Chapter 19b
This might sound crazy, but I keep having this reoccurring radical idea that I somehow let the fact that I love Justin slip out of my mouth. It’s really a thought, one that seems all too familiar every time the image resurfaces in my mind. It takes me back to that emotional day when I showed up at Justin’s office, distraught and confused about what it was I wanted to do. Naturally, I fell into his arms, fell even deeper into his kiss, and then…well, it happened. All over again, I was under him, he was inside of me and that feeling that I’ve finally recognized as undeniable love washed over me, us really, and took over the moment like I never protested to it in the first place. Like it was meant to be there, like it had a right to overstep my resistance and take its place. I hadn’t wished it there, but I had never wished anything about Justin and I to come true. If anything, I wished him out of my life. Then he could take away this complex mess that I just can’t seem to find my way out of. Like how I’m sitting here now, completely ignoring my duties as an event planner, and instead fully engrossed in whether or not I happened to mention to Justin that I love him. I couldn’t have said it, right? I was sure I hadn’t said anything like that in my right mind, but who’s to say where my mind goes whenever I’m with Justin. It certainly isn’t where it needs to be, especially not when he’s…I can’t even go there right now…I’m already distracted enough as it is. JC keeps looking over at me, his smile infectious, his eyes probing, and every time I give him a distracted smile. He can tell I’m out of focus, I know he can tell, because he keeps throwing me the questioning brow as if he’s been asking me a question for the last hour when he hasn’t said one word at all. It would be funny, him trying to catch me off guard and exploit my diverted attention- but as I said before, I’m too distracted to laugh. I wonder if I really said it? I’ve been preoccupied with trying to figure out even more than I’ve been with trying to dodge the damn paparazzi. In fact, just yesterday I saw a picture of me staring into space, actively plucking my eyebrows. My first thought was how did anyone get close enough to capture such a private moment, which I undoubtedly recognized the moment as such- since it was only when I thought about Justin that I looked like that. Like a dazed, completely infatuated, love struck fool! My second thought was how angry my stylist would be when it came time to reconstruct some semblance of an eyebrow after I was through with them. With the nerves I got running through me, I was fortunate to have anything left to pluck.
“ Has anyone ever told you how good you look when your distracted?” I smoothed my index finger and thumb across the tiny hairs of my brow and smiled hesitantly up at JC who in return flashed a charming grin. He was very much about flattering me as of late, and maybe it was something he had always done, but it was only now that I was beginning to take notice. It was one other thing, buried inside the list of unwanted thoughts that took the expanse of my logical thinking. Another eyebrow plucking ordeal that was slowly picking up weight with the increasing amount of time I was beginning to spend with him. We’ve been working closely, in fact very closely for this last week, in preparation of his release party. I even spent his birthday with him, being that he gladly pushed back the event and essentially had nothing planned as a celebration. It had started off as a regular scheduled meeting to discuss caterers, and somehow turned into an all day excursion across the United States. I was more than willing to go, since it was becoming increasingly hard to be around Miranda, and Justin was out of town, leaving me an open schedule and a willingness to fill it. I didn’t even think twice about his invitation, just followed him out to the limo and the next thing I know I’m boarding a private jet. We went to Florida to eat lunch and walk on the beach, and then we went to Chicago to go shopping for evening wear and catch a jazz show, finally ending up in Las Vegas where I spent more than a handful of his cash at the slot machines and drank more apple martinis than I ever should have been allowed to. It was a wild night, an destructive one too, since it ended with me pummeling down the back staircase of the hotel we were staying in. I spent the night in the hospital, JC laughing at me the entire time from the side of my hospital bed. It was a memorable night, one that I was sure would make gossip headlines! Only, there hadn’t been a word about it, and come to mention it, I don’t even think Justin knows any of that happened- which makes these flirtatious side bar remarks JC keeps slinging me even more harder to decipher. So I do like I always do, and ignore them, and his suggestive grin, and carry on about my ridiculous existence.
“ If you think flattery will get you a discount, think again.” I laughed off the awkwardness and ignored the grin slowly spreading across his face. My eyes couldn’t help but appreciate the complexity of his smile, how his skin smoothed over the sharp construct of his jaw or how his lips held their fullness even while spread across his teeth. These were things I shouldn’t even be considering, but there I was giving them my full attention.
“ While that may not work…there are other things that I’m especially good at.” He paused, allowing just enough time for me to digest his words before continuing, “ If I could show you, maybe then you would change your mind.” Sometime between the start of this conversation and now I had to have swallowed what little saliva I had in my mouth, because it feels like I’m swallowing cotton as I attempt to clear my throat. My cheeks are already aflame, my eyes have long since flocked to some unimportant object in the nearest vicinity and the guilt flushes over me before I have a chance to put things in its proper perspective. To make matters worse, I can see Ray looking at us from across the room from behind the bar where he stood washing glasses. He had been keeping an eye on the things for Miranda, ever since she boarded the plane to Columbia about a week ago. She had decided shortly after the third or second magazine cover that I had graced alongside Justin, that it was too much for her to handle and that it broke her heart for to have to deal with all this publicly. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that the rumors were not all lies, that when I claimed to away with a client, that I was in fact somewhere with Justin. I told her I was going to leave him alone, I’ve done everything but and now these sudden thoughts of JC just added the icing onto this destructive cake. It was hard enough having to lie to Miranda, having to keep secrets from her- and have her believe them when the proof was all over ever tabloid and magazine. It was a relief when she boarded the plane to Columbia, but it was devastating to have to watch Justin push his way through the crowd to board his plane to Los Angeles from the unmarked black sedan parked across the street. It was the closest I could get to him before he left, the best he could do for us on such short notice since Bill had absentmindedly told him at the last minute about movie contract meetings he had scheduled that were absolutely necessary for him to attend. Bill knew about those meetings, just like he knew I had no intention of taking myself out of Justin’s life. Especially not now that I know I love him. I’ve finally figured something out about this entire chaotic mess and now it’s like I have even more doubts, even more obstacles and even more questions. I look at JC, and I have no idea what I’m getting myself into. I know it’s something, because Ray hasn’t taken his eyes off of us since we stepped through the door and Ray doesn’t just waste his time staring after nothing.
“ I think we should go with the brown lampshades on the table…it’s a more sophisticated look.” We hadn’t been talking about lampshades, in fact I hadn’t even been thinking of lampshades. If I had been, I wouldn’t have suggested such a ridiculous idea such as that, brown lampshades when our color palate is clearly black and white. His eyes show his confusion, and then they settle into that familiar glare that tells me we can get back to business.
“ I think you might be onto something…” I wasn’t, but it had to do for now.
Author's Chapter Notes:
It has been a LOOOOOOOONG time...forgive me, my mind and computer have been having unneccessary malfunctions..tee hee hee...i'm back though and here is the latest chapter..hope you enjoy
Story Tags: missionary oral celebrityj cheaterj triangles enemiesturnedlovers
