I’m There Too

Present

Nicole jumped in surprise when she heard Rachael’s voice a few feet away from her. “Have you even left the house today?” Nicole wrinkled her nose as Rachael placed her Prada bag on the kitchen table, along with her car keys and sunglasses. Rachael sat down in the empty chair and raised her eyebrow at Nicole. “Please tell me you have.”

Nicole shook her head. “I have. For a little while.” glancing back down at her textbook, hoping Rachael wouldn’t see the guilt in her eyes. Because she was feeling guilty. In fact she felt more than guilty, she felt horrible. She knew kissing Justin had been wrong. Dear God, he had a girlfriend, and she had Chase. Chase who seemed to be falling into the boyfriend category. They had been spending a lot of time together, and whenever they were together they acted like a couple even if they hadn’t discussed it yet.

“I don’t believe you.” Rachael stated.

Nicole looked up at her friend, and was met with a doubtful look. “What? I have.” Nicole said in a defensive tone. “You can ask Justin.” she blurted out. Shit. Why had she said that? Especially since Rachael knew about the kiss in Mexico. Nicole would have been content keeping it quiet, but Rachael had caught on that something had happen between them the next morning when she had found Nicole sitting alone. Nicole hadn’t been able to lie about it, and had told Rachael about it. Thinking back to it, Nicole was glad to have someone to talk about it with. Especially since she hadn’t talked to Justin about it.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and continued as innocently as possible. “He dragged me out of the house.” Then we ended up kissing out in the backyard. She added to herself silently. Again.

Rachael gave Nicole a curious look. “Did you guys finally talk?” Okay, so Rachael had caught on to her outburst.

“Rach-” Nicole started.

“Don’t Rach me.” she said with a small frown. “You two have been avoiding the conversation for the past two weeks.”

“We haven’t been avoiding anything!” Nicole exclaimed. “We’ve both been busy.”

Rachael waved her hand. “Fine. Okay.” she narrowed her eyes. “But did you talk about it today? Seeing that you guys finally got to be alone?” Nicole let out a large breath, as she looked anywhere but at Rachael. “Don’t even Nicole.” she threaten. “What happened?”

Nicole cleared her throat. “Its complicated Rachael. You know that.”

Rachael’s eyed widen and she gasped. “Something more than talking happened didn’t it?”

Nicole bit on her lower lip as she nervously reached out for the pen on the table and sighed again. “Please don’t say anything.” she pleaded.

“Why would I do that?” Rachael asked. “C’mon Nicky, I know I give you crap for it. But I wouldn’t do that.” giving her a friend a sympathetic look.

Nicole gave her a small smile. “Thank you.”

“What happened?” Rachael repeated.

Nicole pressed her lips together, shrugging. “I-I don’t know.” she stammered. “Before I realized it, I was wrapped in his arms and we were kissing…” trailing off as she replayed the moments from earlier in her head. She didn’t know how long the kiss had gone on for, but it had been amazing. It had made her feel a little more alive. It had stirred those feelings she kept hidden for a reason. Emotions that could only be resurface by Justin.

Rachael shook her head. “I don’t get you two.”

Nicole blinked. She hadn’t expected that kind of response from her. “What?”

“Exactly what I just said. I don’t get it.” she started.

It was Nicole’s turn to shake her head. “What do you mean?”

Rachael took in a deep breath and leaned back against her chair. “Nicky, you two have this so quote on quote arrangement-”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“It has everything to do with it!” Rachael exclaimed. “You make it seem as if feelings are not going to get attach.” Nicole opened her mouth, but Rachael continued. “You two keep running from each others feelings-” she stopped. “No, I take that back. You both keep running from your own feelings.”

“What?” Nicole protested. “That’s not true. We’ve done that Rachael. We’ve tried it. More than once.” she reminded. “You’ve seen where it leads. That’s why we don’t go back to it.”

Rachael let out a short laugh. “That’s where you’re wrong sweetie. You keep going back to it, but you try to mask it with the idea that all it is, is sex.” Rachael looked over at her oldest friend. “I’ve seen the both of you together. And I see the way he still looks at you when he thinks no one is watching, and I see the way you look at him.”

She took in a shaky breath. “Its not that easy…” she whispered. It wasn’t. She knew how she felt about Justin. Feelings like that just didn’t go away. They were always there. Kind of like white noise, or the secret service. It was just something she was used to, but it scared her sometimes.

“Why? Because he’s with someone else? Because you’re with someone else?” she asked.

“Yes.” Nicole answered, tears welling up in her eyes. “And he loves her.” sniffling. “And why shouldn’t he? She’s great. I’m not about to be that woman Rachael.”

Rachael let out a sigh. “And you’re not going to be. You want to know why?” she asked her. “Because he’ll find something wrong. Maybe not with her exactly, but just with the relationship itself. And it may not be right at this moment, but he will. He’ll decide that its not going where he thought it would and they’ll break up. Because that’s what he does. He did it with that girl Danielle when we were younger. He would have done it with Britney if had the chance.” she looked up at Nicole with a small grin. “And I know he loved her and he thought of marrying her, but deep down he knew it wasn’t right.” she paused before she continued. “And he did it with Cameron. Because even though he loved them, it‘s not what he‘s looking for.” she paused once again. “Because he already knows what he wants, and its you. Just like you want him. But you guys will go back to your so-call arrangement until one of you realizes that you’re too scared to truly give in to each others feelings…” trailing off for a moment. “Then either you or him will purposely find someone new and then do it again.” she stated. This time when Rachael looked over at her friend, tears formed in her eyes. “Nicky, don’t you get it? What you guys share is amazing. I’ve been around it, it goes beyond friendship and love and marriage. Do you have any idea how many of us out here are looking for what you have?”

“Rachael-” Nicole started again. She had never heard Rachael talk this way and deep down she knew Rachael was right.

Rachael shook her head. “See?” she stated with a short laugh. “You have me in tears you bitch.” she wiped the tears away. “What I’m trying to say is that people would kill to have what you and Justin share. Including myself.” she locked eyes with her friend. “But you both keep going round and round with each other. And that’s what I don’t understand. Tell me,” she started. “What happens when one of you decides to settle? Hmm? Settle for someone you think is the right person because you’re too scared? Then what?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2002

Virginia Beach

Justin shut the car door behind him, and put the hood over his head, glancing over his shoulder one more time to make sure no one had spotted him or followed him. He could never be too sure anymore. Lately the damn paparazzi followed him around more than before. He frowned to himself as he shoved his hands into the hoodie’s pocket, he knew a lot of the reason for it was because of the whole Britney situation. No-he knew that was the reason. What was the fascination anyway? They dated, it didn’t work out so they broke up. But the damn papers and gossip magazines were making it sound worse than what it really was.

Whatever. It was over. There was no need to dwell on it. Even if it still fucking stung a little.

He looked around, thankful to see the beach almost empty. It was a little past six in the afternoon the only people that seemed to be around now were the locals. He stepped unto the beach stairs that lead toward the beach itself. He glanced up and saw the clouds moving slowly above him as he continued to walk. He couldn’t help but smile to himself, gazing up. Enjoying the view ahead of him. The sky was overcast but he liked it for some reason. Summer was around the corner, and the breeze from the water was still a bit colder than what he expected.

He had been in the studio all day, writing and recording new material for the album, which him and The Neptunes had been working on for the past month. He had been in Virginia now for little over a week now and he had to admit he was enjoying the slow pace. It was definably giving him different ideas and inspirations for his music.

He stopped for a brief moment, his eyes scanning the beach for her. He knew she was there. Probably sitting on a blanket reading one of her books. They hadn’t talked all day, he had called her right after he had left the studio but she hadn’t picked up her phone. He had called her again 15 minutes later and she still hadn’t picked up. He had a gut feeling the reason why she hadn’t returned his phone call was because she was still upset about the conversation they had that morning before he had left for the studio.

Justin frowned slightly has he thought back to the conversation. He still didn’t understand why she was fighting what she felt. She could try and deny it all she wanted, but he knew better. Why else would she have gotten so upset that Britney kept calling and leaving him messages? Justin shook his head lightly before his eyes went back to scanning the beach for her. He walked down the steps, his feet hitting the sand, as his eyes continued to search for her. He turned left and continue to walk, every once giving a small nod to people who looked at him wide eyed when they realized who it was. Thankfully no one bothered to stop him or talk to him. Maybe he was giving the vibe that today was probably not the best day to ask for autographs. Not that he minded giving any, but he wasn’t really in the mood to talk to anyone, at least not anyone that wasn’t Nicole.

Justin had been walking for about fifteen minutes when he finally spotted her. He chuckled to himself. Just like he had predicted, she sat alone on a blanket facing the ocean, in a pair of Capri jeans and hoodie, hair down and reading a book. He stood about 10 feet away, debating with himself whether or not he wanted to approach her. He watched as she flipped a page of her book, and glanced up for a second to look out into the water, as her hand absently placed a strand of hair behind her ear. He saw a small smile tug on her lips as she continued to look out into the ocean. Justin didn’t need to ask why she was smiling. It was written all over her face.

He knew Nicole felt content sitting right where she was. He knew she was feeling happy right at that moment looking out into the large waters. She loved the ocean and every time she got around it, she would end up doing the same, sit and watch the waves for hours by herself. He teased her sometimes, telling her she should have been born a fish instead.

Nicole would look at him with those brown eyes of hers and reply. “What other place can you sit and feel small, but still dream?”

Justin glanced away from her for a second, following her gaze from afar, looking out into the water and watching the waves crashed against each other. Justin blinked a few times, realizing for the first time her answer made sense. He was seeing the ocean through her eyes and it made sense. He now got what she meant. How did she do that with him? How was she able to show and teach him things through her eyes and make it look so much more beautiful? He glanced back over at her and swallowed the lump in his throat. “Deep down you know why.” said a voice in the back of his head.

Nicole absently turned her head in his direction for a split moment, ready to turn her attention back to the water but stopped abruptly when she saw him standing there. He locked eyes with her and walked toward her. “Hi.” he greeted.

She looked up at him, her book in her lap. “Hi.” she paused for a second. “What are you doing here?” she asked, a few of strands of hair blowing in front of her face.

Justin gave a small shrug, “I was on my way back to the hotel from the studio, and I decided to stop by to check out the beach before heading back…” trailing off. He cleared his throat. “May I?” he asked, giving a small nod to the space next to her.

She gave a small wrinkle of her nose but didn’t say a word, as she moved a little to let him sit next to her on the blanket. “I thought the recording studio was a block from the hotel?” she questioned, focusing her attention back to the ocean in front of her.

He chuckled. “So? I just wanted to come and check it out…” bringing his knees up, and wrapping his arms around them.

“Liar.” she stated. “Why are you really here?” she asked him, giving him a quick glance.

Justin gave her an innocent look, tilting his head slightly. “The same reason why you are here.” he told her without missing a beat. “Have you been out here all afternoon?” he asked changing subjects and gazing out into the water as well. Watching the waves as they crashed against each other.

She turned and looked at him, frowning. “You’re out here for the same reason as me?” she repeated, ignoring his other question about how long she had been out there.

Justin gave a small nod. “Yep.” a small grin on his features. “Is that so hard to believe?” His eyes locking on her pretty face. Loving the way her nose scrunched up at his question, making his stomach flutter with the damn butterflies. He closed his eyes and sighed. “Okay, fine…” he started. “I had a feeling you would be here after you didn’t return any of my calls.”

She raised her eyebrow at him. “You came that conclusion because I didn’t call you back?”

He shook his head. “Actually I came to that conclusion after I talked to Rachael and she told me that you told her, you were going to go check out some of the antique shops near by. We all know that’s just a cover up to where you like to end up.” he teased.

A small smile tugged on her lips. “Shut up.” closing the book in her lap. Neither one said a word for a few moments. Finally Nicole spoke up first. “I don’t have my phone, that’s why I didn’t return your calls.” tugging on the sleeves of her hoodie so they covered her hands. “I left it back in the car.”

“I figured you were still upset from this morning.” he murmured. “And that’s why you were avoiding my calls.” he finished truthfully.

She looked over at him, rubbing her cheek with the sleeve of her hoodie and sighed. “J-”

Justin interrupted her. “I know what your going to say.”

“You do?”

He nodded. “Yep.” he answered simply.

She gave him a long look. “What was I going to say?”

Justin gave her a smug look. “Something along the lines about us having an arrangement and how we should just leave it as that.” he raised an eyebrow. “I’ am getting close?” he asked but didn’t wait for answer instead he continued. “And about how we shouldn’t ruin a good thing. Why make it complicated? When we have it made.” he paused. “Did I get it right?”

Nicole glanced away from him and focused her attention back to the water, he heard her let out a shaky breath. “Justin…” she started.

He licked his dry lips and slipped the hoodie off his head, resting his hands back on his knees. “I thought a lot about it…and maybe you are right.” he concluded, his gaze locked on her face, curious to see her reaction. She faced him again, meeting his eyes. The look in her eyes telling him, she was confused at his conclusion. He continued. “I know what I want. And I know you want it too, but at the same time I don’t want to ruin us-” He was interrupted when Nicole’s soft lips touched his. Cupping his chin with one hand as she kissed him sweetly.

She broke the kiss after a few moments, still cupping his chin, her thumb stroked the side of his cheek, giving him a weak smile she whispered. “Its like I said: Why make it complicated? We have it made.” Repeating what he had just said a few moments ago. Pressing her lips together she asked. “Right?”

Justin couldn’t help but laugh under his breath. “Right.” agreeing with her. And knowing that it was the end of the conversation. Anyone else would ask why they did what they did. But Justin and Nicole had an understanding. It might not be an understanding that everyone else got, but that didn’t matter. They understood it. Justin reached out and cupped her face with both of his hands, leaning down to kiss her softly. He shifted to get in a more comfortable position and then kissed only her bottom lip which made her entire body tingle. She slowly pulled away just to look at him again. They could see in each other’s eyes that they were both feeling the same thing. It was always there whenever they kissed. Whenever they were around each other.

Nicole sucked in a large breath before speaking. “How today go in the studio?” Changing subjects.

“Hmm?” he murmured. With both hands still holding her face, he put his lips against hers and really kissed her. He slipped his tongue inside her mouth and that’s when she completely lost it. She kissed him back with everything she had and moaned in his mouth which seemed to fuel him even more. Tongues were intertwined and their breathing changed and he held her tighter. They knew it was dangerous to be kissing in public but when their mouths touched nothing seemed to matter.

“Justin.”

“Hmm?” he breathed.

“I asked how things went in the studio today.” she repeated, breaking from his lips.

He gave her lips one last peck before pulling away from her. “Good. We got in about 3 or 4 songs” he answered with a light smile. Not able to keep his gaze away from her face. “Damn, you look so cute right now.” he blurted out. He knew it sounded corny but she just did, sitting there next to him in a pair of Capri jeans and hoodie, her hair blowing in her face due to the wind.

She gave him a small smile. “Thanks, I think.” absently touching the side of his mouth with her fingertips. “You look pretty cute yourself sometimes.” Justin couldn’t help but chuckle as he reached for her hand, and tangled his fingers with hers, bringing it down to his lap. Silence hit them again as they looked out into the water. Nicole rubbed her thumb softly on the inside of Justin’s palm. “Do you feel like you’re almost done?” she asked after a few moments.

“Yeah.” he answered, knowing she was referring to the album. “We’ve recorded a lot of material so its going to be hard trying to decide what should make it on the album.” He paused. “I’m just anxious to put it out there so everyone can hear it.” he told her.

Nicole continued to softly rub the inside of the his palm. “You nervous?”

“A little.” Justin answered truthfully. “I know a lot of people have all these expectations of what its going to sound like…”

She grinned knowingly at him. “Its going to sound great J. I know it.” She paused. “And yes I’ am biased.”

Justin smiled back, giving her hand a light squeeze. “You are?”

Nicole nodded. “Hmm. Hmm. And I’m okay with that.”

“I’m okay with that too.” he said jokingly.

“Good.” Nicole started, leaning in, pressing her nose against his. “For the record, I would buy your album regardless if it did good or not.” scrunching her nose up at him.

Justin tossed his head back and laughed. “Thanks babe.” She responded with a huge grin on her face and a breezy kiss on the cheek. He smiled. Thankful for her. Thankful that she was a part of one what he considered to be a huge step in his career. Especially since a little part of him still felt a bit insecure about doing this all by himself. He had been so used to having his four best friends with him in the studio and on stage, but now it was just going to be him.

“You’re going to be great.” she informed him as if reading his mind.

“Really?”

Nicole nodded. “Uh, uh. I see millions of albums sold-by yourself. Concert sell outs- by yourself. And even more screaming girls to fawn over you.” Raising an eyebrow at him. “But you know what the best part?”

Everyone around him had told him the same thing. Told him that he was going to do good. That he had nothing to worry about, and he believed it. But it always nice to hear it from Nicole. He somehow found himself believing it more. “What?”

“Everyone is finally going to see the musician that you are.” she nudged his side with her elbow. “So just get ready to enjoy it all. You deserve it Justin. You’ve worked your ass off to get here.”

Justin grinned wickedly down at her. “Thanks. I don’t need a damn publicist.” he joked. “You can be my personal cheerleader, I’m not going to lie I’m so picturing you in a hot little cheerleader outfit right now. Your ass cheeks hanging out in a pair of hot pants… ”

Nicole rolled her eyes at him. “You pervert.”

But Justin wasn’t done, he licked his lower lip. “Hmm, screw the hot pants, I’m thinking just the short short skirt, nothing underneath that way I can just bend you over-”

Nicole gave him a long glare. “You are sick.” interrupting before he finished his sentence.

He chuckled and answered. “That’s not being sick that’s just being honest.” rubbing the knuckles of her hand with other hand.

She wrinkled her nose. “Yeah, yeah.” frowning lightly, but still rubbing the inside of his palm with her thumb.

“So…” he started. Nicole looked over at him, tilting her head slightly, waiting patiently for him to continue. “How long have you been out here? Hmm?” he asked, giving her a knowing smile. He glanced up at the sky and furrowed his eyebrows together when he saw the sky getting darker. “It looks like its going to rain.” He glanced back at her. “Maybe we should head back.”

Nicole shook her head. “No. Not yet.” she protested. “It hasn’t started raining yet.”

Justin shook his head as he chuckled to himself. “And even if there was rain, I don’t see you leaving.” untangling his fingers from hers, and wrapping one arm around her shoulder to pull her body closer to his.

She rested her head on his shoulder and murmured. “It’s just so peaceful…” Justin stroked her hair. “I don’t know what it is, but I really could stay out here all day…” she whispered.

“I know.” Justin said. “I’ve never seen anyone look so content sitting out here.”

Nicole lifted her head back up to lock eyes with him. “You don’t have to stay out here with me.” she told him. She moaned when his lips brushed against hers.

He broke away, kissing the top of her head. “I don’t mind staying out here with you Nic.” he murmured into her hair. He heard her let out a sigh of pure satisfaction. “We might have to eventually go back.” he reminded. “Rachael and Trace will sent out a search party.” he joked.

She stood up and laughed. “I wouldn’t put it past them.” slipping her flip-flops off. “C’mon.” reaching her hand out to him.

He raised an eyebrow at her. “What are you doing?” he asked, but stood up as well. She didn’t answer, instead took his hand in hers and began to lead him toward the water. He stopped abruptly, and reached out for her, wrapping one arm around her waist, pressing her body against his. She gasped in surprise. “What are we doing?” he repeated.

“Talking a walk.” she said simply with a grin.

“We are not getting into the water.” he warned.

“I know.” Nicole answered. She frowned when she saw the doubtful look on his face. “I promise.” she said.

He smirked. “Then why did you take off your flip-flops?”

Nicole planted a small kiss on the tip of his nose. “I like to walk barefoot on the sand.” she explained innocently.

Justin leaned back in and touched his mouth with hers. The kiss lasted for a few more moments then Justin broke away, his hand behind her neck and narrowed his eyes. “No water.” he warned again.

Her eyes danced mischievously. “I know.”

He continued to stare for a few extra moments. A feeling of overwhelming love and admiration hitting him as his eyes scanned her face. He sighed and blurted out. “You know how I feel about you right?” Wanting for her to understand how important she was to him.

Nicole took in a deep breath, as she pressed her forehead against his. “I know J. You don’t have to tell me.” she paused. “You want to know why?”

“Why?” he asked, his hand leaving the back of her neck and trailing down to the small of her back. His hand gently rubbing softly on her.

She gave him a knowing smile before answering. “Because it’s the same way I feel about you.”