‘Don’t worry, sweet pea. It’s going to be fine.’  

I looked up at Daddy with a pout. It is not going to be fine. I’m his sweet pea. I’m supposed to be his only sweet pea. Now she was going to ruin it. Daddy won’t pick me up and spin me anymore. He won’t let me go to work with him anymore. He’ll forget all about me then he won’t even love me anymore.

 His bright blue eyes stayed fastened on the airport gate, waiting for her, my new ‘sister’. But she’s not even my sister, she’s Aunt Mary’s daughter. Mommy and Daddy told me she’s going to stay with us from now on since Aunt Mary was sick. I had met Aunt Mary once. She smelled like peppermints and lemons and had red hair, just like Daddy. 

I look down at the blue carpet with the little airplanes on it, blinking past the tears in my eyes. Mommy squeezed my hand and leaned down to kiss my cheek. 

‘Mommy, I don’t want a new sister. I only want you and Daddy.’ 

She leaned back and looked in my eyes, ‘Emma, your father and I will always love you. No matter what happens. But Lily needs us right now and we’re family. You remember that. You always help family. Now what are you?’  

I sniffed and straightened up, ‘A lady’ 

‘And ?’ 

I sniffed again and wiped my eyes. ‘Ladies don’t cry in public.’ 

‘That’s right sweetie, now smile. You’re getting a new best friend today.’ 

I looked down and nodded.

 After a few minutes, Daddy pointed, ‘Look, Viv. There she is.’ 

A little girl walked out of the gate next to the flight attendant. Her yellow dress stood out at odds with her bright red curls and freckles. She saw Daddy and ran over smiling. 

‘Hi, Uncle Will!!!’ 

‘Is that my Lily? I haven’t seen you since you were a wee little thing. And look at you now, a little lady! Come here, poppet!’ 

Daddy let go of my hand and swung Lily up in his arms for a hug. I stared at my empty hand in dismay and then looked over at the both of them. She looked just like him. She had the same hair, the same eyes, and even had Daddy’s funny accent. My eyes traveled to my own caramel skin and curly brown hair. Everybody would think she was his daughter and not me. She was going to replace me. Daddy would forget about the Barbie Dream House he promised to get me for my eighth birthday and Mommy would start taking her to tea parties instead of me. Soon, nobody would even notice I was there.

 Daddy set Lily down and, after giving Mommy a hug, she came over to me

 ‘Hi, remember me? I’m Lily.’ 

I looked up at Mommy who squeezed my hand and nodded. ‘Hi.’ 

She turned and reached into her bookbag, pulling out a white pony with bright pink hair. 

‘Here, her name is Rainbow. She’s my favorite. We can share her though. That’s what sisters do.’ 

I felt a slow smile cross my face in response to her brilliant smile, her green eyes crinkling at the corners. 

I watched in confusion as Lily’s wide, green eyes slowly began to fade and transform into a pair of deep blue eyes located a couple inches from mine.

‘EMMA!! EMMA!!! Oh my God, oh my God, oh my – Em, can you hear me? Emma?’

As soon as I opened my mouth to answer a wave of pain and nausea hit me, eliciting a groan.

Justin cried out, ‘Oh thank God’

My world turned on its axis as he yanked me up from the floor into a sitting position, so he could wrap me in his arms. My cheek stung slightly at the sudden onslaught of his 5 o’clock shadow rubbing against it and his breath tickled my ear as he whispered, rocking back and forth.

‘It’s going to be okay. Thank you, Jesus. Oh God, you’re going to be fine. I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry. It’s going to be fine. You’ll be fine.’

And for a split second, everything stopped. I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly, relishing in the warm, strong circle of his arms. God, he gave good hugs….

I inhaled, taking in his scent. He rarely put on cologne, so he just smelled like, well, Justin, and it smelled intoxicating. Weirdly, there was another smell attached to him, vaguely familiar, kind of metal-y ... Oh shit, was that…

‘Blood? ’ I managed to croak out.

He pulled back.

‘What? You’re going to be okay, baby. You’re going to be fine. I promise.’

Though he sounded like he was telling the truth, his eyes told a different story. I dropped my gaze from his baby blues and turned to look down at the cream carpet, now turned a deep scarlet by blood… my blood. I felt my eyes roll up in my head before blackness claimed me yet again.

  I burst into my house, dropping my bookbag at the bottom of the stairs before speeding up to Lily’s room and throwing open her door.  

'He asked me! He asked me!!!!’’ 

Lily, who’d been sleeping, turned her head towards me, her eyes still closed. ‘What?’ 

‘He asked me!!! Devon asked me to homecoming! EEEEEEE!!!!!!’ 

Lily’s eyes popped. ‘WWHHHAAATTTT!!!!!!!’ 

‘I know! I was standing at my locker and then all of a sudden, he comes up to my locker and takes off his Oakley’s -'

'Oakleys? Are you serious?!?!’ 

‘I know right? They must have cost like a million dollars at the mall!! Anyways, he takes them off and he’s like, ‘Hey Em, wanna go to the dance next week?’ 

‘And what did you say?’ 

I started laughing, ‘I did just what you told me too. I was like, ‘Hm, I’ll think about it and get back to you.’. Cool as a cucumber.’ 

She broke out into laughter. ‘That my girl!’ 

‘I know! You should have seen his face!!  Oh my God, I can’t believe I’m going with Devon to homecoming!!!  I’m so excited!!! ’ 

Lily turned to me, smiling, ‘You know we’re going to have to get you a dress!'

'I know! Oh my God, we can totally double date!!’ 

Lily had already been asked to the Homecoming dance two weeks earlier by two seniors, even though she was only a junior,  a feat completely unheard of at James K. Wallis High School. 

‘Yeah, once I pick a date.’ 

‘Go for Scott. He’s funny, he’s hot, he’s on the soccer team, and he’s gets like straight As.’ 

Lily nodded in contemplation, then shook her head. ‘ That’s true, but Derek and I make a cuter couple, plus his hair  will totally go well with my dress.’

 I laughed and turned to look at her beautiful, dark green dress that complemented her long, auburn tresses. Only Lily… 

‘Hey, run downstairs and grab the dress catalog so we can find you something to make you as pretty as I’ll be.’ 

I smiled and threw a pillow at her before heading downstairs. I walked downstairs and grabbed the catalog off the kitchen counter, pausing in front of my parent’s bedroom door as I heard a choked off sob. 

‘William, no…’ 

My father, sniffed and cleared his throat, ‘Yes the doctor - the doctor said she was stage 2.’ 

‘But Will, she’s only 17. They must’ve messed up, she’s too young…she’s just a baby ’ 

‘No Vivian. That’s what...that’s why her mother…Mary had it too…’ 

‘No, I just can’t believe - ’ She broke off with a sob.

 I imagined my father hugging her as he whispered, ‘Shhh shhh. The doctor said she’s doing remarkably well for the how far along she is. And she’s young, that puts the odds in her favor. She’ll make her way through it, God willing. Shhh, there now.’ 

My mother sniffed, ‘Jesus. Oh my Jesus, how are we going to tell her, Will? How can we possibly…How are we going to tell Emma? God, they’re attached at the hip and now, oh my God…’ 

The catalog made a loud smack on the floor as I slowly backed away from the door, shaking my head. No, no, no, no…That’s not… The door opened and my father caught  me just in time to avoid my head hitting the floor... 

A deep, shuddering cry poured out of my mouth as I opened my eyes.

We had buried Lily a week before her senior prom. She was 18. I hadn’t cried at her funeral, nor after. It was like I had just shut down. It took six months of therapy for me to speak again and another two years before I could say her name out loud. Even now, her memory enveloped me…

‘Ma’am? Ma’am? Can you hear me?’

I blinked my blurry eyes and focused on a woman in a dark blue polo.

‘Ma’am? I need to ask you a few questions, ok? Are you allergic to any medications?’

I shook my head, causing my vision to spin.

‘Do you have any history of disease in your immediate family?’

‘No. I - what happened? Where am I?’

‘Looks like you fell and hit your head, hun. You’re going to need a few stiches ok? Right now we’re in an ambulance heading down to St. Augustine Medical Center. Ma’am?’

I whipped my head to the side, taking in the IV in my arm and the various equipment in the back of the ambulance.

I felt my heart begin to pound in my chest. Hospital…no, I don’t go to hospitals not after…

I saw Lily, a bright yellow scarf covering her head, at odds with her pale skin. She’d stopped the chemo, but the nausea and vomiting continued, leaving her thin and fragile.

I shook my head, my breath rushing in and out of my lungs. No, I didn’t want to go to the hospital.

‘Ms. Porter, you’re going to have to calm down, honey. Take a deep breath with me, okay.’

I continued to shake my head, ‘No hospital. Please, no hospital’

‘Emma, sweetheart, you really need to calm down, ok. Please. Take a deep breath.’

Her words fell on deaf ears, as my vision started to swim. My mind kept flashing back to the funeral, the condolences, the quiet whispers in the hallway as I passed. No, not again…

The EMT gave a sigh of frustration and injected a small vial of liquid into my IV line.

‘Alright, sweetie, you’re gonna get real sleepy now. You’re going to be just fine.’

Almost immediately, I felt my heart begin to slow and I floated off into darkness.

----------------------------

Justin stood in a trance, watching the EMTs roll Emma down the hall and onto the elevator. At the soft ding of the closing doors, he snapped out of it, then ran for the stairs. Halfway down the hall he was intercepted by Trace.

‘Whoa, where do you think you’re going?’

Justin pushed him off only to be grabbed again, this time by Steve, his head of security.

‘What the fuck! Let me go! They’re going to leave, man!’

Justin struggled again Steve, but it was like trying to move a brick wall.

‘Justin. Justin! HEY!’

Justin stopped moving and looked at Trace.

‘What?’

‘Dude, you can’t ride in the ambulance with her.’

‘Why the fuck not?  If I leave now I can still catch them.’

‘No, Justin! Look, you know who you are and you just can’t jump out of the back of an ambulance with blood on your hands behind an injured employee. People would start thinking things…’

‘Who gives a fuck what they think man? I gotta go…’

‘No, Justin you don’t. Trust me, man. You would hurt her more by going. She’d be on the cover of every major magazine by Tuesday and you’d be called the next Chris Brown. ’

‘I don’t care what they – Trace, it’s my fault, man. It my fault she has to go to the hospital in the first place.’

‘Come on dude, you don’t know that.’

‘Yes I do! I’ve been a complete bastard to her for the like last two months, man. I don’t let her sleep, she’s always running around doing stupid shit that I should do myself, and it’s all my fault. I didn’t even want to do it anymore, but she wouldn’t give up and I wasn’t going to lose and - ’

‘Hey, hey. This is something she needs to hear, not me. Now, we need to go so we can meet her at St. Augustines, so she’s not alone when she gets there, ok?’

Justin took a deep breath and nodded before heading to the car.

Two hours later, he sat in a chair next to her bed, worried. She wasn’t awake yet. The doctor said she’d gotten a light sedative, but still, they’d gone through the ER and transferred her to a private room at his request, but she remained asleep through the whole thing. He thought back to what she’d looked like on the night they met and compared it to now. He looked at the bags under her eyes, the paleness of her skin. Even in her sleep she looked so unhappy. Guilt gnawed at his insides as he saw what he had done to her.

Despite all that, though, she still had this ethereal beauty about her. Justin reached out to touch her face, his hand hovering over her cheek for what seemed like forever before his conscience got the better of him. He withdrew his hand and took a deep breath before resting his head on the bed next to her arm.

‘It wasn’t supposed to be like this,’ he whispered before closing his eyes and thinking of the night they’d met.