26. Liar
Come on, come on, get off the phone
Please come home
It’s been so lonely since you’ve been gone
“Devin, please come visit,” I pleaded. This was the seventh time I’d called and asked her to come back since she left two weeks ago. “Please.”
“Justin, I can’t. I just don’t have the time,” she denied, citing the same excuse for the seventh time.
“You don’t have time to come to Vancouver for just one day?” I began shooting my first movie the day before, so yes, I was stuck in Vancouver for a little over a month. “Not even a few hours?”
“Not even a few hours,” she sighed. “Usher’s album comes out in less than a week and we’re all about to be insanely busy.”
“Devin, I don’t like that guy. He’s been talking shit about me left and right just to promote his stupid album.”
“Yeah well, he wasn’t too happy over the conversation he overheard that day,” she scolded me. “Besides, he hasn’t said anything that bad.”
“Yes, thank you for your defense here.”
“I’m not trying defend anyone. I’m comforting you.”
“No, you’re really not.”
“Well hey, if you couldn’t say anything nice, you shouldn’t have said anything at all, Justin.”
“Yeah, tell him that,” I shot back. “Whatever I said to you was personal and he doesn’t have grounds to go talking shit about me just ‘cause he didn’t like what I said. He’s tryin’ to start one of those dumbass musical rivalries that make no fucking sense.”
“Justin, if you have the foresight to notice that, then why don’t you be the bigger person and keep your mouth shut?” she suggested.
“‘Cause I don’t want to.”
“You’ll be glad you did when he looks like a dumbass ‘cause you didn’t say anything in retaliation.”
“I “ I guess that’s true,” I realized. “Kind of.”
“It is true. And if you don’t wanna do it for that reason, at least do it for me. I don’t wanna lose my job ‘cause you two wanna be immature fools. So please, don’t even think about putting me in the middle of your crap.”
“I would never do that,” I interjected. A few more seconds of random thought and I added, “For you, I’ll keep my mouth shut.”
“Thank you.”
“If,” I began to say, “you come and see me.”
“Justin, I told you I don’t have the fucking time to come visit you right now,” she snapped back. “What part of that don’t you understand?”
“All of it!”
“I’m busy!”
“So, you’re just not gonna come see me on the set at all.”
“I didn’t say that,” she denied softly. “I just can’t do it right now.”
“Fine,” I sighed.
“What are you doing on the 23rd?”
“Probably working,” I stated obviously. “Why?”
“Because, if you get the time, maybe you can come and see me instead of me having to shake up people’s plans for me to fly out there.”
“Well“.”
“‘Cause you’re at a place where you can make your own schedule,”she continued to explain. “I can’t.”
“I’m on a movie set with Morgan Freeman and Kevin Spacey. I think it’s safe to say that I’m probably the least important person around here.”
“Aww, humility looks good on you,” she chuckled in a rare lighthearted moment for us.
“So, will you please“.”
“Justin, you have to stop. Just stop it.”
“When are you gonna be done with him,” I started to whine. “When will you be done for good?”
“I dunno.”
“I know you can’t say for sure, but can you ballpark it?”
“Sometime near the end of June,” she answered coldly. “I’ll go with him on his tour in Europe and that’ll be it. I’ll come back and we can work on us, okay?”
“Fine.”
In a condescendingly mother-like tone, she furthered, “Does that work for you, sweetheart?”
The licking of my lips evolved into a smile and I nodded into my phone, wishing that she could see my content. “That works for me.”
“Okay.”
“So, I won’t see you until June?”
“No, I’ll come see you before I leave for London “ we’ll...um, we probably need to talk.”
“Talk about what?” I chuckled lightly. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah.” She seemed frazzled all of a sudden. “I gotta go, though, so call me later.”
“I will,” I nodded. “I love you.”
“Bye.”
Engulf, surround me, up and down me
Be all around me, baby I can’t breathe no more
“I dunno, Justin. I think you lost this round,” Cameron giggled, finishing it off with her big grin. “I think I’ve finally beat you at something.”
“Whatever. I never liked Monopoly anyway,” I pouted, staring at my wad of cash that had dwindled to two hundred bucks.
“Oh yeah, that’s why you begged me to play.”
“I did no such thing, Cameron.”
“You totally did, buddy.”
“I absolutely did not.”
“Yes, you did. You were all gung-ho about the whole game until I didn’t ever land on Park Place.”
“That’s because you were cheating!” I maintained. “How is it possible to go around this board seventeen times and not land on it once!”
“Everybody knows Monopoly is a game of luck.”
“Whatever.”
“Why do you think Park Place costs so much? The odds of landing on it are pretty low,” she explained, seemingly elated that she finally knew something I didn’t know.
“I’m really not giving a fuck about whatever you’re talking about,” I sighed.
“Don’t get salty,” she laughed, kicking me underneath the kitchen table.
“Then don’t get cocky,” I shot back.
“Oh, then maybe I should just leave until my cockiness wears off,” she suggested, rising from her seat.
“Oh, sit down,” I instructed with a dismissive tone.
“No, we agreed that if I was bothering you that I’d completely disappear.”
“Cameron, sit down. You’re not bothering me.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes!” I snapped.
“Sorry,” she said quietly.
“I mean... I just don’t want you to leave,” I added, softening my tone considerably. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine,” she grinned. “I know you got issues, homie.”
I innately frowned in slight annoyance, but sometimes, I just couldn’t help but laugh at her stupid ass. “That’s putting it mildly,” I chuckled.
“Geez, dude, when are they supposed to call you to the set?”
I shrugged. “When they feel like it.”
“It feels like we’ve been sitting here for hours.”
“That’s because we have.” Five, to be precise.
“I’ve never had to sit in my trailer this long.”
“That’s ‘cause you’re the star of all your movies, Cam.”
“Oh... Yeah...” She did the big laugh and jokingly hit her forehead. “Duh, Cameron.” Yeah. Duh. “Well you’re certainly the star to me.”
“You’re too good to me,” I smiled, rolling my eyes exaggeratedly as I threw my lack of money to the middle of the board..
“I don’t even think that’s possible.”
As I was about to reply with something saccharin sweet, a knock at the door shook me out of my concentration on her. “I guess it’s time to go back to work,” I sighed, lazily heading for the door.
“Finally.”
To my surprise, when I swung open the door to my trailer, there stood Devin. At least, I thought it was Devin “ with her hair now straight and its original jet black color, a pair of Gucci shades covering her designer eyes, and a shimmering gold purse clung to her shoulder, also Gucci, of course. “Hi,” I hesitantly greeted her, taken back by her new appearance.
“Hey,” she smiled, opening her arms as she shifted up the few steps to reach me.
“Hey,” I repeated. I wrapped my arms around her tall frame and inhaled the coconut scent of her new hair “ she even got herself some bangs. I didn’t know what to make of all this newness. She didn’t look like my Devin.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, pulling up her shades.
As she did that, I noticed some new ice frosting her wrist. “What’s this?” I questioned, linking my index finger into her bracelet.
“Oh, just a little gift from Usher,” she waved off.
“Why is he giving you gifts?”
“He gave one to all his female dancers.”
Oh, I bet. “So, I guess Gucci is your new best friend now.”
“It’s just some shit I picked up in New York,” she dismissed, walking past me to enter the trailer. “Nice place you got here.”
“Thanks,” I answered, following behind her, halfway wondering where Cameron had disappeared to so quickly.
“Are you okay,” she asked suddenly. “You seem a little rattled.”
“No, I’m fine. Just kind of surprised to see you.”
“Well, I figured if I was gonna come out of the blue, it would be cooler if I surprised you,” she grinned. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too,” I smiled, squeezing her hand. It was then that I noticed she still wore her birthday ring, leaving me thankful for that at least. But... “Where’s your necklace?”
“What?”
“The necklace I gave you for Christmas. Where is it?”
She grabbed the bare spot of her chest where her necklace would normally land and smiled sympathetically. “I’m sorry “ I got sick of taking it off whenever I performed, so I just leave it off now.” Lucky for her, Cameron retreated from the bathroom just as I was about to yell at her. “Hello,” Devin greeted her, surprisingly politely.
“Hey, Devin,” she shot back, even more shockingly civil.
“How have you been?”
“Pretty good, and you?”
“Same,” Devin nodded.
“Cameron,” I interjected, “could you excuse us for a while?”
“But I didn’t even do anything this time,” she rebutted childishly.
“No, it’s not you. We’d just like some alone time,” I explained simply. “I’m sure Rob would take you back to the hotel if you want...”
She seemed a little disappointed, but she easily obliged. “Okay. Yeah.”
“See you later,” Devin concluded as Cameron searched the small space for her jacket and purse.
“I’m gonna go help her find Rob,” I told my girlfriend before the two of us disappeared out of the door.
“She looks really different,” Cameron randomly noted as we trudged out into the movie lot.
“She does,” I agreed, digging through my pockets for my cell.
“Did she gain weight?”
“Cameron.”
“No, I’m serious,” she guffawed. “I’m not being mean “ her face just looks bigger to me.”
“Well I didn’t notice,” I mumbled.
“Maybe it’s her hair.”
I wanted to say, ‘Whatever,’ but “Yeah” somehow escaped my lips instead, as I heard Rob pick up the phone in my ear. “Yo, Rob“”
“Yeah?” he answered.
“Yeah, I’m right outside my trailer. Can you come and take Cameron back to our hotel?”
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah. Devin just got here and we’re gonna chill.”
“I got you. I’m on my way.”.
As I shut my phone, I looked over to Cameron, who seemed to be in a permanent state of misery and I suddenly felt guilty about the whole ‘Can you leave now?’ thing. “You gonna be okay?”
“Yeah,” she grinned lazily. “Just a little tired, I guess.”
“If you don’t wanna leave now, you could hang around the set if you want. Maybe the three of us could go to dinner in a little while?”
“No,” she chuckled. “You just enjoy your girlfriend. She’s all you’ve wanted for the past two weeks.”
“Okay,” I nodded, a little taken back by her declination. “Yeah. You’re right.”
“Obviously,” she tossed back.
“Hey, when do you start shooting that movie again?”
“Next week. Why?”
“Just... wondering,” I decided as I turned back to my trailer. “I um... I’m gonna go back.”
“Yeah, I don’t want her to come out here and beat me up.”
“Cameron,” I reprimanded, once again.
“Sorry.”
We stood silently for a few extra moments, her picking at her dark red nail polish while I played with the antenna on my cell phone. “Yeah, I’m gonna go.”
“Okay.”
I weirdly and awkwardly escaped the Vancouver chill of 6PM, not to mention, Cameron’s sad face, and headed back into my trailer, where Devin rested on the couch, coincidentally playing with her French manicure. I quietly took a seat beside her and gazed at her placid expression. “Thank you for finally coming out to see me.”
“What better to do with my weekend off than to come and visit my boyfriend,” she stated dryly.
“I was wondering where you’ve been. I called you like four times yesterday.”
If I don’t pick up the phone like I used to for you
Don’t you take it personal
“Sorry. I’ve been hella busy,” she shrugged.
“You know you said that same shit a year and a half ago when you were ignoring my ass,” I recalled.
“Well, that’s ‘cause you were annoying. You’re my boyfriend now.”
“This,” it occurred to me, “is true.” I made a rather bold, and yes, stupid, move and reached for the button of her jeans before a hard slap on my wrist stopped me. “What? It’s been over a month now.”
If I don’t do all the things that I used to do to you
I ain’t mad at you
“So... What’s it like shooting a movie?” she questioned, very unsubtly switching subjects.
“It’s like shooting a music video for two months. What the hell is up with you?”
“What do you mean?” she feigned ignorance as she hopped up from the sofa, showing me that her True Religions were staying buttoned this evening.
“I mean why are you acting so awkward?”
“I’m just... not in the mood.” She was totally and very obviously lying.
If you get to feelin’ stressed up in your chest thinkin’ that you about to lose
Baby it’s true
“Are you mad at me for something, Dev?”
“No,” she frowned. “No, I’m fine. Everything’s fine.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah.” She smiled meekly and sat back down on the couch. But on the end opposite from me.
“Are you pissed because Cameron was here?” I guessed.
“No, I’m sure she just showed up out of the blue as she usually does.”
“I um “ I actually called her,” I dumbly professed. “I got bored up here without you.”
“Mmm...” She didn’t seem fazed.
“I’m sorry.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure,” I raised my eyebrows and scratched through my bushy hair. “What’s up?”
“You know how you told me you didn’t kiss Cameron at the Super Bowl?”
She still hasn’t let this shit go after two months? “Yeah,” I sighed.
“That was the truth, right?”
“Yeah,” I lied for the third time since February. “Why?”
Nodding slowly, she leaned over on the couch and grabbed her purse, speaking softly as she dug through it. “I don’t really ask a lot of you, Justin. At least, I don’t think I do. The only thing I’m yearning for is your honesty here. For the past four months, that’s what I’ve begged for,” she explained, still concentrated on her shiny bag. “I thought maybe you were finally getting it lately “ that I just want an honest relationship. I thought you were doing better.”
If you don’t know, now you know you’re gonna miss my love
And I ain’t stressin’ bout a doggone thing
‘Cause I was true when I gave you my love
“Okay, you want the truth,” I tried to interrupt. I can do this. “The truth is that“.”
“Please,” she cut me off. “I think two months is ample time to own up to your shit “ especially something as trivial as a kiss after we’d gotten in a fight. I tried to make it easy on you. I tried to be calm, give you time...” She pulled a small stack of papers from her purse and handed them to me before setting her bag to the coffee table in front of us. “But I refuse to be in a relationship that continually disappoints me.”
“Devin, what are you doing?”
“Breaking up with you.”
Her admission hit me like a ton of bricks, square in the jaw. I couldn’t imagine that she’d come all this way just to drop a bomb like this without any warning beforehand. “Are you kidding?” I tried to chuckle, but it came off more like a cough.
“April Fool’s Day was yesterday. This is real shit, Justin.”
“Because of this tiny little white lie?”
She snatched the papers from my grasp, unfolding them and shoved the images residing on them against my face. “Look!” she shouted, slamming the papers into my cheek. “Look at your lies!”
“Dev“.”
“This is you lying to me, Justin! Repeatedly!”
“I’m sorry!”
“It’s too late!” she screamed in my ear. “It’s too fucking late.”
If you think I caught a feeling when I heard about that other chick
The papers, each containing frames of Cameron sitting on my lap throughout the game and a couple of the two of us indeed kissing, was pretty damning evidence. I glanced at the entire page from top to bottom, seeing that she’d printed the pictures from the internet. That damn JJB. At the bottom of the paper, across from the web address, sat the date, telling me that the pictures had been printed on February 3rd. She’d known for two months.
I already knew about it
“All this time...” I marveled.
“Yes. All this time.”
“Why did you wait so long?”
I just needed time just to clear my mind and ask myself
Why I didn’t handle it
“I wanted to be there for you. I wanted to give you time. I didn’t wanna just give up over something so immensely trivial, but God, you’re killin’ me, dude. You made something so insignificant just... huge, and I can’t let you keep doing this to me. Not when so much has changed.”
“What’s changed?”
“I found happiness outside of you. I found what’s right and I learned it was you that was wrong.” She sighed and shook her bangs out of her eyes. “My future cannot be full of this bullshit you wanna hand me.”
There’ll be no more stressin’, no more cryin’, no more tryin’
I would rather be alone
‘Cause this valuable heart of mine was yours until I realized
Finally opened my eyes
“I can change,” I started to plead. “I don’t even know why I lied.”
“You lied because you’re a liar,” she bit back.
“I made a mistake! Why can’t you forgive me for that?”
“Because I made a mistake,” she exhaled, looking directly, staring intently into my eyes. “You.”
“I know you’re mad, but you don’t have to insult me purposely.”
“Truth hurts,” she stated bluntly, pulling her shades down over her eyes. “In all honesty, we’ll never be completely done, Justin; which is probably what pisses me off most about you, but I really can’t find it in myself to be in love with a liar.”
“So... we’re pretty much over?”
She nodded slightly as she regathered her purse and pulled off the ring I gave her, dropping it gently in my free hand. “Pretty much.”
If you don’t know, now you know you’re gonna miss my love
And I ain’t stressin’ ‘bout a doggone thing
‘Cause I was true when I gave you my love
“For what it’s worth, I really am sorry.”
She’d been on the verge of tears for about two minutes now, and at that moment, the dam broke and her cheeks flooded with her sadness. “I am, too.”
If you search you will never find another love like my love
You’re gonna miss me
I ain’t got time while you sit around and play with my love
As evening dwindled to dark, I finally made my way back to my hotel, where I knew sleeplessness would invade the rest of my night. Life was seriously hurting at this point and all I wanted to do was spend the remainder of it in a deep slumber. If only.
As I moved through the lobby and towards the elevators, my mind viciously replayed my last few moments with Devin, leaving me to hate myself for not taking that last opportunity to tell the truth. At the same time, I couldn’t believe she was so vile as to set me up like that. But thankfully, reality came crashing into that nightmare when I found myself knocking on Cameron’s suite door.
“Whoa, I didn’t expect to see you anytime soon,” she grinned when her door went swinging open. “Trouble in paradise?”
I could fight my tears, playing the avoiding game if I had to, but I couldn’t hide the truth. I couldn’t change the fact that I was utterly hurt by losing Devin and after half a glance at my face, Cameron was in on my dirty little secret, too.
Her gaze softened and her voice radiated alarm, covered in sympathy. “What’s wrong?”
Still, no words would come, but I fell pitifully into her embrace and watched my tears drop to the shoulder of her pink t-shirt. In a swift, nurturing move, she brought me into her room, closing the door behind us and allowed herself to be shaken by my sobs.
“Justin, talk to me, buddy. What’s going on?”
“She broke up with me,” I sighed, finally sobering up a little.
“I’m so sorry,” she told me, tenderly rubbing her hands over my back. “I’m sorry, man.”
Yeah, I doubt she cared, and she was probably a little happy about it in her head, but she was there and she was in the midst of doing her best to comfort me, so I had that to be thankful for. “She said she couldn’t be in love with a liar.”
“Wow...”
“I can’t believe I messed this up so bad,” I sniffled.
“Don’t do that.”
“And I can’t believe I keep crying like a little bitch every time I think she’s over me.” I tried to stop and tried to start wiping my eyes, but more tears would just come and make the whole ordeal even uglier.
“It’s okay to cry,” Cameron reassured me. “It’s fine.”
“I hate it.”
“But it’s okay.”
“It’s not okay,” I shot back. “It’s not.”
“It is, Justin.”
“It’s not. It hurts.”
“No, she hurt you,” she countered. “Your tears are just your way of cleansing away all that pain she inflicted on you.”
“It wasn’t her. It was me.”
“You have to stop blaming yourself, kid. Life is so much bigger than that. It goes on.”
We finally moved from our stance in the middle of the floor and sat at the edge of her queen-sized bed. “I don’t wanna move on without her.”
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t.”
“You’ve got me,” she optimistically suggested, still rubbing my back.
“But I don’t want you; I want her,” I retorted in an absentminded moment of too much honesty.
She let her hand drop from my back and her gaze from the side of my face. “I see.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“No, I know what you meant,” she sighed.
“I’m sorry.”
She got up from the bed and headed right back for the door we’d just retreated from. “You know, Justin, I think you should go.” I’m sure I looked at her like she was out of her mind, because she nodded and repeated herself. “Yes, I'm actually saying that you should leave.”
“Cameron“.”
“Listen, we said if I was bothering you, I’d leave you alone. So give me that same courtesy, please.”
“You’re serious?” I asked, standing up.
“I’m sorry.” She looked down, holding the door open for me. “Go get yourself some rest. You look like you need it.”
“Yeah, thanks,” I shot back coldly as I whisked myself into the hollow hallway.
Before the door slammed shut, I heard her mutter, “Liar.” So I guess I could add her to the ever-growing list of women that were sick of my shit.
I need some sleep, you can’t go on like this
I tried counting sheep, but there’s one I always miss
At that point, I felt so incredibly abandoned, and therefore fucked up, that I didn’t know which way was up anymore. I didn’t even know what direction my hotel room was in. So I wandered the hallways aimlessly, barely searching for what looked as though it could play the temporary part of home for me.
Everyone says I’m getting down too low
Everyone says, ‘You just gotta let it go’
Eventually, I made my way to the sixth floor of the Sutton Place Hotel, where my grand suite awaited my reentry. Man, I would’ve given just about anything to have Trace there to drink the night away with, but if there’s one thing I learned in my short time on this Earth, it was how to have a perfect party for two: me and Jack Daniels.
I need some sleep
Time to put the old horse down
I’m in too deep and the wheels keep spinnin’ round
As my tired body crouched to the floor of my suite’s kitchen, directly in front of the mini-bar, I managed to make out the sound of my phone ringing. It was that Stevie Wonder song, so I knew it was my mama calling, which meant that she probably knew about Devin, which meant that I wasn’t about to answer it. No, not even mama could help me out of this one. I’d fallen too far for even home to save me.
Mikey was gone; Devin was gone; Cameron was about as close to gone as she’d ever get. Yes, even she was abandoning me. I thought, if anything, I’d at least have her to make it through with. I figured her laughter would keep me company. After all, she was the one that told me to laugh my way through life. I just didn’t notice that somewhere down the line, she stopped laughing. And it was my fault, no doubt. My fault. Everything about those three women being gone screamed being my fault.
Everyone says I’m getting down too low
Everyone says, ‘You just gotta let it go’
But fuck it. I had a party to start.
You just gotta let it go...
Lyrics:
“Wasted Years” - Maroon 5 (Friday the 13th Live DVD/CD)
“If” - Destiny’s Child (Destiny Fulfilled)
“I Need Some Sleep” - Eels (Shrek 2 Soundtrack)
Story Tags: daddyj friendsturnedlovers interracial boyfriendj love angryj tourj
