Chpt 10

She had no idea what she was asking me. With her mouth slightly parted, her breath fanning my face, I found that she was not only what I wanted, but what I so desperately needed. If I had to put into words all that I wanted from her, it would simply be everything. I wanted her body, every curve, every crevice, every secret place my mind couldn’t even think to fathom, I wanted it. Those thoughts of hers, the ones that had her sneering at me one minute, but then bending beneath me the next, I wanted those. I wanted her smiled, I wanted her frowns, I wanted her. The thought alone scared the shit out of me, because there hasn’t been a day that I haven’t thought about her. Since that kiss, the fucking mind numbing kiss, I can’t get the taste of her out of my mouth. I couldn’t even walk past a fucking department store counter without at least attempting to draw out her scent. One time I spent over an hour, lingering over the damn cosmetic section of Neiman Marcus - I must have sniffed damn near eighty bottles trying to find that one- it was to no avail. I don’t where the hell she got it, but they don’t sell that shit in stores, and if they did I’d buy a case and douse it over every square inch of my house, my car, hell I’d even sneak the shit on Cameron and Belinda’s neck- which is how I know I got it bad. Then she got me checking my phone every minute, wishing the thousand and one calls I’m receiving from Belinda’s persistent ass was at least one call from her. I don’t know why I was expecting one, from the way she looked at me just last week, there was no doubt in my mind that her disdain for me still stands. Only the memory of her kiss, the way her lips moved against mine, the way her fucking scent wove in and out my nose had me thinking that maybe, just maybe it wasn’t all disdain. She couldn’t kiss me like she had if it was, she couldn’t kiss me like she just did if it was. So now I’m standing here, having come in her office on a false pretense to talk about our business together when really I could give a damn about any of that at this point- I just needed to see her. I walk in and she’s balling like there’s no tomorrow, her shoulders were shaking so violently that I couldn’t stop myself from going to her. My plan wasn’t to mention the kiss, in fact I didn’t really have a plan, I was going to wing it and pray that she allowed me to stay for as long as I could. I was suppose to be meeting Cameron at her photo shoot on the other side of the city, I was supposed to be accompanying her to JFK where she was catching a flight back out to her movie shoot. I should have been worried about seeing my girlfriend off, but it somehow meant more to me to come and see this woman, console this woman, assure this woman that I wasn’t fucking my best friend. I knew she thought that, I could tell it in the way she looked at Willow, and I found myself agonizing over how I could convince her that Willow and I were just friends. For some reason I didn’t want Bryne thinking I’m out here fucking every Sue, Lisa and Jane. I might be, at least I had been, but if it meant never seeing that look again in her eyes I would just as soon stop. That...that right there had my ass confused more than a motherfucker!

" Do..you?" She was so fucking beautiful, and it amazed me each and every time. Did I want her? My ass could dodge the shit out of every fucking woman that’s been apart of my life for some time but couldn’t get enough of her. I literally couldn’t get enough of Bryne James, there was no doubt that I wanted her.

" Yea." I leaned in and kissed her, holding the back of her head in the palm of my hand. I felt her exhale deeply into my mouth, her hand rising to my arm, holding onto me like I’d leave her. Like I’d bolt out any minute, like this moment wasn’t real. I pushed myself back into the space between her legs and deepened our kiss, moving my other arm to bring her closer to me. This moment felt surreal, like it wasn’t even happening, and I knew any moment reality would come crashing down and this momentary solace that we had would end.

" You didn’t ask me." I pulled my lips from her neck, kept my hands at her waist, as I looked her in the eye. That moment of truth, the moment I was trying to avoid suddenly came. I wanted her, and it was simple enough to understand. She was a beautiful woman, she smelled like something I don’t believe even exist- except for on her- but it drives my senses wild anyway. I wanted her. But it was more than that. Usually I’d want to fuck the shit out a woman, or feel the way her mouth closes around my dick- it’s about as blunt as I get and I’m not too ashamed in telling them. I’m a man, and I have status, which makes all the shit that I desire become most women’s will to do for me. Being at the top for so long, you forget what its like to be rejected. To be told no. It’s rare that you find someone who isn’t willing to fall down at the sight of you and do as you please. Bryne, she’s different. She doesn’t cater to me because I’m Justin Timberlake, in fact I think she hates me because I’m Justin Timberlake. The sex icon, the womanizing male recording artist who can hush a crowd of woman with a smile and three high notes. Even Belinda, I’ve known her for eight years and I think she still gets off on the fact that I’m who I am. Cameron, her and her agents rape the shit out of my status, and all for the glory of her career. I know these women want me, and more importantly, I know why these women want me. But Bryne..I don’t know. I can’t believe I’m even kissing her, holding her..shit holding back the urge to make love to her. Since when the fuck did I do that? Her hand was against me, fucking easing the pain out of my throbbing member, and I stopped her. I stopped her because I wanted it to be different with her. I could take her right now on this desk, fuck the shit out of her two or three times until my body was completely sedated with her. Until I was immersed in her fucking essence, so much so that I could walk out the door and smell her all the way home. But it wouldn’t be enough, I wanted more. Which scared me, because she was one person I wasn’t sure would give me everything I wanted. The things I wanted from her, would mean she would have to want me. All of me. The good and the bad. I couldn’t change what I’ve been, and I know she already has her ideas about what I’ve been, hell I’ve been fucking her best friend for damn near eight years..and I had a girlfriend. Someone like her deserved someone better than that, I hadn’t been better than that, and I don’t know if I could be better than that. I wanted to be, for her sake- another thing that scared me shitless.

" Don’t you want to know?" I looked at her, I breathed her in, and my mind whirled with the thoughts. I was better off not knowing, at least then I wouldn’t feel like such a fucking disappointment. I wanted to be more to this girl than an occasional fuck, and I couldn’t blame her if that’s all she wanted to be to me. I’d made my own bed, and now I have to fucking lay in it. I wasn’t willing to just be that, and I didn’t want confirmation that I’d just be that.

" No." she gave me a puzzled look, and I kissed the side of her mouth before pulling away. It took all I had to cross to the other side of the room and take the seat in front of her desk, away from her, away from her warmth, on the otherside- back to reality. I waited for her to turn around, and after about five minutes I didn’t think she would. I expected to be met with her familiar frosty glare and my heart did jump when I noticed how swollen her lips looked- my mind instantly referring back to our kiss. I adjusted myself in the seat, cleared my throat and lowered my eyes from hers. It was an awkward moment, but much more forgiving than the one that would have followed had she told me what I didn’t want to hear.

" I think August 8th would be the perfect date." she sounded so professional, nothing like the vulnerable weak voice laced with desire that fluttered against my eardrums moments before. I breathed in heavily, taking in the scent of her, wishing I could just cross back over and place my mouth all over her. I started thinking about how good she probably tasted in between her two southern lips and my fucking pants pitched a tint. I had to get out of there, had to get my fucking control together. I didn’t want to do anything we’d both regret, and I’d regret the fuck out of life if I blew any chance of having her the way I wanted just so I could have her this once.

" JC’s birthday." I knodded and we met eyes for a moment. Her own were suddenly lightened, like the prospect of questioning what just happened between us came to mind, but then the cloud of familiar loathe seeped through and she was back to looking down at her papers.

" Is that good for you?"

" Yea..it’ll be fine."

" We should get a guest list then."

" Yeah..maybe we could get together with JC and come up with one."

" Or just maybe JC and I." There was a moment of silence, the air was thick and laced with silent intensity as we stared back in forth. Her eyes challenged me, and I had to swallow hard. She was just trying to get a rise out of me, and although she was succeeding in more ways than one, I wasn’t going to let onto the fact. If she was implying that I drop off and let her and JC take care of everything, we had another battle on our hands.

" Or maybe all of us."

" I don’t think it’s in our best interest." she was trying to keep it professional, so I could commend her for that. But the shit she was referring to wasn’t professional, it was personal and though I’d rather not bring it into our professional relationship- it looked like it was already imbedded deep within.

" Why?" There were so many reasons why, but I wanted to hear some of hers. I’m sure I know some. She just looked at me, and I really thought she didn’t mean to answer. Her eyes just lowered into slits and her chest moved up..and then down..and then up...

" Get out."

" No matter what we end the same way." I laughed..it was probably inappropriate, but she had to see the humor in my logic. I could come in here offering peace, she’d throw me out..consolation, same difference. I’m beginning to believe if I gave her what she obviously wanted I’d be sent packing not too long after.

" Listen..I want to drop this account. I’d pay money to drop this account. I do NOT want to work with you..be around you...KISS you..and all the shit that you manage to make happen anyway!"

" So I made you kiss me?" she always passed everything off to me. Like I was the one responsible for every bad decision in her life. I fucked up once, but leave it to her and I’ve pretty much fucked up every minute of my existence.

" I didn’t want to." she spat, her mouth twisted, but her eyes certainly giving her away. She was lying, and doing a horrible job might I add. Why in the hell was she so intent on NOT giving into me? Did she really have to lie to avoid it?!

" You fucking wanted to."

" No..."

"Yes..Bryne, you did. Don’t. Don’t sit there and act like I fucking forced your tongue down my throat!" she looked pissed, standing to her feet and leaning over her desk. She did this often while I was around, the only other thing she always seem to do besides kissing me whenever I come around.

" Fuck you Justin. You probably get off on this shit! Does it make you happy? Do you like the feeling of being able to conquer every fucking piece of ass in this WORLD!" I finally stood up, hating that she viewed me like some fucking self-serving player. I’ve had my share of ass, I have, and I’ve done my dirt, but I wasn’t that horrible of a fucking person. I was a decent individual, who occasionally gave into my own need, but I never duped anyone into thinking they were something more to me than they were.

" I never went after EVERY fucking piece of ass! What the fuck Bee..you think I’m some kind of self-serving bastard?!"

" No Justin...I think you should get the "boyfriend" of the year award!" We were standing there yelling in her office like we were yelling over us. I wasn’t her boyfriend, I never did anything to her in that way, I wouldn’t do anything like that to her, but her stubborn ass has got it all settled in her mind that I’m some self-serving bastard! Even if I wanted to change, it would do her no good!

" So what Bryne...should I just fuck you now? It doesn’t seem to make a difference if I do or I don’t. Is that what you want? For me to fuck you. Right here, right now." She backed down a little, her eyes lowering, and her body cowering from me. Couldn’t she see that I was trying to do the decent fucking thing? That a moment before I could have taken her for all she had, and I didn’t.

" Why..when you have Belinda. And Cameron. And the fucking.."

" Red Head. Bryne her name is Willow. She’s my best friend, the girl friend of my only other best friend in this gotdamn world. I’m NOT fucking her!" I pushed back my chair and turned my back on her, pissed that she got me this fucking heated when all I was trying to do was do the right thing. It’s like I can’t even fucking win with this girl, no matter how much I want to. I placed my hand on the knob and turned back to her before opening the door. She was standing behind her desk, her face a mask of many emotions, none of them which I could read- which only frustrated me more. " You want JC you got JC."

" At least I don’t have to worry about him trying to fuck me..and all the other woman in the gotdamn world." I closed my eyes and breathed throughout my nostrils. She was one hell of a force to be reckoned with, and for the life of me I couldn’t understand why I’d rather do this with her than not.

" I don’t want to fuck you Bryne. You really want to know what I want ?" I didn’t wait for her to reply, I just leveled my eyes with her and held them with my own. " I want to have you..all of you, and know that when I finally do have all of you..I’m gonna take you inch by inch, until you realize that it’s never been about fucking you." Her mouth dropped open, and from across the room- I could tell her breathing stopped. She didn’t even utter a sound as I made my departure, moving past Tameka- who obviously heard everyword- and down the steps, unwilling to be in the proximity of Bryne any longer. If I had stayed..I know without a doubt, I would have made good on my word.