Chapter 7 b
The ice cubes knocked against the glass when I finally released it of my possession and swallowed the remaining drops of liquor it previously contained. I was on my third class of whatever brown colored liquor I found unopened in Miranda’s bar, and I was beginning to understand why it was public places never gave you tall drinking glasses whenever you requested your favorite liquor on the rocks. I peered down at my favorite cup and thought about how I used to drink root beer floats out of it. It was the classic Coca Cola cup, with its long windy shape, that I specifically bought for the purpose of indulging in my favorite spin of my favorite soft drink. Now I was sucking the life out of a lone ice cube, that was once coated with the numbing substance I couldn’t get enough of. My, how times have changed. I had been sitting here for well over an hour. In fact, it’s been an hour and twenty three minutes, and I don’t have to ask whose counting, because it’s almost a given that I always am. I’ve been sitting in this same position, with my foot tucked under me and my leg pressing up against me, rotating side to side on the bar stool in front of our kitchen island. I was a pathetic display of mess, as I still had yet to remove any item of my clothing and could still smell him all over me. Justin. Even after I rushed out of the club, hopped into the cab, stumbled into my apartment- all of which took a whopping seventeen minutes- I still couldn’t get away from him. Not fast enough, not at all. His presence still lingered, around me, all inside of me, and the damn fool only kissed me. And I kissed him back. Even with every reason not too staring me in my face, I kissed him wholeheartedly like my fucking life depended on it. Like it wasn’t enough seeing him with the two bimbos moments before, or even Belinda’s radical ass following me around all night to know that kissing him wasn’t a good idea by any means. What did that make me? Who did that make me, that I could do some slimy ass shit like that in the middle of my girlfriend’s club? I needed another drink. I predicted that I would after the first one, so the now almost half empty bottle was still within arm’s reach as I went to poor me another glass. Watching the liquid fill all the way to the top I commended myself on my logic in choosing the bottle. I had gone with the notion that Miranda would probably be pissed if I finished off one of her already opened bottle, because with my luck I would have surely chosen her favorite. By choosing an unopened bottle, I would be able to take my fill and still leave enough for her to enjoy. At least that was the idea, now it’s not looking like even half will be left to divulge in. I just needed to escape these thoughts, these thoughts that kept replaying over and over , forcing me to remember his lips and hands and scent. Fuck. Everything about him was so good..too good, and that was what made these fucking thoughts unbearable. The least he could have been was a bad kisser. But no, he was a remarkable kisser, his lips soft as a fucking petal and to make matters worse they tasted like a dream- a fucking dream. If your wondering what it means for someone’s kiss to taste like a dream..then count your blessings and go after him, Justin is the truth.
"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHH!" I had to yell, I know I’m alone and probably makes me even more insane, but something had to give! I left the club for a reason, in fact I left for many reasons. One having to do with the fact that I couldn’t stand to be around him, anywhere near him anymore. I’m not sure how much I would have been, considering Cameron had just popped onto the scene, but I wasn’t taking any chances. Which is why I didn’t even bother to seek Belinda out. I know shit was about to go down and I already had my share of it for the night. I didn’t need to be apart of anymore of the drama that is sure to be associated with Justin. Reasons like tonight is why I have such a strict ‘NO JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE’ policy in place, to prevent and/or stop any unnatural confrontations with the fucking imbecile. Tired of thinking I grabbed my glass and guzzled down its contents. Somewhere in between me gulping and slamming down the empty glass must have been when the door opened and closed. Either case, it would have to explain why Miranda was now standing in the entrance of the kitchen glaring at me in the disapproving way of hers. I close my eyes and drop my head back. I’m not even sure what she’s going to say, but if I just take a moment to reflect on all that she could say I know it’s going to be in the ball park of everything that I DON’T want to talk about.
" What happened to you?" I felt like all the liquor I consumed somehow traveled to the expanse of my head and now had me feeling like I carried a ton on my shoulders. I let out an exasperated sigh in response and opened my eyes to stare at the blank ceiling ahead of me. It’s safe to say I’m now fully intoxicated, but I’m sure intoxication wouldn’t buy me out of this conversation.
" So your drunk?" I still had yet to say a word, and when I lifted my head back into position, I saw Miranda grabbing the bottle and twisting the cap back on before placing it back on her bar cart. I wanted to protest, but it would only go unheard so I just watched as she moved across the kitchen. She looked tired, slightly upset and annoyed as she slammed two aspirins on the counter in front of me. I looked at her, noticed the weary lines around her eyes, then picked up the two pills to place them in my mouth. She handed me a glass of water and I watched her as I slowly swallowed what was in my mouth.
" I’m sorry." my voice was hoarse and full of remorse that I’m sure she didn’t even place. How could she? She didn’t even know all that transpired, but the guilt nestled deep within me. Forbading me to forget, willing me to even attempt to try. I closed my eyes, and there he was, his beautiful blue eyes looking down at me- his lips descending towards me.
" Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?" I opened my eyes quickly, not because of her inquiry, but more so because I couldn’t stand to see him in my thoughts and I didn’t want to see where they would lead . " Mamas?"
" Mimi..I’m sorry..just..." I couldn’t think of a word, well I could think of plenty, but none that I was willing to use at that moment. There was no way I was going to tell her that I was confused, uncertain, or any of the like. Afterall it was just a kiss. Just one, simple, forgettable, kiss. Right?
" I was worried." she was at my side, taking my head in her hands and placing a soft kiss against my forehead. I’m so wrong? Nothing about his kiss was forgettable, and yet I had to forget now, I just had to! Especially with the way Miranda’s lips are moving down my face, over the bridge of my nose, to the sides of my cheeks. And now, her familiar lips were on mine. Kissing me the way they always had, catching each breath I dared to take. I kept my eyes closed, wishing that my mind would follow suit. I was with Miranda, kissing Miranda, about to make love to Miranda. None of the above has anything to do with Justin, so why can’t I forget him.
" Don’t be." I assured watching as Miranda smoothed m hair behind my shoulders. I wish I was as sure of my answer as I was trying to be, in more sense than one. I began unbuttoning the silk blouse she wore, keeping my eyes with her. She was the love of my life, all I’ve ever known. There was no way one mistaken kiss was going to change that. It was a mistake, and accident, a horrible- ridiculous accident. I couldn’t question the love of my life over an accident. Miranda and I had more than that, so much more.
" I love you Mamas." I slid the material of her shirt passed her arms until it dropped to the floor and reached behind her to unbutton her red lace bra. I paused, leaning closer to her so that my words would not only be heard but felt. She had to know, I had to tell her. She was my everything, my world, my love. Kissing her softly, I unclasped her bra and whispered my words of love against her lips. As if that was all she needed to move forward, I felt her raise my arms so that she could remove my shirt then bra, and exhaled when she pressed her body against mine. The familiar touch I had known, the only touch I had known, the only one I needed.
"I love you Mimi." I pulled away from her, looking her in the eye as I said the words. For a moment she just looked at me, her expression unreadable as she just stared at me. I waited, my heart beating with every passing moment, and hoped that when I closed my eyes I no longer saw him. Finally she kissed me, passionately and fiercely, the softness of her skin molding itself to mine. I closed my eyes, hoping that his face no longer lingered. I was wrong, I was so wrong. There he was, like he’d never leave, like I’d never forget. But I had to, I just had to. " Take me to bed Mimi..." I whispered, opening my eyes, forcing him out...out of my thoughts.
