"So what's going on between you and my best friend?"

JC bent down, slipping off his sandals and holding them in his hand. "What do you mean?"

"What do you mean, what do I mean? The two of you haven't even looked at each other for two weeks! You've had six concerts and I swear to God, your song should be called 'Don't Stand So Close To Me' since the two of you stand the entire stage length away from each other. You come into a room, she leaves; her name is mentioned, you change the subject. "

"I don't know," he said softly, looking ahead as she walked arm in arm with Aubrey, who had flown down to visit her friends. They were now in North Carolina after an afternoon show for a radio station, flying out to Oklahoma later on that night. "What time do we have to be back at the hotel?"

"See, there you go again: changing the subject."

"Aundrea, I don't want to talk about it." His voice was low, eyes cast forward. He had been walking by himself, but after a few backward glances from Aundrea, she slowed her pace, joining him in the slow stroll he had taken on, not wanting him to be by himself. "I enjoy your company, but I do not enjoy the questions."

"I just ... I want to fix this for you guys."

"There isn't anything to fix," he said softly, phone ringing in his pocket. He could only groan, knowing who it was: Lucy. "I appreciate you trying to make things right -"

"Look, JC," Aundrea cut him off, standing in front of him so that he stopped in his tracks, "I know that the two of you had a falling out. I know you said things you didn't mean and I know she did, too. How do I know that? Because I know her. From knowing her, I know you. She loves you, JC. She worries about you. Probably more than she should, but she does. And from the look you're giving me right now, I know you love her, too. I don't know why you can't suck it up and be a man and tell her you still want to be with her, but it's bullshit that you're just dancing around the obvious. She can't see it, but I can. What she sees is a man who wants nothing to do with her because she thinks you've only came back into her life because you can."

He looked at her, the ringing phone long forgotten. "I can't go back in time and make things right, Drea; that's not what life is. I had my chance, we had our chance. She deserves better than me; better than someone who can't even keep his life straight long enough to know what he's had. Better than some struggling musician whose world falls apart everytime he meets her eyes because he just can't look at her without knowing how much he screwed up. And every single day, he's faced with that decision he made. And every single decision he's made since then."

The phone rang again, he sighing with annoyance. "Including this one." He pulled the phone out of his pocket, giving a sympathetic smile to Aundrea as he pulled it to his ear. He didn't want to take the call, but he didn't want to talk about where his heart was anymore. "Hey, Luce."

Aundrea sighed, walking slightly behind him to give him privacy, but close enough to still see his face. It was closing in on dusk, and at that moment, with the sun shining on his face in just the right spot, he had aged overnight. He no longer had the brightness to his eyes, the frown lines had seemingly deepened and the smile that once was a permanent imprint on his face was just a figment of imagination.

He was talking lowly, she sighing deeply and looking ahead at her two best friends, arms linked as they walked through the sand, the street lights kicking on slowly as the light began to fade. The obvious had been stated and yet he didn't act upon it. She knew that it was the truth, she could see it in their faces when they did look at each other. She saw the longing in his eyes, saw the desperation in hers. He was longing for her, longing to continue on with what they had; she was desperate for answers, desperate to get through to him.

"I'll see you in Oklahoma then."

She stopped. "Who is you?"

He looked over at her as he hung up the phone, forcing a smile. "Lucy. You'll get to meet her."

"When?"

He pursed his lips, she following his gaze towards the laughing girls ahead of them, Audrina on Aubrey's back piggyback-style, they playing in the water that was cresting. She saw the familiar flash in his eyes, the longing she caught nearly every time she look at him. Why didn't Rina see it? Most importantly, why didn't he realize that was what was in his eyes? "She'll be in Oklahoma. Sticking around for the week."

"So she'll be with you on your tour bus?"

He nodded. "Why?"

"Ugh, nothing," she said, dropping her hands in defeat. This, this was going to be interesting. Did he not see what was going to happen? Did he not remember the very high-profile relationship he had with the woman he was dating? Bring in a woman with the knowledge of this and their history and it only called for a very big, very not-so-wanted blow-out.

"Drea, help me!"

She turned her head towards the laughing yet desperate voice as Aubrey attempted to toss Rina over her shoulders, Audrina hanging desperately onto her tanktop and pulling her with her, both girls toppling into the water with a loud splash. Laughing hysterically, she jogged over towards her friends, extending her hand to help them, only to have Aubrey pull her into the water, too. "Argh, you guys, this is Gucci!"

"Cry me a river, you big baby!" Audrina laughed, she getting up and running a hand through her hair, cursing that it was now wet and would automatically curl as it began to dry. She turned her head to wring her hair, catching the piercing blue eyes watching her from a distance, the gaze being broken when Aundrea grabbed her by her leg and pulled her back down. The eyes haunted her, even as she forced a laugh out, she couldn't help but turn her head to where he once was, he now walking down the beach and not looking back.

She got up against the protests of Aubrey and Aundrea, she giving them a weak smile as she began to walk, wringing her clothes out. "I'm tired, guys. Let's go back to the hotel, all right?"

Aubrey and Aundrea looked at each other, concern on their faces. "It's not -"

"No, my heart is physically okay. Emotionally, I don't know how much more it can take." She walked away from her friends, opposite the direction of JC. Wrapping her arms around herself as she walked, she felt the tears burn in her eyes. Two years. It had been two years, and yet, he was still capable of bringing tears of her eyes. He was still capable of making her feel like every little thing centered around him, every emotion she ever felt was because of him.

"Rina!"

She ignored the soft voice calling her, knowing very well that it was Aubrey. Aundrea had given up trying to stop her friend when she went off into one of her 'I'm tired' moments, though she never pushed her to stop making excuses in fear of pissing her off. It seemed as if everything but her music had just fallen through the cracks. Sure, she still had Drea and Bree, but what else? Brian was clear across the country and JC was galaxies away, even if he was just in eyesight.

SHe dropped her hands, the humid air cooling a bit as she sighed deeply, hearing nothing behind her. They had given up. Good.

"Bet you can't stay steady on that thing when a wave breaks."

She stopped, the voice lingering in her head. What?

"You wouldn't want to put money on it, now would you?"

The voice prior laughed. "I could, but that wouldn't be as much fun as the wager I have."

She froze in her spot, suddenly remembering exactly what the memory was from. Myrtle Beach in 2000. She and JC were hanging out with the rest of his groupmates during a small break between concerts, the other four already in the water while JC hung back, sitting on the towel next to her. He had been very adamant about wanting to take her out, the attraction between the two very obvious, though she was slightly afraid to date him because of who he was, who she was and who she was related to.

She shook herself out of her reverie, looking down at her hands. She could taste his lips on her then; could feel his fingers in the empty spaces between hers. Licking her lips slowly and inhaling, she put her forehead to her knees, shaking her head. This heartbreak, not her heart condition, was going to be the death of her.



"Great show, man."

JC accepted the towel that was tossed to him by a roadie, thanking him. He pat his forehead dry, sweat pouring against his warm skin. He had busted his ass tonight, it being the only way he knew how to forget everything for those two short hours. Lucy was somewhere, not in his sight at the moment, which shocked him. Ever since her flight had landed in Tulsa, she had not left his side, not even for the two minutes that he wanted to take for himself to even go to the bathroom. When he came out, she was by the door with a look of longing on her face. He had really picked a good one.

"Where's the little lady?"

He turned to see Aubrey leaning up against the lights display, he shrugging as he threw the towel across his shoulder. "Wouldn't know."

"Maybe you should keep a good grasp on this one, Chasez; wouldn't want to lose her, too."

"Butt out of this, Aubrey -"

"I'm not butting out of this, JC," she snapped, pushing herself away from where she was standing, "Rina is my best friend. I'm not going to sit around and watch her have to be this stone cold woman because she's afraid of even looking at you and breaking. You may not know this, but she's not over you. I'm not quite sure why, since you just up and left her because of some little fear, but she isn't. She loves you and seeing you with Lucy is going to kill her. Do us all a favor and keep a grasp on what you have, wouldn't want your stupidity to be the reason you lose yet another person."

He opened his mouth to speak, stopping when a pair of hands slid over his shoulders, he looking back over at Aubrey, the loud, opinionated best friend with a hard, icy glare. "We're not done with this, Aubrey."

"Oh no, we're done. You and Rine aren't." With that, she walked away, bumping into him roughly as Lucy scoffed from behind him.

He sighed deeply, hanging his head as he felt Lucy place her lips to his neck. "Not now, Luce; I've got a headache."

"I could make it better," she said, voice low and raspy in his ear as her hands slid lower and lower on his torso, his hand reaching down and stopping her before he was fully cupped in the middle of the backstage area.

"I have to go on for the encore, Luce."

"They don't need an encore, they just had a four hour show."

"Did you pay for a ticket?"

"No."

"Then you wouldn't care about an encore. These people paid money for a show and I'm not going to half-ass it." He shrugged out of her grasp, going back on the stage as the screams got louder, he putting his microphone to his mouth. "Hello again, Tulsa, Oklahoma!" The screams were deafening as he grinned, eyes taking in the enormous crowd, in awe of how many people were in that place. "Encore, maybe? Perhaps? Or should I just go -" He teasingly moved, the screams crying out in protest. "No? All right!" He grinned, looking back at his band. "Take a break, fellas, this is for the audience's participation."

The screams got louder as he watched the band leave the stage, he going towards the center of the stage, a stagehand coming up and handing him the acoustic guitar, moving the smaller stand down for the sound of the guitar, JC thanking him as he pulled a pic from the stand. "Now I need you all to clap to keep beat. Pretty simple, just follow my lead ..." He clapped in beat with the song that he was going to start, smiling as the audience picked it up and he stopped quickly after. "Now, this isn't one of mys songs on my albums, but I did write it with a good friend of mine. I think you may know him? Brian Littrell?" He grinned as the cheers got louder, he shrugging, "I mean, if the name isn't even familiar, I'm not sure what would be for you guys. This song is more rockier, but since I'm making it my own, we're doing it acoustically. So here we go!"


Audrina froze when she heard her brother's name mentioned, taking a sip of her water and walking towards the wing, confused to see JC in the center of the stage by himself. She knew they had changed his set yesterday, but wasn't sure what had been the change up until now. She immediately recognized the song as one from her brother's group's new cd, forgetting that he had also worked with them on their album and it was actually how he had found out she was in the middle of her own.

"Oh God," she said softly to herself, biting her bottom lip. It was times like this that she wished she were alone, the song doing something to her that only he knew about.

Damn him. He had this planned. He had to of! This song was not on the set list!Or maybe Johnny just wanted to add a song to the mix.

The verse began, her stomach fluttering as she felt the burning deep in the pit of her belly, eyes permanently fixed on his body as he performed for the audience, body turning to the side and suddenly, he was performing for her. He was doing this to spite her.

Hell was waiting on him.

Conversation hotter than a fireman engulfed
Sweeping through my body, causing temperatures to smoke
Every second passing makes it hard for me to cope
So come to me, so come to me

She gulped. This was the part that killed her. Shot through the heart, dead on arrival killed her. Even in the dull lights before the flicker of brighter ones, she saw the intense look on his face, the face of knowing. His eyes were clouded over, and she could only imagine what he was thinking.

He was playing games with her.

Walking with my fingers and I'm creeping down real slow
Reaching for the places that no one could ever go
Pushing me to ecstacy, you touch my very soul
So come to me, so come to me, yeah

She inhaled shakily, unable to tear her eyes away. It was a disaster she couldn't stop looking at her. Her disaster.

Thinking of you, what can I do
I'm thinking of you ...

She felt a presence behind her, seeing an unfamiliar face. "Who are you?"

The woman looked at her, not sure of how to take the slightly agitated question. "Lucy."

Audrina frowned. "Oh. Nice to meet you." She didn't mean that. She turned, seeing the look of puzzlement go over his eyes as he turned away from them, she reaching over to her microphone stand and grabbing it, waiting for him to finish. The night could not end any sooner than it was.

As a ritual, he was still on stage when she re-entered, he finishing up his final bow. "Give it up for JC Chasez!" She was walking onto the stage, trying to keep the bewildered and completely riled up face off as she forced a big smile, holding her hand out to slap his down low, he going in for the slap but taking her by surprise as his fingers skimmed her bare hip, then slapping her hand. He gave her a knowing smirk, full of ego. She cursed him inwardly, still keeping the grin as she turned, facing the crowd. "I'm so glad to have been here, thank you all for having us both here for your plans for the night!"


JC watched her from the wing just as she had done with him, hearing her introduce her two friends out on stage for her. Normally, she had used 'Schizo' as an encore song, but with they being there, she had switched 'Damaged' and used it as an encore so they could come out.

"Why don't we call it an early night and get back to the tour bus," Lucy's voice purred into his ear as his eyes stayed on Audrina, unsure of what to say. He loved to watch her, be it singing, dancing or just sitting on the couch watching a movie and unwinding. When they began dating, he had already found his favorite thing about her that he could just have for the rest of his life and be happy: her laugh.

She hadn't done that in a long time without the sound of fakeness pouring out of it. No one could tell but him. He knew she was forcing it.

Why were they being stupid? Better yet, why was he? Getting drunk and picking up some random girl? That wasn't like him.

"JC?"

That random girl. Lucifer. He chuckled. "In a minute."

"But, baby ..."

"Hold on, Luce. I just wanna see this song ..."

You try to gain my trust, talking is not enough
Actions speak louder than words, you gotta show me somethin'
My heart is missing some pieces
I need this puzzle put together again

Damaged, damaged
I thought that I should let you know
That my heart is damaged, so damaged
And you can blame the one before

So how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?
So how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?
How you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?
How you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?
How you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?


It was more than the song he wanted to see. It was the pulsating, twerking, gyrating and popping that Audrina did. She moved her hips in ways he wasn't sure he had seen many women do, rolling them as if they had been made to do what they were doing. Her hands went over her body, he feeling the same familiar boil that she had felt only minutes prior, he clearing his throat and casually situating himself, watching her hand run over her breasts, over her stomach, her waist. Watched her roll her hips with Aundrea and Aubrey during the bridge, she facing his direction and playing up to the crowd, giving him an open view of her entire front, though he wasn't complaining.

The way she moved brought him back to the times that they had been together, the way her hips rolled in rhythm with his, much like they were now. The way she would roll them to get entirely aroused, to how she would gyrate with him and bring them both over the hilt.

He had to leave, he had to go ... somewhere less suffocating.

"Let's go."

Lucy smiled, taking his hand as he walked towards the dressing room. He gathered his things and quickly showered (though, not really against his wishes, but against his fantasy, Lucy had joined him) in a rainfall of cold, cold water and opened the door, he exiting with Lucy close behind as Audrina came down the hallway all smiles until she met his eyes. "I'll meet you on the bus, Luce," he said softly, she looked at him as if he were crazy, "just go."

Lucy frowned, already pouting. Seriously, where did he find her? "Fine."

With Lucy out of sight and Aubrey and Aundrea just staring him down, he brushed past them without saying a word, jogging to close the space between the retreating woman. "Rina. Drine, wait."

She continued back down the hall and out towards the exit, she forcing a smile as she heard the screams of her fans, she turning to wave as she idly signed autographs, he stepping up close to her and signing some of his own. "We need to talk," he murmured as he raised his voice to say a hello to a fan that had greeted him. "Please."

"Why, so you can make a fool out of me some more? Tell me how much you hate me?" She spoke through a clenched smile, she waving as she disappeared behind her tour bus, he apologizing for his quick departure and walking quickly back towards where she had disappeared, catching the door before it slammed shut. "God damnit, JC, just go be with your little drunk slut!"

"Is that what this is about?!"

"What? Our not talking to each other?" She scoffed, looking at him incredulously, "you have got to be kidding me!"

"Look, I know I said some shit that shouldn't have been said when all you were doing was being a friend -"

"Yeah, a friend. But apparently, she don't know how to be that, either. You fucked up as a boyfriend and just wanted to fuck up as a friend, huh? You wanted to just add another notch on your bedpost with me, was that it? Get the virgin in bed and fuck her over later on when her heart is involved."

"After being with you for six years, you think you were just another notch? That I just got you to sleep with me? After six fucking years? Don't you think if I wanted that, I would have left when I got it? That's not what I was after!"

"Well then maybe you can tell me what it was, because obviously it wasn't gonna end the way I wanted it."

"I wanted to be with you, Rina! I wasn't ready to settle down!"

"No, you didn't want to. You made that nice and clear in that note you left me when you left. Yeah, that's right, JC; I'm good at keeping your secrets from the world, why not give me another, huh? Why don't we tell the world that it wasn't mutual? That you left me in the middle of the fucking night? Any other secrets you'd like me to share with the world? Why you don't want to see me? Why you can't stand to be in the same room as me?"

"Those were lies," he snapped. "I didn't want to deal with the shit I've been dealing with since I was twenty-one-years-old, Audrina; it's been around for eleven years, why should I have to continue to defend myself when those people don't mean shit to me?"

"That wasn't why you refused to talk to me," she snapped. "I may be blonde, but I'm not dense. I know the look you gave me, and it was deeper than that. So c'mon, out with it!"

"I don't want to talk about it!" He threw his hands up in anger, she scoffing and brushing past him, mumbling underneath her breath. "What, Rina, what the fuck do you have to say now?"

"I said, 'figures'! You couldn't even tell me when we were dating that you didn't want marriage, but you kept me around for six years. What are you going to do, waiting another six years to tell me this? Well, guess what, I'm not waiting around for that explanation." She slammed the door behind her, going back outside to where the fans were, she signing more autographs. He was fuming now, angry at himself that he couldn't bring it out to say to her, angry at her for egging him on when he wasn't ready. "Don't walk away from this, Audrina -"

"Why not," she asked, turning her head so that she was looking at him over her shoulder, "you taught me how." She set the pen back down on the paper, giving a syrupy sweet smile to the fan she had just signed for, escaping back into the arena with a slam of the door.

He could feel the anger rising into his ears. She was throwing this all back on him when all he did was try and save her from the inevitable. He wasn't the marrying-type, he wasn't the type of person she'd want to marry. He was just saving her from a disaster he knew would happen.

He breezed past the fans, giving them all a weak wave as he pulled the door open, seeing her storm off towards her dressing room. He ran up to her, grabbing her arm and jacking her up against the wall as she cried out in shock, eyes wide as he lowered his head to be eye-level with her tiny frame. "Not once in my life has someone made me so pissed off and so happy at the same time being in the same room as you have. Regardless of if you believe it or not, my leaving had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. If I could take it back, I would, but I can't. You're just going to have to accept that and accept my apology for the other day. I was angry and upset and I know I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"Whatever."

He dropped his head in annoyance, seeing just how close they were. Both of their chests were heaving together, they so close that he couldn't even seen between them to their feet. His mind wandered again, back to a time when she was beneath him, chest rising and falling as it had been just then. He shook his head, ridding his mind of those thoughts as he covered the hand holding her chest with his own hand, she looking at him in confusion, "you still have my heart, Rina, just remember that. No matter how pissed off you may be at me and how much you do not want to talk to me, just remember that every decision I make is because I have you in mind. You're the only one who will ever have my whole heart."

With that, he turned on his heel, leaving her standing there in bewilderment.