"Easy."

"I'm recovering, AJ, not fragile," she snapped, pulling her hand out of his grasp as she stepped into her house, ignoring the wounded look he gave her, both men who had helped her from the car looking at her in confusion as they followed she and the Littrell's into her home. "Don't treat me as if I'm gonna break."

"I wasn't aware I was," he said, she turning to look at him in bewilderment at his comment. "What? I wasn't!"

She shook her head, body moving slow as she followed her mother Jackie up the stairs, holding onto her hand. It had been nearly two weeks since she had been in the hospital, and almost as long since her rehab had started with breathing treatments and extra cardio that had taken it's toll on her attitude that everyone around her had yet to get used to. Though, it had not really began up until a few days prior when they switched trainers.

"You never are aware," she mumbled. "Ever. Never aware."

"What?"

"Nothing!"

He looked over at Brian as he shrugged, just as helpless as he was. "I don't know, man," he said softly, clapping him on the back as he placed her bags on the floor in the foyer and inhaling the scent of their mother's infamous lasagna that Audrina had just mastered herself, though rarely made. "God, I'm so hungry. Hospital food is not something I was ready and willing to get used to; yet, sadly, I was ..."

"I could get used to eating anything."

"Bone, we know that."

He grinned, clearing his throat and looking around the room. "Rok, can I talk to you for a minute? Alone?"

Brian looked at his friend curiously, watching as his dad poked in and out of the room just as quickly as he appeared, grabbing the newspaper and heading back to the living room. "What's up?"

"Her attitude -"

Brian laughed. "It'll get better, Aje; you gotta remember, she's suddenly being pushed to strengthen her heart with cardio she's not used to and she nearly died two weeks ago."

"No. That's not it. That's not it at all and I know it. You know it. Look at her, Brian." AJ looked up the stairs, eyes desperate. "I'm losing her. I know I am. She's angry because she knows she's losing out again. She's angry because she's hurting herself. Maybe she's angry at herself because she knows she's going to hurt me. I don't know ... I just know that she's not Miss Attitude because of this rehab. She's thankful for that. That's not her problem at all. I'm her problem. JC is her problem. She is her problem."

Brian sucked in a breath, licking his lips and studying his friend. "You really think this is what her attitude is all about?"

"I do," he said softly, "I think that these two weeks have proved just how much he still cares about her and just how much she still loves him. She may love me, but she doesn't love me like she loves him -"

"AJ -"

He shook his head, sniffing as he forced his words out. "Can you - can you just find out? I don't want us to pull this along if it's not what she wants. I love her, Rok. I want her to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted. And if this isn't what makes her happy then I'm going to bow out. That's how I am and I'm not going to cause a scene. That's not me."

"J -"

"She loves him," he said softly, "she loves me. But not like that. She loves me like ... like someone would love a boyfriend. She loves him like someone would love their soulmate. How do you compete with that?"

Brian frowned. "I don't know."

AJ smirked. "Yeah, I don't either."

"I'm sorry, Aje."

He sank down onto the couch, sadness in his eyes. "Me too," he said softly, frown deepening. "Me, too."

"Maybe it isn't what you think though, you know? Maybe ... okay, maybe she does love him, but I know she loves you, too. She's not going to give up something that she knows she has that is so good to her and just risk it all. This is my baby sister, AJ; she doesn't take risks like that. The last risk she took ended up leaving her, remember? She's been burnt by that flame way too much and I know she's not going to be tempted to do it again. I don't know if I should be the one talking to her."

"Yeah, you're right," he said softly, eyes wandering upward where she and Brian's mother was slowly coming down the stairs. "She okay, Jackie?"

Jackie startled slightly, in her own little world before interruption. "Yeah, she's all right, sweetie," she said softly, "angry at the world, I suppose. She's half-asleep in her bed."

"I'm going to go see her," he said softly, pushing himself up off of the couch as Brian gave him a sympathetic smile, Jackie continuing her way into the kitchen to start with dinner. "Call me when dinner's ready; I'll bring some up for her."

Brian nodded as he got up, following his mother and leaving AJ in the solitude of the quiet sitting room. Inhaling deeply, he took the stairs slowly, watching as his feet pulled him closer and closer to her bedroom at the end of the hall, the large double doors less inviting than they used to be.

He put a hand to the door, forehead resting against the cool wood and said a silent prayer. "Lord, help us all get through this in one piece, with at least a string of our sanity," he said softly, only for the Man upstairs to hear, "let her get through this and let her be happy again. You know how hard it's been for her ..." He paused, hearing a struggled sob from behind the closed doors. "Rina, baby?" He pushed down on the door handle, one door opening as he peeked in, Audrina lying on her side as she hugged the body pillow to herself.

"I'm fine," she mumbled, voice evident of tears as he closed the door behind him, walking slowly into the room as he heard her voice enter his ears through the television, a small bittersweet smile forming on his face as he took in her body, lying on a flat portal of some sort, adorned in a silver outfit that covered only her breasts, curving down to one side and barely covering her pelvis. She seemed to be the less clothed of the five girls in the video. She sang about a damaged heart. The video. Diddy had released it already.

He crawled onto the bed and placed his cheek in the curve of her neck, inhaling the faint scent of the hospital shampoo that she hated to use, he glad that her scent was slowly coming back after lying in her own bedroom; it always smelling of french vanilla or some perfume that she always wore. "Baby, don't lie to me," he said softly, eyes following the trails of tears that fell down her face. "Talk to me."

"I'm never going to be the same," she said softly, bringing her hands to her face to shield the tears from him, "I'm never going to be me again. Just look at Brian; he's not the same -"

"He is better," AJ corrected, tugging at her shoulder for her to roll onto her back to look at him. "Audrina, things happen in life that aren't easy to explain or have no explanation at all; this just-so-happens to be one of those moments. God wouldn't deal you a deck of cards that you didn't know how to deal."

"Stop being all philosophical," she mumbled, eyes glazed over as she stared at the ceiling. "I don't need philosophy lessons right now."

He sighed deeply, rolling away from her and lying on his back, not wanting to start anything. As he lie there, the silence from her, the music that she helped make and the nagging questions on his mind convinced him otherwise. "What's your problem with me, huh?"

She turned her head, slightly taken aback. "What?"

"You heard me," he said, getting up and looking down at her confused form, "what is your deal? Do you not want to be near me? Do you not want to be with me? Is that it? Do you suddenly hate me? Did I say something to upset you? Because, suddenly, I feel as if you're treating everyone like gold and me like shit. Is this all about JC? Is that what it's about? Because I swear, if you want to be with him, then you need to tell me now because I don't feel like being the stupid ass who got dragged along until the woman could figure out her love life. If you don't love me, you need to tell me. If you love him, you need to tell me. If I'm being paranoid, you need to tell me. I don't want to be sitting here, feeling as if you are angry at me, angry at the world when it could be something completely different. Or, hell, if I'm just being paranoid because I can't read you like I used to."

"How can you say something like that?" She asked, voice soft as she studied him, startled by his accusations. "How can you just throw this all on me? I thought you'd understand because you saw it happen to my brother, but apparently, you don't understand this at all. You don't know how I'm feeling. You don't know why I'm suddenly moody, how I've suddenly started to push you away? You have no idea."

"No, I don't," he snapped, she closing her eyes at the coldness in his voice, "this is why I brought it up. Enlighten me."

"I almost died, Alex," she said softly, swallowing hard as his own heart skipped a beat or two. "I almost didn't make it out of the operating room alive. You think I would suddenly be okay? That I would suddenly embrace life like Brian did? Well, you're wrong; suddenly life doesn't seem so swell. I wonder why the hell I'm even here if God is going to keep putting me through the same ridiculous shit I had to witness my brother go through. Do you think I want to have to rely on people for the next two months and be the pain in the ass burden that I know I will be? That I want to go through cardio rehab? That I want to have to carry an oxygen tank with me everywhere I go 'just in case'? That the thought of not being here and leaving you all behind doesn't run through my brain almost every single second I'm awake? That I don't dream about what life would be like if I suddenly died? Because for the last week and a half, I have been and it's killing me. I don't have the drive to live, AJ; I don't want to have to worry about all of this anymore. I don't ... I don't want to live like this. I don't want to go to bed wondering if it's the last time I'll be here because my heart is like a time bomb. I don't want to wake up and wonder if it's the last time I will wake up; wake up next to you, wake up at all. I'm pushing you away because losing you would be less painful with us apart than if we were together if something would suddenly happen. For the first time in my life, I want to die. I can't deal with this. I can't ... I can't live like this. I don't want to ... I just can't. I can't handle this, I can't deal with this and I don't want to face it. I should have died on that table. They should have let me so I wouldn't have to suffer like this -"

"D, stop," AJ grabbed her face, tears falling down his cheeks at his girlfriend's admittance. "Don't you think that for one second that you will ever be a burden. You, are the love of my life, Drina. You are the love of everyone's life that knows you. Don't say those kinds of things because it will be better. It will get better than it was before and you'll be as good as new. Don't think for one second that you not being here will be better for the rest of us, either. If you weren't here, I don't think I would be, either. Your brother wouldn't be who he is without you being around and God, I don't even know why I'm bringing this up, but neither would JC. You've impacted our lives to the point where we have no idea what our lives would be without you. Don't ever, ever say that life would be better without you, because it wouldn't."

Her eyes fluttered shut in pain, emotional pain as the back of his hand lightly smoothed against her skin, it wet from tears. He should have expected it; the doctor said that he saw it coming the day she was admitted: she was in a depression, a deep funk that would take a lot of coaxing to get her out of. Everything fell onto her shoulders and chest quickly and she had been dealing with those demons silently until that moment. In that moment, he saw the little girl that Brian introduced him to nearly sixteen years ago, just barely thirteen, just barely growing up into a young teenager. He saw the child-like innocence, the naive outlook on life, the wonder if it would all be okay in the end. As everyone aged with the stress that her surgery had given them all, she was rewinding back into childhood, not able to fend off her demons by herself and suddenly in need of that hand to hold, that body to hide behind.

"I love you," he said softly, she leaning into his hand as he cupped her cheek, fingers weaving into her hair. "I'm going to always be here for you, Audrina Brianne. You're not going to fight this alone, all right? We're all going to be behind you, making sure you get better than ever. We're going to be so inspiring it's going to be annoying. You're gonna wanna hit us all," he smirked, leaning down and placing a tender kiss to her forehead and then one to her lips. "I love you so very much for who you are, what you are and what you've done for me. Just know that regardless of where this life takes the two of us, I'm going to always, always be there for you. No matter where I am, no matter where you are, just say the word and I'd be right beside you. I'm not going to let you give up. I refuse to let you go down without so much of a fight. If I have to, I'll carry you and fend off every little demon you have myself. You're not alone. You never will be."

She sighed deeply, nodding against his hand as he put his forehead to hers, eyes dropping closed as he took in the one moment between them that was serene. She had slightly calmed, fingers loosely gripping his own from his free hand, she pulling herself up to wrap her arms around his waist, a shaky inhale followed by a sob escaping her lips as he frowned, placing his chin to her head, hands wrapping around her body and pulling her as close to him as he could get.



He shifted his weight from foot to foot as he stared up at the house, suddenly very aware of the past few weeks and emotions that had been let out of the bag. It was nearing eight in the evening, all but the front room dark with the exception of the eerie glow of the small table light in her room welcoming him.

"Jace?"

He jumped, seeing Brian sitting on her porch swing, nodding as he approached the slightly older man. "Hey," he said softly, looking at Brian as he took in the bouquet of assorted tulips in JC's hand. "For your sister."

"I figured as much," Brian said, an easy smile gracing his tired face. "She'll love them. Those are her favorite."

"I know," he said, dropping his hand back down as Brian moved over so JC could sit. He sat down, setting the flowers on the banister by the swing. "How is she doing," he asked softly, staring at his feet as Brian sighed deeply. "I know it's going to be hard for a while; I remember when you went through it -"

"She's taking it pretty hard," he said softly, "AJ said she said a lot of things that he hadn't expected, but he wouldn't elaborate. He just said it was unlike her. She isn't grasping the essence of how amazing life is when you've been handed a second chance like I did; she's actually going the opposite way."

JC nodded. "For every little thing the two of you share in similarity, there's one trait that the two of you are complete opposite. I think we all expected this."

Brian nodded. "I just wish I could do something; that one of us could. She doesn't want to talk, she just wants to sleep. She hasn't eaten, and when she does, it's a bite or two. The only person she has let in was AJ. I know she said something to him that freaked him out; I saw his face when he left to go pick up her prescription. He was crying. He was visually upset and he wouldn't tell me why. I know we're all shaken up about this, but something happened when they were upstairs and he just seems like he's suddenly grasping onto every little thing he can. He didn't leave her side all night. We had to make him come downstairs to eat while she was sleeping. He exhausted himself with worry that he actually fell asleep leaning up against the wall. This isn't my family, JC; this isn't how we respond to crisis. This took us all and just turned us upside and dropped us on our heads. None of us know how to approach her."

"Sometimes," he said, shaking his head as a small smile crossed his face, "actions speak louder than words. And I can't believe I just quoted her song."

Brian laughed slightly, placing a hand on JC's shoulder. "She's sleeping now, but I'm sure if she knew you were here she'd want to see you."

"I'm not quite sure about that," he said softly, inhaling as he got up, ignoring Brian's quizzical look. "But I will go see her anyhow. Even if it's just for a few seconds." He picked up the flowers, entering the house quickly.

Her door was slightly open, his body turning cold as he was brought back to the past, never wanting to feel the way he just had ever again.

"Drine, where you at?" He set his keys down, shrugging off his zip-up hoodie to block his skin from the cold, eyes wandering around the downstairs curiously. It was nearing midnight, he having spent the last ten hours in the studio, working on more demos for his album. "Audrina?"

The climb up the stairs was like a gradual body weight on his feet. He felt dread form in the pit of his stomach, the door open and her small cries heard from inside. The door suddenly was so far away as he quickly made his way into her bedroom, she sitting on the edge of her bed. "Baby, what's wrong?" He dropped to his knees in front of her, trying to read her face as she looked away, hand over her eyes to hide her tears. "Audrina, baby, you're scaring me."

"Brian's sick," she said, voice hiccuping as his heart sank. "He has to have surgery again. They found another hole. It's bigger than the first one. It went undetected and it grew and now it's a major operation and they don't think his chances are high with how weak his heart is."

"Drina," he said softly, gripping her hands as she looked down at him, biting her lip so hard that her skin had whitened, "he's going to be fine. And after that surgery, you're going to wonder why you worried so much. He's going to be fine. He'll be better than ever and he'll be more in shape than you and I, combined."

"I hope so," she said, tears still falling down her face as he swiped them away, "I can't lose my brother. I don't know what I'd do if he -"

"You won't have to think about that," he said, pulling her to stand with him, "he's going to be fine, Audrina, I promise you. He'll be fine. You'll be fine after this is all over. Life will be better than it used to be, all right? Just, have faith."

She nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her lips to his, he tasting her tears as he frowned, holding her tightly to him. "Thank you."

"Whatever happens, we'll get through it," he promised. "We always do."

They'd get through it, just like he said. They'd get through it. "We will," he said softly, willing himself to push the door open further, her sleeping form curled up in about five or six blankets, skin a ghostly pale. Her fingers were clutching onto a pillow, hair matted to her forehead in a cold sweat. He knew what she had said, he didn't have to question AJ, question her. He knew that she was polar opposite of Brian when it came to things of faith and life. She didn't want to go through all the pain, all the rehabilitation. She was depressed, wanting nothing more than to die and not face any more of what life would throw at her. She wasn't as strong as Brian, not alone, anyway. He didn't have to wait for AJ to tell him what she had said: it was still written all over her face, all over the way she was at that moment.

He took in a shaky breath as he crossed the room, setting the flowers on the nightstand next to the lamp. He eyes drifted back to her face, tears forming in his eyes as he thought of the few weeks that had just happened, not wanting to relive the thoughts that had gone through his mind. He was so afraid he'd lose her that he admitted he still loved her. He was so afraid that there would never be a chance that he told her he loved her, while she was in love with another man.

He studied her face, hand moving up to her forehead and smoothing the hair away from her skin and back against the rest of the light strawberry blond waves that bunched up above her head, her eyelids fluttering with his touch. He placed a kiss on her forehead, lips lingering there at the warmth of her skin to the coolness of his touch, hand still in her hair as her eyes slowly opened, focusing on him. "Hey," he said softly, "you okay?"

She didn't beat around the bush as she shook her head slowly, letting her eyes fall shut again as he lie down next to her, her head immediately going towards his chest, hissing slightly at the pain that it brought in her chest. "I don't think I ever will be."

"Nonsense," he said, shaking his head against hers, "you will be. I promise."

"I don't want to be here," she mumbled, "I can't take this pain anymore ..."

He looked over at the unopened bottle of pain killers, knowing full well that they'd at least help her with the pain and sleep. "Take the medicine, Audrina."

"I don't want to," she said, shaking her head as he pulled away, lifting his body up as he took the bottle, taking the two pills she was supposed to take and the water bottle that had been sitting on the floor next to her bed. "Jace -"

"You'll forget about the pain," he said, "even if it's only for a little while. You need to sleep, Audrina. Please, just take them."

She sighed deeply, rolling onto her back and popping the pills into the back of her throat, accepting the water bottle as she shut her eyes, the pills going slowly down her throat. "Happy?"

"No," he said, she looking at him in confusion, "I'm not because you're not. You've gotta stop carrying yourself like this, Rina; you've gotta realize that you were given another chance. Another chance to live life the way you wanted to the first time around. You have to stop feeling sorry for yourself, sorry for the situation and realize you're alive. You get to face another day with the people you love. We get to have you around for longer. Just let them help you, let us help you ... stop feeling sorry for yourself."

She frowned, shaking her head and yawning deeply as he watched her shut her eyes, the medication taking it's toll quite quickly on the sleep front. "I can't do this ..."

"You can."

"I don't want to be alone ..."

"You won't be."

"I can't choose between you two," she mumbled, he looking at her in confusion. "Don't make me ..."

"What?" He frowned, seeing that she was already sleeping. What had she just said?

He lie back down, arm supporting the back of his head as he stared at the ceiling. Suddenly, he wasn't quite sure about anything anymore.