Chapter 26

“Ms. James.” My heart skipped a beat at the sound of Tameka’s smooth voice interrupting my thoughts. I immediately lifted my eyes to the door in search of my secretary, but was easily distracted by the flashing red dot on my phone and the clearing of her voice from inside of it. She was on my speaker, and even after acknowledging this, it took me a minute for it to register. “ Ms. James!” I was quickly bolted back into reality, thankful for the reprimanding edge in Tameka’s voice that could not be ignored. I doubted any other professional management and personnel relationship mirrored what Tameka and I had, but it was our understanding…and she completely got that I was on another wavelength right now.

“ Yes Meek.”

“ You’ve got to snap out of it.” This of course was delivered with a grain of salt, I had no choice but to accept it. She was right on all accounts. I may have single handedly ruined our biggest account, and not to mention the entire extent of my personal life, and I couldn’t afford any more fuck ups.

“ Was there something you wanted.” I was embarrassed, which probably came off as pissy, but Tameka was used to it. I’d been pissy for the better part of a week now, which was really comprised of stress and borderline insanity. I didn’t know what to do when I didn’t see Justin sitting outside of Miranda’s door a week ago. What did I expect really? To walk out, rush into his arms and immediately be forgiven. There was a time when I would do anything for him to leave me alone, now..I can’t stand it.

“ If I didn’t work for you so help me….” I could hear the roll of her neck laced through her words, could almost see her hazel eyes narrowing into slits. I dropped my head into my hands and tried to erase the image of Justin walking towards me in that hospital hallway. I didn’t know he already knew. I didn’t even think that maybe one of the jackasses that had been following me ever since that day would snap a picture that would stand to ruin many lives. I couldn’t blame it on the paparazzi though, it was fucked up shit that I did…the whole world just happened to know about it. “ Look, I have some.. guy on the phone for you…”

“ I’m busy.”

“Don’t make me come in there.” Truth was I hadn’t touched a thing on my desk. I had actually been sitting behind the mess in front of me for the last two hours and forty-seven minutes and hadn’t lifted not one paper. I hadn’t moved since the first of the fifteen vendors hired for JC’s event called to complain about their check being reversed. Justin was funding this entire thing..and now…he wasn’t.

“ Is it a vendor?”

“ What do I look like a psychic?” I’m positive Tameka would have been fired by now , if this were any other PR firm and I was any other boss. I rolled my eyes, wondering for the hundredth time in the years since she’s worked here, what exactly her job entailed. I mean she doesn’t follow any of the rules I enforce, she only screens calls she wants to know about and when she goes to lunch, I sometimes don’t see her until the following morning. She is everything a personal assistant shouldn’t be, but I yet and still I keep her around.

“ I guess not…” I sighed and grabbed the receiver as I waited for her to patch the call through. I was just beginning to scan the paperwork on my desk when the voice on the other end abruptly ended my concentration.

“Hey..uh..Bryne?...This is Trace.” I attempted to swallow, I think I even unsuccessfully tried to draw a breath..but all that managed to escape me was an awful choking sound. Tears rimmed my eyes, for unknown reasons, and I dropped my lids so that they would not have a chance to escape.  It was the closest thing to hearing Justin on the other end of my receiver,  and though it was his best friend, my heart sighed nonetheless. “ Bryne…you okay?!”

“Yes..” I still sounded crazed, but it was a slight recovery. Pushing a strand of hair behind my left ear I inhaled deeply. “ Hi Trace…how are you?” I sounded professional, or at least that was how I wanted to sound. I didn’t know how to act, should I pretend that the past few months hadn’t happened. I realized I couldn’t, since there would be no other reason for Trace Ayala to call me.

“ I’m good Bry..” I closed my eyes at the nickname, pretended not to hear the regretful sigh on the other end. “ How are you?” He sounded genuinely concerned, which probably accounted for the tears now streaming down my face. I paused momentarily, covering the receiver hoping he couldn’t hear the pain that silently slipped down my face in hot wet tears.

“ Busy..” I couldn’t say fine, the lie would have sounded absurd at this point. I could only say what I was apart from sad, afraid and confused…busy.

“ I’m sorry about everything.” I hiccupped on a choking sob and cursed myself for this ridiculous display. I just didn’t cry, this was so not me. What in the hell happened to my strong front? Where in the hell had it disappeared to?

“ Is there… something I can… help you… with” I was better off just sobbing into the phone, it would have sounded less forced.  I was trying to stay professional, trying not to let the agony consume me, not like this at my office with Justin’s best friend on my line.

“ I didn’t mean to upset you…I…I can call you another time.” Or just not ever, I thought lamely. At this point I was thankful for the seclusion of my office, even more so for not opting to have a glass front for my door…no telling what Tameka’s reaction would be to all of this.

“ I have allergies..its..” why the hell was I bothering with this ridiculousness? I stopped myself and let the silence past between us, if only it could erase the last two minutes..months.

“ Bry…”

“ What can…I do for you Trace.” Justin’s face popped into my head, his heady laughter rang in my ears and it was like I felt his warmth all over again. There was no reason for my thoughts to have gone there at this moment, but away they went. Guilt, began welding inside of me, and suddenly I just wanted this conversation to be over.

“ I spoke to…I heard about the situation with the vendors for the release party and I apologize for the inconvenience. That is NOT how we handle business, so I just wanted to assure you that the checks will be paid, and you will still be receiving your bonus as promised.”

I didn’t know what to say. I was utterly speechless in thought and words. I hadn’t even considered the repercussions of everything I had done, how my career hung in the fucking balance, how the vendors that had grown to trust me were now being faced with bounced checks. I didn’t blame Justin, I even expected it. This, this I didn’t expect.

“ Listen.. I know things are fucked up..” Yes, that would be putting it lightly, I thought. “ REAL fucked up, but JC is my boy…and eventually..one day, J will remember that too. Besides, reniggin is bad business, and I don’t do bad business.” He was trying his hardest to make light of the situation. But I could only reflect on how I ruined a withstanding relationship between to friends..two business partners. I was thankful for Trace’s intervention, but I was to weighted with guilt to express it.

“ Yeah.” It was a lame answer, but it was the best I had. We said our goodbyes and then hung up, leaving me to the silence of my office. I thought about Justin, how I had broke everything that we had and whatever foundation it was set upon. I thought about never seeing him again, never talking to him or touching him again. I thought about never being able to tell him how much I truly loved him, even if I didn’t understand it or was to afraid to admit it. I thought about Miranda, how frail she looked the other night before she forced me out of her room. I thought about how the end could come so fast, and how little power I had to stop it. I thought about JC, his understanding, the friendship he offered and everything else he wanted. I thought about all this until I ran out of room, and then once again, began to cry to release them through my tears.  I was sobbing so loud I didn’t hear Tameka march in until I heard her mutter ‘Damn’ under her breath before coming around my desk to encircle me with her arms. I realized now, as I held on tight to her golden brown arms, why I kept her around.

“ What am I gonna do with you.” I felt the first ripple rip through my chest until the sound blurted from my mouth. It sounded so foreign, I almost didn’t recognize it. I held on tighter to her as I released even more, and realized I was no longer crying but laughing my heart out. I looked up at Tameka, and laughed louder at the crazed expression covering her features. Shortly, she joined in, and as I sat there being comforted by my secretary, I realized this couldn’t have been any other PR firm, and I any other boss,