14. I Don't Get It
“I don’t wanna go,” I whined to my mom, as I watched Jailyn playfully contort in my arms. “How am I supposed to leave her?”
“I know you don’t wanna go.” My mother’s left hand rested at the back of my neck while her right affectionately played with Jai’s light brown hair. “But you’ll be back before you know it and she’ll be right here in your arms again.”
We both smiled down at her, reveling in her gorgeous essence, me holding back tears so as to avoid drowning her in my sorrow. “What if something happens while I’m gone?”
“Then, you’ll halt the tour and come rushing home,” she laughed hoarsely.
“But,” Trace interjected, walking up to the three of us with his backpack perched on his back, “nothin’s gonna happen.”
“That’s right,” Mama agreed. “Think positively.”
“But I’m gonna miss everything,” I argued.
“Baby, she’s not gonna talk or walk in the next month.”
“She could do somethin’ else, though. I’m gonna miss all her smiles and laughs.”
“She’s smiling now; why don’t you take notice instead of complaining?” she suggested, still staring down sweetly at her. “She looks more excited about your tour than you do.”
“I’m excited,” I reasoned. “I just don’t wanna leave her.”
“Hey, J,” Trace announced, watching the surveillance cameras that decorated my front door, “Eric and Mike just pulled into the driveway.”
“I guess this is it,” Mama sighed, positioning to receive Jailyn from me. “I wish I could go with y’all to the airport.”
“Ma, you know I don’t want her in public.”
“I know, I know. It’s just weird not being able to see you off.”
“Just make sure you stay out of the cameras when you bring her back to Virginia,” I instructed. I heard the honk of our awaiting Escalade and this emptiness washed over me. I couldn’t stand to leave my baby. I didn’t know how I was supposed to do this for the rest of my life. “Trace, can you tell them to gimme like five minutes?”
“Sure,” he answered, opening the door. “You want them to take your bags out?”
“Yeah. I’m goin’ to my room for a minute.”
“You gonna be okay?” my mom asked.
I nodded silently and headed for the staircase with my daughter, talking to her on our trek. “I’m gonna miss you,” I told her with a sniffle, running my fingers through her curls. “I hope you know that I don’t wanna leave.”
Touched your head gently, felt my heart melt
‘Cause I knew I loved you more than life itself
Her gorgeous eyes, that had turned from hazel to blue to match mine over the past two months, smiled up at me as we entered my flawlessly clean bedroom. I sat on my bed, lifting Jai with one arm so that we were face to face. “You’re perfect, you know.”
Then to my knees and I begged the Lord, please
Let me be a good daddy, all she needs
Love, knowledge, discipline too
I pledge my life to you
“I’m sorry I can’t always be there, but I’m always here,” I explained, creating a cross over her tiny heart as she giggled at the motion. “I’ll never leave your heart. And you’ll never leave mine, okay?”
Just the two of us, we can make it if we try
Just the two of us, building castles in the sky
Just the two of us, you and I
“My life seemed so purposeless before you got here,” I chuckled, tears swallowing my face. “I mean, I had this job. I had your granny and your Uncle Trace. But I didn’t have a real reason to be here, you know what I mean?” She just grinned and darted her happy eyes back and forth across my face. “I know you don’t, but I thought I’d share it with you anyway. Your daddy likes to talk a lot “ even when he doesn’t have anything to say.” I brought her back to my arms’ embrace watching her yawn at my speech. “I can’t believe I ever thought I didn’t want you. Turns out you’re the only thing right about my life.”
You’re living proof that dreams do come true
I kissed the top of her forehead, wiping away any tears that might have dropped to her face and smiled down at her one more time. “I’ll see you later, okay?”
I love you and I’m here for you
Well, the UK tour had gotten well underway and I was slowly but surely becoming drained. I don’t think I love anything about my job more than taking the stage, but I can’t lie and say that shit isn’t tiring. Sure, the energy from the crowds keeps me going, but at the same time, they’re feeding off of me, too, so it becomes an even exchange. In turn, I’m left exhausted.
But luckily, I had Michaela coming out to see me, and her invigorating smile always seemed to give me that extra boost that I needed to press on. “Eric, can’t this damn car go any faster?”
“Not if I don’t know where I’m goin’,” he shot back, making a right turn on our expedition back to the hotel from lunch. “You’ll be there soon enough.”
“Mikey’s not goin’ anywhere,” Trace assured me. “Just calm down.”
“I haven’t seen her in months, though,” I contested, becoming more anxious by the second. “Hurry up, man.”
“Don’t rush me.”
“How far are we from the hotel, anyway?” Trace questioned, gazing out of the window into the gloomy afternoon.
“Too far,” I complained.
Eric threw a balled up napkin to the back seat out of clear annoyance. “Two minutes, tops.”
“J, do you even know if she’s here yet?”
“Her flight was supposed to arrive this morning while I was in that interview.”
“But do you know if she’s here,” he repeated.
I leaned up in my seat to bug Eric again. “Eric, did Todd say whether he got her or not?”
“J, if you don’t sit back and leave me the hell alone.”
“For someone you’ve never had sex with, you sure are excited to see her,” Trace commented. “What you got planned?”
“Why does everyone think I need to have sex with a girl to be content with her company?”
“Because it’s you,” Trace and Eric answered in unison.
“I resent that.”
“Well it’s the truth,” Trace laughed.
“She must be underage then. How old is she, J?”
“She’s twenty, thank you very much. And for y’all’s information, I’m not having sex anymore. With anyone.”
“Stop the car, Eric. I think he’s sick.”
“I think you’re right, Trace.”
“Y’all are some fools,” I chuckled, glad to finally see the entrance of the Landmark Hotel, even in spite of the huge, growing crowd screaming outside of it. “I’m serious.”
“Why? What’s wrong?”
“I just don’t... need to, I guess. Since Jailyn was born, everything else in life just kinda seems like bullshit.”
“This motherfucker thinks he’s grown ‘cause he has a daughter,” Trace laughed. To deflect attention from me, he quickly exited the car, indulging in the screams of affection that random girls were shouting for me.
“At least I’m tryin’,” I mumbled. “Eric, do you think it’s weird?”
“What? That you’re growin’ up?”
“Or whatever you wanna call it,” I smirked.
“Weird? Nah,” he chuckled, staring at me in his rearview mirror. “I’ve been waitin’ a long time for this. Who knew all you needed was a baby.”
“Yeah. Who knew.” Once he was parked safely in front of the valet stand, he flew out of the car to release me from the backseat and escort me through the buzzing hotel lobby. As we walked into the already awaiting elevator car, where we met back up with Trace as well as Todd and my trainer, Jayson, I decided to ask my question again, even though I was seconds from getting my answer. “So hey, is Michaela here yet?”
When no one answered, Trace just laughed at me. “You’re funny, dude.”
“What? What’d I do?”
“You’re just funny.”
“I just wanna know,” I defended, looking up to the top of the elaborately decorated elevator to detect what floor we were passing.
“What you gon’ do if she’s not here?” Todd demanded.
I shrugged, not really having an answer to that. “I just wanna know.” The elevator reopened at the fifth floor and Eric held the doors open as the rest of us headed for my Presidential Suite. “I don’t understand why everybody gotta be so ornery all the damn time.”
“Shut up, Justin.”
“I’m just sayin’.” On our journey down the hall, I passed two of my dancers, Melanie and Kelly, and I bid them a quick “What’s up” as we continued to my room.
“Hey, Justin,” Mel called out to me.
“Yeah?” I asked, turning around.
“Umm, Cameron left a message with us that she’s in the Landmark Suite when you need to find her.”
“Cameron who?” I frowned, staring more at her bulky blonde curls than her face.
“Diaz?”
“She’s here?”
“Apparently,” Kelly nodded. “We were in your room using the Xbox when she stopped by.”
I looked over to Trace who seemed to be just as baffled as I was. “Well, thanks.”
“No problem.”
“Where are y’all headed?”
“Lunch. Then Wembley,” Melanie informed me. “We’ll see you there?”
“Of course,” I grinned. “Have fun.”
“You, too.” Laughing, the two continued down the hall in the opposite direction while I made it to my room, halfway excited, halfway... terrified.
I’d only known Cameron for about a month now, and she’d proven to be a fun girl “ the life of the party and all that shit. I found that she had a great handle on life, she loved to laugh, and hell, I loved to laugh with her. Maybe if it had been a different time and place, she could’ve been the one for me. Perhaps she could’ve been the woman to finally hold my attention. But I was knee-deep in two other women that I couldn’t choose between. How was I supposed to add her to the list? And an even better question, what the hell was she doing here?
Despite it, I walked happily into my suite, expecting to find Michaela smiling back at me. Instead, I was met with emptiness and a basket full of champagne on the table in my dining room. “Where is she?” I queried to whomever decided to finally listen to me.
“They just told you she was in the Landmark Suite,” Trace replied, matter-of-factually.
“Not Cameron, you jackass.”
“Well, who?”
“Michaela! Where the hell is Michaela?” I shouted.
“You okay?” Todd asked, entering the doorway behind the two of us. “Can I go to my room until we leave?”
“Wait, dude; where’s Michaela?”
“What you mean? She’s not in here?”
“Obviously not,” I quipped.
“Well hey, this is where I left her. She probably decided to just go out and see the city.”
“Maybe Cameron scared her off,” Trace joked.
I shot him a glare that said I was far from amused and threw my hat to an empty sofa. “Thanks anyway, Todd.”
“You gonna be all right?”
“Yeah,” I nodded, tiredly falling into the seat with my cap. “What time do we have to leave here?”
“You have soundcheck in less than two hours, so don’t get too comfortable.”
“I never do.” I gave him a weak ass smile and watched as the door swung closed behind him. “I need some sleep, dude.”
Trace took the sofa that sat across from me, stretching his short legs along the length of the seat. “So go to sleep.”
“I can’t.”
“Why the hell not?”
“‘Cause. I dunno.”
“Go to sleep, dude.” He took the blue and white Trace hat that sat backwards on his head and covered his face with it to eventually fall into his own nap. “She’ll be back before you know it.”
I wish it were that simple. There was just way too much other shit on my mind for that to be the only thing keeping me from sleeping. “Yeah.”
I didn’t know whether to be annoyed or appeased that there had been a loud thump at the door, but either way, I slowly picked my aching body up from the couch to answer it. I knew that the fifth floor had limited access, so I wasn’t expecting any crazy ass fan at my door. But then, I forgot that fanatics come in all forms. Cameron Diaz, ladies and gentlemen. “Hey,” she grinned brightly when I opened the door.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, feigning some shape of surprise. “I thought you were in Hawaii this week.”
“Well, I was on my way to LAX and I had this major thought about you, so I decided to stop in London on my way.”
Last time I checked, London was far from a stopover to Hawaii. “Wow.”
“So, here I am!”
“Here you are,” I chuckled. “Imagine that.”
“I told some of your roommates I was here. I don’t know if you got the message...” She allowed herself into the room, pulling off the beige sweater that covered her white t-shirt.
“Roommates?”
“Yeah. There was like one Chinese girl and another blonde chick with huge hair,” she laughed.
“Oh,” I chuckled again, “yeah, they’re my dancers.”
“Oh. Well, whatever. I told them I was here.” I nodded, though she couldn’t see me as I followed her further into my room. “Wow, it’s gorgeous in here. Do you stay here often?”
“Usually whenever I’m in the city.”
“This is awesome. I should’ve bunked with you,”she joked. “In fact, maybe I will.”
“So,” I interrupted, dying for a subject change, “how have you been? You got here okay and everything?”
“I’m great, dude. I met this guy on the plane that’s a scuba instructor. I can’t wait to get back to LA to check him out.”
I really had to wonder if she did anything besides play in the ocean all damn day. I’d already made the joke that she was so... her because she was waterlogged and couldn’t think straight. Now, I see that I wasn’t kidding. “Sounds cool.”
“So, I can’t wait to see your show tonight. I hear it’s pretty damn good.”
“Really?”
“That’s the buzz around town. Can’t be too bad if you added, what? Three more dates here?”
I nodded, reclaiming my seat on my favorite little couch while she took ownership of my bed as if it belonged to the two of us at the very least. “How long are you here for?”
“Just ‘til tomorrow. Gotta get back to my job, of course.”
Thank God. “Of course.”
“But hey, we’ve got all summer for me to see the show over and over. I’ll probably have your steps memorized better than you by the end of the tour.”
I was suddenly suffering from this strange case of deja vu. Didn’t I go through this with Alyssa already? “Don’t you have a movie coming out?”
“Yep. That’s actually what I’m going to Hawaii for “ a photoshoot. But after June 20th, I’m pretty much free.” She gave me a big grin and fell to her back, staring up at the ceiling. “Am I annoying you, Justin?”
I looked up from my absent gaze into the intricate carpet designs and stared to where her lean body rested on my bed. “What?”
“Am I annoying you? I know I can sometimes be, like, overbearing or whatever. I don’t wanna come off pushy or too talkative ‘cause I get that way when I’m nervous about something“.”
“What are you nervous about?” I interrupted.
Without any sign of a struggle, she lifted herself to sit straight up and look me square in the eyes. “You.”
“Me?”
“I know it’s just supposed to be for publicity or whatever, but like I said before, I like you. So if I’m getting ahead of myself or just moving too fast for you, just let me know okay? I don’t wanna become your burden.”
Her saying that severely lessened my fears about her ‘cause I really thought I’d moved past the psycho bitches phase of my life and I was happy about that. So now that I knew what kind of game we were playing, I could calm down considerably. I shot her a genuine smile and retorted, “Honestly, if we could just take it down a notch to ‘new friends’ pace, that would be awesome.”
“New friends,” she nodded. “Got it.”
“Cool.”
“Can I still come see you tonight?”
“Of course.”
“And on tour in the States?”
“If you didn’t, I’d be sorely disappointed,” I winked.
You know, if she kept this kind of attitude up, maybe she actually could be the one to finally hold my attention. That is, if Michaela and/or Devin weren’t up for the task.
She rose from the bed and let her long legs carry her to the kitchenette, which was guaranteed to always be stocked with food. “So what do you do around here until it’s time for the show?”
“Actually, I have to leave for the venue for soundcheck in like an hour. So... you can come with me, or you can hang out here until tonight.”
“What would you suggest?”
Another knock at the door delayed my response as I watched her bite largely into a small green apple that she’d found. “Hold that thought,” I finished, rushing to the door. When I opened it, I found my mom with armfuls of shopping bags, followed eventually by Michaela. “Well, hello,” I said to them, both of whom looked exhausted when they entered the room.
“Hey, darlin’,” my mom greeted, giving me a peck on the cheek that also included a big red lipstick stain. “Cameron, I didn’t expect to see you here,” she smiled to her.
“Yeah, I just got in not too long ago. How are you, Lynn?”
As the two of them continued their salutations, I stared Michaela down for a few seconds, inhaling all the joy and happiness that seemed to radiate from her. I’d forgotten how much I missed her. “Hey” was all I could get out.
She gave me that smile, taking off her baby blue bucket hat before reaching up to give me a huge hug. “I’ve missed you!”
“I’ve missed you, too.” I gently let her fall back to the floor after picking her up in all my excitement and got a good look at her. “I didn’t think this moment would ever come,” I laughed.
“I know, man. Getting through April was okay, but it seemed like every single day in May just crawled by.”
“I can’t tell you how happy I am that you’re here.”
The two of us let the door finally close and we moved into the main area of the room where my mom was throwing bags in random corners of the suite. “Justin, I’m goin’ to my room,” she announced. “I’ll see you at dinner?”
I gave her a sleepy nod as she passed by me and gave Trace a thump in his chest, violently knocking him out of sleep. “Get lost,” I told him.
“What the fuck, dude.” He removed his cap from his face to see the three ladies in the room, finally catching my unsubtle drift. “Oh, my bad.”
“Yeah, your bad.”
“I guess I’ll get out of your way, too,” Cameron proclaimed, walking up to the two of us, introducing herself to Michaela. “Hey, I’m Cameron.”
Seemingly in awe, Mikey gave her a polite smile. “Hi!”
“Hi!” she repeated in a similar tone.
“You can call me Mikey,” she finally managed to get out after a slight pause of admiration.
“Cute name,” Cameron grinned back. “Justin, what time are you leaving for the venue?”
I glanced over my new Jacob & Co. watch, searching for the portion that contained England’s time zone. “Umm, I guess you should be ready by 2:00.”
“1:45,” my mom corrected, standing in the open door. “Can’t be late for soundcheck.”
Rolling my eyes, I corrected myself, “1:45.”
“Okay, I’ll see you guys later then. Nice to meet you, Mikey.”
Michaela gave her an impish wave, replying, “Same here,” before the three of them exited the room. “Oh, my God,” she whispered. “That was Cameron Diaz.”
“That would be a true statement,” I chuckled, pulling her with me to that same damn sofa.
“Wow.”
“You’re a fan?”
“Are you kidding? I love her.”
“Seriously?”
“Did you not see ‘There’s Something About Mary’? It’s one of the greatest movies of our time.”
“Well, why don’t you go hang out with her then,” I said in what I thought to be a joking manner.
“Oh, fuck you,” she spat.
“Don’t worry,” I winked. “There’s plenty of time for that.”
“What the hell was she doing in your room, anyway?”
“Just hangin’ out,” I shrugged.
“So... the rumors are true?”
“There are rumors?”
“According to that annoying dude on E!, y’all hung out after the Kid’s Choice Awards and went bowling together or some shit like that.” Her tone was becoming suddenly serious and I didn’t like it or understand it. “So are y’all the new couple now, or whatever?”
“More like ‘whatever’,” I smiled. “What’s the big deal?”
“The big deal is, what do you want with me if she’s here?”
“I wanted to see you. What else would I want with you?”
“I have no idea, Justin. That’s why I’m asking. Because I’ve wracked my brain for the past few months and I’ve yet to come up with a single answer as to what you could possibly want from someone like me when you’ve got women like Devin and Cameron Diaz always sitting in your bedroom.”
“What?” I hopped up from my seat incredulously, completely baffled as to what I could’ve done within a matter of three minutes to start an argument like this. “Michaela, what the fuck are you talking about?”
I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be you
Adopting all your history, it’s hard being me too
“I am telling you,” she stressed, “I’m not in their league. Devin’s bad enough, but now you want me to go up against Cameron Diaz? Why don’t you just let me go now? Don’t string me along if you’re just gonna fall for them.”
“Where is this coming from? What did I do?”
“You haven’t done anything yet. But I’m scared, Justin. I can’t fight them.”
“But why are you fighting! Who said anything about having to win me!” My frustration was mounting with every word she spoke, ‘cause I had no idea what the fuck was going on.
You should have told me when you met me all these things I should know
And I should have asked, we should have talked about this so long ago
“Like I said,” she began calmly, “nothing has happened yet. I’m just preparing for the inevitable battle because it’s only a matter of time before you have to pick somebody. If it’s not gonna be me, just tell me now. Tell me before I get hurt.”
“What’s with you and this “ this thing you’re dragging us into? Competition, competition, competition! That’s all I keep hearing? But it’s nonexistent to everyone but you!”
“Don’t make me out to be an idiot here. You know damn well that if I can’t keep up with Devin, you’re just gonna drop me like a bad habit.”
“Mikey.” I shook my head slowly, watching her assumptions overtake her happiness. “Baby, you can’t keep doing this to yourself. You’re the only one creating competition here, and you’re making yourself crazy with it.”
“But“.”
“You have to stop,” I continued, unwilling to let her interrupt me. “You can’t run away from me or get mad at me every time you feel threatened. You can’t let their presence dictate you and me.”
“I can’t help it,” she inserted softly. “Look at them and look at me.”
“Yes, look at you.” I pulled her up and brought her to the full-length mirror that sat adjacent to one of the suite’s three bathrooms. I positioned her directly in front of it, resting my hands on each of her shoulders. “You’re gorgeous,” I told her, trying to offer a slight smile. “You’re perfect. Stop worrying about them.”
“No, Justin.” Teardrops fell from her dark eyes and I would’ve sworn I heard them hit the floor. “I’m not perfect, Justin. They’re perfect. I’m just... “
“You’re perfect to me, Michaela.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Don’t say what? The truth?”
“You’re telling me what you think I wanna hear. But Justin, the truth is, there’s no point in me even trying.”
“Why can’t you see what I see?” I whispered, wiping her wet cheek with my thumb.
“Why are you doing this to me?” She released herself from my hold and eagerly began to move her bags and suitcases to the door.
It’s not fair, it’s not fair
Don’t leave me here
I’ve had tons of issues with women, but self-esteem never really came into play with any of my previous... conquests. I had no idea how to handle this one. “What the hell are you doing?”
“This was a mistake.”
“What was?”
“Me being here. Us “ I mean, this. All of this,” she explained, throwing her hands around to signify that she meant everything. “You know just as well as I do that if I don’t get out now, I’m gonna get hurt.”
“Why do you just assume that, though?”
“Because I’ve heard it all before; I’ve seen it all been done. And as much as it’s hurt me in the past, it would be an even harder blow coming from someone like you.”
We are in a mess, a danger zone
What will happen next? We never know
“Someone like me? What does that mean?”
“You,” she emphasized, as if that were supposed to make sense to me. “Justin Timberlake, you. My dreams come true, my prayers are answered when you finally have an interest in a girl like me. But if both of us can’t see it, at least one of us needs to realize that this fairytale has to end somewhere.”
“Why can’t it end happily?”
“Happy endings are just stories that haven’t finished yet.”
I watched her continuously hustle across the room, seeming not to care that she was breaking me with every word she uttered. I’d done nothing but try to just enjoy her and hope that she’d gotten the same satisfaction from me; yet it all seemed to have amounted to absolutely nothing. “Would you please just stop!” I yelled.
Now we share the closet, now you’ve let me come inside
And now you’re finally undressing and I feel like I might die
“What! What do you want from me!”
“Talk to me!”
“I’ve said all that needs to be said. So you, and Devin, and Cameron, and whatever other hoes you got up your sleeve can have a nice life together.”
“This isn’t fair, Michaela.”
“You’re right, it’s not. It’s not fair that I let myself fall for you while you were just trying to add someone else to your list.”
The damage is infectious, the confession is too late
“You know it’s not like that,” I sighed.
And how can I accept this, how is this happening to me?
“Actually, I don’t know anything, Justin.” She sighed, too “ a much more fed-up sigh than I let out. “I just think I should go.”
“And what about me?”
“What about you?”
“What if I miraculously managed to let myself fall for you over the past few months, too?”
“Then, I guess we’re just both idiots.”
It’s not fair, it’s not fair
Help me come up for air
How’s this happening to me?
It feels so lonely here
We are in a mess, a danger zone
“Justin,” Cameron smiled, saying my name in a sing-song voice. “JT, what’s wrong? You haven’t touched your breakfast.”
“I’m not hungry.” I tried to smile but it felt like it came out as more of a winced expression. It had been about fifteen hours since Michaela left me to go back to the States and I was far from over it.
“Come on, buddy. I’m leaving today. You don’t want me to get on my flight all sad, do ya?”
“I don’t,” I answered honestly. “I’m just... not in the mood.”
“Well, talk to me. Maybe I can help.”
“I really don’t think you can.”
“What is it? Girl trouble?” She pulled my hand from my face and made me stare at her. “I’m an expert on girls.” I gave her an unamused glance, while at the same time, trying to hold back a smile. “Try me, dude.”
“Okay,” I relented.
“That’s what friends are for, right?”
“Well, you know my friend, Mikey, who you met yesterday?”
“Yep. She had on the cute little baby blue cargo pants that I wanted to steal from her.”
“Well anyway,” I began to explain, “she and I have been friends for a while now, which is why I invited her to come out on tour.”
“Okay. Friends like what? ‘Joey and Phoebe’ Friends, or ‘Ross and Rachel’ Friends?”
“Mmmm, I guess we’re more like ‘Joey and Rachel, last season’ Friends.
“I see,” she nodded slowly. “Go on.”
“Well, yesterday, we got into this huge argument, which, by the way, I have no idea how it started.”
“Doesn’t matter,” she interjected.
“What? Why not?”
“Because it’s over now. Why backtrack to the beginning when the end result is what matters?”
“I guess that’s true,” I reasoned, taking a bite of my jelly-decorated croissant. “Well okay, so after the fight, she up and decides that it’s best if she go back home. And now, she’s gone.”
“And you’re all fucked up because you wanted her to stay.”
“Exactly.”
“So, get her to come back.”
“How the hell am I supposed to do that?”
“Whatever convinced her that she needed to go, you have to unconvince her and get her ass back over here.” She said it as if it were the simplest task in the world.
“If I could’ve done that, I would’ve done it yesterday.”
“But now you have no choice, so you have to do it today.”
I mulled over her words while chewing my bread, deciding that what she said made no sense to me. “I don’t get it.”
“Look, if you really wanted her here, you’d make sure she was here.” She took a long sip of her tea, giving me a smile with her piercing blue eyes. “Right?”
“I guess.”
“Hey, can you do somethin’ for me?”
“I can try,” I decided.
“Don’t try; just do it.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“I want you to laugh.”
With a quick scoff, I said, “What?”
“Just laugh. Think about something insanely funny and laugh about it.”
“Why?”
“Don’t ask questions, dude. Just laugh.” She let out her own little guffaw before eyeing me again, presumably waiting for me to follow her instructions.
“I can’t just laugh.”
“Why not?”
“Because nothing’s funny right now.”
“Well then, that’s your problem, Mr. JT.”
“What are you talking about?” I chuckled.
“See, you started a laugh. Now finish it! Let your inhibitions go crazy and just let go. Laugh!”
I began to laugh, but it was only because she looked and sounded a little crazy trying to get me to do it. “You’re funny.”
“The way I see it, if you can’t laugh at yourself, life is gonna seem a whole lot longer than it really is. Laughter is the purest form of joy a person can experience,” she explicated. “And I’m not saying I don’t cry. But in between, I laugh.”
“So, you can laugh at anything?”
“No, not anything. But if I feel like crap, which you seem to be feeling like at the moment, I put on a stupid grin, think of a funny memory and I laugh until I don’t remember what the hell went wrong in the first place.”
“I see.”
“And chances are,” she added, “if you lighten up, you’re bound to find a solution to your problem.”
I automatically began to think of Jailyn. I wrestled with the thought of being able to see her again. The brilliance of her eyes, the joy in her giggle “ it always put a smile on my face and brought laughter to my heart, if nowhere else. I thought of her and laughed easily.
“So, how are we bringing Mikey back to ‘London’,” she finally asked, putting on a British accent, much to her amusement as she began to cackle.
“Well,” I replied, picking up my own cup of tea, “I still don’t have the answer to that question.”
“Keep it up,” she grinned. “You’ll get there.”
Sure. But the question that remained to be seen was, where was I really going?
What will happen next? We never know
Lyrics:
“Just The Two Of Us” - Will Smith (Big Willie Style)
“Danger Zone” - Gwen Stefani (Love. Angel. Music. Baby.)
Story Tags: daddyj friendsturnedlovers interracial boyfriendj love angryj tourj
