He nods in reply so I walk to the kitchen and open the refrigerator door.  As I contemplate on what to get, I start to wonder if this is a bad idea.  Trouble seemed to follow RaShod wherever he went.  And he was too damned nosey.

After grabbing two beers I return to the family room to find RaShod sitting on the sofa next to my stuff.  I handed it to him then sat down, hoping to continue the conversation.

I never wanted to complain to Justin about how I was feeling so it was nice to finally get this off my chest.

Out of nowhere he starts singing to the music I have playing.  At first I try to ignore it, but I can't much longer.  It's just so...strange.  "What the hell are you doing?"

"I didn't know singing was a crime."

"It isn't.  I just didn't really see you as the singing type."  I lower my head to return to my work.

"Oh really?  So what type am I then?"  I didn't respond to his question.  I just stare at him, blinking.  "What?  It shouldn't be that hard.  You seem to have me figured out already."

"Okay," I say, laying my things down for a moment.  "You're cocky, arrogant, and slick.  You know how fine you are.  You're deep with knowledge.  Not necessarily with book smarts, but you've got tons of philosophies about life based on your own personal experiences."

He sat back and rested his arm on his knee.  "Okay.  Not bad, but I got you figured out too.  You smart, talented, and sexy.  When it comes to your business you demand the best and make sure that shit gets done.  But when you're here you become someone else.  You're lonely and you feel unloved, even though you put up a front like everything is peachy fuckin keen in your life.  This is the one part of your life that you have no control over, or at least, you think you don't."

"It really isn't as bad as it looks.  Like, it's not easy, but I have to do what I have to do."

"Not bad?" He says, then takes a sip of the beer.  "Not being held or touched or spoken to in person for a month ain't bad? Maybe I ain't have my definition of a healthy relationship right."

"You know, you have some nerve lecturing me about my relationship.  Look how shit ended with you and Khayla."  I cock an eyebrow.  It may seem like a low blow, but it was deserved.

"Well we just ain't right for each other.  I ain't what she needs in a man and she ain't what I need in a woman.  Simple as that."

"Hmph...Well, it's a lot more complicated than you think."

"Okay," he puts his beer down then looks up at me.  "Explain it to me then."

I already told him that it's complicated.  Why can't he get that?  "You're not in my shoes.  You wouldn't understand."

He's giving me this glare that is sending chills down my spine.

"What's there to understand?  Love ain't supposed to be complicated. If it's right, it's right. You ain't supposed to be unhappy or unsatisfied." 

"I never said that I was unhappy. It can just get a little lonely." So lonely that I'm sitting here pouring my problems out to my bestfirend's dumb ass ex, like he's a fucking shrink or some shit.  I didn't realize how desperate for attention I'd become.  And I don't like the way he's looking at me.  I never realized what pretty eyes he has...

"But are you satisfied?" When I don't answer he smiles. Khayla never mention that he had a sexy smile.

What am I saying?! And how did he get so close to me all of a sudden?

"How long as it been?"

Too long.  My heart starts beating loudly in my ears and I swallow hard.  "Um.."

He boldly puts his hand on my thigh and starts to caress me.  My eyes flutter closed because I like the way it feels so I don't stop him just yet, even though I know it's wrong.  He eyes me again, but licks his beautiful lips this time.  Shit, what I would give to have those lips on my...

I get up quickly and walk into the kitchen without answering his question because I shouldn't be thinking the things that I'm thinking right now.  The truth is, I'm terribly unsatisfied.  It's been too long since that last time I had sex...or even hugged my boyfriend.  For weeks I've just wanted to feel a man's hands on my body, to taste his lips on mine, but I've been going through a drought, a dry spell.  It's gone beyond a problem that I can fix on my own.

I walk to the sink and flush some water over my face then dry it off with a piece of paper towel.  Get it together.  Get your shit together.

Before I can completely compose myself RaShod walks into the kitchen and stands behind me.  He's so close that I can feel his breath on the back of my neck.  He's not saying a word, just standing there, and I know what he's trying to do.  He's waiting for me to crumble.

And I think it's working.

My brain is wishing that when I turn around he'll disappear or tell me that he's gay.  My body wants him to throw me down or press me up against the counter and do terribly dirty things to me.  I take a chance and turn around with my eyes closed.

Nothing is happening.  Slowly I open my eyes and he's staring at me.  His eyes are piercing mine.  I want him to stop looking at me like that, but yet I don't.  I want him to take me, yet I want him to leave.  He leans into me, leaving the remaining space up to me to close.  But I won't do it.  I'm not going to cheat on Justin.  I'm not going to make this mistake.  I'm not ...

Kissing him.  Shit.  I'm kissing him.  His tongue slips past my lips and starts to massage my own.  I'm not sure how it happened, but his lips are tearing at mine and it is taking everything within me to pull away from him.

"Wait, stop.  I-I can't do this."

"You can't or you shouldn't?  I promise you won't be lonely tonight."

He starts kissing and licking on my neck and my eyes uncontrollably roll to the back of my head.  My damn weak spot.

Control yourself.  Get it together.

My lower back is pressed up against the counter and he starts to grind his hips into mine.  I can feel him hardening in anticipation and it's chipping away at my restraint.

I open my mouth to tell him to stop, that this is wrong, but instead, a moan escapes me.  He growls lowly in my ear and that's it.  It's done.  I want him. Now.  No more thinking.  My brain has shut off and I'm on autopilot. 

My head falls back and my right leg wraps around his waist.  He licks a trail up my neck then kisses along my jaw up to my earlobe, then stops to suck on it.  I don't know how much more of this I can take.

His hands rub up and down my arms then one of them lands on one of my breasts.  Everything in my head is screaming for me to tell him to stop, but I can't form the words.  Instead, I trail my hands up and down his chest, encouraging him to continue.

RaShod draws his lips away from my neck and land on mine in a rough kiss.  I kiss him back eagerly, with a hunger that I didn't know I had.  He hoists my other leg up around his waist then carries me back into the other room, laying me down on the plush carpet.  My blood is flowing through my body like fiery lava and I can't control my sinful desires.  I want him inside me and he knows it.  I want him to fill me up and make me forget that I was ever alone in the first place.  Within seconds my bikini top is gone and my bare chest is pressed firmly against his. 

Without hesitation he reaches up and touches me and volts of pleasure shoot through me.  RaShod sits up and roughly grabs at my shorts.  I don't know how, but he manages to take them off me with one hard yank.  After my shorts are tossed away he kicks his sneakers off then slides out of his jeans.  Before he throws them aside he quickly reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a condom.  I'm not really sure how I feel about him coming to my place with condoms in his pockets; maybe he's just always prepared.  If I wasn't so sexually driven right now I'd probably wonder how common situations like this were for him.

As he holds the plastic wrapped protection between his teeth he unties the bottom of my bathing suit and for some odd reason I don't feel even the slightest bit uncomfortable completely naked in front of him.  He slips off his boxers and tears the wrapper of the condom with his teeth.  I'm so eager to fuck that I grab the condom so that I could put it on him myself.  I'm moving so fast that within seconds it's rolled onto his dick and he's ready to go.  The less time I have to think about my actions, the better.

His dick presses against my sweltering center as he leans down to press his lips against my ear.  "What your man don't know won't hurt him."  As soon as he sat up he grabbed my hips and forcefully pulled my body closer to him.  Without any kind of warning, he slams into me hard and deep.

My back arches high off the ground as I scream out at the intrusion.  Before I get a chance to adjust to his size, he pulls almost completely out only to slam back into me roughly, burying the last few inches of his manhood deep inside me.

"Ugh. Shhiiitt."  He's so deep that I can feel him at the base my stomach.  His strong hands firmly grab hold of my waist as he finds his rhythm, grinding into my pussy with every thrust.  I'm trying so hard to keep quiet, as if I'm afraid someone might hear, even though I know that there is no one else in the house.  But I can't.  Every time his body slams into mine I raise my hips to meet his and let out a loud groan.

A low guttural growl escapes RaShod as he fucks me. "Yeah, fuck girl."   His muscles flex and sweat starts to form around his brow.  The nerve endings in my clit are on edge as he rubs against it with every wind of his hips.  Without a word, he stops moving and hooks his arms around my thighs.  He lifts me off the ground and my legs wrap around his waist on instinct.  He starts to walk us down the hallway closest to the den.  The first door he tries is a guest bathroom.  He looks at me questioningly and I tilt my head to the left, indicating for him to enter the guest bedroom next to the bathroom.

He doesn't waste any time and immediately throws me onto the bed.  This time he grabs onto the iron head board, using it to steady himself as he rams into me.  "You like that, shawty?" he asks as he stabs into my depths with great force, trying to find that special spot that Justin found almost instantly.  I couldn't answer.  Instead, my head falls to the side as I gasp and shudder.  If I wasn't lying down right now I would've surely collapsed. 

He pushes into me harder, until finding my g-spot and hitting it several times over upon realizing that he'd found it.  "You like that, don't you?"

"Yesss..."  My moans were increasing as his strokes quickened.  I couldn't help but to move my hips too, fucking him back, desperately trying to hold onto what's been building up inside of me.  I've finally adjusted to the size of his dick so he is able to move in and out of me with a bit more ease.  No matter how hard I try to resist, groans of pleasure continue to escape my lips.

He leans forward and traps my mouth in a hot kiss as he slows down a little bit.  His strokes were long and unhurried, yet still hard and toe curling.  The feel of him is excruciating as I can feel every ridge and vein protruding from his dick slide against my slick walls.  It's like they're hugging him, trying not to let him go in fear that I'll be lonely once again.

Heat is starting to form and rise through me.  A familiar, yet forgotten pressure is starting to build in the pit of my stomach.  It feels like it's been so long since I've felt this way.  My abs start to clench as the walls of my pussy start to clamp down on his dick.  "Fuck RaShod.  I'm gonna...ugh."

"Yeah ma, let it go."  He continued at his slow yet effective pace.  Suddenly, a feeling of ecstasy washed over me.  I can't control the sounds that are coming out of my mouth as I release onto him.  My hips buck forward and off the bed as my body trembles and the muscles of my pussy convulse and twitch around him.

My own orgasm encourages his.  He quickens his strokes a little and sweat trickles down the side of his face.  After a few more pumps he lets out another throaty groan and shudders, letting his body collapse on mine.  Soon he pulls out and goes to the bathroom, leaving me alone in the room.  The worst thing he could have done is leave me alone with my thoughts.

After a minute or two the ecstasy dies away and realize comes crashing down on me, nearling knocking my breath away. I didn't know it was possible to feel so bad after feeling so good.

I feel lower than dirt right now.  How could I cheat on my boyfriend?  Sometimes I picture myself being with him for the rest of my life, yet I betrayed him in the worst way.  Not just him, but Khayla.  Khayla would be so disappointed in me.  I'm supposed to be a better friend than this.

I pull back the sheets of the bed and completely cover myself, head to toe, and start bawling.  I don't care if he hears me.  Shit.  I hope he hears me.  How could he let this happen?  How could I let this happen?

Justin loves me.  He would never do somethin like this to me.  What the fuck is wrong with me?  The tears are just flowing out of my eyes, streaming down my cheeks, soaking my pillow.

"Aye," I hear RaShod say and I feel the bed sink on the right side of me.  "Get away from me!" I manage to get out between sobs.  I can feel his hand trying to pull the covers down and I feel sick.  "Don't fucking touch me!"

"I done touched you everywhere that a man could."

"Fuck you.  Get the fuck out.  I shouldn't have done this.  It was...It was a mistake."  I pull the blankets tighter around me and continue to cry.  Maybe if I cry myself to sleep I'll wake up and this will be a nightmare.

"You wasn't thinking it was a mistake when you was screaming my name."  I want badly to yell something at him in response, tell him that he's wrong and that he should go fuck himself.  But I just can't find the words to say where I wouldn't be lying to myself.  I just cry harder, trying my best to ignore him.  After a minute or so he gets up and walks out of the room and closes the door behind himself, leaving me there to cry all alone.

I should have said something to Justin immediately after it happened.  I tell myself most of the time that I didn't say anything to him because I was ashamed and embarrassed by my betrayal.  While that's partly true, I also didn't tell him because I wanted to do it.  I wanted to have sex with RaShod.  I wanted him to fuck me so that I forgot about all of my problems and made me forget that I had a man that was never around.  I want to believe that he fills a void that Justin creates in me every time he's gone.