Chapter 16: Letting Go
After breaking up with Justin, Hayden fled his house and made her way to the beach. She needed to just relax and be alone; the beach seemed like the most peaceful place she could think of. Tyler would be all over her when he found out about the break up and Hayden wasn’t ready to talk about it. In fact, Hayden was just as upset about it as Justin was. Needing space, she took her shoes off and decided to walk to the beach near the water. In less than 24 hours, she’d leave California and be back in Minnesota…back to her old life, what she thought she wanted…or was it? Right now, she wasn’t really sure who she was anymore. Justin had rocked her entire being…before him she was certain that she was destined to be with Josh. That no matter what, she’d never find someone to fill that hole she felt since he died. However, Justin entered the picture and it was as if she felt herself slowly being put back together. Yet, all of the attention that came along with him was too much for her to withstand with a new relationship. She was certain she loved Justin but the attention made her doubt whether she loved herself. Every move she made was put under a microscope and analyzed. The pressure got to her and she broke, she felt weak, helpless and completely lost in this entire mess. Being in Minnesota with away from all of this, away from the mess she created and away from Justin was the only thing she needed now. After walking the beach several times, Hayden decided to head home and finish packing…maybe Tyler would’ve already gone to work and she wouldn’t have to face the disapproving looks.
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Hayden and Tyler got up early the next morning to catch their flight out of Los Angeles back to Minneapolis. Hayden told Tyler about everything that happened between Justin and her that morning and he tried his best to play the big brother role. Hayden was still upset about everything and he was too, he really liked having Justin around and he especially liked what Justin brought out in Hayden.
“Hey you ok?” Tyler said nudging Hayden on the plane.
“Yeah…” Hayden said quietly turning back to look out the window.
Tyler knew this was hard on Hayden but he also knew she was never one to give up when she wanted something. Right now, she was just confused.
The flight back to Minneapolis was relatively quick and quiet. Hayden didn’t say much and Tyler didn’t ask anymore. Once they arrived in Minneapolis Riley met them at the baggage claim.
“Hayden!!! Tyler!!! Oh wow, it’s been a long time.” Riley said hugging Hayden and then Tyler.
Tyler always had a little thing for Riley and seeing her was definitely a pleasant surprise. “Hey Riles…long time no see.” Tyler said pulling away from the hug.
Riley felt the butterflies in her stomach being this close to Tyler again. “Definitely…well now that you’re back here, we should definitely do something. Hey Hayden…how you doing? You excited for Graduation? How’s Justin?”
“Too many questions at one time Riles…” Hayden said lifting her bag from the carousel.
“Sorry…it’s just been a while.” Riley laughed.
“Well let’s get out of the airport…I want to head home…I haven’t been there forever.” Tyler said leading the way out of the airport towards Riley’s car. The drive back to Hayden and Tyler’s parent’s house was short and most of the talking was between Riley and Tyler. Hayden remained firmly planted in the backseat with her head out the window.
“Well we’re here…Hayden what’s the plan for the week?” Riley said getting out of her car.
“I don’t know…I give my presentation Friday morning, Graduation at Mitchell on Saturday and Brothers Saturday night. That’s all I have planned right now.” Hayden said before grabbing her bags and heading into the house leaving Tyler and Riley outside.
“What is her deal?” Riley asked Tyler once Hayden was inside.
“She broke up with Justin last night.”
“WHAT? Why?” Riley asked completely shocked by this news.
“You know about all the media attention she’s been getting right?” Tyler said.
“Yeah…but she knew that was going to happen when she started dating him.”
“I know…she knows that too…but Riles it was really bad, they were camped outside the house, they had pictures of her and I together and I think the part that really hit her was the story about her and Josh.”
“I didn’t see the story on Josh…they really printed that?”
“Yeah, she’s really upset. She’s just lost right now and being with Justin was wearing her down. She just needs time to just be Hayden right now.”
“Well…how’s Justin doing?” Riley asked.
“I don’t know…”
“All right…well thanks for telling me. That explains her mood then. Tell her if she needs anything to just let me know. I’ll be there in a heartbeat.”
“Will do…umm…I was wondering….since I’m back in town…would…would you want to go out to dinner tonight?” Tyler stammered.
Riley giggled at his nervousness and happily accepted. She gave Tyler a hug before getting back in her car and driving away. Riley couldn’t stop the nagging feeling that Hayden definitely made a mistake when it came to her relationship with Justin. She only wished Justin would fight to keep Hayden because right now Riley knew Hayden had thrown the towel in.
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Justin had managed to get a few hours of sleep but the only thing that kept plaguing him were Hayden’s words. Knowing he needed to get away from the source of their breakup he booked a flight to Memphis. Being in Memphis would allow him to regain some anonymity.
“Mom…I’m home.” Justin said as he opened the door to his mom, Lynn’s house.
Lynn appeared from the kitchen drying her hands on a towel. “Oh my…what are you doing here? I thought you were coming home after Hayden’s graduation.” Lynn said embracing Justin into a hug.
“Change of plans…” Justin said into his mom’s shoulder.
“What happened?” Lynn asked. She always knew when her son was upset.
“Hayden broke up with me yesterday…” Justin said quietly.
“Ok…why?” Lynn said pulling away from Justin to look at him.
“She just couldn’t take the media attention anymore…”
“How are you handling it?” Lynn asked concern evident in her voice. He had been through so many bad relationships and it seemed like this one was different.
“I’m crushed…I just didn’t see this one coming. I knew things were tough but I thought she’d turned to me for help not just run away.”
“Well, give her some time…I’m sure she’ll come around. Are you going to her graduation at least?”
“I don’t think so…she wanted her space and if I show up I’m not really giving her what she asked for. I want to do something for her though…I still love her.”
“I know you do hun. We’ll figure something out. Now go put your bags upstairs. Are you hungry?” Lynn asked walking back into the kitchen.
“Yeah…I’m starved.” Justin said before disappearing upstairs. Being home was exactly what he needed to soothe a broken heart. He still couldn’t help but think of Hayden back in Minnesota.
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Hayden needed some time to just relax and be with her family so she decided to spend the night at her parent’s house. She had spent most of the day putting together her presentation for her senior project she would be giving on Friday and that only caused her to drudge up more memories of Justin. She knew giving the presentation would be hard but this was everything she had been working for, this was the culmination of her college career and she’d be damned if a break up would stop her from fulfilling the one thing she set out to do when she went to California.
“Hey Hayden...” Her mom said while knocking on the door.
“Yeah?”
“Telephone.”
“Who is it?” Hayden asked.
“It’s…Mary Hayes.”
“All right…I got it.” Hayden said picking up the phone. It’d been a long time since she had talked to Josh’s mom, Hayden only hoped Mary hadn’t seen the article in the magazine about Josh.
“Hey Mrs. Hayes…how are you doing?” Hayden asked.
“I’m doing well sweetie…how about you?”
“I’m stressed out but otherwise all right.”
“I was wondering if you’d have time to stop over tonight. I wanted to give you your graduation present.” Mary said.
“Sure…I can come over now. Does that work?”
“Yeah absolutely…I’ll see you in a bit dear.” Mary said before hanging up the phone.
Hayden took a deep breath and in that moment all of her feeling for Josh rushed over her. She would be going back to his house, his room and his family. She would be going back to his house knowing her heart belonged to another man.
After cleaning some of her stuff up, Hayden changed into a Minnesota sweatshirt and pulled her jacket on. Before heading out the door she let her parents know she’d be gone for a while and then she’d be back home to finish her presentation.
Hayden’s heart raced once she made it to Josh’s house. Yeah, she’d been back here since his death but not since everything with Justin. She felt guilty going back into his house knowing she had feelings for someone else now. Josh wasn’t the only person anymore to occupy her heart. After nervously tugging on her jacket she rang the doorbell.
“Hayden…oh my…you look beautiful.” Mary said ushering Hayden inside and giving her a quick hug.
“Thank you Mrs. Hayes…you do too.” Hayden said before looking around at the familiar house. The memories flooded back to her in an instant and she felt her heart ache. It ached because this time Josh wasn’t the only man she was thinking about.
“I’m sure he misses you too.” Mrs. Hayes said. Hayden looked surprise at that; she didn’t have the heart to tell Mary that she was actually missing Justin. “I was talking about that nice young man you’ve been seeing, Justin.”
“You know about him?” Hayden asked confused.
“Yeah…I still care about you dear, your mom and I talk often. I just want you to be happy. I’ve seen some of the things they’ve been printing about you.”
Hayden cringed at that. “Did you see the stuff about Josh?”
“Yeah…I can’t say that it didn’t hurt but there’s nothing either of us could do.”
“Yeah…”
Mrs. Hayes ushered Hayden into the living room and told her to sit down while she went into the kitchen and grabbed them hot chocolate. After returning with two steaming cups of hot chocolate they both settled in for a long talk.
“So what are your plans after graduation?” Mrs. Hayes asked while sipping her drink.
“I’m not really sure…I was offered a position with Justin’s management team in California anytime I want it…but I’m thinking about looking for jobs around here.”
“But isn’t the music industry your dream job?”
“Yeah…I just think right now…I need some time to get my life back in order.” Hayden said wrapping her hands around the drink.
“Hayden…there’s something I always wanted to talk to you about…we just never really had the chance.” Mrs. Hayes said putting her drink down.
“Ok…”
“When Josh passed away, I know how hard that was on you and to be honest you were so strong throughout it all. But sometimes it’s ok to be vulnerable; it’s ok to rely on someone for strength and its ok to fall in love again.”
“I did…I mean I am in love again. It’s just hard to let my guard down because it’s not just him I’m letting in…it’s the world.” Hayden said while tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.
“Well honey…you love him…love is all about risks. You’ll never know what could’ve been if you don’t try. The stories they write about you don’t matter to those who love you.”
“Thanks Mrs. Hayes…”
“I want you to know that Josh really did love you and he would want you to be happy…if Justin is where your heart is then don’t let him get away.”
“I don’t know where my heart is right now.” Hayden said.
“You’ll figure it out…I know you will...”
Hayden and Mrs. Hayes continued to talk for another hour about anything and everything before Hayden went home. It had been a long time since Hayden visited Josh’s family and going there today was what she needed to really close that chapter in her life. She needed to know that his family was ok with her moving on and that they didn’t feel betrayed by her sudden move into the public eye. Hayden lost the love of her life that day but they lost a son and they certainly didn’t ask for his death to become public knowledge. Having Mrs. Hayes comfort her and support her decisions was enough for Hayden to finally be at ease with her decisions. Even though everything with Justin was still screwed up, in that moment she was doing this for her. She was taking care of herself and accepting her past. This was a step in the right direction for her.
Once back home, Hayden continued to work on her presentation before exhaustion took over. The last couple of days had drained her emotions and sleeping in her own bed sounded wonderful. After getting ready for bed, Hayden pulled out her scrapbook of pictures, notes and mementos from her relationship with Josh. She needed to add one more piece to this book and Hayden wrote her feelings furiously on a piece of paper.
I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on
I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
I’m movin’ on
Hayden silently cried herself to sleep that night. She had let go of her past and she had lost her present at the same time. She was truly alone for the first time in years and she felt complete just being Hayden.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Probably one of my favorite songs at the end. Rascal Flatts "I'm Moving On." Good song!! Please please review...they're awesome!!!
Story Tags: justin college
