"This is Kurt Loder with an MTV News newsbreak. While the worldwide tour joining pop singers Audrina Littrell and JC Chasez kicked off officially two weeks ago, rumors are swirling already that there is turmoil between the two stars that has caused major problems on the road. The pair, who dated from 2000 at the peak of Chasez's success with his group *NSYNC to early 2006, have not been spotted together outside of venues and are rumored to not be on speaking terms.
Fans have noticed the stress on both singers' faces, worried that something may trigger another heart attack on Littrell, who is still recouperating from a serious heart attack in early August. Fan sites have launched to remove Chasez from the tour, while other sites have answered back, asking that Littrell be taken off. Whatever the case, MTV will be filming the pair and their so-called turmoil when their tour lands here on November 25th until they depart for New Hampshire on the 27th.
Littrell's album, Resurrection, debuted at number one in March, has still been a silent visitor on the Billboard charts, holding steady in the top 50, having already sold 3.7 million copies in the U.S. alone; a feat that is rare with the digital and illegal downloading. Chasez, who has been releasing music digitally for the last year, has had his share of success, the last two singles released from his album, 'The Story of Kate', have been very popular on the iTunes singles charts, also reaching platinum status with the album.
Stay tuned on November 25th at from 4PM all through the night to see backstage of their concerts and exclusive clips from the tour. This is Kurt Loder for MTV News. Stay tuned for another update at ten to the hour, every hour."
Aundrea shut off the television, looking over at her two friends who were lying in bed, sharing a magazine and giggling at the horror stories readers had sent in. Aubrey, fresh off of her stint on Broadway doing Hairspray, had arrived to be with the two of them six days ago, crawling into bed with her depressed friend, armed with magazines and sweets.
Sighing, Aundrea let the two be as she put on her flats and called to Aubrey who was probably the only one alert at the moment that she was going out for a walk-around in the lobby. An acknowledgement of her leaving was heard, she grabbing the hotel key and closing it softly behind her, shoving her hands into the pockets of her hooded sweatshirt and walked towards the elevator, it a glass one that showed the entire lobby to the rider.
It had been a five and a half weeks since AJ left, since Audrina had clammed up and turned into the shell of what she used to be. AJ hadn't called, JC refused to even look at her and her brother was so stressed with the work of the Boys and his family that he hadn't had time to call his sister for more than five minutes to get more than a 'hello' and 'how are you' out of the conversation. She was the only constant one with her since, she growing increasingly worried when her appetite slowly diminished, demeanor changed significantly.
She knew it had gone too far when the fans were noticing the stress, noticing the difficulty of the two of them to be in the same vicinity as one another. Audrina, who swore to her up and down that she was going to be a whole different person on stage, a daring, beautiful seductress, had kept her word, but she had gone the complete opposite way into a shy, reserved little girl who looked as if it were her first time on stage, rather than owning it like before.
JC, who usually was the quiet one, suddenly took an interest in partying. Every night after the show, he was begging for company to the 'hottest' club in that given town, begging Aundrea to leave Audrina behind, to come with him for at least one night of fun before she retired as the caretaker. She had always declined, though as soon as Aubrey showed, wild, crazy, nearly an alcoholic in her own right Aubrey, JC had a clubbing partner.
Though, it seemed as if Aubrey was suddenly JC's babysitter. He drank excessively, she confided in Aundrea; he drank, danced with some strange girl, made out with her and then would wallow in another shot or five. He never went home with someone, only Aubrey. She always ended up getting him in bed, taking his shoes and socks off and pulling the blanket over him before he passed out and putting a trash can next to him in case his body decided to not hold the liquor that he had knocked back.
While he was suddenly ready and raring to go out, Audrina, fresh off stage, would shower and disappear into her hotel room. Back when the two of them were dating, she was the one taking his hand and leading him out to have fun, he always the one who wanted to just lie in bed and let the day catch up to them. Now, she was the one who would finish up, shower and grab her things, leaving the venue without so much as a word to anyone but she and Aubrey, and on rare occasion, Rebecca, who had taken on the job as coordinator of the tour, not needed as assistant.
The MTV crew would be arriving to film in about five hours, Audrina having to be at the venue in three hours for soundcheck and rehearsal. If it was how she thought it was going to end up being, she knew they'd have either really boring footage or one of the two of them were going to snap and they'd get footage not able to be aired during the day.
"Can I get a grande spiced apple cider, please?" She stood in front of the lobby's Starbucks, placing her hand on the counter and holding on as she leaned back, eyes widening as she saw JC slowly approaching, oblivious of her presence just in front of him.
He walked past her, head down, eyes watching his feet and unaware of her eyes on him as he disappeared into the cafe, a small, forty-seated hall that housed a small stage and dim lighting. Once he disappeared behind the door, she turned, anxiously waiting for her drink so that she could peer in (she didn't want to admit she was spying) on him. "Thank you," she said, quickly placing her tip into the cup and sipping it, walking quickly towards the door.
She noticed the 'closed' sign on the large oak doors, standing on tiptoes to see in, his dark hair the only thing she was able to see from the window because of her short stature.
"He's been coming in here since you all arrived here on Wednesday," a woman said as she approached, putting the ropes in front of the door as Aundrea stepped away, eyeing the woman wearily. "Singing the same sad songs each time. Usually stays for hours at a time."
"He won't -" she stopped, biting her lip as she studied the woman, oblivious to what it meant, "he won't notice I'm watching him, will he?"
"No, he usually does end up getting a crowd that usually diminishes as he finishes. They never want to disturb him; he always looks troubled and at peace at the same time."
She nodded, stepping cautiously over the rope and pushing the door open slowly, cringing when it ached, the creak a sound similar to a groan as she slid in, sitting down at the table furthest away and put her drink down, folding her arms on the table and watched him.
He was hunched over the piano, head low, hands dancing on the keys as if it were the same old song and dance to him, something that he could have done with his eyes shut.
The snow was beginning to fall from the windows along the side of the cafe, she shivering at the thought of how cold New York tended to be during the Christmas season. Christmas. It would be Christmas soon, the most depressing holiday when you were alone. To her, it wasn't, because she considered herself to always be with someone, be it family or friends, but she knew Audrina, and she knew JC, too. They were both preparing themselves for the loneliness of the season, preparing to be the fake holly jolly that they have done ever since the break-up.
And then his voice began to filter throughout the room, goosebumps rising on her skin at the emotion that echoed in her ears.
I don't know when we fell apart
The love that we had was like a work of art
I used to see heaven in your eyes
Now angels are falling from your skies
The things were said were so wrong
And I haven't held you for so long
My foolish pride turns me inside
Why did we tell all those lies?
If you can reach for the phone
You don't have to be alone.
Outside, the wind, it seems so cold
Your heart is frozen like the snow
And there's no one home
To keep you safe and warm
Your eyes are red because you've cried
You fell asleep by the fireside
But there's one thing you should know
On this Christmas, baby
You don't have to be alone.
She frowned, nearly jumping out of her skin as the room suddenly became tense with the ringing of her cell phone, she scrambling to silence it before too much damage had been done. She looked up, seeing JC getting up slowly from the piano, she jumping from her seat and stopping him. "No, don't stop because I'm here -"
"I need to go get ready."
"JC," she said, her tone stopping him in his movements, "please. You know you have more than enough time. Stop making excuses to not look at me. To not look at anyone for that matter that has any relation with Audrina. Stop hiding from us."
He frowned, shaking his head. "I have to go shower and -"
"You have more than two and a half hours to get ready, Josh," she corrected, hand reaching out and grabbing his wrist, looking him over. God, why hadn't anyone seen how horrible he looked? He looked so tired, so emotionally drained, so ... so not him. "I'm not the bad guy."
"No one is," he said, shaking his head. "I'd just rather not be here."
"Why?"
"Because I'm not alone."
"Would you just sit your skinny ass back down on that piano bench and play?!"
He raised an eyebrow at her, stepping backward. "I don't want punched in the face by you again ..."
"I'm not going to hit you, JC. This time, time time, you didn't do anything wrong. Neither of you did."
He nodded, still slightly taken aback by her persistance. "I just want to go shower ..."
"Just, play, would you? I know you'd still be playing if I hadn't interrupted you."
"Maybe, but it brought me back to reality, and reality says I need to -"
"You smell like soap and toothpaste," she said, stepping into him and sniffing, "you already showered. Stop making excuses."
He sighed deeply, looking down at the floor. "I'm running out of them, aren't I?"
"You ran out of them a long time ago, buddy."
"If I play, will you just ... not look at me?"
"Since when have you been so shy about -"
"Please?"
She frowned, pulling up a seat parallel to the piano and nodded. "I won't look, I promise. I'll ... I'll play with my phone and drink my cider that I just-so-happened to have left back there." She turned, walking back towards the table she had been sitting at and grabbed her drink, turning to see him going back to the piano and playing softly, eyes still watching her every few moments. "What happened to you, Chasez," she asked herself softly, "what happened to both of you?"
That subsided now
No happiness around
If I could only find a way
To your heart
She looked up at the camera that was merely feet away from her, smiling as bright as she could while standing on stage with Kurt Loder, she listening as he interviewed Aubrey and Aundrea and how they enjoyed going on tour with their best friend and how their band had been doing.
"Audrina's appearance on our album really, really boosted our sales," Aubrey noted, "we can't be anymore grateful than we already are. Diddy gave us a two-month break to gather ourselves and prepare for our own tour which will kick off in March of next year. We couldn't be anymore excited about it and -"
Audrina watched her friends, eyes settling on Aundrea, who had been quiet the entire evening after she returned back from her time away from she and Aubrey. Her little firecracker of a friend seemed troubled, she shifting on her feet and looking anywhere but at the cameras, eyes haven't met her own since the return. She had constantly been attached to her cell phone (which, usually wasn't too surprising, but the only people she ever texted were in the same room as her) and when she asked who she was talking to, she got flabbergasted and responded with 'Dawn', who, even though Audrina didn't get along with, knew that she refused to text because it was too 'unprofessional, too impersonal'. So, therefore, either Aundrea was lying, or Dawn had a change of heart.
Something was up with her. She'd get to the bottom of it if it were the last thing she did that night.
"Make-up!"
Audrina turned, seeing Johnny calling for her to come get ready for the show, rehearsal having already gone underway and everything was set for the show at 8 o'clock. Aubrey and Aundrea stayed behind, Aundrea now boredly talking about how it had been in New York, Aubrey interrupting every so often to put in her two cents. Neither girl noticed her departure; if they did, they didn't show it.
Sighing deeply, she walked down the corridor, heels clicking against the tile. JC's voice was heard in his dressing room, speaking with someone on his phone; Johnny was just down the hall, feet away from her and ducking into his own private room where he met with the production manager before every show in every venue; and she, she ducked into her own dressing room, sitting on the chair and waiting for Annelle and Shelby to begin their work.
"I talked to him this afternoon," a voice said from down the hallway. Aundrea. "It's killing him to be here, killing him to see her the way she's been ... but he can't have it any other way right now. He's so confused and so lost, it's actually quite sad."
"And he's been trying to leave the tour ... again?" Aubrey.
"Yeah. He loves her, Bree. Loves her more than he even can fathom. But he feels as if he'll hurt her again and he doesn't want that. He said he tried so hard to get her back and then it all just slammed in his face how wrong it could be if he can't get back over what he thought he had won. They both have these demons, these two demons on their shoulders and one day, they're saying one thing; the next, they're contradicting themselves and taking back whatever was said before. I don't know anymore, Bree. AJ called me yesterday to see how she was doing and he's worried about her, he's worried he let her go and shouldn't have. He asked if I thought that the two of them would ever just grow up and get together again and I didn't know. I ... highly doubt it will happen. As much as I want it to, I'm losing faith in just how strong Audrina is with him and with herself -"
Audrina shut the conversation off in her mind, putting her attention elsewhere. So, everyone was losing faith in her. Was this how it was always going to be now? Hushed conversations away from her because they were all afraid to say something to her face? JC never speaking to her again? AJ never speaking to her again? The one person who said he'd never not talk to her, suddenly stopped talking to her over a decision he made, not her.
She bit her lip, keeping the tears at bay as she got up, snatching her cell phone from on the make-up counter and nearly knocked over Shelby, she crying out in confusion and calling her name as she ignored her, continuing her way down the hall to Johnny's room, he jumping when she slammed it open up against the wall.
"My God, Drina," he said, startled, hand to his chest, "you look like you've got a beast behind those eyes. What's going on? Why are you -"
"Cancel the show," she said, fighting back tears as she gripped the doorknob, trying her best to keep her knees strong to hold her body up. "Cancel the tour. I'm done, I'm fucking done." She remained eerily calm, given the shaking and tears, anger boiling so fast that her face and ears were deepening in redness. "I'm going home."
"What? Audrina, I can't just cancel a show, let alone your tour!"
"I said CANCEL THE FUCKING TOUR, JOHNNY!" She turned on her heel, ignoring his startled calls for her, brushing past her two best friends as they cried out in confusion, they too calling for her. She ignored them all, eyes set on the exit door as a body stepped in front of her, she crying out herself when piercing blue eyes stopped her. "Get out of my way, JC. Just leave me alone."
"What are you doing," he asked lowly as she tried to get on either side of him to the door, he stepping to block her every way. "What is going on?"
"Get the hell away from me," she snapped, "seems you can't even look at me, what changed it for this moment, huh? What else do you want to hide from me? What else do any of you want to hide from me?!" She turned, every person she had come into contact with within those few moments staring at her with wide eyes, she catching sight of the MTV cameras that were now filming her break-down. "Get that fucking camera out of here, Johnny! Get it out of here!"
Aubrey turned, putting her hand to the lens and speaking softly to the camera man, he immediately putting it down and eyeing the singer wearily.
Audrina turned, looking back at JC who had his arms crossed at his chest, standing his ground to the girl who stood seven inches shorter than him. "Move out of my way, Josh."
"I'm not letting you leave here, Rina; it's cold, it's snowing, and you're upset."
"Upset is not the fucking word," she snapped, he crying out and she put her hands square to his chest, pushing hard as he fell against the door, it opening with his body as she brushed past him before he could recover, immediately feeling the brisk late-November air.
But she didn't care. She had so much anger in her that the anger was keeping her warm. She was leaving this state, this tour, going back to L.A. and packing her things and moving back to Kentucky. She'd go back to school, forget about everyone she ever enountered in Hollywood and make a name for herself as someone else. She was done, fed up.
"Audrina Brianne, I swear if you don't stop fucking walking, so help me God -"
She cast her eyes over her shoulder, seeing JC hurriedly following her, she picking up her pace as he groaned in irritation, following her towards the front of the venue where everyone had already started to pile in for the show. Luckily, there were only a few people out there, unaware of the two popstars they had come to see fast approaching their vicinity, fast passing it.
"Drina, please," JC said, his voice hushed as she shook her head, angry tears burning her eyes as she continued heading towards the hotel, feeling an arm wrap around her waist and tug her to stop, pulling her against him. "Would you please just stop? Stop and talk to me," he said softly, turning her as she looked elsewhere, not wanting to catch his worried gaze, "once upon a time, you used to be able to talk to me."
"Yeah, well, once upon a time, you used to be able to look at me," she snapped, "once upone a time, you used to love me. Doesn't seem like either of them are really done anymore, now are they?"
"Audrina, stop and listen to yourself," he pleaded, "what is going on with you, huh? You are never like this."
"Well, it's time for me to start," she snapped, attempting to yank her body from his grip, "let go of me, Josh!"
"No."
"Josh!"
She yanked backward, he gripping her waist and the fabric of her top, pulling her roughly against him, she struggling as sobs escaped her throat. "I'm not ever going to let you go, Audrina," he whispered harshly, "no matter where we are in life, I'm not ever letting go of you."
"I want to go home," she said softly, her voice nearly taken away with the wind, his hands going to her now freezing cheeks and gasping. "Drina, you're gonna catch pneumonia." He pulled off his sweatshirt, she shaking her head as he held it out to her. "I don't want it."
"Put the fucking thing on, Audrina!"
She coiled back at his tone, taking the sweatshirt and putting it on over her head and shoving her arms through, going to turn away when JC grabbed her hand, she gasping at the warmth it radiated. "Josh, please, just let me go."
"What's going on with you, huh? What are you running from?"
"Like you fucking care. You want nothing to do with me, remember? Up until five minutes ago, I was nothing to you."
"Of course I fucking care," he snapped, "and it was never a matter of me having nothing to do with you, it was me not being able to face you, knowing what I felt and knowing what you needed. Looking at you kills me, Audrina. Looking at you absolutely sends me to my grave. You being nothing to me is a joke. You're my everything, do you understand that? Everything I have done in the last eight years have revolved around what I thought you'd approve of, what you'd like, what you'd think. Hell, right now, I went after you because I knew if it wasn't me who went after you, you'd never speak to me again. I can't not have that, as much as I say I want that, it's not true. I just ... I can't face you right now. I can't face us. I can't face what we had, what we could have had if I hadn't ruined it. I can't speak to you without hearing the same voice I've been in love with forever, hearing even the bad things coming from your mouth pangs my heart."
"Whatever."
He sighed deeply, running his hands up and down his arms and shaking his head. "I don't think I'll ever get through to you, Audrina. But I swear to God, if you leave this tour, cancel this show, where ever you are, I will track you down and beat you. As much as you don't want to be around us, as much as you think you hate the world, you would never cancel a show, leave a tour; that's not you and you fucking know it. So I suggest you get your ass back to the venue and get make-up down and warm yourself up. I don't care if you don't speak to me again, but I know thousands of people who will never buy another album once they catch wind of you leaving and refusing to perform. And I wouldn't blame them. This is not the woman I fell in love with, this is not the woman I am in love with. Get your fucking act together."
She stood there, speechless and freezing as he walked away, leaving her standing in the middle of the parking lot.
