Chapter 18

Wish You Were Here

Present

“What are you doing out here in this weather?” Justin said making his way up the stairs of the back porch of her mom‘s house. “Its freezing out girl.” he stated, standing a few feet away from her.

Nicole glanced up from her book at the sound of his voice. “I didn’t hear your car.” closing her book and wrapping the blanket tighter around her body. Slowly swinging back and forth on the porch swing. “And its not so bad. You’re just a baby.” she teased.

Justin zipped his black WilliamRast jacket all the way up. “No. You’re just nuts. And I walked over here.” placing his hands into the coat pockets. “What are you doing out here?” he repeated. Leaning back against covered porch.

She gave him a weird look. “You walked over here?” she repeated. “And I’m nuts?” she asked him with a shake of her head.

“What? Its only a block.” he said defensively. “Its fucking cold and you are sitting out here reading a damn book.” he stated in amazement and a shake of his head.

Nicole frowned up at him. “I swear living in LA has made you into such a pussy.” she joked. Thanksgiving, and Christmas had come and gone, but Nicole, along with Trace, Rachael and Justin were still in Memphis. It was great to be home for a few days. She sometimes forgot how much Memphis was truly home. “What would your daddy say?” she asked mockingly.

Justin scrunched his nose in a mocking way. “Ha.” he said sarcastically, sticking his hand out of the jacket pocket to give her the finger.

“I hope that makes you feel like a man.” Nicole retorted with a light smirk, sliding a little to her left as Justin made his way toward the swing, sitting next to her as his feet began to gently move the swing. “What? No comeback?” she asked him teasingly nudging him with her elbow before snuggling more into her blanket.

Justin met her gaze. “I don’t even know why I bother.”

She grinned widely at him. “I don’t know why you do either.”

“I don’t know why I take the abusement.” he murmured loud enough for her to purposely hear.

Nicole continued grinning. “Oh you love it. It wouldn’t be the same if I couldn’t do it.” leaning back against the swing, letting his feet do the moving. “I just don’t let you get away with shit like everyone else does.” she reminded.

“I don’t even know why the hell I came over here for.” he said in a hurt tone, yet glaring up at her. His feet still gently moving forward and back. She was a pain in the ass, but for the most part she was right. Maybe not exactly right about him loving the verbal abusement , but he loved that she was in his life. He could NOT see her in his life. Things wouldn’t be the same if she wasn’t in it. She had and always would be one of the constant people he could rely on. Even if half of the time they spent their time arguing and bickering…

“I told you-you like it.” she joked.

Justin shook his head as he said. “You know we could do this all day…” trailing off, his eyes dancing as they met with hers again.

Nicole wrinkled her nose. “I know.” she answered back knowingly. “Its what we do.” she finished. She heard him let out a small chuckle. They continue to sway back and forth on the swing for a few minutes, neither one speaking as they looked out into the large backyard and large skies in front of them.

The backyard they had both grown up in along with Trace and Rachael. The backyard that still had the tree house Nicole’s dad had built back when they were seven years old.

Sometimes he forgot how much he missed the simplicity of the country. The easyness and calm his hometown held after so many years. He loved LA, but whenever he was home-even if it was for a few days he always felt like he could stop and truly take a deep breath and enjoy everything that was around him.

A at that moment, that was exactly how he felt. Like he could stop with all the craziness in his life and enjoy what was in front of him…and next to him…

He glanced over at Nicole from the corner of his eye. He didn’t share it with anyone-not even his mother-but Nicole was the other thing in his life that made him stop and truly breath. She didn’t realize it, but she had taught him many years ago, to not take things for granted. Because in a split moment it could be taken away without any explanation. There was no pretense with Nicole. She brought a calmness out of him that no other could.

She was his best friend. His Nic. And that was all that mattered.

“You know…I was really hoping for a white Christmas.” Nicole murmured, her eyes still looking out into the backyard.

Justin blinked back from his thoughts and chuckled. Every year they always seemed to have the same conversation about a white Christmas in Memphis. Every year she would absently ask him if he thought there was a possibility of snow.

“Why are you laughing?” she stated, a little hint of southern accent coming out. It was funny, home always brought out the accents in full force.

“I‘m not!” he answered defensively. “We have this conversation every year before or after Christmas.” he added quickly before she answered with some smart- ass remark.

She glanced at his direction, frowning. “We do not!”

Justin snorted back his laughter. “Yes, we do Nicole.”

A small smile began to form on her lips as she said. “So?” Knowing he was right.

Justin tossed his head back in laughter. “So…every year I tell you it probably wont snow or I tell you after Christmas to wish really hard and it might happen next year.” he said mockingly.

She poked him. “Jerk.” she paused. “It did snow this year…”

“Yea. Back in March! In spring!” he exclaimed. “The possibility of any snow for any Christmas in Memphis seems pretty slim Nic.” he stated. She frowned at him. He shook his head lightly. “What is with you and snow?” he asked her teasingly.

“Everyone wants a white Christmas Justin.” she stated as if it was blatantly obvious. “It would have been perfect to see one…” trailing off.

“You have seen one. Remember 3 years ago in Colorado? Plenty of snow there.” rubbing the top of her head and messing up her hair as he reminded her of the year Justin had flown out all the families to Colorado to celebrate Christmas and do some skiing. That had been a good Christmas. Then again any Christmas that he got to spend with his family was a good Christmas.

She slapped his hand away and said. “Yea. But it hasn’t happen at home.” trying her best to fix the top of her hair. “At least not in awhile.”

“It came close a couple of years back. Remember?” he stated, tugging on the end of the blanket that was wrapped around her body. “Share.” he demanded with a pout

She glared at him. “No.” she paused, tightening the blanket closer to her body. “But it didn’t.” she told him.

“That was a good Christmas…” he murmured, glancing back up at her with a grin. “A very good Christmas…” emphasizing the word very. She gave him a confused look for a split second, not sure of what he was talking about.

“What Christmas was that?” she absently asked her feet swiftly moving the swing back and forth.

“About six years ago..” Justin reminded her. He kept his eyes on her, waiting expectantly for a sassy response from that mouth of hers. “Don’t act you as if you don’t know…”

Nicole met his gaze, as she crinkled her nose. She knew what Christmas he was talking about. She was surprise he remembered it. It hadn’t been anything extraordinary-except for the fact that they had a lot of sex that Christmas. A lot. It had also been Justin’s first Christmas without Britney. And it had been the last Christmas Nicole and Justin had spent together. Whatever the ’together’ part meant. The idea of truly being with Justin had crossed her mind that Christmas. But she never told him how she felt. It was still fresh in her mind how he had wanted it. He had wanted to try things again. Start fresh. But she had been too scared to go there again with him. Of course it wouldn’t be the last time those thoughts would run through her head. The perfect example would be right after his relationship with Cameron had ended, the opportunity had presented itself again. The only difference was that time around she had been more than ready. And for a brief moment they both felt it. Both assuming it would lead them back to where they had began so many years ago…

But at the end-it hadn’t. At the end, it lead them back to what they were at that moment. Just friends.

Nicole blinked back to reality, moving her gaze from his face. “Wasn’t that year you broke your toe?” she asked innocently, eyeing him from the corner of her eye.

She felt his gaze, and felt his eyes narrowing down at her. “It didn’t stop you though.” he murmured under his breath.

Nicole didn’t skip a beat, meeting his eyes. “Me?!” she exclaimed in exasperated voice. She knew what he was talking about. “If I remember correctly it was the other way around.” she reminded coldly.

Justin chuckled lightly. “I knew you remembered.” he said smugly.

“What?” she asked confused.

He slipped his hands back into the jacket’s pocket before speaking again. “You, acting as if it had slipped your mind.” he told her.

She opened her mouth to respond, but then stopped herself as she broke away from his gaze. “What I remember,” she started without giving him a second glance. “was plenty of whinning.”

He mocked her by laughing. “Is that all you remember?”

Nicole slowly turned to face him again and glared. “What exactly do you want me to remember?” she asked challenging, raising her eyebrow expectantly.

“I asked first.” he shot back with grin.

Nicole rolled her eyes. He really was annoying sometimes. No, make that all the time. Sometimes she wondered how they stayed friends for this long. She heard him clear his throat and she knew that was his way of pushing her to talk. Fine. He wanted a response? She would give him a damn response. She took her hand out of the blanket and extended her hand out to him. “Hand me your phone.” she stated clearly.

He raised his eyebrow suspiciously. “What the hell for?” he asked, not missing a beat.

“So I can call your girlfriend.” she replied. “We can put her on speaker phone, that way you and me can reminisce about that wonderful Christmas.” She finished, wiggling her fingers out in front of his face.

He smacked her hand away and wrinkled his nose. “All right, all right. I get the picture.”

“You sure? I don’t mind doing it.” she told him smugly, wrapping the blanket back around her body. She loved it when she could beat him at his own game. It never got old. And maybe that’s why they were still friends after all these years. They were a lot more like than either one like to admit.

“You’ve made your damn point.” Justin mumbled.

She grinned widely up at him. “Good.”

Justin gave her a long look. And after a few minute of silence, he spoke up. “Bitch.” he murmured under his breath, loud enough for her to hear a small smile forming on his lips.

“Asshole.” Nicole retorded back without missing a beat, glaring.

They both knew that was the end of that conversation.

Neither one spoke for awhile after that. Instead Nicole lifted her legs up as Justin’s feet moved the swing back and forth. Justin gazed back out to the skies above him. The sun was almost down, but there was still a few rays of light sprawn over the sky. It reminded him of that Incubus song, “Wish You Were Here.”

Man, it had been too long since he had enjoyed a moment like this…

No worries about people hiding behind bushes, or his driveway to try and get a picture. Nobody yelling his name or asking him dumbass questions about when he was going to get married and shit. He moved his eyes from the sky for a moment, his eyes falling to the tree house 30 feet away from him. Justin smiled to himself, as he thought to all the fun times they had in that tree house when they were kids.

Breaking the silence Justin finally spoke up. “Can you still get in there?” nodding toward it.

“Get into what?”

“The tree house.”

Nicole giggled. “Yea.”

“No fucking way?”

Nicole nodded. “I can, but then I get scared.” she explained.

“You get scared?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“What?! I’m not that little girl anymore.” she explained.

He snorted. “You got that right. I’m surprise you can with your-” he stopped himself short. He was going to say her big ass-not that there was anything wrong with a big ass. Not in his book anyway.

“With my what Timberlake?” she challenged.

Justin shook his head. “Nothing.” smiling innocently at her. He could have continued but that would have led to another argument. Not that it wouldn’t be fun, but he knew where to draw the line. He knew which buttons to not push to not get him slapped. He smiled to himself. He might be an asshole but he wasn’t stupid…most of the time anyway.

“Good choice.” he heard her muttered.

He chuckled lightly. “What is there to be scared of?” he asked instead, trying to steer clear from the topics that could get him troube.

She looked back out to the tree house again. “That it will give in on me while I’m in there!” she exclaimed.

Justin tossed his head back and laughed. “That’s not gonna happen Nic.”

“Its not sturdy J. Trust me. I’ve been in there a few time. Its not.” she pointed out to it. “Daddy made that for kids, not for adults. I can see you, me, Trace and Rach trying to get in there now and Johnny having a damn heart attack as you roll into his office in a wheel chair and casts.” she joked.

Justin snorted as he pictured what he would look like covered in casts. “Johnny would shit his pants.”

“Yea. Then come after me.” she added with a smirk.

“Bullshit. That fucker loves you like a daughter. If anything he would come after me.” scrunching his face, and lifting his shoulder back, as he did his best Johnny impression: “What the fuck were you thinking Justin?!” he shook his head. “Then there would be Mom, and Dad.”

“Paul would only shake his head, while Lynn would fuss all over her baby.” Nicole mocked.

Justin glared. “No need to be jeolous.”

“Of what?” she asked. “My mommy would fuss all over me too if I ended up hurt. ” she told him sarcastically, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Haha…ha.” he responded dryly.

“Mom has said I could take it down if I wanted to…” she told him, the tone in her voice changing. “She keeps telling me there is no need for it to be up anymore…”

Justin looked down at her. “She said that?”

Nicole nodded. “Uh, uh.” her eyes meeting his blue orbs.

“I’m pretty sure someone can come out and do it.” he offered. “I mean, if that’s what she really wants.”

Nicole shivered underneath the blanket. Justin noticed, and slid closer to her. Hoping he could keep her warm with body heat. “Thanks.” she murmured. “It’s cold now.” He only rolled his eyes at her comment. She ignored the eye roll and absently hooked her covered arm through his, to keep herself warm.

“Just let me know. Maybe Dad and I can do it.” he offered. Getting back to the conversation at hand, feeling her rest her head on his arm.

He felt her shiver. “No.” she paused for a second. “I cant make myself take it down, even though she tells me that its okay.”

“You don’t think she means it?” he asked.

He heard her let out a sigh. “I think...I think a part of her does, but the other part doesn’t. Do you know what I mean?”

“Yeah.” he murmured into her hair, closing his eyes for a second to take in her sweet scent.

“So I wont.” she whispered, her body relaxing against him. “I know she likes looking out the kitchen window and seeing it. It’s silly, but its just another reminder of the things he did around the house. Even after all these years.”

“She says that?”

She shook her head slightly. “She doesn’t have to…”

It was weird to think that Nicole’s dad had died thirteen years ago. She had just turned twelve when he had died of a heart attack. No warning. It just happened. The day was pretty clear in his mind. He had flown back home from Florida for a few days to see his grandparents and his friends after being given a few days off from the tv show. His dad had dropped them off at the mall, and when he had picked them up two hours later, his dad had given Nicole the news about the sudden heart attack. He remembered how she had sat quietly in the back seat on the drive back. Looking out the window.

“What about you?” he murmured coming back to the present.

He felt her take in a deep breath. “What about me?”

“Do you want it taken down?” leaning back down, resting his chin lightly on the top of her head.

“No.” she said in a low whisper.

Without thinking, he kissed the top of her head. “You like seeing it out the window too.” he stated.

He felt her give a small nod underneath his chin. “I know its sounds silly.”

“It doesn’t.” he assured her. “I miss him too. We all do.”

“Somedays I feel guilty. I don’t even see his face anymore.” she confessed. “I mean I think about him everyday, but after awhile his face is only a blur. I feel like I’m forgetting him if I cant even remember what he looks like unless I‘m looking at pictures.” she paused, taking in a deep breath. “And then I start thinking about all the things that he is missing out on…my Mom.” she finished.

“Nicky…” She rarely opened up about the death of her dad. Usually when he was brought up in conversations, it was always something funny he had done.

“Then I start to think about how he wasn’t there for my high school graduation, or college. Or how I wont have anyone to walk me down the aisle when I get married or be there when I have my babies, and I realize how selfish that sounds and it just gets me angry.” There was a long pause before she continued to talk. “Its not fair J…” she whispered.

“I know Baby.” he murmured into her hair.

They were quiet for a few more moments but he felt her stiffened up when they heard a car door open and then shut. She sat up straight, sliding her arms from Justin’s and quickly wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. “Mom is home.” she stated. He looked worriedly at her. Nicole saw the look. “I’m fine.” she told him.

He raised an eyebrow.

“I am. Really.”

“You were just-”

She interrupted him. “I know. But its Momma. I don’t like her seeing me that way.”

“Why the hell not Nicole? She’s your Mom.”

Nicole swallowed. “Because, after everything else I’ve put her through I don’t think she needs more-”

It was his turn to inturrupt her. “You didn’t plan any of that.” he reminded. “Its okay to show your feelings.”

“I do.”

“You do?” he questioned.

She got up from the swing, the blanket still wrapped around her body. “To you.” she murmured. She made her way to the kitchen door, placing her hand on the door knob. “Can you hand me my book?” she asked. “And don’t look at me that way. We both know it’s the truth.” sticking her hand out, waiting patiently for him to hand her the book.

He shook his head, as he reached down for the book. He handed it to her.

“Thanks.” she said, taking the book in her hand. “Are you coming in?” she asked him, opening the door, and stepping inside.

He took ahold of the door knob from her as he stepped inside as well. “So you show your feelings to me huh?” grinning.

Nicole looked over her shoulder at him, and groaned. “Me and my big mouth.”