"She just started breathing really funny and I don't know, it all happened so fast -" Aundrea watched as they pumped oxygen into Audrina's mouth and nose from a mask, she conscious though very groggy as they wheeled the gurney into the ambulance. The tears had subsided, she holding her phone by her face as Aubrey listened from the phone as the paramedic spoke of what they had done to her and where they were taking her.

"She's stable. Usually, we'd be taking her to the closest hospital, but with her heart problems, we're taking her to Cedars. They have a cardiac unit and people there trained for this kind of emergency. It seems like she only had a minor problem, but you can't chance it."

Aundrea nodded. "Thank you, thank you so much."

"Do you want to ride with her to the hospital?"

"Yes. I do, yes -" she stopped, hearing a car pull up the drive quickly.

He saw the lights down the road. With the threat of rain, the sky was dark, the red contrasting against the deep gray visibly. "Audrina," he said softly, feeling panic as he pressed the gas pedal down, slamming on the breaks and getting out of his car, not even turning the car off. "What the hell happened?! Where is she?!"

Aundrea went up to him quickly, the tears falling again as she replayed what happened. "They said she's going to be fine, at least to their knowledge without all the cardiac equipment; she's responsive, but really groggy and -"

He swiped a hand down his face. "You were right. I should have made you press her. I should have come earlier -"

"She wouldn't have went; we both know that."

"Ma'am, we're leaving."

He looked at Aundrea, she looking at him. "What?"

"You go," she said softly, he seeing her hands shake and how pale she was. "I need to call Aubrey back and I have to call Brian and let him know what's going on. I'll meet you at the hospital."

"Okay," he said, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder as he passed her, following quickly behind the paramedic and getting into the back of the ambulance, cringing at the loud, echoing sound of the doors slamming. "Drina," he said softly, sitting down on the seat beside her, watching her open her eyes slowly, turning her head towards his voice. She smiled weakly beneath the mask, lifting up her hand as he took it between his two.

She reached for the mask shakily, pulling it off of her face and down to her chin. "You didn't have to come," she said quietly. "I'm okay, really."

"You had me so scared, Audrina," he said sadly, her lip jutting out, "I pulled in to see an ambulance and a distraught Aundrea, not knowing what to think -"

"I'm okay, Jace, really ..."

He tightened his grip on her hand, sighing deeply. "That we know of. So far. What if it got worse, Drina? What if -"

"Then we deal with it," she said. "So I carry an oxygen tank on stage with me every night," she joked, "the show must go on."

"That's not funny."

She frowned. "I thought it was." She studied his face, eyes growing heavy. "Oh, come on, Jace; instead of dancing with chairs and canes, I'm tossing a tank around."

"You're sick, Audrina. Why is that so funny?"

She was quiet, pulling his hands towards her, kissing his skin gently, it warm against her very cool lips. "I'm only making light of what was a dark situation, Jace. I don't want a pity party."

"But you do need to take care of yourself!"

"Fine. What do you want me to do? Hire a private nurse to live at the house so she can watch me swallow a pill every day? Is that what you want? To stop exercising and make my heart weaker? Or do you want me to live in a bed for the rest of my life in fear of me getting sick somehow and it going to my lungs and travel to my heart?"

"You're unbelievable."

"And you are being way too overprotective." She closed her eyes, all eyes on her as she inhaled slowly, it shaky, painstakingly slow as she cringed. "Heart's still fluttering a little," she mumbled. "It had stopped before ..."

"Stress this time, probably," the paramedic said, looking at the monitor above her head, "your heartbeats are pretty much back to normal, oxygen intake slightly low, though nothing to worry about, and your blood pressure is fine. Why don't you keep your mask on though to keep that air going through your lungs though, all right? Let's not overwork that area at this time."

She nodded, fumbling with the mask as JC released one of his hands, leaning forward and helping her place it back on her face. She squeezed his hand weakly in appreciation, unable to keep her eyes open anymore as she took another breath, it sounding more like a sigh.

He leaned forward, letting his head drop. Not once in his life had he been so scared than when he was pulling into that driveway and seeing them put her in the ambulance. Not even when he found out exactly how sick she could be and what could happen if she got sicker. He always had that fright in the back of his head, losing her completely than what he already had lost with her. To him, pushing her away would make it easier. Pushing her away, feeding her lies, maybe they'd make her hate him and make him love her less. Feed her lies, make her believe everything he fed her. What reason had he ever given her before to not believe it? He wasn't the marrying type. He didn't want to be married. He wanted to just be a bachelor for the rest of his life.

For a while, it was somewhat true. From the time he was twenty, anyway. He was thrust into the spotlight and grew up. Saw Joey start a family, grew into adulthood quicker than he was ready for and when the group took an indefinite hiatus and eventually broke up, he wanted to grasp the life of a young adult that he didn't get to do. He partied, stayed up late, slept in until the evening and spent insane amounts of money on cars and clothes - things he didn't need.

But now, here he was, closing in on 32, nearly twelve years after his normalcy had been yanked away. He had chased after it for so long, from the time he and Audrina started dating to about six months before they ended that he was pushing away and of the fleeting thoughts that maybe, maybe he was ready for the big jump. He let his mind tell his heart otherwise, and here he was, yet another two years later and single as can be. Two years and she still haunted him. The longer she was around, the more desperate he was to just see her. He made any little excuse he could think of to see her, to be close enough to her to smell the faint, lingering scent of watermelon that always hung around her from her spray, her bath wash. If he closed his eyes then, he could concentrate and smell it on her from where he sat.

He was a sick, sick man.



"How is she?"

He jumped, seeing a frantic Brian charge through the waiting room, his wife following behind quickly. "We were on a layover in Dallas and then Aundrea called me -"

"The doctor said she's going to be fine," JC said, looking over at Aundrea who had joined him, standing at his side. "She overworked herself for the most part. They're upping the dosage of her medication and she should be able to go home the day after tomorrow. They want to keep her for observation and run some more tests to make sure that the disease hadn't worsened."

"Have you been in to see her? Is she all right? Not scared?"

"I just left the room," Aundrea stated, she shoving her hands into her pockets, "Aubrey's in there now. They didn't want many people in there to excite her much. They want her heart to take it easy."

"I'm going to go back and see if I can go in," Brian said quickly, releasing his wife's hand and looking at the two people standing opposite of him. "What room?"

"First door on the left. You won't miss it. She didn't want the lights on and the nurses caused a fuss about it. Probably still bitching in front of the door."

Brian chuckled in spite of his worry. "Okay."

He knocked gently on the door, both Aubrey and Audrina looking up with weak smiles on their faces. Aubry was glassy-eyed, though hadn't seemed to of been crying moments before he even appeared. "Can I come in?"

"I was going to leave anyway," Aubrey smiled, leaning down and hugging her friend, kissing her cheek, "Diddy wants Aundrea and I to go meet this choreographer downtown." She looked down at her friend, squeezing her hand and smiling, "I'll call you tonight, okay? Get some rest."

"I will. Bye, Bree."

"Bye babe. I love you."

"I love you, too."

Brian made his way into the room, sitting down on the side of her bed facing her. "How you feeling?"

"Okay," she said softly, "still tired, but okay."

"Drea told me you didn't take your medicine yesterday ..."

"Brian, please don't start ..."

"I'm not starting anything," he said softly, "I just think you should have taken them and not worry about the alcohol."

"I wanted to have fun, Brian. My album dropped. I wanted to celebrate."

"You could have had fun without the alcohol."

"Right, and you, Mr. Doublefister, are really the rolemodel."

He sighed deeply, keeping his calm tone, "I'm not trying to argue with you, Audrina. I just think that you need to be more careful."

"They upped my dose, Brian. I can't have alcohol, no wine, nothing. I hear you."

"Do you think I really want to be sitting here talking about you not being able to drink alcohol, Audrina?"

She looked down at her hands, fingers playing with the threads of the blankets. "No, probably not. How 'bout those Wildcats?"

He rolled his eyes, leaning into her and hugging her tightly. "I was so scared, Rina. Aundrea calls and says you're in the hospital and all I can think of is, 'how am I going to tell mom and dad she died? How am I going to get through this?' I was thinking the worst, and I know I shouldn't have, but I did ..."

"I thought about that, too. Sitting in the ambulance with JC -"

"He rode with you?"

She nodded. "He was pulling in when the paramedics were loading me in. Aundrea was going to, but she had to call you and Aubrey so she elected not to with all the machines."

"And how was that?"

She shrugged. "It was fine, Brian. Right now, all I want to focus on is getting out of this hospital. Like, right now."

He laughed, sliding off of the bed and sitting down on the chair, shaking his head the entire time. "Not gonna happen. JC said they plan on keeping you two days. They want to run tests -"

"What? No." She pushed herself up, cringing when she bent her wrist into the IV. "I don't want to stay here, Brian. I'm fine. I'm breathing fine, my levels are up - see? Look, I'm fine, I'm -"

"In the hospital because you stopped breathing right," Brian interrupted, his face suddenly serious again. "Stop for just one moment and realize that, Drina. You could have died if Aundrea wasn't there to call the medics."

She sighed. "I know. I just don't like thinking that today could be my last." When he opened his mouth to speak, she stopped him. "I know that it happens to everyone, but I want to live to see my album sales, to tour. I want to have a family. I want to be able to find a man who will look past me being sick and want to be with me regardless and because of it. I want to be able to see my nephew grow up."

"You will." Brian gave her a small smile, eyes studying his sister's sad face. "I'll make sure of it. If I have to give you my heart, then I will."

"Brian, what good would your heart do?"

He grinned, shaking his head at her. "True. But hey, I offered."

"And Leighanne would kill you."

"Well, then after she kills me, you can have my heart."

She rolled her eyes, eyes wandering towards the door and sitting up more when she saw JC standing in the doorway. "Hey."

"Hey," he greeted. "I'm going to walk Aubrey out. Aundrea want to say goodbye."

"Where is she?"

Aundrea poked her head around JC, playfully pushing him out of her way as she made her way into the room. "Don't scare me like that again, okay? I swear my entire stomach went to my feet and it hasn't risen back up yet."

"I'm sorry," Audrina frowned, reaching up to hug her friend. "Thank you for being there and being a pain in my ass and begging to come home with me this morning."

"You're welcome," she smiled, looking down at her feet. "Drina?"

She raised an eyebrow, seeing her suddenly quiet friend. "Yeah?"

"Let me come on tour with you."

She chucked. "Come again?"

"Let me come on tour with you. It's only going to be you and JC -"

"Hey, it's not like I'm bad company!"

Aundrea grinned. "And I'm sure you'd like company. And, it'd give me something to do on break from DK."

"If you want to come, sure."

"Good, 'cause I'd probably come regardless of what you said."

"Wonderful," Audrina smiled. "I'll call you when I get out of this hellhole."

"Don't bother, I'll be back tonight to check on you." Aundrea smiled, hugging her friend tightly and doing the same as Aubrey and kissing her cheek. "I'll bring your iPod for you so you don't go crazy not hearing anything."

She smiled. "Thanks, Drea."

"Anytime love. See you in the evening."

Just as she went to lean back into her pillow, Leighanne and JC both appeared in the doorway, Leighanne stepping in first and going to stand by her husband, who in turn got up for her to sit down. "How are you feeling?"

She shrugged. Same question over and over. "All right. Just tired. You guys can go. I'll be fine, really. You know I will be. If anything changes, I'll call you. Or JC will."

"We really don't have to -"

"Go, Brian. Georgia is calling your name. And I'm sure your son is, too. There's nothing you can do anyway, except sit here and bother me."

"Then I pass the torch to you, friend," Brian smiled, stretching and getting up. "You call me if something changes. Even the tiniest thing."

"If she doesn't, then I will." JC shook hands with Brian and received a hug from Leighanne as they all said their goodbyes, a threatening look to Audrina if she didn't call. "Have a safe flight."

"We will," Leighanne smiled. "Rest up, Rina, all right?"

"I will," she said, leaning back into the bed and watching them head towards the door. "I love you guys. Sorry to worry you like that."

"You're my sister, I am always worrying." He gave her a smile, walking back to her and hugging her tightly. "I love you."

"I love you too, Brian." She sighed deeply, closing her eyes as they left. "Jace, you don't have to stay. You can go home."

"Not happening," he grinned. "I canceled my plans to stay here, and here is where I'm going to stay."

"Oh, joy."

"You're lucky I sensed sarcasm in that voice, Miss Littrell," he teased, she prying an eye open to glare at him as he laughed. "Get some rest. I'm just gonna sit here."

"And stare at me creepily?"

"It's what I do best."

"I should have rethought my sending Brian home."

"Go to sleep, Rina."

"Yes, sir."

Thirty nine hours. She had been in the hospital for thirty nine hours and it felt more like years. It was nearing midnight as she sat up in bed, the only light in the room coming from the corridor and the faint glow of JC's phone that was sitting on the stand next to her, it having just vibrated nearly off the table if it hadn't of been for her catching it. He was sleeping on the cot they had brought in for him at the end of her bed, his soft breathing heard with the occasional ramble in the midst of a dream. The last she had heard was something about a microphone cord being wrapped around Chris' neck and staying there.

She chuckled, reaching for her iPod and putting it in her ears. Eight more hours and she'd be able to go home. Eight more hours and she could cocoon herself into her own bed. Only to have to get up the next day to prepare for tour.

"Argh," she said aloud, hand to mouth quickly as she realized it hadn't been to herself. She didn't know what she was in the mood to listen to, but as she looked in the artists she had, she knew exactly who to listen to.

Leaning back into her pillow, she smiled. She had to give JC credit: he hadn't left the hospital since she had been there, the only time to go and get her Chinese since she no longer wanted to eat the food they were giving her. "Hospital trash," she mumbled to him, he laughing and taking his wallet with him, arriving back in her room with a brown bag filled with Chinese.

He was still so good to her and she didn't understand why.

Brought out the best and worst in me
You gave your all unselfishly
But the days go by and ...

She listened to the words, they almost like a movie playing in her mind. Everything seemed so real and she swore she could even hear everything being said. She could feel his hand holding hers, his mouth against hers, how his skin felt when she'd lean up against him after a shower, just so she could smell him and feel how soft his skin actually was.

Oh, I could never replace
All the tenderest moments
They will always live right here inside me

Biting her lip, she clenched her eyes shut, willing the thoughts away. But they fought. They came at her faster, more sensing. How she never loved hearing her name being said until he whispered it in her ear after telling her he loved her. How the first kiss felt, and the second, and the thousands after that. How, in the middle of making love, he kept eye contact with her, making the experience more amazing.

My love will forever hold a place for you
That's why I'm so confused, yeah

Girl, we used to be so beautiful
But the days go by and things get better

How he was the first and last person she ever gave her all to. Physically, emotionally, sexually. They had a real connection, one that had her spinning from the moment he told her he wanted to be with her the first night after the tour started. How they had all been sitting at TAO in California and he asked her to dance with him. How his hands had slid down her arms and underneath them to rest at her waist, tugging her closer.

I'm losing half my soul
To face the world alone
But the days go by and things get better

How, of all the guys she had ever dated, he was the only one Brian liked. Of course, it may have been a different story if he knew they were sleeping together, but it really isn't part of the every day conversation you'd share with a sibling. When they broke up, Brian was just as devastated as she was. She cried for weeks.

We're not the type to just give up
But I know that it's what's best for us
The days go by and things get better

And now look at her. She was crying over him again.

We'll pass some crossing roads
Surviving on our own
But the days go by and ...

By the end of the song, she was putting her face into her pillow to keep her tears quiet. Why was it suddenly crashing down on her? The medication? Her exhaustion? Was it something in the back of her mind just making her think this way? The sudden thought of death making her see things she didn't want to see before?

She went to take a breath, a sob escaping instead. She heard movement, felt her bed shift. Damnit.

"Hey," his voice came softly, raspy from sleep. "Audrina, you okay?"

She clenched her eyes shut, not wanting to look at the reason she was crying. She still heard his voice singing, she ripping the earbuds out of her ears and hitting the pause button on the player. "I'm fine."

"Really now."

She sniffled, licking her lips and forcing herself to look at him. "Yeah, I was just listening to a song and the man's voice hurt so bad it brought me to tears."

He looked at her, eyebrow raised. "Really now?" He reached over, grabbing her iPod against her protests and put the earbuds in, hitting play. "Hey! This is me!"

"See," she sniffed, trying to make a joke out of it; anything to keep the subject in her head away from his own mind, "bad, hurting voice."

He pulled the earbuds out, setting the iPod on her lap. "You used to like my voice."

"Once upon a time, I suppose."

"Jokes aside, do you care to tell me what you're crying about?"

She was silent, her eyes never leaving his as he studying her face, searching for answers. "No. But maybe some day."

"I guess I can take that as an answer," he stated, patting her hip. "You want some company?"

"On this bed so not built for two?"

"Yeah. Our skinny asses make one person, right?"

"No, your skinny ass makes for half a person. Mine, little more than that."

"Oh, move over." He pushed her gently to one side so that he was lying on his side, looking at her. "See, we fit?"

"Make one sexual advancement and I'm moving your ass to the floor with a hard shove."

He chuckled, closing his eyes and yawning, "you used to like my sexual advancements."

"More like sexual special ed."

"Ouch," he mumbled, hissing as if he were hurt, "burn."

"Big time. Third degree."

He chuckled, growing quiet as she reached between them, taking the MP3 player and putting it back onto the nightstand. She had just closed her eyes when he spoke again. "Was it really that bad?"

She opened her eyes, they wider than saucers. "Huh?"

"Was it really that bad?"

"What?"

"You know," he said softly, opening his eyes and meeting hers, "love." He licked his lips, and she could have sworn she say a hint of redness climb up his cheeks with the light she had. "And the sex?"

She turned on her side, holding her head up with her elbow so she could look down at him. "Was it bad being loved by you? No. God, no. I always felt safe, always felt needed, wanted. You never hesitated to tell me you loved me and it was the most amazing feeling in the world. That answer goes for both questions."

"I'm sorry I couldn't be the man you wanted to marry."

She felt the familiar pang in her heart, trying to force a smile onto the subject. "I'm sorry I couldn't not want to be married."

He chuckled, tugging on her elbow so that she lie on her arm as he leaned over, kissing her forehead. "It was hard to not love you, Audrina. I think, in some way, I still do. But, I know you and I could never be together. I love you so much more as the friend you have been and what you have brought me from that to even think of what happened between us before."

And now she was the one being burnt.

And he was lying. Again.

She inhaled, holding her breath for a moment before talking. "What about with me? Was it bad with me?"

He gave her a sweet smile, shaking his head. "No. It's all part of the 'things I am so grateful to have had' file in my mind. Big memories involve you, Audrina. Big ones. One that I never want to forget. Funny thing is, after the break-up, we're still making memories."

She smiled, nodding. "Yeah, we are."

"I just wish I could have been the man who wanted to marry you," he said softly. "If I believed in marriage, if I wanted it, it definitely would have been with you."

"And if I didn't want marriage and just wanted to live with someone, it would have been you."

"That kind of sounded like a rip on me again," he grinned, she chuckling and closing her eyes. "Are you sure you're okay?" He swiped at the lone tear that fell down her face as she nodded, eyes fluttering open at his touch. "You want me to go back to my bed?"

When she shook her head, he smiled. Maybe there was hope for them yet.