"You're difficult."
She smirked as she watched the scene unfold in front of her, her past form kneeling on the couch, recording JC as he sat, pencil between his lips, staring down at a piece of paper, his chicken scratch for writing barely legible as they attempted to continue writing for her third album.
"I'm not difficult," she said from behind the lens," I'm just recording a master at work. How's that difficult?"
"I'm trying to talk to you and you're trying to be all pain in the ass and difficult with that camera," he laughed, slightly frustrated with the song and her not wanting to work on it since she had been unable to think of anything to put down on paper since they had started having trouble. "Put the camera down and get back to the piano, little girl."
"Little girl?" She laughed at his little remark, setting the camera down on the table so that it caught him from chest up, she throwing herself onto his lap and crossing her arms across her chest, lip jut out as the pencil that was in his mouth literally spat out as the air rushed out of his lungs, he laughing as his hands flew to her arms, gripping them to steady his falling self. "I'm not little!"
"No, but you are difficult! Nothing is ever easy with you!"
"I never said it was!"
Picking up the remote, she paused the television and reached forward, grabbing the legal pad from the end table and a pen, pausing as she felt her heart slightly flutter for a moment, breath hitching as if she were going to yawn, but didn't. Shrugging, she put the pen to the pad, suddenly inspired with a verse.
It's not so easy loving me
It gets so complicated
All the things you gotta be
Everything's changing
But you're the truth
I'm amazed by all your patience
Everything I put you through
When I'm about to fall
Somehow you're always waiting
With your open arms to catch me
You're gonna save me from myself
"Hey, you home?"
She looked up, hearing the soft knocking on her front door as it opened, suddenly losing sense of breath once more to speak, slightly panicking as she put the pen down momentarily, hands to her legs as she inhaled, trying to breathe deeply. She felt sick. Her breathing was shallow, chest had tightened. She had to finish this. Had to get this down on paper before she lost all will to write.
"I'm gonna get a drink of water and take a tylenol, then I'll be in, okay?"
She didn't answer him, naturally, his faint footsteps heard echoing in the halls towards the kitchen as the light switch echoed, water ran and cupboard opened and closed, pills shook and the glass thunked against the counter.
"Audrina, you sleeping? You better not be, you promised a movie night tonight! You've got AJ the rest of the week, today's our day!"
She pushed off of herself, legs shaky as she attempted to stand as JC's wide eyes caught her pale face, he crossing the room in two long strides and grabbing her body as she collapsed into him, she crying out as a pain ripped into her chest, he scrambling to get her onto the couch, ripping the cell phone out of his pocket as he wiped the cold sweat from her forehead, her eyes darting frantically to catch his, to catch comfort within his, finding nothing but fright.
"I need an ambulance," he said frantically. "The Littrell Estate. I think she's having a heart attack!"
"We've stabilized her for now."
JC scrambled to his feet as a doctor approached him, pulling the blue mask from his face as the color slowly rose back to his pale cheeks, relief washing over him. "Is she going to be okay? Will she be able to go on without the surgery until it was planned?"
The doctor sighed, shaking his head. "Her heart went through a major trauma. Heart disease is a silent killer, Mr. Chasez; this could have very well killed her if you weren't there. She was very lucky you were there to save her. You saved her life, saved her from her own mistake of putting off more than she already has. She told me she's been having trouble breathing the past few dayss and those are major warning signs that her heart has been in distress for quite some time. I've scheduled surgery as soon as her heart stabilizes enough for us to take her up and an OR clears. Have you contacted her family?"
He sniffed, clearing his throat as he nodded. "Her brother is on his way, as well as her parents. They are flying in from Kentucky with her brother. Is she - is she awake?"
"In and out of sleep," he said, nodding. "We have her on oxygen to keep her levels up and her breathing; she gave us quite a fight. She's on Nitorglycerine to reduce the workload on her heart and improve the blood flow through the coronary arteries and we've given her ACE Inhibitors, reducing the strain on her heart. We need to keep it as strong as we can for this surgery, JC. If we have to put it off, it can weaken even more and it may not be possible to do."
His stomach sank to his feet as he looked at the doctor in disbelief. "What do you mean? What would happen if you couldn't? Could she - I mean, would she -"
"She would eventually succomb to her disease," he said softly as he watched the younger man's exterior crumble, "we've been monitoring her and are very positive on her outlook, but we have to look at both sides of the outcome. JC, think positively, all right? Why don't you go in there and see her, okay? You're probably the only person she's going to want to see right now."
He nodded, putting his hands to his eyes and pressing hard, ridding them of tears as he walked quickly down the hospital emergency room corridor, feet squeaking beneath him. He hated everything about hospitals: the look, the smell. It seemed as if his worst fear was becoming evident to him then, it was unravelling beneath his feet and he was living it. He was slowly losing her and he wasn't even with her to make it even more bitter. The one woman he loved was lying in a hospital bed, suffering from a massive heart attack and here he was, living alone because of the exact thing that brought her here and his own fear to face up to the inevitable.
He peeked into the room, feeling the color leaving his face once more as his heart lept out of his chest and bile rose up his throat, his swallowing hard as he saw her lying there, skin pale with an oxygen mask adorning her face. Her eyes were closed gently, lashes gently fluttering.
He pushed the door open gently, leaving it open a crack as he stepped in, running his hands up and down his arms to rid them of goosebumps, sitting down in the hard chair beside her. She was a completely different person to him then; suddenly, she wasn't just the woman he regretted giving up, she was the woman he had fought for all those years ago. There was a difference. A big difference. He swallowed a sob as he took her hand gently, letting his head lull forward, tears slipping past his eyelids as he brought her hand to his face, he unable to contain his tears any longer. "I'm so sorry, Audrina; so, so, sorry ..."
A weak grip on his hand startled him after a few moments, he looking up and meeting her half-lidded gaze, her free hand going up and pulling down at the oxygen mask, he protesting as she shook her head. "JC -"
"You're going to make it through this, Drina," he said softly, eyes slowly welling up, voice quiet as he fought back tears, gripping her hand tightly with both of his shaking hands, mouth murmuring against them, "you're going to make it through this and you'll be fine. You'll be fine ..."
She studied his face through her own tears, the oxygen only doing so much for her breathing as she hiccupped with the last bits of her sobs, blinkingly slowly. "Josh," she said softly, his forehead to their hands, "Josh ..." She pulled her hand towards her face, bringing him to look up at her, his hands moving towards her as he moved with their hands, confused. "That engagement ring that you have, it wasn't Justin's, was it?"
He licked his lips slowly, eyes dragging down to their hands once more and shaking his head. "No," he said softly, "it's not."
"I knew you lied to me," she said softly, letting her eyes slide shut as a tear fell, feeling his head drop in defeat onto her stomach, her hand weakly going onto the top of his head and weaving her fingers into his head gently, "why?"
"You didn't need to know the truth," he murmured, "you didn't need to know what kind of coward I was; you didn't need to have that burden on your shoulders when you're happy with AJ."
"Why couldn't you have just told me back then when -"
"I was scared, Audrina," he said softly, her hospital gown warming as the tears soaked through her hospital gown. "Scared of losing myself, scared of losing you if this should ever happen ... and then I stopped questioning it for a while and I began to warm up to the idea again. The guys started jabbing at me and I let that get to me and I just freaked. I lost sense of who I wanted to be, what I wanted us to be and I hightailed it out of there. I lost the only thing I ever wanted in my entire life and I've regretted it every single day since."
She opened her mouth to speak, eyes glassed over with tears as a voice bellowed in the halls, demanding to know where his girlfriend was, both people turning to look in the doorway just as AJ appeared, eyes wild with fright as he nearly lunged at her, wrapping his arms around her. "I'm okay, AJ, really ..."
"God, I was so scared," he said softly, voice riddled with tears, "when JC called and said you had an attack ..."
"I'm okay."
"No, you're not!"
JC got up, slipping out silently as boyfriend and girlfriend spoke, not wanting to be in the middle of the intimate interaction. He'd go outside, get a coffee, pretend to be interested in it and wait for Brian. Wait for her parents. Wait for someone. He'd much rather wait for insanity to take over, but he was pretty sure it already had with his admittance that had happened, though her reaction wasn't what he had expected.
Though she wasn't exactly in a good condition to stand up and slap him and then kick him where it counted, either.
"Leigh!"
JC got up quickly, eyes darting to where AJ quickly moved, greeting the woman who entered the hospital room. Alone.
Alone.
He had a sense of dread, eyes casting over to the sleeping Audrina, who had been lulled to sleep by Aubrey, who had been smoothing the hair away from her forehead for the last forty five minutes she and Aundrea had been there, meeting their concerned gazes. The unspoken question had been sought to the sad woman who kept hold of AJ with one hand, approaching Audrina and grasping her hand with the other.
"I tried to get him to come," she said softly, voice barely audible. "He freaked out. He literally went into hysterics. I have never seen him like that in my entire life. He just up and left ..."
"Do you know where he went?"
She looked up at JC, shaking her head as everyone dropped their heads in sadness, JC's eyes never once leaving the hand that still gripped his, even in sleep. "Nick is looking for him. Howie's calling everyone. Kevin's flying out here, so he's unreachable. If they find him, they'll bring him, but I don't know what else to do ..."
"There isn't anything else you can do," Aundrea said softly. "Where's Baylee?"
"I called Johnny," she chuckled, shaking her head. "Made him watch him. He doesn't need to be around this."
"No," AJ said, shaking his head as he took Leighanne's spot, hand instantly taking Audrina's, now opposite of JC.
"You know," Aubrey said softly, leaning towards Aundrea as the smaller woman looked towards her friend, eyes still settled on their ailing friend, "if Audrina was awake right now, she'd be having another heart attack."
"That's not funny, Bree."
"It's not meant to be," Aubrey said, shaking her head, "look at them. The two loves of her life, by her side for the most hardest thing she's ever had to go through and I know this is gonna end horribly for one of them. I just know it."
"Do we really have to talk about love triangles right now?"
"What do you want to talk about?"
"Nothing."
"Love triangles are better than talking about nothing, Drea," Aubrey mumbled, "I can't take hospitals, I can't take seeing my friend like this ..." she got up, defeated. "I need to get a coffee."
Aundrea got up, looking at everyone. "I'm going to make sure she's all right."
"I'm going to check to see if Nick or Howie found Brian," Leighanne said as both girls left, JC and AJ both looking on in confusion, suddenly aware of each other's presence in the room, alone.
"How are you holding up," JC asked softly, eyes slowly going back down to his hands, AJ clearing his throat. "Okay?"
"Yeah," he said, tone matching his, "you? I know you've gone through this before, too ..."
"I'm okay," he nodded. "but you've gotta be going crazy, man. This is your girlfriend. And you went through this with Brian, too ..."
"JC, stop with the act, all right, man?"
JC looked up, eyes wide. "What?"
AJ shook his head, giving him a weak, weak smile. "I know she was your girlfriend once. I know she's one of your best friends. This is killing you just as much as it's killing me. You don't have to play the saint here, okay? I know you're just as scared as I am. Just as freaked, just as petrified."
He nodded, putting his head down as he said a silent prayer, feeling the bed shift, hand moving in his.
"Hey, sleepy."
Looking up, he saw as she opened her eyes slowly, meeting AJ's gaze as she gave him a weak smile. "Hi."
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm okay," she said, shrugging, "just, tired." Her eyes panned around the room, confused. "Where's everyone?"
"Aubrey and Aundrea went to get some coffee," AJ said, gesturing behind him, "and Leigh when to call to check on Baylee."
"And Brian?"
"He's -"
JC met AJ's sad gaze, turning to look at Audrina. "He's down the hall talking to the doctor. Being a pain in the ass. Just wants the best for you, is all."
She nodded. "Oh. Okay. When did he get here?"
"N-not long ago," AJ said, recovering quickly. "Probably about ten minutes ago. I'm gonna go see if he hasn't been committed in the crazy ward yet," he grinned weakly, kissing her hand and then her forehead, leaving the room as Audrina turned her head tiredly towards JC, giving him a weak hello.
"I swear you sleep more than I do."
"I don't think that's possible," she said, shaking her head as she yawned. "I seem to remember you being the one that slept in and went to bed earlier."
"I seem to remember a certain girl being the one that kept me up late watching movies and woke me up early to go out to breakfast at McDonald's because she was hungry for their Egg McMuffin."
She gave him a smirk, closing her eyes as she sighed deeply. "Jace?"
He turned his head, studying her face. For the first time that entire time they had been in that hospital room, she seemed calm, content, even. "Yeah?"
"Why do you still have that ring?" He opened his mouth to speak, stopping as she spoke again. "And don't lie to me."
He chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. "I ... I just couldn't get rid of it. I kept it to remind me of what I could have had. I kept it remind me of what I did have. What I should have. After all this time, it's still a constant reminder, even if it's just in that box."
"After all that time?"
"After all that time," he repeated. "Nothing's changed."
"Nothing."
He laughed. "Not since day one, Rina."
She opened her eyes, looking at him seriously. "Go shut the door, JC."
Looking at her, eyebrows knitted in confusion, he got up, walking to the door and slowly pushing it closed. He walked back towards his seat and sat back down, looking at her. "What's going on?"
"I want to know that from you, JC."
"You're the one in the hospital bed."
"And you're the one holding onto an engagement ring from years ago."
He cringed. "Okay ..."
"So why was I never given it?"
"Because, I thought this would happen and I'd never be able to give it to you." He cringed with how fast it came out of his mouth, the word vomit making him sick to his stomach as he saw her give him a blank look. "That, if we got married, I'd have to bury my wife before I even got to have a life with her, start a family. I was afraid I'd lose her before we even got to be husband and wife. I didn't want to lose you in the first place and I thought pushing you away was the best thing for me ..."
"You're a genius, Chasez."
"You don't have to tell me twice."
She sighed deeply, shaking her head. "That hurt."
"I know. Right now, I don't know how you're not getting out of that bed and strangling me with that IV tube right now or stabbing me with that IV needle ..." he shuddered, face paling at the mention of the needle. "I just wanted to be happy, Audrina. I wanted us both to be happy. More than anything, I want you to be happy. I'm sorry that I was so stupid back then to think that losing you was the best thing for the both of us, and I'm sorry that I hurt you because if I could, I'd take it back. Losing you was the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life. Losing you was my biggest mistake, my biggest regret. I loved you. I loved you so much that I thought I had to let you go because it was such a big risk."
"And now?"
"Now, what?"
"Now what do you feel?"
He laughed. "Now I feel like I'm the biggest loser because you're with someone who knows what he has and won't give you up and I've gotta start from scratch."
"No," she said, stopping him from getting up, hand grabbing onto his as he looked at her in confusion, "do you still love me?"
He felt the color drain from his face, her eyes burning into his as he licked his lips, hearing AJ's voice closing in on the door with the three women. "Yes," he said softly, watching as her eyes brimmed with tears, "I do. Very much so."
She inhaled what air she could, breath shaky. "Wow," she said softly. "Wow."
"What about me," he said, eyes searching hers, ears perking as they heard the door knob turn. "What about you?"
"I don't know, JC," she said, shaking her head as they both watched the door slowly open, "I don't know how I feel anymore ..."
"I don't want to do this, I-I've changed my mind," she looked up at him as she lie on the gurney, they prepping to take her in as she cried, gripping onto his hands tightly. "I don't want to go in there, Aje, I can't ... I can't go in there ..."
"Hey, hey, look at me," he said softly, sniffling as tears forced their ways out of his own eyes as he studied her desperate and frantic face, "you can do this, and you will. You'll be fine and you'll come back to me, good as new. You'll wake up from the anesthetic and be greeted by my smiling face. You can do this, D; I know you can," he pulled her hand up to his mouth, kissing it gently.
"And you'll be the first face I see?"
"It wouldn't be any other way," he said softly as they began to pull her away from the wall, chest heaving with sobs as his own heart broke to see her the way she was. "You're going to be fine, Audrina Brianne. And when you come back, there's something I gotta show you. So you know you gotta make it through for this."
She nodded, eyes clenched tightly as they unhooked her IV's from stands, lying them on the bed next to her, monitors turning off as he pressed a kiss to her lips. "I love you," she said, eyes searching his, "AJ, I love you. Tell Brian and JC and everybody else that I love them, too. My mom and dad ..."
"Tell them that when you come back," he said, giving her a smile as she nodded weakly at him. "I love you, Audrina. Don't cause any havoc in there for them," he said, forcing a grin on his face as the nurses smiled weakly at him, he stepping out into the hall and watching as they wheeled her beyond the point that he couldn't go, feeling a hand clamp on his shoulder. He had made it. "Brian," he said softly, turning to look at the man, he looking just as lost as him, "she's so damn scared. She wanted to back out -"
"She'll be okay, Bone," he said softly, wrapping his arms around him and hugging him tightly, "she has to be."
"She went in?"
AJ and Brian turned to face JC as the others approached quickly behind, both nodding. "They had to take her in now. Her heart wasn't doing so good," AJ said, choking up. "She did have a heart attack. It caused damaged to the tissue and was putting stress on the heart by the hole. They have to use a heart and lung machine. Put a circuit into the lungs and anti-coagulants ..."
"Typical procedure with a heart-lung machine," Brian said softly, his parents stepping past JC and hugging Brian, Harold following and placing a comforting hand on AJ's shoulder. "She'll make it, she has to ..."
AJ swiped at his eyes, meeting JC's own deer-caught-in-headlights look. "How are you holding up, man?"
He licked his lips, trying to force a smile. "I'm okay." AJ looked at him and his shoulders slumped. "I'm scared to death."
"We all are," he said, reaching forward and patting his back, bringing him closer to the comfort huddle that had been built with family, and now AJ and JC, Aubrey and Aundrea huddled between the two men.
"She's going to be okay," JC said, swallowing hard. Both men stood in silence as the faint murmurs of family circled around them, the ex and the current boyfriends taking comfort in what they both shared. It may have been a weird situation to be in, given the circumstances, but when it dealt with the Littrell family, it was normal. They both loved the same woman who lie right down the hall in the operating room, both, God willing, who would give their heart to her if need be.
Story Tags: firsttime tour triangles boyfriendjc showersex hospital bsb
