February 26, 2000

Char sat at the table across from her parents staring in envy at their decadent pancake breakfast. It was almost like they were taunting her. The smell of real maple syrup and cinnamon wafted up her nostrils, causing her mouth to water. Pancakes were her favorite breakfast food and there she was sitting in front of a plate of... Whatever it was she was looking at. "Mama?"

"Yes, sweetheart?" Diahna replied, all without looking up from her planner. 

Char watched as her mother scribbled furiously all over the planner, presumably more dates for Char to commit to. More appearances, interviews, photoshoots. Anything to keep her visible to the public. "What is this?" She asked, forking the egg mixture on her plate. 

"Asparagus and spinach hash." Diahna replied. 

Char grimaced, dropping her fork and letting it clang against the ceramic plate. "Eww! Mom! You know I hate asparagus, and cooked spinach!" Cooked spinach was gross and slimy. The thought of it made her gag. Maybe that was part of the diet. Spinach induced bulimia. 

"It's on your meal plan sweetheart." 

"What the hell even is this diet again?" Char asked. 

"The Zone." Diahna responded. "And watch your mouth." 

"Yes Ma'am." Char huffed. She felt totally infantilized. She was twenty-one, and her mother was telling her what she could and couldn't eat, what she could and could not say, telling her where she would be and when. Char gritted her teeth and continued to push the disgusting mixture around her plate. 

"Darling, stop playing with your food, and eat it."  Diahna commanded. 

"Can I at least go sprinkle some cheese on it?" 

"No!" Diahna snapped, causing Char to slightly jump in her seat. "I cooked it in olive oil! That's your fat for the meal. No cheese!" 

Lenny finally looked up from his newspaper and to his wife. "Honey, let her eat whatever she wants." 

Thank you, Daddy! Char thought. 

Diahna stared at Lenny, practically throwing daggers at her husband with her intense glare. "Don't you remember my Aunt Cecile? She died at four-hundred pounds. You know my family carries the fat gene, and Char takes more after me." 

Char looked from her mom to her dad and back again. Was that a subtle dig to her father? That she was more like her mom than her dad? Did she say that to hurt him? Was that a not-so-subtle dig at her? Was her mom calling her fat?

If it was in fact a dig, Lenny showed no indication that he was at all affected by his wife's words.

"It's clear that Charise is nowhere even near four-hundred pounds. Hell, I doubt she's a hundred pounds!" Lenny looked to his daughter, concern flashing across his face. "Are you a hundred pounds?" 

"Almost." Char whispered, looking down at her plate. According to the scale that morning she weighed 99.8. And her mother, standing over her shoulder, was sure to mark it down in her notebook. Char squeezed her eyes shut, bracing herself for what she was sure would come next. 

"Are you serious?" Lenny balked, slamming the newspaper down on the table. 

Was he asking Char, or her mother? 

"Why in the hell is she on a diet?" Lenny demanded. 

"Her album is coming out, she's preparing for a world tour, she needs to be in her best shape." Diahna said defensively. 

"Look at her!" Lenny pointed to his daughter. "I hardly think she's in any shape to do anything!" 

At that, Char pushed back in her chair and got up from the table grabbing her plate. Her parents were too embroiled in a power struggle to notice her absence. Char quickly and quietly exited the dining room. Walking into the kitchen was like a breath of frash air, and a weight off her shoulders. The tension between her parents grew more and more by the day. For the past few weeks, she'd grappled with the thought of her parents divorcing. At first, she wanted to push any thought of divorce out of her mind. They couldn't. They were Lenny and Diahna, high school sweethearts. They were the perfect family. She couldn't imagine a world in which her parents weren't together. However, it was now becoming clear to her that she was the only thing keeping them together at this point. She didn't want to be that family either. The one where the parents only stay together for the sake of their kid. She hated herself for it, but in the last few days, the thought kept crossing her mind that maybe they would be better off as a family if her parents at least tried a trial separation. She knew she should be fighting for her family, but what good was it when all they did was fight each other. Did they even love each other anymore? 

Char walked over to the sink and dumped the contents of her plate into the right side to flush it down the garbage disposal. She watched as the sink swallowed her vomit resembling hash. After sitting her plate and fork on the opposite side, Char searched the kitchen for actual food. She was starving, and her head was starting to hurt.  After rummaging the cabinets, she finally came across the forbidden fruit- strawberry Poptarts! Although she preferred them toasted, she was shaking at this point. Without hesitation, she ripped open the glossy blue wrapper and crammed half a Poptart into her mouth, the sugary artificially flavored filling coating her tongue. Char closed her eyes, and leaned back again

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hey, can you pass me the letter opener please?" Char asked her cousin Paris.

Paris saluted her as a playfully smile crept onto her face. "Sure thing, boss!" 

Char rolled her eyes. "Pear, you don't have to call me ‘boss'. Or ‘ma'am'. Especially not ma'am it's weird, I'm only two years older, and nowhere near ma'am territory!" Char watched as Paris walked across the carpeted floor of her bedroom to the chest of drawers against the far-left wall. From the top drawer, she produced the fancy engraved monogram letter opener gifted to her by her grandmother. 

"I'm just messin' with you!" Paris teased, walking back to the bed. She sat down beside Char and handed over the letter opener. "Besides, isn't it fun to be a boss lady?" 

Char inwardly cringed at the term. Boss lady. It didn't sit right with her. Yes, she employed Paris as well as many other family members, but it felt weird, having family on her payroll. It was her mother's idea, to which she dared not say no. She loved her family more than anything and would die for them in a heartbeat, but employing them? Their livelihood was completely dependent on her. If she went down, so did they, and that was a thought that constantly weighed on her and kept her up at night. Her chest was tightening that very moment just thinking of it. "Let's start opening these packages." She said, forcing the thoughts to the back of her mind. 

No sooner than she said the words, her Persian cat, Kitty Wells, hopped onto her bed, and sat directly in the center of all the mail. "Kitty, off." Char ordered, snapping her fingers. Kitty snuggled into the bed defiantly and meowed at her owner. Char picked up the white fluff ball, and gently dropped her onto the floor. Kitty bared her sharp teeth at Char and hissed before swishing over to the side of the room where her bed was. "Brat."  Char called after her, though she knew it was all her fault. She spoiled the damn cat, and now she was paying the price for it.

"Open the big one first!" Paris said, pointing to a medium sized box with hot pink wrapping paper. 

"Geeze cousin, you're not subtle at all!" Char giggled, reaching for the package. Once a month, Char took time out of her schedule to go through the fan mail she was sent. It was nearly impossible to open and read every letter, package, gift, and then respond back, but she tried her damndest. She was so beyond grateful for her fans undying support and loyalty. She'd be nowhere without them. Especially after the hell of being dropped from her former label. Gratitude couldn't possibly sum up everything she felt. 

"It's packaged so pretty, I just wanna know what's inside!"  

Char tore the wrapping paper away to reveal a cardboard box. Using her letter opener, she jabbed through the clear tape that sealed the top of the box together and sliced it open. Pulling back the flaps of cardboard, Char stuck her hand inside and felt around for a second before pulling out a stuffed teddy bear. "Aww..." Char held up the bear for Paris to see.  It's soft copper fur, glossy and shining beneath the light of the ceiling fan. 

"Oh! That's super cute!" Paris gushed. 

Char handed her the bear, while she continued to rummage through the box, which were filled snacks that she'd stated as her favorites in many interviews: Flamin' Hot Cheetos, peanut butter M&M's, sour Skittles, and Butterfinger BB's (all which of course she'd have her security inspect). At the very bottom of the box was an envelope. Char opened it and took out a handwritten letter. 

Dear Charise,

In an interview with YM, you said that one of your favorite gifts you've ever gotten was a teddy bear your first boyfriend won for you at a carnival. You said you were hurt when you lost it during your first tour overseas. Although it can't replace something with such sentimental value, I thought you might like this one as a sort of reminder. You can name him (or her) whatever you'd like. I hope you like it. Can't wait to see you on tour!

XOXO,

Roxy Sanchez

Char's heart expanded in her chest as she read the letter, thinking of JC, and the early days of their relationship. When things were easy. A nostalgic feeling, she often longed for. 

"Aww, it's supposed to be a replica of the bear Josh gave me when we first started dating!" Char
gushed, folding the letter and placing it aside. 

Paris's eyes widened. "You guys haven't gone public, have you?" 

"Oh God no!" Char shook her head. "We are so not ready for that yet! His fans would like, set me on fire! All I've said was that back in the day my first boyfriend won me a bear at a carnival, and it meant a lot to me. I never said who it was." 

Paris grimaced. "I don't think I could handle the wrath of an *Nsync fan, and I'm not even dating any of the guys!" 

"Well, it's a good thing no one knows yet." Char replied, moving onto a new letter. "It's no one's business." 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A week later, Char sat in a director's chair, getting primped and touched up by her hair stylist and makeup artists. Dancing in ninety-degree weather on the Santa Monica pier, her makeup sweated off almost instantly, and her bouncy curls fell limp. She and her backup dancers had been in and out of chairs all day with touch ups and outfit changes, because God forbid there'd be an actual visible sweat stain shown after dancing rigorously under the hot sun for hours. "Hey, Pear!" Char called. 

"Yes?" Paris replied, appearing at her side. 

"Can you get me my pills please?"  Char requested. She stared back at her tired reflection in the mirror as Hakeem sectioned a piece of her hair and twirled the long strands around the large barrel curling wand. 

"Sure thing." Paris said, before walking off. 

"Keemie, are you using that serum on my hair?" Char asked. 

Hakeem smacked his lips and placed his free hand on his hip. "Miss Girl! How long have I been doing your hair?" 

Char snickered. Hakeem's sassiness could always make her laugh, even if she was irritable. "Five years." 

"And you think I'mma just put straight heat on your hair like it's nothin'? Now you know I know what I'm doin'! You do the sangin' and dancin' and leave the hair to me, okay?" 

"Okay, okay!" Char relented. 

"Tryna micro-manage every damn thing." Hakeem teased. 

"Here ya go cousin." Paris said, handing Char a prescription bottle, along with an open can of diet coke that had a straw sticking out of it's opening. 

Char heaved a sigh of relief and took the bottle and soft drink from Paris. "Oh my God, thank you!" As she twisted the cap off the bottle, she avoided Hakeem's gaze in the mirror which burned just as hot as the curling wand. "What?" She asked as she popped two pills in her mouth, chasing them with Diet Coke. 

"Mmmm..." Hakeem hummed. 

Char knew what. "Keemie, I'm just a little on edge today, okay?" She didn't feel like explaining herself. She was a grown woman; she didn't need to explain or justify her actions to anyone. They were already behind schedule, and her mom had been breathing down her back all damn day. She just needed something to take the edge off. 

"I didn't say anything." Hakeem stated. 

Char looked to Paris for help, but she was busily typing away on her 2-way. "I know that look." She said, just above a whisper. 

"When did you bump up to two?" Hakeem whispered in her ear. 

"It's not that big of a deal! I just need it today!" Char gave him a pleading look through the mirror. One that begged, and simultaneously threatened his silence. 

"Do you need anything else?" Paris asked. 

"No. Thanks, I'm good." Char flashed an assuring smile. 

"Well in that case, I'm gonna go make sure everything is set up for the next scene." Paris replied. 

"Thank you," Char called, watching her little cousin walk off. "Please, don't lecture me Hakeem, okay?"

Hakeem raised his hands in surrender. "Just be careful, okay."

"You have nothing to worry about." Char said, staring at Hakeem through the mirror. "Promise." 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I'm fallin' for you, ooh

With all of my emotions,

(huh-huh-huh, oh yeah)

All the crazy things ya do,

Can't stop my heart's devotion,

(huh-huh-huh, oh yeah)

"Cut!" Director Jake Nava called over the megaphone. The music stopped, and Char and her backup dancers stood in their positions on the boardwalk. They'd been filming the same shot for the past two hours. "Okay people we're almost there, hang in there. All we have left is the beach scene." Char and the dancers groaned in relief. The filming crew, stylists, costumer designers, and assistants scattered amongst themselves, and Char and her dancers began to walk offset. 

"Great work guys!" Choreographer Laurieann Gibson called. 

Char was relieved that there finally seemed to be an end in sight. As the hours passed by, the sun had started to go down, creating the perfect backdrop for the beach scene. The Klonopins she'd taken earlier had kicked in, and she hoped they wrapped filming before they wore off, because she really didn't want to have to take another dose. 

"Hello, earth to Char!" 

"What?" Char shook her head startled by the hand in front of her. It was Shealeigh, one of her backup dancers. 

"Were you even listening to me?" Shealeigh asked, walking backwards.

Char scrunched her eyebrows. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

Shealeigh gave Char a concerned look. "Are you okay?"

"Girl, I am so tired." Char confessed. It wasn't a complete lie, she was. 

"Ugh! I feel that!" Shealeigh groaned, placing a hand on Char's shoulder. "Want Starbs?" 

"Ooh! I want Starbs!" Clarissa exclaimed, dashing up behind them. 

Char looked at Clarissa with envy as she bounced from foot to foot, her blonde curls swaying in the wind. How did she have so much energy? How was she so cheerful after they'd been working for fourteen hours? There was a reason they called her Bunny. "I'll have Kenny make a Starbucks run." 

"Perfect!" Clarissa said, interlocking arms with Char. "I'm craving a Caramel Frappuccino!" 

"Oh girl, you don't need one!" Jordan said joining them, linking his arm with Clarissa. "You have enough energy for all of us today." 

Clarissa broke their human chain link and performed a perfect aerial walkover, ending in a perfect vertical position with her hands in the air as if performing the perfect gymnastics dismount. 

"Show-off!" Caleb teased. 

"You'd have enough energy as me if you weren't at the club all night." Clarissa shot back, rejoining the group. 

"Oop! Did you just get called out?" Char asked, looking to Caleb. 

"Damn girl," Caleb snapped. "Not in front of the boss." 

Char rolled her eyes. There was that word again, boss. "Oh, shush! I might just join y'all one night." 

"Whoop, whoop!" Jordan cheered, snapping his fingers. "Okay Miss Mama!" 

Char gave him a wink. "Definitely count on it when the tour starts." 

"Sounds like a plan!" Shealeigh exclaimed, giving a shimmy. "I'm so excited for this tour!" 

"You're excited for different boys in different cities!" Clarissa called out. 

Shealeigh shrugged. "That's not a lie. Besides, who says girls can't have groupies?!" 

Jordan popped his hip and began swaying back and forth. "Return of the mack, return of the mack!" Caleb joined in, in perfect harmony. 

Char cracked up laughing. She loved her team so much and wouldn't trade them for the world. It was little moments like these, the teasing and inside jokes she lived for. By the time they approached the craft services table, they were laughing like a pack of hyenas. 

"Speaking of boyzzzzz." Shealeigh whispered in Char's ear. "There's yours." 

Char perked up, and followed Shealeigh's line of vision, which led her to seeing JC and Justin walking down the beach. Her heart nearly leapt at the sight of him. If it weren't for self-restraint (and total lack of energy) she'd make a Baywatch run toward him. "What are they doing here?" 

"To see you obviously." Shealeigh nudged her. 

"They damn sure ain't here to see my black ass!"  Caleb laughed. 

"Shut up!" Char snickered. The closer he got, the faster her heart raced. It was an unexpected, but definitely not un-welcomed surprise. 

"Hey Baby!" JC opened his arms wide as he approached the group. 

Char walked into them and snuggled herself into his chest. The scent of his cologne smelled like home. She needed this. "Hey Baby, I didn't know you'd be coming." Char tilted her head up for a kiss, to which JC obliged. 

Justin cleared his throat. "Hi to you too, Charise." 

Char unraveled herself from JC's arm, and punched Justin in the shoulder. "You little attention seeking punk!" 

"Damn Charise, that's how you greet a friend?" Justin asked, rubbing his shoulder. "I see how it is." 

Char rolled her eyes. "Keep calling me Charise." She dared. 

Justin glared at her, and then squinted. "Cha-rise."

"Dammit Randall! You've been a thorn in my side since 1993." 

"And you've loved every minute of it!" Justin teased blowing her a kiss, before heading to the craft services table. 

"Oh! So, he only came for the food!" Char exclaimed. "That hoodrat!" 

"Careful Babe," JC warned. "Don't give him too much street cred, it'll go to his head." Justin turned around with a glazed doughnut hanging out of his mouth and flipped JC the bird to which JC returned. 

"Joshtin is real." Char murmured. 

"Huh?" JC looked down at Char, his eyebrows furrowed. 

"What?" Char asked, realizing she'd been thinking aloud. Okay, fine. Maybe she was guilty of browsing all the Angelfire Geocities, and Tripod fansites. It was tempting on late nights when she couldn't sleep. She'd been very amused to discover that fans had ‘shipped' JC and Justin together and called them a bromance giving them the names Joshtin and JuC. It was almost like watching Corey Matthews and Shawn Hunter come to life. Which... made her Topanga, because JC was Corey. Or were they Shawn and Angela because they were interracial?

"What did you say?" JC asked. 

Char snickered. "Nothing, it was nothing! I'm so happy you're here!" Digging her feet into the sand, Char stood on her tippy toes to kiss him. His lips on hers offset tiny fireworks within her. After breaking the kiss, she hugged him close. 

"Rough day?" JC asked, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Yes." Char pouted. 

A teasing smile crept onto JC's face. "Bet I know what to do to make it better." 

Char bit down on her bottom lip and traced her finger down his chest. "I can think of a few things." 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

One Week Later

Back in Orlando, preparations were underway for the release of No Strings Attached. With the success of Bye, Bye, Bye the album was projected to go number one, however, the fear of the unknown lingered in the air. For the guys of *Nsync, the future of their careers hinged on the success of this album. To say that everyone was a huge bundle of nerves, was an understatement. 

"What if people don't go out and buy it?" JC wondered aloud. 

Char, laying on JC's chest, looked up at him. "Oh my God, are you kidding me? Of course, people are gonna buy it! Teen girls everywhere will probably be knocking each other over in every record store." 

It was the calm before the storm, and the guys were given a weekend off before heading to New York to promote the album, as well as Char's last few days off before she embarked on a promotional tour of her own in Los Angeles. With their last bit of alone time together, Char and JC decided to spend it at his parents' house, relaxing as much as they possibly could. 

"Do you really think so?" JC asked.

Char sat up on the sectional and turned to look at JC. "I know so. I wouldn't say it, if I didn't think it were true." 

"But how do you know?" JC asked skeptically. 

But this is where the action is and

I have to be where the action is.

Look, when your old lady wanted those

alligator shoes, didn't I come through

for you? Ain't she stepping in style

Now?

Char picked up the remote from the coffee table, and hit the pause button, the screen froze on Eddie Murphy's face. "Josh, look at me." JC did as he was told. "Bye, Bye, Bye is smashing records right now, and y'all are number one on TRL like every day. If you can keep Britney and Christina out of the number one spot for so long, that clearly indicates something. You can't turn on a radio station without hearing your song. It's even on the Urban stations and in the clubs! You have a loyal fanbase, and if I know anything, I know for sure they'll be knocking the doors down at every record store across the nation, hell, across the world come March 21st. Mark my words." 

JC sat up and took a moment to really comprehend what Char was telling him. All week he'd had knots in his stomach, and his sleep pattern had been off. He'd written and produced four songs for the album, one of which was the title track. His artistic integrity was on the line. It was reasonable to believe the album would do well, but after everything the band had been through in the past year and a half, he didn't have the luxury of allowing himself to get comfortable. 

"I believe in you guys." Char said, massaging JC's shoulder. "I just wish you believed in yourself." Having Char by his side meant the world to JC. He couldn't have gone through everything without her. She was his rock. His safe place. Between their careers, their relationship was the last thing they had that was truly theirs. Being with her was his safe place. 

"Uhhh... guys." Heather called, walking into the living room, her laptop in hand. 

"What's up?" JC asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"I... um..." Heather stammered as she sat down on the adjacent loveseat. "Okay." She breathed, and squeezed her eyes shut. 

"Heather what's going on?" JC asked his sister, giving her a concerned look. 

"I don't know how to tell you guys this, but I don't want you guys to be blindsided either." 

JC swallowed, feeling a fresh wave of anxiety overwhelmed him. "What is it." 

Heather opened her clamshell, neon blue MAC, and logged in before turning it around, and handing it to JC. 

Char scooted in closer to JC, so she could see the computer screen. Her jaw dropped, and she let out an audible gasp. Staring at the screen, she saw paparazzi photos of JC and herself on the beach hugging and kissing. It was the day of her video shoot when JC and Justin had visited the set. It felt like needles were pricking her skin as realization dawned on her; they'd been outed. The pictures weren't even the worst part, the comments on the message board where the pictures were posted were far worse.

What? Eww! 

I know! I can't believe he's dating her!

Filthy whore!

She's all over him. It's desperate and gross. 

I'm disgusted. 

What does he see in her?

How could JC date a black girl?

And there it was. Everything that all the other anonymous users had been implying summed up in one comment. She was ‘the black girl', and it stung more than she ever thought it would. 

JC, who had seemed to be reading at a slower rate, slammed the laptop shut when got to the last line, realizing that Char had read it. 

"You guys, I am so sorry!" Heather apologized. She'd read the comments. And unbeknownst to JC and Char, the pictures were on other sites, where the comments were ten times as harsh and hateful. 

JC shook his head. "You have nothing to apologize for. Thank you for giving us a head's up." He handed the laptop back to his sister, indicating that he and Char needed a moment. 

"If there's anything I can do, let me know." Heather said, standing up.

"Thanks Heather." JC replied, as Heather left the room. 

Char sat stunned with her back against the couch. She blinked several times, her eyes stinging. She could take a lot. People had said some really cruel things over the years, and she'd taken them in stride. But racism? She didn't even know how to process it. 

"Hey." JC said gently. "C'mere." He leaned back against the couch and pulled Char into his chest. 

"I can't believe what I just read." Char whispered. 

"Ignore it." JC said. "It's just some ignorant teenager from Hicktown, USA." 

"Except if the internet knows, then that means the whole world knows, Josh!" 

"Let's just take everything one step at a time." JC suggested. "We should let Johnny know if he doesn't already." 

"Oh my God!" Char cried. "What's Johnny gonna say? My mom?" 

"Hey, hey." JC said, soothing her. "Everything's gonna be fine. Some celebrity will leak a sex tape, and this will all blow over by next week." 

"But what if it doesn't?" Char asked frantically.

JC took a deep breath. "Well, we're out now. If the world knows we're together, then we embrace it. Stand in it. We'll face whatever hate comes our way together.  You and me against the world."

 February 26, 2000

Char sat at the table across from her parents staring in envy at their decadent pancake breakfast. It was almost like they were taunting her. The smell of real maple syrup and cinnamon wafted up her nostrils, causing her mouth to water. Pancakes were her favorite breakfast food and there she was sitting in front of a plate of... Whatever it was she was looking at. "Mama?"

"Yes, sweetheart?" Diahna replied, all without looking up from her planner. 

Char watched as her mother scribbled furiously all over the planner, presumably more dates for Char to commit to. More appearances, interviews, photoshoots. Anything to keep her visible to the public. "What is this?" She asked, forking the egg mixture on her plate. 

"Asparagus and spinach hash." Diahna replied. 

Char grimaced, dropping her fork and letting it clang against the ceramic plate. "Eww! Mom! You know I hate asparagus, and cooked spinach!" Cooked spinach was gross and slimy. The thought of it made her gag. Maybe that was part of the diet. Spinach induced bulimia. 

"It's on your meal plan sweetheart." 

"What the hell even is this diet again?" Char asked. 

"The Zone." Diahna responded. "And watch your mouth." 

"Yes Ma'am." Char huffed. She felt totally infantilized. She was twenty-one, and her mother was telling her what she could and couldn't eat, what she could and could not say, telling her where she would be and when. Char gritted her teeth and continued to push the disgusting mixture around her plate. 

"Darling, stop playing with your food, and eat it."  Diahna commanded. 

"Can I at least go sprinkle some cheese on it?" 

"No!" Diahna snapped, causing Char to slightly jump in her seat. "I cooked it in olive oil! That's your fat for the meal. No cheese!" 

Lenny finally looked up from his newspaper and to his wife. "Honey, let her eat whatever she wants." 

Thank you, Daddy! Char thought. 

Diahna stared at Lenny, practically throwing daggers at her husband with her intense glare. "Don't you remember my Aunt Cecile? She died at four-hundred pounds. You know my family carries the fat gene, and Char takes more after me." 

Char looked from her mom to her dad and back again. Was that a subtle dig to her father? That she was more like her mom than her dad? Did she say that to hurt him? Was that a not-so-subtle dig at her? Was her mom calling her fat?

If it was in fact a dig, Lenny showed no indication that he was at all affected by his wife's words.

"It's clear that Charise is nowhere even near four-hundred pounds. Hell, I doubt she's a hundred pounds!" Lenny looked to his daughter, concern flashing across his face. "Are you a hundred pounds?" 

"Almost." Char whispered, looking down at her plate. According to the scale that morning she weighed 99.8. And her mother, standing over her shoulder, was sure to mark it down in her notebook. Char squeezed her eyes shut, bracing herself for what she was sure would come next. 

"Are you serious?" Lenny balked, slamming the newspaper down on the table. 

Was he asking Char, or her mother? 

"Why in the hell is she on a diet?" Lenny demanded. 

"Her album is coming out, she's preparing for a world tour, she needs to be in her best shape." Diahna said defensively. 

"Look at her!" Lenny pointed to his daughter. "I hardly think she's in any shape to do anything!" 

At that, Char pushed back in her chair and got up from the table grabbing her plate. Her parents were too embroiled in a power struggle to notice her absence. Char quickly and quietly exited the dining room. Walking into the kitchen was like a breath of frash air, and a weight off her shoulders. The tension between her parents grew more and more by the day. For the past few weeks, she'd grappled with the thought of her parents divorcing. At first, she wanted to push any thought of divorce out of her mind. They couldn't. They were Lenny and Diahna, high school sweethearts. They were the perfect family. She couldn't imagine a world in which her parents weren't together. However, it was now becoming clear to her that she was the only thing keeping them together at this point. She didn't want to be that family either. The one where the parents only stay together for the sake of their kid. She hated herself for it, but in the last few days, the thought kept crossing her mind that maybe they would be better off as a family if her parents at least tried a trial separation. She knew she should be fighting for her family, but what good was it when all they did was fight each other. Did they even love each other anymore? 

Char walked over to the sink and dumped the contents of her plate into the right side to flush it down the garbage disposal. She watched as the sink swallowed her vomit resembling hash. After sitting her plate and fork on the opposite side, Char searched the kitchen for actual food. She was starving, and her head was starting to hurt.  After rummaging the cabinets, she finally came across the forbidden fruit- strawberry Poptarts! Although she preferred them toasted, she was shaking at this point. Without hesitation, she ripped open the glossy blue wrapper and crammed half a Poptart into her mouth, the sugary artificially flavored filling coating her tongue. Char closed her eyes, and leaned back again

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hey, can you pass me the letter opener please?" Char asked her cousin Paris.

Paris saluted her as a playfully smile crept onto her face. "Sure thing, boss!" 

Char rolled her eyes. "Pear, you don't have to call me ‘boss'. Or ‘ma'am'. Especially not ma'am it's weird, I'm only two years older, and nowhere near ma'am territory!" Char watched as Paris walked across the carpeted floor of her bedroom to the chest of drawers against the far-left wall. From the top drawer, she produced the fancy engraved monogram letter opener gifted to her by her grandmother. 

"I'm just messin' with you!" Paris teased, walking back to the bed. She sat down beside Char and handed over the letter opener. "Besides, isn't it fun to be a boss lady?" 

Char inwardly cringed at the term. Boss lady. It didn't sit right with her. Yes, she employed Paris as well as many other family members, but it felt weird, having family on her payroll. It was her mother's idea, to which she dared not say no. She loved her family more than anything and would die for them in a heartbeat, but employing them? Their livelihood was completely dependent on her. If she went down, so did they, and that was a thought that constantly weighed on her and kept her up at night. Her chest was tightening that very moment just thinking of it. "Let's start opening these packages." She said, forcing the thoughts to the back of her mind. 

No sooner than she said the words, her Persian cat, Kitty Wells, hopped onto her bed, and sat directly in the center of all the mail. "Kitty, off." Char ordered, snapping her fingers. Kitty snuggled into the bed defiantly and meowed at her owner. Char picked up the white fluff ball, and gently dropped her onto the floor. Kitty bared her sharp teeth at Char and hissed before swishing over to the side of the room where her bed was. "Brat."  Char called after her, though she knew it was all her fault. She spoiled the damn cat, and now she was paying the price for it.

"Open the big one first!" Paris said, pointing to a medium sized box with hot pink wrapping paper. 

"Geeze cousin, you're not subtle at all!" Char giggled, reaching for the package. Once a month, Char took time out of her schedule to go through the fan mail she was sent. It was nearly impossible to open and read every letter, package, gift, and then respond back, but she tried her damndest. She was so beyond grateful for her fans undying support and loyalty. She'd be nowhere without them. Especially after the hell of being dropped from her former label. Gratitude couldn't possibly sum up everything she felt. 

"It's packaged so pretty, I just wanna know what's inside!"  

Char tore the wrapping paper away to reveal a cardboard box. Using her letter opener, she jabbed through the clear tape that sealed the top of the box together and sliced it open. Pulling back the flaps of cardboard, Char stuck her hand inside and felt around for a second before pulling out a stuffed teddy bear. "Aww..." Char held up the bear for Paris to see.  It's soft copper fur, glossy and shining beneath the light of the ceiling fan. 

"Oh! That's super cute!" Paris gushed. 

Char handed her the bear, while she continued to rummage through the box, which were filled snacks that she'd stated as her favorites in many interviews: Flamin' Hot Cheetos, peanut butter M&M's, sour Skittles, and Butterfinger BB's (all which of course she'd have her security inspect). At the very bottom of the box was an envelope. Char opened it and took out a handwritten letter. 

Dear Charise,

In an interview with YM, you said that one of your favorite gifts you've ever gotten was a teddy bear your first boyfriend won for you at a carnival. You said you were hurt when you lost it during your first tour overseas. Although it can't replace something with such sentimental value, I thought you might like this one as a sort of reminder. You can name him (or her) whatever you'd like. I hope you like it. Can't wait to see you on tour!

XOXO,

Roxy Sanchez

Char's heart expanded in her chest as she read the letter, thinking of JC, and the early days of their relationship. When things were easy. A nostalgic feeling, she often longed for. 

"Aww, it's supposed to be a replica of the bear Josh gave me when we first started dating!" Char
gushed, folding the letter and placing it aside. 

Paris's eyes widened. "You guys haven't gone public, have you?" 

"Oh God no!" Char shook her head. "We are so not ready for that yet! His fans would like, set me on fire! All I've said was that back in the day my first boyfriend won me a bear at a carnival, and it meant a lot to me. I never said who it was." 

Paris grimaced. "I don't think I could handle the wrath of an *Nsync fan, and I'm not even dating any of the guys!" 

"Well, it's a good thing no one knows yet." Char replied, moving onto a new letter. "It's no one's business." 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A week later, Char sat in a director's chair, getting primped and touched up by her hair stylist and makeup artists. Dancing in ninety-degree weather on the Santa Monica pier, her makeup sweated off almost instantly, and her bouncy curls fell limp. She and her backup dancers had been in and out of chairs all day with touch ups and outfit changes, because God forbid there'd be an actual visible sweat stain shown after dancing rigorously under the hot sun for hours. "Hey, Pear!" Char called. 

"Yes?" Paris replied, appearing at her side. 

"Can you get me my pills please?"  Char requested. She stared back at her tired reflection in the mirror as Hakeem sectioned a piece of her hair and twirled the long strands around the large barrel curling wand. 

"Sure thing." Paris said, before walking off. 

"Keemie, are you using that serum on my hair?" Char asked. 

Hakeem smacked his lips and placed his free hand on his hip. "Miss Girl! How long have I been doing your hair?" 

Char snickered. Hakeem's sassiness could always make her laugh, even if she was irritable. "Five years." 

"And you think I'mma just put straight heat on your hair like it's nothin'? Now you know I know what I'm doin'! You do the sangin' and dancin' and leave the hair to me, okay?" 

"Okay, okay!" Char relented. 

"Tryna micro-manage every damn thing." Hakeem teased. 

"Here ya go cousin." Paris said, handing Char a prescription bottle, along with an open can of diet coke that had a straw sticking out of it's opening. 

Char heaved a sigh of relief and took the bottle and soft drink from Paris. "Oh my God, thank you!" As she twisted the cap off the bottle, she avoided Hakeem's gaze in the mirror which burned just as hot as the curling wand. "What?" She asked as she popped two pills in her mouth, chasing them with Diet Coke. 

"Mmmm..." Hakeem hummed. 

Char knew what. "Keemie, I'm just a little on edge today, okay?" She didn't feel like explaining herself. She was a grown woman; she didn't need to explain or justify her actions to anyone. They were already behind schedule, and her mom had been breathing down her back all damn day. She just needed something to take the edge off. 

"I didn't say anything." Hakeem stated. 

Char looked to Paris for help, but she was busily typing away on her 2-way. "I know that look." She said, just above a whisper. 

"When did you bump up to two?" Hakeem whispered in her ear. 

"It's not that big of a deal! I just need it today!" Char gave him a pleading look through the mirror. One that begged, and simultaneously threatened his silence. 

"Do you need anything else?" Paris asked. 

"No. Thanks, I'm good." Char flashed an assuring smile. 

"Well in that case, I'm gonna go make sure everything is set up for the next scene." Paris replied. 

"Thank you," Char called, watching her little cousin walk off. "Please, don't lecture me Hakeem, okay?"

Hakeem raised his hands in surrender. "Just be careful, okay."

"You have nothing to worry about." Char said, staring at Hakeem through the mirror. "Promise." 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I'm fallin' for you, ooh

With all of my emotions,

(huh-huh-huh, oh yeah)

All the crazy things ya do,

Can't stop my heart's devotion,

(huh-huh-huh, oh yeah)

"Cut!" Director Jake Nava called over the megaphone. The music stopped, and Char and her backup dancers stood in their positions on the boardwalk. They'd been filming the same shot for the past two hours. "Okay people we're almost there, hang in there. All we have left is the beach scene." Char and the dancers groaned in relief. The filming crew, stylists, costumer designers, and assistants scattered amongst themselves, and Char and her dancers began to walk offset. 

"Great work guys!" Choreographer Laurieann Gibson called. 

Char was relieved that there finally seemed to be an end in sight. As the hours passed by, the sun had started to go down, creating the perfect backdrop for the beach scene. The Klonopins she'd taken earlier had kicked in, and she hoped they wrapped filming before they wore off, because she really didn't want to have to take another dose. 

"Hello, earth to Char!" 

"What?" Char shook her head startled by the hand in front of her. It was Shealeigh, one of her backup dancers. 

"Were you even listening to me?" Shealeigh asked, walking backwards.

Char scrunched her eyebrows. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

Shealeigh gave Char a concerned look. "Are you okay?"

"Girl, I am so tired." Char confessed. It wasn't a complete lie, she was. 

"Ugh! I feel that!" Shealeigh groaned, placing a hand on Char's shoulder. "Want Starbs?" 

"Ooh! I want Starbs!" Clarissa exclaimed, dashing up behind them. 

Char looked at Clarissa with envy as she bounced from foot to foot, her blonde curls swaying in the wind. How did she have so much energy? How was she so cheerful after they'd been working for fourteen hours? There was a reason they called her Bunny. "I'll have Kenny make a Starbucks run." 

"Perfect!" Clarissa said, interlocking arms with Char. "I'm craving a Caramel Frappuccino!" 

"Oh girl, you don't need one!" Jordan said joining them, linking his arm with Clarissa. "You have enough energy for all of us today." 

Clarissa broke their human chain link and performed a perfect aerial walkover, ending in a perfect vertical position with her hands in the air as if performing the perfect gymnastics dismount. 

"Show-off!" Caleb teased. 

"You'd have enough energy as me if you weren't at the club all night." Clarissa shot back, rejoining the group. 

"Oop! Did you just get called out?" Char asked, looking to Caleb. 

"Damn girl," Caleb snapped. "Not in front of the boss." 

Char rolled her eyes. There was that word again, boss. "Oh, shush! I might just join y'all one night." 

"Whoop, whoop!" Jordan cheered, snapping his fingers. "Okay Miss Mama!" 

Char gave him a wink. "Definitely count on it when the tour starts." 

"Sounds like a plan!" Shealeigh exclaimed, giving a shimmy. "I'm so excited for this tour!" 

"You're excited for different boys in different cities!" Clarissa called out. 

Shealeigh shrugged. "That's not a lie. Besides, who says girls can't have groupies?!" 

Jordan popped his hip and began swaying back and forth. "Return of the mack, return of the mack!" Caleb joined in, in perfect harmony. 

Char cracked up laughing. She loved her team so much and wouldn't trade them for the world. It was little moments like these, the teasing and inside jokes she lived for. By the time they approached the craft services table, they were laughing like a pack of hyenas. 

"Speaking of boyzzzzz." Shealeigh whispered in Char's ear. "There's yours." 

Char perked up, and followed Shealeigh's line of vision, which led her to seeing JC and Justin walking down the beach. Her heart nearly leapt at the sight of him. If it weren't for self-restraint (and total lack of energy) she'd make a Baywatch run toward him. "What are they doing here?" 

"To see you obviously." Shealeigh nudged her. 

"They damn sure ain't here to see my black ass!"  Caleb laughed. 

"Shut up!" Char snickered. The closer he got, the faster her heart raced. It was an unexpected, but definitely not un-welcomed surprise. 

"Hey Baby!" JC opened his arms wide as he approached the group. 

Char walked into them and snuggled herself into his chest. The scent of his cologne smelled like home. She needed this. "Hey Baby, I didn't know you'd be coming." Char tilted her head up for a kiss, to which JC obliged. 

Justin cleared his throat. "Hi to you too, Charise." 

Char unraveled herself from JC's arm, and punched Justin in the shoulder. "You little attention seeking punk!" 

"Damn Charise, that's how you greet a friend?" Justin asked, rubbing his shoulder. "I see how it is." 

Char rolled her eyes. "Keep calling me Charise." She dared. 

Justin glared at her, and then squinted. "Cha-rise."

"Dammit Randall! You've been a thorn in my side since 1993." 

"And you've loved every minute of it!" Justin teased blowing her a kiss, before heading to the craft services table. 

"Oh! So, he only came for the food!" Char exclaimed. "That hoodrat!" 

"Careful Babe," JC warned. "Don't give him too much street cred, it'll go to his head." Justin turned around with a glazed doughnut hanging out of his mouth and flipped JC the bird to which JC returned. 

"Joshtin is real." Char murmured. 

"Huh?" JC looked down at Char, his eyebrows furrowed. 

"What?" Char asked, realizing she'd been thinking aloud. Okay, fine. Maybe she was guilty of browsing all the Angelfire Geocities, and Tripod fansites. It was tempting on late nights when she couldn't sleep. She'd been very amused to discover that fans had ‘shipped' JC and Justin together and called them a bromance giving them the names Joshtin and JuC. It was almost like watching Corey Matthews and Shawn Hunter come to life. Which... made her Topanga, because JC was Corey. Or were they Shawn and Angela because they were interracial?

"What did you say?" JC asked. 

Char snickered. "Nothing, it was nothing! I'm so happy you're here!" Digging her feet into the sand, Char stood on her tippy toes to kiss him. His lips on hers offset tiny fireworks within her. After breaking the kiss, she hugged him close. 

"Rough day?" JC asked, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Yes." Char pouted. 

A teasing smile crept onto JC's face. "Bet I know what to do to make it better." 

Char bit down on her bottom lip and traced her finger down his chest. "I can think of a few things." 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

One Week Later

Back in Orlando, preparations were underway for the release of No Strings Attached. With the success of Bye, Bye, Bye the album was projected to go number one, however, the fear of the unknown lingered in the air. For the guys of *Nsync, the future of their careers hinged on the success of this album. To say that everyone was a huge bundle of nerves, was an understatement. 

"What if people don't go out and buy it?" JC wondered aloud. 

Char, laying on JC's chest, looked up at him. "Oh my God, are you kidding me? Of course, people are gonna buy it! Teen girls everywhere will probably be knocking each other over in every record store." 

It was the calm before the storm, and the guys were given a weekend off before heading to New York to promote the album, as well as Char's last few days off before she embarked on a promotional tour of her own in Los Angeles. With their last bit of alone time together, Char and JC decided to spend it at his parents' house, relaxing as much as they possibly could. 

"Do you really think so?" JC asked.

Char sat up on the sectional and turned to look at JC. "I know so. I wouldn't say it, if I didn't think it were true." 

"But how do you know?" JC asked skeptically. 

But this is where the action is and

I have to be where the action is.

Look, when your old lady wanted those

alligator shoes, didn't I come through

for you? Ain't she stepping in style

Now?

Char picked up the remote from the coffee table, and hit the pause button, the screen froze on Eddie Murphy's face. "Josh, look at me." JC did as he was told. "Bye, Bye, Bye is smashing records right now, and y'all are number one on TRL like every day. If you can keep Britney and Christina out of the number one spot for so long, that clearly indicates something. You can't turn on a radio station without hearing your song. It's even on the Urban stations and in the clubs! You have a loyal fanbase, and if I know anything, I know for sure they'll be knocking the doors down at every record store across the nation, hell, across the world come March 21st. Mark my words." 

JC sat up and took a moment to really comprehend what Char was telling him. All week he'd had knots in his stomach, and his sleep pattern had been off. He'd written and produced four songs for the album, one of which was the title track. His artistic integrity was on the line. It was reasonable to believe the album would do well, but after everything the band had been through in the past year and a half, he didn't have the luxury of allowing himself to get comfortable. 

"I believe in you guys." Char said, massaging JC's shoulder. "I just wish you believed in yourself." Having Char by his side meant the world to JC. He couldn't have gone through everything without her. She was his rock. His safe place. Between their careers, their relationship was the last thing they had that was truly theirs. Being with her was his safe place. 

"Uhhh... guys." Heather called, walking into the living room, her laptop in hand. 

"What's up?" JC asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"I... um..." Heather stammered as she sat down on the adjacent loveseat. "Okay." She breathed, and squeezed her eyes shut. 

"Heather what's going on?" JC asked his sister, giving her a concerned look. 

"I don't know how to tell you guys this, but I don't want you guys to be blindsided either." 

JC swallowed, feeling a fresh wave of anxiety overwhelmed him. "What is it." 

Heather opened her clamshell, neon blue MAC, and logged in before turning it around, and handing it to JC. 

Char scooted in closer to JC, so she could see the computer screen. Her jaw dropped, and she let out an audible gasp. Staring at the screen, she saw paparazzi photos of JC and herself on the beach hugging and kissing. It was the day of her video shoot when JC and Justin had visited the set. It felt like needles were pricking her skin as realization dawned on her; they'd been outed. The pictures weren't even the worst part, the comments on the message board where the pictures were posted were far worse.

What? Eww! 

I know! I can't believe he's dating her!

Filthy whore!

She's all over him. It's desperate and gross. 

I'm disgusted. 

What does he see in her?

How could JC date a black girl?

And there it was. Everything that all the other anonymous users had been implying summed up in one comment. She was ‘the black girl', and it stung more than she ever thought it would. 

JC, who had seemed to be reading at a slower rate, slammed the laptop shut when got to the last line, realizing that Char had read it. 

"You guys, I am so sorry!" Heather apologized. She'd read the comments. And unbeknownst to JC and Char, the pictures were on other sites, where the comments were ten times as harsh and hateful. 

JC shook his head. "You have nothing to apologize for. Thank you for giving us a head's up." He handed the laptop back to his sister, indicating that he and Char needed a moment. 

"If there's anything I can do, let me know." Heather said, standing up.

"Thanks Heather." JC replied, as Heather left the room. 

Char sat stunned with her back against the couch. She blinked several times, her eyes stinging. She could take a lot. People had said some really cruel things over the years, and she'd taken them in stride. But racism? She didn't even know how to process it. 

"Hey." JC said gently. "C'mere." He leaned back against the couch and pulled Char into his chest. 

"I can't believe what I just read." Char whispered. 

"Ignore it." JC said. "It's just some ignorant teenager from Hicktown, USA." 

"Except if the internet knows, then that means the whole world knows, Josh!" 

"Let's just take everything one step at a time." JC suggested. "We should let Johnny know if he doesn't already." 

"Oh my God!" Char cried. "What's Johnny gonna say? My mom?" 

"Hey, hey." JC said, soothing her. "Everything's gonna be fine. Some celebrity will leak a sex tape, and this will all blow over by next week." 

"But what if it doesn't?" Char asked frantically.

JC took a deep breath. "Well, we're out now. If the world knows we're together, then we embrace it. Stand in it. We'll face whatever hate comes our way together.  You and me against the world."