Part 8 Surf and Turf gone wrong

A couple days later we were in L.A.  We were staying a couple days because the guys had plans for studio time and movie productions.  The day we got in though was nice.  It only seemed as I rolled in bed an hour before when Justin came barreling into my room.  

“You have to get up, Amy.”  He announced too enthusiastically for 6 AM.

“Somebody better be fucking dead, JuJu Bean.” I rolled over pulling the covers over my head to block out the light.

He laughed, “You will regret that.”  He pulled down my covers.  “Don’t make me resort to a water gun.  You know I am willing and able to do it.”

“Who is the asshole that fed you sugar this morning?”  I asked not believing that I was even seeing this boy before noon on a day off.

“I am a big boy, I know how to find those hidden Fruit Loops, and Lucky Charms.” Grinning proud of himself as he jumped up and down on my bed.

“Damn, Joey and I will just have to brainstorm new places.  I’ll get Lance to booby trap them too.”  I warned.

“Yeah well anyway,  I heard the weather report is good, be at breakfast in half an hour and I will tell you what I am thinking.”  He ordered as he headed to the door.

I rolled my eyes as Justin left, and Renee said something to the effect that I could take the shower first. She had no intention of getting up anytime soon.  I think she was as pissed at Justin as I was.  I groused around and got into the shower.  I hurried and took care of business, when I came out in just my towel, Josh was sitting on my bed.  I almost screamed.  This was such a violation of privacy.  I looked at him, anger burning in my eyes, as my skin flushed red with embarrassment.  

He didn’t let me get any words out.  He simply said, “Wear a bathing suit under anything you decide to wear, and meet us for breakfast in ten minutes.”  He then turned and left the room.

I wanted to throw things at him. I was so mad.  Digging through my things I found the one piece Mike made me buy at Dick’s  I placed a cover up on and threw my hair in a ponytail before grabbing my purse and a towel.  

When I got to the dining hall Justin was giddy with excitement but fretting that Lance wasn’t up yet.  “Lance has to come surfing with us.  He loves the water.”

“I am sorry J.  I couldn’t get him up.”  Joey told him.

“This won’t stand.”  He smiled at me.  “You are going to love surfing Amy.  I got to get Lancey Poo.  Nobody is bailing on this day.”

It was then Josh entered the room.  Joey and Chris had already started.  “Wipeout, you ready for this adventure?”  Chris joked.

Josh just scowled and the guys did one Emerald Cove joke after another, making Josh decidedly more grumpy.  His attitude was not improving my thoughts about him that morning.  They had finally unearthed Lance.  He looked rumpled and his pores smelled like a Whiskey bottle.

Joey cuffed him on his shoulder.  “A little sun and surf, you will be sober in no time.  Maybe after today you won’t even want to drink.”

I followed everyone quietly.  I had never surfed before.  This seemed like an activity they were all experienced in.  Josh wasn’t being friendly and everyone else’s attention was on the waves.  When we got to the beach we rented boards and wetsuits.  The guys all broke out in a run to the surf.  The fan side of me would have been squealing at this point.  However I had been around these guys so long that the sight of their half naked bodies did not have an effect on me.  Especially since I knew none of them would be sending thoughts my way.  I sat on the beach by myself watching them challenge each other and having a good time.  I had half made up my mind to ask Mike to take me back to the hotel when Justin came up to me.

“Why are you sitting all by your lonesome?  Come race me to the buoy.”  He demanded.

Never wanting to lose a challenge from Justin I blindly chased after him.  Never mind I had no clue what I was doing.  I had watched them all morning so I had a bit of the basics down.  I paddled out and tried to stand up. I fell into the water.  This happened a couple times before I was able to get my balance.  Just as we began our race in earnest a wave came up.  Justin saw it and paddled away from it.  I was frozen on top of my board.  The current pulled me under.  I was under water for what seemed like an eternity.  Then I was pulled up roughly and drugged to shore.  

Josh stood over me yelling,  “What the fuck were you thinking?  You could have been killed.  That was a killer wave.”

“I don’t know how to surf.  I was just following after Justin.”  I huffed, tears in my eyes.

“Well that is fucking obvious.  You have no business being out on that water, it is too dangerous.”  He continued his lecture, gesturing wildly.

“Fine.  I didn’t want to fucking come any way. You have fun with the guys.” I flipped him off, turning my back on him.

“Fine I will do that.”  He went back into the water.

I stalked up to the vans, but there was no such luck at leaving early.  It was an all or none type of day.  I walked over to a picnic area away from the action and sat down, tears falling down my face.   I was there for several minutes before I recognized someone was sitting beside me.

“Hey Joey.”  I said softly through my tears.

“What’s wrong, Hotlips?”  He asked genuinely concerned.

“I don’t belong here.  I had no business being on that water today.”  I confessed the truth that I was too proud to admit to Josh.

“I heard Josh yelling something similar.  Why didn’t you tell anyone it was your first time?”  He probed, trying to figure out how to fix the problem.

“You were all so experienced.  I didn’t want to slow anyone down.”  I admitted.  I really didn’t want to spoil anyone’s fun with my needs.  It was so rare they had a day off.

“Had you told Josh he probably would have been more than happy to teach you.”   Joey explained. 

I shrugged, “I don’t know about that.”  It was hard to predict what Josh would do or say if I was simply honest about my lack of experience.

“You should ask him after lunch.  Perhaps he will be more willing then.  The waves tend to be more predictable in the afternoon anyway.  I’d offer but I think his head would explode if I got that close to you.”  He advised.

“Why do you say that Joey?”  I asked, still not really seeing what was real.

“Are you blind, Amy?  That boy has fallen bad for you.” He explained letting the cat out of the bag.  However I didn’t believe him, especially with what a jerk Josh was being.

“You are just trying to flatter me here.  The only reason he likes me is because I am forbidden fruit.  Once he has tasted me, he will realize I am rotten and won’t want me.”  I protested.  I was shocked how I could be so honest with Joey.  

Joey shook his head,  “You will not talk that way about my friend.”

“It is true, that is what he would do.”  I said defensively.

“I don’t give a fuck what HE would do.  That doesn’t fucking matter.  If he acts that way you don’t fucking need him.  But I will not hear you tear yourself down like that.  You are not rotten.  You might have had it hard, and have had bad things happen, but you are a sweet girl.  If he doesn’t see it, screw him, and find someone that deserves you.”  He commanded with passion that was turned up to 11.

I kicked nervously at some sand.  “You know I don’t have that freedom Joey.”

“Brian and Chris will find someone for you.  You have to believe and trust it will be in your best interest.  If that person is Josh, cool.  If not, there is someone better waiting.”  His voice returned to being gentle.

“Thanks, Joe.”  I kissed him on the cheek and he hugged me.

“I think lunch has arrived and the caterers are laying it out as we speak.  What do you say?”  He wiggled his eyebrows.

“I don’t think I am hungry.”  I weakly protested.

“I am sure there is something to tempt you.  You need to eat.  Come on.”  He took my hand and led me back to the picnic tables.  

Josh was scowling at me.  I didn’t exactly know why.  I went over and got a turkey with mayo on a croissant.  Chris and Joey filled the space telling jokes.  Joey spotted the pretty girls up the boardwalk first and Chris followed him.  Justin and Lance were already going round 2 with the surf.

I was left alone with Josh.

“You can do what you want.”  Josh commented into the empty space that laid between us.

“What do you mean by that?”  I crossed my arms, not liking what Josh was assuming.

“If you want Joey, go after him.”  He waved me towards the boardwalk.

“Why do you think I want Joey?”  I asked like we had just entered the Twilight Zone.  How could he in his right mind think it was Joey that I wanted.

“I saw you cozying up to him in the gazebo.  You looked all smiley and happy.  You deserve that.”  He admitted as if he was washing his hands on anything to do with me.

“Joey was just trying to cheer me up.  You can think what you want but he is just a friend like it matters anyway.” I moved away from him, beginning to clean up the mess the guys left in the wake.

“What the fuck does that mean?” He questioned just a bit too loudly as he stepped into my space.

“Nothing Josh.  Fucking nothing, I’m going back to the hotel.” I turned away from him and marched up the hill towards the vans.  Mike decided there would be enough time to drop me off at the hotel and then get the guys for their next engagement. 

I cried all the way to the hotel.  Mike respected my need for privacy and didn’t say a word.  When I got back to the hotel I tripped all over Renee’s bags.  Some makeup fell out and as I went to try to fix it something shiny caught my eye.  I swiped two of them and placed them in the bottom of my purse.  I didn’t need them yet.  I was numb enough.  I let the horrible thoughts linger though.  The thoughts of not being enough tormented me.  I was a loser.  No one really cared.  The spiral had begun.  What little control I had was being stripped from me.  I could control this though.  Just one little cut to ease the pain.  One drink to obliterate it.  If I wanted to end it, all I would have to do was take the bottle.  I would just go to sleep and never wake up.  No one was going to miss me anyway.

I was thinking all this when there was a knock on my door.  I went to it and I saw Justin grinning. Then he frowned.  “Why aren’t you ready for dinner, Amy?”

“I’m not hungry.” I lied, not really up to anything Justin had planned.

“Nonsense.”  He went through my bags.  “Ahh ha.  Put this on.”

“I can’t wear this.”  I protested.

He pointed to the bathroom.  “You have 5 minutes or I will have Mike pull you out whether you want to or not.”

It did not take long to put on the short tennis skirt and button up sleeveless shirt Justin gave me.

I came out and he looked me over.  “Unbutton the bottom to buttons and tie it off.”

I shook my head.  “No Justin.  I don’t think this is me.  This is something Britney would wear.”  I grabbed my doc martens and Brian’s hoodie and covered up.  “I think I will just stay in and order room service.”

He grabbed my arm.  “No.  I want to eat with my friends.  Like it or not I count you as such.  You are coming with me.”  He pulled me out into the hallway and brightened when he saw Josh.  “JC, tell Amy she must eat with us.”  Justin commanded the man as if he had any power over him.

Josh just grunted, “She will do what she wants Justin.  I can’t control her.”

“She has to eat though.”  Justin cajoled him further.

Josh rolled his eyes, “Don’t we all.”

“It's okay Justin.  I can stay in.”  I said hoping he would relent.

“Bullshit you are coming.”  He grabbed my arm leading me to the elevator.  

I followed the force of nature that was Justin fucking Timberlake out to one of the cars in the back of the hotel.  Josh followed us.  Justin got in the car and pulled me in after him, setting me in the middle of the seat.  Josh slid in beside me.  I was surrounded.  I trained my eyes in front of me.  Justin, not reading the room, started telling a story about one of the waves he tamed.  I simply crossed my arms and tried to turtle into myself.  I didn’t want to be there.  I wasn’t adding any enjoyment to this activity.  I couldn’t figure out what Justin was trying to do.

“JC, tell Amy about that last one you caught.” Justin commanded, trying to start a conversation.

“Nah, man.  She ain't interested.”  Josh flat out refused, not willing to play the game Justin was starting.

“If you want to talk about it go ahead.” I said just wanting to hear the richness of his voice.

He turned to me, “I think silence would be better.”

Shutting up, I wanted to sit on my hands.  Ice radiated down my spine.  Why was he being cruel, and why was Justin putting me in the path of Josh’s hostility.  Finally we arrived at the restaurant.  It was very upscale.  We were seated and I perused the menu.  The prices were staggering. Justin had urged us to order without him, and excused himself.

“What will you have, miss?”  The waiter asked me, jarring me from my thoughts.

“Water is fine.” I answered.

“And to eat?”  He asked, wanting me to continue so that he could do his job.

“The shrimp cocktail will be fine.”  I said, my desire to eat completely gone.

“Hold on.” Josh stopped the waiter.  “Get her a shrimp trio alfredo with a side of crab legs.  Add a lobster tail to my order. Also if you bring out a bottle of Burgundy wine that would be wonderful.”

As the waiter left I glared at him,  “Why did you order for me?”

“You were doing a shit job of it.”  He callously explained.

“I ordered what I could afford.”  Tears crested in my eyes.

“Like you fucking pay for anything around here.  Don’t worry I have you covered.” He crossed his arms looking at his watch.  

The sommelier  came out with the Burgundy wine Josh ordered and made his presentation to Josh.  He called out the name and year and then uncorked it, inspecting in and then giving it to Josh to meet his approval.  Josh inspected it and nodded.  The waiter poured out an ounce. Josh took a sip relishing it.  He nodded then went towards me to fill my glass.  Josh met his eyes.  “Half a glass will be sufficient.”  The waiter nodded and gave me half a serving.

“So you are letting me drink.”  I commented, a bit surprised.

“A glass or two with dinner won’t hurt.  I just didn’t want you to have too much on an empty stomach.  Feel free and taste it.  It is an excellent vintage.”  He explained not at all concerned.

“You know about this stuff.”  I stated simply, not really knowing if I wanted to start a conversation.  

Josh took the bait.  “I have been learning.  It was legal for me when I was in Europe and I have enjoyed the taste of top shelf liquor.  I drink socially, but am rarely completely drunk, at least not out in public.”

I slowly sipped it not sure if I really liked it, but he was treating me like a grownup sort of.  I knew Chris would never pour a glass of wine for me.  The waiter came by and refilled our water glasses and dropped off the bread basket.  He grabbed a garlic cheese biscuit and handed the basket to me.  “Take one, it will sop up the wine.”  He commanded.

I did and it tasted heavenly.  I wanted to grab another one right then but Josh had placed the basket out of my reach.  I felt it would be rude to ask, so I sat there silently as we waited for our meal.  I looked around and watched the fish swim around the aquariums that filled the place.  Candles flickered, and the white table cloth brushed against my bare knee.

“When do you think Justin is coming back?”  I asked, trying to stoke a conversation.

“Are you that naive, Amy?  He left the restaurant.  We have been set up to spend time together.”  He asked with utter contempt for being trapped into this situation neither of us asked for.

“Why?”  I asked, still not really getting it.

“I guess he likes the idea of us together.  He is delusional, and it was a very risky stunt that could get us both into trouble.  Though if you can control yourself and not jump me, I think most publicity will be okay.  Chris won’t like the optics.”  He explained, as I was two.

“Don’t blame me.”  I reacted defensively.

“Really?  You can’t tell me that your panties aren’t getting wet, romanticizing this dinner for what you think it could be.” He attacked with bitter sarcasm.

“There is nothing romantic about awkwardness.”  I retorted honestly facing our situation.

“That is true.  Just so we are on the same page, this is fucking awkward.”  He declared.  At least we agreed on something.

“We could leave?”  I suggested, almost hoping he would agree.

“And give up a free dinner courtesy of Justin Timberlake,  I think not.  I ordered.  We will eat, and then we will go back to the hotel.”  He authoritatively dictated the course of the evening.

I smirked,  “If someone overheard that sound bite.”  I taunted him.

“They would think I am fucking you.”   He said the quiet part out loud with no hint of flirtation.

I blushed, “What if Chris finds out about this?”

“We tell him the truth. Justin dragged us both out to eat, and he got called away.  We had already ordered before we realized that he wasn’t coming back, so we decided to eat.  When we were done I took you back to the hotel to go to bed, and I went back to my room to prepare to go out.”  He detailed as he actually put some thought into it.

“Are you going out after this?” I probed, knowing I was opening a door that would just hurt me more.

“I got to get my pussy somewhere, because we both know it won’t be you putting out tonight.”  He said, watching the flaming arrows hit exactly where he intended.

“That’s very nice Josh.”  I oozed with sarcasm. Part of me wanted to splash the wine in his face, but I knew that would be immature and cause a scene.  Instead I got up and went to the restroom.  As I got there I felt a hand on my shoulder.  I turned around and it was Mike so my momentary panic dissipated.  

“Hold up Miss Kitty.  Let me make sure it is safe.  I will be right outside.”  He said as he held me back to open the door and case the restroom for the boogey man that haunted me.

I sat in there for over 15 minutes crying and trying to piece my heart together.  I knew it was rude.  I knew our food would probably be cold.  I wanted to leave, but knew I couldn’t without Josh.  With Mike as sentry, there was no hailing a cab and trying to get back on my own.  So I took care of business, it was then I discovered to my absolute horror that I had started.  I balled up a little toilet paper, and placed it in my panties to soak up any leakage.  My purse I knew did not contain supplies, and there wasn’t anything complementary on the vanity.  Nor were there vending machines as this was too much of an upscale place for that.  I wrapped my hoodie around my waist to hide any leakage and to protect the chair I was about to sit on.  Quickly I checked my hair and eyes before heading back to the table.

Josh stood when he saw me approach and pulled my chair out. I accepted it because frankly it was expected with this man.  

“Our food is here.  I couldn’t wait.”  He said curtly.

I nodded and dug into mine which surprisingly was still warm.  I ate in silence as politely and quickly as I could.  I am sure this was amazing cuisine, however the way I was feeling it tasted like dirt to me.  

As I finished the waiter came through with dessert.  It was a fabulous cherry jubilee.  I didn’t even let Josh explain.  I simply ate the appropriate amount.  Josh left a tip and we left.  I followed him to the car.  He opened the door and  I slid in.  I looked out the window the entire way back to the hotel.  We went in through the back to avoid the hassle of the fans and he walked me to my room.  

I had my key at the ready and entered my hotel room with not so much as a word, and closed the door.  That night I took my pills and cried myself to sleep.  The next day was a travel day,  I already felt like hell.  Riding on a bus all day was going to be miserable.  I resolved to stay on my bunk all day.  The boys would just have to deal.