Chapter 19: Songs & Roses
Justin couldn’t believe what just happened. It felt like a dream to see Hayden right in front of his eyes. He felt like his head was playing games with his heart…with no warning she just shows up back into his life. He couldn’t stop the feeling in his heart to be near her again and at the same time he could see the pain in her eyes.
“Hayden…what are you doing here?” Justin said extending his hand to help her up.
Hayden picked up her fallen camera and cautiously slipped her hand in his. Immediately she felt a spark ignite between their hands and it scared her. She had spent months picking up the pieces to her heart and out of nowhere; Justin re-appears and manages to crack the walls she had built around herself with just a touch. For her own good, she needed to get out of this situation and fast.
“Ask Johnny…I…I gotta go.” Hayden said before running down the hallway and disappearing behind the doors that led back to the busses.
Justin contemplated running after her but instead he headed in the opposite direction intent on finding Johnny. Hayden was the last person he thought would show up again in his life. The truth was he was elated to see her again and get a chance to patch everything up between them but he couldn’t deny the anger and pain he saw in her eyes the moment she saw him. It hurt to know that he had caused that reaction for her. After making a couple of quick turns down the back halls, Justin finally found Johnny going over some paperwork with Keith.
“Johnny, man, we got to talk!” Justin said upon approaching the two of them.
“Alright…Keith, give this to the day crew and check on the merchandise guys to make sure they have in stocks on everything. Oh and let everyone know that we’re having a status meeting at 4:00 back here.” Johnny said to Keith before turning his attention to an anxious Justin. “J…what’d you need?”
“I just ran into Hayden…why didn’t you tell me she was going to be here?” Justin said crossing his arms over his chest.
“I didn’t find out Hayden was coming until last night. I thought you’d like to hear everything from her rather than me.” Johnny said flipping through some more notes for the show.
“Yeah, well…she basically ran off once she saw me, she told me to ask you about her reason for being here.” Justin said shifting his weight from one leg to the other.
“Look J…we hired EPC to do promotions for the tour, which just so happens to be Hayden’s company. Jim Smith, Hayden’s boss, was pleased with Hayden’s work thus far and he sent her to accompany the tour and help out. Hayden had no idea she would be back on tour with you; in fact, she accepted the position before knowing who the artist was. She looked so freaked out this morning when I took her to her bus, that she probably never would’ve agreed to it…had she known it would entail working with you.”
“Why didn’t anyone let me in on all of this? This is my tour and damnit I’d like to know if my ex-girlfriend is going to be showing up all of a sudden. Shit Johnny…you know how much she means to me and you didn’t think, hey maybe Justin should know this stuff?” Justin’s arms were now flailing around and his voice was getting louder with each passing second.
“Don’t get all pissed off with me because she’s here. She’s here to do a job Justin. Give her a break…this can’t be easy for her.”
“Yeah well…news flash, this isn’t easy for me either.” Justin shouted back before heading into his dressing room and slamming the door.
”Oh he’s definitely got it bad for her still…” Johnny thought to himself as he walked away from the tornado that was Justin.
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After fleeing the hallway, Hayden ran back into her bus and collapsed onto the couch. Every emotion possible was flowing through her body and it was screwing with her head. Before seeing Justin, Hayden felt content with her life and with her choices she’d made. However, seeing him again brought back the memories and as much as she wanted to deny it, the feelings. How in the hell am I going to be able to spend the next couple of months on tour with him? What did I get myself into?
Hayden sighed and rolled her neck to try and release some tension. Knowing her boss was probably expecting an update soon, she decided to clear her head and engross herself in her work. After turning the computer on, Hayden started uploading the pictures she took earlier. Quickly, she organized them into a PowerPoint presentation and sent them away to Jim. However, she started to type up some notes regarding merchandise displays and some ideas to try for the next arena, when suddenly there was a knock on her door.
Hayden saved her work before heading down the stairs to open the door. Thankfully, it was just Johnny checking up on her.
“Hey Hayden…how’s it going?” Johnny said.
“I’m good…I just sent all of my stuff off to Jim so I’m done with everything until show time.” Hayden said proudly.
“Good to hear…well you’re free to do anything you want. However, we’re having a status meeting at 4:00 near the dressing rooms. Make sure you’re back before then. Oh, one more thing Hayden. Don’t worry about Justin…he’s just a little shocked right now.” Johnny said while winking at her.
“Thanks Johnny…” Hayden said trying to laugh it off. After closing the door, Hayden decided she needed some time to just get away. Grabbing her purse and her passes, she started to make her way out of the arena.
“Hey…wait up…” An unfamiliar voice called out to Hayden.
Quickly turning around, Hayden was face to face with someone about the same age as her with dark brown curls framing her face. “You’re Hayden right?” The girl asked.
“Yeah…that’s me.” Hayden said uncomfortably.
“Sorry…didn’t mean to freak you out of anything. I’m Dana, one of Justin’s back-up dancers. I saw you leaving your bus and wanted to introduce myself quick.” Dana extended her hand.
Hayden visibly relaxed and shook the woman’s hand. “Pleasure to meet you. I was just about to head out and walk around. I was getting a little claustrophobic being contained to just the arena.”
Dana giggled. “Yeah, I know what you mean…”
“Well, if you’re not busy…you’re welcome to join me. I wasn’t going to do much, maybe grab something to eat too.” Hayden offered.
“Yeah…I’d love to.” Dana said before falling into step next to Hayden. The two of them made their way out of the arena and past a few fans that recognized Hayden immediately. Hayden signed autographs and even took a few pictures with them.
“So Hayden, I heard you’re here working on promotions for the tour…I know it’s your first day, but how’s it going so far?” Dana asked as they walked down the sidewalk.
“It’s good so far. I love my job and getting to work on a tour is my dream.” Hayden said while putting her sunglasses on.
“How’s being back with Justin?” Dana asked. Hayden tensed immediately at that question. “I didn’t mean to be to forward…never mind…let’s pretend that I never even asked that.” Dana said trying to back peddle.
“No…it’s all right. It’s definitely weird being on tour with him especially since the last time I was with him, we were together. So it’s different, but it’s my job…so what can I really do about it?”
“True…well listen here, if you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to ask. I’m always around.”
“Thanks Dana...I really appreciate that. Trust me…I think you and I will definitely be hanging around a lot more.” Hayden said as she hooked elbows with Dana and continued to walk around downtown St. Paul. Dana was genuine with her friendship and Hayden was glad to have someone on the tour to hang out with.
Four o’clock seemed to roll around quick for Hayden and Dana. They had spent the entire afternoon shopping and talking like old friends. It was exactly what Hayden needed to get her mind off of Justin. Upon returning to the arena, the girls swiftly unloaded their bags and made their way towards the dressing rooms for the meeting. Hayden felt the butterflies in her stomach, knowing she was about to come face to face with Justin again.
She had successfully avoided her thoughts of him the rest of the afternoon and now she was about to face them head on again. This tour might be the longest couple of months in her entire life.
“Hey girls…so nice of you to join us. Where have you been Dana? We’ve been looking for you everywhere.” Luke, another back-up dancer, asked.
Hayden felt a pair of eyes boring into her and she tried desperately to keep her eyes focused on Dana and Luke. She didn’t have to look up to know whose eyes it was. Ever since their run-in earlier, Hayden did everything possible to avoid Justin the rest of the day. However, there was no avoiding this meeting and she’d just have to deal with the awkward glares.
“We decided to head out for some girl time…” Dana said nudging Luke while Hayden scooted in next to her.
“Hey Hayden…I’m Luke, nice to meet you.” Luke said offering his hand.
“Pleasure’s mine!” Hayden said winking at him.
Once the entire crew had been summoned Johnny immerged in the middle of everyone. “First, thank you to everyone for being her tonight. The reason I am holding a meeting is just to give you a basic update about the tour. Everything’s been going really well in terms of the actual show. Biggest thing I need from everyone…please make sure you have your passes on you at all times. There have been some issues with fans getting a hold of passes and we cannot be compromising security. Second, I wanted to introduce a new member of the crew. Come here Hayden.” Johnny said while waving her over.
Hayden felt her stomach drop when all eyes turned on her. Dana literally pushed her into the center of the group and Hayden clung to Johnny’s side.
“This is Hayden; she will be helping with the promotion for the tour so you might see her walking around taking pictures or hanging posters. She actually worked for Justin and I a couple of months ago so it’s great to have her back on the team. Right, Justin?” Johnny asked knowing the question would get under Justin’s skin.
“Yeah…definitely.” Justin murmured.
“All right…well that’s all I have for right now. Have fun tonight and let’s look forward to another great show.” Johnny clapped his hands together and the crew started to disperse.
Hayden needed to get out of that huddle fast; being near Justin again was really starting to tug on her heart and her emotions. She was confused about where they stood, what she felt for him, and even if he wanted her there. The last time she had talked to him, they parted on extremely bad terms, but it’s been months and she was trying desperately to hold onto the strength she found after him. Luckily, she had managed to sneak away into the crowd without any incident and was safely tucked away into her bus.
Once inside, she made her way into the back of the bus and brought out her journal. Ever since California, Hayden found it easier to write her feelings out rather than bottle them up. Furiously, the pen started to take on a life of its own and the words just flowed out better than she could speak them at that moment. Her head was so consumed with her feelings and words she never even heard someone get on the bus. Completely oblivious to the intruder, Hayden continued to let the emotions fall from the tip of the pen. She felt free and in control again and it was exactly what she needed.
“Hayden…”
“What are you doing here Justin?” Hayden said without even taking her eyes off the piece of paper.
“I…we really need to talk.” Justin said sitting down on the couch beside her.
“What about?” Hayden said coolly. She wasn’t about to let him take over heart again and she would fight with all of her strength to keep him at bay. The months following their break-up allowed Hayden to just be herself again. She was able to hang out with her friends and family again without all of the questions and pictures. She never worried about what the press would say anymore and she was learning to just be happy being herself. Throwing Justin back into her world was testing her resolve.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” Justin persisted.
“What if I don’t want to talk about it?” Hayden said meeting his eyes for the first time with a fire behind them that he’d never seen before.
“Look…I’m sorry about how everything ended between us.”
“Please tell me you didn’t come on here to apologize. Justin, that was over four months ago…its fine.”
“Don’t lie to me…I can see it in your eyes and I saw it this afternoon when we ran into each other. You still hold it against me and I don’t blame you…but I don’t want this tour to be awkward between us.”
“Surprise…it’s going to be awkward. Justin we were dating before and it’s always uncomfortable to be around your ex again, especially since we were intimate with each other.” Hayden said throwing her journal down beside her.
“I know I hurt you and I’d give anything to go back and change what happened on your graduation and I certainly would like to change what the media did to us…but I can’t. I just want a chance to make things better between us…” Justin said reaching for Hayden’s hand but she was quick to retract it before he could intertwine their fingers.
“I’m sorry Justin…right now it’s just too hard for us to be anything other than employer and employee. I’m here to do a job and I plan on doing it to the best of my ability. I will do whatever you ask me to do, in terms of the tour. But as for us…I just can’t give you what you want, I don’t even know if I want that.” Hayden said softly.
“Hayden…I can see it in your eyes and I can feel it. You have feelings for me, just like I do for you. I’m not willing to give up on us this time. Tyler told me that if I want to make things work between us…I better be ready to fight. This time…I’m going to fight for myself, for you, and for us.” Justin said before standing up and making his way off of her bus, leaving Hayden to be stunned by his words. This was exactly what she didn’t need right now.
Once the door shut, Hayden was left to sift through their entire conversation alone. Justin made it clear of his feelings but Hayden wasn’t even sure what she was feeling. I’m screwed! Hayden said out loud.
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Finally, show time had arrived and Hayden was busy running around the arena, making sure that all the merchandise was out, the wristbands were ready, and most importantly the fans were hyped. Justin’s fans were everything to him and although he’s not able to connect one on one with each of them, he wants all of them to have a great time at his shows. Once the gates opened at the Xcel Energy Center, it was a mad rush of people and Hayden was quick to get out of the way. Fans were running to the merchandise tables, some ran to get drinks, while most ran down the stairs to make it to the floor. This was everything she hoped it would be and she was proud to be a part of the tour.
Once the fans were seated and the initial rush died down, the sounds of P!nk blasted through the speakers. Hayden knew this would be the time to get all of her last minute details done before heading down to watch the show. Quickly she whipped out her camera to take pictures of some signing and even the stage from different sections of the arena. After finishing some little things, Hayden headed down to the VIP section to watch the show with Johnny.
Once inside the gates, she felt the energy of the crowd sweeping through the arena. Some fans were quick to recognize her and asked for pictures, Hayden was happy to oblige but it still made her uncomfortable. After finding a place on the side, the lights went down and the screams were so loud she had to cover her ears.
“Is it always this loud?” Hayden yelled to Johnny.
“Definitely…I’ve gotten used to it though.” Johnny said calmly.
Minutes later Justin was finally up on stage. If possible, the screams got louder and Hayden could barely hear herself think. As much as she wanted to say it was the screaming, she knew seeing him on that stage, with the passion for music written clearly across his face, was enough to crack her walls and the feelings she’d been holding inside came rushing to the surface.
Maybe this was a bad idea? Hayden thought to herself but she couldn’t seem to get her feet to carry her away from the stage. It was like he pulled her in and all she could focus on was him.
Justin was well aware of Hayden’s presence on the side of the stage. It was exciting to know she was there and watching him. This show was definitely all about her and he was going to make her see, that he wasn’t going anywhere.
Justin’s show continued on for two hours and Hayden felt emotionally drained by the end of it. Each song brought about memories of her time working with him in California, from recording to promoting the CD. It was definitely rocking her resolve and she couldn’t wait for it all to end and get away from all of these feelings.
Finally it was the last song of the night and Justin took his time to address his crowd before starting. “Minnesota!!!! I wanted to take the time to just say thank you, for everything you guys do. You’re the reason I am where I am today, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.” The screams erupted again and Justin couldn’t stop the smile that overtook his face. “I have one last song and I wanted to dedicate it to someone very special to me. I said I would fight for everything I wanted and needed…this is my first step.” Justin said softly before strumming the piano keys to “(Another Song) All Over Again.”
Hayden felt her throat go dry and her heart tightened in her chest. Justin’s sweet voice came over the microphone and it rocked her to the core.
You've been alone, you've been afraid
I've been a fool
In so many ways
But I would change my life
If you thought you, might try to love me
So please give me another chance
To write you another song
And take back those things I've done
Cause I'll give you my heart
If you would let me start all over,
Again
I'm not a saint
I'm just a man
Who had heaven and Earth
In the palm of his hand
But I threw it away
So now I stand here today asking forgiveness and if you could just please
Give me another chance
To write you another song
And take back those thing's I've done
Cause I'll give you my heart
If you would let me start all over
Again
Little girl you're all I've got
Don’t you leave me standing here once again
Cause I'll give you my life
Yes I would
If you would let me try to let me love you
Hayden could barely see straight, the tears had managed to cloud her vision. She felt every word deep within her heart and she knew that he was singing that song for her. It was his way of letting her know; he was going to do whatever it takes to fix their relationship. She couldn’t take her eyes off of him, yet her head was screaming to get the hell out of the arena.
So please
Give me another chance
To write you another song
And take back those thing's I've done
Cause I'll give you my heart
If you would let me start all over
Again
You know I love you, yeah
Give me one more chance
Once Justin got to the end of the song, Hayden fled the VIP area. She needed to get away from his gaze, his voice, and the emotions of that song. Hastily, she wiped the tears away that threatened to spill over onto her cheeks and she ran through the backstage area, in desperate need of her bus. It was her solitude and it was the one place she could be alone.
Whipping the door open, Hayden rushed up the stairs and headed to the back couch area. She needed to sit down; she needed to get her emotions in check. However, when she opened the door to the backroom she was surprised to find a bouquet of red and pink roses in the center of the room. Carefully, a card was protruding out and Hayden reached for it and opened it.
Hayden,
There are no words to say how sorry I am for what happened in the past. But I meant what I said earlier. I am going to fight for us because I can’t stop the feelings I have for you. I hope you enjoy the show tonight.
Love,
Justin
Author's Chapter Notes:
Hey Everyone! So I just finished this new update. Please review and let me know what you think! I love to hear from everyone! Hope you're having a good night! :) Talk to ya later!!
Story Tags: justin college
