Chapter 11

I glanced in my compact mirror for the seventh time since I first took my seat behind the bar three minutes ago. I don’t know what it was that my nerves going, my heart jumping, and my anxiety heightening- and I have no idea why I think glancing at myself every twenty-five seconds is going to produce some kind of change in this unnatural state. There was no wind, very little heat, and absolutely no activity that would cause my hair to move even a hair out of place, but there I was staring at myself, pulling at the same strands that still had yet to break from it’s loose curl. My hair was flawless, like it had been the last time I checked. I was going insane.

" Another martini ma’am."

" Two please." the bartender gave me a look before turning to concoct my drink, and I ignored him like I tried to ignore the rapid tapping of my foot just below me. Why was I so nervous? I know exactly why I’m so nervous, that wasn’t what concerned me..it was the fact that I was nervous that had my mind frantic and my heart beating fast from within. He was already ten minutes late, and if I wasn’t thankful for the extra time to gather my fucking senses, I would have been livid. But the fact remains that I need this time, I need this solace to drink away my uneasiness so that I could at least try to appear somewhat normal..and very nonchalant. Two things that I was no where close to being.

" Here you are?" the bartender was back with that lifted eyebrow bullshit that I’m figuring is suppose to serve as some type of display of silent concern. He didn’t know me from Adam..or rather Eve, and it was none of his business if I decided to throw back a couple of martini’s in the middle of the day. He had no idea what I was preparing for.

" Thanks." I breathed handing him a tip, since he already had my card to build a tab, and hoped that the big face bill would sway him to abandon his concern. He got the hint and moved along the bar, while I reached for the first of the two glasses to gulp it back. I’m sure it would take more than this third martini of mine to get these damn goosebumps up my arm to settle, but I was willing to try anything at this point. It’s been five days, and I still can’t shake that eerie erotic filling in the pit of my stomach that emerges everytime I think of him. Justin. That kiss at the club was a mistake, but what took place in my office was not. I was fully conscious, fully aware, completely awaken by him and the shit scared me. It was like the past three years of my life had never taken place and I was experiencing my first sexual awakening in the arm’s of the one man I hated. Is it even possible? Could a kiss do that to you? There wasn’t too many places I could go searching for answers, but the one confidant I did have was the liquor that sloshed around in the bottom of this glass. Mr. Goose and I have formed a heavily sedated, but favorable relationship over these past couple of days. With him I’ve been able to resist the urge to dial the number the one number that seems to pop out of my franklin daily planner everytime I open it. Which is funny, because it’s not on every page, but specifically on the page under the numbers belonging to people with T as the first letter in their last name- and yet I seem to always find myself staring at the same ten numbers- with my finger on the number pad ready to dial. I am pathetic. I have nothing even substantially decent to say, that wouldn’t have me sounding like a sprung out fool, which is why I never do end up calling and why I was now moving to my second glass to finish it off. I wasn’t prepared for this meeting, had somehow missed where Tameka penciled in that I would be meeting with Justin today, and have been shitting bricks since I first stepped into this bar. Which is very nice, and high class, quite romantic, and making me nervous with every moment that passes and I’m still in it.

" Bryne?" I choked on the flow of liquid that was passing down my throat the same moment I heard my name come from his mouth. I covered my mouth, lifted my eyes and confusion and turned to stare at JC who stood behind me with a bemused look on his face. Swallowing my drink, I cleared my throat and tried to appear as if I was smoothing out the lines of my skirt rather than freaking out like I really am. I wasn’t expecting him, can’t say that I’m entirely disappointed, but can’t say that I am overly happy.

" JC..what a surprise." I breathed and noticed the puzzled look on his face.

" Justin did say we were meeting today, at three..I know I’m late but..." I felt stupid, very much uninformed and a little ridiculous for the way my heart fell when I realized Justin would not be coming.

" Oh..yes, yes, your right..I just thought he was coming.."

" He’s been in L.A. for like five days now." I tried to hide my surprise, but it was clear and very evident with the way my mouth dropped open and my eyes bugged out. The liquor was taking its toll and it was sad to realize that it was no longer needed.

" You didn’t know?"

" Uh..yeah I think he mentioned it." I lied, because I didn’t want to seem even less informed than I actually was. He hadn’t mentioned one word about leaving, which was odd because that would mean he left that day when he came to my office. " Oh gosh.."

" You okay?" I didn’t mean to say that outloud, I thought I was just thinking it. I closed my eyes and chewed on my bottom lip, hating that dizzying spell that always came when you tried to relax but sudden influx of alcohol had you trying to do otherwise.

" Yeah..just...a headache." It wasn’t what I said that made the whole insinuation that I had a headache so unconvincing, it probably had more to do with the four or so empty martini glasses sitting in front of me. Why in the hell hadn’t bartender man picked these up, I thought lazily. When I turned to look at JC, he was looking between the glasses and me, his doubt obvious even to me.

" Maybe we should call you a cab..." he opened his wallet and lifted his hands toward the bartender, flashing him a big bill. I hopped off my stool and reached for it, not meaning to grin, but I could feel my lips spreading anyway.

" At this hour..you’ll never get one." I don’t know what hour I thought it was, because I suddenly forgot the time, but I could tell that I must have been way off by the way JC was looking at me.

"Alright Bry..we’re getting you home."

" He’s got my card." I slurred and I hated the way I sounded. I cringed at my voice and leaned against the bar for support. I was too lifted to feel embarrassed, I actually just wanted another drink.

" Hey buddy....another martini..make it two!" I don’t know why it looks like I’m holding up six fingers, but either case at least one drink should be heading my way. All of a sudden, I didn’t feel so well and I moved to sit down because it felt like I was spinning out of control. I reached for my seat, felt air, but proceeded to sit down anyway. I was just thinking of what a long way it seemed to be to reach my seat when I suddenly felt two arms around my waist. I looked up, could have sworn I seen stars and collapsed against whichever body that stood behind me before my world faded to black.....

I opened my eyes and found that I was in my bed, tucked under an obtrusive amount of colors, with every curtain drawn and all the lights out. I heard voices, coming from the other side of the cracked door that seemed to be the only barrier of light. I turned my head to see if I could place them, but it felt like a fucking wave of nausea washed over me. Oh, shit..I must have done it again. I reached for the bottle of aspirin I usually keep on my nightstand for these occassions, but could only feel the smoothness of the wood mantle. Where the hell had my aspirin gone? I never move it, but maybe Miranda had. Throwing back the covers, which seemed to have wayed a ton, I began my ascent towards the bathroom.

" Fuck." I must have walked into the lounge chair I would have probably seen had all the lights been on. Within moments they were flicked on, and as I sat nursing my throbbing knee, JC and Belinda came into focus. What in the hell were they doing there? I thought I left JC at the bar..and Belinda..I’ve been avoiding her. What was she doing there?

" I knew you’d probably started this shit again!" She sighed angrily, picking me up off the floor and walking me back towards the bed. I rolled my eyes, knowing that she was about to blow all this shit out of proportion. She always did, like the big drama queen that she is!

" Oh gosh, I had a couple of drinks.." I started, forgetting that JC was even there until he came to stand in front of me.

" That’s always your excuse Bry..." I could hear the sermon on its way. She always thought she knew what she was talking about, but she didn’t. At least not in this case. This had nothing to do with my father. Nothing to do with Miranda. But everything to do with Justin. She’d probably piss her fucking pants if she knew that. I laughed to myself, or at least I thought I had.

" Bryne Nichole James..this shit isn’t funny!" Damn she knew too much information, and there she was like a fucking blabber mouth- yelling out my middle name. Why in the hell was she so mad anyway..and why is JC here?

" Simmer down...it’s not that serious Lindy." I eyed JC suspiciously, not at all liking the fact that he was standing in Miranda and I’s bedroom.

" Maybe I should go..." JC began, noticing the glare I was giving him. I suddenly felt bad, I didn’t mean to be rude. It’s not every day you wake up to find him, and your best friend that you’ve been avoiding because you think your falling for her man even though you’re a lesbian- when you wake up.

" I’m sorry, I’m just a little rattled. Why exactly are you both here?" I sounded a little nicer, even smiled. He still seemed hesitant and looked to Belinda before turning back to me.

" Well, we were suppose to meet and..."

" You passed out! You had like seven martinis and passed out!." I knew Belinda hated when I drank, mostly because I don’t and she always figures that when I do it’s because something is wrong. That something usually is my father, but this one time it wasn’t. Only I couldn’t explain that to her. What was wrong wasn’t something that she’d be willing to understand, like she does when I talk to her about my father. Yeah his fucking birthday just passed, but it’s been like two years since I cried over that. I’m passed that. I have new issues..or at least more to add to the list. Issues that I wasn’t too ready to talk to ANYONE about. I looked to JC and he looked so understanding, like it hadn’t been very unprofessional of me at all to have passed out during our scheduled meeting. " Goodness Bry..I’m going to call Miranda." she stormed out and I was left there with JC. He didn’t look as uncomfortable as I felt, in fact he looked a little concerned. I lowered my eyes and began to play with my shirt. It was the oversized University of Kentucky shirt my Dad used to where around the house. Funny, that I should have this on.

" I’m sorry about this.."

" Hey..don’t it’s cool. We’ve all had our moments." he smiled, and it was comforting. I smiled back, before lowering my eyes to the floor.

" Yeah...thanks. I guess we can reschedule." I smirked, because this isn’t exactly how I go about rescheduling clients- in the middle of my bedroom, hungover, and very much disheveled.

" Anytime." he smiled and I felt a little better.

" I guess Lindy was already knocking at my door when you brought me here." I just imagined she was, since she’s prone to do things like that, and I had been avoiding her all week.

" Actually, Justin called her." My heart sunk, my stomach flopped, and my eyes couldn’t hide their shock. What did he mean Justin called?

" Wh..why would Justin call?

" I used your phone to dial the last number you called, to get an idea of where you stayed and it dialed him." I could have thrown up, right then and there, and the sentiment would of had nothing to do with the liquor. " I told him what was going on and he told me to get you in a cab and he’d call back shortly to tell me where to meet Belinda." I was embarrassed that he knew, shock that he had done that.

" Wow."

" Yeah..he seemed real upset." JC stated matter-of-factly, then he pulled out my phone from his pocket. " Oh yeah..he’s been calling. He wanted me to call him when you woke up." My mouth was open, just hanging there, like a fucking monkey.

" You and Justin...you guys cool?" the question seemed honest enough, but it was the way that JC looked at me that had me thinking that maybe, just maybe he knew something. I was going crazy, I had to be. I was probably making JC out to seem like he was onto Justin and I simply because I was guilty. I was the worst.

" Yeah..we uh..settled our differences." I cleared my throat and was thankful for the sudden intrusion of Belinda stalking back into the room. I held my breath, hoping JC wouldn’t continue the conversation and quickly took the glass of water Belinda was handing me. Gulping down the fluids, I thought about how fucked up this entire situation was. I was playing with fire, and the damn thing was going to burn more than a couple of fucking bridges.