighed, looking down at Kira as she began to fuss, waking up from her morning nap. She'd need to be fed soon. "Then you just keep answering them like you just did ..."

"There's someone leaking this information, Lily. There's someone on the inside telling them things. If it continues, our lives are going to be hell; tabloid after tabloid; rumor after rumor. They're going to do to us what they did to Nick and Jessica. First, it's turmoil: I'm partying too much and staying out late and you're cheating; then, it's on the rocks: I sleep in a seperate bed; you packed your bags and spend days at a time with a family member; then, it's the end song: you move out with the baby, leaving me with the house and divorce papers. It's a system. This is what they do. Hollywood is full of people who can't hold a marriage and the media thrives on that. The media feeds on the negative so much that they will do anything in their power to make sure it stays that way. There are only a few handfuls of people I know that can keep the positive of that damn place. I will not go down negatively, Lily. I will not let them win."

"Then don't get angry about this," I said softly, he sighing deeply as he nodded. "Don't get angry about something you can't help. Let them talk. Prove to them that they are wrong."

He nodded. "I will. I just ... I don't want to put you through this. I don't want to go through this. I don't want Kira to grow up and somehow, someday, stumble upon all of this old tabloid papers about her mom and dad and think that we weren't as truthful to her as she once thought. I don't want my daughter to be raised in a life so negative."

"Then we leave California," I stated. "At least, we leave the Hollywood areas: Malibu, Laguna Beach... we move somewhere quieter. Somewhere where we won't be bothered as much."

"And where do you propose we go?" He raised an eyebrow at me, intrigued. "Out of state? A different city?"

"Away from here," I said, frowning, his gaze softening at my tone. "Away from places where I fear my daughter growing up and getting hurt or growing an ego larger than the state itself. Somewhere where we can raise her and be happy in private without cameras always up our asses."

He smiled, nodding. "Okay."

"...Okay?"

"Okay, I'll call a realtor," he said, nodding his head. "We'll start looking online just to get a general idea and then get a realtor involved."

"You'd actually move?"

"Yeah."

"For me?"

"You're my wife," he laughed. "Where you lead, I will follow."

"You've been watching too much Gilmore Girl's reruns with me."

"You don't have to tell me that." He smiled, turning the car onto our road. "But really. If you were going somewhere, I'd be right next to you. I'm not staying behind. That's not in the husband card and that certainly is not in the daddy card, either. I would never let you leave without me."

"I just hope this all blows over."

"It's going to be a long time before it does," he said softly, eyes settled on the road as I sighed, looking back down at Kira and feeling annoyance with the entire situation. Why had I agreed to this in the first place? Granted, I would never trade my daughter for the world or JC for that matter - but did I really want to have to face all the drama that I knew would occur shortly if the media fed on what had just been thrown at us? "We'll just have to tough it out, all right?"

I nodded, unbuckling the seatbelt and then undoing Kira from her car seat, relieved that no one was around to take pictures as we went into the house. He went in ahead of me, already peeling off his t-shirt and jeans as I shut the door, shaking my head as I laughed. "You know, you're lucky there wasn't anyone out there trying to snap some photos because they would have got a good shot of your ass crack!"

"Well, they can kiss it!" He laughed, playing with the band of his boxer-briefs as he climbed the stairs, Kira and I in tow. I ducked into the nursery to feed her, he in the bedroom changing and singing the same song he had been singing earlier that day.

It was a half hour later when I finished feeding Kira, silence coming from my bedroom as I lie her already fast asleep form into the crib. That was the good thing about newborns (or barely newborns, in my case): they only did so much. Eat, sleep, poop. That was their agenda and they stuck to it; until they got older and stayed up a lot longer and threw longer crying fits. Truth be told, I couldn't wait until she was awake more than asleep. With him being gone or performing, I got lonely. It'd be nice to have a body around for company ... even if it is a baby.

I adjusted myself, walking down the hallway towards our room and pushing the door open, expecting to see him sprawled out on the bed passed out. "Jace?"

Silence.

I stepped into the room, seeing that he was definitely not asleep on the bed, it still made from this morning. "Babe, where are you?" I looked around, finally spotting him on the opposite end of the room, eyes glued to his laptop. "What are you doing?"

His eyes never broke their gaze from the screen, he picking up the laptop and walking towards the bed. "Come here."

"Why, what's wrong?"

"Just, come here."

I followed him, crawling up onto the bed and sitting next to him as he set the laptop on the space in front of me, letting me read an e-mail he had received.

Subj: Party's over.

I have proof your marriage is a hoax. I have further proof that it was only done for your benefit. Just wait until the magazines get a hold of what I have in store. Your celebrity days are over, Chasez. You made a mockery of Hollywood, of marriage. No one will want anything to do with you once this is out.

I swallowed hard, looking at him. "It'll be okay," I said softly, trying so hard to make myself believe this. "Remember last month when it was written in a tabloid that it was a hoax and it blew over? This will, too. This will go away quicker than you thought ..."

"Lily, just prepare yourself," he said softly, voice monotone. "Just, please, be ready for this. Don't get scared off, don't run away from me because this isn't something you want to face. I don't want to face this, either but now, we may have to. I can't do this alone, I need you to be here. I need you by my side for all this."

I turned to look at him, his face pale. "I'm not going to leave you over this," I said softly, hand reaching up and touching his face, instantly reacting and leaning into my touch. "This isn't really a bump, moreso, a large pothole. If it expands, we'll be stuck awhile, but I'm not going anywhere. We're in this together."

He nodded. "Just promise me something."

"Anything."

He looked at me through half-lidded eyes, licking his lips slowly as he inhaled. "Promise that you'll love me in the end."

"The end of this? Or the end of life? Because you've got me for life, Chasez."

He smiled weakly. "I knew in the back of my head there would be a day this would happen; I just didn't want to believe it."

"What? That you're stuck with me for life? Well, believe it, buddy."

He laughed. "Even if you weren't here for life, I'd be stalking you and attempting to keep you for life. That's not what I meant, though. I knew that somehow, in Rob's twisted ways, it'd all come around full circle with Karma. I knew that this wouldn't end quietly or calmly. This little story we had ... not what the media wants and they'll find something to make it better for them. I just hope we both stay intact at the end if something should occur."

I closed the laptop, setting it down on the nightstand and lying down, pulling him down with me as he lie his head on my chest, hand gripping mine while I weaved my hand through his hair. Staring at the wall in front of us, I thought about the consequences. I knew them in the beginning and I knew them now, so why was I suddenly second guessing myself when I should have done it before? Or, more so than I did?

Because I loved him. And though I didn't know it then, he loved me.

So why did I feel like the walls that I was so afraid of crumbling had started to crack and the entire foundation we had built for ourselves had started to fall all around us?