April 16th, 1998
London, Ontario, Canada

“Oh Canada, how I missed you!” I sighed as soon as I set foot in the airport. I clutched my pillow close to my chest and looked around the familiar terminal. People all around us rushed by, heading in different directions to get to their destinations. Up above the voice on the PA system calling out flight information was almost drowned out by the din of the customers in the airport.

“You do realize we’re not in Montreal, right?” Justin asked as he slung an arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side. I lightly bumped my hip against his and smiled up at him.

“Yes, I know, but it all feels the same to me. And Canada’s like the South, just without the accents. Everyone’s really friendly up here.” Almost as soon as I finished my sentence a man passed by who was ranting about something with his female companion, his face bright red. “Well, when they’ve had their coffee they are anyway.”

He laughed as the rest of the guys approached us, moving single file away from the gate along with the other passengers from the plane. My band came out from behind them, yawning and rubbing at their eyes. If I weren’t so excited I’d be as tired as the rest of them. I still wasn’t used to having to wake up early just to fly somewhere. It was the only part about this whole thing I hated. Being away from home was a close second.

“Okay from here we’re going to stop by the hotel to drop your things off and then you’re going straight to the radio station for your interview,” Johnny commented as soon as he was sure he had the boys’ attention. “After that you’re going back to the hotel to do phone interviews, have lunch, do sound check, meet some fans, and then do your show. Since we’re not going far to the next city we’re sleeping in London tonight but that means you have to be up and ready to go tomorrow morning.”

Joey sighed. “Another packed day.”

“Them’s the breaks if you want to make it,” Jonny said with a shrug of his shoulders. “Let’s get to—“

He didn’t have a chance to finish his sentence when a few piercing screams caused us all to jump. And suddenly the fans were upon us. Some were red in the face, a lot of them continued to scream, and a good chunk of them were crying. I never quite understood why they cried. It only made me feel awkward and not know what to do.

“Don’t crowd, don’t crowd,” Tiny said over the noise, holding his hands up while addressing the fans. “One at a time.”

“Hey, we’ll get your things so we can just head on out,” I said loudly into Justin’s ear so he could hear me over the noise.

“Okay, thanks,” he replied. He then bent his head, as if to kiss me, but I ducked out of the way. His eyebrows came together and I offered up a little shrug then turned to catch up to my band who had already began to walk in the direction of baggage claim.

“What was that about?” Lyric asked as soon as I fell into step with them.

I lifted my bag higher over my shoulder and glanced back to be sure that Liam was with us. I locked eyes with Justin for a moment and then forced myself to turn back around. Feigning innocence I asked, “What was what about?”

“You and Justin. He looked as if he were about to kiss you.”

I shrugged one shoulder. “He kisses me on the forehead sometimes, no big deal,” I replied. She gave me a look but, thankfully, didn’t press the issue. I wouldn’t know how to talk my way out of it if she wanted to know details. I still wasn’t sure how I felt about having kissed him but I knew that doing it again probably wouldn’t be a good idea.

A few minutes went by before we were able to get all of the bags off of baggage claim and the guys finally came over. Tiny and Johnny were holding onto the bright gifts and posters that were given to them and we were escorted out of the airport and to the cars that were waiting for us.

“I wish we could turn Canada up a few degrees,” Chris commented as soon as he got into the van an settled in. “My balls are about to fall off.”

“You need balls first for that to happen,” Joey commented.

“Burn!” Justin cheered and high fived him.

“What’re you laughin’ about, Mr. Falsetto?” Chris demanded while punching Justin in the arm.

“Look who’s talking!” Justin shot back, shoving him into the window.

As much as I tried to fight it a smile stretched on my face. It’s just hard to not smile around these goobers, they were too funny. And I did miss them a lot. Things just weren’t the same without them around. Yeah, the Backstreet Boys were the same in some degree but there’s nothing like the original thing. And they were my boys, even when they pissed me off; they’re special and important to me.

I tucked myself into a ball in my seat and looked out the window the entire ride over to the hotel. The tall buildings towered over us as we navigated through the city. Sun was trying to peek out from behind the light gray clouds, giving everything a strange golden glow. It made everything look so peaceful.

“Are you alright? You’re very quiet,” Lance said while tapping me atop of my head.

I tilted my head back until I was looking at his face upside-down. “I’m just thinking,” I responded. “Of what I have to do, everything coming up. We’re going to be very busy soon. I’m mentally preparing myself for it.”

“Don’t you think it’s better to live day by day instead? Not worry too much about all that you have to do and just enjoy the moment?” He questioned.

I gave a little shrug and turned my attention back to the scenes passing by the window. But he did have a point with his idea. That’s how my father was going about his life now. It’s what he said in his e-mails anyway. He always made a day that sounds so boring sound like an adventure. And he seemed really happy and enjoying his life despite not knowing how sick he would be the next day. He didn’t seem stressed or bothered at all with his life going a different direction than mine or Mom’s.

I sighed and rubbed at my eyes, going over what I had to do for the day: get my stuff to the hotel, get a choreography routine down for tomorrow, sign some photos… Hmm, if only I could replace all of that with take the world’s longest bath and relax. That would make this ‘break’ start off good. I rubbed at the side of my head, feeling a headache beginning to come on.

Finally we arrived at the hotel and managed to get in without a hitch. I was surprised to know that there weren’t fans waiting outside of the hotel. They’ve very sneaky, I’ll give them that. A little terrifying sometimes. One even tried to get through airport security while riding the conveyor belt. It was kind of funny. But I don’t recommend it. Security frowns on that.

When I had finally gotten up to my room I had to resist the urge to sit down for I knew if I ever connected with that mattress I’d be out like a light. Taking a small detour into the bathroom I splashed water onto my face to wake myself up. Once leaving I navigated around Lyric’s things that were strewn around the room and glanced at the bed to see her already snoring.

Lucky her.

Sighing, I reluctantly left the room after packing a small bag for the day and went in search of the guys. The sooner this day started the sooner I could get back and get some sleep. Until then a bottle of Coca-Cola would be my best friend. I shuffled down the hall while yawning, my eyes squinting so much that I almost ran into Johnny.

“Oh. Sorry, I didn’t see you,” I mumbled while rubbing my eyes. “Here I was hoping that a ‘break’ would constitute me actually being able to sleep. I should’ve known that that wouldn’t be the case.” I yawned again and shook my head. “Sorry. How have they been doing? And be honest. I can only really gauge them on how sharp their moves are.”

“They still have the hunger in their eyes, which is good,” Johnny explained. “Things are only going to continue going up and they’re going to have to keep that hunger if they want to go far. A few times it seemed as if they were beginning to run out of steam but they never lose sight of the prize. Their goals are what keeps them going.”

“Are they sleeping well? Eating right? Exercising regularly?” I questioned. “Are they following any of my guidelines at all? They can’t afford to be sick or injure themselves.”

Chuckling he said, “They’re well aware of the situation they’d put themselves in if something were to go wrong for one of them. They’re taking good care of themselves to keep up with the work.” He ruffled my hair earning a frown from me. “You don’t need to worry about them so much. They can take care of themselves.”

I lifted an eyebrow. “These are the same guys who laugh like a bunch of idiots over fart jokes.”

“They’re boys, what can I say?”

I rolled my eyes. “Excuses, excuses.”

“Oh, speaking of which. I have this for you.” He reached around his back to the bag that was sitting on his shoulder and dug into it. I blinked rapidly to keep my burning eyes open and stifled a yawn that caused my ears to pop. I had pinched my nose and blew gently to get them back to normal when Johnny found what he was looking for. “From Nick,” he said as he handed over a CD. As if I needed the help to figure out who it was from, I recognized the handwriting on the tracklist right away.

“Thanks,” I mumbled. I turned the case around in my hands a couple of times and had barely slipped it into my drawstring bag when I felt two arms wrap around my waist. My heart began to pound. I gasped and dropped my hands and tried to pry the other ones off of me. It took a few seconds of me fighting against the other person before they removed their arms. I stepped away and spun on my heel simultaneously to see who it was and felt a huge wave of relief. “Jesus, Justin, don’t do that,” I sighed once I realized it was him. Placing a hand on my chest I took in a few deep breaths to calm my sudden racing heart.

“Sorry,” he apologized while laughing, obviously not too sorry about what he did. “What’s gotten you so jumpy? Or did you suddenly get ticklish?”

I gave a shrug and turned my eyes over to the ugly pattern of wallpaper that sat on the walls, avoiding his and Johnny’s looks. “It’s nothing,” I denied with a shake of my head. “Just not in the mood. Haven’t gotten much sleep, you know how cranky I get.”

The confused look dropped from his face and he nodded. “I’ll get you a coke as soon as possible. I’ll be saving us all from your wrath.”

“Ha ha,” I laughed sarcastically. “I’m not that bad.”

“You see this?” He asked while folding down an ear to look it make look like mangled. “This is the result of you biting my ear off!”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” I said with a wave of my hand. “Be useful and go and make sure the others aren’t sleeping will ya? You have to be at the station in twenty.”

“Uh oh, bossy boots is back!” Justin called over his shoulder while walking back down the hall.

I held my middle finger up behind his back and sighed while shaking my head. As soon as I was in the picture the sport of teasing the youngest was automatically shifted over to me. And, of course, Justin would jump at the opportunity to pass the buck as soon as it was in his sights.

“Remember that you can’t kill them. They pay you,” I said under my breath while rubbing my temples. Johnny chuckled and I smiled innocently at him. “You didn’t hear or say anything right?” I asked while looking over at him.

He lifted his hands. “Hey, I heard nothing,” he replied. “But I think having you around again would be good for them. Make sure they’re sticking to their business and not letting their eyes go astray and keeping a level head on their shoulders.”

“Are they getting swelled heads?” I asked.

“Not too swelled, not too swelled,” he replied. “But I have to admit they are getting a bit inflated with the craziness that goes on around them.”

“By which you mean the screaming girls?” I asked slowly. He didn’t respond in a way that confirmed or denied my question but I had a feeling that it was mainly Joey who was the culprit in this. He and Justin weren’t strangers to the club scene. It’s practically impossible with them, being such people persons. Add onto the fact that they basically had the world at their fingertips? It was probably a recipe for disaster and if JC was the only one standing in their way, acting like a father like he usually does, he would get steamrolled time and time again. “No worries,” I said while slowly cracking my knuckles. “I’ll make sure they stay out of trouble.” I winked and added, “By any means necessary.”

“Why have a bodyguard? You’re intimidating yourself, and you’d be so unsuspecting,” Johnny joked.

“Hey, I’m five-foot-two of pure terror!”

“More like five-foot-two of cuteness,” Joey corrected me. A split second later he had my cheek in between his finger and thumb and began pinching it while pulling my skin as far as it could go.

“Leh go of mah face!” I said while trying to slap his hands away from me. “I’m not six!”

“You’re still as cute as a button,” he responded while ruffling my hair. Growling I smoothed it back into place while the others laughed.

“Alright, let’s go before we have to pay for the blood stains on the carpet,” Johnny said while waving his arm to usher us down the hall. I pointed my fingers at my eyes and then at Joey who stuck out his tongue in response.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Was it possible to be torture by the sound of a clock? I felt like I was slowly going insane. I thought radio stations were supposed to be noisy and lively but around here it was almost like someone died. It was too quiet!

Sighing I shifted my position on the chair I was sitting in so I stretched out along the seats beside me and looked at my watch again. Only five minutes had gone by since the last time I looked at my watch but it felt like forever. How did I have fun being a tag along before. This was so dull. I almost miss being really busy.

Almost.

Reaching down into my bag I grabbed the newest issue of YM, grinning when I noticed that Leonardo DiCaprio was on the cover. It was a very good picture of him too, not that any of them made him look bad. That was practically impossible with his genes. He had the perfect smoldering look on his cover which went along with the headline “Get intimate with Leo!”.

Yes please.

“Why must you be so much older than me?” I growled in frustration while turning a page on the article only to get another page long poster of his handsome face. “Life’s just not fair sometimes.”

“Erm…do you always talk to yourself? Not that talking to the magazine would be that much better, now that I think of it.”

I lowered the magazine, sadly tearing my gaze away from Leo’s, to see a guy chuckling as he leaned over the receptionist’s desk. He picked up the wastebasket and dumped the contents into a larger bin that had wheels on the bottom.

“No, this only happens when I’m really bored,” I responded while closing the magazine and then I put it down.

“Waiting on someone?” He asked.

“Just my friends,” I said and sat up straight. “They’re being interviewed right now.”

“Oh, so they must be a big deal.”

“Kind of. Ever hear of *NSYNC?”

Not that I really expected him to. Their fanbase, while steadily growing, was still 99.9% girls. Young girls at that. Having a male in the audience that wasn’t a father was a rare sight. But, surprisingly, he nodded.

“Yeah, my sister loves ‘em,” he chuckled. “Won’t let anyone touch the radio dial if one of their songs comes on. Man she’d die if she knew they were here.”

“Is that why you’re working here, erm”—I squinted to read his nametag—“John?”

“No, though it does have its perks,” he replied. “This is to help pay for college. But for now it’s to get some extra money to take my sister to a show.”

“Huh,” I hummed while tapping my chin. “*NSYNC by any chance? They’re playing tonight, you know. You didn’t get a ticket in time?”

He shook his head. “They sold out fast. Canada loves it’s pop music apparently.”

“Apparently.” I leaned over in my seat to look down the hall. Johnny was standing on the otherside of the wall where the guys were being interviewed on 6x 106.9 FM. My eyes shifted to John, back to Johnny, and then to John again. “Do you want to go?” I asked. John blinked at me. “To the show. Do you and your sister want to go?”

John’s eyebrows lifted. “Well, of course. My sister would love it but—“

“Well good,” I interrupted him. “’Cause I can get you two tickets for tonight. Good seats too.”

His mouth fell open. “R-really? I mean, I don’t want to put you out of your way.”

I held up my hand. “It’s no big deal. Just come to the venue and I’ll have everything else sorted out.”

“Wow. Thanks so much. Uhm, how much are they?”

“Free of charge.” At the expression on his face I continued, “Y’see, to get more attendance I can give away tickets if we have any extras. But don’t tell anyone! It’s a closely guarded secret, I don’t give ‘em out to just everyone, you know.”

“I won’t. Oh gosh, my sister is going to flip out.”

I grinned. “And you’ll be seen as the best big brother ever. It’s a win-win, I’d say.”

He almost dropped the wastebasket in excitement. “Thanks again. This means a lot.”

“Again, no problem. Do you have a SkyTel or a number where I can reach you?” I asked while taking mine out of my pocket. I had begun punching in the number as he relayed it when a bottle of diet coke suddenly filled my vision. “Justin, you’re getting condensation on my screen.” I grumbled while pushing the bottle out of the way.

“No big deal, I can buy you a new one,” he responded. I looked up from the screen and gave him a hard look. He shrugged and turned his attention to John. “Did you need something or…?”

I slapped his arm. “Don’t be rude,” I scolded. “This is John. His sister is a fan of yours; I was getting his number to give him some tickets for tonight’s show so he could take her.”

“Sister, huh?” He hummed. My eyebrows lowered at his tone. It was almost as if he didn’t believe me. “Well, I hope she enjoys the show. It should be a really good time.”

“Uh, right,” John responded. After putting in his number I quickly jotted mine down and handed it over to him. “Thanks. I’ll see you later then. And thanks again.”

“Stop thanking me,” I laughed. “Just enjoy the show, yeah?” I waved to him as he left to get back to work and then rounded on Justin as soon as John was gone. “What was that about?” I demanded while lifting my eyebrows.

“What?” He asked innocently while looping an arm around my waist. Then he kissed the side of my head.

“You know what,” I replied. “You were practically jumping down his throat.”

He shrugged. “I just think it’s convenient—“

“That he has a little sister?” I rolled my eyes. “People do have siblings you know. I wasn’t just randomly giving him my number. Not that it would be any of your business if I were.”

“How old is he?” He asked.

I baked out of his grasp. “I dunno, twenty? He said he’s in college so—“

He scoffed. “Oh I’m sure all he wanted was a ticket from you.”

“Oh gimmie a break!”

“Don’t be so naïve.”

“Don’t be so stupid!” I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest. “You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?” He demanded. I could see his neck slowly turning red, which meant he was trying hard to suppress some sort of anger. I wish he’d just come out with it, trying to hide something from me was stupid.

“Acting like a jealous boyfriend,” I explained. “You did the same thing when Trace and I went on that one disaster of a date two years ago. A disaster because of you, might I add.”

“Please,” he scoffed. “I knew from the get go you two wouldn’t work out. You get on each other’s nerves too much.”

I held up my hand. “Regardless, I can take care of myself. Hell, I just went on tour without you and I came back fine.”

“If you call having a disorder fine.”

I glared. “Don’t you dare throw that in my face,” I growled. “You don’t understand anything about it so shut up!”

“Hey! Itchy, Scratchy, put down the claws,” Johnny spoke up. Justin and I broke eye contact to see the others coming towards us. “What’s going on, guys?” He asked. We glanced at each other but didn’t say a word. “Nothing at all?” He prompted.

“Nope,” Justin said while holding out my bottle.

“Whatever,” I grumbled.

“No, no, no! Lance you’re too far over and you’re still a half beat behind! JC, perk it down. Chris, perk it up. And Joey, please stop making those faces!” I called out while rubbing my temples. “This is the seventh time I had to stop you. Usually you only need one correction. Get it together!”

“Hey, why don’t you cool down a bit?” Johnny asked while touching my arm. “They’re doing their best.”

I scoffed. “This isn’t their best. I’ve seen their best. They’re slacking, that’s what they’re doing.”

“Hey, we’re not all trained dancers since we could walk!” JC called over from the stage. He was pinching the front of his shirt and pulling it away from his skin to give himself some air. “Lighten up a bit, will ya?”

“If I lighten up you’ll be on the fast track to becoming the next E-Male,” I responded.

“Who?” Joey asked.

“Exactly!”

Johnny sighed. “Boys, run through it once more and then you can take a break, alright. And Lance, please do your best and stay on beat.” He glanced at me. “She does have a point.”

“Kid, why don’t you run through the routine you’re making for the competition?” Liam asked me. “In the hall so you’ll have more space.”

I sniffed. “Might as well just throw me out,” I said and then walked out of the dance studio, making sure not to lock eyes with any of them.

I exhaled a long, slow breath and paced the hallway a few times to try and let go of the anger that was bouncing around inside of me, of which was slowly being replaced with guilt. I shouldn’t have yelled at them all. Well, it wasn’t truly out of the ordinary when they weren’t getting the choreography right but still. I was mad at Justin, not them. A little bit at Joey for his crack this morning but more so Justin than anyone.

I let out a little laugh when it dawned on me that I wasn’t even too mad at JC anymore. What he did was crappy but maybe he had a point...

I placed my headphones over my ears and turned on the walkman that I had attached to my waistband. The guitar intro started, wrapped around a few beat pulses before the song kicked in and I let my body move through the specific movements I had mapped out in my head. The song I had chosen was a song I had recorded but haven’t released yet called Jumping Inside. It’s a catchy pop song with guitars overtop of it that I really enjoyed performing on the mini stint I had with BSB.

I'm spinning circles and I can't deny
Floating on your love like a butterfly
Got me jumping inside thinking about you
No secrets, no games to play
It's all right, it's okay I never felt this way
Got me jumping inside thinking about you

I lip-synched through the song while counting in my head to stay on beat and make sure the moves were right for the song and for the little kids. I tried not to focus on my breathing and just on performing the moves. I would’ve liked it better had I had a wall of mirrors in front of me but there was no way you could get better if you were constantly watching yourself.

At the sudden weight of a hand on my shoulder, I dropped it and moved out the way. Sweat trickled down my face and neck as I tried to get my breathing back to normal and glared at the culprits. “Will you people stop touching me?” I demanded.

“That could be so bad taken out of context,” Joey said with a little laugh. I crossed my arms over my chest. “Okay, you’re not in a jokey mood.”

I took in a breath. “What do you want?” I asked while breathing back out, feeling my heart beats starting to slow.

“We wanted to talk,” Lance replied.

“About what?”

Stupid question, I already knew what he was going to say.

“About you,” he voiced my suspicions. “Please sit with us. We just want to talk, that’s all.” He held out his hand to me. I hesitated for a moment but eventually grasped his hand and let him and Joey walk me over to a room that had a couch and a few chairs in it. Lance sat down next to me on the couch and Joey sat in the chair, looking at us both.

I shifted my position on the couch, not wanting to sit back fully only to feel my wet shirt against my back. I brought a leg up onto the couch, pulling it close to my body and began to mess with my shoelaces. They didn’t say anything for a moment, which began to work on my nerves. Unless that was their plan. It’d be a damn good one.

My lips began to twitch as my mouth filled with questions. I pressed them together, tight so nothing would come out. If they wanted to talk they’d be the ones talking first. If it were me I couldn’t promise that I wouldn’t bite their ears off. I hated this game. Them walking on eggshells around me. Yeah, it was mainly my fault but I’d rather they slap me in the face with whatever it was they were going to say than be quiet about it and wait. For what, I don’t know. I just hated the waiting.

“Okay I’m just going to say this bad attitude has gotta stop,” Joey spoke up first. I grunted. “The rest of us haven’t done anything so we don’t deserve it. You being harsh while looking over our choreography was normal but you’re making us feel like pack mules.”

“Pack mules?” I repeated incredulously.

“You know what I mean.”

“We just want to know what it is that’s gotten you so angry. You didn’t used to be like this while around us. It makes us want to know if we did anything,” Lance jumped in. “I know the whole e-mail thing rubbed you the wrong way. But…we’re concerned about you and Justin.”

“What is this, an intervention?” I demanded.

“No, we just want to get to the bottom of this. You guys seemed fine yesterday and…well, we just want to know something.”

I rested my forehead on my palm and looked at him underneath my eyelashes. “What?”

Lance and Joey exchanged a look before Joey finally blurted out, “Have you two had sex?”

I wanted to laugh and make a sound of disgust at the same time. I looked back and forth between them. Were they high? Or just that crazy? Not just with the idea of me having sex in general but with Justin. Ew. Double ew. “Wha—I—No!” I finally spluttered. “Gosh, don’t give me bad mental images.”

“Everything was fine with you guys just yesterday,” Joey said slowly. “And now you’re at each other’s throats. I’ve seen this happen before. If you have you can tell us.”

“We didn’t have sex, Joey,” I said firmly.

“Are you still a virgin?”

“Joey!”

“We just don’t want you jumping into something you’re not ready for,” Lance jumped in once more. “Having sex is a very important decision, one of which that should be thought through long and hard before anything even happens and—“

“You guys have given me the sex talk before, remember?” I interrupted him. “You showed me how to put a condom on a banana and all that stuff. Heck I even…” I quickly stopped my thoughts from racing back a few years in the past and shook my head while feeling my cheeks burn. Clearing my throat I continued, “I know everything I need to know. I’m not having sex in any way, shape, or form. That’s not the problem.”

“Then what is the problem?” Joey prompted.

I took in a deep breath, my body swelling from the action, and I let it out. “I don’t want you all to worry about it,” I explained. “It’s our problem.”

“Yeah…but when your problem affects us it becomes our problem,” Lance explained. “We’re all friends; we can get through whatever’s the problem.”

“You…all are the problem.” The words forced their way out of my throat before I could stop them. My heart fell at the stunned look on Joey’s face and the hurt one on Lance’s. They didn’t say anything. I untied and retired my shoelace a few times. “Look,” I started. “Sometimes I feel like you all don’t understand that I’m sixteen years old. You…treat me like a child or like I can’t do anything by myself when I’m perfectly capable and it’s very…frustrating. Like today I was talking to this guy to get tickets to your show and Justin reacted as if he wanted to get into my pants so we fought about that.”

Joey rubbed his chin. “There has to be more to it than that,” he said slowly.

There was. But how was I supposed to explain to him about the situation Justin and I were in now. “Oh yeah, Justin and I kind of made out last night and now I think he thinks we’re dating and I don’t want to date him and I regret it and now everything’s weird between us.” That would go over like a lead balloon.

“Other than the JC thing, no,” I said with a shake of my head. “I’m stressed beyond belief, having to shove shows and choreography gigs in this week and I’m just so tired. Not that they’re good excuses but…I’m still young, y’know. The constant comments about being ‘cute’ and all…I don’t want to be ‘cute’ anymore. I want people to take me seriously and know that I have the ability to take control of things that I need to. I just need some space to do that.”

Lance, who hadn’t said a word, was nodding slowly. I sighed again (I was doing that a lot today) and felt my shoulders drop, suddenly feeling lighter than I had before, just like my chest. Lance leaned forward and took my hands in his and gave them a small squeeze. “We’re just looking out for you. No, don’t interrupt me, I have to say this. We love you to death. You’re like our little sister. Sometimes we’d just rather you not have to learn lessons the hard way and block you from them altogether. I think that’s why JC did what he did. Ina way he was trying to protect you both from growing up. But that’s all, we want to protect you from…well, everything that we can. And we will if it’s in our power. We do recognize that you have to learn lessons on your own but understand that we care about you. A lot. We know we frustrate you sometimes. Hell, you frustrate us a lot as well but we’re growing up together and it’s going to take some time for us to get used to it all. So please, bear with us okay? We’ll bear with you. Deal?”

“Deal,” I replied. Hey, it was hard to argue with Lance. Especially when he was right. He had a certain way of explaining things to you that you can’t miss his point, no matter how much you want to ignore it.

“Okay, now give me a hug,” he ordered. Chuckling I wrapped my arms around his neck and squeezed tight, laughing again when Joey jumped in and said he didn’t want to be left out. “Being a teen is tough but know that you have five guys to help you through, alright?”

“Alright.”

“Now, I think you have someone else you need to talk to.”

I pouted at him and he gave me his best stern face. “Fine,” I uttered begrudgingly and got off the couch. I walked slowly. I was in no rush to go and talk to JC. Lance had a point, we were going to be on tour for a bit and it was better to be on good terms than bad ones the entire time but still. He crossed the line, good intentions or not and I was determined to make him understand that.

Opening the door of the dance studio I stuck my head in and looked around. “Hey JC, can I talk to you for a second?” I called out. He looked up from where he was sitting on the floor and then got to his feet. I backed out of the way of the door and loosely crossed my arms over my chest waiting for him to join me in the hall. I bit down on my lip when he came out and the door closed behind me. “Look, I’m just going to cut to the chase, I don’t like that you impersonated us after I trusted you with the passwords to my stuff…but after talking to Lance I think I got a better idea of why you did it. You were in the wrong, of course, but I get it. I’ve been friends with him for years; I can handle whatever happens between us. I get that you want to protect us but please let us work through our problems on our own. If I need help I’ll come to you.”

He scratched at the back of his head. “Okay,” he finally replied.”I’m sorry I betrayed your trust, both of you. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing. I didn’t think about how you two would react, I thought I was helping you see how much you depend on each other and how it could be…impeding to you two and your growth. But I see how I was wrong, because I hurt you both regardless and now you’re at each other’s throats—”

I waved my hand. “That’s just how we are. We get on each other’s nerves as much as we love each other. It’s our thing. Just like how you drive me up the wall and I give you premature gray hairs.” I cracked a smile which he returned.

“So, does that mean you forgive me?”

I shrugged. “Yeahhhh, I guesss,” I dragged out, feeling a smile tug at the corners of my mouth. He grinned in return. “Now, shouldn’t you go back in there?”

“We have a few more minutes and I was going to give Bobbie a call real fast.”

I had to work hard to keep from making a face at him. As soon as he turned to walk down the hall I stuck my tongue out at his back. He couldn’t even go one day without mentioning her. Pathetic.

“Um…are you still mad at me?” Justin asked as he walked out of the room. It was then that I noticed how small the hallway was. His presence alone filled up most of it. I shrugged. “It’s just going to take a bit for me to get used to the idea that guys will look at you, okay?”

I scoffed. “Thanks for that,” I mumbled sarcastically.

“I’m saying you’re pretty.”

“You could’ve just said that,” I said while poking his chest. “It won’t kill you. And you don’t see me getting bent out of shape or possessive when girls look at you. I’m suddenly starting to see the double-standard in this friendship.”

“Okay, I’ll stop, I promise. Just stop being mad at me, please,” he whined.

“Only because you know I can’t stay mad at that face,” I responded.

He grinned. “Good,” he stated simply, swooped down, and kissed me. Like before, it caught me by surprise but this time I found myself smiling into the kiss.  He pulled away and kissed my forehead. I smiled and took his hand.

This simplicity I could get used to.