Author's Chapter Notes:
I'm sorry...i was having the craziest writers block..and of course at the most traumatic poart..please forgive me>.im currently working on the next installment..do enjoy..feedback most welcome :)
I fucking hate hospitals, I’m never in one for good reason. I look around the pale green walls of this vacant hallway, and feel my stomach cave in on me. From a distance, I can see that old guy from the club pacing back and forth. He’s kept his distance, his old man shoes tapping against the tile floor with every repeated step, and I wonder how exactly he feels about me being here. I could tell from our brief exchange he knows exactly what Bryne and I are- were- about, and only now am I beginning to wonder why exactly am I here. I didn’t think twice about what I was doing until now. What the fuck am I doing here? I couldn’t recap the events of the last twenty four hours, not on purpose, yet I couldn’t stop the image of Bryne and JC…kissing…Bryne wearing the same shirt I just took off of her…Bryne and me on the counter of my kitchen…Bryne and Miranda on every magazine. It was enough to make a man go crazy. That’s exactly what I felt like..a fucking crazy ass fool waiting outside of the Miranda’s hospital room door like I had a fucking right to be here. What the fuck was I expecting? What did I really want Bryne to say to me? Did I want to talk to her about whatever was going on with her girlfriend that ended her here, or would I rather talk about what’s going on with her and JC? I didn’t have the answer…and I didn’t want the answers that followed in either situation. I turned to watch the old man continue his pace, my head to wound to even decide on how I should feel. I was so many things for so many reasons, but most of all I was just sick. Shit, good thing I’m in a hospital.It was no fucking good though. I felt the bile rising in my throat, the pain stabbing at my chest, and the helplessness weighing heavily on my shoulders coupled with an emptiness that threatened to take over me. I felt that familiar twang of indifference moving in on me. I almost welcomed the hollow feeling that left me detached and untouchable. If I ever had good enough reason to be the way I was before, this was it. I never had a reason to be that way, never had a reason until now. I rose slowly, not even thinking about what I was doing until I took the first step. I watched the old man stop in mid stride, his eyes a clear cold warning, as I strode past the open door. My step faltered as I heard her voice, and even though her words weren’t directed toward me, it felt almost like she was calling to me. I had a moment’s hesitation, to go back to that bench and wait to talk things out. For a second there was doubt, there was uncertainty. For a moment I felt that warmth, that pure undaunted feeling I had for her and only her, but then the pain of this morning, of that picture, of this hallway leading to her lover’s hospital room overshadowed any moment of doubt. I moved past the door, further and further away from her voice until I passed the old man who still stood watching me. I swallowed the pain, ignored the faint pull of my heart and turned the corner to the corridor doors. I saw the expanse of Lonnie’s back blocking the paned glass. I tried not to think of that moment, when our eyes had met just before she stepped into the room. They screamed a thousand apologies, nearly diluted every trace of anger that had welled inside of me up to that point. They held me in place, sat me down in that fucking bench and kept me there just long enough for me to realize I didn’t know why. I couldn’t ask myself that question anymore, because the answer just didn’t fit. I know what brought me here…it’s the same thing that’s driving me away. It’s the only thing I dodged my whole life, the only reason I didn’t have to settle..didn’t have to care. It was the one thing strong enough to break me, and for that reason I have to walk away. I tapped on the door, and as Lonnie opened the left door, I passed through the old me.
Story Tags: missionary oral celebrityj cheaterj triangles enemiesturnedlovers
