Their Relationship
2002
“Are you going to tell me about the new guy?” Justin asked Nicole settling himself down next to her on the couch.
She glanced up from her laptop and raised her eyebrow at him. “What new guy?”
He placed the two bottle of beers down the coffee table and gave her a look.
It had been a week and a half since their argument, and so far nothing had seemed to change. After Nicole had left the room, Justin had sat there trying to decide what the hell to do. And in the time he had spent alone, he had come up with nothing. After Nicole had left, he could have answered the phone- he knew what the other end of the line held and truth was he hadn’t known how to handle it. He didn’t know if he wanted to handle it. Especially with his feeling for Nicole lingering over his head…
But he hadn’t told Nicole any of that. In fact he was positive she was convinced he had answered it. She hadn’t asked him about it though.
“The new guy you and Rachel were talking about earlier…” he stated trying his best to sound as if he didn’t care.
Because he shouldn’t care if there was a new guy. He had never cared before. It had never bothered him before-until now apparently.
“Oh.” was all she gave him, glancing back down at her laptop.
He opened his mouth to speak but shut it again when she said. “What about him?”
“I don’t know.” he paused. “What about him?” echoing what she just said.
He was going to drive himself crazy-no, no, she was going to drive him crazy.
Even though they hadn’t talked about it, the conversation of their relationship or lack there of- was still heavy on his mind. He had tried bringing the subject back up the next day, but that had been impossible with the fact that he had not been able to get a moment alone with her. Hell, he had even tried bringing it up, later that night when they had all gone out, but she didn’t want to hear anything about it. Every time he brought it up, she would shut him up with one of her kisses…
And then they had spent five days apart when he had flown out to New York. In those five days, they had only talked once. Not because they didn’t want to, but because they both had been busy.
She shut her laptop, and pulled her legs up to the couch. “His name is David.” was all she offered.
And now there was this-David.
He had only been gone for five days and there was a David. But he didn’t care of course. Because it wasn’t anything new. He had done it before. They would be apart for awhile and somehow, someone else would come along and that was that. And they would both be fine with it. That’s when each knew it was time to go back to being friends. It was twisted, but it worked.
“Do you like him?” he blurted out.
“J- I’ve only known him for a few days.” she said, reaching for a plush pillow and pulling it close to her chest.
Justin nodded. “Good, I thought it was for a week…” he muttered.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she paused as if trying to understand. After a minute she seemed to understand. “Your jealous.” It was statement not a question. She pulled herself up, so she was sitting on her knees, and looking straight into his eyes. “You’ve never gotten jealous before…” An amused look came over her face.
He couldn’t help himself, he leaned in close, and brushed his lips over hers in a fierce kiss. He heard a low sigh escape her lips. After a few minutes he pulled away. “I was gone for a week Nic.”
She pulled completely away from him. “What does that have to do with anything?” she asked. Her nose wrinkling. “You’ve been gone for three, even two days and I’ve never demanded an explanation when you come back talking about someone new. Why should this be different?”
“It’s not-”
She narrowed her eyes. “Really? Because its not what it sounds like to me.” a hint of annoyance in her voice. “There’s no attachment here Justin. Don’t forget.”
“How could I forget.” he said dryly.
Nicole gave him a look, and pulled herself up from the couch. “I don’t want to do this again-”
But before she was to far from his reach, he reached out for her, taking a hold of her elbow. “No.”
“Let go of me.” she demanded.
Justin wasn’t listening to her, he just pulled her back down to him. “Why is it so hard to believe that I want to be with you?” he asked. “Because if you haven’t notice its driving me nuts not knowing who this David is, and what he is to you…”
He let go of her elbow, but she stayed put. “I barely know him.” she answered.
“But you want to get to know him.” he guessed.
She met his gaze but didn’t say anything.
“I just want you to be happy Nic.” moving a strand of her loose hair behind her ear. “As crazy as you drive me….” he trailed off. “That’s all I want for you.”
“Good. Then we can drop this.” she stated.
No, he didn’t want to drop it. He wanted to get to the bottom of why she wouldn’t give it a chance.
She must have seen the look on his face because she frowned and asked in a uncertain voice. “We are dropping it right?”
Justin reached out for her, pulling her to him. Before she could open her mouth to speak, he covered his mouth with hers once again. He leaned back against the couch , their mouths still connected in a deep kiss.
He felt her shiver as the palm of his hand rubbed the back of her neck. He wanted to kiss her into oblivion if that was possible. He wanted to show her, he was the only one that could cause her to shiver, to moan, to cause those butterflies in her stomach…
Finally, he broke away from her lips.
“What are you trying to do?” she said trying to catch her breath. She pressed her lips together.
He lifted himself up slightly. “Trying to prove a point.” he stated, his thumb gently outlining her lower lip.
She swallowed. “And what point is that?” she managed to ask.
“That this isn’t just another rebound-” he told her. “That I want this for real.” He stroked the side of her cheek with his thumb. “Cant you see that Nic?”
She licked her lower lip nervously and didn’t respond.
Justin pulled her back to him, their faces inches away. Their lips met again, but that time it was Nicole who leaned in. He felt her pull away after a few moments.
“Your amazing Nicole…” he blurted out. “This isn’t something out of the blue.” He found himself wanting to kiss her lips again. His kisses had caused them to look almost swollen…It made him want to kiss her even more.
She was still on her knees on the couch, as she shifted, leaning in close again. “Justin…” trailing off.
“We have an arrangement…there’s not supposed to be any strings attached.“ She swallowed nervously.
“I’m supposed to be the rebound and then your supposed to get tired-”
Justin grabbed her face and pulled her toward him. Kissing her again. He wasn’t going to give up so easily.
“You-” she started, pushing herself away from his mouth. “You cant- you cant continue to do that-” Looking wide eyed at him. For a few minutes neither one said a word, they just stared.
Finally she spoke up. “I cant. We cant.”
“Why not?” he pushed.
Nicole nervously pressed the palm of her hand on his chest. “Because…because its you.” Before he had the chance to ask what she meant, she continue. “What we do is fine, spending time together…and everything else. Because I know that at the end of the day, there’s no pressure. There’s no label. And I like that. I like being with you that way.”
He shivered as he felt her fingertips absently make light circles across his chest.
“What makes you think things will change?” he asked, covering her hand with his.
“Because it does. We both know it does. Because I know as soon as we put some label on us, as soon as we say were a ‘couple’ or in a ‘relationship’ everything between us will change.” She continued to look wide eyed at him. “ I don’t want that Justin. I don’t. Not with you. You’re my best friend.”
“And your mine Nicole.” Lifting himself up once again to kiss her.
“And its you.” she said into his mouth. He broke away from slightly. She must have seen the look of confusion in his eyes because she continued. “I don’t trust myself-” she stopped as if trying to collect her thoughts. “I know what love is, and I know it can cause pain…” She stopped once again. “And I know deep down…somehow loosing you would be ten times worse Justin.” She held his gaze.
He didn’t blink. He wasn’t sure of what to say. But after a long pause he spoke. “Baby- I cant promise you-”
She shook her head. “J, I know you cant promise me that, and I’m not asking you to. But I just rather not take that chance. And if that makes me a coward then so be it. But I don’t think I could do it.”
He took her hand and pulled it up to his lips. He understood what she meant. But he wanted her.
She sniffed, blinking back the tears. “Its not that I don’t want to. It just scares me J. Because I know I would completely loose myself with you. Even now, I sometimes catch myself doing it-but I’m able to detach myself because I know that at the end there’s no strings attached. But having you, I mean truly having you…”
Everything she was telling him, he understood. Because truth was, it had crossed his mind as well. But he didn’t care. He was willing to take that chance.
“Don’t you think I’ve thought about that?” he asked her. “Because I have. But I don’t care. I want to be that one constant person in your life Nicole. I want to be the one you come to…I want-”
She leaned in once again. “Don’t you see J?” she whispered. “You are. No matter what, you are that person to me.” cupping his face in her hands. He shut his eyes, as her lips touched his forehead. “Baby…”
He lifted his head up, looking eyes with her. “There’s nothing I can do or say to change your mind is there?”
She only shook her head no.
Justin hesitantly stroked her hair. “I can have you…” he swallowed. “I just cant have you for the rest of my life.” It was a statement not a question.
Nicole let out a shaky sigh. “We can end it right now. I mean truly end it…no more arrangements. Just us going back to friends-”
That time it was him who shook his head no. He knew, he should. It was the right thing to do. For the both of them. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t bare the idea of never being able to kiss her again, or touch her…
He had a feeling things could have been different if he hadn’t messed up those years ago…
He was just going to have to try and go back to the way things were. He could do that.
He cupped her face with his palms, planting another kiss on her mouth. He should give her up, completely. He was wasting his time…doing it again. But he knew deep down, having her for just a moment, was better than not having her at all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Present
Justin walked behind Nicole and shut the front door behind him. He glanced the front entrance of the house. OK, so there was defiantly work that needed to be done, but it wasn’t anything that couldn’t be
fixed.
He had to try and convince her out of trying to sell it. He knew she had looked everywhere for the perfect house and the one they were standing in was just that for her. A 2 bedroom little cottage by the beach, just like she always wanted. Ever since he could remember her dream was to own a little house by the beach.
The floors were half done, he follow her as she made her way into the kitchen. “Its not so bad Nic.” he offered. “Just make a few phone calls and you’ll have contractors to finish…” The kitchen seemed to be the only place that looked half way finish
She tossed her purse onto the marble counter and gave him a frown. “That’s the thing J- I don’t even have the energy to do that. I mean I started to…but at the end it didn’t even seem worth it.”
Justin could only stare. He must have heard wrong.
“Don’t look at me that way.” she mumbled.
He cleared his throat. “Are you going to tell me what the hell is going on?”
Justin realized right at that moment that they really hadn’t sat down and talked in weeks. He had been so busy with the tour and with Jessica… He forgotten how much he missed his conversations with her. Nicole was a part of his life many people didn’t know about. And even some that were in his circle didn’t really know who she was, and that was because she had a life of her own. She did her own thing. Followed what was right for her. And he admired that about her.
“C’mon Nic. What’s bothering you?” he pushed.
She glanced over at him through those long lashes, as she reached for a bar stool to sit in. “I don’t know.” she mumbled, her fingers absently running across the marble countertop
He followed her lead and sat himself right across from her. He folded his arms on top of the counter. “Lucky for you I have nothing plan for the rest of the day…so I guess we’ll be staying here for awhile…”
She raised her eyebrow at him and snorted. “You‘ll be staying here-”
“Nicole.”
“What?” she said. “Trust me, talking to me right now will just depress you…” trailing off.
It was his time to snort. “Bull shit, there’s nothing you can tell me that can make me feel that way, I’ve been through the worse with you.” he teased.
She wrinkled her nose at him but didn’t reply. Instead her eyes glanced around the kitchen. “The kitchen doesn’t look so bad…”
Okay, so she wasn’t ready to talk about what was really bothering her. He knew better than to push, eventually she would spill it.
He agreed. “It doesn’t. And neither will the rest of the house….” Giving her a hopeful smile.
Smirking she answered. “You obviously haven’t seen the rest of the house.”
“Then what are you waiting for? Shit, if you want, I can get some people up here to finish the job.” he offered.
“Thanks.” she said giving him a small smile.
She looked almost sad, he had never seen her that way. Now he felt guilty.
He hadn’t necessary been around lately. Yes, he had tour, but he had those before and he had always time to talk to her…even if it was for a minute. He liked to think Nicole was the only other woman beside his mother who he could truly turn to. It wasn’t something he went around sharing, in fact no one knew that. And deep down he knew it was wrong. He knew it made him sound like he didn’t trust the women he dated. He did trust them…but his mother was well his mother and Nicole was Nicole. It was hard to explain. But it was nice to have someone the media didn’t know about. Truly didn’t know anything about.
Besides didn’t everyone have a someone they could truly be honest with? It wasn’t just him, he was sure.
He glanced back at her. “I know I’ve been busy…and I’m sorry, but I’m not a mind reader Nicky-”
She gave a confuse look. “J-I know your busy. It has nothing to do with that. Dear god, I’ve seen your schedule and I’m not demanding anything.” she paused. “ Besides shouldn’t that be done by the girlfriend?” she teased.
Justin frowned.
“I’m kidding. I like Jessica. Really.” she said quickly with a light smile.
He narrowed his eyes at her. “Stop trying to change the subject.” Because it was exactly what she was trying to do. Trying to get him off track and start talking about Jessica, so he wouldn’t continue to push about what was bothering her.
“Talk to me Nicole. You used to be able to do that.” he stated.
Her smile faded slightly. “I can still talk to you J…” she paused. “I’ll always be able to talk to you…” her last comment almost a whisper.
He couldn’t help but smile. “Good.”
The smile returned to her face. “Feel better now?” she asked dryly
Nodding, he replied in the same dry tone. “Much.”
“I’m glad I could help.” she said rolling her eyes.
“If your trying to stall,” he started. “Its not working. Eventually I’m going to drag whatever the hell is bothering you.”
“You really are annoying you know…” she mumbled, getting up from the stool.
He ignored her last comment and asked. “It has to do with more than school? “ Locking eyes with her. She didn’t reply, but her eyes were enough. “Its not even about the house…” he said trailing of.
Once again, her eyes gave him the answers. It was amazing what a look could tell him, even after all these years. He watched her pace back and forth in front of him.
She stopped her pacing for a brief moment and chewed her lower lip nervously. “I don’t even know how to explain it…I don’t even know if you’ll understand-” she paused. “Fuck, I don’t even know if I understand it…”
“Try me. You know I have the answers to everything.” he joked with a grin.
She gave a short laugh, after a moment she blurted out. “What I’m doing? I mean really.”
“What do you mean?”
She sat back down. “I keep doing all these things…that I think will make me happy…but at the end of the day-I don’t think I’m. Justin, for the first time in my life, I don’t have or want the energy to fight for anything.” she swallowed. “What does that say about me?” she sniffed, blinking back her tears.
Justin could only watch her carefully and listen.
She looked at him, a tear rolling down her cheek. “I feel like, I’ve done enough fighting…”she paused. “At first I thought it was just the stress of school and the house, but I know its not that. But I know that’s what life is about.” she looked over at him. She gave him a small smile. “You know what? Forget it. I’m just babbling-” standing right back up.
Justin grabbed her elbow. “Your not babbling Nicole. You think I don’t have those days? Your not human if you haven’t felt that way. And your right, you shouldn’t have to continue to fight, because I’ve seen you fight to hell and back, not once, but twice. But you’ve done it. And as tired you may feel or get about it we both know you wouldn’t have it any other way. I know you Nicole, and you love the challenge. You love being able to prove and fight. Its who you are.”
“But I don’t feel that way right now. I don’t.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. “ she whispered. “I honestly don’t know.”
Story Tags: friendsturnedlovers
