JC stared blankly.  There was so much he wanted to say, yet so many words that he didn't want to speak.  Kate stood in front of him with tears painted on her face.  The usual JC would have cradled her in his arms and wiped her tears away, but for some reason, that was the last thing on his mind.

   "Say something...please."  She softly spoke, keeping her head down to avoid any expression on his face.

   He let out a sigh and took a step back.  "After everything I've done to you, you still want to be with me?"  She nodded.  "Why?"

   "Maybe I'm just that stupid.  Because why else would I feel this way after all the shit you put me through?"

   "Because you still love me."

   "You sure you're okay, man?"

   "Huh?"  JC shook his head.

   "I asked if you're okay."  Justin repeated after finishing his set on the weights.  "You've been out of it ever since Kate left.  What's going on?"

   JC took his turn on the weights while Justin spotted him.  He tried to think up a good lie since him and Kate agreed not to tell anyone about their hook up.  "I'm just ready to go home."

   "Having Kate around really made you homesick, huh?"

   He just nodded and concentrated on getting a good quality work out.  He tried to be his normal self throughout the day, but everyone knew something was up when he missed his cues a few times during sound check and messed up a couple of dance moves during the show.

   "Who all thinks JC needs a night out to get shit faced?"  Chris announced when he climbed onto the bus.  All the guys raised their hand in agreement. 

   "Really guys-"

   "We know, you're fine!"  Justin finished his sentence.  "But yet you're not and yet, we're still going out to party!"

   JC threw his head back and listened to Justin sing and dance about going out tonight.  He knew it would be damn near impossible for him to get out of going, so he would just grit his teeth and bare it.

   The guys made sure JC's drink was never empty.  By early morning, he had let down his guard and found himself flirting with a slew of women.

   "Why don't you show us your room?  I'm sure they gave you the best room."  A skinny blonde sat on his lap and seductively ran her fingers through his hair.

   The guys all chuckled in the background as they watched their friend stumble towards the exit with two girls on his arm.  They knew he would feel less stressed in the morning.

   JC's eyes fluttered open at the sense of light in the room the following day.  All at once, his eyes shot open at the nauseated feeling in his stomach.  He raced to the bathroom, nearly knocking everything over in his path.

   Once he relieved the feeling, he wrapped a towel around his waist and tried to remember what happened last night.

   "Are you okay, honey?"  A young blonde girl sat up in his bed.

   This wasn't an unusual scene for him to wake up to, but this time, he regretted every second of it.

   "What the fuck are you doing here?"

   "You.  I..."  She was near tears by his raging voice.

   "Get the fuck outta my room."  He held the door open as she scrambled to collect her clothes from the floor.  He thought he heard a sniffle escape her from her lips, but he still didn't care.

   Justin slipped through the door just as it was closing and before JC had a chance to refuse his presence.  "You okay there?"

   JC sat on the bed and stared out in front of him.  "What the fuck did I do last night?  What the fuck did you let me do?"

   "What do you mean?  What's wrong?"

   "What happened last night?"

   Justin sighed and sat down next to him, trying to figure out JC's mood.  "We went out and you got pretty wasted.  The next thing I knew, you were leaving with a couple of girls from the club.  Now what went on behind your closed door, I have no clue."

   "I'm pretty sure I know what happened."  He cradled his head in his hands.

   "What's big deal?  So you got laid.  What's new?"

   "Kate."  He mumbled.

   "Huh?  That doesn't make any sense."

   He knew he shouldn't tell Justin about him and Kate, but he was his best friend.  He and Justin rarely hid anything from each other.  "Kate and I...hooked up when she was here."

   Justin's eyes grew big and his jaw dropped.  Him and the other guys always sensed that JC and Kate held sexual tension between them, but they never thought they'd act on it, at least not until Kate was legal.

   "But you two aren't together, right?"  He nodded.  "So I'm still not seeing what the big deal is about you getting laid last night.  You're a free man!"

   "Yeah, but Kate's not a slut."  Justin let out a laugh.  "She's not.  I know her better than you ever will.  Something like this would hurt her.  Even though we're not together, sex is important to her...at least she wants it to be."  He thought about his words.  "I mean, she wasn't even drunk when we did it.  God, I fucked up!"

   Justin sat and watched his friend tear himself apart.  "Just don't tell her.  You know none of the guys would ever talk about that shit with anyone else and you know I'd never say anything.  Kate doesn't even have to know."          

   "Do you still love me?"  Kate timidly asked, fighting back the tears.

   JC gripped the edge of the sink as he looked out the window.  "You almost drowned in the river back there."  He didn't wait for her response, even though he knew that she had no idea what he was talking about.  "You were two...maybe even one and a half...just a baby.  My mom was inside cooking and she told me to watch you.  Make sure you didn't eat anything, make sure you didn't get into anything you weren't supposed to.  But she absolutely stressed to make sure you didn't get too close to the water."

   Kate tried to read his expression, but with his back turned, he was a blank slate.  She wondered why she never heard this story before.

   "I don't even remember what I was doing, but I wasn't watching you.  I'll never forget hearing that cry that you made.  It just tore me apart.  I jumped in the water and by then, you were close to the middle.  Looking back now, I realize how dangerous it was for me to go in after you, but I didn't care...and I still don't regret it."  She could see his shoulder muscles tense up as the story went farther.

   "I pulled you out of the water and you weren't breathing.  I wasn't afraid to tell my mom what happened; I was afraid that if I left you, you'd be dead by the time I came back.  So I just pressed on your chest - since that's what I'd seen on TV.  It seemed like a lifetime before you started breathing again."  He took a deep breath.  "It was then that I realized how much I cared about you.  I vowed to myself to always be there for you."  He laughed lightly to himself.  "Then about a year later, you started talking and I completely feel in love with you."

   Kate hesitated before she spoke.  "So you do still love me?"

   JC turned from the sink, setting his empty bottle on the counter.  He walked up to her and stared into her eyes, hating the words that were about the come out of his mouth.  "You can do better than me."

   Kate felt his lips brush the corner of her own and watched him walk past her into the darkness.  She fell to the wood floor and sobbed.

   JC sat at the top of the stairs, listening to her cry.  He didn't know why, but he just couldn't bring himself to walk into his room where he knew he wouldn't be able to hear her cries.

   Kate flew back home the following morning and settled into her normal routine.  She would shuttle Kendra all around town for her various events and at the end of the day, try to find a moment to herself.  It was a simple routine; one that she had gotten used to over the years, but part of her wished that things were different.

   Kendra didn't seem to be phased by Kate's going and coming emotions.  She was content in her own world of being a kid and Kate was glad.  Although, she had began noticing Kendra's growing obsession in Nsync.  When she first told her about the dance at school, Kate figured it would stop at the one song, but now she wanted to know anything and everything about them.  Kate even had to go out and buy a few of their albums for her.

   "K, why do you like them so much?"  Kate asked one night over dinner as Kendra went on and on about Nsync.

   "They're good..."  She wrapped a strand of hair behind her ear.  "And I feel a connection."

   Kate nearly choked on her food.  Sometimes she underestimated the six-year-olds ability to grasp concepts.  "A connection?  What are you talking about, baby girl?"

   "I don't know."  She shrugged.  "I just feel a connection to JC."

   "What kind of connection?"  Kate grilled.

   She shrugged again.  "I don't know, mom.  Maybe it was just a dream, but I feel connected to him."

   Kate sat back in her chair and decided to drop the subject, even though it was still swirling in her mind.

   The next day at work, she was reminded of the celebrity interview she had to submit in a few days.  She sighed and decided to procrastinate for the day.  She picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number.

   "Hey.  Can we meet for lunch?  I just really need someone to talk to.  Okay, see you then."  She hung up the phone, collected her belongings, and left the office for the day.

   "So talk to me, what's going on?"  Madison asked as they ate their food.

   Kate picked at her Asian salad, trying to decide where to begin the conversation.  "I was stupid to let Josh back into my life."

   Madison rolled her eyes.  "What did the boy do now?  I'm starting to think he's no good for you."

   "Don't say that."  She took offense.  "Josh is...well he's just..."

   "No good for you.  You know how in all those stories where the best friends start to have feelings for each other, but then they say that they don't want to ruin the wonderful relationship they have?"  Kate reluctantly nodded.  "Yeah, you two didn't do that and now look where it's gotten you."

   "This lunch with you was supposed to help me, not make me feel worse."

   "I don't know what else to tell you, Katie.  To be honest, it's really hard to give advice because I don't know the full story."

   "No one knows the full story."