February 26th, 1998
New York, NY

“Are you busy?" AJ asked.

“A bit, I’m wallowing in self pity,” I replied. He stared at me. “That was a joke, I’m not busy. Come in.” I moved out of the way and let him into the room. I quickly moved past him and picked up the random clothes that were scattered on the floor. “Sorry about the mess,” I apologized.

“No, it’s all right. You should see Rok’s and Nicky’s room. It looks like a landmine of clothing exploded,” he replied, shoving his hands into his pockets.

I motioned to the bed. “You can sit.”

He shrugged. “I’m fine standing. I just wanted to make sure things are fine between all of us.”

I sighed. “Didn’t we talk about this before? You called me in Memphis and we hashed everything out.” I paused and then squinted at him. “Exactly how did you get that number?”

“It’s an emergency contact thing,” he said with a wave of his hand.”I got it from ‘Tima. Remember? You put your mother’s number as your emergency contact. When you didn’t answer your phone I figured I’d try there.”

“Ah.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “Everything’s fine. I’m not mad or anything and you’d know if I were.” I clicked my tongue and added reluctantly, “The flowers kinda won me over.”

He grinned. “And you have me to thank for that.”

“Huh, sounds more like Kevin to me.”

He scoffed. “Kevin’s not the only one who’s thoughtful in the group.”

“Yeah yeah.” I glanced around the room as silence fell. I started fidgeting. I hated awkward silences. I moved to the bed and started fixing it. “Something else is on your mind.”

“Just wanted to know how you’re handling everything. Things are kinda blowing up fast for you.”

“Yeahhhh.” I yanked back the covers on the bed and adjusted the pillows. “I guess I’m handling it fine so far. I mean, I don’t know how to react in a way. Part of me wants to be, like, overwhelmed with joy and everything but, at the same time, I’ve hardly done anything yet and I don’t want to get ahead of myself or else be accused of being conceited or something.”

“If anyone ever thinks that it’d be out of their head the first few minutes they talk to you,” AJ said, fiddling with his sunglasses. “With your track record so far things are going to get crazy and it’s going to get crazy fast. If you ever need a break or a time to breathe or anything you can come to one of us. We got your back.”

“Thanks.”

“Anytime.” He looked at his phone. “How long are you in New York?”

“The guys have a show tomorrow and then we’re flying out to Texas and then California. I’m coming back to Orlando on the fourteenth and they’re coming back on the fifteenth,” I quickly recited, going over the facts in my head.

“So you don’t have anything planned then?” AJ asked. I shook my head. “We’re planning on having this Backstreet get together cookout on the fourteenth. We have one every time we kick off a tour. Do you want to come?”

“I mean, I kinda wanted to spend some time with my parents…”

“Bring ‘em with you. The more the merrier.”

“I’ll give you a call. Unfortunately Liam is notorious for telling me things at the last minute.”

AJ nodded. “Sounds good.” Then he touched the brim of his baseball cap. “See you later, Frenchie.”

I shook my head and chuckled, “Vous vissez.”

“And I’m going to pretend that I know what you said.” He gave a little salute and left the room. Almost as soon as the door closed my phone rang.

“Oh geeze,” I muttered and dashed to my phone. “Sorry Heather, I almost forgot about you.”

“Yeah, forget the little people,” she commented. I could practically see her rolling her eyes. “I have to hurry anyway, lunch is almost over. Tell Josh that we’re going to be able to fly down to Orlando on the fifteenth, ok? So we’ll just meet him at the airport.”

“Will do. I won’t hold you up. Talk to you later.”

“All right, bye.”

“Bye.” Almost as soon as I hung up my phone rang again. “Hmm, I’m popular today,” I muttered and answered the phone. “Hick’s Taxidermy, you snuff ‘em we stuff ‘em.”

“Ew! Mack, that’s just nasty!” Britney cried out on the other line.

I grinned evilly. “Oh, I have a million of ‘em up my sleeve, Ms. Spears. So what’s up?”

“We were going to go shopping, remember?”

“Right, how could I forget? Ok, just let me leave a note with the guys and then I’ll be right out. Meet me out front of the Hyatt in ten.”

“See you soon, girl. We’re going to shop until we drop!”

~*~*~*~*~

“OK, girl, spill,” Britney said, dropping down in the chair across from me in the food court. I looked up from my burger as she slid the bags off of her arms. She frowned a little and rubbed the little indentions that formed in her arms because of the weight of the bags. All around us shoppers were bustling and milling in and out of stores, as if they were in a race with each other. It was fun watching people shopping, took my mind off of things for a while.

I picked up a French fry and dipped it in my strawberry milkshake. I smiled at the mixture of salty and sweet taste that reached my taste buds as I chewed. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t place innocent with me. You’ve spaced out more times than an astronaut in the last hour.” I laughed at her analogy but she leaned back in her chair and lifted her eyebrows, giving me her best ‘I mean business’ face.

“Don’t be so dramatic.” She grabbed the fry that was in my hands and shoved it into her own mouth, chewing rapidly. I gave her an odd look and reached for the carton but she snatched that out of my hands as well. “Britney, if you know what’s good for you you’d give me my fries back.”

“Look. I’m stuck day and night with no male interaction whatsoever but you have boys coming out of your ears. And if you have a juicy detail or two, I think you should show a little mercy and share it, don’t you?” She demanded.

I leaned back in my seat. “What makes you think this is about a boy?”

She laughed. “Girl, you eat, sleep, and breathe boys with your job. I know a pathetic love look when I see one.”

I smirked. “Still have eyes for Justin, eh?”

Her cheeks bloomed red. “I don’t like Justin.”

“That’s right, you never stopped.” My smile got bigger as she shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t blame you, him being your first kiss and all. You don’t ever forget that guy.”

“It was just a dare,” she grumbled.

“One that I’ll bet you remember every time you think back to your MMC days.”

“Yeah, well, no one forgets their first kiss,” she defended herself. “Even you.”

I took a sip of my milkshake and wiped my mouth. “Hmm, we’ll just have to wait for that moment, now don’t we?”

Her mouth fell open. “You haven’t had your first kiss yet?” She shrieked. A few passing shoppers gave her a look but she ignored them.

“Would you like to announce it over the mall’s PA?” I asked, lifting an eyebrow. “No, I haven’t had the luxury of having my first kiss yet. Well…” I made a face. “Trace kinda stole it from me when I was fourteen but that doesn’t count ‘cause, well, it’s Trace.”

“Wow.” Britney slowly shook her head. “Wow.”

“Thanks for not making me feel like a complete loser, friend.”

“Sorry.” She smiled sheepishly. “I’m just surprised—“

“I got that.”

“—I mean, you’re a catch.”

“Ha!” I shook my head. “That’s you, my friend.” Britney was as sweet as sweet can be. She always used her manners, calling everyone she meets ‘sir’ and ‘ma’am’. Her skin is flawless, hair perfectly straight and shiny, and of course she has the pearly white teeth in the perfect smile. She always looked like she came right out of a magazine, no matter how much she denies it. She had a slight baby face but it was cute and something that always grabbed boys’ attention.

Compared to her I was the sidekick. I was only two inches shorter than her but I felt like I was a foot shorter. She had the perfect body to wear crop tops and halters and make it look good. I just looked like a damn mess if I tried, which is why I don’t anymore. Who’d want to be with me if they had the complete package with Brit? I admit that I’m loud, to the point of being obnoxious, and I don’t hesitate to tell people how I feel about them or a situation. Unfortunately it’s ultimately been my downfall in the boy department. It also doesn’t help that I don’t trust guys even if they had a sign on them that said ‘I’m innocent. Trust me.’ I just don’t want to have to deal with the heartbreak that comes with it. It ruined my parents’ marriage after all.

“Oh come on, give yourself some credit,” Britney interrupted my thoughts. “You’re awesome.”

“‘Oh I know that,” I say cockily. She rolls her eyes and grins. “But I have to deal with Good Cop and Bad Cop breathing down my neck 24/7.”

She gave me a sympathetic smile. “JC and Justin can’t be that bad.” I scoffed and told her every instance in which they freaked out on a guy I was talking to for no reason. She listened intently, laughing from time to time and gasping in shock and disbelief in others. In hindsight their reactions were pretty damn funny, especially when JC sat me down and demanded to know what exactly was going on with me and Gabe, who I would never in a million years date. I don’t mix business and pleasure. “They’re just trying to protect you. Bryan’s the same way. Makes me want to pull my hair out, but I know at the end of the day he’s just doing it because he loves me, just like they love you.”

“Yeah yeah, but they need to loosen their reigns. I mean, Justin totally blocked me yesterday.” I paused to take a bite of my forgotten burger. “We went to FAO Schwarz and one of the piano players was totally into me and Justin…pulled a Justin, as Joey and I say.”

“Are you still ticked?” She asked, taking a bite of her burger.

I shrugged. “Nah. I’m over it, a good night’s sleep helped.”

“Well, they’re probably seeing this as a good time to cherish the amount of time you have left,” she said while squirting ketchup on her burger. “Kinda like how mothers don’t want to let their kids go off to college? It’s like that. You’ve been with them from the beginning; they’re like proud fathers watching you go. They can’t let go just yet, they want to hold on tighter, but they’ll let go eventually. You’ll see.” She licked ketchup off of her fingers. “I was talking to Christina earlier—she says hi by the way—and we were saying how sick it would be if we all did a collaboration one day.”

I laughed. “Imagine how chaotic it would be in that sound booth. I can see it now; our managers wouldn’t be able to control us.”

“No one can control us,” she giggled. “We’re a force of nature once we’re together.”

“Unfortunately we won’t be together much.” I lifted my milkshake. “Here’s to our future success.”

“Hear, hear.” We tapped our plastic cups against each other, laughing. “Gosh, who knew in an instant our lives would change so quickly?”

“I know. It feels like just yesterday we were playing hide and seek on set when you visited,” she mused. “Time flies.”

“Yep.”

“Next thing you know we’ll blink and we’ll be married.”

“You’ll be married before me. I think Christina will be married before the both of us, though. I’ll be last. I’m too picky.”

“You can’t tell me you’re not interested in anyone right now.”

“I’m a girl, Brit,” I pointed out, putting my milkshake down. “A sixteen-year-old one at that. Boys in general interest me. I just don’t show it.”

“So who’s the lucky guy?”

I almost flinched when an image of Nick flashed in my head. I must be suffering from lack of sleep. “Basically anyone that pays attention to me,” I replied.

“Kinda like him?” Britney points behind me. I crinkled my eyebrow and turned around to see a little boy pointing in our direction, jumping up and down as if he’s excited about something. His frazzled looking mother was holding onto his hand, talking quickly to him.

“Wonder what that’s about,” I said, turning back around and turning my attention back to my burger. A few seconds later I got my answer by fingers tapping me on the shoulder. “Yeah?” I asked, looking up.

“Hi, I’m sorry to disturb you. It’s just…were you in that Ben Affleck movie? The one that just got released?” The woman asked, pointing at a store. I twisted in my chair and noticed a few movie posters that were hanging off the wall, one of ‘em being our movie.

“Yes, that was me,” I replied.

“I think you were wonderful and I, well, was wondering if I could get your autograph?” The woman smiled sheepishly. I glanced at Britney who nodded enthusiastically. “I hope I’m not being a bother,” she muttered as I took the pen she was holding out to me as well as a scrap piece of paper.

“Not at all.” I wrote down a short message and quickly scribbled my name as well as a heart and a couple of stars and handed the paper and pen back with a smile. “There you go. I’m glad you enjoyed the movie.” I then looked down at the little boy who was hiding behind his mother’s skirt. “Hi sweetie, what’s your name?”

“Zachawy,” he replied, softly.

“Well, Zachary, you don’t have to be so shy. I won’t bite.”

The mother smiled and put a hand on his head. “He really wanted to come over and see you. He’s usually not this shy.”

“Oh, it’s all right. I hope you two have a great day.” I waved to them as they walked away.

Britney was looking at me with a large grin on her face. “Get used to it, girl. We’re going places; I can feel it in my veins.”

I lifted my milkshake again. “I’ll drink to that.”

This was the one day I was dreading.

I could feel a weight on my chest as soon as the rocking bus woke me up. The past couple days have melted into what felt like one huge blur of driving, flying, hotel stays, interviews, and show after show after show. Early tomorrow morning I would fly back to Orlando to rest before we did the Orlando Bands Together benefit concert and then fly out to Dublin, Ireland the next day to join the Backstreet Boys on their Backstreet’s Back Tour. Is it bad that I wish I could stay locked in this moment forever? That I just wanted to turn and run away from change, even though it was inevitable?

I lifted my arms and rubbed my eyes, careful not to whack Justin in the head. Like usual, I wore down and accepted his apology and, like usual, let him talk me into staying up talking about anything and everything until we finally crashed in my bunk. I guess things were back to normal but he and the others have been oddly distant in the past week and a half, like they were avoiding me. And it wasn’t even my time of the month yet.

I yanked the curtain and peered out the bus window where random trees and road signs. The sun was all ready high in the air and bathed everything in a golden glow. Ah, just what a need, a beautiful day to spite me. I would actually enjoy this day if JC’s other half didn’t decide to tag along. Seriously, doesn’t this girl have a job? It’s like every time I turn around she’s there fawning all over him, hanging off his arm, batting her fucking perfect eyelashes and flipping her fucking perfect hair, flaunting her fucking perfect clothes, smiling those fucking perfect teeth at him. God, she’s so damn perfect it makes me sick!

“We here yet?” Justin’s sleepy voice caused me to jump and, with a very loud thud, I smacked my head against the ceiling in fright. Justin laughed sleepily and rubbed his eyes. “Well, that put me in a good mood.”

“Glad I could be of service,” I grumbled, rubbing my forehead. Man, that really hurt. “This is the last time I’m sharin’ a bed with you.”

“What’d I do, fart on you in my sleep? ‘Cause that was Trace that one time,” he said, yawning.

“One, ew, and B, no. You elbowed and kicked me into the one little corner of this damn bunk while you had the rest of the space,” I replied, pulling my hair back into a ponytail and then rubbing the sleep from my eyes. “I told you we wouldn’t fit. You just had to grow like a beanstalk.” I paused and then something he said hit me. “Waddya mean Trace farted on me in his sleep?”

“Relax, I’m yanking your chain. He’s a guy but he’s not downright gross.” I lifted my eyebrow. “Ok, he’s not downright gross on purpose.” He stretched. “Wanna play golf today?”

“Justin, you know of all people I don’t play golf.”

“You just need more practice.”

“Justin, I spend more time flinging golf clubs through the air than the balls themselves.”

“Please? It’ll be fun. We don’t have the radio interview until two and the show isn’t until 6:30.”

“I’ll make you a deal,” I replied, ignoring the pout that was on his face. “You guys go to the gym with me this morning, for about an hour and a half, and I’ll go golfing with you. Deal?” I held out my hand.

“Deal.” He grabbed it and we did our ‘secret’ handshake. “How bad can going to the gym be?”

I grinned evilly. “Oh, you’ll see. Now get your tush out so I can change and wake the others.”

“Wait, we’re going to the gym before we check-in?” His eyes were wide with fear.

That’s right, J, you better be scared. “Yup,” I said happily. “Now go get something to eat. Don’t want you passing out.” I patted his arm and rolled over him. I quickly grabbed the edge of the bunk. Curse my short attention span; I almost rolled right out and onto the floor. I went around waking up Chris and the others. Chris was in such a deep sleep he pulled me into a headlock. I don’t even want to know what he was dreaming bout. I jumped onto the side of the bunks and called as I pulled back JC’s curtain, “Wakey wakey.” I lifted an eyebrow at his empty bunk. “Huh. Where’s Jace? Did we leave him behind again?”

“That’d be funny,” Chris commented, tying a bandana over his hair. “No, I think he and Boobie crashed in the back lounge.”

“You’re mean,” I laughed at the nickname. He winked and went to the front of the bus where Joey and Lance started talking about the comics. Grumbling, I moved past the bunks and the bathroom to reach the back lounge. “Joshua Scott, get up! We’re hitting the gym—YIKES!” I quickly yanked the door shut and took off to the front of the bus.

“What’s wrong with you?” Joey asked. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I’ve seen something worse. I saw a full moon in the day time,” I groaned, holding my stomach which started to toss and turn. “Oh, I’m gonna be sick! Move it!” I shoved Justin out of the way as soon as he came out of the bathroom.  I jumped at the knock on the door and, before I could move, Bobbie slipped in. My lip curled at the tank top and boy shorts she was wearing as well as the apologetic look that was on her face.

“Look, with Josh and I, we—“ She started.

“WHOA! No! La la la la la la la!” I chanted, shoving my fingers in my ears and started pacing. Bobbie reached for my arms and yanked them down.

“Mackie”—oh how I hated that name—“It’s just sex. Nothing to be afraid of.”

“Huh.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “You didn’t have to get the sex talk from five guys. When you were fourteen. With puppets!” Bobbie covered her mouth with her hand to try not to laugh. “Yeah, puppets. And let’s just say Chris had a very…colorful approach to it. Little Red wasn’t riding her hood if you catch my drift.”

“Well, it’s just—“

I lifted my hand and stopped her. “Don’t wanna know. I really don’t. If you don’t mind, tell your boyfriend that he should get changed ‘cause we’re going to go to the gym soon.”

“But JC and I were going to have breakfast together.”

I paused by the door and turned back to look at her. “You might want to eat fast. if you haven’t noticed they have a show tonight and they haven’t hit the gym once in the past week and a half. They need to stay in good shape.”

“Their shows do that for them.”

“Not as well as hitting the gym. They need to work on their major muscle groups and the stage can’t do that for them.”

She scoffed. “What makes you think they’ll listen to you? You’re just a kid.”

I lifted my eyebrows at her tone. Where’d this 180 come from? “I’ve worked with them for two, almost three years now. They trust the training regimes I give them and, as you can see, it’s done them well. I may be ‘just a kid’ but I know what I’m doing.” I twisted the knob to open the door but she slapped her palm against it, stopping me. “What’s your deal?” I demanded.

“You’re my deal,” she replied, her eyes flashing in anger. “Every time I try to do something with Josh you’re in the way. Every time I try to get some alone time with him you ask him to do something or you make him go to the gym or you make him rehearse. Josh is my boyfriend, not yours.” I opened my mouth to say something but she stopped me. “I see the way you look at him. You wish he were your boyfriend, huh?” Then she sneered. “Well, guess what? He’s mine and I’m not going anywhere. Why he would be interested in a boyish little kid like you when he has a sophisticated, feminine, mature woman like me?”

“Mature?” I shook my head. “You keeping me in this bathroom and yelling at me for nothing really lets your maturity shine through, that’s for sure,” I said as calmly as possible. My blood was boiling; no one got away with talking to me like that, but why should I give her the satisfaction of seeing me mad? She didn’t deserve it. “I’m doing my job whether you want me to or not.”

“Oh yeah? We’ll just see about that.”

“Was that a threat?” No really, I wanted to know. She couldn’t really pull off being ‘the bad guy’ that well. I’ve seen scarier kittens.

“You bet it was.”

“Huh,” I laughed. “Ok. Well, while you sit around here and do nothing I have my job to do.” I couldn’t help myself, I just had to add, “But I don’t expect you to know what one of those is.”

The look on her face was totally worth it.

~*~*~*~*~

“Ok, boys, this is the last thing for the day,” I said over the sound of the bike machines. Chris let out of whoop of joy as he slumped over the consol of the bike, his legs still moving on the pedals. I laughed a little and stood in front of them. “It’s very simple; I just want you to ride the bike at your own pace for the next five minutes.”

“There must…be a catch,” Lance panted, pulling at his sweat-soaked t-shirt.

“There is.” I put my hands on my hips. “You guys are going to sing.”

“Sing what, exactly?” Joey asked, a small look of fear was in his eyes.

“One of your songs,” I replied and started pacing. “Me and my band do it all the time while working out. Not only does it give you a good vocal workout but it helps you learn how to sing while out of breath and how to maintain your breath while doing your dance moves. And let’s face it, sometimes you guys get a little breathy, but that’s natural. But it shouldn’t be so obvious. You should at least squeeze in a song two times and then you’ll be finished for the day. Until your rehearsal at least. Got it?” They let out grunts and then started pedaling on the bikes, belting out “Drive Myself Crazy (Thinking of You)”, which was one of their best ballads if you ask me.

I sat down in a chair and leaned back, listening as their voices harmonized together perfectly and effortlessly. Now I understood the fans’ fascinations with them, not that I didn’t notice it before, but now I had a better appreciation for it. Despite looking tired they always had this…spark in their eyes whenever they started singing, something that couldn’t be matched in any other performers’ eyes. They were the real deal and they deserved to be recognized.

It made me wonder how I was going to survive without them. I’ve been with them for four years, more like a lifetime in my books. I mean, they were the ones that understood me, how I worked, and what I was trying to achieve. They were the closest ones to me, aside from my family and home friends which is saying something ‘cause I don’t like people getting too close.

Joey was the one who could help me feel beautiful whenever I was having a bad day and helped me get in touch with my feminine side. Why do you think I like shorts and off-the-shoulder shits now? Chris would always make me cheer up just by making a face or telling me a lame joke. They were horrible jokes most of the time but the fact that he wouldn’t let up until I laughed or smiled meant a lot to me. Lance was a great listener and he didn’t judge me, not that the others did, but he had a more open mind and accepted the things I did or how I acted better than the others. He didn’t make fun of me nearly as much as the others, which I appreciate.  JC was like my protective big brother. Sure, he bugged me a lot but I appreciate the fact that he cares about me enough to stay up with me if I’m sick or to listen to my problems like a friend instead of an adult and he tries to see things from my point of view, which is a lot more than I get from others. And Justin…there was no one else in the world that knew me as well as he did. Not that I wasn’t close to Trace or Rachel, it’s just that Justin was different in his own way.

I was more worried about him when I left than I was about myself…

I blinked when fingers snapped in my face. “C’mon Sleeping Beauty, we’re goin’ golfin’!” Justin said excitedly, grabbing my hands and pulling me to my feet.

“Don’t you want to shower first?” I mumbled when he swung his arm around my shoulders. I shoved him away. “Get your disgusting man stink off me!”

“That is the delicious smell of a man’s natural scent, thank you very much.”

“Don’t make me hurl.”

“Aim away from the shoes please, I just bought ‘em.”

“You’re more of a girl than I am.”

“Ha ha ha. That was so funny I forgot to laugh. Don’t quit your day job.”

“Ragging on you is my day job, Ramen Head.”

“Clever, Smalls.”

“Poodle Boy.”

“Itty-Bitty.”

“Fuzz Ball.”

“Stubby.”

“Fozzy.”

“Tiny Tim.”

“Sideshow Bob.”

“Ok, that was a good one.”

“I try.”

~*~*~*~*~

“Arrrrgh!” I grumbled as another patch of grass was sent flying. I threw down my golf club in anger and crossed my arms over my chest. I hate this damn game.

“Don’t give up yet,” Justin said, putting a gloved hand on my shoulder. “You’re doing…better.”

“Justin, by the time I actually hit the damn ball I can carve my name in the dirt,” I muttered, kicking at the ground. “I hope the fines aren’t that bad,” I added, looking at the random patches of girl in the otherwise bright green grass.

He lifted his gloved hand to his ear. “I’m sorry, is that you saying you’re quitting. Are you a quitter?”

“Shut up!” I snarled.

“Don’t be like that,” he sighed, picking up my abandoned golf club. “You just need more practice. You can’t be good at everything when you first try.”

“I’m not good at everything when I first try.”

He scoffed and lifted a hand, ready to count on his fingers. “Singing, photography, horseback riding, sculpting, rhythmic gymnastics, countless forms of dancing, soccer, magic—“

“I’m not good at those right away,” I interrupted him. “I actually practice for a while.”

“So you see my point?” He smirked as he bounced a golf ball on the end of his club. I wanted to smack him with it.

“I hate your family,” I grumbled. “You guys are too good at getting me to see your points.”

“Oh you love us. We bring the joy to your life.” He held out the golf club and I took it. “Now, relax. We’re not keeping score or anything so doesn’t get worked up, ok?” I nodded. “Now, line up your shot. Keep your head down. Arms straight…arms straight.”

“Justin, my boobs are in the way,” I complained.

“What boobs? You’re as flat as a board.”

“Thanks for that. That’s what every girl in the world likes to hear.”

He made a noise of impatience so I did as I was told. “Head down. Good. Arms straight. Legs shoulder-width apart. Firm, tight grip. Ok. Now, usually what helps me is picturing where the ball is going to land before you swing,” he said as he backed up. “But, considering you’re you, I advise you picturing the ball is the head of someone you hate.”

My lips curled in a sinister smile. I swear that golf ball morphed into Bobbie’s head. What’d I ever do to her anyway? I haven’t said anything to her nor acted any sort of way around her. Not when I have to risk JC’s wrath.

I shifted my weight from foot to foot and readjusted my grip on the golf club. Head down. Arms straight. Tight grip. I fixed my stance and let my mind wander as Justin paced, waiting for me to take my shot. I didn’t even do anything to her! I haven’t even said anything bad to her. Sure, I thought it, but I never said it. The low down BITCH!

I took a swing at the ball. It connected with a metallic thwack and the ball was sent flying. I didn’t even let go of the club this time! Justin held a hand up to shield his eyes as the ball went flying through the air and bounced on a patch of green on the other side of a wall of grass.

“Son of a gun,” I grumbled.

“What’re you so upset about?” Justin asked.

“I hit it in the wrong direction,” I replied, pointing with my club. “I hit it onto the wrong hole.”

He looked at me as if I were crazy. “Mack, you want to hit it in that direction. It was a pretty good shot, too.”

“Oh, really?” I looked in the direction the ball landed. “But, why does the course go that way?” I asked pointing to my right.

He lightly slapped his face. “That’s because they’re trying to make you take more hits to get a worse score.”

“Ohhhhhh.”

“Just get in the cart.” Justin grumbled something under his breath, most likely about how hopeless I was at the game. Any sport that involves a ball that you don’t have to kick I’m horrible at and apparently he just figured that one out.

I tossed my clubs in the back and got in on the driver’s side. I leaned against the wheel, watching as Justin placed his tee in the ground and put the golf ball on top of it. He stretched his arms a little bit and glanced in the distance where a flag was waving. He got into his stance and bent his knees slightly, looked back and forth between his ball and the flag and finally hit the ball. Why does he always make things look so easy?

Guess we were more alike than I thought.

“You ok?” He asked. I jumped and slammed my hand on the horn while he burst out laughing. I hadn’t noticed that he got into the cart. “What’re you thinking about now?”

“The usual,” I replied.

He sighed. “You know you have to do this—“

“I know,” I interrupted him. “It’s just…I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I feel like something’s holding me back but I don’t know…”

“Oh I know what it is,” he said simply. I looked at him. “This.” He pressed finger to my forehead. “You’re thinking about this way too much. You like performing, right?” I nodded. “You have fun with it, right?” I nodded again. “So why not be paid to have fun? You said your family needs more money for your dad’s bills, this is a sure fire way of doing it. It’s selfless and you’ll have fun with it. You like travelling and you can see more places. I don’t understand why this is so hard for you.”

I scoffed. “Oh don’t pretend you’re so brave about it.”

He gave me a small smile. “Mackie—“

“Why do you call me that?” I interrupted him with a groan. I can almost hear the taunting Ms. Mary Mack rhyme all over again.

“’Cause I know it bugs you,” he replied. “You’re my best friend and yeah, it sucks that you’re leaving, but it’s great that you’re leaving because of something you love to do. You can’t stay with us forever, no matter how much I wish you could. With your job, you’re constantly changing clients, styles, scenes even so I always knew it was only a matter of time until you left. Do I wish we could have you all to ourselves? Hell yeah, you’re our secret weapon, but it wouldn’t be fair to you. It took me a while to figure that out but I know it now. You shouldn’t so scared; you’ll have the time of your life.

“I just want to make your proud of me.”

“I already am proud of you and I always will be proud of you. It’s unconditional. I’ll be proud of you even if…you become a stripper.” I shot him a look. “Ok, maybe not that. I’d be tearing off the heads of any guy that even dares to rest his sight on you but you get my point. As long as you’re happy, I’m happy. Ok? I don’t want to be the one who feels responsible for holding you back.”

“You’ve never held me back.”

“And I don’t want to be the reason you start now. Think of it this way, being apart we’ll have a lot of stuff to talk about when we’re together again.”

“I’m counting down the days.”

I powered up the golf cart and sped down the path to get to the hole. Justin laughed gleefully while the wind rushed in our ears. Hey, if I can’t drive a car just ‘cause I only have my permit I’ll speed in a gold cart, just try and stop me.

I pulled over on the path next to the hole. “Hey look, I’m close!” I said gleefully, bouncing on my toes.

“Yeah yeah, just get your club,” Justin said, moving to the back.

“Which one?”

“Ummm, this one.” He picked one up and held it out to me. “Remember—“

“I think I know how to tap the ball into the hole. I’ve only watched you do it about a million times,” I grumbled, rolling my shoulders.

He lifted his hands and backed away, a smirk forming on his mouth. I got into my stance and looked hard at the hole. I wiped the little beads of sweat off my brow and adjusted my grip. I swung the club and—

“Don’t miss!” Justin shouted.

“JUSTIN!” I yelled once the ball was sent flying.

“I told you to keep your concentration on the ball.”

“Justin Randall—“

“It’s not my fault you have bad concentration.”

“Justin Randall Timberlake—“ I growled.

“Er…I love you?”

“Nice try!”

I swung my golf club at him. He quickly brought his up and blocked my swing. The next thing I knew we were laughing so hard that tears were streaming down our faces while we pretended to sword fight with each other. It was comforting.

Now I know for sure he’ll be fine without me.

~*~*~*~*~

“That was an amazing show guys,” I gushed as I followed them into the dressing room.

“Oh, stop,” Joey said with a wave of his hand.

“No really. You guys were on fire.”

“Please, go on.”

“Joey, knock it off,” I said, reaching up and lightly hitting him on the back of the head.

Just then Justin burst into the dressing room, dancing crazily. “Woohoo, we were on fiya tonight! Party anyone? I feel in the mood to celebrate! Any takers?”

“Hear hear,” Chris said, lifting the glass of punch from the snack table. “Hopefully it’ll have better food than this place.”

“I made some of this stuff,” I said and crossed my arms over my chest.

He paused. “And it’s delicious!” I lifted an eyebrow. “You’re looking great tonight. Who did your hair?”

“Nice save,” Lance laughed. “I’m going to skip the party.”

“Stop being such a lightweight. We’re not going to a club if that’s what you’re worried about. “Cause I can’t get in. Not that I’m bitter or anything,” Justin told him.

“It’s not that, I promised I’d call Danielle,” he replied.

“Awww,” I cooed. “Want to help me pack while you’re waiting?”

“Sure.”

“Wait, why do you let Lance near your clothes but you won’t let Joey and I go near it with a ten foot pole?” Chris demanded.

“Because I know Lancelot wouldn’t accidentally lose my underwear,” I replied. “But, whenever you guys are done with your party and stuff you can come to my hotel room and we’ll party like we used to. Junk food and horrible scary movies.”

“I’m totally in for that,” Lance said.

“But before that we have something for you,” JC said, walking into the room with his arm around Bobbie’s waist. She lifted a pencil thin eyebrow but stayed silent.

“Something else? Geeze, you guys are spoiling me like crazy.”

“You deserve this one. For putting up with us and crap,” Justin replied, taking a small box out of his bag and put it in my outstretched hand.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Open it and find out, Dummy.”

I glanced at them all and they had these creepy smiles on their faces. I grasped the lid of the box and opened it. Sitting inside was a shiny silver ring with dark bands running through it. Small musical notes sat on top of the bands resembling a music scale.

“Read it,” Justin urged me. “Read the notes.”

I tugged the ring out of the box and spun it around, the notes coming out in my head. I grinned once I pieced it all together. “It says…” my voice trailed off once it hit me.

“God must have spent…a little more time…on you,” they all sang in unison.

“Aww, guys,” I mumbled, putting the ring on my right hand ring finger.

“Are you gonna cry?” Chris laughed gleefully as Joey shoved a camera in my face.

“No, I just have something in them. Like a bug…or a twig.” They laughed and I shook my head. “Thanks guys, it means a lot.”

“Anything for our Baby Sis,” Lance said, hugging me around the shoulders.

“You deserve it, Honeybee,” JC added with a big smile.

Bobbie shot a glare my way and then turned her big brown doe eyes to JC. “Josh, can we go now?” She whined and then kissed his neck. Lance and I shared a glance.

“Yeah, you guys go ahead. Lance and I will take your stuff back to the hotel,” I said.

“You sure?” Joey asked.

“Yeah, you can shower here and then go to the club or whatever. Lance and I will take care of this stuff.”

We looked up at the knock on the door and saw Johnny’s grinning face. “Great show guys. You nailed it,” he said, rubbing his hands together. “There are a few fans out here that would love to get your autographs.”

Scattered “sure”s and “no problem”s came from the guys and they filed out of the room. I smiled down at my ring again before going around and picking up their trash. I could feel Bobbie’s eyes on me the entire time I moved around the room, straightening up.

“I thought I told you that Josh was mine,” Bobbie hissed, her tone steely.

“I’m quite aware that JC is your boyfriend,” I replied, shoving one of Joey’s shirts into his bag.

“Stop flirting with him.”

“I’m not doing anything. I’m not interested in him. He’s five years older than me.”

“Then what was with that nickname. Honeybee?” She made a face as if she smelled a bad scent.

“He’s been calling me that for years, it doesn’t mean anything.”

She laughed a harsh laugh. “Right, it doesn’t mean anything at all. You have to cool it with your flirting, ok? It’s pathetic, really.”

“Whatever you say.” I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, grabbing another one of Joey’s shirts and stuffing it into his bag. I zipped it up and looked around to see if anything else needed cleaning. Then suddenly what felt like a waterfall fell over my head and soaked me from head to toe. I stood there, dripping wet, gaping at Bobbie who smirked at me triumphantly and holding the pitcher in her hands.

“Oops,” she said mockingly, widening her eyes. “How clumsy of me.” Then she glared. “That should teach you a lesson, bitch.” She glanced towards the door when she heard footsteps and dropped the pitcher by my feet.

“Hey Mack—why are you wet?” JC asked, walking into the room.

I slowly picked up the pitcher and looked at Bobbie before forcing a smile. “I, uh, I tripped over Chris’s shoes,” I replied. “I didn’t see them.”

He gave me a hard stare for a couple of seconds and I could feel Bobbie’s eye son me as well. He could totally tell I was lying. “I’ll get you a change of clothes,” he said and started to leave the room.

“No, it’s fine!” I stopped him. “It’s pretty warm outside; I’ll dry up like that.” I snapped my fingers in example and gave him my best smile.

“Well, ok.” He reached out his hand and Bobbie grasped it proudly. “Lance will be back in a few minutes. See you later.”

“See ya,” I uttered half-heartedly as the couple left. “Some winner you picked, JC,” I mumbled once he was out of earshot.