Chapter 38

No One Else

Lay down those heavy burdens
on the banks of this river deep
know that every piece of your past
is always some place safe with me
and there's no room for judgment
I want you as yourself
because I belong with you
and no one else…


May 2011

Nicole looked up from her student tests all over the kitchen table when she heard the doorbell ring. She had been grading papers for the past two and half hours. She blindly reached out for her phone next to her and checked the time. She wrinkled her nose when she saw that they were on time. She must have lost track of time, she sighed and got up from the chair to open the door. She frowned to herself when she heard the doorbell ring again....and again...and again. She rolled her eyes, as her hand reached out for the door knob. There were only two people in the entire world that would do that. Trace and Justin; they knew exactly what to do to annoy her. "Really?" she exclaimed, as she swung the door open. "How old are you again?" she snapped as she came face to face with a grinning Justin.

"Thirty." Justin answered without missing a beat. "But don't tell anyone." he added with a wiggle of his bushy eyebrows.

"They wouldn’t believe me anyway." Nicole said dryly, and stepped aside to let him in. Justin gave her a wrinkle of his nose, but stepped inside. She looked out the door then looked over her shoulder at him in confusion. "Where's your accomplice and Sam?"

"They're not coming." Justin said. "Trace called me before I left the house, I guess they did some baby furniture shopping earlier today and it wore Sam out."

Nicole gave him a worried look. "Is she okay? The baby-"

He leaned against the back of the couch to look at her, and shook his head. "They’re fine." Justin said quickly. "She just seems to get tired a bit more easily now and days.”

“Since when did you become such an expert in pregnancies?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

Justin sighed. “Since Trace won’t shut up about it.”

Nicole giggled, and shut the door behind her. “He’s excited.” she defended. She still could not believe Trace was going to be dad in less than 6 months. When he had started dating Samantha, almost 2 years ago, Nicole never expected this to happen, but she could not be any happier for him. He finally seemed to be in a place where he was truly content and happy with his life-and that’s all Nicole cared about.

“I know.” He shook his head. “I still can’t believe he’s going to be dad. Never thought the day would come…” he trailed off with a light smile.

Nicole nodded in agreement. "If he’s happy than that’s all that matters." She walked back toward the dinner table. She frowned to herself when she saw the mess of papers splattered all over her dinner table. "I really don’t feel like cleaning any of this up right now..." she mumbled.

Justin chuckled, as he sat down across from the mess. "You would think the mess would be less now that you’re a teacher." he teased lightly.

"You would think." she agreed, and sat back down in front of the ungraded test. It had been a year since she had graduated, and thankfully it had only taken about 6 months for her to find a teaching job. It wasn't necessarily the dream job she had wanted right after graduating-it wasn't in the district she wanted, but Nicole knew she had to be patient and just had to continue looking for the right school. She had learned a lot in the past 7 months, and she was grateful for the experience. For the first time in a long time, she finally felt as if her career was taking off. She was doing what she had always wanted, what she had worked so hard for, and she wasn’t going to let it go...but she was ready for a break, there were only 3 more weeks left of school.

Justin must’ve read her mind. “You’re ready for summer aren’t you?” he asked with a knowing look.

She gave him a sheepish smile. “Yes.” But then added quickly. “Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed the past few months, and I have learned so much from the teachers around me-I’m just ready for a break from planning and grading…”she trailed off.

He gave a slight shake of his head. “There is nothing wrong with that.” He tapped his fingers lightly on the table. “I’m just glad you’re finally doing what you’ve always wanted to do.” he said with a smile.

Nicole smiled back, as she leaned back against the table bench. “Yeah, me too.” She reached out for the phone again. “Are we picking up Rachael?” she asked.

Rachael along with Nicole, Justin, Samantha, and Trace had made plans to have an early dinner that night-nothing fancy, just dinner to catch up-Justin had actually been the one who suggested it. Well-now dinner was for three instead of five…

“I thought she was meeting us here?” Justin said.

Nicole wrinkled her nose. “Oh…if that’s the case-she’s usually on time.” And at the same time glanced down at her phone and frowned. “Well, we don’t have to pick her up…”

Justin frowned. “She isn’t coming?”

“She still stuck in San Francisco.” She snorted as she scrolled down the text. “She says you owe her for this.”

Justin’s jaw dropped. “What? How the hell she figured that?”

Nicole continued to read. “She says there was a mistake with one of the sponsors for the clothing line, and if she doesn’t stay- then you might lose them.”

“Oh.” he said. Then added jokingly. “Well, that is what she gets paid to do.”

Nicole narrowed her eyes at him. “Would you like for me to text that to her?” She asked in a mocked serious tone. He glared over at her. Nicole blinked innocently at him. They both knew that if she would to send Rachael that text, she would have Justin’s head for breakfast. “What?” and placed the phone back on the table.

“You’re fucking hilarious.” he said dryly.

“Thanks.” she answered with an innocent smile.

“So much for dinner.” Justin mumbled. Nicole watched as he licked his lips, and she felt that familiar flutter in the pit of her stomach. No matter how much she tried to push it away, that flutter was always going to be there. It was just something that she’d lived with. There was no explaining –it just was.

“I am still hungry.”

Nicole resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “When are you not hungry Timberlake?”

He nodded in agreement. “True.” he rubbed the top of his head absently. “What about you?”

She raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“Are you hungry?” he asked and shifted slightly in his chair. “We can still go if you want?”

Nicole pressed her lips in hesitation. It was one thing for a group of them to go out and have dinner, but it was something completely different for the both of them to go-especially on a Friday night, in LA. Justin couldn’t even go to a gas station without being followed or photographed, she could only imagine what it would be like if he was seen out with a woman. Yes, technically he was single again, but Nicole knew how much he cherished his privacy.

He must have realized that because he quickly added. “Or order in?”

And that idea made her more nervous. The idea of them being alone. It had been over a year since they had crossed that invisible line they swore they never cross. A year since their little make-out session out at the lake in Memphis. They had somehow managed to let it go and put it behind them. They had come up with an unspoken decision to leave it at the lake, and focus on their significant others. But right at that moment-neither one had one of those. Justin and Jessica had broken things off in March, and Nicole and Chase had decided to take a break three weeks ago. The only difference was- everyone knew about Justin and Jessica-no one knew about Chase and herself. Not even Justin.

“Nic?”

Nicole looked up at him. “Yeah?”

“Order in?” he repeated.

Maybe she was making into a bigger deal than what it really was. They really had not spent any time together. He had been so busy promoting his latest films, and she had been adjusting to her new teaching shoes that they really had not gotten a chance to just hang out-just the two of them. Their friendship had finally gotten back on track after their little detour last year. “Okay.” she said with a light grin. “How about a movie?” she suggested.

Justin raised an eyebrow. “Who gets to pick the movie?”

Nicole narrowed her eyes over at him. “Do I get to pick the food?”

“No Thai.” he stated without missing a beat.

“No subtitles.” Nicole quickly retorted back.

“What’s wrong with subtitles?!” Justin exclaimed.

She shook her head. “If I can’t get Thai-then you aren’t getting subtitles.” she said-as if it was clear as day.

“You’re a pain you know that?” he said in teasing tone, as he reached out for his smart phone in his jean front pocket.

Nicole grinned widely. “I know!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An hour later, the large pizza they had ordered had arrived (they had argued for 15 minutes on the food they should get) Justin placed the bottle of wine on the kitchen counter. "Nicky?" he called

"Yeah?" she called back from down the hall. She had gone into her bedroom to change into a pair of sweat pants since they decided to stay in.

He glanced around the kitchen counter, and then opened the drawer next to him. "Wine opener?" he called out after he rummaged through it and didn't see it.

"Second drawer by the sink!" she answered. "I think." she added.

He chuckled lightly as he took a step toward the sink and opened the drawer she suggested. He frowned to himself when he realized it wasn't in that drawer either. He shut it, and began to search through a few of the other drawers. How hard was it to find a damn wine opener? He made his way back to the other end of the counter and began to search in those drawers as well, he stopped mid way through one drawer when his eyes caught Nicole's name on an open letter, it laid in between a magazine and bills and Nicole's car keys. It wasn't Nicole's name that had caught his attention; it was the words after her name.

"Did you find it?"

Justin turned his head to the sound of her voice. "What?" She stood a few feet away, in a pair of gray sweats, tank top, her hair pulled back, no make-up- she looked beautiful as ever. His stomach tighten nervously at the sight of her. Even after all this time, she still managed to stir a feeling of nervousness without even trying.

"The wine opener?" she asked and gave him a curious look.

He turned fully around and faced her, he leaned back against the counter. “Nope.” he answered.

Nicole wrinkled her nose at him, and walked past him toward the drawer she had told to look in. Justin rolled his eyes, of course she had to go and double check. She opened the same drawer he had opened. He heard her murmur. “It should be in here.” Her back now to him. Justin watched her for a few moments, and cleared his throat as she turned around with the wine opener in hand and exclaimed. “Found it!” a satisfied smile on her face.

At the same time he asked. “What’s Transition Abroad?”

Her smile faded slightly at his question. “What?”

Justin tried his best to hide his smile, as he took a step in her direction. “Transition Abroad.” he repeated and took the wine opener out of her hand, and then reached out for the bottle of wine.

“How do you know about that?” she asked in a cautious tone.

Justin gave a short nod toward the counter a few feet away. “Saw it on that letter with your name.” he answered innocently.

Nicole glared over at him. “You’re so nosy Timberlake.”

He uncorked the bottle and placed the wine opener on the counter before he glared back. “If you don’t want people in your business then don’t leave shit like that laying around.”

“It’s my house!” she exclaimed, as she reached up and opened the cupboard above her to take out two wine glasses. “You just have to snoop.” she accused and took the bottle from him. She poured wine into each glass. “There should be clean plates in the dishwasher.” she informed him.

Justin opened the dishwasher a few feet away. “So what exactly is it?” he pushed, as he set two clean dishes on the counter.

“What?”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “What is Transition Abroad?” Justin knew she was trying to avoid the question. He had a feeling of what it intended, but he wanted her to confirm it.

Nicole let out a sigh. “Why does it matter?” she asked him with a small frown.

Justin frowned back. “It matters to you- if it’s sitting there.” he answered.

She gave him a look, but didn’t say a word as she grabbed a plate and a glass of wine and walked toward the living room. He followed, and heard her murmur. “You already know what it is Justin.” and sat herself down on the couch, the flat screen television a few feet away.

“No, I don’t.” Justin answered, and sat down as well. “This is why I’m asking.” He opened the lid on the box of pizza and took a slice out and placed it on Nicole’s plate.

“Thanks.” she said, and took a bite.

He gave her a small smile, before he placed a slice on his own plate. He closed the pizza box, and took a bite of his own slice. They ate in silence for a few moments. He glanced over at her from the corner of his eye. He sensed something was wrong, he couldn’t pin point exactly what it was. But it obviously had to do with that letter.

“Just ask it.” Nicole stated with a sigh, and placed her half eaten pizza back on her plate, and sat it down on the coffee table in front of them.

Justin blinked in surprise. It still amazed him how in tune they were sometimes with each other. “Are you going to do it?” he asked.

Nicole raised an eyebrow at him. “I thought you didn’t know what it was?” she asked with a small smile.

“Call it a gut feeling.” he answered and placed his empty plate on the coffee table.

“Okay…” Nicole started. “So what is your gut telling you that it is?”

He leaned back against the couch’s arm. “That it’s a teaching abroad program.” Justin said. Nicole took a drink of her glass of wine, but didn’t say a word. He continued. “Correct me if I’m wrong-but isn’t that something that you’ve had on your to-do list?”

“Yeah, so?”

“So according to what I was able to read-“he started with a sheepish grin. “You have until the beginning of August to send in the final paperwork. And anyone else might wait until the last minute to do that-but not you.” he said. “Which means you’re not sure about it.” Nicole only wrinkled her nose. “Why?” Justin pressed.

Nicole licked her lips nervously. “It’s not something I can just jump into. I mean I would have to be gone for 12 months…” she trailed off.

Justin gave her a weary look. “C’mon Nicole. This is me-what’s really holding you back from sending in your paperwork?” he asked. “Because we both know 12 months would be nothing for you. You have been wanting to do this for awhile now.” Once again, she didn’t respond. They were quiet for a few moments until Justin asked. “Is it Susan?” referring to Nicole’s mom.

She gave him a confused look for a split second, then shook her head. “No. She is more than okay with this. She always has been.” She placed the wine glass on the coffee table. Justin watched her break her gaze from him, and look out into the big bay windows with the view of the Pacific Ocean. He knew she was trying to collect her thoughts. “I’ve looked at 3 different areas.” She finally said after a few moments and looked back at him. Justin gave her a nod that told her to continue. “South America, maybe Europe…and I’ve looked at Asia.”

“And..?” Justin pushed, his instinct told him, and she had somewhere else in mind.

“That’s 3.”

Justin shook his head. “Yeah, I know it’s 3.” he said with a knowing smile. “But my gut is telling me there is somewhere else you’ve look at.”

“Some areas in Africa.” she murmured.

He blinked in surprise. “I didn’t know that area interested you.” was all he said.

Nicole shrugged. “I didn’t think so either, until I started doing some research on it.” she admitted. “I’ve never done this before, so I know I would have to pick a location where I could really end up staying for 12 months.” She said. “I can’t just decide half way through the job that I don’t like it. I want to fully commit to this.”

Justin tilted his head a little bit and raised an eyebrow. “It seems that you are willing to commit to it.” He observed. “So what’s the problem?” he asked her once again.

Nicole chewed on her lower lip and met his gaze. “What do you think about it?” she asked, ignoring his question about what the problem was.

He wrinkled his nose. “About you going?” It wasn’t as if this was the first time, Nicole had asked his opinion. But it was the first time Justin felt there was something else she was looking for with his answer. He kept his gaze on her. “I want you to be happy Nic.” he said truthfully. “And from the way you’re talking about it-you want this-but something is holding you back.” He watched her reach back out for her glass of wine, and brought it back to her lips. She continued to look at him, and Justin realized that she still wanted to hear what he thought about all of this. He sucked in a large breath, and said. “Twelve months is a long time, and I’ll miss you.” he gave a small smile. His stomach tighten at the idea of not being able to talk or see her everyday for a whole year. “But I also know that this something that you’ll regret if you don’t do it.” he finished honestly.

“So you think I should do it?” she asked, as she circled the rim of the glass nervously with her thumb.

“What happen?” Justin asked again. “Not that I’m not flattered that you want my opinion.” he joked lightly. She wrinkled her nose in annoyance, but didn’t say a word. “I mean yeah, I’ll worry a little bit.” Justin said in a serious tone. “But I also understand that this is important to you.”

“Yeah?” she murmured.

He gave a curious look. “Yes.” he said sincerely. “I would never try and tell you not to do it. What kind of friend would I be?”

She gave him a grateful smile. “Thanks-for saying that.” Her smile faded, and after a few moments of silence she started slowly. “You know, Chase doesn’t think it’s a good idea...”

Something in Justin’s brain clicked. That’s why she hadn’t finalized anything yet. That’s why she being so hesitant with all of this. “You mean he doesn’t want you to go?” he asked. She only nodded. Justin wrinkled his nose. “Did you explain to him how important this is to you?”

“Yeah, more than once.” she murmured bitterly. “But he doesn’t seem to get it.”

Justin gave her a small nod, to show that he was still listening. “Is the idea of you being gone for a year, or the idea of you going to a foreign continent that bothers him?” he asked wearily.

Nicole let her head drop back against the plush pillows. “Both.” she said as she turned her head in his direction. “He felt that it would be dangerous for me to go out there by myself.” She wrinkled her nose. “And he thinks a year is too long.” Justin didn’t say anything for a few moments, instead he opened the box of pizza and took another slice out. He took a large bite, and only gave her a long look. If there was one thing Nicole hated in the world-was being told what she could and could not do. And from what she was sharing about Chase-he either gotten amnesia for the first time in the past 2 years since he had known her or he was just stupid. Nicole frowned. “What’s the look for?”

Justin swallowed the piece of pizza, and shook his head. “Nothing.” he started. “I just never thought the day would come where you would conform to what someone else wants you to do.” he finished honestly as he took another bite.

“Who says I have?” she shot back. He stopped midway through his chewing at her words and only continued to stare. She looked as if she was debating with herself about what to say next. Justin wasn’t sure if he should push the subject. She lifted her head back up the plush pillow, and finally spoke up again. “We’ve been fighting…” she took paused for a split second then added. “A lot.” She licked her lips nervously. “Which is why we decided to…take a step back…to take some time apart.”

Justin almost choked on the piece of pizza in his mouth at her words. He had not been expecting that. He quickly regained his composure as he repeated. “Time apart?” And pretended that his heart did not just skip a beat at what her words could possibly intend. Because regardless of everything, deep down-he always held a tiny bit of hope when it came to his relationship with her-even if he knew in reality it would never amount to anything-it was twisted, really. He swallowed the last piece of pizza in his mouth, and then asked. “And this is because he doesn’t agree with the idea of you being gone?”

Nicole shook her head. “That’s part of it. We’ve haven’t been on the same page for awhile now. And when I had mentioned it a few times, a couple of months ago, he brushed it off. I guess he thought I wasn’t serious about it.” she said.

Justin couldn’t help but snort.

“Justin-“ she said in a warning tone.

He shook his head and brought his hands up in defense. “What? Look, I’m sorry. But I don’t understand why he would think this was not something serious for you?” As much as he hated the idea of not being able to see or talk to Nicole on a daily bases for a whole year, he would never try to intentionally keep her from doing what she has always wanted to do. She had been wanting to go and teach abroad for years now-and if that would make her happy-then that’s all he cared about. “If he doesn’t seem to understand that-then maybe he doesn’t understand you.” he murmured without really thinking.

“That’s not really fair.” Nicole defended. “He hasn’t known me all my life Justin.” she whispered. “How could he possibly know-?”

Justin locked his blue orbs with her brown ones. “Because you told him it was Nicole.” He interrupted. “That should have been enough.” He watched her suck in a shaky breath at his words, and look away from him. He kept his gaze on the side of her face, his heart unable to beat a little bit faster at this recent development. They sat in silence once again. Finally he spoke up when he realized a fact from all of this. “You still went ahead and did it.” he told her.

Nicole looked back at him. “What?” she asked with a wrinkle of her nose.

“You knew how he felt about it-but you still did it.”

She shrugged. “I sent in the application, but I didn’t think anything would come out of it...” she trailed off. “I thought it was a long shot since I don’t really have enough experience.” She paused. “But I guess I was wrong on that front.”

“And- this is you.” He added with a smirk.

Nicole couldn’t help but smirk back. “Well, yeah.” she agreed.

“ I retract my previous comment about you conforming to what someone else wants you to do.” Her heard her laugh lightly for a split second, but it quickly left, as a small frown formed on her lips instead. “Nicole?” he asked.

She sighed. “He made it sound as if I did this-then it meant I cared for him less. Because I’m willing to be gone for a whole year without him…” she met Justin’s gaze again. “We’ve been together for almost two years, how can he possibly think that?” she murmured more to herself.

“Do you want to do this?” Justin asked.

She met his gaze again and sucked in a large breath. “Yes.” she answered. “When I got that letter-then that’s when I realized that I truly do.”

He sighed before he said. “If this is what you feel like you need to do right now, then you should do it.” He paused. “You know, you could always try talking to him again?” he suggested. Nicole blinked in surprise. Justin smirked despite himself, she had not been expecting those words from him.

She bit on her lower lip. “We haven’t really talked since he left for Chicago to work on that case.” she confessed.

Justin wrinkled his nose. “Wait-“ he started. “Wasn’t that like 3 weeks ago?” he asked. Nicole only gave him a small nod and Justin raised an eyebrow at her in accusation.

“It’s not something I necessarily wanted to parade around!” she exclaimed in defense.

He couldn’t help but feel a bit annoyed at the fact that she had not shared this information sooner. It wasn’t as if she owed him anything, but it would have been nice to be in the loop of things. Especially when it included Nicole. He wasn’t sure what any of this meant now. Did it mean anything? Or did he want it to mean something? Because for the first time in over 4 years, both of them were technically single.

“You’re the first person I’ve told.” she said, breaking him out of his thoughts. Justin only gave her a dubious look. Nicole frowned back. “I thought you of all people would understand.”

Justin rubbed the back of his neck with one hand and sighed. “I do get it.” He knew how hard it was to try and keep a relationship private-and how much harder it was to try and keep any issues or problems from others private. But it still didn’t make it any better that he hadn’t known about this sooner. In a way, he felt as if she had kept this from him on purpose.

She placed the glass of wine back on the coffee table and met his gaze again. “It wasn’t as if we planned it…” she trailed off for a second. “It just felt as if we had somehow come to a stop sign and-and-“

“You had no idea if you should continue.” Justin supplied with a knowing look.

“Yeah.” she whispered. “Exactly.”

In a way-it was how he had felt a few months ago with his relationship with Jessica. It was as if they had somehow stopped moving forward. And as much as they tried to pretend that things were just fine between them-it was obvious that things weren’t and they decided that the best thing to do was go their separate ways. Had it been a permanent decision? Justin was still not completely sure. In fact-he still felt a bit confused about the situation. Jessica was an important part of his life and at times it felt as if they had made the wrong decision. He glanced back up at Nicole- and felt his heart race faster than it had in a long time and that only added to his confusion. “So what does that mean?” he couldn’t help but ask, even though he somehow already knew the answer.

She gave a small shrug and answered honestly. “I don’t know.”

Justin nodded. “Yeah, I get that too.” he said with a small smile.

Nicole smiled back, and reached for the television control next to her. “You know what? Let’s just not talk about this anymore.” she suggested and turned on the TV. “I don’t need to mope about it right now. You don’t need to be bored by hearing it.” she murmured.

He narrowed his eyes over at her. “Hey-if you need to talk about it-I don’t mind listening.” He licked his lips nervously. “You know that right?”

She reached out and touched his thigh for a second. “I know that J.” she awkwardly moved her hand away from him. “I just rather not talk about it right now.” she said and then gave him another smile. “I rather watch a movie.”

He realized that he couldn’t push her to talk about it if she did not want to, so he reached out for another slice of pizza. Justin smiled despite himself and said. “Okay. What are we watching?” he asked instead, as he made himself more comfortable against the couch and watched her scroll down the Netflix screen.

Nicole grinned. “Anything that doesn’t have subtitles.” she reminded.

~~~

And almost two hours, and a bottle and half of red wine later, they sat next to each other and watched the final credits of a foreign film with subtitles. Nicole took the last sip of her wine and said. “Okay, I have to admit that was pretty good.”

Justin rolled his eyes as he got up from the couch, and grabbed the empty bottle from the coffee table. “Of course it was good-I picked it out.” He joked and picked up their empty plates as well, and walked into the kitchen. He heard her snort, and he couldn’t help but smile. He placed the dirty plates in the sink, and threw the bottle into the trash and walked back toward the living room. He chortled a laugh when his eyes landed on Nicole-who laid flat on her stomach on the same couch they both had been sitting at, she had one cheek pressed against a plush pillow, her eyelids shut. “Don’t tell me you’re drunk.” Justin joked as he tried his best to ignore the growing butterflies in his stomach at how stunning she looked at the moment.

“No. I’m not drunk.” she murmured, her eyes still shut. “I’m just resting my eyes.”

Justin chuckled as made his way to the end of the couch where her feet laid at. He lifted them high up enough to sit himself back down and teased. “If you say so drunkie.” He couldn’t help but let his eyes linger up and down her ass. He bit on his lower lip and hesitantly glanced away.

She shifted a bit from her position but did not turn around. She groaned into the pillow and reminded. “We did have almost two bottles of wine Justin.”

He chuckled again. “So you are admitting you’re drunk?” Although he himself was feeling pretty damn good. His eyes lingered back down to her curves. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. If he wasn’t careful, this whole night could end up being something they could regret later, especially when there was alcohol involved.

“I’m not drunk.” she repeated and turned fully around that time. She now laid on her back, her long legs outstretched onto his lap, her arms rested on her stomach. “But it has been awhile since I’ve had that amount of wine.” she confessed with a hazy smile.

Justin snorted back his laughter, and as his hand absently rested on her legs. “You’ve always been a lightweight Nic.” And that’s when it hit him-the idea of just sitting around, eating, talking or even watching a movie with her, felt normal, right. He hadn’t felt that way in a few months now. He couldn’t explain it-but he had been feeling a bit uneasy lately. Yet for the first time in months-that feeling had left him-if only temporary- while being there with Nicole.

“Whatever Timberlake.” Nicole mumbled, her eyes still shut. “Are you telling me you’re perfectly sober right now?” she accused.

“I never said that.” Justin said with a light giggle. She finally opened her eyes, and Justin felt as if his breathing had stopped as his eyes met hers. Fuck, why did he think he was over this again? Just when it felt that things were fine just the way they were- moments like these would occur. He didn’t understand it. He watched as her arm lazily tried to reach for the television control on the table. “Seriously Nicole?” he asked in amusement, as her fingers gripped the end of the control.

She pouted up at him. “Don’t judge me.” was all she said and began to point the control in the direction of the television.

He laughed again, and gave one of her ankles a light squeeze. For the next few moments neither one said a word as Nicole channel surfed, with her legs still prompted on his thighs, Justin’s fingers gently stroked them absently. “Will you just stick with one channel?” Justin finally said after 15 minutes.

Nicole glared over at him, and then went back to channel surfing. Justin only smiled, and watched her for a few seconds, again enjoying the moment for what it was. He was about to make another remark when he heard her speak up. “We’ll just stick with this channel.” she said a mocking tone.

Justin blinked out if his thoughts and looked up at the television, it took him a few seconds before recognition hit him. It was his turn to glare down at her, she met his glare with a huge smile. “Change it.” he ordered as the familiar lyrics of a famous old teen pop song hit his ears. “Nicole.” he warned. It wasn’t as if he was embarrassed by what he had achieved with the group-it was more embarrassment of some of the clothes he once used to wear. It was like looking at old high school pictures and cringing.

She giggled then became serious quickly. “What? You asked me to leave it on a channel.” she reminded and looked back at the television. “I thought MTV stopped playing music videos?” she mused.

“Nicole-“

He heard her giggle again. “Aww c’mon J, you were so tiny and cute!”

“You’re hilarious.” Justin snapped, as he tried to grab the control out of her hand. She was quick and moved it out of his reach. He glared again, as he extended his arm to try and snatch it out of her hands. She only giggled louder and moved her arms up and over her head-the control further from his reach. He scowled. “Give me the control Nicole.” he ordered.

She stopped giggling long enough to give him a serious mocking look. “What for?” she asked and glanced back over at the television screen. “How old were you there again? I forgot, fifteen? Sixteen-?” Justin didn’t answer, instead he pushed her legs off (gently but quickly) and pounced on top of her, he now straddled her body. She was sandwiched between the cushions beneath her, and Justin above her. He held her thighs between his legs, as he reached out once more for the control. She yelped in surprise. “Justin!”

He smirked down at her. “What!?” he asked the same mock tone she had used a few moments before. She shifted beneath him and wrinkled her nose up at him. He nodded toward the control still in her hand, up and over her head. “Give it.” he ordered again. But felt himself come alive at being in such close proximity to her.

“Didn’t your Momma teach you manners?” she asked innocently.

“Give it…please.” he retorted, as he grabbed a hold of her arm, and tried to tug it toward him. She resisted, but at the end he was much stronger. He finally pulled her arm down and tried to pry the control out of her death grip. “You are such a pain in the ass!” he exclaimed, but couldn’t help but laugh at the situation as he finally managed to separate the control from her hand. Once he had it in his own hand, he heard Nicole laugh too as she tried to reach for it again- he pushed the “OFF” button and tossed it gently onto the coffee table. He looked down at her with a triumph smile.

Her laughter faded as she glared up at him playfully. “I can’t believe you just fought me over a damn control.”

He rolled his eyes then exclaimed. “Me?! You were the one that wouldn’t let it go.”

Nicole blinked up at him with an innocent smile. “I just wanted to watch some music videos.”

He raised an eyebrow, but without thinking, he leaned in, and felt his heart race a little faster at how close they were at the moment. He swallowed the lump in his throat, as his eyes took in her pretty face. Damn, he knew he should pull away, but his heart seemed to have a mind of it’s own. He sucked in a large breath as he locked his gaze on her. He knew she was feeling a bit tipsy from the wine, but the look in her eyes told him that she felt the mood in the room quickly shift and that’s when Justin realized why she hadn’t mentioned her break-up with Chase before tonight. Because Nicole knew something like this could-no…would happen…because it was like a light switch when it came to them. She licked her lower lip nervously and only continued to stare. He couldn’t help but give her a small smile, as his knuckles briefly stroked one side of her cheek. This was crazy…right?

“Justin…” he heard her whisper-almost like a warning.

“Yeah Nicole?” he answered in a light teasing tone.

“We-“

Justin interrupted and finished for her. “Shouldn’t? Because we both have significant others?” he asked. He looked down at her with gleaming eyes. “Wait-neither one of us have those right now remember?” His heart suddenly filled with hope as he said these words out loud.

Nicole sighed. “But-“ He closed in on her, his nose inches from hers, his mouth a hairbreadth away. Her eyes flutter open then shut as she murmured. “This is why I hadn’t mentioned-“

“I know.” Justin said before she finished her sentence.

She opened her eyes once again, a small smile tugged on her lips. “You know sometimes it still amazes me how you know exactly what I’m going to say without me having to say it.”

“Kind of annoying?” he asked mockingly with a half frown.

She gave a small nod. “Yeah.” then asked in the same mocking tone. “Is it the same for you?”

“Pretty much.” Justin concluded with a hint of humor in his eyes. He heard her light laughter echo softly through the room, and he couldn’t help but lean in close again. The urge to feel her soft lips on his hit the pit of his stomach as he pressed his forehead against hers. “This is not how I thought the evening would go…” he confessed. He heard her take in a shaky breath. “The idea of wanting to kiss you is always there-in the back of my mind-but after your curveball earlier-that idea was put into overdrive.” He paused before he lifted his forehead away from hers, and locked his gaze back on her face. “And through out the movie-that’s all I kept thinking about.” He raised his head a little more, closed his eyes and placed a kiss on top of her forehead. He heard her breath hitch at the simple touch.

“Justin…” she repeated in low whisper.

He moved his lips from her skin, and glanced once more down at her. “But I also know how you must be feeling right now.” he said in a low voice. He slid off her and shifted a little to get more comfortable-so that he laid on his back. He felt Nicole shift as well, just enough for one of her legs to sling over the top of his, and felt one arm rest loosely around his waist, while her other hand covered his left peck, and her cheek now rested against his other peck. Justin couldn’t help but feel a tug on his heart, at how comfortable this felt. He had forgotten how much he missed just having her in his arms. He had forgotten how alive she could make him feel. How content he could feel about life when he was with her. He licked his lips, and lightly rested his chin on top of her head.

“So you aren’t going to try?” she asked humorously into his chest.

Justin closed his eyes, but felt a small smile tug on his lips at her words. He rubbed her arm, and murmured into her hair. “Do you want me to?”

She didn’t answer right away, instead Justin felt her fingertips rub small imaginary circles on his left peck. Finally she spoke up. “You know the answer to that...”

“Do I?” he asked.

Nicole lifted her head high enough to meet his gaze. “You weren’t the only one thinking about it during the movie.” she confessed. Justin’s smile only grew wider. “I wasn’t trying to keep it a secret on purpose.” He brought one hand up, and cupped her cheek softly. “I just need to try and sort out my feelings…” she trailed off.

“ Nic-I know.” Justin said. “And I don’t want to complicate it more for you. Believe me, I understand.”

She gave him a small smile. “Yeah?”

Justin smiled back. “Yeah.” he paused for a brief moment then continued. “But it still doesn’t change the fact that I want to.” His thumb outline her bottom lip and a light moaned escaped her.

“I want to too.” She closed her eyes and tried to take a deep breath at his touch. “But what do we do for now?” she managed to ask and opened her eyelids back up.

“For now,” Justin started as he slid one arm around her waist. “You just let me hold you like this.” he whispered and gave her waist a light squeeze.

“For how long?”

His felt his heartbeat pick-up as his eyes landed back on her face. “For the night Nicole.”

So here we are now
Ain't it lucky we survived it all
Searching for self in seperate rivers,
Only to end up in the same waterfall
and when we're gray and wiser
story I will tell is that I belong with you
and no one…