16. Save Me The Last Dance
The rigid heat of late-August in New York had turned my patio lunch with my parents to a miserably sweltering ordeal that sent us packing before we could even finish. Frustrated as I was that I didn’t get to eat, it was probably a good thing, considering the nervousness I’d been harboring about the approaching evening. All I wanted to do was lay in bed until it was time to leave for the VMAs. Unfortunately, my... accompaniment wasn’t going to let that happen.
As soon as I walked back into my Royal Suite at The Ritz, there was Cameron, grinning and talking as only she knew how to do. “I’m so excited about tonight,” she announced, trailing me on my slow saunter to the bed. “My outfit just arrived. You’re gonna love it,” she squealed, causing me to wince. She watched me fall into the plush coverings of the mattress with an elongated sigh. “Justin, what’s wrong?”
“I... wanna throw up,” I mumbled into my pillow.
“Is it the heat? What did you guys have for lunch?”
“I didn’t eat lunch,” I informed her, repositioning so that I could see her face. “It was too hot outside, they didn’t have anymore room inside, and I just didn’t feel like eating.”
“I’m sorry.” She crawled onto the bed beside me, beginning to comfortingly rub my back as I laid there, accepting her good-intentioned hands. “You want me to order you some Saltines and ginger ale?”
“Gross. Hell no.”
“It’s good for nausea,” she defended. “I think that’s what it is...”
“I’ll be okay,” I softly replied. “It’s just nervousness.”
“You’re nervous? Why?”
I turned over on my stomach, kicking off my Nikes as I spoke to her. “I’m nominated seven times. That’s a lot of fucking pressure.”
“You know you have at least one in the bag “ you said it yourself.” She gazed down at me with smiling ice blue orbs. “You’ll be fine.”
“One award out of seven really isn’t that great of a statistic,” I countered.
“It’s better than zero.”
“This is true,” I agreed with raised eyebrows. “I still feel like shit, though.”
“Well, hey, I’ll be there to hold your hand every step of the way.”
“You will?”
“Of course,” she grinned. “Where else would I be?”
“You’re going?”
“Of course! I wouldn’t miss this night for the world!” She offered me a laugh that quickly diminished to a nervous chuckle once she took notice of my facial expression. “You did plan on me being your date, didn’t you?”
Actually, I didn’t plan on having a date. I planned on sitting with Devin since she was gonna be there anyway. “Well, you never brought it up, so I just assumed you didn’t wanna go.”
“Why would you think that I wouldn’t want to support you, Justin?”
I sat up completely just as she turned away from me, letting her long legs fall over the side of the bed and bow her head to a sulking position. “I just thought “ you know, I’d see you at my set tonight at Roseland; we hung out at Suede last night. And I just... I guess I figured that was enough for you.”
“I’m not trying to monopolize your time, if that’s what you’re thinking. I just wanted to be there for you.”
“But you don’t have to be. Because you’re here.” Cheesy line, I know, but she goes for shit like that.
She turned her head, resting her chin on her slender shoulder and gave me half of her million dollar smile. “So, who’s that extra seat for then?”
“What extra seat?” I tried to feign ignorance.
“While you were gone, they sent up a copy of the seating chart.” She got up from the bed and headed for the dining room where an overabundance of gift baskets full of free shit were quickly filling up my suite. Once she reappeared from the chaos of the growing goodies, she handed me an opened envelope and a folded sheet of paper. “This is what they brought up here.”
Lazily gazing into the envelope, I proclaimed, “You’ve already opened it, I presume.”
“I had to, just in case it was urgent.” She smiled at her bullshit answer and went on to say, pointing at the paper with a fuzzy layout of my immediate seating area for the night, “There’s three tickets there. And an open space beside you.”
“Well, the tickets are for my parents and Trace,” I explained.
“Then why aren’t there three seats open next to you?”
“Because they’re not sitting with me,” I answered, growing restless with her mindless interrogation.
“So who is sitting with you? That’s my question!”
“I don’t know, Cameron.” I sighed and rolled off of the bed to head for the kitchen. “Why does it matter?”
“Because I talked to your friend, Devin, and for some reason, she thinks she’s sitting with you.”
I immediately stopped in my tracks and turned around to glare at Cameron. “You talked to Devin?”
“Yup. She said something about... your voice-mailbox was full; she was on her way to rehearsal?; and... oh! She lost her cell phone, so if you still wanted her to sit with you, you’d have to find her in Christina’s dressing room before she show started.”
Perfect time to lose your phone, Devin. “I see...”
“So, is she why I can’t be your date?”
I know, I know. My life would be so much easier if I would just stop lying. And it’s always the little ass, insignificant shit I lie about that gets me into trouble. “Cameron“.”
“I know I’m not your girlfriend or anything,” she quipped, interrupting the nothing that I had to say in defense, “but as your friend, I think I deserve the little respect it requires to tell me the truth.”
“I’m“.”
“I’m not asking for much,” she continued. “Just the truth. If you’re not going with me because you wanna go with her, then just say it.”
“I’m not going with her,” I lied again. I know. But my fucked up ego just won’t let me be in the wrong all the time.
“Save it, Justin. Technicalities aren’t getting you out of this one.” Her California-tinted voice contained a seriousness that I wasn’t used to hearing from her. “You may not be going with her, but you’ll be there with her and that’s the bottom line.”
“No, the seat is for Trace.” That spur of the moment decision just might get me an ass-kicking, courtesy of Devin’s foot, but I couldn’t just stand there while Cameron lectured me. “I guess we all must’ve forgotten that plans were changed.”
“What?”
“Well... since she’s gonna be dancing twice in one night, I would be sitting next to a seat-filler for half the show. And I just didn’t wanna do that, so I gave her seat to Trace.” So it wasn’t my best lie. I bet it’ll get me out of this conversation.
“Justin, what are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about Devin. She was gonna sit with me, but she’s dancing with Christina tonight and then she’s an extra for Beyonce, I believe. So with her being out of her seat so much, they’d seat me next to one of those seat-fillers. And since I hate seat-fillers, I gave her seat to Trace. And she’s gonna sit with my parents.”
Cameron’s mouth sat slightly ajar as she seemingly tried to untangle the web of lies I’d just created for her. Eventually, as she slowly began to nod, she seemed to have put her own pieces together with a realizing, “Ohhh, I see,” to match.
“You get it?”
“I got it,” she grinned.
Thank God. Maybe now, I could rest in peace until the pandemonium of the night could take over.
‘Cause it’s my night
No stress, no fights, I’m leaving it all behind
No tears, no time to cry
I’m making the most of life
“Justin!” my mom called to me for perhaps the ninth time in the past fifteen minutes. “Baby, we have to go. Now.”
My mind knew that we had to leave “ in fact, we were fifteen minutes past having to leave. But unfortunate for all of us, my stomach told me that I was so nervous, I had to vomit. “Just a minute, mom.”
“Baby, we don’t have a minute. What the hell are you doin’?”
The manager in my mother was taking over and starting to get on my goddamn nerves. “Ma!” I whined.
“Well, are you okay, at least?”
“I’m fine.” I stared myself down in the wall-to-wall mirror, internally scowling at the total mess I was. I don’t know why I pretended to be all right. The truth was, I was a wreck. Not only about the night, but about life. With every passing day, I became more incapable “ or perhaps unwilling “ to love, and the few things that I did love, I managed to ruin. I missed Mikey. I wanted Devin. I wanted Cameron gone. But none of those aspects would change because I was too much of a bitch to open my mouth and say that this life wasn’t what I wanted.
And so, just staring at my own face became a painful reminder of the downward slue that my supposedly perfect life had taken. My inadequacies had begun to follow me around like a bad dream and today, of all days, I awoke to my nightmare, my inevitable reality, and I just didn’t wanna deal... But I had to.
With a sigh that could’ve shaken the entire hotel, I ran a warm washcloth over my face, a quick glance over my lackadaisically shaven goatee, adjusted my charcoal gray and silver tie and opened the bathroom door to a room full of people that had no idea of just how fucked up I was. Sad as it was, this was supposed to be my hugely happy night, so I put on my grin and convinced myself that I could fix everything before the night was over. Somehow.
“Where’s my baby?” I demanded with a smile, strolling into the suite as if I had not a care in the world.
“Summer’s changin’ her in the other bathroom,” Trace informed me, handing me my suit jacket.
I looked down at him, having not really noticed his situation before that very moment. “Dude, what the hell are you wearing?”
As if his hair weren’t bright enough, my boy was decked out in this light gray suit with a bright ass pink, white and lavender shirt underneath; and he had the nerve to top it off with some matching suspenders. “What? You don’t like my suit?”
“You look like an Easter egg.”
“What you talkin’ about,” he scoffed. “This is pimp shit right here.”
“You both look very handsome,” my mother interjected, walking up to me to fix my already perfect Windsor knot. “I’m so proud of you for putting on a suit.”
“I ain’t wearin’ those shoes you picked out,” my belligerence shot back, showing off my black and white Air Force Ones to the room.
“I wouldn’t expect anything less,” she grinned, kissing my cheek and then wiping the remnants of her lipstick. “You talk to Jailyn; we’ll be in the car, okay?”
I gave her a childlike nod before she and my dad scurried out of the door in front of Trace, leaving me with the eerily quiet presence of Cameron while we waited for Summer and Jailyn to retreat from the restroom. “You gonna be okay?” I asked her meekly.
“I’ll be fine, dude. I’m always fine.” A smile erased her serene expression as she made her way towards me to offer a weak hug. “I’ll see you at your show tonight, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So hey, kick ass tonight for me. I’ll be cheering you on from right here.”
I hated to hurt her feelings like this. She had this incredible way of making me feel guilty by smiling in the face of adversity. “Are you sure you’re all right?”
“I’m fine.” We both turned to see Summer emerging from the other side of the room with the closest thing I had to perfection enveloped in her arms. “You go do your daddy thing,” Cameron encouraged. “I’ll see you tonight.”
“Tonight,” I repeated, walking adamantly towards my baby as Cameron exited the room. As I received her from Summer, I said to her, “Thank you for coming up this week. You don’t know how much I appreciate it.”
“I know you’re busy,” she smiled. “It’s easier getting to New York than it is to California, so I was glad to do it.”
“Once the tour is over, we’ll have to work out something,” I commented, leaning against the expensive wood of the dining room table. “You shouldn’t have to take all the trips.”
“No, but if you’re out in public with her, you’re bound to get caught. And you know how I feel about that.”
“I know...”
“So it’s best if I bring her to you,” she finished. “At least until she’s older.”
Again, I nodded, unable to say what my heart was thinking. I was always walking on eggshells with Summer, due to the fact that I treated her like shit throughout the duration of her pregnancy, so I shut my mouth in almost all situations regarding Jailyn. “I can’t believe she’s almost six months.”
“They grow so fast,” she seemed to agree. She pulled out one of the table’s chairs, sitting below me and staring up at the back of Jai’s head. “Are you excited about tonight?”
“More like nervous.”
“Nervous? Why?”
“‘Cause I’m weird,” I decided with a shrug. I stood there, knowing I had to go, but so desperately wanted to stay there with my daughter, clung to her perfect innocence; maybe in hopes that some of her would rub off on me. From what I could tell by the way her eyes slowly closed and barely reopened, I figured Jailyn wasn’t really in one of our conversational moods, which is why I hadn’t said anything to her. I just loved to look at her. “I guess I should get outta here.”
“She’ll be here in the morning,” Summer tried to comfort me. “Go do your thing.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” I told Jailyn, although intonation turned my statement into a question. She didn’t answer, but batted her little brown eyelashes when I kissed her forehead. “Wish me luck.”
“You don’t need luck,” Summer grinned, taking our daughter back into her arms. “Just have fun.”
That was the least I could do.
It’s a special occasion
A cause for celebration
I ain’t gonna let nobody’s drama bother me
The show was finally, thankfully coming to a close “ not that it had been especially bad, or anything “ but I was just ready to go and get that fucking camera dude out of my face. But, just to temporarily escape him for the umpteenth time that night, I headed for the bar, hoping to make it back to my seat before the commercial break ended.
I’d ordered my second rum and Coke of the night and was waiting for the bartender to complete my order when I felt a pinch of my ass and a whisper in my ear. “Congratulations, baby.” I spun on my heel to find Devin grinning back at me.
“Thank you,” I beamed back, leaning in to give her a quick hug while simultaneously trying to inconspicuously check her out in the accentuating black dress she had on. “Congratulations to you, too. You were awesome out there.”
“You saw me?”
“Of course I did. Obviously, I knew your spot with Christina, but it took me a minute or two to find you with Beyonce.”
“Oh yeah, with all forty of us.” She chuckled and wiped imaginary sweat from her brow. “It was fun, though.”
“I could tell you were having fun.”
“How ‘bout you? Pimpin’ it with your three awards! I’m so proud of your ass.”
I offered a cheesy grin, finally receiving my drink from the bar. “So, what you doin’ after the show?”
“Whatever,” she shrugged. “A few of the girls and I were gonna stop by your show and then take it from there.”
“Oh, girls night out, huh?”
“Why? What you doin’?” she smirked.
“Well, I have a show, obviously; after that, it’s anybody’s guess.”
She grabbed the red plastic cup from my hand, taking an unsolicited sip and handed it back to me. “Well, I don’t have a phone, thanks to Miss Christina“.”
“What did she do?” I interrupted curiously.
“I dunno. I let her use it during rehearsal this morning and she managed to ‘misplace’ it in the fifteen minutes I was gone.”
“Damn.”
“Yeah, so I don’t have a phone. But if you wanna save me the last dance tonight, I can be back in my room by 4:00.”
Nodding, I finally took my own sip of my beverage and gave her a wink. “Will do.”
It feels like somethin’s heatin’ up
Can I leave with you?
After my show, and subsequently, successfully ditching Cameron without too many hurt feelings, I found myself at Jay-Z’s club, 40/40. When Pharrell told me to stop by, I knew I should’ve just declined, but that was one of those moments I’d told Cameron about “ I just can’t say ‘No.’
But anyway, I was there “ had been for almost an hour. And, it didn’t suck or anything, but I knew I was only in for trouble. “Justin Timberlake!” I heard loudly behind me when I walked into what I thought to be the empty cigar VIP room.
I turned to find a seemingly wasted Beyonce laid across the back couch of the room, still decked out in her shiny ass Versace coatdress from the show, smiling back at me with a martini glass glued to her hand. “Sorry, they told me this was the only empty room left upstairs.”
“It’s okay,” she encouraged, turning down the television she’d been watching. “Come sit down, baby.”
“I don’t wanna disturb you,” I smiled sheepishly, beginning to turn around.
“Boy, if you don’t come sit down.” She sat up straight, reclaiming the shoes that were scattered over the cushions. “I ain’t seen you in forever.”
“I know...”
“I was startin’ to think you forgot my number,” she chuckled, eyeing me when I took a seat next to her.
“Well hey, you’re the one that’s been cavorting around town with Sean Carter,” I joked.
“That don’t mean you can’t call.”
“I didn’t know what was goin’ on.”
“Or, you were just too busy with, what’s her name? Cameron Dias?”
“Diaz,” I innately corrected her. “But no, that’s not what I’ve been doing. Just been busy workin’.”
“Oh yeah, you had your tour this summer. How did that go?”
As I answered, she suddenly rose from the couch to walk toward the door, locking it with the key she had hidden in her pocket. “It’s going well,” I nodded to myself. “We had a little drama a couple of weeks ago with the stage, and then there was the blackout... But it’s been good.”
“Glad to hear that.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m startin’ my tour in Europe at the end of the year.”
“Really?” I had to pretend to sound excited. It’s not that I didn’t care “ I just wanted to get out of there before I got into some shit I couldn’t get out of. Namely, Jay-Z walkin’ his ass up in there. “You kicked ass tonight, by the way.”
“Thank you,” she beamed, sitting back down. “You don’t know how nervous I was.”
“I can imagine. At least you had a hit song on your side,” I told her with raised eyebrows. “The VMAs was my coming out party.”
“It paid off, though. Wit’ your three awards tonight?”
I nodded, smiling. “You got three, too, right?”
“Did I?” She wrinkled her nose adorably, pondering my few words. “I guess I did,” she finally realized with a giggle. “Sounds like that’s our lucky number.”
I laughed, remembering my other dealings with things involving three within the past month. “I guess so.”
Turns out, that wasn’t all that was lucky for me that night.
I don’t know what I’m thinkin’ ‘bout
Really leavin’ with you
After my appointment with Beyonce’s face, not to mention a few of her other things, I headed for Suede for another ‘appointment’ before hitting up my hotel again. I wasn’t tired, but it was past 4:00 and I was trying to avoid standing up the only date I actually was looking forward to that night.
I had my sights set for Devin’s 12th floor room, walking to the elevator and everything. And then I saw Mya. Yes, Mya. ‘My ass is like whoa’ Mya. Exactly. “What’s up?” I greeted as we passed one another in the lobby. Her expression told me she felt like shit on a stick, but I didn’t know whether I was supposed to act like I noticed or what.
“Hey,” she answered dryly, turning around to walk with me to the elevator.
“You okay?” I chuckled. “You done partying for the night?”
“I didn’t even start yet,” she managed to smile. “My car left without me and I’ve been tryin’ to find a damn ride all night.”
“Where you tryin’ to go?”
“I don’t even know now.” Whining, she took the liberty of leaning against me as we waited for the elevator to arrive. “I’ve been so bored.”
“Aww.” I rubbed the side of her bare shoulder, feigning some shape of sympathy.
“Are you in for the night? Or are you going back out?”
“I ain’t goin’ nowhere else,” I stupidly admitted, yawning. “Shit, it’s time for bed, isn’t it?”
“If only I could sleep,” she flirted, walking into the empty elevator ahead of me.
I think you can guess where that went.
Gentlemen, good night
Ladies, good morning
Okay, I know what you’re thinkin. Hey, I’ll be the first motherfucker to admit that I can be a big ass ho sometimes. Tonight was just one of those nights. But can you blame me? I was in celebratory mode. Depression was slowly but surely overtaking me, and I just needed something to take my mind off of it. I don’t need that condescending tone of disapproval from you. Just to balance it out, I won’t have anymore sex for another month. How’s that? Well, after this.
“Knock, knock,” I whispered into the door of room 1212, awaiting the occupant to let me inside.
“You’re late,” Devin called from the other side of the room. “As hell.”
“I’m sorry,” I said quietly, resting my tired head against the door. “But could you let me in?”
She fiddled with the locks for a minute before finally revealing herself, still wearing the hot little black number she rocked the shit out of at the show tonight. “Where the fuck have you been?” Out of my jeans pocket, I pulled the Samsung I knew she’d be dying to see and handed it to her before she could scold me anymore. “My phone!”
“Your phone,” I repeated, strolling casually into her relatively small room “ compared to mine, of course.
“How the hell’d you get it?” she marveled, slamming the door shut as she began to examine it for scratches. “Thank you!”
“You’re very welcome.”
“How’d you get it?” she asked again.
“You said you left it with Christina, right?”
“Justin, you stole my phone from her?”
“No,” I cackled. “We were hangin’ out tonight and we found it in her car.”
She gave me a knowing glare and plopped into her queen-sized bed. “You fucked her, didn’t you?”
“I dunno what you’re talkin’ about,” I lied, glancing at the television screen before sitting on her bed with her. “All I did was get your phone for you, baby.”
“Well, thank you,” she grinned. “Dude, how many times have you changed clothes tonight?”
“What?”
“You had on your suit at the show, the red shirt and jeans at your show and now you got on this,” she explained, tugging at my Beatles shirt. “You went all Eminem on me.”
“He did change like eight times, didn’t he?”
“Him and Fiddy,” she laughed, rolling over with a sigh. “I guess I can put on my pajamas, too.”
Or, you can just get naked. “Why you still sittin’ around in that little ass dress anyway?”
“Dude, I came back to my hotel around 3:00, started watchin’ movies, and I haven’t moved a muscle since then.”
“I can see that,” I chuckled. “Have you eaten?”
“No, ‘cause I was waitin’ on yo’ bitch ass to show up.” She hopped up from the bed and threw me a hotel menu before pulling off her slinky dress so that she was only clad in a lacy black thong. “Just get me a burger and some fries or somethin’. And don’t be chargin’ a bunch of random shit to my room.”
“I got you,” I yelled back, just as she disappeared her fine ass into the bathroom, leaving me to salivate over the sight she left me with.
I got a crush on you, my baby
So let’s put a rush on us, sweet lady
Maybe we can share all of the things we have dreamed lately
‘Cause I got a crush on you, my baby
Half an hour later, Devin and I were stretched across her messy bed with plates full of food in front of us, watching ‘The Original Kings of Comedy’ for what had to be the fiftieth time, at least for me. She had taken a shower and slipped into a t-shirt, while I’d kicked off my shoes and made myself comfortable “ it was cool.
“That was a great show you did tonight,” she abruptly commented as D.L. Hughley took the stage.
I laughed, taking a buffalo wing from the twenty we were sharing. “You say that about every show I do.”
“Well, I usually mean it.”
“Ha. Ha.”
“No, seriously,” she grinned. “I almost died when I saw John Mayer up there. That was my fuckin’ dream show, dude.”
“You like John Mayer?” I asked in surprise.
“Who doesn’t like John!” she retorted smiling. “She’s always buzzin’ just like...”
“Neon, neon,” we simultaneously sang with fits of laughter infiltrating our off-key singing. “Who knew,” I added with an extra laugh.
Did it like the elements and wrote a song for ya
No kiddin’, word, my feelings gettin’ strong for ya
“Yeah, man. John is incredible with that damn guitar.”
“He is,” I agreed.
“I mean, so are you,” she immediately added. “To this day, I wonder how it is you manage to dance your ass off, rock it out on the guitar, move to the damn piano and jam like nobody’s business and still hit those notes.”
“I’m just doin’ my job,” I modestly shrugged.
“You’re amazing at what you do,” she pressed. “I know you hear it everyday, but I’m sure it’s always nice to know there’s another fan lurking out there.” She gave me a beautiful grin that would’ve turned me to ice in an oven if I hadn’t been monstrously chewing chicken to detract from my jitteriness.
“Thanks,” I replied, biting my bottom lip.
And if I really had a chance, I’mma pick you
You got class and finesse, you dress sick too
“How much were those crabcakes?” she asked me, taking a disgustingly huge bite of the cheeseburger that sat on her new plate, while eyeing the seafood on mine.
“I told you I got it covered,” I replied, stealing a few of her fries from her plate. “Stop worrying about money, girl.”
“I was askin’ ‘cause I want some of my own,” she divulged with a mouth full of food. “Unless I can have yours...”
“Nah girl, don’t fuck with my food.”
“Just gimme one,” she pleaded. “No wait, one and a half.”
“You gotta give me somethin’ then.” I goofily began to eye the length of her entire body, flirtatiously wiggling my eyebrows at her.
She rolled her baby blues and decided, “I don’t want ‘em that damn bad.”
I’mma holla at ya every time you pass by
And if I don’t get you now, this ain’t the last try
“You know you do, girl. Don’t even try to play that game again.”
You play hard to get, I like steppin’ up
“Well,” she easily relented with a smirk, “maybe a little. But not tonight.”
My life ain’t over yet, we both got enough time
“What the hell are we here for then?”
“Can’t we just be?” she snapped, slapping my hand out of its travel toward her ass. “I don’t have to be naked to be good company.”
“Nobody knows that better than I do,” I quickly defended.
“Good,” she grinned. “Then let’s just... talk.”
I known your pretty ass for years, but don’t know ya know ya
“Okay. Let’s talk.” I continued to pick at my crabcakes, somewhat disappointed, but still complacent. Besides, I’d had sex three times already that night. How could I complain? “Hey,” I suddenly proclaimed in realization.
With a mouth full of fries, she asked, “Yeah?”
My paternal instincts must have kicked in for a minute, because I subconsciously brought my thumb to her lips to wipe the traces of ketchup that lingered near them. And as if that weren’t lame enough, I continued to stare at her without any words. She was obviously an attractive person, no doubt about that, but she had a carefreeness about her that made her shine from the inside. Sitting there gazing, I couldn’t help but wonder if she knew that about herself.
We gettin’ older and I feel I got some things to show ya
“What is it?” she chuckled, once she recognized that I hadn’t said anything more.
“Do you believe in fate?” I queried. I didn’t know where the hell that question came from, but something inside me quelled and I found myself needing to suddenly have an honest conversation.
“Do I believe in fate.” She inhaled sharply and dropped her sandwich to her plate. “I dunno what to say to that.”
“Say what you think.”
“I don’t really know if I know what fate is,” she smiled.
“Like, do you think that it doesn’t matter what you do in life because destiny holds the keys to the end of it anyway? Do you think that whether we’d met nine years ago or nine days ago, we still would’ve ended up here, having this conversation?”
“It is...six in the morning,” she yawned, glancing at the clock above the television. “Why you tryin’ to get all philosophical?”
“It’s just a question,” I grinned back. “I thought of it, so I asked it.”
“Well, what do you think?”
“I think that... the choices we make predict immediate outcomes. Like, I slept with Summer and she got pregnant, right?”
“Right...”
“But, I think that fate would’ve given me Jailyn whether it had been Summer or Mikey or... whoever...” I trailed off when I noticed Devin smiling at the side of my face and it made me more nervous than I liked to be when I was around her. “What?” I paused, licking my lips.
“The way you look at things...” She was still beaming, causing the smile on my face to widen as well. “You have an incredible perspective on life.”
“I think it’s from being observant,” I demurred. “That’s what my mom says, anyway.”
“Mmhm,” she nodded, fiddling with her tamed, curly ponytail.
“I was actually wondering something, though.” I smiled softly, trying not to drift into a daydream while looking at her.
“What’s up?”
Imagine if you felt the same way I feel for ya
“You think maybe, when the tour’s over, you could sneak off to Hawaii with me? Possibly?” I questioned meekly. “Pretty please?”
“Hawaii? With you?” She rolled out of the bed, taking her plate with her to plop onto the room service cart, very obviously avoiding my request.
“That would be what I said,” I chuckled.
You see, that’d be somethin’
This thing we could have together, but you be frontin’
“You really think that’s a good idea?”
Confused, I watched her spin in a dazed circle, most likely trying to figure out how to let me down easily. “Devin, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she responded, shaking her head. “I just “ I mean... Hawaii?”
“Well yeah, I have to go meet Cameron there for some birthday shit she wants to do. But after that, I could use some good company,” I smiled, tempted to laugh at my little dig at Cameron. “Please?”
“Justin...”
Take your time though, I really don’t mind
Anytime, I’mma make your pretty ass mine
“Just think about it?” I didn’t want her to tense up on me and start actin’ all weird again. The past few months had gone relatively well for the two of us.
Holla back shorty, I’m waitin’
Ready and willin’, anticipatin’
“I just... I “ like... I mean, what are we trying to say with something like that?” Her face contorted into all kinds of external confusion and questioning. “I mean, not that I don’t wanna go.”
“But what?”
It don’t matter what it is, I’m there
Baby girl, open up, listen, I’m here
“Justin,” she sighed, finally sitting back down on her bed, but still unwilling to face me. “This “ you and me “ this thing. Look, I’m scared of you,” she nervously chortled. “I mean “ no, that didn’t come out right. I’m not scared of you, but I’m scared of, like, the effect you have on me. I’m scared of what you do to me.”
“And what’s that?” I cautiously inserted.
“I... I get this weird feeling when I’m with you. Like, right now, I don’t “ I don’t want the sun to come up ‘cause I don’t want you to leave.” She swallowed visibly, darting her aquamarine eyes around the boxy room. “But when you go, I’m still kinda left with like, this lingering feeling of “,” she paused to sigh again and turned to finally look me in the eye. “You make me smile, dude. You make me laugh... somehow. You just make me happy, I guess.”
“And I feel the same way about you,” I smiled, suddenly feeling extremely complete.
“Yeah, for now. The thing is “ like, the reason I’m scared “ is ‘cause what happens when that feeling leaves, you know?”
“Devin“.”
“‘Cause, I don’t wanna be the next girl whose heart you break, Justin.”
I was really getting tired of hearing that as an excuse to stay away from me. Maybe I was becoming incapable of loving because people were just so fucking unwilling to love me in return. “Listen, Dev, I can’t predict the future. And I’m not perfect“.”
“No, trust me “ I know that,” she interrupted, falling to her pillows with a very light laugh. “I mean... I know you let go of Mikey because of her ‘insecurity’ or whatever, but maybe you don’t realize that that’s a common trait in all women. And I’m just as scared as she was that you’re gonna get bored; or that you’ll realize how much better someone else is for you; or that you’ll see I’m not as perfect as you want me to be.”
Last but not least, before I go
There’s somethin’ else that you should know
“I’m not expecting you to be perfect,” I assured her. “And you shouldn’t try to be. Just know that you’re perfect to me.”
I’m your number one fan, wanna add you to my plans
I’m there when your plane lands
“God, you’re so gay,” she smiled, trying to hide the tear that fell down the side of her face. “How do you manage to make me cry and smile at the same time,” she whined.
“Go figure,” I said, picking up my plate to place it on the cart adjacent to the bed. Lying down next to her, I nestled into the softness of her stomach, using her as my pillow. “You smell like... fuckin’ Heaven,” I whispered into her shirt, intoxicating myself with her scent “ a concoction of what I’d imagine the color pink to smell like if it were an aroma.
Delicate like a flower
I’mma love you with all my power
Think about you every minute, every hour
“I don’t wanna do this,” she honestly professed. “I don’t wanna fall for someone that doesn’t wanna catch me. But, at the same time... I can’t help but take this chance. ‘Cause it’s you.”
“So you’ll come?” I lit up in hope.
“I’ll come,” I felt her nod, beginning to run her fingers over my buzz cut. “Just don’t fuck me up, dude.”
Her sudden touch, added to her agreement to join me, felt like a world of wonderment had suddenly been lifted from my shoulders. “Hey,” I began, affectionately intertwining my fingers with her free hand, “I won’t break your heart if you don’t break mine.”
All I need is a number and a chance
Save me the last dance
Lyrics:
"Like That" - Mariah Carey (The Emancipation of Mimi)
"Senorita" - Justin Timberlake (Justified)
"Crush on You" - Mr. Cheeks (Back Again!)
Story Tags: daddyj friendsturnedlovers interracial boyfriendj love angryj tourj
