Chapter 9
The streets were crowded. I don’t know why I thought there would be one sole hour of the day that I would have Canal St all to myself, just to wander and play, and bargain and shop. I love the street vendors, they’re who make New York. Nowhere else can I buy designer head to toe and spend a whopping $200 for the entire ensemble. Then there is the food. Yeah, to some it’s just hot dogs and peanuts, but to me it’s like a feast fit for kings..or rather queens in my case. I absolutely love the candied peanuts, and the fact that I can grab a can of Schwepps ginger ale on any corner puts the icing on the cake for me. Canal St. is where I come to get away from it all, and just let myself go! I’ve spent the last week with my nose in the books, trying to tackle any and every account besides the one that’s been in need of my infinite attention. I just can’t bring myself to open the file. I don’t want to see his name, I don’t want to dial the number, I don’t want to deal with the fact that one day- and one day soon- I’d have to face him again and deal with all that came as a result of that kiss. It was just a kiss. I tell myself this everyday, and I try to push it under a rug as if it was as innocent as stealing a cab. It’s not. It’s not as easy as it is when your driving off in some other person’s cab, looking behind you through the dirty back window and offering them the apologetic ‘I didn’t know’ shrug. No, but I wish it was. No this kiss is comparable to the not so innocent accident of running a stop light. In some cities, or small towns, you get away with it. Nobody gets hurt, and if your ever caught, the most you get is a slap on the hand. But in New York, your likely to cause a fucking traffic pile up. That’s what those damn lips of his are causing me, and I’m hating every minute of it. How could I have been so stupid, to honestly stand there and..oh gosh, I hate to even think the word. It just brings to mine the way he felt, and the way he tasted, and that sickening feeling fills my stomach- and those questions cloud my mind- and I’m right back to the center of my guilt, utterly confused, and damn mad about it.
" Would the pretty lady like to buy a tie for her husband?" It was an innocent question, coming from an innocent vendor, but he just picked the wrong day..and unfortunately the wrong girl to ask.
" I’m a lesbian." I didn’t yell it, I didn’t even sound too happy about it, but I said it, and that was that. I am. I am a lesbian, and unless he was going to sell me a fucking pair of pantyhose for my girlfriend that particular Vendor couldn’t do anything for me!
" Oh." I watched him retreat back into his station and sneered as I huddled my bags closer to my persons and began stalking down the sidewalk. This was suppose to be a relaxing experiment, and I had no real reason to be parading around like it wasn’t. I was on Canal St, far-far away from my office and even father away from Justin. I took a deep breath in and readjusted my attitude. He wasn’t going to rob me of my simplistic pleasure in vendor shopping, no one was. Which is why I completely ignored Belinda’s request to tag along. I hadn’t even told her I was coming, who I had told was Tameka. She was my secretary, and the only reason she was informed was so that she’d have an idea of where I was in case an emergency arised. Since I’ve left the office, I’ve received numerous phone calls with just too many people knowing where I was. First there was Miranda, then there was my mother and then Belinda. She almost begged me to meet up with her on the train, but I absolutely refused. Truth was, I hadn’t seen her since that night. I couldn’t face her. Which was good for me to do, but I guess my timing for it all was pretty bad for her. I’ve checked the first five of the twenty messages she left on my phone and from the sounds of it she is really choked up about Justin. From what I gathered, she hasn’t seen him since that night and she knows he’s probably avoiding her because of Cameron. Usually this kind of banter bored me, made me feel like I wish I’d never answered the phone. Times like these were when I’d pull out my strict ‘No Justin Timberlake" policy and enforce it to its fullest. Only this time, I couldn’t stop listening, I wanted to hear what he was up to. If he had fucked Belinda since, if he was at home fucking Cameron. It’s insane, really because I used to be indifferent to him and now..now, I’m fucking aggravated. More like pissed. And I have no right to be. That’s the part that scares me. I even told Andy that I can’t..or rather I wouldn’t be allowing any more of Justin’s sentiments to be sent to my office. Usually I didn’t care. It was expected, now I couldn’t take any part in them. I wanted every reminder of him out of my office, out of my mind, out of my life. I just kissed the poor bastard. When had a kiss done anything like this to me. As if on cue with my self pitying thoughts, droplets of rain began to pelt down onto me. I reached the next vendor and purchased an umbrella, not willing to wait another second without one in fear of a downpour. As I tour the plastic off, I thought about how ridiculous I was acting. I was a fucking lesbian tripping over a meaningless kiss shared with a man. Yeah the man happened to be Justin, my best friends lover, the man I hate, but he was a man at any rate. I wasn’t interested in men. They weren’t compassionate. They had no morals, no heart, no fucking care for others. They were a bunch of ruthless panty chasing bastards that did what they wanted, when they wanted, to whoever they wanted. Not to say that there weren’t any exceptions, but surely there weren’t enough! I was taking to long to get the damn thing going and I felt the rain begin to fall harder. By the time I got the umbrella opened, my silk cotton shirt was drenched, my hair was a chaotic mess and the fucking sidewalk was suddenly bombarded with pedestrians. I began moving in the same direction of them, trying to make my way to Venny, my favorite vendor with the best Kate Spade bags on the strip, when I heard several screams. I kept moving, it was New York, you learn to overlook. Only the screaming kept coming, and it seemed to be geared toward the direction I was headed. I pressed on nonetheless and prayed that I’d make it to Venny’s in one piece. I reached the end of the block and stepped onto the street, only a few feet away from Venny’s. Some obtrusive black man was standing rather close to the familiar cart, and I hoped that Venny wasn’t getting busted. He had this yellow bag, " Erica" , that I was just dying to have.
" Please, step away from the lady and Mr. TImberlake." The big burly man was pointing to a group of men with cameras just ahead, his voice stern and strong. I must have stopped in the middle of the street, unable to move after hearing his name, for suddenly I was being pushed forward. When I regained my composure I could clearly see him..and then her..and then him with his arm around her. My stomach dropped, my throat dried and I believe the semblance of anger burned in my eyes. Why was I angry, I couldn’t tell you, but I was. Then she laughed, the red head whose body was inseparable from his was throwing her head back in a fit of laughter. He was laughing to, whispering something in her ear and it reminded me of the way his lips touched my ear..begging me, edging me on. Just then someone crashed into my arm and violently pushed me to the side. I turned to glare at them, but they were gone, already forgetting that I was once in their way. Turning back I watched as Justin and the woman moved around the bags, fingering a different one, finding something else to yet again laugh about. I felt the bile rise in my throat. The anger was shooting out of my nostrils, but why. Why in the hell was I so angry?
Tell me..tell me why you care so much.
His words played over and over in my mind and I felt like I was about ready to scream. I couldn’t believe he was there, and then with whoever the damn girl was that just wouldn’t stop laughing and throwing her fucking head back.
Tell me.
" Ma’am, please step away." I didn’t realize it, until Justin’s eyes looked up and met with mine. I must have been ignoring his bodyguard for a long time because he sounded very perturbed when I tuned back in and I could tell, by the way that he was hovered over me, that he had every intention of moving me himself. Before I could protest, Justin was at his side, grabbing his arm.
" No...she’s cool." I didn’t have time to be grateful for his rescue, I was too caught up in all the emotion his devil ass brought out of me. I choked back my gasp and was thankful that I had that little control. I could only look in his eyes for a moment before I had to turn away. They were to beautiful. " What...what are you doing here?" I wanted to ignore him, but something inside of me wanted to respond to the obvious curiosity and the not so obvious nervousness behind his words. I looked down at my feet and willed myself to forget those lips of his pressed up against mine.
" I..I was just looking for a bag." It was none of his business, but the odds were against me and frankly cussing him out in broad daylight, in the middle of a rainy New York street while he was surrounded by body guards and his female companion wouldn’t be in my best interest.
" Yeah." he breathed and if I wasn’t so focused on how the rain pressed his t shirt even more into his chest, I would have noticed how uncomfortable he looked. He surely sounded the part. Maybe he was expecting to be caught frolicking around with Ms Red Head. Just like a man, and more importantly just like Justin. I can’t believe I...
" Toad..you’ve GOT to see this bag!" I grimaced at the ridiculous pet peeve name and looked over to see the red head dangling my "Erica" bag in front of her. I was livid. It was the last one, I could tell because there was no other like it on display and Venny didn’t have a back room with inventory. " I soooo want this one!" I couldn’t control my snort, and I didn’t care at that point that Justin had heard me.
" Fuck." I hissed before turning around and marching in the opposite direction. I heard Justin call my name once, but I ignored him and I even ignored Venny whom I could see peering over his cart to watch me stalk down Canal St. What was suppose to be a day spent forgetting Justin and grabbing my bag turned out to be an awful twist of fate. Not only did I run into Justin, but his latest conquest grabbed my bag. Fuck. Fuck.Fuck.
