"Baybeeee!"

Audrina cringed at the high-pitched squeal that Lucy had just let out as she fell into the pool, lifting her eyes from the Ok! Magazine she had been reading. Normally, media-inspired magazines weren't her deal, but there was an article about Audrina, the tour and the sudden 'turmoil' that had boiled within the last three weeks of it. Three weeks. It had been three weeks since the little tryst in the dressing room, three weeks since JC had even attempted to speak to her, and three weeks since Lucy basically blackmailed JC into being her boyfriend.

At least, that was how Aubrey put it.

The woman was beautiful, she'd give her that. With all the beauty always came a negative aspect, and the lack of brains was it. She was brunette, stood about 5'8", maybe 5'9", legs longer than Audrina's entire body and breasts that screamed 'fake' from miles away. It made her jealous when she saw JC's hand snake to her waist as she stood out of the pool, he wrapping a fleece towel around her and running his hands down the towel to help her dry, he still smiling widely. She opened the towel to welcome a hug from him, she squealing once more when attempted to nibble on her shoulder.

"Baby, stop!"

She rolled her eyes, pushing her sunglasses back up onto her nose and looking back down at the magazine. They made her sick. She made her sick.

"Sources say that the former flames have been battling it out since the beginning of the tour, the heat only rising within the last three weeks after another argument brought on the silent treatment. Just a week before, Chasez was over heard telling her to not walk away from him, her response only snapping, 'you taught me how'. That one line triggered another rumor that the break-up wasn't as 'mutual' as both parties have claimed it to be, Chasez actually leaving Littrell only months after their six-year anniversary."

"Another source claims that the silent treatment was stemmed between tension between the stars after their feelings for each other came out once more, both too stubborn to accept a reasonable answer. Littrell wants to be with him, but is afraid of his dismissive nature; Chasez loves her but is afraid he'd only hurt her again."

She looked over at Aundrea, who, as promised, stayed with her the rest of the tour (there were only four more weeks left before vacation and then rehearsal for the overseas tour) and was now sleeping with her sunglasses propped on the top of her head, lying on her stomach with her head facing her. Aubrey had left to be with her boyfriend, and ever since Lucy decided it'd be best to stay with JC to 'keep an eye on any girls'.

Tossing her magazine down, she got up, adjusting her bikini bottoms. It was very warm for late May, the heat at about 89. The entire crew had decided to take over the hotel pool, and for the last hour, is where they had been. She wasn't one to lie and tan, too antsy for that kind of process, instead opting to get into the water and keep her mind off of the article, off of the squealer and off of the eyes that were now settled on her as she lowered herself into the cool water, instantly feeling her body react to the temperature change as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Girl, you're crazy! That water is probably freezing!"

She chuckled, turning to look at Aundrea as she adjusted her bikini top, getting up and shielding her eyes as she watched her friend. She stood above her, the shadow blocking the sun as she stared up at her. "It's probably mid 70's in here, Drea. Not cold!"

"Whatever." She sat down, putting her toes in and cringing, Audrina laughing at her dramatic friend. "You lied! It's like, 30!"

"Oh, get over it," she laughed, reaching forward and grabbing her hand, tugging her with enough force to send her into the water. She retreated quickly, dodging the flailing arms as she swam to the opposite end. She cried out as she felt two arms push down on her shoulders, swallowing a good big of chlorine. When she came up, Aundrea was grinning triumphantly and Max, her publicist, was sitting on the edge of the pool with a knowing grin on his face. "I," she managed to spit out as she laughed, "hate you."

"Hate is such a strong word, darling," he grinned, getting up before she could grab at a limb to pull him in, "you've gotta be at an interview in two hours. Johnny scheduled it and I, unfortunately, just found out about it so we need to get you showered and ready to leave in 45 minutes."

"You should have been here an hour ago if you expect her to be showered and ready to leave then," Aundrea grinned, dodging the water that her friend splashed. "I'm only speaking the truth!"

"The truth should be quiet!" Audrina got up, wringing out her hair and looking across the pool. She was still breathing heavy from catching her breath, and the crystal blue gaze that burned into her eyes only made it more difficult for her to catch her breath.

He was standing there, absently talking to Lucy as she rummaged through a bag. His chest rose and fell almost in the same manner as hers, hand gripping his towel as he ran it through his hair to dry it. Her stomach turned, feeling Aundrea now tugging on her hand to pull her away from the side of the pool and back into the hotel. A sad smile stretched across his face, he raising a hand slightly to wave.

Was this what they were?

She sighed, turning and following Aundrea back inside. Things seemed less complicated when the tour first started compared to now.

"And then I told her, so what? Just because your man is studying to be a doctor means nothing! My man already claimed his career and is making more money in a year than her man will in his life!" Lucy turned to look at him, hand on her hip as he stared blankly away from her. "JC?"

He jumped at her voice, turning to look at her. "Hmm?"

"Did you hear anything I said?"

He cringed. "Money."

"What about it?"

He sighed deeply, bending down and picking up his sandals. What was it ever about? Money. Money this and money that. 'My baby makes more money than you can even fathom!' 'My baby has so much money!' It took all the strength he had to not roll his eyes. "How much money I make?"

She grinned. "I knew you were listening."

"I always am."

She huffed out when she couldn't find her wallet, it buried in her purse somewhere. "I need to go shower. This heat is doing nothing for this hair."

Wordlessly, he followed her like a lost puppy, the entire walk to the hotel room quiet. She clung to his hand when the fans were spotted in the lobby, touched him when she knew people were watching, but as soon as the elevator doors shut, she turned off her 'charm'. "Ugh, you're so hot and sticky," she groaned and she wiped at her skin, pursing her lips as she studied him up and down, "maybe you should take the shower first. You're disgusting."

He huffed out slightly, staring at the numbers ascending towards their floor. Audrina's floor. "Whatever."

"What's the matter with you? I was just stating the obvious."

He turned to look at her as the doors slowly slid open, shaking his head. "Nothing, I'm perfect." He pushed away from the wall, walking quickly to the hotel room and sliding the card in, the cool air of the room hitting his face as he peeled his shirt off, walking into the bathroom and slamming the door shut. Privacy. Alone time. That's all he wanted. He was already sick of Lucy, and he was already sick of the little game of life he was playing. He stopped mid-step and turned, locking the bathroom door so that Lucy could not 'join' him in a shower, he not wanting to deal with her greediness and though sometimes it was welcomed, roughness.

Turning the water on, he set it to the proper temperature and slowly began to peel his clothes off, catching his reflection in the mirror. Suddenly, he didn't recognize the man staring back at him. Suddenly, he had aged well beyond his years and the eyes that he he always looked back at were unfamiliar. Tour was killing him; more so, Audrina being on tour with him was the culprit. He didn't know what he was going to feel like at the end of the promotional tour, but God, if it was anything like what he was looking at now, he didn't want to know.

Stepping into the stream of hot, nearly scalding water, he let his head drop down, chin to chest. Hand supporting his weight against the wall, the water slid down his back and off of his body to the lineoleum of the tub, washing away the smell of chlorine and sweat. Unfortunately for him, against his wishes, his thoughts, his sudden aging and his regret did not follow and disappear down the drain. He was left still feeling heavy, still feeling remorse.

He let his thoughts go; let them wander as he slid down to sit underneath the stream. Shut his eyes and leaned his head back, thinking long and hard about everything his life had been, could have been, and came to. He had a good life. An amazing one for six years. After that, life just seemed mundane, unfortunate. Music still made him happy, but it brought back memories that didn't make him feel that way. It was a bittersweet story to him anymore. Bittersweet and so very heartbreaking.

He met her in 2000. Shortly after 'No Strings Attached' had been released and shortly after the court had ruled in their favor against their former boss. Brian was the business man of the Backstreet Boys, he and Lance more so of their group and in a brief meeting him, he came into contact with a beautiful girl, a few years younger than him, with the biggest, brightest green eyes he had ever seen. Her hair at the time was shorter, a choppy shoulder-length cut that she had pulled up into a messy ponytail, dressed in running shorts and a tank top a few sizes too big for her with 'Kentucky Wildcats' etched on the chest.

For him, it was love at first sight. For her, she didn't even remember meeting him up until a few months later when he and AJ McLean began working on his solo effort, though it never really took off until the present, especially with his stint in rehab and struggle to stay sober kept him from multi-tasking as he had been doing before. She came in with Brian, and it took all but a minute to realize that she, she was Audrina Littrell, the girl that had begun her recording and training for her debut album; she was Brian's baby sister that he talked about so much.

They were inseperable shortly after. It almost became borderline obsessive for him, she on his mind nearly 24/7. They were the couple everyone hated, but loved. They never fought, and when they did, the ending results were very much in their favor. He respected her belief in not sleeping with someone until she was in love, and though he knew she loved him from the start, a year and a half into they being together, they finally did and even him, the man, was moved by it. It was beautiful and he didn't know why they had waited that long to do something the two of them were made to do together. Though, he like the perks of being with her every day, too. She completed his other half, she kept him grounded.

And then she got sick. It was four years into the relationship and she suddenly was having a hard time doing the simple things. He remembered walking behind her on a short flight of steps and she actually began wheezing, believing she was getting a bad chest cold and shrugging it off. She was a big eater, but it never showed. Suddenly, she was having to buy new jeans, new tops. Her hips were fuller, her belly began to soften, and her breasts (though he wasn't complaining) had swelled. She was gaining weight as if she were retaining water in those areas, and suddenly, pregnancy rumors began to swirl around. So much, that he even believed that maybe, she was.

She put it off until the end of her tour. Put off her health to ensure that all her fans left happy, that they were satisfied, even though, every night for the last month, she was leaving the stage and nearly collapsing into his waiting arms from being so out of breath, it difficult to catch her breath. Days later, he remembered as if it were yesterday, they were in the doctor's office. He remembered the doctor's eyes widening when she told him the problems, the sudden symptoms; remembered being so scared when he immediately called for an ECHO, called for her to put on the paper gown and gave her an immediate verdict (though, the next day, they had to go back to a cardiologist for more tests).

He remembered never feeling so scared in his entire life. Was he going to lose her? Was she suddenly just going to be vacant from his life? For two years, it riddled his brain until he couldn't take it anymore and he left. He left saying that he knew she wanted to marry, that he didn't; that was a lie. He did want to marry her, but yes, the timing wasn't right because he was still so scared of it. But his major point was that if he married her, would they get to grow old together? Would he end up a widower before he became a father? A widower before his children understood the fact that mommy was sick? He made himself sick thinking of the days when they lie in bed and he'd wake up, expecting to see her dying next to him, or even worse, dead. He couldn't grasp that, he couldn't handle the risk of losing her when he had her. If he was going to lose her, it was going to be because of his decision, not fate, not God. Not her heart, either.

And he left. He broke her already bad heart. It killed him so much, to know that he had to see her daily (he was still working with AJ and she was also writing with him) following the break-up. But she slowly stopped coming around, AJ telling him that she didn't want to be around, didn't want to see him. And then in 2007, he found out she was making a comeback. Suddenly, his heart ached for her again. It always pined for her, always got that familiar pang when he heard her name mentioned on the radio about the unmentionables, the ones that actually made the music industry musical again. He had to be a part of it, had to be a part of her life again, even if it was the last thing he did.

He loved her. God, did he love her. It wasn't different from the beginning, and it hurt. It was the hollow pain that was hard to find at the source, hard to understand, but it was there. It was there and it was banging hard on him. It made him hurt that he knew she hadn't moved on yet, that she would eventually and it wouldn't be moving on with him, but with someone not him. It made him hurt that it was his own damn fault they were in the predicament that they were in the first place.

He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, imagining her touch once more. Soft skin, but sure hands. She knew what she wanted, always. But now, it didn't seem like she did. She used to smell of apples, strawberries ... now, it's perfumes. Deep, rich perfumes that caught attention with a gentle breeze as she walked by; not like the subtle smell of fresh fruit. He wasn't complaining, because either smell got to him, but this wasn't her. She hadn't been herself for a long time. He hadn't been himself for a long time.

And he was damn sick of it.

"JC, are you almost done in there? I'm going to permanently stick of this stupid chlorine if you don't hurry your ass up! I swear, you're like a girl!"

He jumped at the voice behind the door, reaching for shampoo and hurriedly running it through his hair, washing it out and quickly lathering up his body. He needed to leave this hotel, he needed away from Lucy. He needed away from his thoughts -

He stopped. No. The last time he ran away from his thoughts, he ended up with Lucy.

Okay, so she needed to be gone.

He pulled the curtain open, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his body, not caring that he was soaking wet and trailing water from the shower to the door, swinging it open and seeing her shocked expression melt into an expectant one with a slow smile spreading on her face as she thought of why he was suddenly there.

"If you wanted me so bad, you could have just let me shower with you," she chuckled, her hand reaching for the towel as he grasped her wrist, pulling it away as she looked on, puzzled. "JC -"

"Get out, Lucy," he said softly, not feeling anything as the words tumbled out. "Take your things and leave."

"What? Why? Where am I supposed to go?!"

"What? I said, leave. Why? Because I said, leave. Where? I don't care. Maybe a placed called 'home'?" He looked at her, dumbfounded. "It's over between us, Lucy; I can't deal with you, with this anymore. So please take your stuff and leave my room before I call security."

"You can't kick me out -"

"No?" He turned, walking down to the door and opening it. "Tim? Can you come here for a minute?"

"Fine," she snapped. "I'll go. But I know why you want me to leave: it's because of that girl, isn't it? That stupid little ugly whore Audrina. The girl you can't even get because she's such an uptight prude."

"Such a hypocrite," he chuckled, shaking his head as Tim poked his head in, "take Miss Griffin's things out, please. Or, better yet, take her." He watched as Tim came in, ushering her around as she grabbed her things, looking at him and rolling her eyes as she walked past, reaching for the door. "Oh, and Luce?"

She turned, looking at him with an unreadable expression. "What?"

"It is because of that girl. That girl who has more class, more consideration than you ever will. She took my heart a long time ago and you thinking that you can take my money just makes me think that you're the ugly one."

She gasped, Tim chuckling as he pushed her by the small of her back out the door and nodding his head at JC. "She's gonna be back soon, Jace. You want me to send her down when she finishes up the interview?"

"What for?"

Tim laughed. "To tell her you love her." He gave him a 'duh' look, JC shaking his head as he raised an eyebrow. "Then, what do you want me to do?"

"I want you to get rid of that garbage and then take the rest of the day off," he said, waving Tim off with a smile. "This, this mess, I've gotta clean up myself." He sat down, leaning back up against the bedframe as he closed his eyes, hearing the door click shut. Suddenly, he was at peace. Suddenly, he didn't feel as if he were walking on egg shells. He knew it was because Lucy was gone, but it was also now because he had the freedom to do what he pleased. He could make a repeat of the rendez-vous in the dressing room, take it further, make her know just how much he needed her, how much he loved her and had never stopped; yes, he would do that. He would kiss her until she grew weak, until he couldn't breathe; make love to her like he had wanted so many times but couldn't. He'd reclaim her body, her soul as his own once more and never, ever let her go. He'd face his demons, he'd face his fears with her. She was it for him and he knew it, she knew it. He just had to make sure she remembered it.

He awoke some time later, the moon's eerie glow casting into the hotel room as he rolled over to look at the clock. He had fallen asleep still in the towel, had fallen asleep while making plans, resolutions, revelations. It was nearing midnight as he got up, stretching dramatically and reaching for a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt, hair sloppy from being wet and not brushed, but he didn't care. He was there to get her back, not there to get made-up for a photoshoot of some sort.

He walked out with every sense of confidence that he had as he breezed through his door, his heart pounding as he closed in with every step he took. He was going to do this. He was going to knock on the door, grab her when she opened it and kiss her. No, he was going to tell her he was stupid to let her go and that he loved her. That he loved her and wanted to marry her and he didn't care who knew. He'd make up those two years to her, doing whatever she pleased. And if she looked somewhat hesitant, then he'd grab her. He'd grab her and -

He stopped, eyes widening as he turned the corner of the hall. His heart fell to the floor, stomach rose to his throat and his head began to feel dizzy, like it was spinning on an orbit on his neck. No. No, this couldn't be happening.

She stood there, back to him with her arms wrapped around a man's neck. She was kissing him. What the hell had happened? What had happened to the 'not moving on' thing? How had he missed this?

He swallowed hard, turning on his heel and hurrying back to his room. He felt nauseous. Opening his door quickly and slamming it shut just for effect even though it fell closed itself, he let out an aggravated cry, walking to his bed and sitting down. He had been clinging to that false hope that maybe it would work out for the better that he hadn't let himself think about what would happen if she didn't want to take him back. Now, he felt like he was sinking into a black hole and there was no way to stop it. He was clawing to get to the top, but he was sliding, falling into the never-ending pit. The lump of bile formed in his throat as he swallowed roughly, it burning as it went back down, tears filling his eyes as he shook his head in disbelief. He was going to cry over this. He was going to the baby after all and cry.

A knock on the door startled him, he getting up and scrambling, not bothering to look through the peep hole in hopes that it was Audrina, saying it was a joke that she was pulling, just to get a rise out of him, or to do what he had planned to do with her. Hell, he didn't need the words, he just needed to feel her again, to be able to hold her and taste her lips ...

The frown on his face became even deeper when he realized it wasn't who he was waiting for. "Oh."

"Don't sound so happy to see me, Jace," Aundrea smirked as she stepped in, cocking her head to the side in confusion as she watched him walk away without so much as a hello or close the door behind her, "you all right?"

"I feel like my chest is going to blow up," he mumbled as he sat down, putting his face in his hands. "I feel like my heart just climbed out of my mouth and disappeared somewhere."

"That's attractive," she said, smirking, though stopping as she caught sight of his face as he gave her a glare, seeing the tears in his eyes, the paleness in his skin. "Jace, you okay? What happened?"

"Nothing," he mumbled. "That's what's wrong. Nothing happened."

She walked towards him, sitting down and putting a hand on his knee comfortingly. "Tell Mama Drea what's going on."

He rolled his eyes, sniffling as he shook his head. "I said it was nothing ..."

"Seriously, do you think I'm going to buy that," she asked, laughing in disbelief. "It has to do with Drina. Talk to me, Chasez."

"I did a lot of thinking today when I was in the shower and after," he said softly, she biting back a remark as he stared at his fingers, picking at the cuticles, "thought about what my life was, what it is and what it could have been. Got really scared of my choices and I got angry at myself."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "and then I told Lucy to get her things and leave. That I wanted her to go away."

"Good boy," Aundrea smiled, patting his leg gently. "So what's her leaving have to do with -"

"I told her to leave because the only woman I've ever had eyes for for the last eight years was Audrina," he said, raking his hand through his hair as he got up. "I realized I'm in love with her, it's never going to go away and she's it for me. It took two years to realize how stupid I was to let her go, but I know I did something horrible and I owned up to it in my mind. So, I was going to go tell her that; tell her how I felt, tell her how sorry I was for being an inconsiderate asshole and let her know exactly what I felt for her ..."

"And she turned you down." Aundrea's face was quiet. Did she not know what Audrina had been doing? Hell, he wished he didn't know, because then, maybe he wouldn't feel so sick to his stomach. "No? That look on your face tells me that's not it at all ..."

"She moved on," he said softly, putting his head to the wall once more. He shook his head and let the coolness of the plaster ease the heat on his face from holding tears and letting some fall, a few more sliding down his cheeks as he pulled away to look at her best friend once more, "I turned the corner to get to her room and saw her kissing another guy."

"She what?!" Aundrea got up, crossing the room and looking at him sadly, "I'm sorry, Jace, I really am. I left mid-way through the interview and caught up with some friends who lived here and didn't even know she had met someone. But you did the same thing to her, to be fair."

"I know," he frowned. "And I deserve it. Who am I to think that she was going to wait around forever for me? Because she wasn't, she didn't deserve that."

"You're right, she didn't," Aundrea nodded, crossing her arms and sighing deeply, "but, up until minutes ago, she was. She would have waited until after death to get you back. She put off meeting a man, getting married, having tons of babies and being content because she believed that you were the one she was supposed to have that life with. The one she actually got to have her happily ever after with. You made her believe that that existed. And then Lucy came along ..."

"Lucy was just some ... thing to keep my mind off of her," he mumbled. "And that obviously didn't work well at all."

"No," she shook her head, turning her head to look at the door, "but maybe, maybe that guy is her Lucy."

"Meaning ..."

"Her way of not having you on her mind 24/7," she concluded, a grin breaking out on her face, "that's it!"

"That's not it," he said, shaking his head, "that's not her."

"She hasn't been her since the tour started, JC," Aundrea corrected, "she hasn't been the same since you kissed her that night."

He reddened. "She told you about that?"

Aundrea nodded, giving him a cocky smile, "she told us about everything."

"... Us?"

"Aubrey and I."

He shook his head. "I swear, you Au's are gonna drive me crazy."

"No, not Aubrey and I, just Audrina," she replied, sitting down on his bed and patting the spot next to her. "Come on, watch a movie with me. I'll stay here with you if you want."

"She won't be expecting you?"

"Aubrey came back an hour ago, thus why I came back so she'd have someone to talk to until Audrina came back. Aubrey can keep Rina company."

"She won't hate you for staying here?"

"I'm her best friend, no."

He sighed, sitting down and look at her, "No, it's okay. You can go."

"Jace, I can stay -"

He shook his head. "I just want to go to sleep, Drea. It's okay, really. I learned my lesson, I've gotta get over it and hope that maybe, you're right; maybe she is doing what I did to her just so I can see how it feels. But for now, I need to sleep because I have to be up in five and a half hours to go practice and then hit the studio to lay down a track for the new album. And then, of course, the show. I need to get relaxed, motivated and sleep. So you can go. Really. I'm fine."

Aundrea got up, leaning over and hugging him. "If you're sure ..."

"Yes, I'm sure, mom," he chuckled. "Now leave before I call Tim on your hispanic ass. I already called it on Lucy's trampy one."

Aundrea laughed. "Good night, Chasez."

"G'night, Fimbres," he said, saluting her as she rolled her eyes, closing the door behind her. He reached forward, turning off the bedside lamp and let the eerie glow of the moon illuminate the room as he laid back, heels of his hands into his eyes as he began to cry.