“Are you ready to be blinded?” Ben asked as he wiped his palms on his pants as the limo started to slow down. I turned away from the window which I was staring out of for the past twenty minutes and turned to look at him. “There’s going to be a lot of paparazzi. So much that the flash is so bright and constant you’d think that you got hit in the balls.” I cracked a smile and he sighed, obviously upset that I didn’t laugh at his joke. “Are you nervous or scared?”

“Excited,” I replied.

“Yet your tone is suggesting otherwise,” he pointed out.

“It’s just…so much is happening at once I just want to run back home and hide under the covers,” I replied loud enough for him to hear me but quiet enough so the others wouldn’t. Not that they could with the loud music that was bumping through the car and how loud they had to talk to each other to be heard. “I just…I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t like attention yet I’m going after it.”

“Do you want to do this?” He asked. “You could always stop but it would be hard and you’d regret it. I mean, you have so much potential.”

“Acting is fun and I like to sing,” I admitted, trying really hard to resist the urge to bite my painted fingernails. “I just…wish it was going slower, I guess. I mean, I haven’t had time to fully enjoy the process of anything since it’s been pushed and crammed into a short period of time.”

“Let me ask you a question: who are you doing this for?” Ben asked after a couple of seconds of silence.

“What do you mean? I’m doing this for myself, obviously.”

“Wellllll,” he held out the word as he looked at the ceiling. “Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. It feels like you’re doing this for your family, your friends, everyone but yourself. The most important thing about being in this business is knowing what keeps you going and that should be your love for the craft not the feeling that you should do it to make someone else happy.”

“I mean, my mom got me into it,” I said slowly, tugging at my hair and then quickly dropping my hand back into my lap. “The funny thing was that I didn’t like to act when my mom wanted me to. After she backed off it was as if I saw it in a different way.” I paused and let words tumble in my mind. As long as people didn’t pressure me I loved doing what I did. As long as people didn’t pressure me I loved acting, singing, and dancing. The guys constantly say that Justin pushes me around. Does he pressure me or do I just let him get away with having things his way? Do I do that with everyone?

“We’re here, are you ready?” Ben asked, adjusting the red boutonniere that was on the lapel of his jacket. I was wearing a matching one pinned to the giant bow on my dress. “Don’t be nervous. I’ll be right by your side the entire time.”

“What if they ask a question I can’t answer?” I asked, pulling my shoes back on. I had this thing where I hated wearing shoes in a car. I don’t know why but I just hated it.

“I’ll change the subject or we’ll just walk away. Simple as that. Remember, you don’t ever have to answer a question you’re not comfortable answering.” I nodded and gave him a smile. He turned his attention to the door that was opened by the chauffer. He stepped out and took my hand, helping me out of the car. I waved to the others and told them that I’d meet them inside. They got to go straight to their seats while Ben and I had to talk to the press and take pictures.

I then started to tug and pull at my dress as I took a couple of deep breaths to calm my racing heart. As Ben and I walked closer to the red carpet the noise of the photographers and interviewers swept me up in a whirlwind and I wasn’t even able to hear my own thoughts.

“Ben, Ben! Look over here!”

“You two, look this way!”

“Ben, Mackenzie, look over here.”

“This way, this way!”

“Look up!”

“Which way are we supposed to look? My head only moves so much,” I said through a frozen smile as I tried to get my sight back from the flashing lights.

“We’ll get everyone, don’t worry, you’re doing great,” Ben said through a frozen smile as well. I laughed a little and turned here and there when asked and felt completely stupid, I gotta say. I felt like those models on a runway that push their hip this way and that and have a pout on their lips as if they were mad at the world (they should be, I mean I doubt most of them eat judging by how small they were).

After taking a few more pictures (more like a thousand judging how long it took for my eyes to readjust) we went onto answering some questions that interviewers were throwing out at us. Most of them were directed towards Ben, which was fine and dandy with me. My mind was still reeling from the photos that I probably wouldn’t have been able to answer a question in a coherent manner. I felt bad for some of the interviewers because it was obvious that some of them were trying so hard to out-do the others and ask cleverer questions.

“So what is the film about?” The interviewer asked.

“The movie is about a guy named Brady who is in his mid to late thirties who still loves the single life. He still likes to go to bars and have fun; he isn’t ready to settle down. But then one day he finds his daughter, Maggie, in his house and it was the daughter he didn’t know he had from a relationship in his early years of college. So while trying to dodge taking responsibility for her he tries to live his normal life but he realizes he can’t go back to it and he tries to locate his suddenly missing ex to try and fix everything,” Ben replied.

“Also, Maggie and Ben have to learn to live with each other which makes them go through many trials and tribulations since he’s never had to deal with children and suddenly he has to deal with his teenage daughter,” I added.

“Great and what was your favorite part about working together?” The interviewer asked.

“The best part, for me, was working with her,” Ben replied over the noise of the crowd. “Sure, she’s new to the whole thing but she wasn’t afraid to dive right in and ask questions and go over the top and have fun with the experience. We had long days, sixteen hour days, and no matter how late it was she always seemed to have a smile on her face and a great attitude that made the whole experience great for me.”

“Careful, you’re making my head swell,” I said with a little laugh. “My favorite part was…being able to go to him with anything. Like, I had a question about a scene, or how to work something out, or if it was just wanting advice about my personal life I knew I could talk to him about it. We really bonded on that set, putting us as the father and the daughter in the movie was a great move because I feel the bond we had off screen can easily be seen on-screen and the viewers will know that…it’s more real than fake, so to speak.”

 “Most importantly, why should people see Father and Daughter? What about the film makes it stand out against the others?” An interviewer asked, practically shoving his microphone up my right nostril. I had a better idea of where to shove it…

“People should see this movie because it’s a great movie that could inspire families to talk about situations that teenagers have been in or could be in. It’s a great movie for kids to see to help them be able to talk about their parents’ divorce if they had to go through that. It could prompt parents to talk relationships, drinking, dating, and growing up. This movie not only a dramatic but it’s great for a family to see together,” I replied, making sure not to fidget my hands to scratch at something or to pull at my hair (I have the weirdest nervous habits).

We did interviews for a few more people and then were whisked inside, meeting up with the director who showed us to our seats. Ben sat next to his girlfriend, Gwyneth Paltrow (who looked amazing with her short bob) and I sat next to my daddy who kissed the back of my hand and smiled at me in that special way dads know how to do. On the other side of him were Mike and Mom and the row behind us sat the guys and their girls.

As excited as I was to be there it suddenly became very aware to me how weird it felt being the only one there without a date. Technically Justin was my date but seeing everyone else being all lovey-dovey and couple-y got to me. I never really cared before but I’m almost seventeen all ready! Where’s my damn boyfriend?

I let out the breath I didn’t know that I was holding and slumped in my seat slightly as the director talked about the movie a bit more and the lights finally dimmed. It sucked that they didn’t allow food in. Now, why we couldn’t have anything to drink or eat was beyond me. Did people in Hollywood really eat less than the rest of us or is it because they didn’t want to be caught by the paparazzi with a nacho cheese stain on their dress? Some people’s priorities are as twisted as a pretzel.

As the movie went on the smile on my face got bigger every time the audience laughed at a joke or Dad squeezed my hand in a silent way of congratulating my acting. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and sighed when I noticed the way his cheek bones stood out against the bright cinema light. He had looked better earlier but now he looked…old and so tired and so weak. I wished that I could just take the cancer out of him myself; I hated what it was doing to him.

I looked over at Ben who had nudged me and lowered an eyebrow at the weird smile that was on his face. He nodded towards the screen. I turned and laughed little, recognizing the scene instantly. It was the scene where Maggie needed Brady to take her to the store to get female products.

Brady, being really uncomfortable with the situation, tried to make light of it by joking if she needed the super size loud enough for most of the shoppers to hear. In retaliation Maggie grabbed a box of sized small condoms when he wasn’t looking, slightly damaged the bar code so the cashier would have to ask for a price check with the other cashiers on hand.

The movie finally ended with a still shot of Brady and Maggie laughing at the dinner table, which faded to black and then had credits rolling over it. I let out a long sight of relief and then was hit with the reality that that part of my life was over. Sure, there was a chance that I could do another movie but you couldn’t redo your first one and I wished I could do it all over again.

Ben and I lightly nudged each other when our names rolled on screen and I heard my mom let out a soft “aww” when she saw the name I had chosen for my “stage name”. I knew I would forever have to deal with misspellings and mispronunciation of my name if I went with Desrosiers so I chose my “stage name” as Mackenzie Charlotte, it flowed and it was a way of thanking my mom for putting up with me.

We stood and bowed to the applause and then (slowly) made our way to the lobby where we were congratulated and praised on our work. I thanked everyone and made sure to keep a smile on my face when really all I wanted to do was go back to the hotel room, change into my pjs, and eat ice cream until my teeth rot.

“Mack, you were awesome!” Justin said while hugging me tight. “I loved every minute of it.”

“You’re supposed to say that,” I said as I managed to get myself out of his grip.

“Don’t be so modest! You were great!” Justin said as he punched me on the arm. “Oscar worthy even.”

“Don’t get carried away,” I said with an eye roll and then changed the subject. “The movie’s over. We should be getting ready for the party. I don’t know about you but I plan on stuffing my face with so much junk I puke all day tomorrow.”

“Now that’s what I like to hear! Let’s hit it.”

“I’ll meet you there, I have to get massive amounts of hugs from my mom and dad first,” I said as I shoved him a bit. “Tell the girls to meet me in my hotel room.” I turned and made my way through the crowd to reach my mom and dad who were standing with Mike by the promotional poster.

“So, what’d you think?” I asked, bouncing over to them.

“I think you were the bomb,” Dad replied with his lopsided smile.

“You were amazing, sweetie,” Mom said while hugging me tight and made a light tsking sound with her tongue. “My little baby’s growing up.”

“Mom!” I hissed, looking around to make sure no one heard her. “Please, not in public!”

“Oh, look at that Philippe, our daughter’s suddenly embarrassed by us,” Mom said in amusement as Dad laughed a little.

“I fail to find the humor,” I grumbled. “Did you really like it? I mean there was that one scene where I didn’t think my tears were convincing and I mumbled a lot and some of the movements didn’t make sense with the character’s motives and—“

“And you need to stop being so hard on yourself, Kid,” Mike interrupted me with a laugh. “You were great. Amazing. Radical even. Stop picking yourself to pieces.”

“It’s the curse of a Virgo,” I said with a shrug. “We’re our own worst enemies.”

“Go on and go to your party, we’ll meet you there,” Dad said, turning me by my shoulders and pushing me away.

Time to party!

~*~*~*~*~

“Girl, hurry up! I can hear the party from here!” Kelly yelled from the other side of the bathroom door.

“Just one more second!” I called back, tilting my head to straighten my hair at a better angle. Walking out in the L.A. humidity with wavy hair eventually made me look like I stuck my finger in an electrical socket. I put the flatiron down and looked at my outfit from every angle: a white t-shirt with Mickey Mouse in the middle, dark jeans, purple converses, and my mom’s old red headband from the 80s. “Ok, let’s go,” I said walking out of the bathroom.

“You’re going to your party dressed like that?” Dani questioned.

“Yeah. It’s a party, Dan. There was no way I was going to wear that dress to the party,” I said as I dropped on the floor and retied my shoe laces again. “Liam is using this premier after-party as a single release party as well. Don’t worry, he talked with the officials and they’re fine with it. Anyway, he said he wants me to perform some stuff, give the audience an idea of what I sound like and to make sure I’m not fake and there is no way in this freakin’ world I was going to jump around that stage in a dress.”

“Just askin’,” she said as she held up her hands.

Danielle closed her phone. “That was Lance. They’re all ready at the party and everyone’s waiting for your grand entrance. They said they want you and Ben to walk in together.” She then walked over to the door and paused when she looked down at the ground. “Hmm, you’re really popular today,” she commented, carrying a bouquet of white roses into the room.

I blushed when I saw the flowers. Really, the attention was starting to get to me. I knew I was asking for it when I decided to go along with this but could people talk about something else for a change? Like Ben’s next movie or something. I wasn’t even going to be in the country for the next couple of months so they didn’t really need to know what I was doing.

I took them from her and looked at the flowers, slightly confused. The flowers were my favorite, but not many people knew that. Hell, Justin didn’t even know that white roses were my favorite. I put them down on my bedside table and pulled out a card which simply read: Good luck tonight and have fun!

“No name?” Kelly asked, looking at my face.  I shook my head. “Maybe you have a secret admirer.”

“Or a stalker,” Codie said offhandedly.

“Well…if he’s good looking…” I muttered, tapping my chin. Kelly gaped at me and I laughed. “Don’t worry, if I ever got a stalker my foot would be up his ass in less than three seconds.”

“That would be counterproductive if it turned him on…” Dani commented off handedly.

“Ew.” I made a face and put the card down. “Ok, let’s roll.”

As we got into the car I could suddenly feel all of the Cokes I drank surging energy through my system. I could barely sit in my seat, which egged on Lyric’s hyper-activity. I was practically bouncing off of the walls by the time we pulled up at the hall that would hold the party.

Ben laughed when he noticed how hyper it was and said that it was good that I was running on sugar ‘cause I would need the energy. We took a lot of pictures and then went into the party which was rockin’. The room that we were using was like one of those large ballrooms. The lights near the back of the room were up all the way so people could talk and eat but the lights on the other end were dimmed, almost completely dark so people could dance with strobe lights and a disco ball.

“Wooooow. This place is off the hook,” Sevvie commented, taking a look around the room. “Ooh! Chocolate fountain!”

“Everybody, get out of my way,” Lyric laughed, racing with Sevvie over to the dessert table.

I laughed at their enthusiasm and went with the girls to a table where they put down their things to mark their places. I looked around and spotted my mom and dad and rushed over to them. “So, you crazy kids had enough of the racket yet?” I asked with a laugh. Dad swatted at my arm.

“Who do you think we are? Senior citizens?” Dad asked.

“You’re pushin’ forty,” I pointed out, dropping in a chair next to Mom who gasped.

“Forty’s not old!”

“Depends on who you’re asking.” I playfully poked her in the cheek. “Soooo?” I held out. They looked at each other. “You’re not going to give me some big spiel about rules while on tour? No smoking? Drinking? Drugs? All that stuff?”

“You’ve had a good head on your shoulders for the first sixteen years of your life,” Dad explained. “It might’ve been backwards sometimes”—I smacked him on the arm—“but you always knew what you were doing. Now, if you want us to send Aunt Abbey with you—“

“No!” I practically yelled. “Don’t get me wrong, Abbey’s great as hairstylist and a great aunt but if she were my chaperone…let’s just say she’d chase off every boy in a five mile radius.”

“Good,” Dad said sternly.

“Of all the years to be worried about me and boys why do you pick this one? You didn’t care before,” I pointed out, half amused and half surprised. Even Mom looked surprised. Never before has he voiced his opinions whenever I talked about someone of the opposite sex.

“You weren’t shoved into the eye of millions of boys on the planet before,” he shot back.

“Waddya mean millions?”

 Before Dad could answer my vision was blinded by a bunch of long, and golden curls and my senses were attacked by sweet smelling perfume, which could only mean that it was Lynn.

“I’m so proud of you, baby girl!” Lynn said happily, wiping at her eyes. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me,” she muttered, air-fanning her face.

“Happiness,” Mom replied.

I felt a half smile take over my face and realized how many people seemed to be hovering around my table as if waiting to say something to me. I watched them all like a hawk. I could feel my skin start to prickle. You know that feeling when you’re being watched. Intensify that and then you got me. I was ready to jump out of my seat. If Mamaw were here she’d say I was jumpier than a jackrabbit in a snake pit.

Picture after picture. Chatter after chatter. I don’t mean to sound rude or anything (especially since people went to great lengths for this whole thing) but I would like some time to myself to actually breathe and think!

“There you are!” Justin said as he suddenly appeared by my side. “C’mon! Come dance with me!”

Thank God!

Justin eagerly pulled me onto the dance floor which was filled with men and women of all ages dancing to a swing song from the 50s blasted over the system. I guess they asked around to make sure they played the music I liked. It felt weird, everyone trying to please me. It wasn’t like I was going to turn into the Hulk if I didn’t get my way. I laughed when Justin spun me around before clasping both of my hands and did his best to keep up with the beat and the pace of the song. Justin has always been a smooth dancer but for once he actually looked out of his element. It was a refreshing sight.

As Justin spun me around again I looked around the room, laughing when I saw that Dani and Chris were swinging each other around and dancing crazily, not noticing the odd looks they were getting from the others on the dance floor. Lance was doing his best with the song but it was obvious that it wasn’t his cup of tea. But he had a big smile on his face as he danced with Danielle so that made up for it. Joey and Kelly were talking to some people by the DJ table and JC and Bobbie were nowhere to be found.

“Wait, wait!” I cried out, suddenly noticing what Justin was about to do. “Don’t dip me! Don’t!” Justin had an evil gleam in his eye, pulled me towards him, and the next thing I knew my world was flipped upside-down. “Oh God!” I grumbled when I my stomach turning. My head snapped forward as he brought me back up and laughed as he let me go. I stumbled slightly and held my stomach. “Ugh, don’t do that again.”

“For a dancer you’re such a wuss,” he kidded over the loud music, elbowing me in the side. I bumped my hip against his and knocked him away as another familiar song came on.

Jitterbug, Jitterbug…

I laughed again when Justin swung his hips in an Elvis-like manner with each jitterbug that pierced the air. He grabbed my hands and we started dancing again. He sang along with the song as we danced and moved around the room and through the crowds.

“You put the boom-boom into my heart/You send my soul sky high when your lovin' starts
Jitterbug into my brain…” Justin sang easily.

“Yeah yeah,” I sang and then jumped in with him on the next part, our voices being lost in the song.

“Goes a bang-bang-bang 'til my feet do the same/But something's bugging you/Something ain't right/My best friend told me what you did last night/Left me sleepin' in my bed/I was dreaming, but I should have been with you instead…”

The colors around the room blended and swirled. My heartbeat matched the rhythm of the song. A big smile split across my face as did Justin’s. I missed having this much fun together and now it was going to be cut short as we went our separate ways…

“I wanna hit that hiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh!” Justin screeched before the song started to fade out. I slapped his arm and hugged him. “Hey, I gotta do something but I’ll be back in time for your big show, okay?” He told me, straining to be heard over the music.

I nodded and then went in search for someone to talk to. Before I even moved ten spaces I was grabbed at my elbow and yanked back onto the dance floor. “Wha…Joey! Give a girl some warning next time!” I commented while we moved in line to join everyone else to dance to the “Electric Slide”.

“Sorry, I gotta grab ya before your big debut,” he replied as we shuffled to the right. “I would’ve preferred a slow song but this one is good as well.”

I rolled my eyes and cross-stepped to the left before clapping with everyone and stepping backwards. “You could’ve asked.”

“With that vice grip J had on you, he wouldn’t have let anyone cut in,” Joey responded as we rocked forward and touched the ground twice before doing a kicking side step. “See, I can see his finger marks on your wrists.”

“Haha.” I rolled my eyes again even though he couldn’t see it. “Those jokes are getting old. And speaking of jokes, where’s Jace?” With another kicking-turn we now faced the back of the room where Chris was stuffing what looked like pretzel rods under his top lip.

“Getting harsh with the teasing, there.”

“Not my fault if he can’t hack it.”

“He disappeared somewhere with his mystery lady.”

“Ah, so it wasn’t just me who thought she was odd.”

“Nope, Chris thought so too, and that’s saying something.”

I nodded and looked around the room, grinning when I saw my mom and dad dancing to the song as well. Mike was sitting down in a chair, watching them, his eyes shining. “So what do we really know about her?”

“She works for a magazine and is dating JC, that’s basically all we know,” Joey responded.

“Hmm. JC’s not one to date someone as secretive as he is. It takes the fun out of poking fun at him.”

“For someone you claim to hate you sure give him a lot of attention.”

I turned my head to notice a sly smile on his lips. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, it’s just an observation.”

“Uh huh.”

“So, are you ready for your big show?”

“As ready as I’ll ever get.”

“You’ll do great standing there on that big stage, the single spotlight falling on you, and showcasing your talent to the world.”

My lip twitched slightly at his words. It just hit me that I’d be up on that stage.

Alone.

By myself.

Alone…

I was jostled by the dancer next to me when I didn’t move in time to the song. I quickly apologized to Joey and gave some lame excuse of needing to meet with my band before rushing off. I was close to getting to the doors to my escape when I felt a hand clamp on my shoulder. “Liam! Now’s not the time!” I commented once I realized it was him.

“Now don’t embarrass me. We have the people from JIVE in the house as well as some…er…test subjects if you will. Some people we brought in specifically to see if you’ll be a winner or a flop.”

“A flop!?” I repeated.

Liam shrugged as he whipped out his PalmPilot and jabbed at the screen with the little sick. “You never know, kids these days. Fickle minds, ya know.”

“You’re the one who’s all ready planning on me getting into the studio again,” I pointed out. “You must have some faith in me.”

“Oh, I do. But you have to listen to the kids’ demands, right?” He responded, his attention obviously not on the conversation. “Oh, and good luck,” he added with what was supposed to be a reassuring smile before walking away.

And there go the butterflies.

“Are you ok?” Lance said as he put a hand on my shoulder. “You look sick.”

“No, I just—“

I jumped and clapped my hands over my ears when a loud squeal went through the sound system. A wave of murmurs went through the crowd and I looked up to see Justin tapping the microphone. Oh boy. “Sorry about that,” he quickly apologized, his voice causing all other conversations to stop. “Hi. For those of you who don’t know I’m Justin, the best friend to our star here. Well, one of them…the young one…”

“Oh mon dieu,” I grumbled, shaking my head.

Justin grinned and cleared his throat. “Anyway, growing up with Mack, or Mackie as I used to call her, was a treat in its own. I got to see her go from a small, shy girl with big ears—“ I glared at him and he merely smirked in response—“grow up to a small girl with a big heart and take on any challenge that was put in front of her. Hell, I remember her chasing Trace and I around the yard mad that we wouldn’t let her play with us. But, like now, whenever she puts her mind to something she found a way to do it.

“I got to see her achieve her dream of being on a champion dance team, get blue ribbons in a few horse shows, and eventually become a choreographer having to deal with a bunch of annoying guys like us.” He paused to laugh and the audience tittered. Lance nudged me and gave me a big smile which I half-heartedly returned. “Going from a dancer, to a movie star, and now a recording artist simply proves that she can do anything she sets her mind to and I’m proud to call her my best friend. I’ll always be behind her to support her many endeavors and I’ll always be her number one fan. So here’s to you, Mack. Now come up here and show us all what you’re made of.”

“Huh?” I mumbled when Lance elbowed me. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me as applause filled the air. Liam was motioning for me to take the stage. Ben lifted his glass as if toasting me and grinned. Proud smiles formed on Dad’s and Mom’s faces. And all I wanted to do was run.

The next thing I knew I was being yanked through the crowd and to the side of the stage by Lyric who was practically shaking by how much sugar she ate. Gabe, Sevvie, and Codie were all ready waiting by the side of the sage once Lyric got me there. We grasped each other’s hands and Gabe quickly murmured a prayer but  I didn’t hear it. A strange buzzing filled my ears. Or was it my rapidly beating heart?

They took the stage and got their instruments ready while Justin jumped off it. Liam appeared out of nowhere, shoved a microphone in my hands, and basically told me not to blow it. I could hear the band start the intro of the song but it was muted compared to the sounds going off in my head.

“Mack? What’s wrong?” Gabe’s lips moved but I couldn’t hear him.

I could see the looks on Gabe’s, Lyric’s, Codie’s, and Sevvie’s faces as they stopped playing their instruments. I could hear the murmur of the crowd as if it were white static in my ears. I knew I had to go but my feet wouldn’t move. I couldn’t move.

“I…I can’t do it…” I whispered.