"Are you ever going to go back to him?"

I looked up from working on the baby book, just finishing up the 'How mommy and daddy found out I was coming!' section and securing the first copy of the sonogram into the photo slot on the next page. "What do you mean, am I ever going to go back to him?"

"Uh, that?" Charlotte stood in the doorway of she and Jeremy's kitchen, eyes boring into mine as if I were transparent. "It's been nearly three weeks, Lily. Now, I love you, but I love Jeremy a little bit more and our love life has been lacking because of you being here ... and we're newlyweds. It shouldn't lack."

"So I've worn out my welcome," I asked, smirking as she shook her head, still giving me a shrug, "then what? You just want me to leave so you can do it with Jeremy?"

"It'd be nice," she laughed, pushing off of the doorframe and sitting down next to me, her fingertips holding the book and sliding it towards her. "It's February. Valentine's Day is soon and you're supposed to spend it with someone you love, not your sister and her husband. Besides, JC misses you."

"You don't know that."

"Oh, so the numerous phone calls that I've gotten with dead air and then a sigh of disappointment following right before the person hangs up on me isn't him trying to hear your voice? Or the fact that if you love someone and they go away, you miss them? Because we all know he loves you, Lil. You have to give him a little more credit than you have been. I know you're pregnant and you're emotional and getting really clingy because you don't want to be alone, but he knows that, Lily. He's working hard so you won't have to be. He's making money so you can go with him and do what you please without having to work and worry about this baby. He's working his ass off for you and that baby. He's going two hundred miles an hour without looking anywhere but ahead, and you and that baby are the reason why. He came by yesterday when you went to the furniture store."

I felt my breath hitch in my throat, fighting back tears as I stared at the wood of the table. "Oh?"

"Yeah, 'oh'. He asked if you were home because the two of you just needed to talk. He said he missed you and he knows there was a lot of things he should have said to make you understand and a lot of things he should have listened for when you spoke to him, but he didn't because he was taken aback by how cold you were to him. He knows he screwed up without calling you and spending more time at work, but Lily, that's what he does. He's a workaholic. He's a career-driven, music-making workaholic! He always has been, and you knew that from the start! You should have understood that! He loves his job, he loves what he does - but he loves you, too! He's still trying to juggle the two to make it work for the better and he's trying so hard. Give him a chance, at least. Let him make it up to you and for Christsakes, stop ignoring his text messages!" She pointed to my cell phone that lit up at that moment, the chair screeching as it rubbed against the lineoleum of the floor. "And seriously, just ... go talk to him. Get out of the house for a while. I beg of you."

I sighed, closing the baby book and taking it and the phone up to my room, sitting at the desk and flipping through channels, stopping when I heard Ellen Degeneres mention JC's name. I never liked that woman.

"Our next guest was known as one-fifth of one of the most hugely successful boybands of the 90's and early 2000's, he now making his name as a talented solo artist, along with writer, producer and actor - his current work with the Backstreet Boys' own AJ McLean and various guest spots on television shows during primetime, please welcome JC Chasez!"

My stomach twisted, watched as the two walls opened, he walking through the entrance with a smile on his face and raising his hand in a sweet hello. At that moment, I felt like a fat-ass. My husband, who was always, always insanely skinny, was dressed in a pair of black pants, a white belt and a black button-up, that he had tucked in. The man had no hips, no waist, no width to his legs ... not to mention no ass.

And here I was, large belly, widening hips, growing ass and water weight just hanging out in my ankles.

Really. I hate you, JC.

"It's good to see you again," Ellen greeted as I watched she and JC hug after their little dance that she usually did with guests. "The last time I saw you, it was right after news broke that you got married and were expecting a baby. That was right after Thanksgiving, am I right?"

"Uh, yeah," he nodded, smiling. "It was when Joey was here to promote his show and we were actually playing it, I think?"

"Yes, that's right, that's right!"

I frowned, seeing the bags under his eyes that make-up couldn't even hide. The darkness contrasted with the blues of his eyes, his whole face looking tired. I was horrible.

"So how have things been going since news broke? We didn't really speak about it because you were the surprise guest and it was obviously taped before news really broke about the pregnancy, but how are things? How's being married? The baby coming along well?"

He nodded, his whole body kind of nodding with his head. "Everything's great. We found out right around the time the show aired the sex of the baby, Lily's been handling pregnancy well ... she's a beautiful woman, but this, this just takes her to a whole new level ..."

"She is a beautiful woman," Ellen said as they both turned, looking at a photo on the screen of he and I at my party, my head resting at his collarbone, leaning into him as his hand rested on the small of my back.

I suddenly loved Ellen.

"And this picture here," Ellen stated as another came up, the unwanted smile on my face forming as I a photo of JC and I sitting in front of my parent's Christmas tree right before my sister's wedding popped up, belly protruding, his hand protectively over it, our heads leaning against one another and smiling widely, "this picture is the most recent of you two?"

"Well, we have more," he replied as I saw him blink hard and clearing his throat, "but those ones are more of just her and the growth of the baby belly."

"She's how far along now?"

"Well, she's due in May," he said softly, scratching his head as he thought, "so she's about six and a half months?"

"And you said you found out the sex of the baby," Ellen asked, looking at him as he nodded. "Are you sharing with the world?"

"I don't know if I should tell you all," he laughed as everyone coaxed him from the audience to tell him, "I mean ... it's really not for me to say ..."

"Well, where is she now? I'll call her and ask her!"

"She's uh, she's visiting her sister in San Fransico," he said, moving his chair uncomfortably. "She just recently got married so she's been going back and forth from our home to theirs to make sure their comfortable."

"Well, I was told by a little birdie what you two were having, and I got you two a little something," she smiled, getting up as she pointed towards the side of the stage, his head following her hand and laughing as a woman came out, pushing a rose colored bassinet that looked way too expensive for my tastes but beautiful nonetheless. "I know that you're releasing an album soon and I know that this is why you and Lily actually met in the first place, and that you actually sing to her belly," she paused as everyone 'aww-ed', he blushing at this, "so I figured I'd bring that into the mix so your baby girl will still have daddy singing to her when she's in her bassinet." He laughed hysterically when he heard 'This I Promise You' begin to play, she holding her microphone to the speakers so that everyone could hear what he was hearing. "Does mommy sing, too? 'Cause I could add that on ..."

"She does when she thinks no one is listening," he laughed. "She's got a soft, sweet voice but she wants nothing to do with the industry in that way, which I respect because I think I put us through enough to last a lifetime. She definitely knows she isn't a professional by all means with her singing," he laughed, sitting down and touching the fabric of the bassinet. "That's why I love her. She knows no one is perfect." He got quiet again as Ellen went on about the bassinet, he nodding as if he were listening, but I knew better. He was back into his own little world, one that he didn't go to unless he was lost and hurt.

And I, of course, put him there.

I really suck.

And I want that bassinet.

"So besides the baby, how's married life? Are you enjoying that? Somebody told me that you were quoted saying that marriage was something far, far away from your future and that was only three years ago ..."

He shook his head, letting a smile grace his beautiful face once more, "things change," he said, nodding. "You come across people that change you in different ways, make you see different things that you had never seen before. She just so happened to be the one person who made me want marriage more than I have ever wanted anything. She made me a mushy romantic-type of man who writes songs about her, buys her lilies ... I've become the stereotype."

"And you like it that way?"

"I do," he nodded. "I mean, every man has to be romantic once in a while. I care about her, I love her ... it's just a way to say that."

"Like 'You Ruined Me' - doesn't sound like a promising song," she laughed as he grinned, shaking his head. "Hey, honey, you ruined me, thanks."

"It's not like that at all," he laughed, shaking his head again, "it's like ... she broke me in, I'm hers. I'm damaged goods, no one would want me anyway. Kind of like, she broke me into a mold that only fits with her - that glass slipper that only fits her foot. No one else fits. No one else makes me feel the way she does."

"And she ruined you ..."

"She ... ruined me from ever loving anyone else because without her, nothing matters. Everything is nonexistant."

Ellen smiled, leaning forward and touching a cd case. "Now, I got to get my hands on the demos for your new album which is being released when?"

"April 28th," he smiled, "it's actually like, a week before the baby is supposed to be born."

"So you'll be having a crazy few weeks," she smiled. "And you brought the next single to perform?"

"Actually, no. I'm going to be singing a song on the album, but it's not a single."

"And it's called?"

"I'm Not Sleeping Alone," he said, she getting up as the curtains raised on the performance stage, a man that I had recognized a few times from his acoustic performances way back when sitting there, acoustic guitar in hand. "It's a newer one, though a lot of people already know it."

"Cover song?"

"Leaked," he laughed. "It's actually a favorite of my fanbase that I've been told, so I figured I'd sing it. It actually has a place in my heart at the moment."

I felt the tears prick the corners of my eyes once more as I realized what song it was, my hand reaching forward and touching the screen where there was a close-up of his face. God, I missed him.

"All right, well, when we come back from commercial, JC Chasez will be performing a song off of his new album, 'The Story of Kate'. Tune in!"

I licked my lips, reaching over and grabbing my cell phone. Three new texts. Now, I was biting my lip. I tried not to let my mind tell me not to open it, not to feel even more sorry for myself, hitting the 'open' selection and looking down at the words in front of me.

One.

Two.

Please ... come home.

Three.

"And now to perform 'I'm Not Sleeping Alone', a song off of his upcoming album, JC Chasez!"

My heart skipped a beat as I looked up, nearly dropping the phone as the lights dimmed, the camera panning over the entire set, he and Thomas (yes, that was his name!) sitting in the center, Thomas on a stool, JC sitting behind a beautiful black piano. Soon, the tears were falling just as quickly as his fingers danced across those keys.

Your toothbrush is still next to mine
Your clothes are hanging in a closet
And I'm still living here
You paid the deposit

Now the future is unknown
But I'm not sleeping alone ...

I'm sleeping with a memory
I'm sleeping with regret
I'm sleeping with a fantasy
That I can't let go of yet
Half of me is you
Everything I own
I feel you beside me
Oh, I'm not sleeping alone
I'm not sleeping alone
I'm not sleeping alone

I wonder where you are tonight
What's going through your head?
Hey, I'm doing all right
On my side of the bed

You think I'm here on my own
But I'm not sleeping alone ...

I'm sleeping with a memory
I'm sleeping with regret
I'm sleeping with a fantasy
That I can't let go of yet
Half of me is you
Everything I own
I feel you beside me
Oh, I'm not sleeping alone
I'm not sleeping alone
I'm not sleeping alone

You think I'm here on my own
I'm not sleeping alone ...

When I put my head on the pillow
And I enter the world of my dreams
Everything is as it was before
Still loving me
You're still loving me ...

You think I'm here on my own
But I'm not sleeping alone

I'm sleeping with a memory
I'm sleeping with regret
I'm sleeping with a fantasy
That I can't let go of yet
Half of me is you
Everything I own
I feel you beside me
Oh, I'm not sleeping alone
I'm not sleeping alone
I'm not sleeping alone
You think I'm here on my own
I'm not sleeping alone

Hoping I still feel you beside me
Don't you know, I'm not sleeping alone

I couldn't move as he finished the song, hands clasped underneath my chin, eyes burning from lack of blinking. I watched his head turn quickly at the bridge, saw the glassy look in his eyes before masking his emotions, saw the emotions he was hiding all but in his eyes, saw the frown lines by his lips as he slowly forced a smile to his face, bowing his head in appreciation to the screams that he was getting as the credits began to roll on the screen. I saw the man I had fallen in love with slowly fall apart some more and my heart broke.

And little did I know, my sister lived a mere ten minutes away from Saint Francis. He was just that close to me and didn't make it.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," a man stopped Charlotte and I dead in our tracks as we walked through the main emergency room doors, hands larger than my entire body, "where do you think you're going?"

"To see JC," she said matter-of-factly, almost saying it as if he were stupid. "This is his wife, Lily -"

"I need proof of that ..."

Charlotte grabbed my purse as I froze mid-movement, eyes going past the big man. I saw a hint of dark hair in a room parallel to us, saw the familiar structure of the side of the face, saw -

"Lily!"

I jumped, Rob's calls to me bringing me back into reality as he rushed towards us, face pale but cheeks red. "He's gonna be okay, just a pretty nasty bump and a couple bruises -"

"What the hell happened?" I asked, voice just above a whisper. "What the hell brought him here?"

"You," he said, looking at me as if I were crazy, "he came here for you."

"Oh."

"So what happened?" Charlotte asked, eyebrows raised. "How did he get into this predicament?"

"Freak accident," he said, sighing deeply. "Was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Apparently, though I'm not really sure if the entire story pans out since he hasn't really woken up yet to tell us if it's true or not, he was knocked down a flight of stairs and smacked his head against the wall after some guys at the top of the stairs started to fight. He kind of walked into the middle of it. The one guy shoved another and he knocked into JC, which, in turn, knocked him down the stairs. He was knocked out cold. Hit his head pretty hard, but the doctor said there's no damage, just a little bit of a concussion. A few more inches over and he would have knocked his head off of the edge of a glass statue and that probably would have been a lot more problematic. The side of his face is swollen and he's got a bump near the crown of his head, some bruises on his hands and arms from trying to stop himself from falling, a pretty big bruise on his hip, too - but he'll be all right. Once he wakes up, they're gonna see what's going on with his conscious state and he should be able to go home."

"What the hell was he doing? Where was he?"

"The local mall. He wanted to buy something for Lily and the baby."

"Stairs? In the mall?"

"All right, escalators, whatever."

I ignored the back and forth conversation of my sister and Rob, walking past them and slowly entered the room, holding my breath. The entire left side of his face was fine, but as I approached him and walked around the side of the bed, I saw the damage done to his face, the minor brush burns to the top of his cheek and the bruising on the bone, saw the angry red and purple marks on his temple and to the center of his ear, cringing and feeling my stomach churn at the sight. Rob wasn't lying when he said he was covered in brush burns and scrapes: the tops of his hands were also an angry red, pieces of skin lifted as it does when it's scraped pretty roughly, his lower arms looking the same. There was a long scratch on his arm and hints of bruising around it, too. It looked painful.

And then I realized that it was the first time in three weeks that I had seen him. It made me realize just how much I missed being near him and how I wouldn't know what to do if something worse had happened. Made me realize that he was it for me, that regardless of what we have to do to make it work, we would.

I sat down next to him on a plastic chair that was none too comfortable, taking his hand and kissing it softly, the baby fluttering around almost as if she knew her daddy was near. In a crazy way, I think she did. Mommy was calmer with daddy around and though it wasn't the best way to end up back in the same vicinity with daddy, I instantly felt better and she felt everything I felt.

I got up, jumping as I felt a swift kick to the lower abdomen. She definitely was making her presence known. I put his hand there, and almost as if on cue, she kicked once more. She had always been a kicker, but as the days wore on, they were getting stronger and stronger. Today was definitely one of those 'holy hell' stronger moments.

I put his hand back down hearing him moan in discomfort as he stirred, biting my lip and watching as he came to. One eye slowly pried open, followed shortly by the other. He looked exhausted, uncomfortable, disoriented. He tried to get up, freezing when his eyes clenched shut. He had felt the pain in his head. I stepped forward, unsure of what to do and literally feeling my heart stop when his head turned in my direction, eyes meeting mine. "Lily?"

"Hey, baby," I said softly, reaching forward and touching his hand gently, he looking at me quizzically. "How do you feel?"

"Like I ran my body through a hot fire," he mumbled, still confused. "What happened? Why are you here? I was coming to see you -"

"You had a little accident," I said softly, watching as he gingerly put his head back down on the pillow, "fell and bumped your head pretty good."

"I'll say," he mumbled, "this headache is nauseating."

"Jace," I said softly, "you were coming to see me."

"I was," he said softly. "Well, actually, I was coming to get you. I wasn't going to let you stay there without a fight. I wanted you to come home."

"I'm sorry." I shifted my position, he lacing his fingers through mine and tugging weakly so that I was sitting on the edge of the bed, "I'm sorry I was such a pain in the ass -"

"But that's why I love you," he said, smiling weakly, "I love you because you're a pain in my ass and I love you because you chose me. Lily, I never meant to hurt you, I just ... I got so excited about this album finally being done that I let it overpower everything else ..."

"I don't want any explanations," I said quietly, putting my fingers to his mouth and silencing him. "I should know that this career is your life, that music is your first priority. I fell in love with you knowing that. I married you knowing that ..."

"No," he said softly, shaking his head slightly, "you are my first priority. That baby is my priority. Music comes after that. Music is my life, but you are my love. Love surpasses everything. Love conquers all and in the end, if I had to choose my life or love, well, love would win." He closed his eyes, cringing again as I wiped a tear from my eye, watching him shift uncomfortably. "I want you to come home and I want to prove that to you -"

"You don't have to prove anything to me," I argued, he opening his eyes and watching me as I fought back tears. "I love you. That's all that matters. I'm just being emotional and crazy because I still don't understand how I, of all people, got you. I feel as if you're going to just fall from my grasp at any time and I'll lose you ..."

"Baby, you're never going to lose me. That's not gonna happen." His eyes were sad as he reached up, gently grazing his fingers against my skin and smiling weakly. "I love you. Only you."

I nodded, leaning forward as he pulled me towards him, kissing him gently. "I love you, too."

"That song was for you, you know."

I raised my eyebrow, suddenly realizing what he was talking about. "Really."

"You knew, don't lie," he laughed slightly, hissing out in pain. "You brought out the cheesy part of me again."

"It was beautiful," I said softly, "it made me cry."

"Made me cry, too."

"I noticed."

He grinned, the color returning to the apples of his cheeks and his eyes. "You've made me a big baby."

"And you made me one."

He laughed, eyes casting down to my belly and laughing slightly. "You got so big!"

"Gee, thanks ..."

"No, I mean ... three weeks ago, you weren't a basketball!"

"I'm pretty sure I'm still not a basketball -"

"You're belly, goof," he laughed at my lame attempt at a joke, hand sliding from my face down to my belly. "You were like, a mini-dodgeball compared to this when I saw you last."

"I'm glad we can compare me to different assortments of athletic equipment."

"Well, we could compare you to something else ..."

"You're disturbing."

He quieted, eyes warm as I looked at him, questioning. "And you're beautiful."

I bit my lip, leaning forward and kissing him again. "I want to come home."

"Good," he said, his nose against mine, "because if you were't going to want to, I was gonna tie you up and take you home anyway."

"You would."

"It'd be good for the bedroom ..."

I smiled, taking his hand and kissing it gently. Thank God we were back to normal.

Well, at least as normal as we could get with him lying in a hospital bed.