She had missed her couch. Soft, deep and oh-so welcoming as she lie on it, watching old home videos taken over the years. Most were when she had spent the summer touring with her brother as a teenager, back in the days when Kevin and the camcorder were nearly attached at the base and hand. This one in particular had been making her smile, it of them all backstage moments before the 'Backstreet chant', she standing next to her brother and burrowed beneath AJ's arm, they in the midst of a wrestling match as Kevin moved the camcorder over everyone.

"Say hello to our families," Kevin said, voice bellowing from behind the camera, "no profanities, McLean," he teased, AJ laughing as he headlocked Audrina, smiling goofily at the camera as she laughed, reaching for her brother for leverage as she pulled from his grip, laughing as Brian grabbed her, doing the same thing. "See Aunt Jackie, Uncle Harold? Your son is an instigator!"

Brian laughed as he released Audrina, she playfully pushing him as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, the chant beginning and she slipping out of sight. It had been a ritual for the group and crew, and she felt as if it were not her place to be a part of it, though she was a Backstreet sister.

"BSB, what time is it?"

"It's time for me to go work y'all!"

"What kind of work?"

"Hard work, uh!"

Her shrieks were heard from the camcorder as Kevin scanned to Brian, who was grinning and pointing in the other direction, Kevin moving the camcorder to where AJ had cornered her, dumping his bottled water on her head as she called mercy, he tossing the bottle backward and tackling her, her legs flying upward as everyone behind Kevin who weren't seen laughed hysterically.  Her laughter rang above all else as he tickled her, she calling for someone's help as he didn't let up.

"I can't breathe, Aje! C'mon, stop! Alex! Uncle, damnit!"

AJ laughed as he pulled away, taking her hand and helping her up, only to cry out as she jumped on his back, his form then a blur going past the camcorder as he ran down the hall with her on his back.

"I swear, they're a match made in weirdo heaven," Kevin mumbled, his now wife (but then girlfriend) Kristin laughing from behind him. "She's obviously Brian's kid sister, that's for sure."

"Hey!" Brian laughed as the screen focused on his face, only inches away from the screen. "Do I have something up my nose, because I - I can't see it ..." His voice trailed off as he tilted his head upward, acting as if he were looking into a mirror.

"Man, you Littrell's, I swear ..."

Brian grinned, Leighanne coming up from behind him and wrapping her arms around his waist. "It's showtime, baby! Frack, where you be, man?!"

The camcorder turned to look at Kevin, he doing his own little bit. "He may be my cousin, but I can still say I'm not related to him, right?"

"Hey!"

Chuckling, he looking upward at Brian, then back at the camcorder. "Actually, there's never a dull moment with a Littrell in the vicinity. When there's two, I swear the world may explode with their ... quirky personalities ... then you throw a McLean and a Carter in the mix and the world may as well be turned inside out."

"Ha, ha, Kevy," Nick's voice was heard then, he grinning and turning the camcorder back to his 'little' brother.

She barely heard the door open and shut, the quick footsteps coming from the foyer into the small hall and then into the living room. Her eyes continued to rest on the television, now watching the party that Nick had at his house for the release of Millennium, just twelve months after Brian had his first major heart surgery. It was another reason they were all celebrating: another successful album and a living brother and friend.

"Aw, come on, man!"

She laughed to herself, Brian standing in front of the camcorder with a goofy smile on his face. He had been in very high spirits since his surgery, his faith having a lot to do with his cheerfulness.

"What? Come on, what?"

"Show your battle wound!"

She frowned as she watched her brother lift his shirt up, tears welling in her eyes as she took in the still very purple scar. She didn't want that. She didn't want to have a battle wound. She didn't want to make a mockery of something that scared her so much.

The couch shifted, she turning and meeting the concerned gaze of the one that was still on the screen, talking about how many stitches, how many hours it all involved. "You canceled the rest of your promo tour," he asked, more of a statement than a question to her ears. "Why?"

"I had to," she said softly, eyes still on the television, trying not to meet his gaze again, "my doctor told me I had to. Too much stress."

An eyebrow raised as he swallowed a lump in his throat. "Doctor, as in C-Cardiologist?"

"That'd be the one," she said softly, watching as his hand appeared in front of her face, going down to the coffee table and taking the remote, demanding her complete attention. "Brian -"

"Is this what you want to talk to me about? To AJ about?"

Biting her lip, she nodded. "Yeah. ... Where is AJ?"

"He's here," Brian said softly, gesturing backward towards her bathroom, "actually came in first. I was on the phone with Leigh and getting another flight out to Georgia so he came in a little quicker."

"Oh."

"So, talk to me."

She opened her mouth to speak, stopping as she heard her brother's sad voice on the tv.

It was supposed to be a four-hour procedure and it ended up being six. They had a lot of difficulties with my heart. Apparently, I've got a heart made of steel ..."

"We're just glad you're okay, man. We were worried about you for a while."

"Man, don't worry about me. The only Littrell you've gotta worry about is the little monster I call my sister," he grinned. "She's gonna be the troublemaker, I promise. Just give her a couple years."

"She's not a monster," Kevin laughed, "she's just ... AJ's clone in a woman's body."

"I refuse to think of my eighteen-year-old sister as a woman," Brian chuckled, sticking his tongue out in disgust. "She's forever going to be five to me. Innocent and harmless."

"You go ahead thinking that, and when she marries and gives you nephews and nieces or whatever she decides to pop out, you can be the one to explain to her why she's your monster."

"She's always been my monster," he argued. "First, my chunker munker as a baby and then my monster after all the noises she would make when she was learning to walk. She sounded like a little monster."

"She's not learning how to walk, Rok."

"She will forever be learning something to me, Kev," he grinned, glancing back as her screams were heard, Nick and AJ both swinging her into the deep end of the inground pool. "Like how not to trust them around a pool."

"She should be the teen idol. Breaking all those guys' hearts."

"Why are we talking about my sister's attractiveness?"

"Because she's the only Littrell child that has it?"

"Yeah, you're funny, Kev." Brian rolled his eyes, still smiling. "Ah, but I am a proud brother. She's always been there when I've needed her. Especially the last year. She's probably a lot of the reason I didn't go crazy, too."

"She's good for that."

"Yeah, and I hope I can do the same for her if something should ever happens and she needs me."

"Do you need me?"

She turned her head, looking at her brother as his eyes stayed glued to hers, he blindly turning the television off. The room had darkened dramatically, the only light a table lamp in the far corner by the bookcase. "What?"

"Has something happened to you," he asked softly, repeating himself again, "do you need me?"

She heard AJ's feet against the hardwood floor as she shuffled into the room, catching his gaze and swallowing hard, willing the tears that were beginning to form to stay at bay. "Yes. I do need you."

Brian scooted closer to her, she still lying down, her feet resting in his lap. "What's going on, Rina? Talk to me. Talk to us."

AJ came into the living room fully, lifting her up gently and sitting behind her so that she was in a sitting position, leaning partially on him as his hands held her at her waist, being her silent support from behind her. "What's happening to you, baby?" He asked quietly, his eyes meeting Brian's from over her shoulder. Brian had aged significantly since he had gotten the phone call from Audrina the day before. They had been wrapping up their promos when news broke that Audrina had canceled the rest of her promotion due to 'undisclosed reasons' and wouldn't be making them up, her world tour also being postponed until further notice. It sent all four men into an uproar, Howie on the phone trying to get in touch with Johnny as AJ and Brian went through scary scenerios, freaking themselves out more than they wanted to be. Nick, the former 'child' of the group, played the comforter, holding both brother and boyfriend together as they finally got a hold of Johnny, he telling them that she had withdrew and was going home to deal with 'issues' that he had not wanted to discuss, to leave it to her to tell them.

A heart-wrenching sob escaped her throat as her head dropped, Brian squeezing her hands gently as AJ leaned fully into her, placing his head to her back, Brian's hand going to her head to calm her. "Talk to us, Audrina. Tell us how we can make this better ..."

"I may as well have not come back to music," she said finally after a moment of her trying to gather herself, "I may as well have dug myself into an early grave and gave up ..."

"Rina -"

"I have a hole in my heart, Brian," she said, he gasping loudly as AJ tensed against her, "they did an ECHO. My heart is enlarged and they think it's putting a lot of pressure to the hole. It's enlarging my heart and -"

"They want to do surgery."

She nodded.

"Open heart?"

Again, a nod.

"Oh, God, baby," AJ lifted his head, placing a kiss to the place between her shoulder blades and then to her head, eyes shut tightly as tears fell. His eyes met Brian's again, his own heart breaking at the terrified look on his face, a heavy waterfall of tears falling down his face. Brian was breaking just as quickly as Audrina, he feeling her body shake against him. "It's gonna be fine, all right? You're gonna get through this, just like Brian did and you'll be good as new."

Brian had pulled himself closer to her, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her tightly, brother and sister weeping together. AJ, who still had no idea what to do, even after experiencing the same thing ten and four years ago, leaned into her once more, wrapping his arms completely around her and over Brian's back, the three of them sitting on the couch in a ball of tears.

"It's gonna be okay," Brian murmured, voice shaking with tears, "we're going to get through this. I'm not letting you go anywhere ..."

She nodded, lifting her head to rest on Brian's shoulder, one arm going around him and the other reaching back, gripping onto AJ tightly.

"It could be more of a simple procedure than mine," Brian said, hope filled in his voice, "maybe they just need to go through with a tube and -"

"The doctor wants to crack my chest," she mumbled, words echoing in her head from the appointment she had that morning, JC being her support before anyone had come home. "They're going to use a heart and lung machine because of how the hole is centered in my heart and -" she stopped, voice quivering, "I'm so scared ..."

"It's all right to be scared," Brian said soothingly, "I was scared, too. But I got out of it fine, and so will you. I don't know how many times I will say it, but it'll be okay, because I'm not letting you go. I'm not letting God take my baby sister."

"I refuse to let you go without a fight," AJ said, voice murmuring against her skin, wet tears warming her back as she pulled away from both of them, facing forward so that she had equal vision of both of them, both men instantly grabbing a hand, leaning into her as she sat, quiet. "How long have you known?"

"Long enough for you to be mad at me for lying to you," she said softly, both men stiffening up next to her. "I'm sorry, I just ... I didn't know how to face it myself, how could I have faced it with you? How could I have told you when I refused to even acknowledge it? After a while, I started believing it myself. And then the palpitations started taking over and I couldn't even perform without being winded. I started relying on the oxygen machine more than I wished and I finally gave up. I called Johnny and told him I wanted to go home. I told him I needed to deal with personal issues that would render me dead if I didn't. He immediately got me a flight home and I somehow ended up on JC's doorstep ..."

"JC," AJ repeated as she nodded. "You're talking again?"

"He called me the night before I caved," she said softly. "He ... cornered me the best he could over the phone and scared me. Then I woke up with a text message from him and I couldn't take it anymore. I threw up, I started shaking, I drove myself crazy thinking that I was going to slowly die and you were all going to hate me because I refused to tell you."

"So he knew first," Brian asked, she looking over at him and nodding. "Only because my going to the cardiac unit wasn't as hidden as I thought," she said softly, "that's why he called me: to ask if I was okay."

"I wish you would have come to me first," Brian said softly, "but I guess I understand. I mean, maybe I don't, but ... it could have been me. Or AJ ..."

"I didn't know how to tell you," she said softly, "either of you. It felt like a repeat of last time. I knew how you'd react, Brian ... and I knew how you'd react, J. JC was there when I got diagnosed for the first time and I knew he could handle it. I'm sorry it wasn't either of you, but that's how I felt I needed to deal with it ..."

"When are you going in for surgery?"

"August 22nd."

"Howie's birthday," Brian said softly as she nodded. He got up, raking a hand through his hair. "I gotta go call Leigh, tell her I'm not coming in when I thought. I need to be here with you ... "

"That's crazy, Brian," she said softly, getting up and wiping tears from her eyes as she stood in front of him, his blue eyes looking gray to her from his tears. "You don't need to be here for that long. Your son misses you, your wife misses you ..."

"My responsibility lies here right now," he said, shaking his head and placing his hands on her shoulders. "Leigh can come up here. I just, I need to be up here with you. I need that piece of mind."

"Okay," she said softly, he turning and disappearing back outside, she turning to look at AJ who still sat on the couch, eyes glued to the floor. "Aje ..."

Holding up his hand, he got up, stepping to her as she stepped slightly back, surprised at his sudden closeness, his breath felt against her skin. "I need to know that this is the only thing you're holding from me," he said softly, "I need to know that there aren't any other secrets."

Her eyebrows knitted in confusion. "Of course not, why would you even think that -"

"Because right now, I don't know what to think," he said, voice rising slowly with every word he spoke, "you lied to me, D. You kept a secret from me. A big secret. How could you keep that from someone you supposedly loved? If you love me at all ..."

"Are you mad?!" She stepped back, watching as the emotions washed over the deep browns of his eyes, "of course I love you! I love so much that it scared me to even tell you because I didn't know if we're get to have a long-lasting relationship together! Why do you think I kept this from you, huh? Not because I didn't want to tell you, but because I didn't want our relationship to suddenly be a pins and needles one after I dropped that bomb! I wanted to know you were loving me because you loved me, not because I am sick!"

"Jesus, D, I'm gonna love you regardless," his hands dropped in slight defeat, eyes studying hers. "I don't know what I'd do without you in my life somehow ..."

She smirked. "Well, lucky for you, you've had fifteen good years with me."

"I'd like to have another fifty," he said, voice quiet as she frowned. "Don't scare me like this again, all right? I ... I don't know what I'd do if I lost you, too."

She stepped into him, placing her head to his chest and holding tightly to him for dear life. "I know what you'd do," she said sadly, "and I'm not gonna let that happen to you."

He squeezed her tightly. "I'm going to go up and lie down for a bit. All this ... nonexcitement has given me a headache. You coming up to bed soon?"

She nodded. "I'm going to go talk to Brian ... then I'll be up."

"Okay." He stepped away, leaning down and pressing his lips to hers, hands cradling her face as she melted into him, the kiss passionate and warm. "I love you," he said softly, hand smoothing down her face as she smiled weakly, he stepping away and towards the foyer, heading towards the stairs to her bedroom.

She walked slowly behind him, watching his form ascend the stairs. "J?"

He turned, catching her small smile. "Yeah?"

"I love you, too."

His smile was warm as he turned, disappearing down the hall towards her bedroom, the click of her bedroom door echoing in the high ceilings. She stepped towards the front door, heart dropping as she heard something she had not heard from her brother in so long. "Brian?" Her voice was just below a whisper as he sat on her stairs, face buried in his hands, elbows resting on his knees, sobs escaping through his hands. "Brian ..."

He jumped at her voice, hands dropping as he frantically wiped away his tears, turning to look at her. "Hey. Leigh will be here in two days and -"

"Brian, stop -"

"Baylee misses you like crazy. Kept asking about Aunt Drinie -"

"Brian, stop." She grabbed his hands he finally stopping to look at her. "I'm going to be okay. You said so yourself. We just gotta keep that mentality going and pray. You remember how to pray, don't you?"

He frowned at the slight tease in her voice, he being the more religious one of the two. "Don't tease me, Drina. That's not funny ..."

"Okay, so it wasn't," she said softly, reaching over and pulling him into a hug. "We could pray though, right? That's what you do when you feel as if there isn't any other choice -"

"I pray daily, Drina. I've prayed for you since you were born."

"Then, we pray for each other this time," she said softly, he looking at her in bewilderment. "What? Just because I didn't release a Christian album doesn't mean I don't pray! C'mon now, B-Rok."

He chuckled slightly, wiping his eyes and wrapping an arm around her shoulder as she sank down on her steps, he sitting down next to her. "So now what?"

She looked over at him, the serious look on her face surprising him. "We pray."

He turned 32 today. In the midst of all the commotion with Audrina, he had completely forgot. It wasn't until she handed him a small wrapped box and wished him a happy birthday as she got out of his car that he had remembered.

The doctor had been very blunt and to the point from the moment they got into the office. It wasn't life-threatening, yet. But it was serious. He knew she had things to tie up and gave her a two week window to decide when she wanted to go for the surgery. Open heart surgery. It was like a large, hard punch to the stomach as he heard the words, he licking his lips and shaking his head. Of course, she chose to have it the last day they would allow her, two weeks from the 8th, the 22nd.

The doctor, as he spoke of the surgery, said they were going to a median sternotomy, something that didn't sound as bad as it was until he looked at her, confused. Her face was pale, the doctor answering the unspoken question for him: chest cracking. A vertical inline incision that is made along the sternum, then, once they reach the sternum, the chest is divided, or what most people know from watching medical shows such as House and ER, cracking the chest.

But, he noted, it wasn't going to be done unless the heart itself showed signs of distress while on the cardiopulmonary bypass machine. The heart and lung machine. He knew that. The machine that doctor's used to keep blood flow regulating while the heart wasn't beating. Basically, the person is dead, with just the machine making them live and rely on the machine to keep the flow. They'd cut the pericardium tissue to get to the damage and repair it as quickly as they could. Hopefully, the procedure wouldn't last more than the projected 2-4 hours. If worse comes to worse, they'd have to do the median sternotomy to be able to reach the entire heart, but it hopefully, they prayed, would not have to go that far.

The scar, as Audrina had asked, would run right down her chest, though closer to her left breast than right. With technology and money, the scar would be minimal she'd not have to worry about scarring like Brian had.

She cried as soon as they left the office, cried the moment she signed the papers that the doctor's needed for the hospital stay. Cried when they got into the car and cried into his arms as he let her, holding onto her tightly and just trying to soothe her the best he could. Telling her it would be okay, was like an empty promise to him. He didn't know, and if she wasn't, he didn't want to hate himself for saying something that may or may not be true.

He dropped her off an hour later after they ate lunch, the box she had given him resting in his lap the entire ride home, now resting in his hands as he untied the bow, opening the top of the box and laughing aloud when he pulled out a Pepe the King Prawn keychain, leaning back into bed and holding the keychain against his fingers. She was one of a kind.

"I can't believe we're watching Muppets From Space," he murmured as she curled up next to him, grinning triumphantly. "I can't believe you talked me into this."

"I have loved the Muppets since I was little. I couldn't pass this up when I saw it at Wal-Mart."

"I can see the headlines now," he chuckled, "instead of you going out and buying pregnancy tests and alcohol, you're out buying Muppet movies."

"I love Pepe. Don't knock it until you've watched it."

Though he had to admit the movie was entertaining (he laughing every so often), it was more entertaining to hear her quote the movie as it went along, even lowering her voice for the male muppets and raising them for Miss Piggy and any other given female muppet.

"I am not a shrimp! I am a KING PRAWN!"

He laughed at her imitation, shaking his head and placing a kiss to her temple. "I think Pepe may be my favorite muppet."

"Why?" She asked, turning to look at him with a raised eyebrow. "Because he's dressed in a ballerina's tutu?"

"No, because he brings out the kid in you. Well, that and the ballerina costume."

She grinned. "I'm gonna remember that. Just you watch."

And she did.

He smiled, surprised when he blinked back tears as he stared back at the little keychain, the fuzzy little shrimp (er, King Prawn) a blur as he sniffed, tears falling slowly down his cheeks. Would she live long enough for them to be able to watch it again? Would she live long enough for him to be able to tell her how much he did care about her? That those crazy little movies meant something to him because it meant he got to be with her for just a little longer?

A small sob came out of his mouth as he squeezed the keychain in his hand, bringing the closed fist to his forehead. He wanted her to live, he wanted her to be happy and have babies ... just like she wanted. Hell, let her be with AJ if it meant she'd live. He knew Brian had the procedure, but every time is different than the other. What if they punctured her heart? What if she never made it to the surgery because something happened? A valve burst? Her heart died? He wouldn't be able to live with himself if she died without her knowing how sorry he really was. It was killing him slowly, killing him even more than seeing her with AJ was.

He had nothing against AJ. But when he looked at them, he knew that AJ was meant to be the one to pick her up after her fall. He wasn't meant to be with her. He was. Audrina was it for him. It was sad that all these problems caused him to stop and look at their situation, to stop and realize so much that he should have said when they were closer, before she blew up on him. He should have told her he loved her the day in the dressing room and didn't let Lucy or Audrina stop him from doing so.

He loved her. God, did he love her. He felt like a lovelorn man who should be sitting outside her window, serenading her with the acoustic guitar, pulling a Casanova-type move. But he wasn't one to break up a happy relationship. He wasn't going to do that. If she still loved him the way he loved her, she'd come around. If she wanted to be with AJ, then he'd have to step down and let her be happy with him.

It didn't mean he'd have to be happy about it.