"Johnny wants to put me out on a club tour," AJ said softly as he slid into the seat across from her at the small diner, they both trying to keep eye contact with patrons minimal to keep the craze down, they already being recognized and talked a good bit about in hush-hush tones.

"You?" She raised her mug to her mouth, sipping her hot tea slowly and watching him nod in response. "Without the guys?" Again, a nod. "I think that's great, AJ; why are you not as enthused?"

"I don't know. I mean, I am, but I feel as if I shouldn't be leaving them behind ... especially now ..."

"You mean me," she said, eyes gentle as he sighed deeply, nodding. "Aje, I'm gonna be okay, I promise you."

"I know, I just feel as if I'm throwing all this stuff on my plate without even thinking about it. I want to be able to spend time with you and not worry about what city I have to be in, how far away I am from you ..."

"Well, when does it start?"

"He wants me to perform at the House of Blues in Anaheim in four days."

Choking on her own air, she looked at him with wide eyes. "Four days? That's ... that's a short time to prepare in!"

"Well, I did do those solo shows earlier this year so I'm not exactly rusty," he noted, shrugging, "I just, I don't want to go if you're not there with me."

She smirked. "Are you asking me to come along with you, Alexander?"

He looked down at his fingers, picking at his cuticles before looking back up at her, voice soft. "Maybe," he replied, eyes studying her face, "I mean, if you want to. You don't have to, I just thought that maybe -"

"I'd want to come?"

"Well, yeah." He toyed with his napkin, ripping it in long strips and rolling it so that it'd curl back upward. "I mean, I know there's going to be a lot going on in the next two weeks and I just want to be around you as much as possible because I know how you are when you are recouperating ... "

She smirked. "I'm a big loner, this, I know."

Reaching over the table and gripping her hand, he sighed deeply and cast his eyes to the table. "I may seem like I'm being clingy; it's because I am. I'm trying so hard to be the doting boyfriend and all I can help but do is feel like I'm standing here with my invisible tail between my legs."

"Why?" She asked softly, eyes studying the top of his head as he shook his in response, "there's no reason for you to have to try and be the strong one, AJ. It was an inevitable thing that happened, and I should have known it would happen ... being that it happened to my brother. I guess, that I was just trying to act as if nothing was there and when it finally appeared, it took us all through a loop. There's no reason for you to try and be this big wall for me to lean on. I just need you to hold me when the time comes and assure me that it's going to be okay. Let Brian be the wall. I just want your arms."

He looked back up at her, eyes sad. "You've always got my arms."

She smiled weakly, smile widening when a song began to play in her head. "You know what would make my entire day?"

"What's that?"

"If you sang my song at your shows."

"Your song?" He looked at her, confused. "What's your so -" stopping mid-sentence, he looked at her, eyes wide and shaking his head. "Oh, no. Not that one. I haven't sang it in years."

"And what a better time to bring it back for your sick girlfriend."

"You're not sick ..."

"All right, diseased girlfriend."

He was silent. "Why do you make jokes about it? This is serious, D."

She felt her heart sink, seeing the sad expression that graced his otherwise strong face. "I guess it's just a defense mechanism; so I don't have to face reality."

"Audrina -"

"Because I'm scared as hell," she said softly, his face paling at her admittance. It hadn't been said since the first day, since then she making cracks about the surgery itself and her heart, bothering everyone else, but not, as it seemed, herself. "Because I'm afraid of lying on that table and flatlining and never seeing what my life could be five, ten years from now. Because, sitting here with you is the one thing I'm grasping without worrying if I'll ever be able to do this again with you after that surgery. If I die, I'm never going to see my brother again. I'm never going to see my family, the Boys, JC ... you. I don't want to live the days up to the surgery as if they're my last. I want to be oblivious. I want to be normal. I have not been normal for the last eight years of my life. Especially the last four. I want to have normalcy: a normal conversation not consisting of surgery, not consisting of what medications I have been taking. I want to be able to talk to my boyfriend about this club tour without him worrying about me. I want him to ask me to come with him for the first few dates because he wants me to go; not because he's worried if he leaves he won't see me alive again."

He frowned, releasing her hands and sliding out of his seat and into the booth beside her, arm going around her shoulder as he pulled her close to him. "Of course I want you to come be with me," he murmured, nuzzling his face into her hair as he kissed her head softly, "I want to be with you every second of the day because of who you are and what you mean to me. There isn't any doubt in my mind about that." His grip tightened as she leaned into him, head tucked beneath his chin as he stared out the window, watching as the soft beginnings of rain splattered against the large window. "Come spend the first few dates on tour with me," he said softly, "and then after your little break, the rest of it."

She nodded, he pulling away and smiling down at her. "So talk to me," he said, she lifting her head up to make eye contact with him, "tell me about this commercial you and Brian are doing this afternoon."

"It's a The More You Know commercial in between NBC and their special on Cardio-Vascular Procedures," she said, picking up her drink and sipping slowly. "Basically, he and I are giving facts about heart disease and how it affects people and why people need to focus more on it than they do."

"It's a good idea," he nodded, looking down at his watch. "What time you have to be there?"

"Noon."

He sat there, silent as he watched her twirl her straw in the water she had, frowning. She was thinking about it; he saw the pain flash in her eyes, saw the color drain from the rose of her cheeks. He spoke to himself mentally, willing to get the subject changed and onto something lighter, something that would get her mind off of the evidential. "So 'Lay Down Beside Me', huh?" He cleared his throat, watching as she lifted her gaze to his eyes, grin slowly twitching at the corners of her mouth as she nodded, he shaking his head in disbelief. "It couldn't be 'If You Knew What I Knew' or even 'Hey, Mr. DJ'?"

"Well, you can play those songs too," she grinned. "I wouldn't mind. Especially 'Hey, Mr. DJ' if you decide to ... lift up your shirt and gyrate like you used to."

"Audrina -"

"God, I felt like I needed to take a cold shower every time I watched you from the green room."

"Drina!"

She laughed. "It's true. You had a sexy body, McLean. Those hip indentations? That stomach? Gah!" She grinned as the red rose to his cheeks, she embarassing him for the first time in a long time. "And when you humped the floor? Good god, I needed a mop or something ..."

"Audrina," he chuckled, hand covering his face as he looked down, shaking his head in disbelief. "You seriously are messed up."

"It's in the Littrell code of honor," she grinned, "making asses out of you so we save our own."

"What ass? You don't have one!"

"I've got more than you!"

He grinned, shaking his head in disbelief. "Now I know why you're with me: just so you can see me seduce the floor and strip in front of other women."

"If I wanted that, I would have dated a stripper."

He laughed hard, she grinning widely as he fought to control himself, hands flat against the table. "God, I love you."

"I know."

"Totally wasn't the response I was looking for," he grinned, her smile matching his own. "But I guess that will do."

"Obviously, I love you," she said, voice softening a relatively large amount as he suddenly stopped laughing, hearing the tone that had appeared in her voice. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Ah, I do," he grinned, "make some other guy crazy."

"I'm serious, J."

He licked his lips, nodding. "I know you are."

"You mean the world to me. I don't think I could have gotten over a lot of things if it had not been for you."

"You're worrying me a bit, Drina," he said, scratching his head in confusion, "I've gotta admit this is all a little weird to hear out of the blue."

"I just wanted you to know that," she said softly, he nodding. "You're my everything."

He smirked, this time, song lyrics going through his own mind. "You're the reason why I found my way. And you're the reason why I feel this way. And you're the reason why I have to say - I had to let you know, you're my everything ..."

"Stop quoting that song," she laughed slightly, "I was being serious."

"Let's skip the serious," he said, getting up and fishing out money, putting it on the table and grabbing her hand, tugging her out of the booth as she looked on questioningly. "Let's skip the talk all together," he murmured, she screeching as the cold raindrops fell onto them, laughing when they reached his Land Rover, he pushing her up against it out of view of everyone else but the empty highway, mouth pressing against hers as she melted into him, chest flush against his.

The kiss was warm despite the cold of the water, his hand palming her cheek, fingers gripping the back of her neck as she pressed against him, hands gripping the fabric of his quickly drenched t-shirt, shivering against the different temperatures hitting her body. His other hand was resting beneath the hem of her own shirt, fingers gently squeezing her skin. Pulling away slowly, the rain falling down their faces as they blinked away whe drops on their eyelashes, he licked his lips, eyes slowly fluttering shut when she leaned her forehead against his. "I love you, D."

His voice was soft, being nearly taken away by the rain as the slow smile formed wider on her face, hands still holding onto his body, clothes now soaked through from the pouring rain. "I love you, Alexander."

"I'm gonna be there for you, Audrina; through everything. Don't ever think that will change, because it won't. This is just another hurdle that we've gotta jump. Once we clear it, we'll be fine and we'll go on with the life we were living ..."

She nodded. "I know. I planned on it."

"Good. Now, let's get into this damn car because this rain is freezing!"

"Pansy!"

He laughed, getting in and locking the door as she called out in surprise, unable to get in. Within a few seconds, he unlocked it, she hurriedly getting in and slamming the door. "I can't believe you," she mumbled, another laugh escaping her lips as he grabbed her hand, pulling her in for another kiss. "You know, they're going to arrest us for too much PDA or something."

"Let 'em," he said, shrugging as he pulled away, smirk on his face. "Just as long as you are my cellmate."

"Why?"

"Because no one else is claiming me as their sex bitch," he chuckled, starting the car and blasting the heat as she grinned from beside him. "Let's go home, shall we?"

"Let's."



"You went over your lines?"

She cast her eyes over to Brian who had been sitting in the make-up chair next to her, she nodding as the woman before her brushed powder onto her nose and forehead. "What about you?"

"Piece of cake."

"Piece of white cake."

"With mom's icing," Brian added, both siblings making a sound of want when the favorite treat their mother made crossed their minds. "God, what I wouldn't give to have some of that right now ..."

"I know how to make it, Brian. We can have some."

"I don't think you understand: I'd eat the icing in the bowl it was made in. I'm a woman when it comes to that, I have no shame."

"You're a woman anyhow."

"Funny, chick."

"Hey, you're the one that said it, not me."

"Yeah, yeah," he mumbled, hand reaching over and swatting at her own that was resting on the arm of the chair. "How are you doing?"

"Fine," she said, eyeing him wearily. "Just ... perfect."

"Good," he said, voice trailing off. He had forgotten that they were not releasing her condition to press to alleviate the stress that was already on her, management and the record company agreeing that the quicker she recovered, the better the results of having people not know were. She was excused from her promotional tour for a 'better world tour', as the record company had released the day before, stating that she decided that she'd add the dates of the promotional tour to the end of the world tour, not forgetting about the last few cities that she hadn't gone to before she left.

As he looked at his sister in the mirror, he couldn't help but frown. She was probably a lot of the reason he had worry lines by his eyes, worry being the only thing going through his mind the past few days. What he didn't understand was how he hadn't noticed it and the signs of trouble with her. Now, it was evident, especially to those who had seem him go through it. Her skin was ashen, eyes dark. Her weight had suddenly dropped, the cause of stress to her, but still a dramatic thing when she was already tiny enough. To him, it looked like her hands were retaining water again, and though she denied it, he couldn't help but worry and wonder if something was going on in her body that she didn't even know was happening.

It had happened to him; it wouldn't be surprising if the same thing happened to her.

"You guys ready to go through it a few times?"

He broke out of his thoughts, watching as Audrina slid off of the make-up chair, he forcing a smile as he got up and followed her to the familiar set he had seen on NBC numerous times during the later evening shows, primetime, if he recalled correctly. Audrina, who was dressed in a black pair of pants and a button-up blouse that was a light green, making her eyes pop even more, was wearing the necklace he had specially made for her after she was diagnosed the first time, it a ruby encrusted heart that hung just below her collarbone. She looked exhausted, shoulders slumped and eyelids seemingly heavy as she listened to the director as he pointed out various cameras. Her attention seemed to have halted as they called him over, he unable to keep his attention on them either, they fully on his sister.

As they stepped away to prepare for the first run-through, he stepped to her, eyes worried. "You okay?"

She nodded. "I'm just tired. I've been tired for the last two days. Just lack of sleep, probably. I'll be fine once that coffee kicks in."

He nodded, still weary. "All right. But if something doesn't feel right, you'll tell me, right?"

"Mmmhmm," she said, yawning deeply as the director laughed, cueing them to take their places.

In the next week or so, the commercial would be viewed by the millions of viewers that NBC took in daily. In the next week, people would be watching brother and sister, both of whom battled heart disease themselves. No one would be aware that one of the two siblings would be going under the knife the next week for a life-threatening problem; no one would be aware that though the words he spoke were for everyone, he meant them for her. This was his sister and he'd fight for her life if he had to.

"Action!"

He stood on the side, listening to his sister as she spoke to the camera, voice soft, eyes deep as the camera focused on her. There was no doubt she hadn't rehearsed what she had to say, but what did it matter? She was a statistic, she didn't need to know what she already knew.

"Ladies, this one is for you," she began, voice almost cheerful as she brought attention to herself, "picture yourself and two of your closest friends. Picture the times when you are laughing, crying, enjoying the memories you are making. Now, fast forward to a year from now, several years from now. One of your friends aren't around anymore. That's right. One in three women will die of heart disease in the United States alone. Not breast cancer, heart disease. You can help prevent this from happening to you, your friends and family by being knowledgable and visiting the doctor regularly. Taking care of your body and eating healthy, ridding it of organ meats, fats, processed food and that beloved nicotene that you just need. Put down that cigarette, put down that liver and onions and pay attention. Heart disease isn't just for the older generation. Heart disease hits home. Heart disease is in me."

Brian stepped up beside her, eyes turning to the camera. "And me. Did you know that it is the most leading cause of death? That every thirty four seconds, a person dies from a heart-related problem? That every twenty, someone has a heart attack? Educate yourself, educate others. Because the more you know," he stopped, looking at Audrina and she frowned, finishing his sentence. She looked lost, sad. This probably wasn't a good idea for her, especially with the upcoming surgery.

"The better off you are."

"Great! A few more and we'll have it in the bag," the director grinned, calling for a few changes to the set and lighting. "Don't forget to sell this, guys ..."

"Sell it," Audrina asked, voice just above a whisper, "we are it."

Brian reached down, gripping her hand as she sighed deeply, looking at him. "What's wrong?"

"I'm trying to say all this stuff is wrong, and yet, here I am ... dating a smoker, inhaling what he smokes daily and I eat the worst food possible ..."

"They're not asking you to set an example, Audrina," Brian said softly, "they're asking you to set a statement. Not to let what happened to many people happen to them. We didn't ask for this. It's congenital, all right? We didn't do anything for it to come back and bite our asses."

She pulled away from his hand, shaking her head. "I need an aspirin."

"Audrina?"

She walked away from him, hands up in surrender. "I'm fine, Brian."

"You don't look it!" He frowned, watching as she ignored him, sitting down in the chair by where her first position was, hand holding her head as an aspirin was placed in her hand and a water set down next to her on the arm of the chair. Suddenly, he felt helpless. Never had he felt that way, not even when he was going in for his own surgery, not even when she had gone for tests for her disease. His baby sister was trying to be strong, but he saw the exterior crumbling. To people who didn't know what was going on, they would excuse it as being tired, exhausted from her whirlwind tour, but he knew the truth. She was going to collapse, it was only a matter of time.

And knowing her, she'd refuse any help to get back up. Just like he knew she'd refuse company after her surgery. He and AJ had discussed that, both deciding that they'd be the brute force like Kevin used to be, making sure she wasn't alone, even though she said she 'wanted' it. He knew she didn't, but he also knew she hated when people saw her at her most vulnerable, hated when they saw her cry. It had been something that happened more often than not in the past few months, it a very big emotional rollercoaster ordeal. But this was different: this was her life, not her career. If she followed doctor's orders, she'd be in the hospital at least a week, bedrest for another. If she followed his orders, she'd take it easy for a while before going against everyone's recommendations and touring once more. He didn't want her to make the same mistake he did and not let his heart rest the way it should have, instead going out and beating it up some more with their touring, it only resulting in yet another surgery for him.

He sighed deeply, eyes shooting upward as a loud crash, following frantic voices of panic rang in his ears. There was a mass of people circling around where his sister had been, the immediate feeling of dread weighing heavy in his stomach as he ran towards them, breaking through them all and staring down wide-eyed at his sister, she slumped down in her chair. "Drina?"

"I'm okay," she said softly, eyes slowly fluttering open. "I just got dizzy and went to sit down and knocked down that stuff."

"We're calling this a day, Audrina," the director said, voice stern. "Brian, get her home, all right? She needs to rest -"

"Stop talking as if I'm going to break," she snapped, voice weak, "I can do this. Just let me collect myself. I can do this ..."

The director looked at Brian, he shaking his head in disapproval as he did the same. It was useless to argue with her. "Then we're breaking for an hour. Rest up, eat something. We'll come back in a little while."

Everyone cleared away from her as Brian knelt down eye-level to her, studying her face. "I wish you'd let me take you home."

"And I wish you'd stop treating me as if I'm going to break at the slightest problem."

"In case you've forgotten," Brian said harshly, her eyes turning to look at his in confusion, "you are in a fragile condition. Your heart is weak and we're all trying to do what's best!"

"Then let me go on without having to worry about it!" She pushed herself up from the chair weakly, getting up and slightly swaying as she looked at him, shaking her head. "I don't want to be treated as if I'm going to break, Brian. They may not know what's going on, but you do. You, of all people, should understand why I don't want to be bothered with this. You, of all people should understand. But you don't. You have no idea at all."

He scoffed, shaking his head and opening his mouth to speak, too late on his response. She had already walked away from him, slamming the door to her dressing room behind her. It was going to be a very interesting eleven days leading up to her surgery.

The glossy photo between his fingers brought a smile to his face, he setting it down on top of the pile of photos that he had been looking through. It was a photo that he had taken, a photo of Audrina sleeping in his bed, sheets tangled in her legs, hands tucked under her head and pillow. He remembered taking that photo, it a particularly hot night and she was tossing and turning so much that he got little to no sleep that night.

In the midst of it all, he had gotten up to get a drink and caught her then in that position, silk shorts stuck to her skin, his tank top hiked up over her belly and her hair in a high ponytail. She had told him to burn that picture, that she looked horrible in it, but to him, it was when she was most beautiful; it was when she was most uninhibited, most unaware of herself.

His thoughts seemed to wander more often than week than he remembered them doing so ever since he realized that he was still in love with her. The photo was one of the two of them on stage, they both sweaty, she leaned into him with his arm around her, belting out a note as she smiled, her eyes closed. Yet another moment he was thankful was caught on camera.

He was in reminiscing mode, having caught it from Audrina, who always went through things at least weekly just to remember, to put a smile on her a face, a memory in her mind.

He couldn't help himself. Haunting thoughts had been riddling his mind after she had admitted she was sicker than she let on. What if all that he was left with were these photos? Those memories? What if the only way he'd be able to hear her voice was to listen to an album, a demo? To call Brian and tell him a joke just to hear the almost identical laugh that the siblings shared? To turn on the television, push in one of the many DVDs he had to watch her perform or see the footage that not many people knew he had of the two of them when they dated? That Audrina herself didn't even know about?

He sighed deeply, reaching into the box of momentos and arching an eyebrow in confusion as his skin scraped against something. Hooking his index finger, he pulled it out, tears immediately burning his eyes. There, dangling on the curve of his finger, still bright and brilliant, illuminating rainbows from the sun that cast through the window, was a three carat princess-cut engagement ring with even more diamonds encrusted in the band, it already four years old but looking brand new, regardless of the dust that it had collected from sitted in the bottom of the box. Just in case. This was a 'just in case'.

"Can I help you, son?"

He stood in the middle of the plaza, eyes as wide as saucers as a man in a black suit approached him, hands clammy as they were clenched at his sides. "Just in case, Josh," he told himself, "this is just in case you change your mind. She's worth that much. She's worth that."

"Sir?"

He jumped, feeling the red creep up onto his cheeks as he turned to look at the man and then his bodyguard who stood at the door, not many people out at the early hour, especially in the middle of nowhere. "I -" he stopped, swallowing hard. "I am looking for an engagement ring for my girlfriend. Just - just in case I decide to ask her."

The man smiled gently, putting his hand to JC's shoulder and leading him forward, hand gesturing towards where they were walking. "Tell me about her."

"Who? My girlfriend?"

"Well, certainly not your mother," he kidded, walking around the display to look at JC with teasing eyes, seeing the nervousness in his eyes. "let's get her a ring that is just hers."

He licked his lips, nodding as his eyes darted from the man to the rings, back to the man and to the the clock. He had two hours. Two hours and he was meeting Audrina for breakfast at her parents' house. "She's ... she's amazing?"

"That's an answer I hope to hear from everyone," he grinned, pulling up a stool and setting his hands down on the display case, still studying him. "What is she like? What is her name? What does she do? What does she like to do?"

"She - her name is Rina." He licked his lips, t1he man coaxing him to continue. "She's an entertainer. She loves to laugh and she loves everybody. I don't think there is anybody that has come into contact with her that has one thing bad to say about her, except that she puts everyone ahead of herself. She loves to sing, she loves to dance, she loves to be with her family, her one older brother since her oldest brother lives further away and well, she loves to be with me ..." he trailed off, finally feeling the tension ease off of his shoulders. "She's going to be twenty-five and she hates that fact ..."

They spoke for a half hour about her, even down to what she liked to eat, what she liked to read. In the midst of him speaking, the man had walked away, still listening intently and commenting every so often about how she reminded him of his own daughter, he appearing once more in front of JC, holding a ring in his hand that literally took his breath away. That was it.

"See," the man said softly as he watched JC's reaction, "this is why I ask those kind of things, there's a ring for every woman. This ring just-so-happens to be the ring for her."

"That's it all right," he breathed out, reaching forward and touching it gingerly, the man placing it into his hand as he looked at it, the brilliance of the diamond almost looking blue to to him. "I'll take it."

"Great," he smiled. "I'll get the box -"

He looked down, eyes widening. What if it didn't fit? "Wait! Is this a six? I need a six."

The man smiled, gesturing for JC to follow him as he walked over to the case he had gotten it out of, it clearly the size he was looking for. "I told you it was made for her."

He couldn't help it, he grinned widely as the man took it from him, putting it in the black box and taking it to the register, filling out paperwork as JC slid his card across the counter, the smile slowly dissipating as he thought of what he was doing. "This is just in case, JC," he told himself again, "just in case. She's never brought it up, there isn't any pressure."

But she wanted it. He knew she did. But the more he was with her, so did he. It scared him, but the more he thought about it, it thrilled him, too.

He just hoped it stayed that way and he wouldn't chicken out if the time came.

The time never came. Time passed and his fear overcame everything. The ring was thrown in the box without so much of a second thought and there it sat for four years. He could have been married by now. Married, happy. Maybe even a father. Overwhelming? Yes. But happy? Definitely.

He hated himself. He lost out on the one big opportunity that he had stepped out on, the one opportunity he had turned down and someone else had taken advantage of the open door. They won, and he was left with losing. He still had her in his life, but it wasn't the same. He was still able to call her when he wanted, but it wasn't the same.

He couldn't open his eyes in the middle of the night, turn on his side and see her there, lying on her own side with the blankets around her ankles. He wouldn't be able to curl his body up against hers like he used to and kiss her shoulder, inhaling the scent that was only hers, permanently imprinted in his mind. If he closed his eyes and thought hard enough, he could smell her and he was happy. He wasn't the one she crawled into bed with when she had a bad day just to be held, putting her head on his chest, her legs thrown over his.

If he let his mind wander, he remembered the nights they spent together making love. The nights that he loved the most. The feel of her skin against his, warm and soft; fingers gripping his back, mouth on his or on his shoulder. He could feel her leg traveling higher up his as she reached her peak, could feel the pain that her nails inflicted as she scraped roughly or just dug into his skin, biting his shoulder, kissing his lips, they already swollen from their feverish kisses.Their kisses. He always believed that there was no such thing as a bad kisser, just bad chemistry, and with them, they were nowhere near. To him, he could spend his life kissing her and doing nothing else and he would be happy (give a few breaks to do other things ...).

He broke from his trance, reaching into the box and picking up one of the various tapes and putting it into the player. He sat back down, putting the pictures back in the box and looking at the screen as her laughter rang in his ears. He smiled, watching as she reached up above the camcorder, he crying out in protest as she swiped his hat, putting it on backward and making a kissy face.

"It's pretty sad you look better in that hat than I do."

"I think you look pretty damn sexy in a baseball hat."

"Aw, thank you baby."

She grinned, grabbing at the lens and kissing it, her lips leaving a smear mark as he cried out again, she wiping it off after a moment of disappearing. She continued to wear his hat, hair sticking out every which way and that from the messy ponytail that she was wearing, hands flying every which way in the animated story she was telling.

"Did I ever tell you how much I love you?"

"Only every ten seconds."

"Well, I do."

"Aw, well, Joshua Chasez," she said, dramatizing her heavy Kentucky accent, hands clasped beneath her chin, "I love you, too!"

"And you're just a little bit weird."

"And you're just a little bit old!"

"But I still love you, regardless."

"I love you in spite of."

"Hey!"

He grinned, watching as she pushed the camcorder out of the way, kissing him this time. The camera blacked out, skipping to a moment in time where she was actually the one behind the camera, he lying on the bed, arm underneath his head as he slept, the television going on in the background, voices murmuring in what sounded to be another language.

"Hey, sleepyhead."

He grinned, watching as her finger appeared on the screen, stroking downward on his nose. Her nails were short and manicured, and if he recalled correctly, it was from around the time the two of them had done the photoshoot with her in the sailor dress.

"Joshua, wake up, baby ..."

"I am up."

"Oh, don't lie," she laughed. "You have been sleeping for an hour."

"And you've been filming me?" He gave her a lazy smile, eyes still half-lidded as they focused on her, above the camcorder. "That bored? No video diary?"

"That's boring."

"And taping your sleeping boyfriend is even more fun?"

"Yeah, especially when he's talking in his sleep."

" ... I was not talking in my sleep!"

"All right, so you weren't, but I thought I could catch you if you just-so-happened to start."

He chuckled, reaching forward and tugging at her hand. "Put that camera down and come lay with me."

"Like you even have to tell me," she replied, the camera shifting as she lie on his shoulder, head leaning up against his as he took the camera from her, she lying on her side and looking up as he aimed the camcorder down at them. "What are you doing?"

He shrugged, placing a tender kiss to her forehead as he looked up at the camcorder and and smiled. "So, here we are in Paris, the city of love. I'm lying here in my suite with the love of my life and life couldn't be better. We're here for what, two more days? Yeah, two more days. She and I are doing a photoshoot together to recreate a popular photo of a marine reuniting with his love and then probably a lot more different themed shots back from the golden era. Can't wait to see this one in pencil skirts and those tight little curls ..."

"Ha, ha," she grinned, burying her face into his neck, playfully gnawing at his skin. "And you in a Marine uniform ... that'll be sexy ..."

He looked at the television blankly, listening to them playfully tease each other back and forth. They were now on the subject of he being too skinny and she being too short and always having to wear heels when she was with him, though she rarely did unless they were on the red carpet or on stage being televised. The camera was sitting on the nightstand at eye-level, getting their heads and catching his face, catching the way he looked at her, and if it wasn't apparent how he felt about her before, the look he had in that video was the same look he still gave her.

"JC, you home?"

He heard footsteps in the foyer, the familiar voice bringing a smile to his face, though it quickly washed away with how stressed it sounded. "Yeah, I'm in the living room!"

"Hey," she greeted, eyes meeting his and slowly dragging to the television, smile slowly forming. "Oh, my God, what are you watching?"

"Old tapes of us," he said, shrugging, "I was going through boxes of things I had in the guest room and this just-so-happened to be the box of the day."

She chuckled, sitting down next to him and putting her feet down on the arm of the couch, he glancing over at her tired eyes. "God, I looked so young!"

"We were young!" He looked at her still, frowning. "Are you okay?"

"Other than the known, yeah," she said softly, shifting slightly, "I'm fine."

"You sure? You look like you were crying."

"I'm okay," she nodded. "I had a dizzy spell today, but it was because I didn't eat, but I'm fine now."

"You wouldn't tell me that unless you think something is wrong."

"Brian's been on my case, is all."

"About what?"

"He doesn't think I'm okay," she shrugged, reaching forward and grabbing a handful of popcorn and avoiding his eyes as he arched an eyebrow. "Keeps asking me and he pissed me off today."

"And ..."

"He won't drop it."

"And?"

She sighed, aggravated. "JC, I came over here to escape the wrath of Littrell and McLean, must I escape the wrath of Chasez, too?"

"Why McLean?"

"Because," she mumbled, "Brian continued asking me when I got home and then AJ started and now he doesn't think I should go with him until after he tours because he doesn't think I'm healthy enough. But God damnit, I'm not going to break! I know I'm sick! I don't need to be treated like I'm that way!"

"Easy," he said, giving her a small smile as he reached forward, hugging her tightly, "easy, easy. They're just worried, you know? Brian doesn't want to let you make the same mistakes he did, okay? He went through the same thing, don't forget. Twice. They worry about you. They don't want to put too much pressure or stress on you when they just want you to be better and better than 100% after this whole thing is done -" He stopped, seeing the look on her face, she avoiding his gaze and biting her lip. "What, Rina, what?"

"What if ... what if I avoided it? What if I just ... flushed the blockage and didn't go for the surgery?"

"Then you'd be stupid," he said honestly, she turning to look at him, not expecting that answer. "You'd be stupid to not go through this surgery, Audrina. You not going through this surgery is like an early death wish. And I do not want to have to bury you, Audrina. I will not in my life, see you die. I'm older than you, I go first. I know Brian and AJ feel the same way. We're all prepared to go first. This is not going to be your time. You need to have this surgery. I know it's a scary thing, but it's just something you gotta do ... we're all gonna be there for you every single step of the way. Believe me, you're never going to be alone in this. You're never going to be without at least one of us there."

"You won't be there when it goes down."

"If we could be there, we would. Well, if they could be there, they would. I'd attempt. I don't know how well I'd do." He nudged her shoulder as she dropped her legs, she smirking at his mention of his phobia of hospitals and needles, eyes traveling to the tv as the two of them sat at a picnic table, Brian filming them during a family picnic. She lifted her legs, propping them onto the table as something clinked and fell to the floor.

His heart fell to the floor and began to pound rapidly. Oh, shit.

"What was that?" She dropped her feet, leaning down and picking up the ring and turning to him. "Jace, what is this?"

And suddenly, he felt like he was standing in the middle of the plaza once more. "What's what?"

"This."

He turned his gaze to look at her, swallowing hard. He had to think. Quick. If he told the truth, it would ruin everything. This was him, truth came out easier than lies. Lies came out and ruined his life. Hell, look at his life now. His life was a complete lie anyhow, why not add more to it? "I'm holding it for Justin."

"And you just have it sitting around like this?"

"I was looking for a box to put it in. He lost the box he had." He swallowed again, she looking down at the ring longingly. Oh, damn.

"This ring is beautiful," she said softly, eyes dragging up from the ring and back up to his unsteady gaze, "so he's going to ask Jessica?"

Licking his lips, he nodded. He was going to hell. He was going to hell and Justin was going to be the one to send him there. "Y-Yeah, but not for a while, that's why he asked me to keep a hold of it for a while."

"Oh." She kept looking at the ring, and for a moment, he could have sworn he saw the slight hint of tears form, though within a blink, they were gone. "It's beautiful," she repeated, voice quiet, he unsure of what to say. "Beautiful."

"Audrina -"

"Sometimes," she said softly, lowering her hand and bringing her gaze to him, it blank, "sometimes I think about what my life would be life if you and I would have stayed together. If we still had been together and married, would it have been by force or would you have wanted it by then? Would we have been happy? And then, sometimes, I think that you and I are better off without each other the way we were and that we're better this way. That you're here when I need you and the other way around and then we get our space when needed. That I found someone who does want to get married. But ... am I supposed to marry him? Am I going to make it to marriage? Am I meant to get married or am I just meant to be one of those people who are like the Jackie Harris' that go from meaningless relationship from meaningless relationship and still feel empty?"

"I was meaningless?"

She shook her head. "No, I just meant ... after everything was said and done. She couldn't find meaning after that. She wandered. Is that what I'm going to be?"

"No," he said softly, "you'll never be alone. You'll never be a wanderer, never be unmarried. You'll have your marriage, you'll have your babies, and you'll be happy. I promise you, Rina. Maybe it's AJ. Maybe it's ... maybe it's God, I hope it's not, but maybe it's Nick ... or maybe it's some nameless man you have no idea who he is yet. Whoever the lucky sonofabitch is, he's going to be having to pray that he keeps you happy, because if he doesn't, he's got a few people to answer to."

She reached forward, handing him the ring as he grasped her hand, catching her confused gaze. "What?"

"One of these days," he said softly, "a man is going to give you an amazing ring that will take your breath away. One of these days."

"The day of my death."

"Oh, shut up," he chuckled, putting the ring onto the end table and exhaling, mentally patting himself on the back as he reached over and wrapped an arm around her neck pulling her into him as he rubbed his knuckled into her hair. "I don't understand why you're being so negative. You're hanging out with me too much."

"You're never too negative. You're just too much of a pain in the ass!"

"Now, that's the pot calling the kettle black, isn't it?"

"I hate you."

He grinned, releasing her as she pulled away, situating herself back comfortably as they both sat and watched the two of them on the screen, he holding her on his shoulders as he spoke to the crowd, singing 'Happy Birthday' to her for her 23rd birthday. She was leaning forward, head near his, grinning widely as they all serenaded her, the band on the sides of them with a cake, balloons and champagne, all adorned in hates and party favors.

"You know," she said softly, her voice carrying over the cheers of the crowd on the tv, he taking his attention off of it and looking over, she still looking at it, face blank. "I miss us sometimes."

"... What?"

She turned to look at him, shrugging. "I mean, I love AJ. I just ... you have how long with someone, you're going to end up missing them sometime. And more often than not ... I do."

He opened his mouth to speak, interrupted by her cell phone ringing as she pulled it out of her pocket, rolling her eyes as she put it to her ears.

"What, Brian?"

Sighing deeply, he turned to the tv again. "I miss you, too," he said softly, too low for her to ear, but loud enough that he knew he said it. Her laughter rang in his ears, echoing with his own from the screen, a loud sigh pushing the laughter away as he turned to look at her as she got up, shoving her phone into her pocket. "Brian?"

"Yeah. He wants to talk. Blah, blah, blahbity-bloo." She rolled her eyes, sighing deeply. I don't think I've been this irritated in the last twenty eight years of my life than I am now."

"He's your brother, cut him some slack," JC said, standing up and following her to the door. "Call me if you need anything, all right?"

She nodded. "Thanks, JC. You know, for everything."

He shrugged. "That's what I'm here for." He gave her a weak smile as she walked down the driveway to her car, he waiting until she was in it and out of sight before shutting the door and going back to the living room, sitting down on the couch and picking up the ring. "You, you almost got me into big trouble," he said softly, wiping away the hints of dust on the band and putting it back into the box, this time in the box with the pictures so that it wouldn't get lost within all the momentos.

"One day, I'll tell you," he said softly, "one day I'll tell you when the timing is right."