“C’mon Mackenzie, focus, you know this,” the tutor said in what I think was supposed to be an encouraging voice but it only got on my nerves even more.

I was already in a bad mood as soon as I got back to the photo shoot because of the way everyone was looking at me. I’ll bet Aunt Abbey called them ahead of time while I was getting my medication. Then, to make matters worse, I had to take time out of the shoot to do homework because of the blasted tutor Liam hired for Nick and I. And, to put the cherry on top of everything, Nick was flying through the problems while I was still stuck on question three.

“What started World War II?” The tutor asked.

I sighed and rested my chin in my hands and shrugged. “Hitler?” I replied.

The tutor gave a half smile. “Well, you’re kind of right. But what specifically started it?”

“The invasion of Poland?” I guessed again.

“It’s a little bit bigger than that,” the tutor sighed.

I wanted to rip the tutor’s lips off. Like this wasn’t hard enough for me already. I didn’t need her fucking pity. I felt a light nudge on my side and tilted my head slight to look at Nick. His head was tilting towards the paper but his eyes shifted back and forth from me to where his pen was resting. This is the answer, he mouthed, jabbing his pen at the paper. I leaned over a little bit and managed to make out a few of the words.

“Ms. Charlotte?” The tutor asked. Uh oh, she was getting impatient.

“Um…the Treaty of Versailles?” I asked slowly.

“No, it’s…” the tutor sighed but then she stopped in mid-sentence. “Did you say Treaty of Versailles?” She asked.

“Yes,” I replied, backing away from the table a little.

“That’s right!” The tutor said happily, as if she were talking to a baby.

Okay, tutoring is over for me. I did my best to finish the worksheet that I was given to name dates and important people and other boring shit like that. It was going to be graded and History was the only class that I was in danger of failing.

“Thanks for savin’ my ass,” I said as soon as the tutor was out of earshot.

Nick smiled. One of those smiles that make me feel giddy from my head down to my toes. “No problem. No offense, but I would’ve gone crazy if we were stuck here much longer.” Then he reached out and flicked me on the nose. I swatted at his hand but he pulled it away, laughing.

“So History’s not my best subject. Sue me,” I said and roll my eyes. Just then Liam came in and said we had to get back to work. I let out a long sigh. Back to the daily grind. Don’t get me wrong, photo shoots are fun if they have a good idea behind it, otherwise it gets old pretty fast.

“What do you want to wear?” The stylist asked as she pushed through a rack of leather and denim. The shoot was revolving around AJ’s taste in clothes, which I was happy for. He could have good taste if he tried.

“I like plaid a lot so I want to wear something plaid.” I replied as I scanned the clothing items. “Ooh! I got an idea. How about this dark blue plaid with that black tank top, those jean shorts, and then those black ankle boots?” I suggested, pulling off each item off the rack as I named them.

Ha. Who said I didn’t have style?

I loved the way the clothes looked on me. Lately I was starting to rely on any pair of shorts I could get my hands on, whether they be Bermuda shorts or short shorts. They were my go-to item of clothing whenever I went on stage as well. It got hot up there really fast and it was easier to move around in ‘em.

AJ let out a whistle as I walked onto the set of the photoshoot and I rolled my eyes. “Might want to try some other flattery tactic,” I said while tweaking his nose and looking at the brick-like background. “Are we supposed to look like thugs or something?”

“I think you’re trying to show your ‘tough’ side,” AJ replied. “But that’s hard to believe with that cute face,” he added with a wink.

I let out a little laugh. “Better.” I jumped when a fluffy pad was shoved onto my face. Those makeup people don’t mess around.

“So, how’re you doing?” He asked.

I lifted my eyebrow because I couldn’t open my eyes, unless I wanted an eyeful of powder in my face. “I’m…fine?” I replied. It came out more as a question through. He never really seemed interested in what I was doing, unless he was trying to play a trick on me. Again. Ever since I mentioned that I’ve never fallen for a prank AJ, Brian, and Nick seemed to make it their mission that I try and fall for at least one while on the tour. It was ridiculous how hard they were trying. “Why?”

“Because I noticed that we’ve been on this tour—what, a week now?—and we haven’t even properly welcome you to the tour,” he replied. I blinked rapidly as soon as the puffball was pulled away from my face and looked at him. It was hard to tell if he was being serious or not, especially with his sunglasses on. All I could see was the reflection of my eyes that held suspicion. “So, we want to take you to a club tonight.”

Red light! Red. Fucking. Light. I made a face at the memory of what happened the last time I went to a nightclub in Sweden. I could feel my cheeks turning red from the thought alone so I tried to think of something else. My dogs, yes, that’d work. But then a scary thought popped into my head and made a chill run down my spine. What if Bobbie knew about what happened? Then I shook my head. I was freaking out over nothing. Innocent until proven guilty.

“Thanks but no thanks, I don’t do clubs,” I replied. Ha, that was an understatement of the century. I avoided them like a sticky-fingered, pink-eyed six-year-old.

“Why? They’re harmless,” he commented as the people behind the camera got into their positions.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “If you call harmless rubbing your crotch on a stranger’s ass, then yes, it’s harmless,” I said candidly. “I just don’t see what you gain from it. Besides guys getting boners.”

“Now see, you need to change that attitude if you’re even going to think about getting a guy.”

I scoffed. “Who said anything about me getting a guy? I’m on tour to work, remember?”

“All work and no play makes you a dull girl,” AJ teased while tapping my nose.

“Don’t make me bite you,” I threatened.

He smirked. “What if that’s what I want?”

“Okay, freak.”

He shrugged. I could practically see the words rolling off of his body. “I’ve been called worse. But you’ve been locked up in your room or on your bus after every show and you don’t do anything fun.”

“My idea of fun is different than yours,” I pointed out, pinching a mascara clump.

“But you like to dance,” he stated.

“I love to dance, for one thing, but that doesn’t mean I like to do it all the time,” I corrected him after taking a shot and moved slightly to take another pose. “It’d be like a guy taking me out on a date—and what do we do?—we go dancing. It’s not original, it’s like…kissing up to me just ‘cause it’s my job. Thanks, but no thanks AJ. I’ll find something else to do. I won’t stop you from going but I don’t want to go. Okay?”

“Okay, okay,” he said as he held up his hands. “We’re just trying to be nice and all.”

I laughed. “Since I’ve been here you all have spoiled the hell out of me, basically wait on me hand and foot, and include me in almost everything you do. I think you’re being nice enough. I’m surprised you all aren’t sick of me yet.”

“Speaking of sick,” AJ said, dropping his voice and grinning as if he had a juicy secret. “Ever wonder why Mandy’s not here breathing down our necks?” He asked. I lifted my eyebrows at his words. I always thought there was some unspoken rule between them that they respected each other’s girlfriends.

“Yeah, Nick seems happier than usual,” I noted.

“Well, it’s cause she came down with the flu,” AJ replied gleefully. “So that’s roughly three days with her out of our hair. And look, even Nicky’s livelier than usual.”

“Why are they dating again?” I asked. “I’m sorry, I mean ‘dating’,” I said with finger quotes. According to him they weren’t dating but according to Mandy—and all of the times she glared at me—they were. “I mean, she doesn’t even seen like his type. She’s too—“

“Loud? Annoying? Pushy? Bossy? Narcissistic? An all around bitch? Take your pick, whatever you think of it defines her,” he said dryly. “It’s because they both live in Ruskin and had a lot of classes together when they were younger. He’s slowly starting to realize what a pain she is and that she’s only taking him down. The worst part, she’s trying to get a record deal.”

I almost choked on my own spit. What? What? She, of all people in this whole damn freakin’ world wanted to get a record deal? I couldn’t even stand to listen to her talk but sing? God must be playing a horrible joke on me. “….seriously?” I finally asked.

He nodded. “Seriously. I guess she feels the only to keep an eye on Nick is to do the same thing he’s doing. It’s ridiculous.”

“I would’ve used a stronger word, but my sentiments exactly,” I agreed, shaking my head. It was impossible for me to wrap my head around it. “So…basically…she’s going to be following Nick around the rest of this tour…under the guise of wanting to know the ins and outs of the recording industry…so I’ll have to deal with her hating on me for no reason for roughly two more months?” I asked. “Does the world hate me? What did I do? Really, I want to know.”

“What’re you blabbering about?” AJ asked.

“It seems the girlfriends of my friends always end up hating me. First, there’s that Fiona chick you dated whom I’ve never met in my life—“ AJ made a strange noise at the mention of Fiona’s name “—then it’s Bobbie, and now Mandy. Am I, all sixteen years of me, that much of a threat to them? Like, really? I’m 5’2”, I weight about a hundred pounds. I can’t be that intimidating!” I cried out, throwing my arms into the air.

The bright flash from the camera almost blinded me. I dropped my arms and rubbed my eyes. “Okay, that’s all we need. Thank you,” the photographer said in a heavy accent.

“Something tells me we just botched that photo shoot,” AJ said dryly. I smiled.

“’Tima, you’re going to kill me before the show even starts,” I sighed as I sat down on the edge of the stage. My chest was heaving from the workout I just went through with Lyric and Codie. Sweat dripped off of my nose as I leaned forward to try and catch my breath. It felt like my heart was about to explode from how fast it was moving. Now I know why the guys complain so much when I make them work out. “I think I’m going to die.”

“You’re being overdramatic,” Fatima said with a laugh. She held up her hands while walking over to me, her braided hair swinging behind her. I slowly lifted my arms—which felt like noodles—and slapped her simultaneous high fives. “You did really well today. Like you have a hidden energy source or something.”

I chuckled a little. “Just having a good day.” You can only call it a good day with Mandy being sick, just hearing that turned my whole day around. I know I may sound like a bitch for liking that someone else is sick but if you had to go through a day like I had and then deal with her rude self, you’d be in my position too.

“Try having a good day every day,” Fatima replied while pushing some of her long braids off of her shoulder and grasping my knees. “You’re improving so quickly. You remind me of me when I was younger.”

“So you were a dictator when you were younger?” I joked.

She lightly smacked my arm. “I’m not that bad!”

“Ah, now I know where I get it from,” I said as I stuck my finger in the air.

“Yeah, whatever.” Her smile faded a bit. “So I heard, about your monophobia thing.”

Who hasn’t? I thought bitterly. Being on tour is like being in a small school, word gets around ridiculously fast. I said as I tugged on my scrunchie and let my hair fall from its ponytail. I made a face when my hair—wet with sweat—hit my back.

“How’re you holding up?”

I shrugged. “About as good as I can get, I guess. It’s not all that shocking really. I’ve been in and out of therapists for years. It’s about time they finally figure out what’s wrong with this head,” I said while pressing a finger to my temple. I dropped my hand and gave a little shrug. I didn’t even know how to properly feel about it. I’m sure my parents are worried but, unfortunately, they can’t do much where they are. “I’m fine, really. It’s just going to take some management and getting used to.”

I almost snorted at what I said. How could she even believe that? I was having a hard time going day by day and resisting the strong urge to cut. It’s gotten worse since the day Justin and I decided to put our friendship on hold. I found myself lying awake at night trying to figure out why he gave up on me so easily and that lone would make the urge stronger. I did everything I could to make the urge go away, watch TV, listen to music, write music, and snapping a rubber band on my arm. Eventually sleep won but then I woke up the next morning like a zombie.

I was getting so good at lying that it was starting to scare me.

What made it worse was that everyone believed me.

“Thank you Gothenburg! We’ll see you next time. We have Aaron Carter up next and the Backstreet Boys after him so you better have your dancing shoes on. Good night!”

I grasped Lyric’s and Gabe’s hands before bringing them up, over my head and bowed with them. The sound of applause and cheers were loud. If I didn’t have my ear monitors in I’d probably lose part of my hearing for the night. As always adrenaline continued to pump through my veins as I followed them off stage straight to the towel that Abbey held out to me.

“Sweden’s supposed to be cold. I feel like a pig over an open fire,” I muttered as I wiped sweat off of my forehead with the towel and pulled my shirt away from my slick skin.

“A pig wouldn’t be standing there, he’d be running,” Gabe commented as he took a towel from my aunt and rubbed it over his blond hair. As soon as he pulled it away his hair stuck up in every direction.

“Why’s it have to be a boy pig?” Sevvie questioned and then gulped a bottle of water while some stage hands directed us back to the dressing rooms.

“Yeah, why can’t it be a girl?” Codie agreed. “We have equal rights, you know.”

“Fine then, it’s a girl pig,” Gabe shrugged.

“But wait. That means we’re being eaten,” Lyric summed up.

“Nothing gets by you, Lyrabelle,” Gabe teased, ruffling her sweaty hair.

“Hey, Gabe, stop instigating. I’d love to have my band stay in one piece,” I said as I lightly shoved his arm and then hooked arms with my aunt. “Anything I need to know?” I asked her. “Any missed call or something of the like?”

“No, but Liam says that Johnny wants to meet with you tomorrow,” Aunt Abbey replied, giving my shoulder a little squeeze. Wait, what? I wrinkled my nose. “He didn’t say what about,” she continued when she saw the look on my face. “But I’m sure it’s nothing but good news.”

“Cross your fingers,” I sighed. I looked up and smiled when I noticed the Carter family was headed in our direction, as well as the two backup dancers that Aaron had.

“Are you going to see my show?” Aaron asked excitedly as he bounced up and down. He reminded me of a blond haired pogo-stick.

“Of course, don’t I always?” I asked with a little laugh, reaching out to ruffle his hair. Oh, how I loved the little kid. “I won’t miss it, I promise. I’m just going to take a shower first.”

“Alright, we’ll save you a spot,” Jane said with a tight lipped smile. Did it get cold in here?

“Okay then,” I replied, blinking. “Did I do something to her?” I asked Nick.

He sighed and shook his head. “No, she’s kind of…wary around the girls I like to hang out with,” he replied slowly.

“Yeah but she seems to dislike me specifically and I’ve been nothing but a ray of sunshine,” I replied. Okay, I was exaggerating a bit, but it was true, I haven’t done anything to her.

“She’s get over it,” he replied. “Anyway, I heard you’re not going to the club with everyone.”

“Yeah, it’s not really my thing,” I replied, rubbing the back of my neck.

“I don’t really like them either. So maybe you wanted to hang out? We can find something to do. It shouldn’t be too hard, in a large place like this.”

I felt my aunt subtly press her index finger into my spine, her silent way of urging me to go with him. My brain couldn’t process what he was asking. Was he asking just to hang out or…? I looked away from him, feeling my heart speed up a bit. I didn’t want to get my hopes up over nothing but…maybe he was actually asking what I thought.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” I replied. I forced the words out slowly so it would mask my excitement but I really just wanted to run down the hall and click my heels together. “I can think of something while you guys do your show so you can shower afterwards and we can head out once we decide on something. Sound good?”

“Sounds good to me.” He gave a brief smile before continuing on his way, chasing after Aaron.

“Tell me your thoughts before I start freaking out,” I instructed Abbey.

“Think you got asked out on your first date, kiddo,” she replied with a wide smile. “So what were you thinking of doing?”

“I don’t know. What’s there to do around here?”

“Tell you what, I’ll look for something while you shower.”

I stood on my tiptoes and kissed her cheek. “Thanks so much, auntie. But please don’t mention this to my band yet! Lyric will bombard me with questions and stuff that I can’t answer and she won’t leave me alone once she knows, okay?”

“Okay, just go!”

I laughed and ran ahead to get to the dressing room. I wanted to look at my e-mails first. I had written a lot of people and I wanted to get a chance to read some of them. I set a stage manager’s cube of a laptop onto my lap and waited for it power up. That shower is so inviting now, I could feel my muscles tightening up now.

Finally it loaded up and I signed into my AOL account. I smiled at the patented “You’ve got mail!” chime that came out of the computer and looked at the messages. Hmmm, Britney, Christina, Heather, Leslie, my parents, Lynn, I named off in my head. Then I frowned. There was one from Justin sitting there. He hasn’t said much, if anything, to me since our falling out. Why would he want to e-mail me now? Sighing, I clicked on his e-mail, which was uncharacteristically titled MESSAGE and waited for it to load. By this time I didn’t think anything could ruin my day but, of course, I was wrong, again. And by the second line in Justin’s e-mail I wasn’t sure anything could change my mood back.

Mack,

It took me a couple of drafts writing this e-mail to make sure I got what I wanted to say out and in the right way that I was sure you’d understand. I can’t deal with this back and forth with you. I can’t be toyed with like a yo-yo any longer. Either you’re angry with me and wans your space or we’re fine and we’re super close.

I’m getting dizzy and I can’t take it anymore. I won’t take it anymore. I don’t know how I’ve lasted these past twelve years together but frankly I’m sick of it and I’m sick of you. I’m done with you. Don’t even bother coming back to us.

You’re dead to me.

Justin

I read it once and, still in shock, again. Three times. The words blurred, I couldn’t focus on them. This isn’t happening! Please tell me this isn’t happening. But it was. Time was still moving. The world was still turning. My proof was the sound of laughter down the hall and the music that was playing from a customized playlist to keep the crowds happy while they waited for the next act.

I was afraid to breathe, that one tiny exhale would make my world shatter. He…he couldn’t just…leave me. But the words on the screen proved that he did. And it kills me. I slowly lowered the lid of the computer, fully aware of how much my hand was shaking. I let out a breath and squeezed my eyes tight to keep the tears in. How did I always end up screwing something up? How? I bit my lip to stop from sobbing. It’s no wonder—

I cut that thought right away. I took in a deep breath and let it out, repeating the process until I wasn’t shaking anymore. Now that shower suddenly sounded really good. No one would be able to hear me crying over the sound of the water.

“Please?” I begged.

“Sorry,” Eric replied, shaking his head. Next to him Todd was trying to keep the stern look in his face. I’ve been working on these two for the past twenty minutes and I was sure I was wearing them down.

“Why not?” I demanded.

“Because we’re your bodyguards for a reason. We have to guard your body,” Todd said slowly.

I stuck my tongue out at him. “Believe it or not I’m aware of what the word means,” I grumbled. “Why can’t I go out with him by myself? With you two there we wouldn’t be able to talk about anything?”

Eric squinted at me. “Is this a date?”

I blinked. “No. Why?”

“Well, you just asked if you could go out with him by yourself.”

I rolled my eyes. Why did boys make things so difficult? “I meant go outside. Past the four walls of this jail cell called a hotel. Without you.” I don’t think I could reiterate that enough.

“Sorry, boss’s orders,” Todd said with a shrug.

I stared at him and then squinted. “You mean JC’s orders?” I questioned, crossing my arms over his chest. They didn’t say anything, but exchanged looks. “The guy’s ruling my life when he’s about a thousand miles away! Great!” I threw my arms into the air. “It’s not even a date! We want to hang out.”

“If it weren’t a date you wouldn’t mind us being around,” Eric pointed out with a smirk. I opened and closed my mouth as I struggled to find something to say while their smirks grew bigger. “So is it—?”

“I don’t know, okay? I don’t know. I just want your permission to go. I already have Aunt Abbey’s. Just give me yours!” I cried out in exasperation. If we weren’t in a hotel room and if I wasn’t worried about disturbing the neighbors I’d be they think someone would be getting murdered in here judging by how bad I want to wring their necks.

“How about this,” Eric said as she stood. “We can drive you two wherever you want to go and we’ll hang back and it’ll be like we aren’t there. We need to do our job, which is protecting you and, by extension, anyone around you. You’ll be happy and we’ll be happy.”

I pouted. “I’m not going to get my way am I?”

Todd chuckled while standing. Then he ruffled my hair. “Do you ever when it involves us?” He questioned. Then he looked me up and down. “Are you going to wear that?” He questioned.

“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” I asked while looking down. A blue and black plaid button-down shirt, black jeans, and dark purple converses looked back up at me. I thought I looked fine.

“We’re in Sweden. Don’t you want to wear something more…layered?” He asked, scratching the back of his neck

“No, I’m fine,” I said in a dismissive tone. I went over to my suitcase and dug around in it until I found my camera. Smiling a bit I ducked my head and let the strap fall around my neck. Dad’ll love the pictures I take. Night shots were his all time favorite. “I have a jacket. I have gloves. I’m from Canada, I know how to prepare for the cold.” I turned and tossed him a hat to cover his bald, shiny head. “Now you, you might want to cover up your head. The head could stimulate hair growth,” I teased.

“Okay, if you get pneumonia again don’t come crying to me,” Todd said as he held up his hands.

“Yeah yeah,” I muttered and then jumped at the sound of knocking on the door. “Don’t even think about it!” I warned Eric who had started to move towards the door. If it was Nick I didn’t want them to say anything that could potentially ruin this date…erm, non-date. Whatever it is. Not getting my hopes up here. No siree! But just as an extra precaution I stopped by the mirror and made sure every single piece of hair was in place. I paused and let out a breath before opening the door. I was getting so worked up over nothing. “Hey Nick,” I greeted him with a smile that always seemed to form on my face at the mere thought of him lately.

“Hey,” he responded with a big smile of his own and stepped into the room. Then he noticed Eric and Todd and waved at them. “Where’s your aunt?” He asked.

I scrunched up my eyebrows. Did he really care about where she was? “Umm, at the hotel’s gym I think,” I replied. “So anyway, I didn’t really decide on something but I was thinking maybe we could go to the botanical garden? If that doesn’t sound too stupid and lame.”

He shrugged. “That’s fine. Whatever you want to do.”

“Cool. Okay, so, Eric and Todd have to come too,” I explained, jerking my thumb in their direction and picking up the black sweatshirt that was lying on my semi-cluttered floor. “Protection and stuff,” I said after I popped my head out of the sweatshirt and tilted my neck so I could move my hair.

He gave a little laugh. “Dimples, it’s fine. I understand perfectly fine. Doing what we do…we kinda lose the right to be normal,” he explained. “This, having bodyguards, is the new normal. It’s better to get used to it than to fight it.”

“Don’t you know me by now?” I asked with a grin while checking my pockets to make sure I had my wallet, phone, and room key. “I have to fight everything,” I smirked.

“No way.”

“It’s the truth.”

“No…way!”

“It’s true!”

“It is so not true. Quit lying,” I ordered, jabbing my spoon in Nick’s direction. I looked down and scooped up another chunk of strawberry in the ice cream that I had ordered. We had gone to the botanical garden so I could take pictures of the flowers and surrounding areas but I could tell Nick was getting bored so we ended up walking around and talking. As soon as his stomach started to talk we found a nearby ice cream parlor and sat down to eat. Tony and Eric were sitting away in a different corner, not too close but not too far away, just in case they needed to interfere if fans got too close, but none bothered us so far.

“I’m not,” Nick laughed. “Nirvana is so much better than Bon Jovi.”

I shook my head. “You can’t even compare them, really. They’re two different genres. That’s like comparing Ozzy Osborne to…Madonna. You just can’t do it.”

“Have you even listened to them?” Nick asked and then took a bite of his ice cream. He swallowed and added, “Nirvana I mean.”

I shook my head and made a face. “It’s not really my favorite style of music. I don’t listen to grunge or whatever it is too much. I’m more of a rock fan, 80s rock mostly ‘cause that’s what my parents always listened to when I wasn’t dancing.”

“Is that why you want to do rock music more than pop?” He asked. I nodded and took another bite. He twisted his mouth to the side. “You’re good at both, though. I mean, you have more energy for the pop songs, ‘cause you have to dance, but you have more passion for the rock ones. It’s like, you’re divide.”

I shrugged and quickly swallowed the ice cream in my mouth and then squeezed my eyes shut. Brain freeze. “Well, both go hand in hand, the way I see it. I’ve been dancing since forever, obviously, so it doesn’t surprise me that Liam’s pushing me towards that because it’s what I know. But I want to do something different. Something that makes me stand out. There are many bands out there with a female front, like Blondie, but I want to be kind of like Joan Jett but not to that extent. Y’know?”

Nick nodded. “I get it; I’m kind of the same way. I’m doing pop but I love grunge and rock and alternative.” He let out a little sigh. “I’m not going to lie, I…I feel trapped, sometimes. I love what I’m doing but…I don’t see myself singing pop forever.”

“Your taste is going to change by then I’ll bet,” I pointed out, wiping my mouth with a napkin. “I don’t think I’m going to like dancing forever. Somewhere down the line I’m going to have to stop before I bust my ankle.”

“Yeah, but it’s gotten you so far and opened many doors for you. Singing, acting…”

I scoffed. “Nick, those things only happened to me because it makes sense. If I dance to those types of songs, why not sing to? And I’m a huge drama queen so acting was only going to come sooner or later.” I sighed and shook my head. “Honestly, I wouldn’t have signed on for those things if my dad wasn’t sick. It wasn’t in my life plan, at first. I just wanted to dance my way around the world and meet new people. I would’ve been happy with that. I would’ve been able to die happy with that. But then my dad…money’s tight with us, especially since mom’s going back to school and I wanted to do something to thank them for taking care of me and giving me basically everything I wanted. Getting the money from this to pay my dad’s hospital bills was a no brainer.”

Nick started at me. Internally, I started to panic. Was something in my teeth? Hanging out my nose? In my hair? What. Was. It? “What?” I finally asked, slightly alarmed.

“Nothing,” he replied. “It’s just…I’ve never heard of anyone be so selfless. It’s…surprising.”

I shrugged and said modestly, “I’m southern. We’re always selfless. It’s how I grew up. Southern Hospitality and all that, it’s our motto down there.”

“Are you a southern belle or something?” He asked. I could tell he was actually curious and wasn’t making fun of me for it.

I shrugged again. “I like to think so. I’m an unconventional one, though. I admit, I’m not as polite as they usually are but I’m polite when it’s important. And I don’t do those pageants, but otherwise, I guess you could say I am. I mean, I know how to cook; I like to clean and take care of people, I can fix a sink, a toilet, and a car and I can sew pretty well.” Then I shook my head. “But I’d rather not talk about myself. This is a superficial industry; I have to talk about myself all the time. What about you? Anything you want to do later in life?”

“I don’t…know,” he replied. “No one’s ever asked me that question.

“Put you on the spot,” I teased. I pushed my bowl away and rested my chin in my hands. It was so easy to talk to him, I almost preferred it over hanging out with the other guys or *NSYNC. Almost. He didn’t tease me or make fun of the things I said or did. He didn’t laugh at the fact that I could be a klutz despite being a “graceful” dancer. When I was around him, I didn’t feel bad about who I was. I felt normal.

And I loved that feeling.

“I like the beach,” he said slowly. Duh. “I want to be a marine biologist, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.” Nick said with a bit of sadness in his voice.

“What makes you say that?”

He shrugged. “When will I ever have the time to go to college? Get a better education?” he asked somewhat bitterly. “I’m probably going to be stuck with the education of a high schooler for the rest of my life.”

“If my mom can go back to college when she’s thir…I mean, young, when she’s young, you can too,” I told him, reaching across the table and lightly flicking his forehead. “It’s all about being positive. As long as you’re positive you can do anything. At least, that’s what Poppy says.” I snapped my fingers. “Hey, did Johnny say he wanted to meet with you?”

He nodded rapidly. “Yeah. You too?”

“Liam passed along the message. What do you think he wants?” I asked. I have to admit, I was kind of worried. If people thought I was sadistic, they haven’t met Johnny. He’d make anyone do what he wanted because, well, he was Johnny! “I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong.” I paused to contemplate what I just said. “Today, at least.”

Nick made a snorting sound. “Oh, you’re like an angel around here. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

I tried to keep the smile off of my face but it formed anyway. This guy, ever the charmer without even realizing it. Usually I can keep my emotions on lockdown but not around him. Why is he so damn special? Why?

“I don’t think it’s bad,” he finally decided. “Maybe bad press though?”

“Not likely, Aunt Abbey gets anything with my name or yours or…theirs mentioned in it, just to be sure so she can alert the parents,” I replied. “It might not be too bad. I’m worrying myself over nothing.”

“Yeah, probably,” he agreed. “Are you done?” He asked, motioning to the bowls.

I nodded and stood, with him following suit. Then I walked over to Todd and Eric who seemed a little too absorbed in the pictures on the wall. “We can go now,” I told them. “And you don’t have to freak out on every fan that wants an autograph.”

“You don’t know what they’re capable of. Remember John Lennon?” Todd asked while he stood.

“I’m nowhere near a big enough blip on the celebrity radar to be a John Lennon,” I pointed out. “Hell, I’m not even on that radar at all and I’d appreciate it if things stayed that way.”

“Not going to happen if you keep dating Carter,” Eric said.

My lips twitched. “We’re not dating.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes.”

Truthfully? No.

“So? How was it?” Aunt Abbey asked as she walked into the bathroom the next morning basically at the butt-crack of dawn. I watched her move to the other sink through the mirror while I brushed my teeth and tried to keep my eyes open. These wake up times were ridiculous.

“Wha?” I grunted. What do you expect? It’s the morning and I have a toothbrush in my mouth.

“You know, your date,” she replied, lightly elbowing me.

“I’m sorry, are you my aunt or my cousin?” I questioned, pulling my toothbrush out of my mouth and then spat into the sink. “Ugh,” I groaned, pinching my fingers on the little bit of toothpaste I spat into my hair.

“I’m a girl who wants to know what happened,” she replied, tilting her head to brush her hair. “Details, please.”

“Nothing happened. We went to the botanical garden so I could—“

“The botanical garden?!”  Abbey interrupted me with a laugh. “You went to a botanical garden?”

I lifted an eyebrow. “I was taking pictures of some stuff for my dad, okay? Do you want to hear this or not?” She mimed zipping her lips and pressed them tight. She almost looked like a clown with how much her face was distorted. “An-ee-way, after that we walked around the place, stopped to sign autographs for people—of which I still can’t get used to doing, by the way—and then we got some ice cream and then came back to the hotel where we parted ways.”

“That’s it?” She asked, pulling the brush out of her dark hair.

“Uh, yeah? What else is supposed to happen? We go skipping off into the sunset?” I asked sarcastically while sticking my toothbrush under the tap water.

“Did he…have an excuse to touch you?” She asked. I shot her a sharp look. “Not like that! I mean, like, an excuse to…I don’t know, put his hand on your back? Guide you to a table? Move hair off of your face? Something like that.”

“No,” I replied.

“Did he…offer to pay for your ice cream?” She questioned.

“Yeah, but I didn’t want him to—ow!” I cried out, grabbing my arm where she hit me. “I know I’m not your direct child but I can call you out for child abuse.”

“That’s like the sure fire sign of it being a date!” She groaned. “Okay, did he hold your hand? Or at least try?”

I wrinkled my nose. “Kind of,” I replied, dabbing at my mouth with a washcloth. “When we were coming back I spotted this…mini wall thing. You know, the ones that surrounded those random flower plot decorations? Anyway, I was walking on one, like those trapeze artist people. So, I reached the end of the thing—and it was pretty high off the ground—and he held out his hand to help me down and he…kinda…didn’t let go after that,” I muttered the rest in a rush and went back to the bedroom part so I could sift through my suitcase and figure out what I wanted to wear for the day. Of course, Abbey was hot on my heels.

“REALLY?” She said excitedly.

“Yeah,” I replied.

The smile on her face faded. “Why aren’t you so excited about this? I mean, you two…you work. I can see it.” I shrugged and sat down on my bed. She knelt by my side. “Sweetie…are you scared that you’ll end up like your parents.”

“No,” I replied a little too harshly.

“You’re not like them.”

“I’m half Mom, half Dad. How do you know that’s not going to happen to me? Huh?”

She smiled and rubbed the back of my hand. “Because when you love, you love hard. You don’t mess around with this sort of thing. With your parents, they were brave enough to know when to let each other go. You shouldn’t let what happened to them effect what could happen to you, d’accord ma petite?” I twisted my mouth to the side as she kissed my forehead. “I’m going to take a quickl shower and then we’ll get going. You’ll be changed by then, right?”

“Right,” I replied. “Do you know what the others are going to do?” I asked, referring to my band.

“Go sightseeing I think,” she replied, grabbing a towel off the back of the desk chair. “Sev’s coming down with a cold, though. So be careful around her.”

“Got it,” I replied and then reached for my suitcase handle to pull it closer but I moved it to grab my phone when it started ringing. “Hello?” I answered.

“Good morning!” Joey chirped on the other end.

“Joey, how are you so peppy?” I asked with a laugh, realizing just how much I missed his voice.

“Our album came out yesterday. I’m still high from partying last night,” he replied.

“Joey, you better not mean high high.”

“Relax, Buttercup. High on life. High on fun. I don’t touch that stuff. Alcohol every now and then, but not that stuff. I don’t want anything to mess up this body. It’s a babe magnet.”

“I think it’s your larger-than-life attitude that makes people gravitate towards you, not your body.”

“Don’t ruin my image.”

I laughed. “Don’t you have a girlfriend, Joe?”

“No,” he replied solemnly. “We’re…off again.”

I tisked. “Oh, Joe.”

“She wanted some time to think, she says. I’m giving her her space.”

“Don’t do anything stupid,” I warned, picking up a t-shirt and then tossing it away.

“Do I ever?”

“Joey.”

“Okay, okay,” he laughed and then sighed. “So, how are you doing?”

“Honestly? I’ve been better,” I replied.

“Oh? Something happen?”

“You could say that,” I replied and then I explained about how I’ve been feeling lately and then I told him about the e-mail that I had received. I tried to keep my emotions out of it but I could tell that a little leaked into my words.

“That little…do you want me to talk to him?” Joey asked.

I smiled into the receiver at his big brother act. “No, it’s okay,” I replied. “It just felt a little weird. Now that I think about it, it didn’t really sound like him. I mean, you’d think someone who’s known me for so long would know that we’ve been friends for fourteen years, not twelve. And, come to think of it, it was addressed ‘Mack’ and not ‘Mackie’ like he usually writes.”

“So, what, you think someone else got into his e-mail and sent it to you? Why would someone do that?”

“To keep me from going back,” I replied.

“Who would do that? We all love you.”

I paused and let my mind wander. There’s only one other person there that wouldn’t want me there, if they had their way. My mouth slowly fell open. It had to be her. It was the only explanation.

That bitch.