"I really am sorry."
She curled into him and sighed deeply, his arms wrapped around her waist, fingers rubbing gentle circles into her warm skin. "It's fine, AJ."
"I just worry about you. And when Brian worries, I worry ..."
"I know," she murmured, her mind elsewhere. Her mind had been elsewhere the moment she had picked up that engagement ring and heard his answer. She knew when he lied, she knew just by the flash that went across the blues of his eyes that he was unable to think of something quick enough. He was holding something back. That wasn't Justin's ring. The ring was gorgeous. It looked like it was brand new. It couldn't be his. It couldn't of been AJ's - could it?
She pulled away, greens gazing into the dark browns of his as he looked at her, looked at her the way she had always wanted to be looked at: loved, admired, wanted, respected, needed. Maybe, maybe it was his. It still made no sense, but it made more sense than what JC had said.
"What's that look for," AJ asked, a smile playing on his lips, "you look confused."
"Nothing," she said, shrugging as she pulled herself back into his body and closed her eyes, immediately tiring with the warmth enveloping her, "just thinking."
"And you're thinking about something other than your health, right?"
"AJ, I'm fine."
"All right, I'm just making sure. I worry."
"You worry, Brian worries, my parents worry, JC worries. You all worry way too much and it's annoying."
"Well, you do have a surgery coming up in less than two weeks. It's kind of something we can't help."
"Well, can you do me a favor and leave the worrying to me? Play the strong card and let me worry about this crap." She opened her eyes, staring at his chest as she watched it slowly rise and fall with every breath he took. No, it wasn't his ring. It couldn't be. He wouldn't give JC a ring to hold for him. He'd be crazy to do something like that. AJ was crazy, but not that crazy.
"Is that your phone or mine?"
She pulled away again, glancing back at their phones sitting on the night stand, her pink phone lighting up in the darkness of the room. "Mine," she said softly, reaching over and pulling it to her line of vision. "It's Aundrea." She pulled the phone to her ear, greeting her friend. "Hello?"
"Sorry I'm calling so late, but Diddy had an idea."
She laughed slightly, scooting her body away from AJ's and leaning up against the back of the bed, running a hand through her hair. "It's one in the morning, Drea. Are you in the studio?"
"Yeah, actually, we are."
"Doing what?"
"We're getting ready to re-record Damaged and put it out as a B-Side for a single ..."
"And you had to call and tell me that," she asked, laughing. "I was just about to go to sleep."
"Well, Diddy had an idea ..."
"That involved me."
"Right," Aundrea replied. "Which involves you putting on jeans and a t-shirt, putting on a pair of flip flops, getting your car keys and driving down to Diddy's home studio."
"Aundrea," she whined, AJ looking up at her curiously as she slid out of bed, sliding off her pajama shorts and pulling on a pair of jeans, AJ sitting up and watching her cross the bedroom silently, "what's going on?"
"Diddy wants you to do the first verse of Damaged and do vocals for the song. He ... he kind of knows you'll be out for a while and thinks it'll be a good way for you to go out with a bang for a while."
She froze. "He knows?!"
AJ stood, crossing the room to stand in front of Audrina, eyes studying hers in confusion. "Rine, what's going on?"
"Diddy knows," she said softly, shaking her head in bewilderment. "Drea, did you tell him?"
"No," she said, alarmed, "no one did. You know how people talk, Drina; you know how media speculates. But he probably found out through Johnny. It's not a big deal -"
"It is a big deal!" Her eyes widened as she felt the tears form in her eyes, AJ looking alarmed as she watched her sudden change of emotion right in front of him, she holding her hand up to stop him from making a move to comfort her as she took a deep breath to calm herself, "Drea, this whole thing with me, I want to do it under the radar. The only reason I told who I told was because you guys are involved in my every day life. If I could have gone in for this surgery without telling my own brother, I would have. But it's not possible and I -"
"Please come record this with us," Aundrea said, not wanting to continue on with the ongoing subject and bring on an argument, "Dawn even wants you on the track. We need you for this. This is your song to begin with."
"It's late, Aundrea -"
"Right, like you and AJ were actually sleeping."
"Well, we could have been."
"Okay, being the fact that Johnny allowed him to wait until after your surgery to start his own club tour and gave you guys that two weeks to yourselves, I don't think you were sleeping."
"We were laying in bed."
"Naked."
"No! God, I'm beginning to think you hang out with Aubrey too much."
"We are in a group together."
She reached up, swiping at the tears that had escaped as AJ helped her, wiped off the smeared eyeliner as she smiled weakly, speaking to her friend a bit more before hanging up and sighing deeply. "I'm going into the studio with the girls for a bit."
He looked at her with an arched eyebrow, crossing his arms in confusion. I thought you were taking a break until after the surgery?"
"I thought so too, but maybe this will be a little less demanding since it's not really for me, you know? It's for Aundrea and Aubrey. I'm just lending my voice and it's only for a verse, I guess."
"And you're all right with this?"
"I have to be now."
"Audrina -"
"Look, AJ," she bit her lip, pulling off her t-shirt and reaching for a tanktop, tugging it down her body as AJ caught her hands, pulling her to him, waiting for an explaination, "if I come out of this surgery and decide that I don't want to do this anymore, I don't want to regret not doing something before. Or, if something happens and I'm suddenly gone, I don't want to just suddenly be gone. Let this be the last thing I've done."
"This isn't going to be the last thing you'll do -"
"I'm just saying," she said, hands gripping his at her hips, his thumbs rubbing her skin gently. "Just, let me have this thought. Just let me think this. Right now, I can't make heads or tails of my own situation. At this point, I'd rather bury myself in my career and die rather than have this surgery -"
"D -"
"I know I have to have it," she said softly, eyes slowly sliding down to their hands, voice shaky, "but sometimes, I wonder if I'd be better off."
"Don't ever think that."
She sighed, eyes dragging up back to his and nodding. "I know I shouldn't, but come on, don't you ever think of what could happen if something goes wrong?"
"No." He shook his head, placing a kiss to her forehead, she closing her eyes at the feeling of his lips to her skin. "Never."
When he pulled away, she smiled, pulling his hands away so that she could hold them to her chest. "AJ, can I ask you something?"
"Anything," he nodded, watching as she pursed her lips and then relaxed them, repeating it once more. "D, just spill it," he laughed. "I thought you were gonna leave!"
"You didn't buy me a ring, did you?"
"A ring?" He tilted his head, shaking it. "No, why?"
"I was just curious," she said, shrugging as she stood on tiptoe, kissing him on his lips as she grabbed her phone and purse, hurrying out of the bedroom before he could ask her anything else. "I'll be back later, get some sleep!"
"There she is, the woman of the hour!"
She puckered her lips just as Diddy approached her, kissing her cheek as she did the same, setting her things down on the chair in his studio, the girls all sitting as Aubrey and Aundrea approached her, Dawn and D. Woods getting up slowly after to greet soon after. "Hi, girls," she said softly, hugging Aubrey and Aundrea, receiving surprising hugs from the other two also. "So, what's going on with this?"
"This is my vision, Drina," Diddy said as he sat down on the stool in front of the sound board, swiveling the chair to face her, hands up and animated as he spoke, "first verse is all you. This song is yours already so you're going to be the one feeding it to the audience. You've got the ability to demand attention, and listening to your track, compared to the track from the album with Aubrey's introduction, I want yours. I want you to do it just as you did. I want you to push out the 'do' enunciated loudly, strong, powerful. Almost as if you're angry. I want you to be the secondary chorus with Aubrey and Dawn. After that, I want you to ad-lib behind Aubrey's second half of the second verse. Aundrea has the repeat of the first verse ..."
She sat there, listening to him as he went on and on about the song that she had sang numerous times on her own, now with four other women. This was probably the worst decision in her life that she had made. Judging by the look that Dawn had been giving her, it probably was. Then again, judging by the looks that Aundrea and Aubrey had also been giving her, the excited, 'bring it on', 'let's take on the world' kind of looks that she wished she had at that moment, maybe it would be all right. D. Woods, who was still quiet as she listened to Diddy and took in everything, gave her a tiny smile, though it unreadable after the slight upward slant of her mouth.
Aubrey studied her friend. "What's wrong?" She mouthed, eyes scanning everyone as Audrina did the same, noting Dawn's look and answering the question herself. "Oh."
Audrina nodded, though Diddy had thought it was for her. "Sounds good," she said softly. "Really good."
"And then, video tomorrow. We'll shoot it all in one day. It's all in two sets so it won't take too long. Probably just one day and then it can go into editing -"
She froze. "Wait, what?"
"The video," Diddy said, getting up and cracking his knuckles as he turned to look down at the soundboard, "we're going to release this as the girl's single."
"Excuse me?!"
"Audrina," Aubrey jumped up quickly, grabbing her arm as Aundrea grabbed her other, both girls pushing her out the doors towards the hall, "you have to help us, please."
"I thought this was just for a B side?"
"Drina," Aundrea said softly, her eyes wide, "Diddy wants to scrap us, okay! D and Dawn want out because our group is falling apart and they keep butting heads with everything and if this song doesn't sell then they're walking! This is our last chance to sell something ... you're our last chance for something ... you're our last chance!"
She stiffened. "Why didn't you tell me about this before?"
"Why? And burden you with other people's problems? Hell no. This is our battle. We'll get through it -"
"But you brought me into it now."
"Because you're our last resort. Well, Diddy's. He thinks that you're our saving grace, that your name being on this song is going to get us back up there and with your sudden disappearance, people are going to want to have a little piece of you because they don't know how long you're going to be gone without having another piece of your music again. They think you're just leaving the music industry again because you've had enough; they think you can't take it anymore, that you changed your mind. They think that you can't take being around the same industry as JC -"
Her eyes widened as Aubrey want off in a long tangent, looking over at Aundrea as she nodded sadly. "What -"
"And then with all this stuff going on with you, we didn't want to throw our problems on your shoulders because you had all this stuff going on in your mind with your surgery and all that stuff going on with AJ and JC and the media speculating the love triangle between you three -"
"Okay, what?!"
Aundrea laughed slightly. "Bree, don't forget she's usually clueless when it comes to media about her."
"Oh, right." She licked her lips, sighing a bit before she continued. "Apparently, JC really left the tour because AJ was coming to be with you and he couldn't be around the two of you and then you took a break from the tour because you couldn't not be around the two of them and the stress of having to choose was getting too hard to handle ..."
"Oh, that's original."
"Drina, please."
Audrina looked at the desperation written on both of her friends faces, sighing deeply. "I can't believe I'm agreeing to this -"
Delighted squeals cut her off as both girls dove at her, wrapping their arms around her neck and hugging her tightly, she frowning and returning the hug, placing her forehead on their shoulders, afraid to even know what she had just gotten herself into.
Six hours in the recording studio. Six hours for one song that had been already recorded previously. Six hours for one vocal. It was nearing eight in the morning and Audrina was already feeling the burn of exhaustion in her eyes as she stood in front of the microphone, barely listening to Diddy as he instructed her for the last bit of the song, she fiddling with the paper sitting on the music stand and toying with the necklace on her neck.
"You ready, Rina?"
Hiding a yawn, she nodded, pushing the headphones to her ear the music began yet again, the backing vocals playing as she ad-libbed, feeling the girls' eyes burn on her skin as she sang, shutting her eyes and picturing the body waiting at home for her, probably sleeping, but maybe not, sitting up on his own computer in bed, mixing music from his solo album, or even checking e-mail.
Or her brother, who was staying at the old L.A. house that the Boys used to rent out when they were recording some fifty miles away, definitely up and keeping his son company, either eating breakfast or watching cartoons while Leighanne tended to her business or cleaned up the endings of breakfast.
And then there was JC. He was sleeping. There was no doubt about it that he was sleeping. Especially since it was only eight in the morning. It'd be a good two, three hours before he got up on his day off to do something productive, to even greet the day, especially since he didn't eat breakfast.
Lucky him.
And here she was, ready to fall asleep standing up, singing a song she had already recorded, wrapped up and put on her cd, remixing it for another group so they wouldn't drown in the music industry because two of her best friends were involved.
"That was great!" Diddy cut her off as she silenced, pulling off the headphones and rubbing her aching ears, pulling up her hair as he instructed her to take a small break before going over to the lot to start getting ready for the video, a nap calling her name more than Aundrea, who was fast approaching her.
"Hey, hey, steady there," she laughed as Audrina's head dropped, exhaustion catching her quicker than she realized, Aundrea wrapping her arms around her waist, "you that tired?"
She nodded. "I didn't sleep well the other night."
"Why?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. Just, jitters, probably." She leaned into her friend, Aubrey falling into step with them and entwining hands with her, humming the melody of the song as the other two soon began to follow, the three sopranos walking slowly towards the set where Diddy had everything ready, giving the girls time for make-up, wardrobe, a small explaination and a slight breakfast.
"We're going to start shooting around noon," Diddy stated as Audrina and the rest of the girls looked up, all half-asleep and eating toast and fruit. "So I suggest either going to get some rest or going to catching up on choreography. Audrina, Aubrey can teach you the dance. You catch on quickly anyway since you are a dancer."
"Diddy, you're killing me here," she moaned, eyes dropping heavily as she dropped the fruit and saw the look he gave her, shaking her head in disbelief. He left the room, mumbling under his breath about underappreciation as she shot a look at both of her friends, they giving her sad glances before going back to their grapefruits, she getting up and slamming the door behind her, heading towards her designated make-up trailer.
She collapsed onto the couch, eyes immediately falling shut as sleep followed her. Barely hearing the door open and shut as she drifted off to sleep, she forced her eyes open as Aundrea and Aubrey crawled onto the couch, squeezing their way on either side of their friend and giving her apologetic looks as she smiled weakly, rolling her eyes and shutting them again, they laughing quietly. "Nap for two hours and then we'll work on choreography," she mumbled as Aubrey nodded against her arm, "I gotta call AJ, too. Make sure he knows I'm not dead or something in a ditch. Or didn't hang Diddy with a microphone wire."
The girls laughed, soon overcome with exhaustion and overtaken with sleep.
"I can't believe you actually agreed to do it," AJ laughed as she leaned up against the wall, listening to Diddy instruct Aubrey on something as he handed her the newly recorded song on the cd they had put it on, she listening intently as Aundrina rolled her eyes. Along with exhaustion, she had suddenly become very irritable and angry towards Diddy. "I'm about ten minutes away from the set now. You want me to bring you anything?"
"A shot gun."
"Well, I've got that," he joked. "Coffee? Tea? Food?"
"Tea would be good," she said, nodding. "And something sweet?"
"Well, I already said I'm coming ..."
"Ha, you're funny."
"Wow, you are cranky," he said, laughing slightly. "All right, I'll bring it. I'm pulling into the gas station now. I'll see you when I get there, okay?"
"Yeah." She hung up with him without so much as a goodbye, feeling horrible for doing so, but feeling even more horrible about being tired and being on set in the first place. Suddenly, she wanted to be normal, suddenly, the whole JC/ring thing was bothering her more and she wanted answers. Suddenly, she wanted to leave.
Suddenly, she felt emotional and wanted to cry.
She put the heels of her palms into her eyes, willing the tears to go away as she shook her head, looking up as the make-up people came in and did their thing, fussing over the bags under her eyes as she rolled her eyes, not saying a word and letting them continue. They piled on the foundation, brushed on silver eyeshadow and glitter, thickened the eyeliner, applied fake eyelashes after gushing over her already long ones and her high cheekbones and glossed her lips, letting hair and wardrobe come in, stripping her of her clothes and hair tie.
And that's when she lost it.
"Oh, hell no I'm not wearing that!"
"Audrina," the man stopped, holding up the small silver bathing suit looking outfit, it strapless, barely covering her breasts and skimming down her side in a thin strip to her hips and covering her front and back side, barely. "It's with the theme of the video."
"What is the theme?! FEMBOT?!"
"What's going on?"
Aundrea pushed her way into Audrina's make-up trailer, cracking up as she took in her best friend, dressed only in her bra and panties, eyes wide as she pointed disgustingly at the outfit. "Drina?"
"I'm not wearing that fucking thing!"
"Whoa," Aundrea laughed, "such foul languaged for such a religious little girl," she cooed, trying to ease the tension, "just, put it on. See what it looks like. It seriously just looks like a bathing suit, Drina. Maybe it'll look better on ..."
"I swear to god, if my hoo-ha leaves the building, it's your ass I'm going after," she mumbled, snatching the hanger from the wardrobe assistant as he stared after her, wide-eyed and confused as she disappeared into the bathroom.
"PMS-ing," she said, whispering as she grinned, listening to her best friend slamming things around as she pulled on the outfit, mumbling obsceneties with every movement she made.
"Knock, knock!"
Aundrea turned, grinning as AJ made his way into the trailer. "Hey, you made it just in time for the peep show!"
"Peep show," he cocked his head to the side as Audrina slammed the door open, eyes widening. "Whoa, baby." He stood, holding her tea and a bag of Skittles in one hand, pretzles in the other, completely blown away. "You look ... holy shit."
"I'm not wearing this."
"Audrina, who the hell knew you had legs like that," Aundrea chuckled as she took in her friend, shaking her head. "The sexpot shows!"
She stepped up to AJ, grabbing the tea and Skittles, turning away from him and mumbling under her breath, closing the sitting down and opening the bag as they flew everywhere. "I hate my life."
Aundrea grinned, looking at AJ as she edged away from her and headed towards the door. "I'm going to get ready. "I'll see you on the set, Drina."
"Here's your other outfit," Audrina," the wardrobe assistant replied, setting a pair of jeans and a silver corset tanktop on the table across from her as she shook her head, looking down at the Skittles at her feet. He walked away, leaving she and AJ alone.
"You all right," he asked, sitting down as she leaned her head backward onto the seat cushion, she yawning deeply as she nodded, leaning into him, nursing the cup between her hands. "You sure?"
"I'm just really tired and cranky," she mumbled. "I don't remember being this tired and cranky before. Maybe it's because I never had to deal with four girls and Diddy before."
"Maybe," he laughed. "But you do look hot in this get-up, D. You may have to take this home with you."
"Can you believe Diddy made me learn this whole dance, and then changed his mind and made me teach the choreography of the dance to my version of the song? I swear, he's trying to milk me dry," she mumbled, shutting her eyes tightly, "and then! Then, the bastard has at the end of the song a hospital scene where a guy flatlines on a table! Awesome scene, right? Yeah. My favorite. Good timing, Diddy, you asshole."
He heard the bass the moment he walked onto the lot, shaking his head with a smile as he approached the heavy door, pulling it open silently as Johnny approached him, finger to his mouth to keep him quiet as he pointed, eyes widening as he took in a dancing Audrina, center stage in between Dawn and D. Woods, doing the move on the hook with her hips like he had seen her do numerous times, jaw slacking. She owned the set, just as she had owned the stage.
"How's it going with the tension Dawn is bringing to the group?" He asked softly, smiling as he caught AJ's gaze, both men waving a hello to each other as his attention went back to Johnny, "I know she wasn't happy to begin with when this song started ..."
"She hasn't said anything about it. She knows their barely treading right now. Diddy thought that Audrina was their saving grace. If there was anyone who could get them afloat, it was her."
"Audrina's on her as a charity?"
"Yeah," he said, nodding. "She's doing it for her friends. "Aubrey told her and Aundrea basically begged her to do it."
"So why did you call me down here for?"
Johnny cleared his throat, holding up a pile of papers. "Contract."
"For what?"
"World tour."
"What ... what world tour?"
"The one you were supposed to do with Audrina."
"You got me out of it, Johnny." He looked at him, eyebrows knitted in confusion. "What's this all about?"
"After she gets her surgery, I don't want her going out there alone. AJ will be embarking on another tour with the Boys that he doesn't know about yet and I don't want him to be going apeshit because she's by herself. Aundrea and Aubrey don't know, but Danity Kane will probably no longer be Danity Kane if Diddy has his way. I may get them signed on a deal as a duo, but I'd really like you to go because I know you will catch something if something comes up with her. You catch things before she even does."
"Johnny, I'm not her keeper."
"No, but you love her."
His eyes widened, holding his hands up to silence him. "Johnny, seriously, man -"
"It's plain as day, I'm not stupid. But your secret is safe with me, all right? But what isn't safe with me is Audrina's health. She doesn't tell me things, and she refuses to tell anyone anything unless they force it out of her. She loves you, JC. For some unknown reason that no one knows, she still loves you. For reasons we don't know, she still holds you on a high pedestal; she'll tell you if something is wrong or she thinks something may be wrong. Just, please ... please go."
He sighed deeply, turning his head as watched her, the music playing back once more as she began from the beginning, standing in the front of the line, the girls behind her as she sang, hair pinstraight, adorned with bangs, the greens of her eyes piercing from even where he stood. He'd go over hell and high water for her. Go through the depths of hell and the below zero degree waters to make sure she was okay. Touring was no different. Suddenly, he was her guardian.
"Okay ..."
"What?"
He turned his head, looking at Johnny. "You're right. I do. And okay, I'll go. But don't make me regret this, Johnny. Don't make me regret this. Otherwise, I'm coming after you."
Story Tags: firsttime tour triangles boyfriendjc showersex hospital bsb
