The 4th of July

Since Brian was going to be shipping out after that weekend, I was going to ride with him, Shannon and the kids on the trip down to the lake house.  Since we were in the company of little ears the conversation in Josh’s room was not talked about.  Brian spent most of the time laying down the law with the kids about how to act at the house with our guests and that they were not to touch fireworks without adult supervision, nor were they allowed to go in the water without an adult.  He looked at me and simply said, “Don’t do anything stupid.  They will follow your lead.”

As we got there mom *NSYNC had already arrived and had taken over the kitchen.  I wanted to be helpful and went over to offer my services.  I was swiftly put to work peeling carrots and potatoes.  It was fun hearing the ladies talk with one another.  About an hour into the preparations, Justin came storming into the kitchen.  He was soaking wet, carrying a rugrat  in his arms.  “I’m thirsty and so are the kids.”  He announced.

“There are water bottles in the second refrigerator.  I think there are some bomb pops too.  Put names on them and refill them with the hose.  I don’t want ya’ll tramping through here all day long.”  Lynn hollered at him.

“Yes, maam”  He smiled and walked over to the fridge.

“Amy, dear, will you help him?  He needs supervision.” Lynn asked me.

“Of course, Mama Lynn.”  I placed down my peeler.  Then I unearthed the marker and box of bomb pops while Justin grabbed the cases of water.  Painstakingly I wrote the names on the bottles and poured them into sippy cups of the younger kids.  

“You know you are stuck out in the heat now.”  Justin said, pushing the little one to go after his siblings.  

I shrugged.  “I figured that would happen.”

“So what happened after I left?”  He asked curiously.

“What do you mean?”  I feigned ignorance.  I wasn’t going to talk about it unless directly asked, and he was playing games.

“Did Brian change his mind about JC?”  He probed deeper trying to get me to spill the tea.

“No, but he is willing to get to know him better.  I thought you two talked about this shit.”  I said trying to deflect and direct Justin’s questions to the rightful person.

He waved me off, “Nah, he is being all emo about it.  I thought things went bad.  Renee is going to be pissed when she sees his eye tomorrow.”

“Fuck I should have made him an ice pack or something.”  I said, realizing my mistake.  No one administered the proper first aid.

“Relax, he is a big boy and he can take care of himself.  So this was what I was thinking.  We start with kickball, then we play a round of freeze tag, followed by a game of ultimate.  Then it should be lunch time.  After lunch the big kids will go skiing then after nap time we will have a water balloon fight.”  Justin gleefully mapped out his plan for the most fun.

“You have missed your calling Justin.  You could have been a camp counselor.”  I joked astonished at the sheer amount of planning that went into this day.  Just thinking of all the activity was making me tired and this was his day off.

“Not too much is it?”  He asked genuinely concerned.

“No, it will keep everyone busy, and out of trouble.” I reassured him.

I spent the day setting up games and helping coach and comfort one child or another.  Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Josh.  He was helping out as well.  It looked like he was having a good time.  Seeing him interact with kids and the moms comforted me.  

Joey and Chris had raided the playroom from the tour, bringing all the water guns and silly string with them.  Lance had filled a baby pool with water and was sitting in it.  One of the little girls had found him and jumped in and was wading about. Justin quickly discovered that Kasey was agreeable to every suggestion that he made.  He used her compliance to have her do the dirty work of wrangling the kids.

Lunch was a lush barbeque.  The *NSYNC dads had taken over as grill masters competing shamelessly for the world’s best award.  All the siblings were playing on the fields of sport Justin created.  Due to all the littles running about, activities changed quickly.

Catching my breath I took my plate and sat down in the shade to watch everyone from a far.  Soon Heather had found my momentary hiding place.  “It’s overwhelming isn’t it?”

I nodded,  “There is just too much going on.” 

“My brother hasn’t taken his eyes off of you.  What’s up with that?”  She asked, ready to sip the tea that was her brother’s life.

“I hadn’t noticed.”  I blushed.

“Are you two dating?”  She dug further.

“Not yet.  Brian has to approve of him, before Josh is allowed to ask.  That won’t happen until I am 18.” I admitted.

She looked surprised for a few seconds before shrugging it off.  “I guess that makes sense.”

Josh came up to us.  “What are you two girls gossiping about?”

“You.” Heather said, sticking out her tongue.

“All good I hope.” He grinned and winked at me.

“I was telling her about that time in middle school.”  Heather taunted.

“You were not.” He retorted sitting beside me.

“Really I would like to hear.”  I joked, but I really did want to know what his sister thought of him when he was younger.

“Maybe later.  Eat your meal kitten.” Josh commanded, waving towards my nibbled on plate.

I rolled my eyes as I stuffed a roll in my mouth.  He followed suit practically inhaling his food as usual.

“This stuff is pretty good Josh. You don’t have to cover the taste in haste.” I chided his table manners.

“I guess you are right.  The longer I linger over the meal the longer I get to stay with you.”  He winked at me.

Heather groaned,  “If you two are doing that, I’m leaving.”

Josh shook his head,  “No, sis. You have to stay.  We need at least one chaperone.”  He wisely explained.

Heather rolled her eyes.  “Fine if you get all kissy faced,  I am leaving and telling mom.”  She warned in a sing-song voice sticking her tongue out at Josh.

We all chatted pleasantly as we ate in the shade, resting up for the evening’s later activities.  I heard from down the hill Shannon calling to the littles.

“Well I should probably head to the house to help Shannon get the kids down for their naps.”  I said.

Josh pressed down on my knee keeping me still,  “You don’t have to do anything.  My mom is in 7th Heaven holding that baby.  I know the others are enjoying the littles as well.  This is a holiday for you too.  You get to be a kid and have fun.”

“I just feel responsible.”  I said picking at the grass.

“When they passed Kacey to you at the concert that was one thing. You two got to spend some time together and catch up doing something you both loved.  But it isn’t your responsibility.  It stopped being your responsibility the moment you pulled into Shannon’s driveway three years ago.”  Josh explained to me.

“It's a habit.” I shrugged, defending myself.

“One you're going to break right now.” He gently ordered.

Heather spoke up,  “I think this conversation is too personal.  I’ll just go over there and listen to my ipod to give you some privacy.”

Josh nodded,  “Thank you.”  Then he turned to me.  “I’m kind of jealous of Justin.”

“Why is that?”  I questioned.  Josh was never transparent with his feelings unless it had something to do with his favorite organ.  

“You are able to play with him with no thought or push back.  It’s a shame that we can’t have that same type of relationship, and I don’t understand why not?  Play is creative and fun.  I want to just have fun with you, Amy.  I don’t want to analyze it or wonder what the next step should be.  I just want us to find joy in the moment.  You need to be free to express yourself.” He told me, his hand grazing my cheek, as his eyes smoldered with sincerity.  At that moment I felt as if he would kiss me.

However, speaking of the devil, Justin came bounding up the hill.  “There you two are.  Lance is powering up the boat now.  Come on, we are going skiing.”  He announced with a gleeful anticipation.

“I don’t know. Watersports aren’t my thing.” I tried to protest.  Though it was futile.  Once Justin had something in his mind, it was going to happen.

Josh saw my anxiety as I dug in my heels.  “I would like you to try, kitten.  We will make sure you have a life jacket and I’ll even be ready to jump in after you if you would like.”  He said trying to comfort me yet encourage me at the same time.

I couldn’t get the scene of him yelling at me after surfing out of my head.  However he said he wanted me to try.  It could go differently this time.  This time he knew I was a novice and would be looking out after me.  As we headed down to the lake Josh grabbed a life jacket fitting it tight to me.  

Lance helped me into the boat and the guys all hopped in taking turns holding the tow rope in the water.  I stared out at the surface, watching it shimmer under the afternoon sun.  The guys made it all so easy, but I was still uncertain.  Josh could sense it.  He smiled gently at me,  “You know it is okay to be nervous, Amy.  But trust me.  I got you.  I have Lance take the boat nice and slow for you.”

I nodded, his pep talk gave me a bit of reassurance as we tried something new.  Josh jumped in the lake and grabbed the tow rope, then he beckoned me into the wander.  I took a deep breath and jumped overboard.  When I surfaced I allowed my life jacket to keep me up as I dog paddled over to Josh.  He pulled me into him when I got close enough and placed my hands on the tow rope.  “Lean back into the water Amy, you are going to feel the rope tighten. Do not let go.  As the boat moves it should bring you up on your ski.”  He let go of me jumping back into the boat.  Once he thought I was comfortable he signaled Lance to go slowly.  

I wasn’t quite prepared the first time.  When the engine hummed to life, I gripped the tow rope for dear life.  The initial jolt shocked me.  I stumbled into the frigid water.  I surfaced sputtering and coughing, frustration evident on my face.  Josh had Lance cut the engine before calling out to me.  

“Are you okay?” Josh asked as he had rushed to the edge and was ready to come and get me if needed.

“I’m fine.”  I snapped, not really upset at him.  I was more disgusted with myself that I couldn’t get it right the first time.  “Let’s just get this over with.”

“Amy,  I promise if you get up today it will be a very exhilarating experience.  I want you to visualize what it will look and feel like when you get it right.” Josh said in a calming voice.

As the vision formed a smile danced across my lips.  I nodded and firmly said “Okay.”

“Alright Amy, try again.  You can do this.” Lance encouraged from the boat.

I grabbed the tow rope and was able to get a little higher before I came tumbling in the water.  Each time Josh gave me the proper space to get my head right before trying again.  Each time he would remind me.  “Bend your knees.  Lean back.  Wait for the boat to do the work.”

On the fourth try something clicked.  This time I let go.  I did not resist the pull and trusted the rope.  As I leaned into it, I felt my body rise from the water. I was now upright on top of the water.   I was wobbly, but still I was doing.  I let out a joyful yell, and the guy's laughter echoed across the lake.  

Getting back into the boat I was glowing from the experience.  I had conquered my fear.  Josh was smiling proudly at me. Soon Lance parked the boat at the dock.  As we parked we were immediately hit by little splashes of water.  We had been ambushed.  A maelstrom of balloons hit us from giggling tiny hands. The dads had helped fill up the water balloons in our absence and were giggling at us from their safe dry place by the fire pit.  As I was walking up I noticed that Brian was talking with Roy.  It made me feel that maybe there was so much hope for a future with me and Josh.  

Josh pulled me from my reverie. “I guess we should retaliate.  I am sure the little ones have plenty more balloons stoked up.”

I laughed and shook my head.  “Little water bombers.  They had better watch out.”  

We grabbed the balloon and went chasing off after them.  It had devolved into an outright water fight.  If you even thought about trying to take cover you would be soaked.  Soon it was every man for himself.

Once I helped get the kids all dried off,  I cleaned myself up and dressed for dinner.  It was good to get out of all the wet clothes. I slipped into some jeans which were thankfully warm and a t- shirt.  The tantalizing smell summoned everyone.  Seeing one of littles going for the food with their grubby hands, I intervened and filled a plate for her.  One child became two and it seemed I was helping them all by the time everybody was seated. I was happy to help because looking after the kids showed Brian and others that I was responsible.  That would give me more freedom. At least it was the thought at the time.

 I looked over the remains and made a small plate for myself and then found a lawn chair to sit in. As I sat down, Josh slid into the seat next to me.

“Hungry?”  I asked, offering him my plate.

He shook his head,  “Nah, I already had 2 plates while you were playing nursemaid.  You need all of what you have, Kitten”  He stated simply.

I rolled my eyes at the comment. "I will, I promise. Just don't rush me." I said hoping to placate him.  However, the only thing that was going to take those piercing critical eyes off  me was my compliance.

He smirked at my comment, gesturing a second time towards my plate. "I wouldn't dream of it."

I laughed at him, "You're so full of it. I can tell by the way you smirk, you're just dying to boss me around, aren't you?"

"And you are just dying to submit, aren't you?" he quipped.

I blushed and looked away, not wanting to admit that it didn’t sound too bad being bossed around by him. "I won't deny that you're correct."

"In that case, hand me your plate." He demanded reaching out for it.

I turned away from him trying to keep it out of his reach.  He simply stood there waiting with expectation that I would follow his lead. Slowly I handed him my plate with a slight blush on my face.

Once in his hands, I watched him strut away to the food table.  He loaded the thing almost to the breaking point with the tender meats and savory sides.  He even placed a chocolate chip cookie on top.  In his other hand, he had a can of Sprite for me.

As he returned I smiled up at the feast that laid before me.  It was impressive but honestly a little overwhelming how he was taking care of me.

"Thanks, I really appreciate this."  I said a bit sheepishly.

"My pleasure. Only the best for my kitten." He said removing some hair from my face.

I blushed deeply, his little expressions of affection making me feel something I couldn’t explain.   "You're really going to keep doing all of this for me, aren't you?" I said looking away in embarrassment because of the riches of affection I had received.  

He looked deeply in my eyes.  His face did not have the tell tale smirk that he was about to be a jerk, so I almost thought that he might be sincere.  "Why would I stop? You are my queen."

I laughed the comment off. He was playing with me."I'm your queen, am I? Why would I be your queen, of all people? You've got so much more going for you than I do."

His eyes flashed with something that I could explain at that time.  I know full well now what that meant, then I was innocent.  His voice turned a bit cooler. "Tonight when you go to bed I want your journal about all the reasons you think that. Then I want you to reflect on how they are all lies limiting yourself." He said quietly letting the order set in.  He glanced over my plate frowning. A third time he gestured to my plate before issuing his final order on the matter.  "But you are stalling by flirting with me. Eat your food, Kitten." 

I laughed at his sudden sternness to shake off the uncomfortable vibe I was feeling. Taking a deep breath I lightly strummed my rubber band to ground myself.  After a couple beats I had stuffed my anxiousness and breathed out the only acceptable answer. "Yes sir." I smirked and turned my attention to my plate.

He nipped my earlobe. "Its master."  

I let out a small squeak and blushed trying to suppress laughter and keep a straight face in the face of his arrogance .

"Yes, master." I said, my voice oozing with sarcasm.

He kissed the top of my head. "Good girl."

Keeping my emotions under control was impossible at this point.  I was too anxious and overwhelmed. It took several beats to volley back to him.

"I've been such a good girl, haven't I?" I asked playfully.

He laughed, shaking his head, "Whatever it is, the answer is no. Eat your food kitten.” He reminded me with an irritated sigh.

I laughed at his frustration and  rolled my eyes, digging into the fabulous feast he had retrieved for him.  “I will.  I will.”

I had to admit his taste was good, when choosing for me. I also liked the banter between us.  It was simultaneously keeping me in check and keeping me in the moment.  However this was dangerous.  I had a feeling either of us could lose control at any moment, family, friends and littles be damned.  I didn’t know where that would leave me if I gave in to him too soon.  Sometimes he was serious.  Other times it was all fun and games.  It gave me whiplash the yo-yo of emotions I was on. I still believed that if I let my guard down for one second he would take advantage of me. 

He watched like a sentry over me, making sure no one would interrupt the meal I was savoring.  At the same time he was insuring my absolute obedience to his direction.  I cleaned my plate making sure I finished all that he offered me.  When finished I smiled up at him.  “Now that I am done eating can we sit and talk more?”  I asked hopefully.

Josh looked up and scanned the crowd.  He noticed Brian appraising our situation.  Josh shrugged,  “I should probably go see what the guys are doing.  We can’t have Chris and Joey blowing their heads off.”  He told me wistfully.  I think there was a part of him that didn’t want to be responsible.

I looked over to see what had Josh running scared from me.  I saw Brian’s watchful eyes on us.  It was obvious he did not approve.  It was probably for the best.  “Good luck with them.  I’m sure they’ll manage to get themselves in some trouble soon.”  I  called after him.  I replied with a playful tone.  He strutted off and tried to be the voice of reason when Chris and Joey were playing bigger and better with the fireworks.

I couldn’t stop laughing at Josh trying to act as the voice of reason.  He was gesticulating wildly and trying to get a cherry bomb out of Chris's hands.  I lifted a small prayer that no one blew their head off.  The boys were starting to play bigger and better.  It seemed Josh’s attempt to be the sane one failed miserably.  As things started getting more outrageous I began to worry about the safety of the little ones running around.  I focused on making sure they stayed out of trouble.  

 The last thing I wanted was for the kids to get caught up in the craziness that was slowly unfolding before their eyes.

Thankfully the fireworks they had bought were gone within an hour. The group contented themselves to watch the professional display from across the lake.  I was very relieved that the fireworks had been exhausted. The boys were taking things a bit too far, and it was just better for them to sit back and enjoy the professional display than to get themselves hurt because of their immaturity.

As things wound down Josh found his seat beside me again.  I took a deep breath wondering what to say.  I felt his presence before I saw him, as I turned and looked towards him my heart sped up.  I didn’t know if I could take much more of his flirtiness tonight.  It was doing all kinds of weird things to me.  But then again, there was something about it I wanted to be free to explore if just for one night.  Nerves wracked me as I hoped no one noticed what was going on.

I blushed as I felt his hand on my knee. I had been trying to keep my thoughts under control, but his touch was making it difficult. I had to find a way to shift his attention elsewhere.  I looked up at him and asked playfully,  "Did you come back just for me? I thought you were supposed to be supervising the boys?"

Josh shook his head, "No, they are done. I am done playing daddy tonight."

I laughed at his snarky chagrin over the whole situation and was glad that he could relax now that his friends were as safe as possible considering it was Chris and Joey.  

"Oh, that's good. I bet you had a hard time trying to keep those two in line tonight."  I commented trying to make light conversation.

He smiled tightly, "Nothing I haven't dealt with before."

I nodded in complete understanding,  curiously I asked.  "So how did you manage to get them to stop with the fireworks and leave it to the professionals? You can't have just given them a stern talking to and made it stop there."

He laughed, "That last boom, you heard, was the mother load. I have their keys, they aren't going back into town to get more. They are too drunk to drive anyway." He explained.

I snickered at the comment.  Josh always was thinking two or three steps ahead of his friends.  That was why most things went his way in life.  It was why the guys respected him and listened so closely to his advice, often following it.  

"The mother load? I'm impressed that you were able to get them to waste all of their fireworks tonight. They have a habit of taking things a bit too far sometimes, although that's part of the fun watching them.”  I said trying to needle more details of the story out of him to avoid talking about what his hand on my knee meant.

"I'm the 2nd oldest of the group, Chris I swear acts like he is younger than Justin most of the time so sometimes it falls to me to be the responsible one. But sometimes you can't be on duty all the time, especially when I have other things on my mind."

His arm moved around the back of my chair.  As he did so I shifted to be comfortable in the new position.  We were so close as the fireworks bursted high in the night sky.  I just hoped no one noticed how close we really were and interfered.  He sensed my comfort level and tried to bring even more closeness to us.  He tapped on the side of my neck to invite me to lay my head on his shoulder.  I didn’t resist his unspoken request, especially because he was inviting me to the position without forcing me.  It truly felt as if I had permission to choose whether or not to submit to his desires or not.  At that moment I decided to say yes.  I shifted my body laying my head on his shoulder.  The moment I did, I felt the heat radiate from the warmth of his body.  I sniffed the spiciness of his cologne mixed with the woodsy smell of the fire. My body was tingling from the tip of my nose down to my baby toes.  I felt like the girl in that Cobie Calie song.

Josh rewarded my willingness to submit to him with a chaste and comforting kiss to the top of my head.  The sparks that ignited in my body were more intense than any of the fireworks glittering across the sky.  His gaze followed the beauty of the moment, and I wondered what song was percolating through his neurons because his entire body purred of something bittersweet.  I tried not to let my mind wander beyond this moment or analyze its implications.  I just wanted it to be a beautiful moment under the hazy stars.

He must have sensed my mind go into overdrive so he whispered seductively into my ear.  “It's okay to like it.”

I froze, unable to think or move for a brief moment as the truth of my attraction for him dampened my fresh pair of panties. “Josh.”  I protested, not thinking of anything I could really say to him besides his name.

He simply whispered,  “Shhhh, Kitten.  It is okay.  I got you.”

I nodded slowly at him, my heart galloping at a rhythm out of sync with his steady breathing.  It was fear, anticipation, and sexual excitement wrapped up in a package that  I was too young to even begin to unpack.  I was thinking, was I really his?  Was I his kitten?  What did that mean?

If it felt like it did at that moment I knew I wanted it badly.  “So.. what are we?”  I bravely asked him.