“Come on, let’s just get started,” I said as I tightened my ponytail and walked out to the center of the dance floor. “Since Fatima couldn’t make it out to help you’re going to be the choreographer, Lollipop,” I addressed Lyric who was stretching on the floor. She nodded and leaned forward while grabbing her shoe, pressing her nose against her knee. “We only have…” I paused to glance at the clock on the wall. “Two hours until they need the space so let’s make the most of it, okay?”

“Are we working on the normal dance routines or are we going to work on the newer ones?” Codie asked as she stretched forward and grabbed at her feet. She lowered her head so her nose was touching her knees.

“Newer ones,” I decided while kneeling to tie my laces up tighter.

“The other dances should be muscle memory by now,” Sevvie added from the couch she was sitting on. Elegant and poised as always, her leg was crossed over the other and her back was perfectly straight. I wish I had her posture. “Working on the newer ones would prepare her for Canada.”

“Okay, newer ones it is,” Lyric said with a clap of her hands. “We’ll start out with the dance songs and leave…twenty minutes to brush up on your vocals?”

“Sounds good to me,” I replied while pulling my leg back to stretch properly. “Gabe, you work the sound system if you don’t mind. Sevvie, please watch our foot placements and such. Lyric can only see so much.”

“Got it,” she said with a thumbs-up.

“Whenever you’re ready,” I called to Gabe who was standing with his finger on the play button of sound system in the corner. He waited for Lyric and Codie to take their places on either side of me and he pushed the button.

I did my best to push out all of the negative thoughts that had been bouncing around in my mind since JC’s little confession and tried to bring forward the dance steps that I was taught. It was hard. Really hard. I couldn’t give it my full attention. I was pissed. How could someone interfere in my life like that? Someone I trusted, even liked…a lot.

I let out a quiet sigh that was swallowed up by the booming music. But maybe that was the whole problem. Liking JC, I mean. To him I’m probably just some little kid. The same kid that ran around the MMC set whenever I visited and tried to get his attention with ploy after ploy after ploy. The one that didn’t listen to anyone and still did whatever she wanted.

Just…a kid.

And that pissed me off more than what he did. The fact that he tried to control and run my life. I can do that by myself but no, he thinks he knows every fucking thing that there is to know about my life. Like my relationship with Justin. He had to be the ringleader when it came to telling Justin that our friendship was “toxic” or whatever word he liked to use frequently. It’s not! He just doesn’t get it and he never will so long as he keeps seeing our relationship from the outside.

“Mack, stop!”

“What?” I had begun my turn only to step right into Lyric’s path of motion. We collided and fell to the ground in a heap. I let out a little groan and rubbed at my arm where I fell and hit my funny bone. “Sorry,” I sighed. “I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Obviously,” Codie panted, putting her hands on her hips. “What’s up?”

“I’ll give you three guesses but you’re only going to need one,” Lyric replied from where she was lying down on the shiny wooden floor. I rolled my eyes. I was not that much of an open book. “Look, by no means do you have to listen to me, but I think you just need to stay away from them.”

“Who’s ‘them’?” I asked with finger quotes.

“*NSYNC.”

I scoffed. “Lyr, they’re my bosses. And my friends. Well, four-fifths of them are at this moment.”

Lyric rolled onto her stomach. “And you’re always caught up in some sort of drama with them. With Justin, that’s just a huge thing by itself. With JC it’s him treating you like a child. With Joey it’s…it’s joey being Joey. With Lance…well, I don’t think you have a problem with him. And with Chris it’s him playing tricks on you all the time. You had less drama around the Backstreet Boys, the most you had was trying to—“

“Please don’t bring them up right now,” I responded while holding up my hand to stop her. Even thinking about Nick made me mad and sad and confused, of which are not good emotions for a girl to feel all at once. Trust me. We become ticking time bombs ready to unload on the next unsuspecting coward of a victim. “What’s your point?”

“Her point is you should focus on yourself right now, and not boys,” Sevvie responded from the couch. “Not that we’re calling you boy crazy, the fact of the matter is a majority of your friends are boys. But they also bring drama and stress into your life that you don’t need unless you want to run yourself into the ground. And you really don’t need more stress than is already placed on your shoulders.”

I sucked in a deep breath and then let it out slowly. “I appreciate your concern but I can handle this.”

“Mack, you almost took Lyric out. You’re never distracted until now,” Gabe pointed out.

“Well how focused would you be if you found out someone was trying to sabotage your friendship with someone?” I demanded while I began stretching my arms. Gabe stayed silent. “Exactly. Look, we don’t have a lot of time. We’re wasting whatever’s left just talking about this. Let’s get to it. Lyric, I’m sorry I almost took your head off.”

Lyric waved her hand in a dismissive way. “S’no problem, I have too hard of a head for it to be knocked off,” she replied while rapping her knuckles against her head.

Codie scoffed. “Aint that the truth,” she muttered.

“Focus! Please?” I asked while clapping my hands together. I ignored Codie’s comment about me being tyrant and got back into place for the start of the song. I’d be lying if I said the longer we practiced the better we got, or I got really. I tried so hard to focus but my mind was going in a billion different directions that we eventually gave up when, during one of my pirouettes I whacked Codie hard in the knee.

My vocal training with Gabe weren’t that much better either. Eventually he got tired of me not paying attention and began to yell at me which only made me yell back. Couldn’t he see that I had too much on my mind and being yelled at isn’t the best solution on the planet? I knew he was trying to get through to me, to remind me of what I was working so hard towards, but that wasn’t the best way to handle it. Nonetheless I did my best to work through the time and we ended on a decent note. It could’ve been better, scores better, but it wasn’t horrible.

Liam had come in somewhere during the end of my practice and I could almost see the comments that he wanted to deliver floating around on his mind. Thankfully he kept quiet and nodded every now and then as he listened closely.

“Good practice?” He asked as we moved around the room to gather our things. I rolled my neck and gave him a look. He knew how the practice went, why was he even asking?

“Do you have news or…?” I asked as I reached into my bag for a towel and began dabbing at the sweat on my neck. I could already feel the beginning prickles of a sweat induced itch.

“I do,” Liam replied while turning his attention to his palmpilot. “You already know that you have a few shows and radio interviews lined up for when you go to Canada with the boys.” I nodded. “Time has opened up before their show tonight and they need to fill it somehow. Johnny asked if you could do it and I said yes so you’re performing tonight.”

“Liam…” I said as slowly and sweetly as possible. He had to be joking, he just had to. “Please tell me you didn’t just say that you just now booked me to do a little show opening for *NSYNC and I have only an hour and a half to prepare.”

His eyes flickered from the screen to my face and back to the screen as he lifted the little stick that went with it. “Well, I would, but I’d be lying,” he mumbled.

My mouth fell open. “Liam!” I cried out in shock.

He ignored me and kept going. “And, when you get to Canada, a dance school in the area is having a recital they want your help with, maybe even perform with.”

“Liam!”

“What?”

“That’s in two days!” I held up two of my fingers and wiggled them in his face for emphasis. “Are you now telling me that I have two days to make a routine, teach it to people, block it, dress rehearsal, and make and fit costumes? Two days?” I demanded while throwing my arms into the air. “What happened to you backing off and letting me be able to breathe?”

“Mack, this is a great opportunity for you!” Liam tried to reason with me while putting a hand on your shoulder. “You want to be known for your contribution in the dance world, correct?” I nodded, begrudgingly. “And when times like these come up you can’t just wave it away, you have to do something with it if you want your name out there. I wouldn’t have agreed to it if I didn’t think that you couldn’t do it. You do well under pressure, don’t you?”

“Not this much pressure,” I grumbled under my breath. But I knew Liam was right. I wasn’t going to admit it out loud but he was right. I let out a loud sigh. “Okay, okay,” I sighed. “I’ve done well in a pinch before; surely I can do it now, right?”

“Are you sure about this, Charlie?” Gabe asked from where he was sitting behind the piano in the corner of the room. His blonde eyebrows were raised in a way that I could tell he was voicing my own thoughts. “It could be too much pressure and, well, as of late you don’t exactly handle pressure that well.”

“No, no, I’ll be fine,” I said with a little nod of my head to convince not only them but myself as well. I can do this. “I’ll be fine. I’ll just…take everything one step at a time. Can’t be too hard.”

I hope they bought my smile for I wasn’t buying it at all.

“Uggggggh,” I groaned and took another turn, starting back in the opposite direction I had walked in. The show was only a few mere minutes away and the closer it had gotten to it the more nerves began to bounce around in my stomach. But that’s good, right? Being nervous means that you still care about what you do and if you aren’t nervous, well, you should give up. I shook my hands out to try and release some of my excess energy and turned around to pace in the opposite direction.

The show was indoors, thankfully so I had a room to pace in. if the show was outside I think I would’ve been a worse wreck to hear the screaming kids who were waiting to see their idols, and for some (the delusional ones) their future husbands.

“Relax, you’re going to do great like you always do,” Sevvie said as she walked over to me, moving as if she were on a permanent runway like always. She smiled down at me and moved some hair out of my face and used the edge of her thumb to wipe away some makeup. Then she took my shoulders and lightly shook them. “Don’t worry about anything but the music and the words and how you’re feeling and what you’re trying to put out in the atmosphere. We have your back. If you go down, we go down.”

“Thanks for that,” I said with a little laugh as she let go of my shoulders. “No pressure or anything. Nope, nope, nope. No pressure is put on me, not before my first official US show. Is it hot in here or is it just me? Is it a little stuffy? I feel my throat tightening,” I rambled while pulling at the collar of my “costume”. It wasn’t much, just some dark boots, short jeans, a bright tank top, and an off the shoulder shirt. I didn’t have a lot of time from when Liam sprung the news on me to show time to think of something to wear. That’s one thing he needs to learn, as a girl I need my primping time.

“Stop,” Gabe said firmly from where he was sitting on the couch, his fingers tapping a random beat on his knee. “Take a deep breath.” I did as I was told. “Now let it out slowly.” I let it out. “Now, keep doing that. Now’s not the time for you to panic. It’s one small show, you’re not performing for the Queen of England.”

I let out a breath in one loud woosh. “Oh, that’d be so cool though,” I noted.

“Is every decent?” Joey announced his presence while walking into the dressing room with a large hand covers his eyes. A smile peeked out from underneath his nose as he walked further into the room.

“Gabe wouldn’t be in here if we weren’t,” I pointed out as the others filed into the room behind Joey. I could feel the awkwardness in the air thicken as soon as JC came into the room and everyone stopped talking at once. I turned away from them and lifted my foot onto the side of the couch to untie and retie my boot. And I did it again and again until, finally, Lance decided to speak up.

“Um, we’re sorry this was sprung on you in the last minute but we wanted to stop by and wish you luck and a good show,” he said while pulling a bouquet of roses from behind his back and held it out to me.

I accepted them with a smile. “White, how’d you know I preferred these?” I asked and brought them up to my nose to take a whiff.

“It was all my idea,” Justin said while thumping his chest with his palm. “Don’t listen to these clowns.”

“Was it also your idea to forget to take off the thorns?” I asked with a lift of my eyebrow.

“Like I said, it was a joint effort.”

“Sure.” I rolled my eyes and set them down on the counter in front of the large vanity mirror. “You guys are sweet.” Except for JC who’s comparable to a rotten egg.

“So, how’re you feeling?” Chris asked as he pulled a rose out of the bouquet. I watched with a quirked eyebrow as he repeatedly began to poke his finger against one of the thorns.

“Like I swallowed flies and now they’re leading an organize revolt in my stomach,” I replied.

“I got the Pepto!” Lyric announced from a corner of the room while waving the pink bottle in the air as if it were a trophy.

“Thanks Lyric,” I sighed while moving my hair out of my face. “You guys should get going. You need to warm up and stuff as well,” I said while shaking my hands in their direction to shoo them off.

“I think…I think JC wanted to talk to you,” Lance said quietly by my side.

I scoffed and glared in his direction. “He can talk until his face turns blue for all I care. I don’t want to hear what he has to say.”

“Mack, c’mon. We’re going to be stuck with each other for a few days might as well clear the air, get the elephant out of the room and enjoy out time together.”

“Oh, I’ll enjoy it if he doesn’t talk to me.”

“You can stop talking like I’m not here,” JC commented from where he was standing. I could hear annoyance in his voice clear as day. I humped. He had no right to be annoyed; he was the one who interfered with my friendships. He deserves this if you ask me.

“Too bad, I’m having a fun time ignoring you,” I responded. Yes, I know, answering him didn’t really go along with my plan but…I’m mad, okay? My brain doesn’t work well when I’m mad.

“Stop being so childish.”

I gave an incredulous laugh. “I’m sorry; did you just accuse me of being a child?”

JC shrugged. “You heard me perfectly well,” he replied evenly.

I curled my fingers into fists. I really wanted to punch him right now. “Who’s the one who went behind their friends’ backs, pretending to be each other, only to get things to go their way? Please remind me who the childish one here is.”

“It’s still you because you won’t let me explain.”

“And that’s all I’m ever going to be to you, isn’t it?” I demanded, keeping my eyes locked on him. I could faintly sense some of the others moving as if to get out of our line of fire. “I’m only going to be a kid to you, aren’t I? To you I’m still eleven, not sixteen. Newsflash, Joshua, I can make my own decisions and make my own friends and deal with them how I please. I don’t need you holding my hand the entire way.”

“At least give me the respect I deserve and hear me out instead of freezing me out,” JC said, his voice tight. Ooh, I’ve seen that look one too many times to know that I was working on her nerves. The muscle in his clenched jaw began to pulse and his eyes were steely.

I laughed harshly. “You lost my respect when you pulled this stunt,” I hissed. “If you’ll excuse me I have a show to do.”

Once I got into the hallway I ran my hand against the smooth wall. The slight bumps and ridges tickled my palm, just what I needed to stop myself from sending my fist through the plaster. I closed my eyes and sucked in a breath and let it out really slowly. Maybe this was a bad idea. I would rather spend time with the Backstreet Boys and deal with the awkwardness around Nick than have to spend the next ten days with JC. But I can’t back out now, Liam would have my head and I’d disappoint so many people.

“Hey.” I let out a little scream and felt my body jerk in response to a hand on my shoulder. I dropped my hand from the wall and brought it up to my chest to feel my heart beating hard against my ribcage. “Are you alright?” Justin asked.

I let out a sigh that sounded like a laugh. “I want to squeeze JC’s face until it pops like a pimple, otherwise ‘okay’ isn’t the right word to use,” I replied. “I don’t get how you’re so calm about this.”

He shrugged. “I’m a guy.”

I rolled my eyes. “Thanks for reminding me, J.”

He cracked a smile. “What I mean is…I have to work with him. It’s best to bury the hatchet and get everything out of the way so we can be one cohesive group and so sides aren’t taken. “ He shrugged. “I tried not to let it get to me. I mean…yeah, he’s not exactly my favorite person right now but…deep down I knew if we were to ever stop being friends we could talk it out. You wouldn’t write an email about it, that’s not you. I knew something was off about it.”

“So it doesn’t bother you at all that everyone thinks we shouldn’t be friends?” I asked. I tilted my head back to look up at the light. I couldn’t look at him. I hated having to have this conversation but, at the same time, it was needed.

He ran his fingers through his hair, taking in a breath of air so his chest puffed up and then he let it out slowly. “Nah, I’d be lying. It does bother me but I try so hard not to let it get to me because you’re important to me and they know that and it’s just their opinions. They didn’t grow up with us; they don’t understand how we work. I get it, though, what they’re saying sometimes. I get it. But I don’t want to let outside forces ruin something that we’re fine with.” He placed his hands on my shoulders and gave them a little squeeze. “And you shouldn’t let it get to you either. Especially now. Lock it away and rock out. Leave the baggage offstage. We can sort it out later.”

I licked my lips and nodded. “Yeah, okay,” I muttered and let out another loud sigh, shaking my arms to get rid of some nervous energy. I then reached out to him and he instantly pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck, my fingers brushing against my elbows. I tucked my head into the crook of his neck and took in his fresh scent, smiling as I felt him squeeze me back. I could faintly hear and feel his heart beating hard in his chest.

That’s weird.

His heart was beating so hard and fast, almost as if he were nervous or something. As if I made him nervous. But that couldn’t be it. It just couldn’t. I didn’t even have a chance to ask him about it when I was grabbed my Lyric and dragged down the hall to get to the stage. So took a deep breath, pushed everything out of my mind and focused on giving a good performance.

I’d worry about JC and Justin later.

“Are you going to talk to C?” Justin asked.

I chewed my pizza slice and shook my head. As singers we weren’t supposed to have pizza because dairy coats our throat or something but we indulge every now and then and I sure as hell was going to indulge on my first night back with Justin. The Dynamic Duo, together again!

The shows went well, a few mistakes were made here and there but that was expected. We’re not perfect after all. I avoided JC as much as possible. I wasn’t as angry with him as I was before, I was seeing red before, but I was still pissed. Seriously, how could someone that I trusted do that to me? Do we mean that little to him? I’ve tried looking at things from his side but it just doesn’t work. I wouldn’t do something like this to him. Ever. I did, however, agree to try and be civil with him. Try being the key word.

Instead of getting straight on a Red Eye flight and going to Canada we decided to get rooms in the hotel and stay here for the night and then go off to Canada. Best decision we’ve ever made, it’s been so long since I’ve slept on a normal bed, I didn’t even mind that it was a hotel bed of all places. Justin and I ended up sharing a room so Joey and Lance could room together, Chris roomed with Gabe, the girls with each other, and JC got one to himself. Good, now he can sit in a corner and think about what he did.

“Mack, c’mon,” Justin sighed. “Hear him out. He only had good intentions.”

“I don’t care if he had a gun held to his head, what he did was low,” I replied as I set my empty plate on the bedside table nearest me.

“You know how JC is,” Justin huffed impatiently. “He’s only looking out for us. Yeah…it was a little messed up but I think he was trying to get a point across.”

“What point is that?” I demanded.

“That we rely on each other too much,” he replied. Ah. I should’ve known, I’ve only heard it so many times. “And…I kind of agree with him. I do rely on you too much, it’s not fair on you and I’m sorry.”

I shook my head and pulled my hair back over my shoulders. “I don’t think of it that way, though,” I replied. “I mean…yeah, sometimes I can be a pushover when it comes to you but…I like doing those things for you, I like being there for you. I don’t feel as if it’s…taking advantage as most of them say. I know its different interpretation and everything it’s more of…I like feeling needed, y’know? I mean…I need you in my life, J. I can’t cut you out.”

“That’s now that they’re saying, he’s saying,” Justin replied. “You know we can’t be together forever.”

I nodded. “I know that,” I agreed. “But what’s so wrong with wanting to cram as much time together in now? While we’re doing this together? Before I go off to a different country and our schedules start to differ and then the only time we’ll see each other is—thinking objectively here—award shows?” I sighed. “It scares me…thinking of the day that, suddenly, we’re not close anymore.”

“I…I think JC’s just preparing us for that,” Justin said after swallowing thickly. “Where our lives go separate ways, where you get married and have your house surrounded by a white picket fence and your 2.5 children running around and—“

“How could I have half a child?” I interrupted him.

Justin shrugged. “Its statistics, blame the science guys for reducing your average amount of children.” I chuckled a little. “Anyway, my point is…JC, I think, is just trying to help us…rip off the bandage as soon as possible, to realize that we can’t live in this fantasy world much longer and that we’d have to accept reality.”

I let out a loud and long groan. “Uggggh, please don’t get me to realize that JC is actually right and please don’t make me have to accept it,” I whined. “I’d much rather stay angry with him. I mean, come on, it was just so underhanded.”

“It was, I agree,” Justin said as he took my hands. “But if I can hear him out you can too. It’s not the end of the world. And he’s trying so hard.”

It wasn’t like I could miss that. Usually if we were at odds he’d wait for me to cool down and then we’d talk it out and be over it in minutes. This time he practically followed me around all day to try and make things right. He’s never tried that hard so it was safe to say I noticed, and, fleetingly, looked too far into it, I’ll admit.

I gave a little shake of my head. I had to get over him, this was so pathetic. Hanging onto a crush I’ve had for years which was never going to be requited, no matter how much I wished for it to be. That was it, really, the only reason I was angry, I’ll admit. Because him doing this ruined the image of him I’ve had stored in my mind since I was eleven. But maybe now it was finally time to let go and move on…

“Okay,” I groaned in defeat while sticking out my lower lip. “I’ll talk to him later.”

He lightly flicked my lip. “Stick that lip back in, missy,” Justin ordered.

I stuck my lip out further. “Make me!” I replied.

He didn’t respond for, in the next second, he held my face between his hands and his lips touched mine. I couldn't say who leaned into whom, closing the distance – all I knew was that Justin's lips were pressed so softly against my own. I held back the whimper of satisfaction that wanted to escape my throat. His kiss was firm yet gentle; so strange yet so natural; so new yet so familiar.

After a few seconds he pressed a little harder. My heart thumped against my chest and I could feel my cheeks growing warm under Justin’s hands. He pulled away and I sucked in my breath, pressing my lips together. I probably looked like a puffer fish, bulging eyes included. He gave a soft laugh, “You could participate just a little bit, you know.”

“Sorry,” I squeaked. I closed my eyes briefly at how childish I sounded. How else was I supposed to react when my best friend, out of the blue, kisses me? I didn’t even think something like this would happen, ever. I don’t have feelings for him at all. At least…I don’t think I do. But what about Nick? And JC? Despite what those two did…they still hold special places in my heart that I couldn’t lodge them out of no matter how hard I tried…

Maybe this was what I needed. A good distraction. Some fun, even. No commitment, no strings, nothing.

He smiled. “It’s alright,” he whispered and kissed me again.

I should’ve stopped him, I know that, but I let my eyes close and breathed out through my nose, kissing him back. I couldn’t help it! Something about him was pulling me in. His head tilted slightly causing our lips to fit better. A perfect fit. I could vaguely feel his hands moving from my cheeks and down to my waist as he pulled me closer to him but my mind was paying too much attention to how good of a kisser he is.

I lifted my hands from my lap and lightly hung them off of Justin’s neck as our mouths moved together, a little awkwardly but after a couple of seconds the awkwardness went away and I was practically sitting in his lap. I tightened my grip around his neck and felt his hands go around my lower back. I sucked in a breath through my nose, taking in his cologne. It was sweet yet still manly. Tommy Hilfiger? Or maybe Calvin Klein.

“Whoa,” I breathed as soon as he pulled away, my stomach turning. How cliché but that was the only thing that came to my mind. I could hear my heart beating rapidly in my ears. Or was that his beating through his chest? Who knows, we’re close enough.

“Is that a good or a bad whoa?” Justin asked, leaning forward so his forehead rested on mine.

“It’s um…” My mind was too fuzzy to form a sentence. This was too weird. This was Justin. My Juppy. My best friend since day one. Now, here we are, practically making out in a hotel room in New York. How things have changed… “I…do you like me?” I managed to ask. It was such a simple question but, at the same time, it wasn’t.

He shrugged. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I…I wanted to see…” He licked his lips. He wasn’t saying much but I knew what he was trying to say.

The butterflies continued flapping around in my stomach. “Yeah, me too,” I whispered. “So…what does this mean? Is there anything different between us?”

“I don’t want to screw up our friendship.”

“Who says this’ll screw it up?”

He rolled his shoulders back. Ignoring my question he asked, “What about Nick?”

I sighed. “I like him a lot but I made it clear to him that I don’t want to be toyed with and that he knows my number if he wants to contact me if/when he figures things out with his ex.”

“So you two are at a standstill then?”

“Guess so.”

“Oh.” I let out a small laugh through my nose at his simple response. “Can I kiss you again?” He blurted out.

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. “Are we friends with benefits now?”

“Just as long as you still consider me your friend…” Justin mumbled as he leaned closer, gently brushing his nose against mine, “I don’t care what we are,” he finished before kissing me again. I wanted to ask a million questions but I kept them in my head, not wanting to ruin this moment. I’d have fun now and deal with the repercussions later.

Easy enough.