Chapter 8

"Justin...over here!" I grimaced, but not in response to the overzealous cameramen that surrounded us. Instead I was once again pushing the ignore button on my phone to silence the nineteenth call Belinda had placed to me in the last four minutes, she was pushing my patience and resistance to do much else than sigh. Luckily Cameron was so preoccupied with her PR agent Ben that she had no clue the woman I’ve been fucking for the last eight years was currently blowing my phone the fuck up. It’s been like this all day, starting way before sunrise and I seriously doubt the woman has any intentions of stopping before nightfall. Usually I’d high tail my ass over to her apartment, lay into her ass about hounding me all day and then fuck the shit out of her- but that would only be under normal circumstances. It’s not even that Cameron is here, which is what I’m sure Belinda believes its all about, but its not. It’s about Bryne. I’d never tell Belinda’s crazy ass that, but I might as well be frank- at least with myself. And Bryne James is fucking the shit out of my normal ass routine. Seriously.

" Baby...smile..now." I tucked the phone back into my denim jean pocket and produced the camera ready smile Cameron practically demanded I reveal through gritted teeth. After several flashes, and a blink of the eye later I was once again fishing out my phone to silence yet another one of Belinda’s calls or so I thought. When I glanced down at the screen a natural smile spread across my face and without second thought I excused myself to a nearby empty sidewalk table. Flipping my phone opened, I settled into the available chair and beamed.

" Surprise..surprise."

" Get your nose out your ass and tell me you can get you to JFK in a matter of minutes." Willow Sparks was the runner up contestant in Millington’s 1992 Dairy Day Talent Show, coming second to none other than me. She just didn’t have enough charm to swoon the crowd, as I had, in her frilly, overstuffed, yellow princess dress. I believe she belted out some reindition of whatever Whitney Houston song was out and popular at the time, but once again her vocals had nothing on my breeches. The stint was damn near 15 years ago, which would make her one of my oldest friends- once again coming second to Trace. I like to believe that even if she wasn’t the love of Trace’s life, she’d still be apart of mine since our grounds of friendship rely heavily on our blunt, sarcastic and highly egotistical attitudes. She’s the only girl I can safely call a friend because she is the ONLY girl in my life that I haven’t fucked, have no intentions of fucking, and can bet my life along with at least a handful of others that even if I was asnine enough to try- I’d end up fucking myself over somehow. I respect that she’s Trace’s girlfriend, but that isn’t why I never made a pass at her- mind you, she wasn’t always with the Tracemeister. And if your thinking there’s something wrong with her ass, aside from the obvious, then that’s a dead end too because Willow is gorgeous. She has the thickest red hair imaginable, that’s more than likely gonna be in a sloppy ponytail tucked on the top of her head, and her eyes are fucking hypnotic. Aside from that she has one of the thickest asses I’ve ever seen on a white girl, and unlike the many ‘mislead’ white girls- such as Cameron- she actually can dance. So after listing all these fabulous qualities and discounting the fact that she’s actually Trace’s girlfriend, I’m sure your still wondering why in the hell haven’t we fucked. Well I’ve never thought about it, so I guess that’s going to be one of those questions that is often asked but never answered. It just makes sense that we didn’t, always has and always will.

" Well when you put it like that..good luck hailing a cab." I smirked, intercepting Cameron’s outright with one of my infamous heart melting smiles. She was pissed that I wasn’t at her side, smiling like a fucking porcelain doll while her and Ben played the media all the hopes of gaining promising promotions for her upcoming film. I was thankful for the decoy Willow provided and even happier that now I had an excuse to dismiss myself from the ridiculous charade I’ve been playing all afternoon with Cameron and these gotdamn cameras.

" Get your scrawny ass down her Timberfuck! It’s not like I wanna be holed up with a bunch of caffeine dependent asnine travelers all day!" She was charming, wasn’t she? I hung up the phone, not caring to listen to the dial tone that was sure to follow after her cutthroat words, and jumped out of my seat to jog over to Cameron. Placing my hand on the small of her back, I pressed my lips to her earlobes and hoped that this tactic would allow for an even enough transition into my request for departure. She didn’t squirm, didn’t sigh, and I don’t believe the woman even blinked upon me doing so. I hated to remember, but the image of Bryne quivering beneath me didn’t stop itself from invading my mind. I closed my eyes and swallowed hard before stepping back and pulling Cameron’s arm along with me. I don’t think she noticed, until we were safely out of the camera’s line of focus, that she was moving- which only proved to me further that my presence really wasn’t needed. She hadn’t said more than three words to me in the last hour, and they were the same three words she continued to repeat through gritted teeth. Baby..smile..now. I was fucking tired of smiling, and now I was more than ever ready to blow this gig and pick up Willow.

" Justin what are you doing?!" she hissed, her clear blue eyes lowering into slits as the corners of her mouth turned down. You would of thought I dropped my pants and mooned all of 5th Avenue the way she was glaring at me.

" I gotta go Cam..."

" NOW?" I hated when people did that. Like by asking questions, with exuberant feeling, they’d somehow sway you from doing what you previously said you’d do. Like take this instance for example, there was no hesitation on my part when I announced to her that I was leaving, so what on earth made her think that I’d be reconsidering once her eyes grew big and her mouth wrapped itself around the ridiculous word ‘NOW’. Yes right the fuck now! So I just stared at her, like I did most people when they tried that questioning bullshit with me. She finally took the hint, and rolled her eyes, dismissing me with a quick wave of her hand. I nodded over towards Lonnie who was seated on a bench not to far away, his eyes already trained on me. Even though he’s a big ass dude weighing in at 375lb and standing about as tall as a fucking light pole, he always managed to make himself scarce- yet I knew he was always on the lookout. As strange as it might sound, even though I don’t always see him there, I know he’s watching, and that is what I refer to as some good ass body guarding service. I never have to wander, I know my ass is protected.

" I thought I might have told you my flight was coming in tomorrow..." I grabbed her suitcase, before I grabbed her waist and pulled her into a tight hug. " I mean what’s it been two hours."

" Forty five minutes butthead." I saw the way she rolled her eyes, and new that even after 15 years, she still hated the nickname I adopted for her. I wish there was some elaborate story behind the name, that would give you insight on how awesomely deep our relationship really is, but there isn’t one and I pulled the name from my favorite show at the time. I tried to get her to call me beavis, but everytime I mentioned it she smacked me upside the head. She used to explain how you can’t just tell someone what you want to be called, adopting someone a nickname was a friend-given right, and should be used only at the discretion of that friend. In other words, it was some big sacred ordeal that really went beyond just picking any old name. It wasn’t until I discovered how strong her feelings were about innate things, that I realized there was more too my panty-wearing bestfriend than basketball, singing ,and cussing. She was actually an intellectual of sorts, which is why I wasn’t surprised when she had gotten accepted to Harvard. The chick had brains, she still had a sour mouth, but she was smart as hell.

" Oh gosh you must have been rolling under the sheets with Cameron!" She backed away from me, pinching the bridge of her nose as she frantically fanned me away. I laughed and ignored her sentiments, I was used to her sensitive nose. She always said you could tell a lot about a person by just sniffing them out, and she pretty much based her judgement on how well she thought a person smelled. I never asked why, I didn’t really care, it was one of those things that I never went into with her for fear of walking into one of her infamous hour long conversations about nothing. Either case, she hated the way Cameron smelled, hated the way Belinda smelled, and always encouraged me to use my senses to weed out the bullshit. She considered Cameron and Belinda to be bullshit, and while I do appreciate her words of advice- I’d rather not consider her a love doctor since afterall she’s fucking Trace on a regular basis. I’m not saying I love the way Cameron and Belinda smell..but I don’t hate it.

" More like walking down 5th Ave."

" She went outside smelling like a Horse’s balls?!" Her face was uncanny. Priceless even. She really looked like she just stuck her head in shit and pulled it out just in time to say so. I couldn’t help the laughter that spilled from my lips, I wasn’t in any way condoning her reference of my girlfriend’s scent to horse balls, but you do have to admit it was funny.

" It’s not that bad." I chuckled, opening the door to my car and watching as she scooted across the seat.

" But you DO admit it’s bad." I don’t particularly love the way Cameron, nor Belinda, smells but it’s not at all like Willow’s portraying it to be. I wonder how Willow would take to Bryne’s scent. Whenever I got around her, she smelled like....damn, I couldn’t tell you. It’s like this soft, subtle, sweet mixture of everything. Like the other night in the club, when we kissed, and I tasted her, she tasted like a bowl of fucking cherries but she smelled like ginger, or some type of wild flower. It was an amazing smell, just like her kiss was an amazing kiss, and I bet she felt like.... " Earth to Retard!"

"Damn..my bad." I sighed dropping into the seat next to her and shaking Bryne out of my thoughts. It was becoming increasingly hard to do so, and the fact that I haven’t seen or heard from her in a little over a week did nothing to aid the matter. Then with recent reports from Andy, I’ve learned that she’s becoming more and more adamant about not accepting anything from him on my behalf. I can’t say that I’m hurt, since it’s pretty much been her response thus far, but I am intrigued in the sudden adamant refusal. I wouldn’t kid myself, much less doubt myself by believing she was turned off by the kiss. Everything about the way she reacted, which in turn had me reacting, said otherwise. I’d been meaning to go by her office, surprise her myself and back her into a corner until she finally gave into me. I was willing to do that any day, but with Cameron breathing down my back and Belinda filling up my call list- I couldn’t find the time to do it. Now I’ve got my best friend in tow, and the likelihood of me stealing away and getting the time I need to get to Bryne was slim to none.

" What are you thinking about Toad?" And you see, that’s what Willow- the intellectual tyrant- came up with as a nickname for me. I once asked her what it meant, and she told me she’d tell me one day when I was ready to hear. I took it as she was faking the funk and pretending to have some intellectually stimulant answer, when really she probably just liked the way it rolled off her tongue. Some times she was brilliant, but anyone who is willing to put up with Trace has got to have their feebleminded moments too.

" I was just thinking what have I done to deserve this."

" What do you mean?"

" Why are you here?!" I whined and watched as the concerned look that graced her face washed away and was suddenly replaced with attitude.

" You nibble headed fuck."

" Surely that wasn’t scholarly." I teased and dodged her hand, before settling against the seat in a fit of laughter. Soon after she joined me and threw her arm behind my neck, pulling me into a brotherly hug.

" I figured you missed me." she sighed and I had to admit that I did. Living the life of a playboy is not all that it’s thought to be, and there are some nights I just want to be around someone and just be. I mean, no fucking, no arguing, hell I could even just sit in silence. That’s what I want, to be able to be with someone that I’m comfortable enough to just be in a room alone with and sit in silence. It’s like everyone always wants something from me, and if I could just have that one person that could have it- but could also have nothing and be just as content- there’s nothing I wouldn’t give that person. Sadly enough, Willow is the closest thing to that person in my life and as much as I cherish our friendship- I still feel like I’m missing out on so much more.

" I wouldn’t say all that.." I sighed, smiling playfully towards her. She rolled her eyes and settled back into her seat, with her feet tucked under her and her sloppy ponytail bouncing above her head.

" So why are you still with Cameron?"

" I hope you didn’t come all the way to New York to ask me that."

"No. I came to New York to get a cheap Kate Spade bag. While I’m here, I might as well ask what I want." I looked at her, thought about laughing, but knew that she was more than serious. The girl acts like two of the most important men in her life don’t have a big ass cash flow, like Trace and I can’t get her the whole fucking collection in the blink of an eye. She still gets off on street vending, which is why I repeatedly say, I love this girl.

" She’s my girlfriend."

" The draws you had on yesterday are still yours...but your not wearing them now."

" Or am I?" she frowned her nose, but ignored the comment nonetheless. Tugging on a loose strand that fell around her ear, she began looking out the window, humming softly to herself. I would have relaxed, but the sound of her humming and staring meant she was seriously thinking, which only meant one thing....the beginning of one inquisitive LONG ass conversation.

" You could do better Toad."

" Really? I think I’m doing pretty good."

" SO you’ve broken it off with Belinda have you?" I sighed deeply, I knew exactly where this conversation was headed. Down the street of right from wrong, good from bad, no Belinda or Cameron..but a real woman, who smelled good and had the power to stop my playboylistic ways. I like to refer to these conversations as The Trace and Willow Hour Sermon. They come about very often, more often in the last few weeks, and never falter in exhausting me.

" No..in fact, I’m gonna fuck her later on tonight." I wasn’t planning on it, but I might as well. I can’t get her to stop calling, I’m kind of bored with Cam, and fucking Bryne is robbing me off all logical thinking. If I get one out of me, maybe I’d return to normal. Maybe I wouldn’t be about to explode over a fucking kiss.

" So you still do that do you?" Willow’s response was dry, the look on her face even drier. It’s funny because I don’t tolerate these kind of conversations, only from her and Trace. My mother too, if she were to ever catch wind of the mess her son truly was, but as it stands now- just my two best friends. I even blow a fuse when Belinda starts in on it, and we’ve been dealing with each other for eight years. It’s not that I don’t understand that she needs more, it’s just that I understand I’m not the one that’ going to give it to her.

" Yeah, as often as I can."

" You’re a pig..I love you, but you are. Don’t you want something real?"

" I got something real..a real ass headache..so can you be the best friend that you are and lay off me." I smiled tightly, knowing that I can only talk this way with her, and she’s one of two people that can talk this way with me.

" One day Toad...one day it’s gonna hit you so fucking hard your gonna lose your fucking mind." she laughed, and I just shrugged. As long as I kept up my antics, I wouldn’t have to worry about that- and as far as I’m concerned that’s a chance I’m willing to take. I’d rather be in control, than lose control. Love was just something I’m not ready to do.