Working with Justin was definitely an interesting experience. He’s actually a damn good producer.  We finished “Lights Out” in about 2 hours. The crew from “Diary” definitely got some good footage. Needless to say they filmed us flirting quite a bit. What can I say? Justin is a great guy. He’s funny and actually quite charming. I can see why millions of girls love him.

But I can’t be one of them.

I just can’t.

I’ve gone through way too much to just fall for someone. Matt messed me up pretty bad.

Anyways…

I had the next day off, so I decided to call my friend Sophia and see what she was up to. You guys might know her… Her name’s Sophia Bush. She’s on a little show called “One Tree Hill”.  We chatted a little bit and decided that we needed some retail therapy.

She picked me up at 10:30 and we headed for our favorite boutiques.

“So, How’d your meeting with Justin go?”

“It went great actually. We finished the song rather quickly, which was surprising. He mentioned something about hitting some clubs this weekend… you down to go?” I asked while flipping through a rack of clothes.

“Yeah, why not? Come on now, have you ever known me to turn down a chance to party?” She laughed.

“Pshh… yeah I know… what was I thinking?”

Sophia and I met when I did a cameo on “One Tree Hill”. We immediately got along and kind of made a reputation for ourselves on set. We were known as the “party girls”. We would go out almost every night and show up the next morning looking like straight up hell. She’d have no voice left and I’d barely be able to keep my eyes open. I was only on set for 2 weeks, but we definitely bonded. She explained everything that had happened between her and Chad. In a way, I kind of felt bad for her, but everything that Chad put her through made her who she is today.

We had long chats about their marriage and the insane relationship that I had had with Matt. Chad and Matt quite honestly weren’t too different. They both lost a damn good thing.

I should probably explain a little bit about Matt and me…

I dated Matt all throughout high school. He was everything to me. He was the 1st guy I had ever fallen in love with and he did nothing but hurt me. At first everything was great, but about a year into the 4-year relationship he started to change. I found out he was cheating on me and I confronted him about it. He said that he had just been stupid and that he really loved me, and all the girls meant nothing to him.

My dumbass believed him.

He changed his ways for a little while and stayed true to me. That is until one night when I walked in on something I shouldn’t have. I still wish I could erase the memory, but it will always remain with me.

We were at a party and I had gone off to get a new drink and talk to a few people. As I was walking back over to Matt, I overheard his conversation with a bunch of his friends.

He was telling them very intimate things about our relationship. He wasn’t just bragging, he was divulging secrets and things that should have just been kept between us.

I’ll never forget the feeling of betrayal that I felt.

Then things got worse. He began to talk about a couple of other girls that he had hooked up with recently, and he compared us. Who was better at what, whom he’d rather do certain things with and whom he recommended.

All I could do was turn and walk away.

Then I met my new best friend. It came in the form of a white powder. Some people call it blow, some people call it cocaine, but I just called it an escape.

I got pretty addicted to it and it kind of consumed my life. Until one day I came home from work… my family, Matt and someone whom I had never seen before greeted me. It was an intervention and they wanted me to stop the drugs.

Matt swore that he was sorry and he loved me and he just wanted me to be okay again.

So I quit using my escape and started living again. Matt and I were great, no fights, no cheating and no drugs.

I had been 100 days clean and I decided to go over to his place and surprise him with dinner. I cooked his favorite meal, packaged it up and drove over to his house. To my surprise, his car was in the driveway. He wasn’t supposed to get home for another 30 minutes. I used the extra hidden key to let myself in. I put the food in the kitchen and proceeded upstairs. Maybe he had come home from work early? Maybe he didn’t feel good? I wanted to be the good girlfriend and make everything okay.

As I reached the top of the stairs I realized that something was going on. There were clothes thrown everywhere and I could hear the familiar squeak of his bed.

All I could think was ‘No, not again…’

I opened the door and saw something I had NEVER expected to see…

Matt with my friend Jessica on top of him.

I’ll always remember the words he said to me as I walked out the door…

“You weren’t as much fun as you used to be… I’m done with you.”

He was my 1st kiss, my 1st love and my 1st heartbreak.