“I’m going to get an earful from Johnny,” I muttered as I bounced on my toes, rubbing my arms to try and get feeling back into them. Walking for blocks in the snow in New York is not a good idea, especially when you don’t know where the McDonald’s you’re looking for is located. Brian claimed it was one way and Nick claimed it was another so they took us in different directions until Kevin finally asked someone on the street.

“Why? We’re the ones who left voluntarily,” Brian pointed out.

“He’ll probably think I kidnapped you guys or something,” I replied.

Howie looked me from head to toe. “Somehow I doubt that a five-foot-two girl who’s as thin as a stick could kidnap all of us.”

“You never know. I have connections.”

“To what? An army of smurfs?”

“Howie, leave her alone,” Leighanne laughed. “Guys, why don’t you order for us while we girls find a place to sit?”

I looked at her before looking around the place slowly. As it was when we entered, the place was practically empty besides us and a few other people. “Um, Leigh, I know you’re older than me but I’m pretty sure your eyesight hasn’t gone just yet,” I teased. She lightly slapped my arm as Brian chuckled. “Can you get me a #6? Everything large and a Sprite. I’ll pay you back, I promise.”

“I know you’re good for it,” Brian replied.

“Hold onto that one, Leigh. You’re a lucky girl,” I commented as we sat in a booth in the back-corner of the place.

“I know,” she said with a smile. “Sometimes I think that I’m dreaming and I’m just going to wake up one day and find out this wasn’t real.”

“Same here, I feel that exact same way every time Kevin smiles at me,” Kristin agreed. I smiled and kicked my feet forward and back underneath the table. I was glad that they were happy, but at the same time I wanted to kick them. I was about to go into diabetic shock, I sear. I mean, it was endearing but I have to deal with that around my guys all the time, I’d rather talk about (or listen to) anything else.

I jumped when my phone vibrated in my pocket. Leighanne and Kristin kept going back and forth about how wonderful their boyfriends were so they didn’t notice. I slumped in my seat slightly and brought my phone up to my ear, greeting the caller.

“What’s up, Liam?”

“You disappeared from the party. I’m hoping you didn’t go off with a stranger.”

Someone finally noticed? Took ‘em long enough. “No, I’m with a few friends eating a late dinner.”

Liam sighed. “Good, you’re going to need a good balanced dinner. Now, don’t stay out late. You’ll want to get a good night’s rest for tomorrow. We have to have a meeting to discuss a promotional tour to start in February,” Liam said.

“What!?” I exclaimed but he all ready hung up the phone. I growled and shoved my phone back into my pocket. “My management is trying to kill me,” I mumbled apathetically. How in the world am I going to survive my packed day tomorrow? Liam is asking way too much out of me.

I blinked when a hand was waved in front of my face. “What did you say?” I asked, looking at Leighanne.

“Where were you? Wonderland?” She asked.

“MackLand, actually,” I replied. “It’s a wonderful world where our main exports are dance CDs and fish, our currency are green gummy bears and Oreos and we speak fluent sarcasm.” Leighanne and Kristin laughed. Probably politely, though. To be honest I’ve been thinking about it for a while, something unique that would make a great civilization that I could live with.

“Joking aside, are you ok? Last I saw you…you were more animated than this. I know work’s been hard for you but is something else going on?” Leighanne asked kindly.

I clicked my tongue as I tried to find the right words to say. Honestly I didn’t know which was bothering me worse: the fact that my dad has cancer, the fact that my mom lost yet another kid, the fact that she and Mike are holding out on getting married to help my dad, the fact that the guys—who I thought were my best friends—have been ignoring me lately, or that I start to panic whenever I’m left in a room by myself all of a sudden. Which to pick…?

“Uhm, I’m just finally feeling the effects of trying to please everyone,” I replied. That wasn’t a complete lie. “I have a problem of not being able to say no to people. My manager especially. He’s being so helpful booking me for this and that but…” I shook my head “It’s just too much too soon and I’m an excellent multitasker so that’s saying something.”

“So…why don’t you just talk to him and ask him to slow things down? By this rate he’s going to run you into the ground,” Kristin commented. “It won’t hurt for you to speak up a few times. If you didn’t then people would walk all over you all the time like a rug and I know you won’t take that lying down.” She paused and laughed at her own joke. “Get it, rug? Lying down?”

“You’re about as funny as Kevin is,” I commented dryly.

“You know, when you’re teasing someone, you should at least do it when they’re not in earshot,” Kevin commented as he and the guys came over to the table, their hands filled with their trays and food.

“Thanks B,” I said with a smile, taking my food. I didn’t hesitate to dig in. The food at the party sucked, to be polite. I swear, the more money people have the suckier food they get. Apparently Nick agree with me because he had twice the amount of food that we had.

“Are you eating for two, Nicky?” AJ asked with a laugh.

“Lay off, I haven’t eaten since breakfast,” Nick grumbled.

“Nick that was, like, twelve hours ago!” Kevin scolded.

“I know, I just wasn’t hungry then.”

“That’s obvious,” AJ commented before taking a sip of his drink. Nick pushed his tray away from himself, slumped in his seat slight and crossed his arms over his chest, pouting. AJ rolled his eyes. “Stop being such a damn baby and act your age.” Nick flipped him off and AJ laughed. “That’s real mature, Nicky. And you’re turning eighteen when?”

“Stop it, AJ,” I muttered.

AJ laughed. “Nicky, you need a little girl sticking up for you now?”

“No! Leave me alone!” Nick snapped, grabbing a handful of fries and stuffing them into his mouth before taking a big bite of an apple pie.

Kevin sighed. “Nick, you need to cut back on some of the food. You’re going to breakout from the grease.”

“Don’t you mean blow up?” AJ howled with laughter. He didn’t care that he was the only one laughing since he was laughing so hard. Nick scowled and pushed his food away again.

“Why don’t we just…walk around for a bit? Get some fresh air?” Howie suggested.

“I like that idea, Howie,” Nick grumbled, sliding out of the booth and standing up, heading in the opposite direction of the door.

“Hey Grease Trap, the door’s this way,” AJ said as he pointed.

“I’m going to the bathroom!” Nick called over his shoulder before disappearing around the corner.

“AJ, why are you always picking on him?” Leighanne demanded. “He hasn’t done anything to you.”

“He makes it too easy,” AJ replied with a shrug, dipping his French-fries into his chocolate milkshake. “The guy’s too sensitive for his own good. Someone has to get him to man up.”

“By making fun of him about his weight all of the time?” I questioned, flicking a ketchup packet. Suddenly I wasn’t so hungry. “Would you like it if we made fun of your weight?”

AJ merely smirked. “You have nothing to make fun of, sweetie. Admire? Sure. Make fun of? No.” He chuckled and shook his head. “Why’re you always quick to jump on his side anyway? Are you some sort of Chubby Chaser or something?”

“Knock it off, AJ,” Kevin scolded him.

“What? What did I do?” he demanded, chewed up fries sticking to his tongue.

“AJ, gross!” Kristin groaned, throwing a wadded napkin at him. It bounced off of his dark tinted sunglasses. “Ignore him; he’s just in a pissy mood because he keeps getting rejected.”

I shrugged. “It’s not like I haven’t heard it before. AJ didn’t like me before so it’s not going to randomly change now.”

“Still, that doesn’t mean he can be downright mean to you.” I shrugged again and took a sip of my drink. “Nick’s been in there for a while,” Krisitn said suddenly, voicing my own thoughts. “Why don’t one of you check if he’s ok?”

“Are we his mother now?” AJ asked with a bit of bite.

“I’ll go check on him, and then we can take a walk before heading back to the hotel,” Brian said, sliding out of his seat. The rest of us followed suit and got out of our seats, throwing our trash away.

“Ignore AJ, Kristin’s right, he’s just pissed because he kept getting rejected all night,” Howie told me.

“You don’t have to make excuses for him,” I said, shaking my head a bit. “He doesn’t like me, that’s all there is to it, and I’m not particularly fond of him. What bothers me is that he seems to hate me for no reason whatsoever.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t hate you.”

“No matter which was you spin it, Howie, his opinion on me isn’t going to change in a snap of fingers,” I said as I patted his shoulder. “Not that I’m complaining, I can’t please everyone.”

AJ suddenly shoved his way in between us, stopping our conversation flat. “You got that right. Why aren’t you with your merry band of clones? Did they get tired of you or something?” AJ asked, lifting an eyebrow. Ouch, that one hurt only ‘cause he wasn’t far from the truth. “Did they fire their spy or do they want Fatima for themselves since they seem to take everything we have all ready established.”

My skin prickled and I curled my hands into fists as something surged in my stomach. “What did you just say?” I growled.

AJ took off his sunglasses and glared at me. “Put your hands down, girlie. You’re only making a fool of yourself.”

“AJ, stop it right now!” Kevin snapped, glancing at the McDonald’s workers that were watching us in amusement.

“She’s asking for it, Kev, she’s been asking for it since Johnny brought her in.”

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here, loser!” I hissed, shoving him. He took a step back and his glare hardened.

“Guys, not now!” Kevin said, well, practically begged.

“You’re calling me a loser?” AJ questioned.

“Yes, I’m calling you a loser. You’re a loser because you’re so fucking intimidated by my guys that you’re taking your anger out on me. Newsflash, Johnny was the one who took them in. Johnny was the one who suggested I help choreograph you guys, I didn’t earn my job by walking in.”

“No, but you can just turn right around and walk out because we don’t need you. Go back to your band of clones!” AJ shouted. Nick and Brian must’ve caught the end of AJ’s sentence as they left the bathroom because, in a flash, Nick had shoved AJ backwards, blocking me from him.

“Don’t talk to her like that,” Nick snapped.

AJ let out a little laugh. “Don’t come in here waltzing around like you’re some high and mighty.” A sinister smirk was on his face and it caused Nick to blanche and shift his weight from foot to foot, as if he were in trouble with a parent.

“Come on guys, let’s just take a walk. Um, AJ you can walk with Kev, Kristin, and me and Mack you can walk with Brian, Leighanne, and Nicky. Fresh air and some time apart would do us some good,” Howie said, grabbing AJ’s arm and pulling him towards the door.

“Yeah, we can take a buggy ride back to the hotel. You’ve always wanted to do that, right?” Brian said with a strained smile. I squinted at him. Something was wrong with all of them, Nick looked positively afraid of AJ and now Brian was acting funny too. Come to think of it, Kevin and Howie looked scared as well.

“Go ahead and run,” AJ yelled across the restaurant. “Don’t even bother mentioning that you—especially you, Nicky—wanted to screw up ‘N Stupid as much as I did. I mean, what a low blow, going through their choreographer and basing your false friendship on lies, don’t you think?”

“Oh man,” Brian muttered next to me as I stopped, my hand clutching the handle of the door. Nick gulped audibly as I turned and searched AJ’s face. His face was bright as if he had won the lottery.

Or something.

“From the very beginning I wanted to get you out of her. I didn’t care what Johnny said about you being a good dancer or whatever the fuck he bragged about, I wanted you out. You knew that, but, Howie wanted you out in the beginning as well,” AJ continued, smiled at Howie who looked down at the floor. “Kevin and Brian, they kept telling me how it was a bad idea, but they never stopped me, did they? Howie eventually joined their side but they didn’t stop me as well. So then I figured I might as well use your new friendship with Nick to my advantage. Get it through your thick skull, girlie, none of us like you. We don’t want you around, they’re just too scared to admit it. They’ve played you. They brought you up to watch you fall, I knew it would happen, but it took too long so now I’m taking things into my own hands.”

I looked at Leighanne who’s eyes were wide with shock over to Brian who had an apologetic look in his eyes. Then I looked over at Nick who’s mouth was gaped open. There was no point in asking if it were true, the satisfied smile on AJ’s face said it all.

Brain was the first one who found his voice, “Just…listen,” he started.

I shook my head, trying to dislodge the words he just said but they kept slamming into my brain. White-hot anger rose from my toes, up my calves, and burned and bubbled in my stomach like a waiting volcano. “You’re a fucking coward,” I hissed, managing to keep my anger down.

“How? I’m not the one who lied to your face, I made it clear from the beginning that I hated you,” AJ pointed out.

“He’s right,” I laughed bitterly. “He’s right; he’s the only one who wasn’t a coward. The rest of you bastards are. What AJ did was bad but…you guys are the fucking worst for letting him continue with it.”

“Mack, let me explain,” Brian begged, touching my elbow.

“Explain what?” I yelled, causing him to flinch. “How you guys used me? How you turned your back on me when you knew what AJ was doing was wrong?” Brian’s mouth opened and closed as he tried to find something to say. “Did you know about this too?” I snarled, turning to Leighanne.

“Sweetie, I’m sure Brian has a reasonable explanation for everything that has happened,” Leighanne said gently.

“You can’t fucking explain what they did. If you wanted my help, that was fine, I could deal with that perfectly fine.” I turned to Nick who looked downright scared of me. Well, he should be scared. “But calling me your friend for your fucking convenience, that I can’t deal with.”

“No, Mack, that’s not it at all, please just listen,” Nick begged, near tears. I wasn’t moved. He looked around and lowered his voice. “You know what I’m going through right now. You’re the only person I’ve been able to trust. Why would I screw that up?

“You tell me,” I mumbled, before pushing open the door and taking off, ignoring Nick’s and Brian’s yells.

-*-*-*-*-

“So, did you get the job done or what?”

“Yes, but–”

“Good. Now where are you and how long are you going to be there? I need a solid address this time seeing as you almost got caught last time.” The light laugh made his insides twist into an even tighter knot.

“Keep it,” he said, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Excuse me?”

“I said keep it. I don’t want to get into that stuff anymore. Don’t bother trying to call this number. I’m done working for you.”

“Where’s this coming from, Alexander?”

“I just can’t do this anymore. I’m risking my life and everything I care about for what? A stupid pile of dust that makes me feel crappy? Find someone else to do your dirty work. I’m done!”

“Don’t even try to back out of this, Alexander! I can and will make your life a living hell!”

“Go ahead. I don’t give a fuck. I messed up by starting things back in June but now it’s over, Fiona. Over. Don’t talk to me ever again. Don’t call me. Don’t write me. Pretend I don’t exist.”

“You’ve made a bad mistake, Alexander. Just you wait; you’ll get what’s yours.”

-*-*-*-*-

I never knew how much it hurt for tears to dry on your face and then you switch from a cold temperature to a warm one. It felt like I was ripping tape off my face as I tried to rub them away. The man at the desk was nice, asking if I needed anything. He looked shaken. He probably didn’t know how to deal with a crying girl. I quickly told him I was fine and got into the elevator, rubbing my cheeks to thaw them. By the time I got to my room I could finally feel them again. I slid my key card into the lock, waiting for the flashing lights, and pushed open the door. Finally, I can just get some sleep.

“Where the hell have you been?”

Ah snickerdoodles.

I slowly turned on the spot to see JC pushing the door shut with his hand as a light clicked on. Justin, Joey, Lance, and Chris were sitting around the room, all eyes trained on me. “Joe, you can call off the search party now,” JC said to Joey who nodded and went into the bathroom, taking out his cell phone.

“Apparently you guys haven’t learned about not invading someone’s privacy,” I managed to joke despite the suffocating feeling of the room.

“And apparently you still act like a six year old, running off and not telling us where the fuck you’re going,” JC said calmly, which scared me as much as if he were yelling.

“Mack, where’s your jacket?” Lance spoke up, looking at me.

“I gave it to a homeless kid,” I responded quickly off the top of my head. Hr nodded and fell silent.

“Where’d you go?” JC asked, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Just to the McDonald’s down the street,” I replied, looking at my nails. “I got bored and the food was crappy.”

“So you decided to go for a heart-attack meal?” Chris joked. It fell on deaf ears.

“You went by yourself? In the middle of New York?” JC demanded, lifting his eyebrows.

“No, I wasn’t by myself,” I mumbled.

“Who’d you go with? Some random people at the party?”

“No, I was with…um…I was with the Backstreet Boys and their girlfriends,” I admitted. “Their flight was cancelled and they ended up with the night off and they were at the party and we decided to get something to eat, no big deal.” I shrugged, and started tugging off my shoes. I really needed a hot shower and some sleep but apparently the guys weren’t happy with my answer.

“No big deal?” Justin thundered. “No. Big. Deal? Do you even know how freaked out we were? One minute you’re there and the next you’re gone without any fucking word of where you’re going to go and you come back at some un-fucking-Godly hour and you tell us no big damn fucking deal?”

“How long did it take for you to realize that I wasn’t there?” I asked, ignoring how red in the face he was getting. That must’ve been a hell of a lot of anger he was keeping inside.

“Last J saw you was after you went to the bathroom,” Chris finally spoke up.

“Right. Which was about, what, ten? It took you—“ I paused to look at my watch “—three hours to figure out I wasn’t there? And you have the audacity to be mad at me?”

“We had people running all over the place looking for you! And why didn’t you answer your phone? We left you about a hundred messages,” JC said.

“I kept it off ‘cause the batteries were almost dead.” Wow, I didn’t know JC had such a huge vein in his neck. Probably because I was acting like I didn’t care, that wasn’t it at all, I was more angry than sorry right now.

A strange noise made us turn to look at Justin who was biting his lip as if to keep his words inside his mouth. His face looked like a balloon, his cheeks were puffed up making his eyes look all squinty. Nick would’ve commented that he looked like a puffer fish and we would’ve been laughing our asses off while the others thought we were crazy. I squeezed my eyes shut, squashing the thought with them.

“ARE YOU FUCKING CAZY!? Justin yelled, the words spilling out of his mouth. I flinched. He's never raised his voice at me before. “You left a party without telling us, you went somewhere without telling us, you were in the cold without a fucking jacket, and now you tell us that your left your phone off because it was dead, causing all of us to practically have heart attacks and now you just fucking sit there like you don’t fucking care!?”

“I’m surprised you do.” Was my voice really that shaky? I glanced at Joey as he walked out of the bathroom but no one turned to look at him. My heart was pounding and I could feel tears threatening to fall behind my eyes. I just wanted to get to sleep and pray that this day didn’t actually happen. “You didn’t care that I was there, none of you did—except maybe Lance—because you were all so busy with yourselves.” My voice was shaking. I blinked rapidly to keep the tears back but they were ready to fall. “You guys basically ignoring me I was fine with, I mean your lives don’t revolve around me. But what did hurt me was you, J.” he lifted his eyebrows. “All night you pedaled me around introducing me as your choreographer. That’s it. It’s like…I’m your friend when it’s convenient for you or when you’re too damn lazy to do anything for yourself! Excuse me for wanting to be around people who actually care about me and actually are my friends.” I paused when I felt my heart surge. “Or were…” I whispered to myself and then shook my head and let out a big sigh. “Look, I get it, I made you worry. I won’t do it again. Can I go to sleep now?” I wiped at my eyes and let out a shaky breath.

“No you can’t go to sleep now!” JC barked. “You don’t get—“

“Jace,” Chris interrupted him. “I think she gets it.” He glanced at me before looking over at JC who was running his hands through his hair.

“Look, she’s obviously upset and so are you. You have every right to be upset as well but it’s late. Let’s just get some sleep and we can talk about it in the morning when we’re all levelheaded, ok?” Joey added, turning JC towards the door. Chris shoved Justin out the door and gave me a sympathetic look. Lance stayed behind.

“What? You’re going to scold me too?” I grumbled.

“I don’t need to, I know you feel what you did was wrong,” he replied studying my face. “And at the same time I know that you think what you did wasn’t wrong.”

“I just…hate feeling like a little kid compared to you guys,” I sighed, pushing my hair out of my face. “I mean, I have to report to you guys!? That’s messed up.”

“They’re just…protective,” Lance said slowly.

“I got that part, thanks,” I said sarcastically.

Lance thought. “Don’t be too mad at JC and Justin for going off like that. Justin’s never had a sister so I guess he’s making up for the fact that he lost Laura Katherine and JC’s just trying to keep his promise to Lynn and your mother.”

“They think being protective means suffocating me and telling me what to do,” I grumbled. “I’m not a baby!”

“They have good intentions though,” Lance pointed out. “But I get the feeling you’re not upset about them.”

“What gives you that idea?”

“You just sat here. Whenever JC or Justin yell at you you fight back until one of you gets your way.”

“You’re too intuitive for your own good.”

Lance smiled briefly. “What’s wrong? Did the Boys do anything?”

“Let’s just say I figured out what they’re really like and if I have to see them or talk to them again it’ll be too soon.” I hastily wiped at my eyes but the tears were falling too fast for me to keep up. Lance made a tsk-ing sound before pulling me into a hug and I buried my face into his shoulder.

“It’ll be ok, sweetie. Everything will work out for the better,” he whispered.

There’s no denying it, Lance is awesome.