Chapter 37

Heartbreak Warfare

Clouds of sulfur in the air
Bombs are falling everywhere
It's heartbreak warfare…


January 2003

“Rach?” Nicole called out from down the hall, when the guest house’s back door open and then closed. “The black heels with the little rhinestones will probably look better with this dress.” Justin smiled to himself as he made his way down the hall, toward the voice. “Rach!” he heard her call again impatiently when there was no answer.

Justin stepped into the open bedroom where Nicole had been staying for the past couple of days until her new place finished getting painted. He glanced around, the television was turned on to MTV-he blinked in surprise for a second when he realized music videos were being aired- he glanced around once again expecting to see Nicole, but the room was empty. He assumed, she was in the bathroom. He wrinkled his nose in curiosity when he caught sight the mess on her bed.

He thought it looked like her clothes, Justin took a step closer, but before he got a good look, he heard her voice again and turned around to face her. “I still can’t believe I agreed to this-” she came to an abrupt stop and her eyes grew wide when she saw him standing there.

Justin felt the familiar stir in the pit of his stomach as his eyes looked her up and down. She stood a few feet away, in a short cotton white robe. He knew she was minutes out of a shower, her dark auburn hair was still damp, and it clanged to her head and neck, little wisps of hair trailed down her cheeks. A heavy smell of peach and mint clogged his nostrils. He swallowed, and cursed under his breath. How the fuck was she able to stir such a reaction out of him without even touching?

“I thought you were Rachael.” She yanked tighter on her robe.

He gave her long legs one last look, before he locked eyes with her. “No, not her.” he answered as he tried his best to keep his eyes on her face and not let them roam back to her legs. The sudden urge to reach out and kiss her, hit him straight in the stomach. He hadn’t realized how much he had actually missed her until now. They had talked a few times on the phone, but the past few weeks had been so busy with all the continuous promotion for the album that he really had not had any time for himself, let alone think about anything that wasn’t work related. In the past month he had been LA for a total of 4 days, and they had been spread out and he had seen her only once-and it had been with other people around. She tugged on the robe once again, and he caught a glimpse of pale flesh. He knew there wasn’t anything else underneath that robe. How many weeks had it been since he had seen her naked? Three? Four weeks?

He couldn’t help but think of sex when she stood there still wet from her shower. He gave a slight shake of his head, but furrowed his eyebrows. “What?” he asked when he caught the look in Nicole’s eyes. It was a look that was usually reserved for Susan-her mother-when she was trying to hide or keep something.

Nicole gave a small shake of her head. “Nothing.” she answered quickly and tossed her wet hair back. “I thought you weren’t supposed to be back for another two days?” she asked.

Justin narrowed his eyes down at her, she was up to something, but instead answered. “My scheduled changed.” What the hell was she hiding? She kept avoiding eye contact.

She gave him a small smile. “Lynn wants to make sure you’re here for the birthday celebration. I think it seems fair.”

“Yeah.” For the first time in years, Justin had okayed his mom to go all out for his birthday; usually he liked to celebrate it quietly and with a few friends and family. “I think this is the first birthday in years where I won’t have to be on the road to celebrate it.” He tried once again to make eye contact, but she looked anywhere but at his face. Instead she glanced over his shoulder at the bed. He followed her gaze and then turned back to her. He quickly realized that she was in the middle of getting ready to go out. “I can leave...” he said and pointed to the bedroom door.

She gave another quick shake of her head. “No it’s fine.” she cleared her throat.

Justin raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure? It seemed like you’re getting ready to go out-”

“Not for another hour and half.” she answered and brushed past him toward the messy bed. She glanced at the alarm clock on the dresser. “It’s only 5...” she trailed off. He had been right, it was her clothes spread out on the bed, he watched as she began to rummage through it. He kept his gaze on her for a few moments; if he wasn’t mistaken she looked a bit nervous. He watched as she grabbed one article of clothing and then tossed it back unto the bed, and then reach for another one, then another one...

“Nicky?”

She quickly looked up from the clothes and locked eyes with him. “Hmm?”

There it was again-that look that told him she was hiding something. He asked suspiciously. “What is it?”

“What is what?” she asked and continued her task of looking through her clothes.

Justin took a step closer toward the bed and her. “You‘re nervous.” It was a statement, not a question. He suppressed the groan at the tip of his lips when his nose got another swift of peach and mint. She looked back up at him, and placed her hands on her hips with a small pout. He knew she was now trying to play it off, since he had called her out on it.

She furrowed her eyes at him. “Why would I be nervous?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know.” he narrowed his eyes at her. “Why don’t you tell me?”

“You’re the one making assumptions of how I’m feeling Justin.” she shot back as she moved her hands away from her hips and continued her task of looking through the clothes on the bed. “So why don’t you tell me why I’m nervous?”

Justin wrinkled his nose, he knew exactly what she was trying to do, and it was not going to work. “I love how you’re trying to turn this around on me.” he said with a smirk, and took another step closer to her.

“I’m not turning anything around-”

“No?” he asked. “Then why are you avoiding eye contact baby?” he murmured, he now stood inches from her.

Nicole looked up, and purposely met his gaze. “Have you been drinking?” she asked without missing a beat.

He chuckled, and shook his head. “C’mon Nic- I know you like the palm of my hand and I know when you are trying to avoid shit.” he paused as she moved her eyes back down the clothes on the bed. “Or when you’re up to something you don’t want others to know.”

“Whatever Timberlake.”

“Yeah, that isn’t going to work either.” He placed a hand on her elbow and gently turned her body in his direction, they now stood face to face. God, she was even more fucking gorgeous without make-up. He blinked back to the task at hand-and that was finding out what she was damn well hiding. “Unless you’ve forgotten-you are the worse when it comes to lying.” he said with a light smile. “Remember when you were ten and broke Mr. Brooks kitchen window with that baseball? You didn’t even make it twenty minutes before you were knocking on his door confessing the whole thing.”

“He knew it was me!” she answered defensively.

He snorted. “I told you I would take the blame for it- he didn’t like me anyway.”

“Which is why I had to tell him the truth.” she muttered. She shook her head. “What does that have to do with anything anyway?”

He smiled down at her. “I’m just trying to remind you of your past history.” All he wanted to do at the moment was press his lips against her soft ones. He had missed them, along with every other part of her. He didn’t think twice, and placed his hands on her hips to pull her closer to his hard body, her covered breasts pressed against his chest, her hips pressed against his. She let out a small gasp when Justin maneuvered one hand inside the robe, and his fingertips traced along her naked hipbone. “So I’m pretty sure I can get it out of you...” he murmured, his fingers aching to touch more. He leaned in and pressed his forehead to hers. He closed his eyes, trying to get her scent engraved in his brain.

“Nicole?” The moment was broken, when they heard Rachael’s raspy voice. They both turned their heads toward the door; he quickly pulled his hand out of her robe and stepped to the other side of the bed. “Are you almost ready?” she asked. “Sorry-you know how my mom can be when she gets on the phone, but I want to see the outfit you finally picked out...” She stood by the door then, her eyes wide when they landed on Justin. “Oh, Justin...hey, I thought you weren‘t supposed to be back for another 2 days.”

“Plans changed.” he stated. He glanced between both women. Obviously, he was missing something. Rachael had the same look Nicole had a few minutes ago. He looked back at Nicole. “Seriously? Do I need to go so you can finish getting ready?” he asked, deciding to drop whatever she was hiding.

Nicole shook her head and glanced over at Rachael with a small frown.

Rachael cleared her throat and gave Nicole an apologetic look. “Obviously, I’ve inserted foot in mouth, so I’m just going to...go.” and without waiting for a response she disappeared out of their sight.

Once they were alone again, Justin looked back over at her from across the bed. “I can come back later-” he stopped for a second when, Rachael’s words registered in his head. “How did she insert foot in mouth?” he asked, repeating her words. She gnawed on her lower lip but didn‘t say a word. He gave her a teasing smile. “You got a hot date or something?” he joked.

She glared over at him but once again didn’t say a word.

The smile faltered. “You do.” It was a statement not a question. “With who?” he asked. He knew it shouldn’t bother him; it wasn’t as if Nicole was his girlfriend. They had an understanding. Their whole arrangement was supposed to be only physical, friend with benefits. Even if for the past few months it had felt more than just that. Even if he hadn’t been with anyone else but her. It hadn’t been a conscious decision, he had just not found anyone who interested him (or the time really) and he thought it was the same for her. He obviously was wrong.

Nicole pressed her lips together. “This guy has been coming into the store lately- he actually works a few stores down...” she trailed off. “And he came in yesterday and asked- Melissa overheard and before I realized it, she told him I would.” She didn’t make eye contact, as she went back to sorting the clothes on her bed.

He gave a small nod of his head and tried his best to play it off. “Well...good.” he stated. “You should go out and... enjoy.” he finished.

He heard her let out a sigh. “It’s just one date.” she whispered.

“You don’t have to explain it to me Nicky. You’re a grown woman that can do whatever she pleases.” She raised her head up and finally met his gaze, and raised an eyebrow. Justin tried his best to hide his smirk, he knew, she was surprised by his answer. But technically it was the truth, she didn’t belong to him. She hadn’t belonged to him in years. She was stubborn-just like him.

“You’re right.” she concluded, her gaze never leaving his face as she once again chewed on her lower lip. “I’ am.” Her eyes challengingly him, as if she expected him to change his mind somehow.

Justin walked back around toward her, but instead of standing face to face, he stood a few inches behind her. He leaned in. “What I don’t understand is why you felt the need to keep it from me?” he mused in a low whispered. “That’s the reason you were so nervous wasn‘t it?” he murmured into her ear. It all made sense now. She hadn’t wanted him to find out. That amused and infuriated him at the same time.

She looked over her shoulder at him, their mouths only inches apart. “What makes you think I was keeping anything from you?” she shot back with a slow lick of her lips.

He suppressed the groan that almost escaped his throat. Fucking tease. He thought to himself. She knew exactly what she was doing when she did shit like that. “So you would have told me if Rach hadn’t shown up?” he asked as he brought one hand up and scoped her wet hair away from one side of her neck. What he wanted more than anything at that moment was to lean in and suck on her soft skin.

“Would it have mattered?” she asked with a light shiver before she turned and faced him.

“You know the answer to that Nicole.” he said, his blue orbs locked on her. He wasn’t sure how much more self control he could mustered. His body ached for her-along with his heart. He heard her take a deep breath. Justin knew she felt the tension in the room thickened with every ticking second. She didn’t say a word. Justin almost had the urge to roll his eyes. Of course, she wasn’t going to say a word, because then that would mean that they would have to talk about their physical-yet-non-existent relationship. She was scared-Justin knew that. He knew the fear of getting hurt and losing control was what kept their relationship at bay.

Justin opened his mouth to speak again at the same time he heard Rachael say. “Justin?” she stuck her head back into the room. “Sorry to interrupt-” she glanced between him and Nicole. “Do you have your phone? Trace has been trying to get a hold of you.”

He shook his head. “It’s back in the house.”

Rachael extended her hand out and handed him her phone. “It’s must be urgent because he called me.” she said with a smirk.

Justin rolled his eyes. “With Trace? It’s always urgent.” and took the phone from grasp. “Thanks.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once you want it to begin,
No one really every wins
In heartbreak warfare…


Fifteen minutes later, Justin stepped back into the bedroom and was not in the least bit surprised when he found it empty. He turned back toward the bedroom door but stopped when he heard noise coming from the bathroom, followed by a single curse word: “Fuck!” A light smile tugged on his lips, he quietly closed the bedroom door behind him, and turned on his heels toward the bathroom.

Justin knew it was better to let this whole thing go, but he couldn’t help but feel a bit annoyed at the idea of her out with someone else. The idea of someone else’s hand on her, or someone else kissing her, it made his stomach twist in knots. He leaned against the door frame, and tilted his head slightly as she placed her makeup back on the counter before she bend down and picked up her bronzer case. His jaw locked, as his eyes lingered first to her long legs, and then to her ass- barely hidden behind that damn bathrobe. He cleared his throat, and tried his best to look away from her body. “Whoa, what did it do to you?” he joked as she tossed the case on the counter frustrated when she couldn’t get it completely shut. But Justin had a feeling her frustration was not only about her bronzer case...

Nicole turned her head to his voice and blinked in surprised before she met his gaze. “That was a quick conversation.” she stated, ignoring his comment. She reached for her makeup bag again, and grabbed her eye shadow out of it. She leaned into the counter, just enough for his eyes to catch a peek of her creamy thighs.

Justin swallowed hard, and looked away. “They usually are when they include Trace.” He rubbed the back of his head shaven with the palm of his hand. Why had he decided to come back in here again? Did he really want to sit around and watch her get ready for this date with a guy she barely even knew? His stomach churned again at the idea.

“Is he still in New York with Elisha?” Nicole asked.

“Yeah.” he answered, his eyes on her once again. “He said they should be flying in tomorrow morning.”

“Oh. That’s good.” she murmured, and met his gaze through the mirror.

Justin chuckled. “You don’t like her do you?” He hadn’t missed the look in her eyes when she said Trace’s new girlfriend’s name.

She paused and turned to look at him in the eye. “I don’t know her. I‘ve only met her once.” She turned back to the mirror to sweep a darker shade of shadow along the crease of her left eye. “I just think it’s a bit fast for him to be calling her his girlfriend when it’s only been like 3 weeks.” she murmured as she applied the eye shadow to her right eye.

He continued to watch as she applied her make-up. He felt the familiar stir in his stomach as he watched her. Damn, if he couldn’t keep his eyes off her, how did he expect anyone else to do it? She was fucking beautiful.

“What do you think of her?” she asked.

Justin blinked out his thoughts, and shrugged. “Oh um-she seems nice. I haven’t really had a conversation with her though.” he answered, then added. “And you might have only met her once, but I can tell you aren’t going to be her biggest fan if this turns into something serious.” he stated.

Nicole placed the small brush on the counter and sighed. “I am that obvious?” she murmured, and turned around to lean against it. He padded his way toward her, and stood face to face with her. She wrinkled her nose. “I just don’t want him to get hurt again.”

He smiled at her, and hesitantly placed a strand of loose hair behind her ear. “You’re not that obvious-I‘m just that good...” he said with a cocky look, as his knuckles stroked the side of her cheek. “He’s a big boy Nic. If it’s not right, he’ll have to figure it out himself.”

“I know.” she mumbled.

Justin knew this dangerous, but damn it, he fucking missed her. Unfortunately, his arms slid around her before he could stop himself, and he pressed himself into her. He heard a light gasp leave her lips, but she didn’t push him away.

“I should probably let you continue getting ready...” he murmured. The topic of Trace and his new girlfriend forgotten.

Her eyes fluttered open and shut. “Right.” she breathed. “I-uh-need to get changed.” she stammered, and met his gaze but didn’t move from her spot. Justin hid his smirk, as he let his fingers run slowly through her hair. He wasn’t going to let her go so easily, at least not without the idea of him in her head during her date. He knew it was a stupid game to play, but damn it, he couldn’t bare the idea of some other guy rubbing up against her. “Justin...?” she whispered.

He leaned in, his mouth inches from hers. “Mmmm?”

“I have to get dressed.” she repeated.

“Yeah, you said that.” he said, a small smile on his lips. “We don’t want you to be late for your date.”

Nicole raised an eyebrow up at him. “Don’t fucking mock-” but before she could finish her sentence, Justin took her mouth, with one hand in the back of her hair, eliminating anymore distance between them. The kiss was determined, hard and urgent. He smiled against her lips, when he heard a light whimper leave the back of her throat. She opened her lips, and he teased her lightly with his tongue.

Justin broke the kiss, and licked his lips, almost in satisfaction. He watched her suck in a large breath before she looked up at him and glared. He knew he shouldn’t have done it, but he couldn’t help himself, and a tiny part of him loved to see her get riled up. He raised an eyebrow challengingly at her.

“What the hell is your problem?” she snapped. But she still didn’t push him away.

He moved his hands on each side of her- so Nicole was sandwiched between him and the bathroom counter. “I don’t have a problem.” he answered with a light shrug. He knew that it would piss her off even more, and tried to keep a passive face.

“You think this is some stupid game Justin?” she asked before she pressed her lips together.

He gave her a dubious look. “When did I say this was a game?” He licked his lips before he whispered into her ear. “You could have said no...or pushed me away.” he pulled back, a smug look plastered on his face.

Nicole continued to glare up at him. “I have a date to get ready for.” emphasizing the word date.

He leaned back in again, his mouth inches from hers. “No one is stopping you baby.” But he wasn’t going to let her go so easily, if she was going on this date, Justin was going to make sure he was on her mind the whole time. He would make sure she remembered how his lips felt against hers, and how his fingers stroked over her soft curves...

“Move.” she ordered, her mint breath tickled his cheek. But she didn’t make an effort to try and push him away. Justin only raised an eyebrow. She narrowed her brown eyes at him. He saw the look that passed through them- of lust and confusion. She leaned into him, her breasts lightly brushed against his chest. “What are you trying to prove?” she murmured.

Justin angled his head a bit, if he moved an inch closer his lips would literally be on hers again. “I don’t have to prove anything...” he stated in a low whisper.

“No?”

“Nope.” he asserted. He lifted one hand from the counter and gently began to untie the front of her bathrobe, his eyes never left her face. He watched as she followed his hand with her eyes-almost as if daring him to continue. His lips twitched slightly. She could fight him all she wanted with her words, but her eyes told him everything he needed to know. He got her robe completely undone, and sneaked a hand inside, his fingers gripped gently on her warm skin. Justin chuckled lightly as her eyes fluttered shut at his touch. She involuntarily pressed herself closer to him, and Justin was now in contact with the side of her face. Her damp hair tickled his nose, and instead of brushing it way, he buried his face in the rioted mess, and then pressed his mouth to her neck.

God, she was sweet. Sweet and fucking sexy, and he just breathed her in. He knew he should stop. But he couldn’t resist, he lifted his other hand from the counter, and smoothed her hair off her face and let his mouth take itself on a little trail down her throat and back up to her ear, breathing her in as if she could be his air.

“Justin.” she sighed.

He danced his hand inside of her robe, up and down her belly. Up, up...

To the very undersides of her breasts....

It took everything to keep himself from moaning. He pulled the robe with one hand so it rested open on her shoulders. Oh, God, she felt like heaven. Justin moved the same hand down low enough to run into the very top of her mound...

Nicole’s hand instinctively found his, and she gave a small squeeze as a little whimper sound escaped her, and tore at his gut. He pressed his lips to her jaw, her cheek, helpless to resist her smooth skin.

“J...”

“Shh, I’ve got you.” he murmured.

“Justin.” she repeated, but didn’t move.

“Yeah. Me.” he teased gently. He kissed her jaw again, and then her throat. He groaned when she took his wandering hand in both of hers and brought it up to her bare breasts. He smiled to himself; he knew he could make her forget about that stupid date.

His fingers stroked her hard, pebbled nipples as his tongue worked its way to her bare shoulder, he nudged her against the counter, so he could lean over her to get a look at what he had exposed. The robe had somehow slipped off her shoulders, and rested half way down her torso. He completed melted at the sight of her pale breasts as his tanned fingers played with her nipples.

And the truth hit him like a one-two punch- this wasn’t just about sex-he didn’t want to share her. The more time they spend together, the stronger the need for her became.

“We shouldn’t....” she said in a lame attempt to get him to stop.

“Yeah?” he questioned, but realized there and then, that she could resist him as much he could resist her. “I’ve missed you Nicole.” he confessed, his eyes on her face, as if trying to engrave her in his brain. She didn’t let go of his hand. Instead, she pushed it down, and it took everything inside of him to not whine in disappointment. He wanted to continue touching her because her nipples were the most gorgeous nipples he’d ever seen.

But where she pushed his hand-past her quivering belly into the hot and wetness between her thighs-it worked, too, and he spread his fingers to touch as much of her as he could.

She let out a needy murmur, one that had his name on it, and nearly had him coming right there and then. She was a magnetic pull, he had no answer for.

“Justin,” she gasped, her body arching up when he moved his fingers, increasing the rhythm. God, he couldn’t get enough of her. He gave her another look, her eyes shut tightly. He kept his hand on her, and pressed his mouth to her shoulder while he worked her into a feverish pitch with his fingers. Another soft sound left her throat, and he felt her blindly search for his face. “Kiss me.” she pleaded. An invitation if ever he’d heard one, and he snatched it, he lowered his mouth to hers.

She made the sound again and spread her legs for him, and he didn’t hold back, as he ran his tongue over her lower lip, and then drew into his mouth to suck, then caressed it again, as he glided his fingers over her. Into her.

She gasped his name, and he leaned over her, inhaling her scent, the soft feel of her, the way she panted into his ear, how her mouth clung to his as if maybe, just maybe, he was a lifeline for her. Her breathing had turned into a mantra of his name, and he increased the pressure of his fingers, and she cried out, a needy sound that went straight to his groin. She opened her eyes, glossed over and disoriented with desire. Yet, Justin couldn’t help but notice a hint of confusion in them as well. He didn’t care; he needed to show her why she needed to stay there with him. He kissed her again.

And again.

Her face was flushed, her mouth wet from his, and that wasn’t the only place she was wet. She was drenched for him, and the knowledge brought a surge of pleasure so sharp he couldn’t contain his groan, or keep his fingers from playing in her slippery heat.

“Please.” she whimpered into his mouth, as she rocked her hips in tune with his fingers, urging him into her rhythm, but he already knew it. He knew her, knew what made her hum with pleasure, knew how to turn her moans into gasping, hungry cries, how to drive her up higher and higher until her body went tight, and then even tighter, until her hands came down over his as if to hold him there, as if afraid he’d pull away and stop.

That was not going to happen. He kept with her, and increased the pressure and pace as she wanted, he swallowed the lump in his throat and glanced down to watch, which nearly had him losing it.

Her eyes were closed once again, as her mouth opened and she gasped for air, her breasts full, her nipples peaked tight, her belly quivered as he moved his fingers on her, in her. He bend down and took one of her nipples in his mouth, and sucked hard as he stroked her, and she went taut as a bow, then burst.

He couldn’t keep his eyes off her, as she exploded for him, on him, all over him. It was the hottest, most erotic thing he had ever seen, and he hadn’t even been touched.

Her hips slowed, and she released his hand, probably as reality hit. He didn’t react as fast as her, and was slow to take his hand off her, and let it glide up and over her hip, over her ribs, barely skimming the very bottom of a breast, he felt the goose bumps all over her skin before he withdrew and gently helped her slip the robe back over her shoulders to cover the top of her body again. But he didn’t want to let her go just yet, he leaned into her again, and pressed his mouth to the side of her cheek, his chest pressed against hers. He could feel her heart racing deep within her chest, as he was sure, she could feel his as well.

“Nicole-” he whispered into her ear.

She turned her face towards his. “I’m sorry.” she murmured.

He cupped one cheek. “For what?” he asked.

Nicole blinked up at him, and Justin saw the confusion back in her brown eyes. “I shouldn’t have-I mean...” she trailed off as if not sure if she should continue. She licked her lips nervously, and looked away, and over his shoulder. No damn it, this is not how he wanted her to feel about what just happened. He didn’t want her to feel ashamed or embarrassed.

He placed his thumb under her chin, and tilted her face back toward him. “Hey,” he said softly, as his eyes searched her face. “What’s the problem?”

She gave a small shake of her head. “Justin,” she started. “We shouldn’t have-I shouldn’t have-” she corrected.

He stroked the side of her cheek with his finger. “Shouldn’t have what?” he asked, even though he knew the answer. Nicole shot him a look, and sucked in a large breath, and tried to break his gaze. But Justin wouldn’t allow it. He wasn’t going to let this to be pushed under the table, like they’ve done before with everything else in their relationship. “You’re acting as if this has never happened before.” he blurted out, beginning to feel a bit annoyed with the whole situation.

Nicole fully glared at him that time.

He raised an eyebrow at her. “What? It’s the damn truth isn’t it?” he questioned but didn’t wait for her to answer. He moved the hair from her face. “Whenever we’re alone, this always seems to happen. I can‘t seem to fight it, and I know you can‘t either.” He brushed his nose along her jaw toward her ear, where he slowly exhaled. He slid his hand into her hair, cupping her nape, and urged her closer, as his thumb stroked her skin.

She let out a shaky breath. “J-”

But before Nicole had the chance to continue, they both heard a light knock, followed by Rachael’s voice. She broke away from him and turned her attention to the closed bedroom door-15 feet away. “Nicole!?” she called out. “Are you ready? It’s almost 6:30!” she reminded.

“Okay, thanks Rach!” she called back. She turned and faced Justin again, and chewed on her lower lip.

He narrowed his eyes at her. “You’re still going?”

She blinked at him. “I have-”

Justin shook his head. “No, don’t fucking say that you have to go Nicole.” he snapped, and finally took a step back from her.

“Weren’t you the one telling me do go and enjoy myself?” she said sharply, as she folded her arms across her chest. She glowered at him. “And I can’t just not go. He’s probably on his way here anyway.”

He clenched his jaw. “Right.”

Her eyes softened and she whispered. “I’m confused...I thought-”

“Confused about what?”

“Nothing.” she said quickly. “Forget it.” and turned back around to face the mirror.

Justin grabbed her elbow and turned her back around to him, and locked his blue orbs on her brown ones, and searched her eyes for the answer he was looking for. “No.” he said. “You thought what?” he pushed. They stood there for a few moments, neither one saying a word. “You thought what Nicole?” he repeated.

She sucked in a large breath before she answered. “I thought you didn’t care.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Then what Justin?” she asked him. “Because I’m still confused, first you act as if this date is not a big deal and encourage me to go,” she started “Then all of a sudden you can’t seem to keep your hands off me...” she trailed off. “I don’t get it.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“If I wouldn’t have shown up today, would you have told me about tonight? Because you sure as hell looked guilty when you saw me.” he observed.

“I don’t have anything to feel guilty about.” she defended. “This-” and pointed to herself and then him. “This is not supposed to be more than physical remember? Isn’t that what we agreed on?” She looked back up at him. “And besides-I’m not making you share with me who your current conquests have been since the last time we saw each other.”

“No?”

She ran her fingers nervously through her hair. “No.”

“Ask me.”

Nicole blinked in surprised. “What?”

“Ask me.” he repeated.

“I’m not going to-” she said with a shake of her head.

He took the step back toward her, and looked deep in her eyes. “I haven’t been with anyone.” he said truthfully. She looked wide-eyed at him-almost as if surprised by this revelation. “You’re all I think about Nicole.” he confessed. She swallowed, and looked away from his gaze. He could feel her crawling back into her shell at his words. “Look at me.” he demanded hoarsely as he placed his hand beneath her chin, and gently forced her to look up at him. He was tired of this round around they had been doing. He had to make her understand. “I don’t want to share you. I want you. I want us to try this again, for real this time.” he said, his gaze never faltering. “I don’t want anyone else. I’m tired of these mind games we continue to play Babygirl.”

She licked her lips, as she tried to look away from his blue gaze.

Justin once again tilted her chin, and forced her to look at him. “No, Nic-look at me.” he repeated. “Stop running from this. From me.” But Justin could sense her hesitation. “You’re what I want...you’ve always been what I wanted-I know you know that.” he whispered. “Regardless of everything, you have this damn effect on me that no one else manages to stir...”

She looked up at him, tears in her eyes. “I can’t do this right now.” she said a hushed tone.

“Why? Because you have this so-called date to get ready for?” he sneered. “You know-if it was as important as you are trying to convince yourself it is, then you would have not let me touch you the way I just did.” he reminded. “You would have told me no.”

Justin knew he couldn’t force her; he had never been able to do that. She was fucking stubborn. The damn fear of losing control of herself, is what kept whatever they were/are from moving forward. A year ago, he would have been fine with it-especially after Britney, but-he had finally let go of that. And a big part of that had been because of Nicole.

He leaned in again, and murmured into her ear. “But you go ahead and finish getting ready for this date.” He pulled away from her, and turned his back to her as he stepped out of the bathroom.

~~~~~~~~~~

If you want more love,
why don't you say so?


A few hours later, Nicole ran her fingers nervously through her hair; she stood on Justin’s kitchen back door porch. She licked her dry lips, as she tried to get the courage to knock on the door. She looked at her reflection through the window, and wrinkled her nose; maybe she should have gone and changed before she came up here-she was still in her date outfit. The date she had ended only an hour after it started. It wasn’t as if there had been anything wrong with him- on the contrary- he had shown up on time, and had even made reservations at a nice restaurant, followed by a jazz concert, but Nicole’s mind and heart had not been in it and had told him after dinner that she was sorry, but she was beginning to not feel well and had asked to be taken home.

She still wasn’t sure why she had agreed on the stupid date anyway, and her hesitation had been long before Justin had walked into the bedroom. She felt a light shiver run down her spine when she thought about the way his lips had felt against her, and the way his expert hands had roamed up, over and in her body. She frowned. “That bastard.” she thought to herself. He had done that on purpose. He knew she would not be able to concentrate on anything after that.

She glanced back at her reflection, and sigh. She needed to talk to him, to apologize for earlier. What she had done had been wrong, she shouldn’t have left without clearing things up with him. But his words had taken her by surprise-he had never come out and said that to her before. She had emotionally shut down. Why? Because she was scared. And at dinner, his lips, his hands, and the fear she felt was all she had been able to think about.

Nicole sucked in a large breath and knocked lightly on the door, and then waited. She knew he was still up-the kitchen light was still on. She stood there for another minute, but she didn’t see him. She chewed on her lower lip, and knocked a bit harder that time. Maybe he had fallen asleep? Or maybe he wasn’t home? But his car was there... maybe Marty or one of his other friends had come and picked him up? But before Nicole had a chance to wonder if he was there or not, the back door swung open.

She felt the familiar butterflies in her stomach whenever he was around. She couldn’t help but smile when her eyes fell on his handsome face. “Hey.” she managed to greet.

He looked down at her in surprise. “Hey...” he greeted back and scratched the side of his ear.

“We’re you asleep?” she asked, when she noticed, how surprised he looked to see her standing there.

“Um-no.”

“Okay, good. Can I come in?”

He didn’t say a word as he took a step to his side, and let her walk into the kitchen. She watched as he closed the door behind him, and glanced down at his watch. “You’re home early.” he observed.

Nicole knew what he meant by that. She felt her heart race deep within her chest. “Yeah-”

But before she had the chance to continue, she heard a female voice call out. “J?” Nicole turned her face to the voice, and felt a pang in her chest, when she recognized the beautiful woman that entered the kitchen. “Where did you go-” but stopped mid-sentenced when she spotted Nicole. The frown the beautiful blond had been wearing a few seconds ago, turned slightly into a smile when she recognized her. “Nicole!” she exclaimed. “Oh my god! I haven‘t seen you in months!” she greeted in that southern drawl and walked over to give her a friendly hug.

Nicole hugged her back numbly. They pulled away, and Nicole forced a friendly smile on her face. “Hey! “She faked exclaimed. “How you’ve been Britney?” she asked, and raised an eyebrow at Justin-who sat on the bar stool, a light frown on his lips.

I’m all he wants, my ass. She thought to herself. This day just kept getting better and better. She needed to get the fuck out of here. She could not believe she was going to come over and here and try to beg him to forgive her.

Britney’s smile faded a bit. “I’m good.”

And that’s when Nicole noticed her bloodshot eyes-almost as if she had been crying. Nicole felt the empathic side of her kick in. “You sure?”

Britney nodded. “Yeah. Just...had a moment.” She looked over her shoulder at Justin. “I think I’m going to go. I’ve already missed like 20 phones calls. Don’t need for them to call the police or something.”

Nicole watched as Justin got off the stool and nodded. “Okay, I’ll walk you to your car.”

Britney leaned in and gave Nicole another hug. “We need to do lunch soon.” she said as she pulled away. “But I’ll see you Friday night right?”

Nicole wrinkled her nose in confusion. “Friday night?”

She nodded. “Yeah, for Justin’s birthday party.” she reminded.

“Oh right.” Nicole said, as she felt a tiny bit of annoyance at the realization that Justin’s ex-girlfriend was going to be at his birthday party. “Friday...yeah.” as she forced a smile.

Britney smiled back, and glanced back at Justin. “I’m going to grab my car keys.”

Justin nodded once again, once she was out of the sight, he made his way to Nicole. His blue orbs landed on her face. Nicole felt her breath catch in her throat, as she gazed up at him. Goddamit why did he have to be so damn beautiful? It made hating him, so much harder.

“Don’t leave.” he pleaded. “Let me walk her out, and I’ll be back.” he stated.

Nicole didn’t say a word.

“Please Nicole.” he begged. He must have seen the look in her eyes. “Give me five minutes okay?” He nodded in the direction of the fridge, and then glanced back down at her. “Mom, brought me some of Granny’s homemade peach cobbler...” he said in a light teasing tone. “I’ll share it with you- if you’ll wait for me.”

Nicole tried to hide the small smile. He knew she couldn’t resist his grandmother’s baking. Especially her famous peach cobbler. “I’ll have to have a serious talk with Granny the next time I see her.” she said. “Where’s my homemade peach cobbler?” she asked with a light frown.

Justin chuckled lightly. “There’s more than half left, you know where the forks and plates are at.” He gave her shoulder a light squeeze. “I’ll be right back,” he promised. Nicole gave a small nod, and he took that as a good sign because he smiled before he walked out of the kitchen.

She sighed, but made her way toward the cabinet with the plates. She swung it opened and reached for a plate. She placed the plate on the marble counter island; she walked toward the drawer with the spoons and forks. She grabbed a fork and knife, and sighed again-only louder, as she made her way to the fridge to take out the peach cobbler. She should just leave. God knows what she had interrupted before she had knocked. Not that it mattered to her of course.

She closed the fridge door and walked back to the plate, the dish of cobbler in her hand. She placed the dish on the counter. What could he possibly want to say to her? Did he realize he had made a mistake in what he had told her earlier? She took the foil wrapper off the cobbler, her mouth quickly watered when she saw the deliciousness of it. She cut a large slice with her fork and knife and placed it on her plate.

He hadn’t even waited an hour before he had called her! And Nicole had been worried about how mad he had been. She snorted before she took a fork full of cobbler into her mouth. Again, why was she still there? Her tongue came in contact with the sweet dessert, and she closed her eyes. “This is why you haven’t left yet.” she thought to herself as she reached out for the bar stool and sat herself down.

Maybe she could finish her slice before he reappeared. But a tiny part of her knew that wasn’t how she should deal with this situation, and bigger part of her, had no fucking clue how to deal with any of this anymore. It shouldn’t matter to her if he was spending time with his ex-girlfriend. Nicole wasn’t his girlfriend. She was just the rebound friend, who was there whenever he needed to release some steam, and vice versa.

She leaned into the counter and frowned to herself, as she took another bite and his words from earlier in the day came flooding back. He had said he wanted to try again. Had he really meant that? Because seeing his beautiful ex-girlfriend in his kitchen, was not helping Nicole see the positive in his words. Nicole suddenly felt the walls around the room start to inch around her, she dropped the fork on the plate. She shouldn’t be there. She had been stupid to think that he had been serious in his confession earlier.

But deep down, Nicole knew his confession had been real, and that’s where the panic was coming from. She got up from the stool and placed the foil back on the left peach cobbler. She walked in the direction of the fridge and placed it back inside. That’s where the annoyance and part of her fear was coming from, she realized. Yes, a part had to do with her, and their situation, but it also had to do with the fact that Nicole did not want him to get hurt that way again, not by Britney...and especially not by her. Because she knew her fear is what kept them from moving forward. The fear of losing herself in him, the fear of getting hurt, and the fear of hurting him in the process.

“Did you leave me any?” she heard Justin tease.

She glanced up and he was leaning into the island, a small smile on his mouth. She nodded. “Yeah, there’s plenty left.” She pressed her back against the fridge, and locked eyes with him. She wasn’t sure of what to say.

“Thanks for waiting.” he finally said after a few moments and rubbed the top of his shaven head.

Nicole gave a small shrug. “Why exactly did you want me to wait?”

Justin raised an eyebrow at her, and folded his arms on the counter, as leaned more into it. “You showed up here...” he reminded.

“Oh...right.” she said lamely. “I didn‘t mean to interrupt-”

“You didn’t interrupt anything.” he told her, and narrowed his eyes at her.

Nicole only nodded, but broke away from his gaze. She needed to leave. She didn’t want to be there, she had to try and figure out how she truly felt about everything. Because she wasn’t even sure she should be upset about the fact that his ex-girlfriend had just left his house or the fact that she was going to be attending his birthday party on Friday night. And then there were his words from earlier that kept swimming in her head...

“Nicole.” he called out and straighten himself up and took a step in her direction. “She showed up after I left you-”

She gave a slight shake of her head, but didn‘t look at him. “J-you don’t have to explain-”

Justin shook his head sharply. “No, I want to.” he said firmly, and she finally met his gaze again. “She called me in tears.” he started, he now faced her, but they were still a few inches apart. “She got into a fight with her mom, and I guess she had been driving around for almost an hour before she decided to call me. She said I would be the only person that would understand.” He explained. “Anyway, she wanted me to meet her at a coffee shop, and I suggested she come here instead. I don’t need the damn paparazzi starting shit back up about us...” he trailed off.

“Justin, really, you don’t have to explain.” she repeated.

But Justin wasn’t going to let this drop. “She needed someone to vent to.”

“I guess she has more venting to do, since she’ll be at the party on Friday.” she blurted out without thinking. She cursed at herself. Where the hell had that come from? Justin raised an eyebrow in surprise to her comment. Nicole felt her cheeks begin to burn. “I’m sorry, I had no right to say that.” Then added. “I just don’t want-”

He stopped her. “I’m not going there again Nicole. Trust me.” he rubbed the top of his head nervously. “And yes, I did invite her to come Friday night. We’re trying to stay friends.” he said with a small smile. “But there is nothing going on. I swear.” he reassured. “She needed someone to talk to, and I couldn’t just leave her hanging.” he explained.

Nicole nodded again, but she had seen how hurt he had been after things ended between him and Britney, and she had hated seeing him that way. He had been in a dark place, and Nicole prayed that she would never see him there again. And just when he seemed to start letting go of things, Britney would show up, and he would go back there again, it hadn’t been until after last year’s Thanksgiving where he had started to let go of the hurt, and of Britney for good.

"Nicole." he said, she blinked back up at him, but did not reply. He searched her face, as if trying to get a sense of what she was thinking. "I meant what I said earlier." he said. "Those weren't just words. I want us to try again baby."

Nicole felt her stomach tighten at his words-not because she didn't believe him-but because she did. She wanted to stop being scared. She wanted to give him what he was asking, but she didn't know if she could, or if she knew how to. Even for the brief moment that they had been together as teenagers, she never truly knew how to give him what he wanted.

"Stop trying to come up with excuses on why you should leave." Justin said sharply. Nicole frowned at him. She hated that he knew her so damn well. He continued. "And stop trying to convince yourself that something happened between me and her, just so you can give yourself a way out." He took another step toward her. “So I'll say it again; there is nothing going on between us. Nothing happened."

Nicole spoke up for the first time in the past few minutes. "Are you going to tell me that the idea didn't even cross-"

"She tried." Justin said honestly, his eyes cold for a split second. "But I told her no. I've finally moving on from that. From her. She will always have a spot in my heart-I can’t deny that-but I don't want her back." he confessed. He tilted his head, and tried to catch her gaze again. "I want you Nicole. Just you."

She swallowed the lump in her throat, as she tried to keep the tears from spilling over. "Justin..." she started, thankful for the support of the fridge holding her up.

"Why is this so hard for you to believe?" he murmured, and now stood in front of her, he placed one hand on her elbow. "Why do you try so hard to run from this?" He pressed his forehead to hers. "I'm tired of us pretending that it's purely physical with us."

Nicole took a shaky breath. “I’m not running-“

Justin raised an eyebrow. "No? What about back in Virginia last March?” he reminded. “Do you remember what I said?”

Of course she remembered last March. He had come out and said he loved her, to this day, she wasn’t sure if it had just spilled out after a moment of passion or if he truly meant it. But of course they had not talked about that either. She felt paralyzed, she wish she didn’t. “Yes, I remember…” she barely whispered and looked up at him through her lashes. But that had been back in March, that had been almost ten months ago, and even though he was telling her all this right now, in between those months he had seen other people. Him, not her. There had been Jenna-the dancer, and even Alyssa Milano…

And it was things like that kept her heart on guard. That’s what made her so hesitant to open up to him again, to really let him in. Why did she have to over think everything?! Why couldn’t she just say yes?

He let out a dejected sigh, when she didn’t say anything else. He still had his forehead pressed to hers, and cupped her face between his hands. She blinked back more tears. “Don’t cry.” he murmured sweetly, and wiped the tears that rolled down her cheek with his thumb.

But Nicole couldn’t help it. All of this was so frustrating. She opened her mouth to apologize, but let out a low moan when she felt his lips on her. He kissed her sweetly, and softly, his tongue teased the inside of her mouth.

He broke away after a few moments. “I’m not going to push you...” he muttered. “I know better than to do that.” he said with a light chuckle.

Nicole felt her heart squeeze at his words. She didn’t deserve him. She swallowed the huge lump in her throat. “I should go…”

“Why?”

“Do you really want me here right now?” she asked him.

Justin gave her a small smile. “Honestly? Yes, I do.” he said. He placed a kiss on her cheek.

Nicole wrinkled her nose at him in confusion. “Why are you being so understanding over this?” she couldn’t help but ask.

“Because, I’m your best friend.” Justin started. “Because I know where the fear is coming from. I hate it, but I understand. And I can’t bare the idea of losing you.” he said. “I can continue to push you on this, but it will only push you out of my life.” he whispered. “I would rather continue to have my best friend in my life, than lose her for good. Because I don’t think I could survive that.”

Good to know it's all a game
Disappointment has a name, it's heartbreak warfare…