Who knew that in five seconds the strongest person in the world could be reduced to a blubbering mess?

“Mack, c’mon,” Gabe said with pleading eyes

I backed away and shook my head. My knuckles started turning white from holding onto the microphone so hard.

“Now’s not the time to get stage fright,” Codie yelled at me. “Get your ass over here!”

I shook my head again. Why wouldn’t my mouth work? Why wouldn’t my legs work? Hell, why wouldn’t my brain work?

“What’s going on?” Liam demanded. His face was as red as a tomato. I would’ve laughed if I didn’t feel like puking.

“She’s frozen,” Lyric replied, jumping off the stage and rushing over to the little corner that I was crowded in. She swung her arm over my shoulders and narrowly missed nailing me with her bass guitar.

“Hey, kid, what’s with the nerves?” Liam asked, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me. “C’mon kid, you can’t do this to me. I have a packed room out there.”

“Liam! Give her a break!” Gabe snapped, shifting his guitar so it was out of the way. “She’s under a lot of pressure and you’re not helping her.” Thank you Gabe, you’re my favorite person right now. “Hey, kid, look at me.” He pushed Lyric’s arm off of my shoulder so he could turn me into his side. “What’s goin’ on? You had this down pat during rehearsals.”

I shrugged and let out a sigh. “Too many people,” I muttered.

“Too many people?” Lyric repeated. “Girl, you’ve danced how long? What does it matter how many people are out there? You never see half of ‘em anyway with the lights going nuts.”

“Red has a point,” Sevvie agreed, jumping down the small flight of stairs and shoving her drumsticks into her back pocket. “What’s really going on in that complex brain?”

“Am I that easy a read?” I asked, feeling a smile tug on my lips.

“As a children’s book,” Gabe replied. “Now out with it, Charlie.”

“Never should'a told you my middle name,” I sighed. With the way they were looking at me I knew there was no way out of this. “It’s just…I just realized what this meant.” I motioned towards the stage. “Doing this, I mean.”

“What do you mean?” Codie asked.

“I’m used to doing things behind the scenes,” I started. “I’m used to…presenting someone with something and they take it and shape it into their own thing. I’d get the credit but my face wouldn’t be attached. But now…my face will be out there. Everything will change. And…I’m doing this by myself. I don’t have anyone helping me. I’m doing this alone…and that scares me. I’ve always had someone else helping me but now…it’s just me out there.”

“Do you think that’s the problem?” Gabe asked.

“What?”

“Feeling like the only way you can do something is when someone else holds your hand.”

“I don’t do it on purpose—“

“Chill, Charlie. I’m just saying it’s something you need to be aware of. Now, I didn’t suffer through months with you girls for you to go out like this.”

Codie slapped him on the arm. “Suffer,” she scoffed. “Being surrounded by four beautiful ladies day in and day out would be a dream.”

Gabe smirked which seemed to ruffle Codie’s feather’s ‘cause she slapped him on the arm again. “All I’m saying is we wouldn’t have gone through this if we were going to leave you high and dry on that stage. Your name may be out there but we’re going through it with you. You are not standing on that stage by yourself, we’re there too. We’re nervous too.”

“Yeah, listen to Papa Gabe,” Lyric said, lightly hip-checking Gabe who snorted at the name. “So no more tears?”

“I’m not crying,” I grumbled, quickly bringing my hand up to check my eyes. “I’m just—“

“Frustwated that you had to expwess your feewings?” Sevvie asked, sticking out her bottom lip. “You’re such a Virgo.”

“Hey, don’t diss my sign!” I said with a snap for emphasis.

“Hey, are you all right?” Justin asked, tapping me on the arm. I nodded and he took my hands, giving them a squeeze. “Don’t worry about the people out there, ok? Worry about doing your best and having fun. That’s all that matters.” He then gave me a hug.

“Awww,” the girls chorused.

“Oh shut up,” I mumbled feeling Justin press a kiss to the side of my head. “Liam, do you mind giving us three more minutes?” I asked, clasping my hands together.

“Just three,” he warned me before rushing off.

“Good, that gives us time to fix your makeup,” Lyric cheered, grabbed my wrist, and tugged me down the hall. She dragged me into the bathroom and quickly put eyeliner and purple eye shadow over my eyes. (“Crazy bright makeup works well under those bright lights,” she explained). Then we got together and quickly said a prayer as Liam helped me get hooked up to the sound system and I put in my in-ears. We were going to start with the dancing stuff first and end it with the more rock oriented songs. Liam decided to do a switch at the last minute and it was the first time I was glad he made a decision before telling me.

“You ready?” Gabe asked, giving my shoulder a squeeze.

I nodded and adjusted my headset. “Let’s rock!”

Gabe grinned and rushed to find the sound system to start the music. Since we were dancing and we didn’t have the full band I needed to go off of a CD but I was going to be singing on top of it. I felt my fingers twitch as Lyric jumped up and down by my side and Codie let out deep breaths. As we took the stage to applause only one thought crossed my mind:

Has anyone ever died onstage of excitement?

 “And I’ll wave goodbye/watching you shine bright./And I’ll wave goodbye…tonight…Thank you,” I said into the microphone as applause reached my ears. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much. I could feel sweat slide down my forehead and my heart was racing from moving around the stage.

The show was going great. The first song, “Liberty Walk”, went off without a hitch. We even nailed the little breakdown with the jump-ropes and the rest of the song, which was filled with robotic movements and moves that would put a step-show to shame, was a great kick-off. We merged to “Round and Round” then “Naturally” and then ended with a cover of Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”. From there we transferred to my rock songs and we performed “All We Know”, “Here We Go Again”, “Brighter”, “Emergency”, an acoustic cover of Loretta Lynn’s “You Ain't Woman Enough”, Bryan Adams' “Summer of ‘69” and Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ On a Prayer”.

At first I hoped the show would go by quickly but now I wished I could live in this moment forever. I loved looking out in the audience and seeing my friends and family dancing and moving and watching intently. Seeing the proud smile on Ben’s face every now and then made it even better.

 “Thank you so much everyone,” I said as I tried to catch my breath. “Well we’ve got…” I looked down at the set list that was taped to the stage. Thank you, Liam. “Two more songs for you guys…” I chuckled when I heard Chris’s and Joey’s over exaggerated groans. “Yeah, I know it’s a crying shame. Anyway, this next song is a faster song, and I’m saving the best for last, so this one is called ‘For a Pessimist, I’m Pretty Optimistic’.”

As soon as the words came out of my mouth Sevvie hit the symbols to count in the song and we were at it again, bouncing around the stage, head banging, and giving it everything we had while I kept a strong grip on my blue microphone. (It started out as a normal black one but I have a “bad habit” of swinging it by its chord. Long story short it went flying and since then Liam had me tape the whole thing and some of the cord in blue electrical tape to make sure it didn’t hit an innocent bystander).

Just talk yourself up
And tear yourself down
You've hit your one wall
Now find a way around
Well what's the problem?
You've got a lot of nerve

So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
You wouldn't

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away
You threw it away

I couldn’t stop the smile that stretched across my face as we moved through the song. They were hitting their notes hard and giving it everything they’ve got. Sevvie was killing it on the drums if anyone thought girls couldn’t play they’d definitely get a wakeup call from her. I was on such a high it didn’t even bug me much that Dad was moving around snapping pictures like crazy while Mike had a video camera glued to his eye.

I'm not so naive
My sorry eyes can see
The way you fight shy
Of almost everything
Well, if you give up
You'll get what you deserve

So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
You wouldn't

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away
You threw it away

You were finished long before
We had even seen the start
Why don't you stand up, be a man about it
Fight with your bare hands about it now

I grimaced and did my best to hide it as we went through the rest of the song. My favorite part and my voice had to crack terribly. I glanced at Liam and he was giving me a thumbs up and smiling a shit-eating smile. Well, ok then!

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay, well did you?
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
And I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away

With the last note that Lyric played we all bowed. I could feel my bones buzzing with every bit of energy I soaked in from the crowd. “Ok everyone; this is the last song of the night. I love you, we love you, thanks for coming out and spending the night with not only me, but with Ben. I’m Mackenzie Charlotte, goodnight,” I said and we went straight into “Pressure”.

It seemed like we all had a new burst of energy with the last song because we gave it everything we had left. I even danced around stage from time to time I was so giddy and into it. Lyric and Codie jumped off of the little monitors on the stage and spun around, managing to avoid each other.

“Some things I’ll never know/and I had to let them go,” I sung, doubled over and rested my arm on my knee, half to get my breath back and half so I didn’t have to look at the dang red light that was blinding me on Mike’s video camera. I continued singing the bridge and straightened up, managing to get in a few words to direct everyone’s attention to Lyric who pulled off a tough flip as we kicked back into the last chorus. “I can feel the pressure/it’s getting closer now/we’re better off without you…” As I sang the chorus I moved over to the side of the stage. As it lead up to the word ‘you’ I put my free hand to my forehead and moved my head as if I were looking for something and pointed right as Lyric took a running leap and rolled over Gabe’s back while they continued to play.

And just like that my time on the stage was over.

I couldn’t wait to do it again.

 “No, no, no! I totally messed up on the bridge ‘Emergency’!” Lyric wailed, tears falling down her cheeks from laughing so hard. “And I was practically frozen thinking ‘tell me no one can hear that’!”

“I screwed up on ‘You Ain't Woman Enough’,” Gabe groaned, spinning the little umbrella that was in his lemonade. “I got finger-tied before the rest of the verse finished. I swore you were going to kill me, Charlie.”

“She would’ve killed you with that drumstick I dropped,” Sevvie sighed.

“I almost broke my neck ‘cause of you!” I said, slapping her knee.

“I know! And the entire time I’m thinking should I get it? I don’t want her to fall. Yes I do, that’ll be funny!” Codie added.

We sat around a circular table recounting our adventure of the night, finally getting peace. As soon as we jumped off of the stage we were surrounded by people congratulating us and giving us hugs and their praise. It practically took the jaws of life to get my guys to let me out of their group hug. And don’t get me started on my mom. I almost drowned from the tears she cried.

The girls gave me a lot of praise. Even Bobbie had something nice to say which practically floored me and the guys all had relatively nice things to say. JC’s and Justin’s comments were sprinkled with criticism, which didn’t surprise me at all. Now the boys and their girls were off somewhere doing…coupley…things. I mean, I get that they wanted to spend time with their girlfriends (aside from Juppy) but they had all tomorrow to do that, didn’t they? Is it a crime to want some of their attention? Lord knows I give ‘em a lot of mine.

 I pushed down my sudden feeling of annoyance with a large gulp of Coke, which meant I’d be up all night bouncing off the walls when all I really want to do is rest my feet, watch a movie, and go to sleep. I didn’t really have a reason to stay anymore, the show was over and Ben had left but I knew Liam wanted me to stick around.

I looked up right as Edwin McCain’s “I’ll Be” started playing. I loved the song but now I wanted to attack the DJ for playing it. Another stab at how I don’t have a significant other to dance with. Just as I was about to hightail it to the bathroom to get away I heard a very loud shriek.

“What was that?” Sevvie voiced our thoughts as we looked at the dance floor.

“Oh mon dieu,” I muttered when I saw that it was Mom who had shrieked and started jumping up and down on her toes. Geeze she was so…hold the phone! I jumped up and pushed my way through the crowd as Mom hugged Mike who was laughing. “You didn’t!” I said once Mike put Mom down.

“I did,” he grinned and mom kissed his cheek. The light from the disco ball practically blinded me as it bounced off of the new rock that was on Mom’s finger. I pushed through the crowd of people who went to congratulate them and found Dad. “Are you ok with this?” I asked him.

He pulled me to his side, hugged me, and kissed the top of my head. “Of course, as long as she’s happy I’m happy.” I smiled. I could feel it in my bones that he meant it. I was beyond glad that Mom and Dad finally found common ground. Being stuck in the middle was not my idea of fun.

“Hey kid, great job,” Liam said and gave me a high five. “You have the day off tomorrow but after that we’re hitting it hard and getting you in front of the camera to shoot your first music video.”

“Say wha?”

“Later.”

“I so hate it when he does that,” I grumbled as Dad chuckled. “No really! He tells me something that I’m supposed to do at the last minute all the time!”

“It’s a good thing you don’t take hours in the bathroom.”

I lightly slapped his stomach. “Don’t side with him!”

“I’m just stating the facts.”

“Who asked your opinion?”

“Doesn’t matter if you ask, I’m always going to give it.”

“Aren’t I lucky.” I scanned the room, marveling at the bright lights that were bouncing around. “I was thinking I don’t have to stay here for the next couple of days. I could go back home with you. I could move the shoot to Orlando so if you ever needed anything I can just quickly get it and—“

“Stop worrying about me. I’m the parent; I’m supposed to worry about you.” He gave my shoulder a squeeze. “You’re growing up too fast.”

I didn’t know if I was supposed to hear that but I heard it loud and clear. I twisted my mouth to the side. I can’t make everyone happy can I? “I’m doing this for you! I want to make sure you’re all better and healthy!” I wanted to yell at him but I kept my mouth shut.

I tilted my head slightly when Gabe showed up. “I called a taxi.”

It felt as if all of my energy went away with the flick of a light switch. “Great, just let me get my things. Night Daddy.”

I was about halfway out of the room when I was stopped.  “There you are,” Justin said happily.

“Here I am,” I replied.

“Where ya goin’? The guys and I were going to hit up this club we’ve been hearing about,” Justin said excitedly.

I stared at him. “Aren’t you a little young?”

He shrugged. “I have a fake ID, no big deal.”

I shook my head. “I’m not in the mood to break the law but you can go ahead.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun. Way more fun than this snooze fest.”

I squinted at him. “Snooze fest?” I repeated.

“Yeah. I mean, come on, there’s, like, a bunch of chaperones everywhere we can’t have any real fun. And ‘sides, you could help me put in a good word with some chicks. Girls do that, right?”

My mind reeled. “Let me get this straight, this whole time you were bored?”

“Well, kinda.” He shrugged. “I mean, I was here by myself and the guys had their dates with ‘em.”

“What about me?”

“I mean, it’s not the same. You’re you and—“

“What’s wrong with me?”

Justin blinked. “Nothing. What’s crawled up your ass?”

“Forget it,” I sighed in defeat. “I’m just a little…overwhelmed.”

The confused look on Justin’s face immediately switched to a relaxed one. “Oh, ok. So, club or no?”

“No.” I started to walk again.

“That’s cool. Let’s do something else.”

“I want to go back to the hotel.”

“But that’s boring,” he practically whined. “C’mon, let’s do something fun.”

“No. I’m tired.”

“Please? We can play some one-on-one. I’ll even spot you five points then maybe you’ll have a chance of beating me.”

That tears it. “Justin! I don’t want to play basketball! I don’t want to go to a club. I don’t even want to go to the freakin’ moon! I just want to do something I want to do for once and go back to the damn hotel!”

Justin was quiet for a minute. “Ok, fine. I think you need some sleep anyway, you’re kinda cranky.” Finally he—“Hey, while you’re there could you do some of my laundry? I have this huge stain on—”

I let out a scream of annoyance and stormed off. I went into the backr oom to grab my things, angrily shoving them into a small bag and stomped back out to where Lyric was waiting for me, bobbing her head to the beat of a song as she chewed on a candy apple.

“Bite?” She asked, shoving the candy into my face. I shook my head. “What’s wrong with you? You look like you lost your best friend.” She laughed a little and swung her arm around my shoulders, leading me to the door.

“I just stood up to Justin, that’s all.”

So why does it feel like a piece of my heart is missing?