James, his lavender button down highlighting his perfectly coiffed,

McDreamy-inspired blond do, intercepted me as soon as I stepped off the elevator, looking concerned. I shook my head before he could speak and just said, ‘Emergency office meeting now!’

           The ‘office’ is actually an ancient file storage closet Jen happed upon one day when looking for the bathroom. Since no one uses it anymore, we discreetly began to move things around, adding a small couch, a minifridge, and a little TV to watch our soaps when no one’s around, we even had someone come change the locks after hours, so no one else could enter. The office is like our little slice of paradise where we go when our bosses push us just a bit too far, like when Jen’s boss muttered ‘She should know how to make a decent cup of tea. Isn’t that what they drink in China?’( Jen, who’s not only of Korean descent, but was born and raised in Seattle, has spat in every single drink she’s made him since.) And it was ten minutes later in the office that I found myself trying to convince my friends that I wasn’t out of my mind.

‘Guys, stop laughing, I’m serious! I spent last night with Justin Timberlake! I did not imagine waking up next to him this morning and I am NOT ON DRUGS!’

Jen and James’ laughter slowly died as they realized that I was serious. They looked at each other and then back at me with concern.

‘Em, when you show late for work with leaves in your hair and your shirt on backwards, what am I supposed to think?’

I looked down at my burgundy blouse and realized that the V-neck was definitely on my back. Strike one. I stood and started to pace, annoyed that my supposed best friends think I’m nutty as a fruitcake.

‘What are you, the fashion police? Look, I got dressed in a cab this morning, sorry I can’t meet your stupid dress code,’ I took a deep breath to calm my temper. ‘I’m sorry, it’s just… why the hell don’t y’all believe me?!’

James grabbed my hand and petted it soothingly, ‘It’s not that we don’t want to but, well honey, I know for a fact that when I left home last night you were in sweats, hugging a bowl of popcorn, and crying at the Notebook. I just can’t understand how you jumped from that to fucking a sex god.’

‘ I know it sounds crazy, but I was just sitting there watching them fall in love and it just hit me that, you know, I could be out there finding my Noah Calhoun, so I went down to that club, the one Tina in Accounting’s brother bounces at, and just let loose. The last thing I remember is some guy trying to send me a drink, but I sent it back.’

Jen interrupted, ‘See, that’s exactly how I know something’s wrong with you. Never turn down a free drink, that’s the first thing I taught you.’

‘I know, but you also told me not to take drinks from creepers. And when the bartender pointed out some creepy guy with long blonde hair and huge sunglasses… it was midnight! You know I don’t trust people who wear shades late at night. So, I just told the bartender to send it back and say ‘Thanks, but no thanks.’ And the next thing I know, Poof! I’m in Justin’s room.’

Suddenly it hit me that I still had his phone. I pulled it out and hit send twice to pull up the recent calls, ‘Look.’

James and Jen looked at me again, then peered down at the tiny screen and scrolled down, ‘Jess, Mom, Trace, Mom, Mom, Trace, PR, Mom, Diddy –‘

They gasped at the same time and looked up in wonder.

James stared, ‘Diddy as in P. Diddy as in Puff Daddy as in Puffy as in Sean Combs? That Diddy?!’

Jen whispered, ‘Sweet mother of God….you did it. You slept with Justin –Makesmewetterthanafirehose- Timberlake.’

‘Eww, Jen. TMI.’

James chuckled in disbelief, ‘She sleeps with Adonis and still acts pure as the Virgin Mary. I can’t believe it.’

‘Yeah, well it happened, so now the question is how do we get this back.’

Jen held her hands up and shook her head.

‘Whoa. Whoa. Are you trying to gloss over the fact that you slept with the Justin Timberlake. You now have information that MILLIONS of people would pay good money to know and his cell phone to prove it. Spill it, woman! What was it like? What did you do? Did he have a big – ‘

‘Jen! Well, the thing is … I don’t remember anything. I remember the bar and dancing, then that’s it. I dunno where I met him or how we got back to his place. And I do NOT plan on exploiting the man’s life! It’s just not right!’

Jen jumped up, eyes feverishly bright, ‘Emma, think about it, we’d be rich! We could pay off all our bills and we could move out of that shitty apartment! I could act full time, James could, you know, do whatever it is he does (James shot her a dirty look. He was an artist who specialized in ‘modern views of abstract objects’. I don’t get it either, I just look at giant purple phalluses and nod in approval), and you could write full time! And all it takes is a phone call to People. Come on, stop being Ms. Propriety and start being Ms. Prosperity!’

I swear, sometimes I don’t understand that woman. I mean, all though writing full time would be nice, I can’t ruin someone’s career or marriage over that! Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I’m an aspiring writer of children books. Yeah, I know, your first reaction was ‘awww’ right? But you’d be surprised what type of blood-thirsty business it is! Some people would sell their own granny for a decent publisher, its cutthroat madness! Anyways, Jen was right. I could make some serious cash, but I wouldn’t want a ruined life on my conscience. And so what if I was Ms. Propriety? I mean, as the only offspring of a former English barrister and the only three time winner of Miss Black Georgia, what else could I be? I practically came out of the womb with tea gloves and crumpets. Since, moving to LA, I’ve changed a little, but you can’t just reverse 18 yrs of training like that.

I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to reply when the phone rang making my mouth to dry up like the Sahara in July.

I looked up at James who vigorously shook his head, then to Jen who was silently screaming, “NOO!!!’. I looked down at the phone on its third ring and made a decision. Letting out short burst of air, I hit the speakerphone button, and answered in my professional voice.

‘Hello!’

‘Hello? Is this the crazy bitch that jumped off my balcony this morning and stole my shit?’

Aw fuck…