Chapter 33 

Get What You Give

Spring Break 2002

Orlando

Nicole put the glass of water back on the table, slid her sunglasses to the top of her head and gave JC Chasez a worried look. “Is he sick?” she asked. She brought a fork full of pasta to her mouth. JC brought a hand up and rubbed the back of his neck. She placed the fork full of pasta back on the plate and wrinkled her nose. “What?” she asked when she noticed the hesitation in his eyes.

JC reached out for his ice-tea, any excuse to break her gaze. “No...he isn’t sick.” he answered carefully and brought the straw up to his lips, not meeting her eyes.

Nicole frowned over at him. She had only been on Orlando for 2 hours and she knew something was going on. Not that she hadn’t been happy to see JC, but she had been surprised to see him instead of Justin or Trace at the airport. A few weeks back Justin had invited her and Rachael to spend spring break week in Florida. Rachael and Nicole had taken him up on the invitation.

The plan had been for Rachael and her to go, but at the last minute Rachael had to back out to help her mother out. Any other time, Nicole would have been fine, hanging out at Justin’s house by herself, but things had changed in the past couple of weeks. Justin’s 4 year relationship with non-other than Britney Spears had ended 3 weeks before. And even though the details of the break-up were still a bit fuzzy, Nicole had the feeling things had not ended on a good note. The last few times she had spoken to him over the phone, he had made it quite obvious he did not want to talk about it, he would only mumble that he was fine. Nicole knew better than to push it, but her gut told her, he was hurting. Lynn; Justin’s mom had confirmed her suspicion.

“He keeps telling me that he’s over it....“ Lynn had told Nicole the night before. “But you know how stubborn he can be. It’s going to take some time but he‘ll be okay. But I do think he needs the distraction with friends.”

So now, she sat across from JC, having lunch before he drove her to Justin’s. Nicole narrowed her eyes, he had been awfully quiet since they left the airport. “What’s going on?” she asked, bringing the straw up to her lips.

JC shook his head. “Nothing is going on.”

Nicole rolled her eyes and leaned into the table. “Something is going on Joshua.” She stated, using his full name.

“Have you talked to him?” JC asked. He was slightly distracted when they heard his name from the sidewalk. Nicole had forgotten they were still outside the restaurants seating area. She watched him give the young woman a polite smile and a wave. He turned back to her. “Sorry.” he muttered.

“Don’t be.” She said with a small smile.

He glared playfully. “I’m glad I can entertain you.”

“I’m glad you can too.” she retorted back. JC only shook his head. She quickly steered the subject back to his question. “And I talked to him yesterday. Why?”

He cleared his throat and gave a small shrug. “Last night?”

“No. It was late afternoon. He said he was getting ready to go out with a few guys.” she answered.

JC smirked. “He’s been going out a lot...”

Nicole wrinkled her nose. “What do you mean?” She wasn’t sure where JC was going with this.

“He’s been going out every night Nicole. Since the tour ended.”

“The tour ended 2 weeks ago.” she stated.

“Exactly.” JC gave a small shake his head. “I mean granted we all got a bit crazy the last week of the tour and we all knew he needed to let out some steam after the whole Britney thing. But he hasn’t stopped. He’s been out drinking every night, since we got back to Orlando.”

Nicole blinked in surprise. “But Lynn-”

JC interrupted. “Okay...fine, he waited until she was gone.” a sheepish smile on his face. “Besides she was only here for 2 days.” he informed her. “I’m all up for going out and having a little fun, but when you don’t do anything for 2 straight weeks but sleep all day because you’ve been out all fucking night drinking and doing who knows what else...” he trailed off. “It’s getting out of hand.” he finished.

She didn’t want to believe it, but the look on JC’ s face told her it was true. “Has anybody said anything to him?”

“He’s really not listening to anyone right now. I’ve tried talking to him, so has Joey and even Trace.” He paused for a split second. “Trace was the one that called and asked if I could pick you up since J was apparently still passed out.” he informed her. “Trace would have, but he had a dentist appointment.”

Suddenly things started to make sense. Was she worried that he was going to do something stupid if he continued to go out every damn night, drinking and doing god knows what else? Yes. This wasn’t like him. But she also didn’t appreciate being dumped on someone else. She was fuming now. “So his drunk ass is still sleeping?” she asked more to herself than to him. She met JC’s gaze and smirked. “I hope he’s still passed out when you drop me off.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nicole watched Trace sit down on the stool across from her. “Have you put any more thought about grad school?” he asked, his eyes did not waver as he put the beer bottle up to his lips.

Nicole gave a small shrug and looked over his shoulder to avoid eye contact. “I don‘t know.” she answered. She grasped the glass of ice water on the kitchen counter with both hands. This really wasn’t a conversation she felt like having at the moment. She had no idea what she wanted to do in the next few months, and she really was not in the mood to hear Trace’s advice. She now wished she hadn’t mentioned it to him a few weeks back.

“You don’t know what?” he asked. Nicole didn’t respond and continued to avoid eye contact. “If you don’t want to talk about it, then just say you don’t want to talk about it.” he stated in a knowing tone.

“Fine.” she started, and finally made eye contact. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay.” he said with a smirk. After a few moments, he spoke up again. “Why don’t you want to talk about it?” Nicole glared over at him. He put up his hands. “Okay, fine. I’m dropping the subject. But I don’t understand what the big deal is.” he mumbled.

“It’s not a big deal.” she muttered, and brought the glass of water up to her lips.

For the past hour and half they had been catching up in Justin’s kitchen, while he was passed out upstairs in his bedroom. After lunch with JC, he had driven her to Justin’s, and as they began to unload all of her suitcases, Trace had shown up. After getting all the suitcases inside the house, JC had said goodbye and left. (He had another appointment.)

“If you say so.” Trace said.

She raised an eyebrow. “I say so.” She did not fly out to Florida to talk about school-or lack there of. “Can we drop it?” she asked.

“Man, I need some fucking new friends.” Trace said half jokinly. “One’s upstairs getting shitfaced every night, and the other one is-”

“The other one what?” Nicole interrupted and narrowed her eyes. “Pick your next words wisely Ayala.” she threaten. Trace only smiled innocently before bringing the bottle back up to his lips. “Good choice.” Nicole said.

Trace put the bottle back down. “Look...” he started, his face serious now. “Whatever you decide-do it because you want to. Not because you feel you have to.”

She gave him a half smile. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” he said with a huge grin.

Nicole knew he was only looking out for her and she appreciated it. But knew it was her decision and at the moment, she wasn’t sure of anything when it came to her future. All she knew was that she was scared, so far life hadn’t gone as she once planned out. Life sucked sometimes. She glanced over Trace’s head toward the staircase and frowned, momentarily forgetting about her problems to focus on other matters.

“He won’t be up for maybe another hour.” Trace guessed as if reading her mind.

She looked back over at him. “It’s almost 4 in the afternoon.” she stated.

“Yeah, I know.” he said with a shrug. “This has been going on for the past 2 weeks Nicky.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me?” she muttered. After what JC had told her at lunch she had been ready to give Justin an earful, but JC managed to calm her down before they got to the house and Nicole decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. But that benefit was slowly slipping...he hadn’t bother to get up after Trace had gone upstairs to get him. “He was the one that suggested this trip...”she mumbled. She had even gone upstairs to get him out of bed, and he had only grunted and pulled the pillow over his head. She had fought the urge to smack the side of his huge head.

“Yeah...well, if you want to spend any time with him, then get ready to be out into the wee hours of the night. Because during the day, all he does is sleep.”

“Can’t you-”

“Can’t I what?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know...make him-”

Trace gave a small chuckle. “He’s not a child Nicole.”

“He’s acting like one.” she snapped.

“He’s hurting.” Trace replied.

Nicole gaped over at Trace. “So that makes it okay for him to go around getting drunk and doing God knows what else with people he barely knows? That only want to be around him because of who he is. There are other ways to deal with this.” she said with a glare. “I know he’s hurting. I’m not trying to take that away from him. I’m pretty sure she’s hurting too-”

“Nic-”

“What?” she said with a wrinkle of her nose.

“Do you have any idea what happen?”

She shook her head. “No.” she chewed her lower lip and then added. “He just told me they had decided to end things, but didn’t give specifics. I didn’t feel it was in my place to ask.” She knew that he would talk about it when he was ready. But Nicole also knew it wasn’t going to be any time soon.

Trace locked eyes with her. “It wasn’t mutual.” Nicole raised an eyebrow. Trace continued. “Justin hates being lied to...” he trailed off. “You and I know that, and once you‘ve lied to him, it‘s hard to earn his trust back...”

She snorted and said sarcastically. “Why bother trying to get it back?” Nicole closed her eyes for a split second. “She lied to him?” Trace nodded. “About what?”

“What do you think?”

There was a long pause before Nicole spoke again. “She wouldn’t-?” she stopped herself. There was no way.

Trace nodded again.

“She didn’t-?” Nicole understood. She meet Trace’s gaze again. He could only give a small shrug. “You’re joking right? I mean she wouldn’t do that to him.” Nicole pressed her lips together, trying to take it all in. “I thought things were fine?” Nicole whispered.

“Yeah...so did Justin.” he added bitterly.

“Are you sure?” she questioned. “Maybe it’s just a misunderstanding.” she reasoned.

Trace shook his head. “That’s what I said. But according to him, its not.” He paused. “The only one that’s been able to get him to say anything about it, is Lynn. And believe me, that took alot of probing.” he half joked. “He isn’t talking to anyone. I tried, but all he does is shrug it off, like it’s no big deal.”

Nicole brought the glass up to her lips. She knew things hadn’t ended well between them, but she figured in the end it would blow over and they would get back together. Justin was crazy about her, and Nicole knew he would do anything to work whatever needed to be worked out. But if what Trace was telling her was true, there was no chance of that. Because if there was one thing Justin despised more than anything was dishonesty. Trace was right, once his trust was broken, there was no way in getting it back.

Trace interrupted her out of her thoughts. “So I don’t push...”

“You don’t push?” she asked incredulously. “Trace-”

“What the hell I’am supposed to do?”

“Tell him to snap the fuck out of it. Deal with it!” she exclaimed. “How is going out every damn night helping the situation?”

“If it’s so easy, why didn’t you do something about it?” Trace snapped.

Nicole glared. “I’m not the one with him every fucking day Trace Ayala! And I had no idea there was a problem!” she shouted. She was boiling with anger now. This was stupid. Justin was acting like a child and that was not the type of man she knew he was.

“Will you stop yelling?” Trace ordered.

Nicole let out a large breath. “Sorry.” she mumbled.

“Look, he’s dealing with it-”

She snorted. “Oh right, because turning into an alcoholic is the right way to deal with a broken heart.” She knew she was exaggerating a little bit, but couldn’t help it. Her oldest best friend in the world was upstairs drowning in booze and acting like a damn toddler because he was too afraid to deal with the real pain.

Trace rolled his eyes and groaned. “Are you fucking listening to yourself right now? And he’s not an alcoholic.”

“That’s the road he’s headed into.” she muttered.

“He’s hurt-”

“Are you still trying to defend what’s he’s doing?” she snapped. “I know. I know this must be tearing him up inside. One night of binge drinking? Fine, I understand. But it’s been two fucking weeks!” she paused. “Don’t make excuses for him. He’s a coward.” she stated simply. She got up from the stool, glass of water in hand. “And I think it’s about time someone told him.”

Trace narrowed his eyes. “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to go upstairs to get his ass out of bed.” she answered, taking a sip from her water.

“Fine.” Trace said and nodded to the glass in her hand. “Leave the water.” he suggested.

She shook her head. “Why? I’m thirsty.” she stated, as she began to walk to the direction of the stairs. Everyone around him was afraid to tell him what they thought of his behavior-including Trace- but she wasn‘t. She was not going to let him do this to himself over a girl. He was better than this, even if at the moment he wasn’t acting like it.

“You know he’s going to kill you!” she heard Trace call after her. Nicole gave him a small wave over her shoulder and continued to climb the stairs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nicole knew Trace was right. Justin was going to be beyond pissed. But damn it, someone had to trigger him out of this immature funk he was in. It could only end up bad. The idea of something happening to him made her shiver with fear. Did he have a right to be hurt and angry? Yes, of course, but there were better ways to deal with that kind of emotion. And she didn’t fly down here to be around a moppy drunk for a week.

She pushed open the bedroom door, and quietly stepped inside with the glass of ice water still in her hand. Nicole frowned, it was the middle of the afternoon and he had the shades down, which only made the room gloomier than what it already felt like. Her eyes fell onto the king size bed. He wasn’t visible- not with the huge bedspread over his stubborn head. She walked over to the bed. “Justin?” she said, and leaned over him. She saw the lump under the covers stir and heard a grunt. “Justin!” she said a little louder. But the only response she got was another grunt. She glared down at him, even though he couldn’t see it. “Timberlake!” she exclaimed and gave him a small shove with her free hand. He responded with groan.

She wasn’t playing games. She was going to get his ass of bed one way or another. She was not going to let him get away with this childish behavior. She really hadn’t planned on doing it... but now he left her no choice. She reached for the covers with her free hand, and pulled them off his head. He was now exposed from the waist up- shirtless- as he laid flat on his stomach. He quickly pulled the pillow next to him over his head. She smirked and brought the glass of water up to her lips and took a small sip before she tilted the glass over his naked back. “This should do it.” she murmured and slowly let the ice and water pour down his masculine back.

Nicole had never seen anyone move so fast. “What the fuck!?” he roared, as he stumbled out of bed, his lower body tangled with the sheets.

She stiffled her giggles before she looked over at him with an innocent smile.”Oh good. You’re awake.” she said in her best sweet voice, and placed the empty glass on the dresser next to his bed.

“What the hell is your problem?!” he yelled and quickly wrapped the sheet over his naked torso.

“There is no need to yell.” she said in a calm voice. Not that she blamed him, if she had been woken up that way, she would have raised hell too. But it got him out of bed. But Nicole was thankful the bed was between them. He looked ready to pounce on her.

Justin glared over at her instead. “You think this is fucking funny?” he snapped. “What the hell was that for?” he demanded.

“I’m not laughing Timberlake.” Nicole retorted, then added. “Do you realize it’s almost 4 in the afternoon?” She watched him bend down and pick up the pair of jeans on the floor. He met her gaze and continued to glare. Yep, she really was thankful for the bed between them...

“I’m glad you can tell time.” Justin snapped.

Nicole’s eyes widen when she realized what he was about to do next, but exclaimed regardless. “What are you doing?!” He placed his hands where the sheet was wrapped around his waist.

He came to a brief stop as he answered gruffly. “Putting pants on.” But, she couldn’t help but notice the now smug look on his face due to her reaction. “What?“ he asked, the tone of his voice changing and he moved his hands back to the sheet.

Nicole glared, it wasn’t as if she’d never seen him naked before-on the contrary, she had a perfect depiction of what he looked like naked in her mind, but it had been almost 5 years since the last time she had seen him that way. She watched as the smug look on his handsome face grow. She hated when he was able to turn the tables on her.

“Is that a problem?” he asked, and looked at her challengingly. It was as if he had completely forgotten how he had been woken up.

Their relationship was like a light switch, she instantly felt the mood in the room change. She knew what he was thinking. He didn’t have to say it, it was written on his face. The question now remained whether or not they would act on it. Because she wasn’t going to ignore the facts; he was hurt and most likely angry.

She shook her head and answered calmly. “No.”

Justin raised an eyebrow. “No?” he repeated.

Nicole knew what he was trying to do, and it wasn’t going to work. She could play along with his stupid game. She wasn’t the one standing there with only a sheet wrapped around them. She crossed her arms in front of her chest, and raised her own eyebrow at him. “No.”

She saw a small smile tug on his lips as he shrugged. “Okay...since it’s not a problem...”

She watched as he placed his hands back on the sheet. Her eyes fell back on his face for a few seconds, and she now noticed the stumble on his cheeks and chin, which made him look older but still handsome. She couldn’t help but let her eyes linger down his naked chest. Sometimes she forgot how beautiful he really was. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she quickly glanced away. She heard a light chuckle leave his lips. She cursed at herself, she knew he had caught her starring.

He wasn’t the type to flaunt or brag about his good looks-in fact compared to other men Nicole had met, he was pretty modest. But then there would be moments like these, where he only acted like a cocky bastard to make her squirm. Nicole couldn’t help but feel the butterflies in the pit of her stomach.

She glanced back up at him. “You waiting on a whistle?” He only smirked at her and he began to unwrap the sheet from around his waist. Nicole quickly shut her eyes. She couldn’t do it, despite trying to play it cool. And she knew he was about to gloat.

She heard him laugh. “So....that means I win, right?” After a few more seconds, she heard him say. “You can open them now.” She opened them back up. He stood in the same spot-this time with pants-and a smile. “I knew you couldn’t do it.” he stated.

Nicole made a face in his direction. “I’m glad I can amuse you.”

“It’s the least you can do, after your little stunt.”

She rolled her eyes. “Someone had to get your ass out of bed.” she snapped. “Oh...did I mention it’s 4 in the afternoon?”

Justin threw the sheet back on the bed. “Yeah, you did.” he said dryly. “Look, if you came in here to nag-”

Nicole interrupted him. “No, that’s not why I came in here for.” as she glared. “Actually I just wanted to say, thanks.”

“For what?”

“Oh you know...for dumping me on someone else.” she said sarcastically.

He looked up at her, and for the first time she saw the weariness in his eyes. “Nicole-”

“No, I mean it’s fine. I know you‘ve been busy the past couple of weeks.” She was probably being a bit harsh, but she couldn’t help it. She picked up the pillows on the floor and placed them back on the bed. “You know, I could‘ve saved myself a trip if I knew this is what-”

“If what?” he interrupted sharply. He narrowed his eyes at her and let out a sigh. “I’m sorry I didn’t pick you up from the airport, or that I didn’t get out of bed when you got here, but you have no right to come in here and act all high and fucking mighty.” he said harshly.

Nicole blinked in surprise. She had not expected that type of answer. But she recovered quickly as she remembered what Trace and JC had told her earlier. “At least I’m not acting like a damn idiot. What are you going to do Justin? Drink until you think the pain is gone?” She might have crossed the line, but she didn’t care. She wanted to get a reaction from him.

She saw his jaw clench. “Fuck you Nicole.” as he glowered at her from across the bed.

“Did I just hit a nerve?” she challenged.

She watched him make his way toward her. His face was inches from hers, but he didn’t say anything for a few moments. Instead, his eyes searched her face, as if trying to understand her logic. He licked his lips and finally spoke. “What are you doing? Hmm?”

“What are you doing?” she shot back as she pointed a finger to his chest. “This is me, Justin. I’m not going to sugar coat anything for you. You’re in pain? You’re hurt? Deal with it. Convey it in other ways.” she looked back up at him, her eyes pleading. “Don’t let it consume you.”

Justin narrowed his eyes down at her. “I don’t know what you’ve been told, but I’m fine. And I sure as hell don’t need you to come in here, pretending you know-”

“How it feels to have a heart broken?” she finished for him. She held his gaze. Justin winced at her words. She hadn’t meant to say it, but the words had left her mouth before she even realized it. But she knew exactly what he was going through, to truly have your heart broken by your first love. It might have been a few years back, but she still lived with the sting of it.

But before Justin even had the chance to answer, Trace stuck his head into the room. “Nic?” he said.

Nicole broke from Justin’s gaze and looked over at Trace. “Yeah?”

“It’s Susan.” he stated, holding her phone in his hand.

She brushed past Justin and toward Trace. “Thanks.” she said, and took the phone from him, as she walked out of the room without giving Justin a second look.