It had been over two weeks since Nicole had slept with him, and again, his absence in her life seemed to be more noticeable than she had expected or wanted. She reached out once, a quick text a few hours after he left her apartment, but it was met with no reply. Initially, she shrugged it off. Her text didn't really warrant a reply, but the lack of communication and the  regularity at which her mind drifted back to their night together was bothersome. She could be shopping for spinach at the Vons, and she'd suddenly be transported back to the patio of The Brit, Josh pressed against her, ravishing her neck with kisses that seemed to set small fires on her skin. She'd be in her car, stopped at a red light, and she'd flash to his hands gliding down her back and gripping her hips as she straddled his lap. Nicole couldn't shake him. And that was a problem. It left her wondering, and over-analyzing, and picking apart everything. Completely spiraling. That's why she couldn't reach out. He had to make the move, and it was driving her crazy that he wasn't. 

Fortunately, she was busy and had vacation to look forward to. A welcome distraction was only four days away, and she was ready. She had packed her travel bag days ago and had been watching novelas every night. Her Spanish was about as good as it was going to get. 

It was early on Friday evening and Nicole was heading to Matt and Candace's house.  It was Matt's turn to host the monthly dinner, a tradition established many years before in their early twenties when the three of them, along with Jason, had all lived under one roof. Otherwise, homeless and not able to afford much by the way of rent, Nicole moved in with them. She tried to make up for her lack of monetary contribution by cooking. When they all moved and went their separate ways, Nicole and Jason hosted dinner once a month for nostalgic purposes. After Jason's death, the hosting duty rotated, but their commitment to the tradition remained strong. 

****

JC had the phone pressed between his shoulder and his ear as he leaned against the railing on the balcony outside his bedroom. He was distracted watching a mockingbird fly at a hawk who was venturing too close to the nest. 

"C! Hey C! Did you hear me?" his manager shouted into his ear, snapping JC out of his thoughts. 

"Sorry. What was that?" JC asked.

"Liz. She loves the changes. They think it will be her first single."

"Yeah? That's great news." JC responded, but without enthusiasm.

]"And Sony really likes the two demos. We need more of this. Where has this been?" His manager asked with a happy laugh.

"Yeah, man, I don't know. Just needed to get out of my head, I guess," he offered, kicking at leaves and pushing them off the balcony under the railing.

"Long Beach is good for you!" 

"Yeah. I like it there. It's a fun town." JC responded absently as his mind wandered back to his night with Nicole. Long Beach was a nice change of pace from what he was used to in LA. He didn't need to be on.  The pressure was off. He was not JC Chasez and whatever that might mean to people. He was just Nicole's friend, Josh. The sidekick. And she paid for his drinks! Had sleeping with her ruined it, though? Things were sure to be awkward. He had been avoiding her. His lack of guilt made him extremely nervous. He didn't trust himself. But she had said so herself, she wasn't looking for more than a hookup, right? Maybe it was just a one time thing. He could chalk it up to one night, one bad decision, under the influence of one too many heavy pours at a gay bar. They could be friends, and he could be just Josh once again.

"So, should we book more studio time there?" Eric asked suddenly, again pulling JC from his thoughts. 

"Yeah. Um yeah. But I have to look at my calendar. Eric, I have to take care of some things. I'll talk to you later." He quickly ended the call before Eric could protest.  

****

Nicole chose to walk the two miles to Matt and Candace's craftsman bungalow in the Bluff Heights neighborhood.  The barbecue was already smoking in the corner of the house's front courtyard and Matt and Joel stood, beers in hand, concentrating fully on the grill in front of them. Nicole slammed the gate to the courtyard behind her as she entered, breaking their concentration. She joined them at the grill, sliding in between both men. She planted quick kisses on both their cheeks, then moved away quickly to the ice chest sitting away from the grill. She pulled out a can of beer, opened it, and plopped down on the red-cushioned patio sofa. 

"What's cookin'?" she asked. 

Joel followed her lead, grabbed a fresh beer, and sat down next to Nicole on the sofa. "Burgers," he answered her as he slammed his hand down on her thigh and squeezed a few times, laughing at how she wriggled away from him in response. He released his grip on her leg.  "So, you all packed?"

Nicole nodded in response as Matt joined them, sitting in a patio chair across from them. He took a quick pull from his beer. "I don't get it, Nic. Why Mexico? You've been before."

"Not Mexico City. Not Oaxaca."

"But alone?" Joel added.

"I travel alone all the time."

"But Mexico isn't safe, and you're staying with strangers. I don't want to have to get ransom money together. I mean, why do you gotta be all everywhere, anyway? Who do you think you are? Carmen Sandiego?" Matt half teased. 

"Don't be dramatic." Nicole rolled her eyes in response. 

Matt mumbled a reply, but Nicole was too distracted by the buzz of her phone against her hip. She reached into her purse and retrieved the small device.  Josh's name appeared on the screen. She flushed slightly and willed herself to let the call go to voicemail. She wanted to be too busy to entertain his phone call, two weeks too late, but she was out of control at this point, and swiped the screen to answer, getting up from her spot next to Joel and walking a few paces away.  

"Hey Josh." She answered coolly. Joel turned sharply when he heard Josh's name. He laughed and whispered something to Matt. Nicole watched this happening and rolled her eyes. 

"Josh?" JC laughed slightly. "Hey Nicole." He laughed again. "I really like that I'm just Josh to you." 

"Are you really someone else?" 

"No, it's just-- never mind. How are you?" 

"Fine." 

"You're leaving on your trip soon, yeah?"

"Yes." She was short with him on purpose, hoping it would disguise her truthfully ridiculous excitement at hearing his voice on the other end of the line.

"I was hoping to see you before you were gone. What are you doing right now? I'm not far from you, um, working." This was a lie; he was sitting alone on his balcony. 

"Are you recording down here?"

"No. Just, I was working with some people down that way, not far."

"I'm at Matt's, we're doing dinner." 

"Tell him to come by!" Joel shouted, but Nicole tried to wave him off. 

"We're barbecuing. I'm sor--" Nicole tried to say.

"There's plenty, invite him!" Joel insisted again, loudly. 

Again, Nicole tried to wave him off, and took a few steps away. Joel, got up, charged at her, and took the phone. "Hey Josh, You're in Long Beach? This is Joel."

"I'm nearby." JC replied laughing. 

"You hungry? Do you eat meat, I feel like you celebrities are all vegan now?"

JC laughed. "Hardly a celebrity, and yes, I eat meat."

"Good, we're barbecuing. Come through." Nicole clawed at Joel, trying to retrieve her phone. He swatted her away. "Yeah... no, nothing... It's by Nic's... I'll text you the address." The call ended. Joel tapped away at the phone, then satisfied with the swish sound of a text message sent, tossed the phone back to Nicole, and reclaimed his seat.

Nicole stood stunned. "What if I don't want to see him?" She snapped at Joel. 

"You wouldn't have answered the phone." Happy with himself, Joel took a drink from his beer. "I'm your wingman, Nic," he winked at her with a smile. 

****

Three beers in, Nicole was feeling loose. Why she was so nervous was beyond her, but it was manifesting in sustained drinking. Dinner was ready, and Nicole helped Candace in the kitchen organizing plates, utensils, and various hamburger toppings. Matt and Joel entered with a plate full of cooked burgers. 

"Should we wait for Josh?" Joel asked. 

"Josh?" Candace questioned.

"Yeah, Nicole's, uh, friend, Josh." Matt replied, unsure how to categorize him.

"JC!" She snapped her head toward Nicole. "JC Chasez is coming to my house?" She squealed.

"Blame it on Joel, I didn't invite him," Nicole shrugged.

"I need to change! I should have cleaned." Candace abruptly dropped the stack of paper plates she was holding and scurried off into the other room. 

"He's not coming here for you!" Matt called after his wife. "Jesus Christ," he mumbled. "What am I? Chopped liver?" He called out to her again.

The three assembled their burgers and carried them on plates back outside to the courtyard. Nicole ate quietly and looked on as Matt and Joel talked about purchasing a boat together. It seemed like a waste of money to her, but she was content to reap the benefits. Just as Candace returned to the courtyard with nicely styled hair and a fresh layer of makeup, a black Jeep with tinted windows coasted into the driveway.

The passenger window rolled down and JC called through it. "It's okay to park here?"

"Yes, oh, of course, you can totally park there, no problem." Candace called back too enthusiastically. Flustered, and slightly embarrassed by her enthusiasm, she turned back to Nicole. "How do you stand it? He's so cute." She beamed. 

Nicole stared wide-eyed at Candace. She had always seemed so calm, and confident, and stunningly beautiful. She was just three inches shy from being a model. People were supposed to be flustered and nervous around her, not the other way around. She often wondered how Matt got so lucky.  But now, to see her completely losing her cool at the sight of Josh was completely out of character. Nicole glared at Joel then turned to Matt. "Control your wife, please." 

Annoyed, Matt called out to his wife. She joined him on the arm of his chair, and Matt wrapped a possessive arm around her waist. 

JC exited the car. He was dressed in a black t-shirt, black jeans, black and white checkered sneakers. His hair was wavy and stuck out in all directions, framing his face, and falling just above his shoulders. He was clean-shaven, and his eyes were bright. He was handsome without even trying. He smiled when he spotted Nicole seated on the corner of the patio sofa, legs crossed under her, with a plate of food in her lap. He walked straight to her, bent down, and placed an awkward kiss on her cheek. He turned to greet the rest of the group. Joel rose from his seat to give JC a handshake-turned side-hug.  Still seated, Matt released his grip on Candace's hip to shake JC's hand. 

Candace took the opportunity to jump up excitedly, shook his hand vigorously, and said, "Welcome to our home! I'm glad you could come tonight. Are you hungry? We have food. Matt grilled burgers, but if you don't like burgers, we have other things. I can make you whatever you want." 

"Candy!" Matt whined and tossed his crumpled napkin at her. "Be cool!" 

JC stood stunned by her rapid firing of words. It was hard to process everything, as the words quickly spilled from her mouth. He looked at Nicole for help, but she only shrugged in response.  "Burgers are fine," he mumbled. 

"Okay, c'mon, everything is just inside. I'll show you!" She led him to the front door, and inside. "Do you want anything to drink? Are you thirsty? We have..." her voice trailed off. 

Matt shook his head. "Jesus, she's out of her mind." 

Joel laughed. "Looks like you both have some competition."

"She can have him!" Nicole chuckled and took a big bite of her burger. "I'm not interested," she announced with a full mouth. "We're just friends. Matt better be keeping an eye on Candy."

"You are not just friends." Joel laughed. "Quit denying it. You don't have to hide it from us." He turned to Matt, "I caught them in bed together a few weeks ago."

"No! No, you did no such thing, Joel!" she argued in a warning tone. "He slept over because we were drinking."

"Nic's not fucking him. If she were, he wouldn't be here right now. She's the one and done type." Matt chimed in.  "Do whatever it takes to not catch feelings, right?" 

"Shut up, Matt," Nicole sighed, more offended than she wanted to be. 

He fixed a stern gaze on her, and continued,  "You spout a lot of bullshit about living a life full of purpose and meaning and being brave, but you're a scared shitless little girl, stuck in the shallow end of the pool, too scared to even float."

"Okay Mr. Metaphor!" Nicole stood abruptly. She tossed her plate, still full of food, on the table. "What the fuck is your deal, today?" 

"Nicole, sit down" Joel ordered. "Matt, what the hell, bro? Leave her alone." He turned back to Nicole. "We'll stop teasing you about him. I'm sorry. We're sorry." He returned his attention to Matt. "What's wrong with you, man?"

"Nothing. She's so stubborn. She won't do anything to fi-" he ended his thought early. "Same old shit, just another day with her!" He sighed.  

"I'm not fucking broken, Matthew! There's nothing to fix." She balled her hands into fists like a child ready to throw a tantrum.

Matt rose from his seat. "Why are you leaving in four days?"

"I'm going on vacation."

"Same time every year?"

"Matt, I'm a teacher, I have the whole damn month off."

"Always gone on July 12?"

"Matt, c'mon. Now's not the time." Joel took a few steps closer to him. 

"Always on July 12th?" Matt repeated.

Candace opened the front door, still nervously yammering away. She stopped suddenly at the all too familiar scene in front of her. JC almost walked into her. 

"Why do I need to be here on July 12th? To have a picnic at a graveside and light a goddamn candle?" She raised her voice slightly. 

"Call it travel. Call it vacation. Call it living your best fucking life. You and I both know it's really just running the fuck away. The one skill you have perfected." The tone of his voice hardened with each statement.

"Mathew Derickson!" Candace snapped, leaving JC, and charging toward her husband. "Why are you picking at this scab?" She placed her hands on Matt's chest. "Honey, stop. Leave her alone."

"You are just like your mother." He continued, now pointing at her. "Your father died, and she did whatever it took to be numb, and it killed her. And maybe it's not alcohol, and maybe it's not drugs, but it's careless decisions that you play off like evidence of being happy and having fun. You're just like her. You're miserable and you're reckless."

"Matt." Nicole spoke very calmly.  "I love you. Like, unconditionally. You are one of my favorite human beings. But not right now. I'm not staying for this. So, I'll let you cool off, and I will see you on Tuesday, when you drive my ass to the airport, so that I can go on vacation, to Mexico-Fucking-City." 

She walked to Joel. "And to think you left Kaylee at home in an attempt to avoid conflict." She wrapped her arms around his neck and pecked him on the cheek. "I love you too, Joel, and I will see you when I get back." 

"Don't go." Joel pleaded softly in her ear.

She turned to JC. "I walked here, and you can totally stay, but I have got to get out of here before I do something I will regret." 

"No, no, I'll drive you home." JC placed his still full plate of food down on the small table placed at the center of the patio furniture. "Candace, thank you for your, um, hospitality." He reached into his pockets and pulled out his keys. He pushed the key fob and the doors to his Jeep quietly unlocked. Nicole hurried into the passenger seat, closed the door, and sat quietly, eyes downcast until JC pulled out of the driveway and down the street.