The tapping of my finger became in sync—no pun intended—with the ticking clock on the wall. It had started out rapid at first but then the tempo changed the more agitated I became, which didn’t take a lot to get there recently. Which sucked. Here I am, back on tour with my best friends in the entire world and I’m annoyed with them. I should be happy. I should be having fun spending time with them and performing every now and then and getting rest, but no. it all had to go to shit.

And of course JC had to be the reason.

Sighing, I rolled my head back and looked over at the clock. Only two minutes had gone by. It felt like an eternity. I didn’t even know why he was so insistent on this stupid meeting. I mean, I knew why, when it all came down to it, but it wasn’t necessary. What I did or didn’t do in my life was my own business. I don’t see how he or any of the other guys had a say in it. But that’s what I got for being the unofficial little sister of the group. I didn’t have time for this! I had to, somehow, choreograph a dance completely in one day and prepare for my shows for the week. I wasn’t going to be in the proper headspace with this stupid meeting being called on.

I’m just glad JC had the sense not to make a big deal about it while at the studio and around the little kids. That would be hard to explain, what condoms were and why their visiting teacher had some in her bag. That wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have with their parents, let alone at all. Dance Moms are crazy.

I picked up the nearby remote and jabbed my thumb into the power button. The bright glow of the TV made me blink a couple of times before they adjusted. Then I flipped through the channels to see if anything as on. Of course there wasn’t anything on. Not even a good Hey Arnold! episode.

My boredom cure ended up turning into me playing a sort of bowling game with the miniature shower bottles from the bathroom. I was up for grabbing the spare when a rapid succession of knocks sounded on my door. The knocks of doom. Grumbling, I set aside the bar of soap that I had been using for the ball and answered the door.

“Boy am I so unhappy to see you,” I commented at the sight of the boys standing on the other side of my door. And as much as I didn’t want to have to deal with this I let ‘em all inside. Any way to get them to leave faster. “Can we speed this up, please? I’m in the middle of an intense frame.” I pointed to the discarded bottles on the floor and then sat on the edge of my bed, propping my chin up in my hands.

“Okay, so, we all know why we’re here,” JC spoke up, rubbing his hands together. It made me want to scoff. As if he had any right to be nervous about bringing this up when he was the one sticking his nose in my business in the first place. “We don’t want you to be embarrassed or anything it’s just…we want you to be safe.”

“Well obviously I am if I have condoms,” I replied. My eyebrows popped up at the way the boys seemed to flinch when I said the—apparently—dreaded C word. “Yeah, I said condoms. I’m not afraid to say the word, unlike you are.”

“What are you doing with them anyway?” Chris spoke up.

I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes. This whole “meeting” was beyond stupid if this was what it was going to be like. “Gee, Chris, I was going to use them for makeshift water balloons. Why do you think I have them?”

“I think you’re going to use them for makeshift water balloons because I know you’re not having sex,” he replied, crossing his arms. “You’re too young.”

“I’m sixteen,” I pointed out.

“Which is too young.”

I squinted. Surely that was the only way I was going to see the boys that I knew rather than this preaching bunch that stood before me. I looked from Chris to Lance to Joey to JC to Justin to see if any of them would give this up but they all looked me in the eye. Huh. I figured one of them would turn away but they were standing strong. I was fighting against a brick wall. I needed to try a different tactic.

“Look, people my age are having sex all the time. What does it matter if I’m taking precautions to be protected?” I asked. “I mean, just because I have them doesn’t mean I plan on jumping into the sack with the next person I see.”

“Have you even thought about this?” Lance spoke up. “Really thought about it,” he added before I could even say anything. “Thought about how you feel on the matter? About if you’re actually ready for it or not. There are feelings involved in it.”

I scoffed. “Whatever happened to friends with benefits?” I shifted my palms to rest on the bed behind me, propping myself up as I waited for an answer. I had to press my lips together to keep from smirking at them. There was no way they could get out of this one. I made sense, and that was the cut and dry of it.

“No matter how much it’s separated, there’s always feelings involved, Honeybee,” JC said quietly. My lips twitched at the nickname. I pressed my lips together even tighter to keep them in line. He had to play that card. “Your first time should be special and not something that’s just…wasted.”

My nostrils flared and I drummed my fingers against the bed. If they wanted to play that game and not listen to me, then that was their fault. Sitting up straight I pressed my palsm together and held them to my mouth as I regarded them for a moment before resting my eyes on JC. “Okay, listen to me carefully: I am not. Having sex,” I said slowly while holding JC’s gaze. “And even if I were, when I have my first time and who I have my first time with is none of your business! If I want to go and sleep with a stranger from the street I will. If I want to wait until after I’ve dated my significant other for a year, I will. If I don’t ever want to have sex, I will…er, I won’t.” I clicked my tongue and shook my head. “I appreciate your concern but I don’t need it.”

“What if you get pregnant?” Joey jumped in. The sudden question made me do a double take. I had been so focused on JC I almost forgot he was there.

“I won’t get pregnant,” I denied.

“How do you know that?”

“Because I’d be protected, duh.”

“Condoms don’t always work.”

“Trust Joe, he’d know all about them,” Chris cracked. Justin’s shoulders shook with a suppressed laugh of which stopped abruptly when JC cut his eyes at him. “Sorry,” Chris muttered once he realized he was also on the receiving end of JC’s glare.

“He’s right, though,” JC spoke up. “Condoms don’t always work.” Blah, blah, blah. If you wanna talk my ear off, JC, talk about something interesting. I turned my attention to a loose thread in the hem of my shirt and began tugging on it. “Joe’s right, they don’t always work in preventing pregnancy but they also don’t stop you from contracting some STDs and STIs as well.” Yeah yeah, STIs and STDs…wait, what!? I yanked the loose thread away from my shirt. It came off successfully and the tight material around my finger made it throb. “And what if you do get pregnant? What then? What about your dancing and your singing?”

“I’d…figure something out,” I replied, waving my hand, batting away his words. They didn’t mean anything. I wasn’t going to get pregnant. It probably wouldn’t even happen to me. It was just a ridiculous thought. Me getting pregnant. I shook my head, dislodging the silly thought that had had been implanted there. It was just…silly.

“We’re not talking to you about this to get on your nerves or to scare you,” Lance said. I blinked and looked up at him, taking in a deep breath and let it out through my nose. “You’re growing up and—”

“Oh my god, we’re not having the sex talk again are we? I was traumatized enough two years ago, I don’t need to hear it again,” I interrupted him, making a face. Only a second later did I realize that it was a bit of a moot comment, being that we kinda already were in the middle of a sex talk but I didn’t need the anatomy lessons again. I already had that seared in my memory, no matter how much I tried to push that whole Germany incident away.

“No, this isn’t a sex talk. This is just us saying that your body and your mind is still changing. Certain things will grab your interest and you may think you’re ready for some things when you might be ready for that, or think you are anyway…but not the consequences.”

“Why don’t we just get to the point?” Chris jumped in. He dropped his previously crossed arms to stand in front of me and look me in the eye. “We all wanna know but everyone else is being a chicken shit to ask, so I will: are you sleeping with him?” He asked, tilting his head in Justin’s direction.

“No, I’m not sleeping with Justin,” I replied, throwing in a good amount of scoff to make them feel foolish for the idea. Me and Justin. Sleeping together. Ha! We may be close but we weren’t that close. Just…kissing friends close. There was a huge difference.

“Good, you can do better,” Chris replied, smirking. “I mean look at that hair.”

“Fuck you, man,” Justin finally spoke up, holding his middle finger up in his direction.

“Hold the phone,” I said, holding up my finger. “The entire reason this whole…weird interrogation came up besides the fact that JC can’t keep his large nose out of my business—I mean, with a nose like that it’s really not all that surprising”—I ignored the look JC threw my way at my jab, but I didn’t care it made me feel a little bit better about the whole thing and I was getting a bit backed up without some sort of comment towards him and that couldn’t be good for my health—“is because you think we’re sleeping together?”

“Yeah,” Lance and Joey said in unison.

I couldn’t help it, I started laughing. Long and hard. Ugh, boys were so stupid some times. And the worst part about it was that they were my boys. And I loved my boys but God, do they grate on my nerves sometimes. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I said, waving my hand only for my laughter to start again from how high pitched my voice was. “It’s just…how? You’ve been with him more than I have the past couple of months, how could we possibly be sleeping together?” I asked.

My question hung in the air as their expressions slowly changed and they looked at one another.  Joey clicked his tongue, scratched behind his ear and muttered, “Yeah…probably should have thought about that a little longerrrr,” he mused aloud.

“Ya think?” Justin asked dryly. “I told you nothing was going on.” He leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye to see him brush his thumb across his mouth and then press his lips together.

“Y’know, I gotta say, the hypocrisy about this whole thing is astounding,” I said, getting to my feet. “I mean, you’re all real winners. This one”—I jerked my thumb in Justin’s direction—“slept with Veronica when he was fourteen. Fourteen years old. That’s two years younger than me. This one”—I pointed at Joey—“well, let’s just say it’s no surprise that he likes girls a lot so there’s no sense in me pointing everything out. This one”—I turned my attention to Chris—“probably has some strange dungeon sex thing going on I don’t even want to know about. This one”—I swung my attention over to Lance and then faltered as I looked at him—“…okay, well, it’s Lance. He might be an exception. But you”—I turned my attention over to the instigator himself, JC Chasez—“you come off as all high and mighty but you’re hardly better than the rest of them. How old were you with your first time? Fifteen? Sixteen? OH, wait, maybe you waited for ‘the one’” I made finger quotes around the word and scoffed.

“Was it Nikki, Josh?” I continued, now standing in front of him. “Nikki fucking DeLoach that eeeeeveryone in the whole goddamn world was in love with? Was she The One, Josh? Was she the one that you took to bed to try and work that seemingly permanent stick out of your ass? Which obviously didn’t work.” I crossed my arms and squinted at him. The withering way JC looked back at me made my stomach clench and maybe I deserved it but I didn’t care at this point and neither did my mouth. “So…how was she? Was she good in bed? Did you fuck her brains out?”

“Dude…” Chris uttered, the first sound that broke the silence that had settled in the room.

JC parted his lips, swiped his tongue across the bottom, and pushed a harsh breath through his flared nostrils. “Are you really so stupid that you can’t see that we’re concerned about you?”

“Oh, so now I’m stupid?” I demanded.

“Yes!” JC shot back. The word smacked me across the face and held my tongue. I took a step back but he wasn’t done. “You are! To even think that having sex, especially now, is a good idea. You’re not mature enough for it, you’re under a lot of pressure, you’re stressed out, your parents are going through a tough time, your father’s sick—“

“Don’t you dare bring my daddy into this!” I hissed, interrupting him. “Don’t. You. Fucking. Dare.” A jab of my finger to his chest punctuated every word.

“The problem is that you don’t understand the magnitude of the choices you make because you only see this far in front of your face,” he continued, holding his hand a few inches away from his face. “I—we don’t want you getting hurt. We’re trying to protect you.”

“Yeah, and that’s what I’m trying to do with condoms! At the end of the day, it’s my body and I can use it how I want to!” I cried out, throwing my arms into the air. I grabbed at my hair and then let it slide through my fingers and dropped them by my side. “You know, I don’t think this is about me being young, I think this is about you not being able to accept the fact that I’m not the same little kid that followed you around on set. Newsflash: I grew up.”

“That’s the thing; you’re acting like you’re done with it. That you’re stuck, you’re sediment. You’re not,” JC replied. “You’re still a blank canvas, anything and everything will shape and leave marks on you no matter what you do or say to combat that all we want is for you to like the picture at the end. That’s all.” He sighed. “When you’re ready to actually talk we’ll be around. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but we love and care about you and only want what’s best and what you deserve.”

“Yeah, whatever,” I grumbled, dropping back down onto my bed, feeling all my previous anger-induced energy get sapped from my body. One by one the boys got up to leave the room. Joey paused to mutter “Next time you want condoms, just come to me, I got you covered” and then followed Chris and JC out. Lance paused to give me a hug but then he followed the rest of the guys out. I stopped Justin at the door  and he let it close with a click, sealing us in the quiet room.

“Look, I’m sorry about that. Had I known…once I found out I tried to talk them out of it,” Justin stammered, rubbing his palms together. “It wasn’t cool.”

I shrugged. “What else do you expect from JC, eh?” I replied.

“Yeah.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s just…were those…why did you buy them?”

I snorted. “Really? Were you absent for that spectacle?” I asked, waving my arms to motion to the space of the room. He merely shrugged his shoulders. I sucked in a deep breath, let it out, pushed a hand through my hair, looked him in the eye and said as calmly as possible, “May as well cut to the chase then: they think we’re doing it anyway, so I think we should have sex.”