I thought I could do this. I thought I could show up, see what my money paid for, and walk out like nothing even mattered. The shit was twisted, and I knew this even before I decided to fly Cameron out from Germany and show up at the ‘Red Door’. I certainly had no plans to show up with Trace, nobleman –my ass, I was still coming to terms with his grave decision to finance this whole circus- on my dime. Fuck that we had a business deal and all that shit, it was all thrown out the door the moment Bryne decided she could get away with fucking every party involved. They wanted to throw a fucking party, I’m here to get the shit started.
“ Baby…come here.” The door was open, I was about to be greeted by the first flashing camera, but Cameron had other plans as she pulled me further into the back seat of the limo. Her tongue brimmed across the top of my lip before moving towards my nose to erase the evidence of my motivation. I sniffed self consciously, the bridge of my nose still numb from the shit she brought back with her, and kissed her absently. I couldn’t even taste her in my mouth, didn’t even want to, but I did it anyway just to ignore the unease I felt settling over me as I listened to the hush whispers just outside our limo door. I felt the sweat on my brow as I pulled from her and pushed out of the car, straightening only to find Tameka standing at the door- her jaw scraping the walk. Our eyes met, and a nervous heat rose within me. I could tell by the way she looked at me I wasn’t expected, and from the way her eyes shifted around, I could tell tonight was going to be that fucking night.
“ Wassup.” I smirked, the confidence flooding in from nowhere as I felt Cameron slide into position alongside me. Tameka’s eyes slid slowly towards Cameron and narrowed before they returned to my greeting.
“ Mr. Timberlake.” Tameka lowered her eyes before forcing the words out as she knodded curtly towards the door man. My eyes flashed angrily towards the thick Italian guy, daring him to make one attempt to try and stop us. I was writing his fucking check, I was writing all their fucking checks, should fucking say if they came or went!
“ Is there a problem?” I couldn’t help myself, I didn’t like the way his eyes sized me up. Anger boiled underneath the surface, barely sedating with the smooth hand Cameron placed on my chest or the soft kiss she left on the corner of my mouth.
“ Come on…” she purred, and I was reluctant to follow. Joe the fucking Italian sausage and I had a fucking score to settle and his ass was just one of the many on my fucking list tonight. I pushed passed him and through to the entrance, not even phased by the hanging lights or subtle music that beckoned me in. My eyes immediately scanned the scene, sweat forming on my fucking brow as I searched for her. Bryne. I hadn’t laid eye on her since that day in the hospital, since that day I found out…not even good ass blow could keep me from wanting to see her. Fuck.
“ Go grab us a table.” The crowd was heavy, moving in sync with the music, swaying back and forth like a sea of musical ornaments. My mind was fucking lifted, my eyes intent on finding the one person I didn’t need to see, and I needed a moment. I didn’t even wait for her to agree as I moved away from her and headed towards the stage. It was empty, the lights barely on, and I could tell I hadn’t missed the featured act. I recognized too many faces as I pushed through the masses, ducking everyone that tried to grab my attention, ignoring the eyes that questioned my appearance. I didn’t give a fuck about protocol or all that bullshit Trace tried to drum in my head about this fucked up situation, it was my fucking party that I could crash if I fucking wanted to.
“ Justin.” The hiss laced through the crowd and found my ears before my eyes could even focus on the flame of red curls moving purposefully towards me. I think I smiled, or something like it, I couldn’t tell…my lips felt fucking numb.
“ What…are you doing here?” Willow grabbed my arm, and pulled me the opposite direction, moving me towards a darkened corner on the other side of the room.
“ I fucking paid for this shit….”
“ Are you fucking serious right now??” Willow was some fucking genius, or she just knew me like the back of her fucking hand. She always caught my bluffs, always killed my highs, and saw no qualms in doing all of the above tonight.
“ Where’s your girl?” I looked around, couldn’t find her and felt that nervous heat rise to the collar of my shirt. Where the fuck was she?
“ Justin don’t do this right now.” Willow warned, her eyes pleading with me, and it was then that it dawned on me that my fucking best friends were rallying against me. How the fuck did Bryne pull Trace and Willow out of all of this? I was the one she screwed over, and she got the fucking mod squad??
“ What the fuck Willow..she screwing you too?” I didn’t even care to address the hurt that registered on her face. I talked to anyone any way I wanted, all but two people. One was at home in Memphis probably trying to call me, the other standing directly in front of me with tears brimming her eyes. I was too fucked up to care, or at least…I wanted to be.
“ Fuck you J.” Willow pushed hard against my chest and turned to storm off into the sea of people, no doubt hiding the tears she didn’t want me to see. Fuck. Let her cry, maybe then she’d stop rallying for the wrong fucking team. I pushed off the wall and decided a drink was in order. The night was becoming lamer than expected and I had a high to keep up. Luckily the old man wasn’t behind the bar, but some busty brunette. Her eyes flashed recognition, and for the first time- it seemed that night- someone besides Cameron fucking smiled at me.
“ What can I get you?”
“ Something hard.” I liked the way she licked her lips, even more how she leaned over the bar to pour me a straight shot of Stoli. She watched me throw it back, and poured another before I could even get the shot glass on the bar. “ Jesse.” She offered me her hand, but all I could see was her chest, and damn near missed the chance to shake it.
“ Justin.”
“ Oh I know.” She leaned down even lower to grab another glass to pour me a double. As the liquor caroused down my throat, I felt the familiar nostalgia of my high reignite and felt quite obliged to thank the buxom beauty. I had just placed my glass on the bar when I saw her, directly across from me, her eyes dancing with uncertainty as she stood there staring back at me. I was held in the moment, my thoughts trailing off to places I hadn’t wanted them to go, that anxious sweat resurfacing under my collar- the thickness of it clogging my throat. I watched her, watching me, and was instantly taken back to that morning in my hotel room..that magazine crumbled in hand, that brokenness that flooded me...even now.
“ You okay.” I completely forgot Jesse was talking to me, completely forgot why I was even there and for what purpose. Then his hand came around her side, his lips touched the smooth skin of her neck, and the anger rose slowly as a reminder. JC’s hand closed around the thin material of her silk green dress and it was like the pain I had misplaced so well came rushing forth like a fucking hurricane.
“ Yeah.” My eyes lifted from his hand and found hers again, discarding the plead I found in them. I swallowed hard and moved towards them, not sure if I had the restraint to keep myself from being thrown under the jail tonight. JC didn’t see me until I was only a few feet away from them, his eyes clouded with protectiveness as his hand moved to push Bryne behind him. I stopped short, barely a foot away from them and waited for my reaction. I didn’t have one, couldn’t think of one thing to say, couldn’t take my eyes of Bryne. She moved from behind JC, biting her lip indecisively, her eyes searching mine for any warning… I didn’t offer her anything…I couldn’t.
“ Justin. This is not the place…” I hadn’t even looked at JC. The man I called my brother, the man I fronted so that his career could have the chance to take flight. He kissed Bryne…he went after the only woman I ever claimed, the only one I ever wanted. I had no fucking respect for him, no fucking words…
