Suede, 12:39 a.m.

I guess you could say that besides him being drop dead gorgeous, sweet, and funny the main thing that attracted me to him was his quiet nature. He’s a man that’s calm, and quiet. He’s not shy, but he’s reserved. It takes him a while to become fully comfortable with someone. And even then he would much rather just sit in silence with someone than sit there and ramble about meaningless things.

But right now I’m a little drunk and he won’t shut up and he won’t stop saying all this shit in my ear.

And I hope he never does.

His hand on my thigh, his lips near my ear, kissing occasionally against my neck and the fact that between the two of us we’ve drowned more than a half a bottle of Grey Goose makes me want to throw out my morals and have him right here in the club for everyone to see.

“Let’s go back to the room.” His lips press against my ear, his arm is around my shoulders, pulling me into him and his hand... God, why did I wear this dress? It’s short and I put it on in hopes that he’d notice. Well he’s noticed and if his hand gets any fucking higher on my thigh I think I might be in serious trouble.

I breathe hard and reach for the shot glass that Megan just poured for me. “I’m not having sex with you Justin…” I drown it back and it goes down smooth. It took me a few shots to get over the sting. But now it just melts. Fuck, he’s licking my neck. “…yet.”

I hear him laughing. It’s a deep chuckle. “Why not?”

I sit up and it makes him pull away from me for a moment. I look at him and wink, “’Cause I’m not that easy. You have to work for me.”

“I’ve been working hard, girl. You got me all sweatin’ and hot for you.”

“You’re drunk, Justin.”

He bites his lip. “So’re you.” He sits up and says it close to me. I realize now how drunk he really is, how drunk we both are. His words are slurred and I’m leaning into him to hear what he says, unable to really judge personal space. I look over as Megan and Josh get up to go dance again.

I danced with Justin earlier and honestly thought I might orgasm right there on the floor. I know that sounds crude but this man knows how to work his shit. I’m hanging by a thread here. He’s got me hot and sweatin’ him, as well. I’ve always been one to stick up for my little moral about sex. I’m not into random hook ups and not into one night stands, and even though Justin and I are dating…I pause and start to giggle. Justin and I are dating. I shake my head of the giddy thought. Even though we are, it’s only been like a day and I’m not ready to give it up…yet.

But damn would it feel like heaven. I bet he knows how to slide it in just fucking right. I bet he would go down on me.

Hehehehehe, he would go down on me. Ok, ok, I have to stop.

I take a deep breath and feel his hand rub up and down my back, the dress exposes a lot of it and his fingers against my skin are like fire. “I can’t help myself, Mere. Your body is just like, banging in that dress.” He looks me up and down and his eyes lock on to my chest. He starts to smile and leans in and hits his head against my shoulder and leaves it there. “I see breasts.”

I laugh and poke him in the side before readjusting the plunge neck of my dress to make sure nothing is poking or peeking out. Ok, so I admit I dressed a little scandalous. And maybe it was wrong and maybe I knew I was going to get myself into trouble and tease the hell out of him. But it’s all in good fun. “I see a bulge.” He looks down at his lap and drops his mouth like he’s shocked and covers his lap with is hands. It makes me laugh. “Dork.”

He laughs and before I can do anything he’s got both his arms around me, pulling me back into the dark corner where we are sitting. His fingers press into my lower sides and I start to laugh. I hit him a little to get him to stop tickling me and he just holds me, laughing as I get situated leaning back against him. He starts to kiss the back of my neck softly and whispers to me. “Don’t you wanna go back and fool around a little?”

I sigh. Yes, God yes. I want to. But I’m not here with just him. Megan’s here as well and if I just ditch her to go make out with a hot ass boy, well, I’m sure she’d understand but I’d still feel horrible about it. I turn and pout a little. “I’m supposed to be hanging out with Megan. I never get to see her.”

“I think she’s having fun with her virgin boy. And you never get to see me, and I leave tomorrow.”

I realize he’s right. I tried to push that thought away when Trace mentioned it this afternoon at Lyric. I tried not to think about it when Megan and I were getting ready for tonight. It was nice to talk to her about Justin, to actually have someone to dish with, but she didn’t know much more than I did. Justin hasn’t given me much to work with. I mean he likes me, he thinks I’m hot. And he says he cares about me, but I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s just him wanting to have sex with me. Clearly he wants to. I start to smile. I don’t know why the thought of him wanting to do me makes me happy. Maybe it’s cause he’s just so damn hot. But I want more than that with him. I, I really like him. Like really. I haven’t been interested in a guy in so long. The last guy I was with was my boyfriend in college, but well, that ended right after I got signed and dropped out. It wasn’t like we ended all mad. It was sad I guess, but we both knew that it would be too hard to keep it up after I left.

Oh and there was that guy in high school, but he so doesn’t count. I’m older now, more grown up, and I know what I want. And I want Justin. And I want him to want me back, like want to be with me for a while. I know it’s only been a few days and I know this is probably the vodka talking but I really can see myself being able to fall in love with this guy.

I turn and put my arms around him, because it feels good but mainly I do it ‘cause I don’t want to let him go. “When will I see you again?”

“I don’t know. I’ll call you and we can figure it out. Right now…” He brings his hand up to my face and holds my neck and my cheek and smiles at me. I wish his smile would comfort me. It was his bright smile that could always get me through the worst recording sessions. It was a rough time for me. A time when I just wanted to run and hide and I did that in the studio, with him. For hours it would just be the two of us, late at night when the techs had already left and Trace had gone out to get us food or gone home to sleep. It’d be four in the morning and he would have just made me some coffee or tea and he’d pull out his guitar and just sing with me, not recording, just letting whatever was there flow out. I’d be depressed about my situation, unable to hit the notes I needed to, unable to sound decent. And he would just smile, “Relax Meredith, don’t think about it too hard.” I honestly don’t know how I kept my hands off him then, but at least I have him now.

“Right now, let’s make out.”

“We’re in public.” I’d give anything to just be able to give into him. But I know somewhere around here Courtney is lurking and would shit her pants if she saw us like this. Someone could see, I know. Someone could snap a picture, I know. But right now, I just want to be with him. ‘Cause I only have a few more hours with him.

He pulls his forehead against mine and leaves it there. “Mere, I don’t give a fuck.” He smiles and kisses me quickly. “It’s dark, and it’s private up here. No one will see.” I can’t help myself and when he goes to kiss me again I let him do whatever the hell he wants. He pulls me hard against him and kisses me furiously. Damn, this guy can kiss, too. He’s not too sloppy with it, but not so technical that it feels like he’s done this so many times. We kiss and kiss and the next thing I know he’s pulling me so that I’m in his lap. Well, really I’m straddling his lap and I know with my short dress and in public and with us being this drunk I shouldn’t be doing any of this right now. But like he just said, I don’t give a fuck.

He pulls away and starts kissing down the front of my neck. His hands are on my hips, gripping me tight. I love his hands, they’re big and masculine, but not too rough to the touch. Oh, I wish he’d touch me more. Shit, fucking shit he’s kissing my cleavage. “I can’t wait until you let me have sex with you.”

I laugh. He’s so drunk. He would never say this type of stuff if we weren’t tipsy. I pull away for a moment and pout at him playfully. “Is that all you want from me?”

“Come on, you know I care about you, girl.” He smiles and then moves his eyes from my face down across my body. I feel his hands grip my hips tighter and he pushes his lap up in between my legs. I bite me lip at how it feels. This is dangerous. “But dammit,” he growls out. “Ever since I met you girl, I wanted to just lay you down and fuck you all night. You came in that studio wearing that little tank top and those little stretch pants all tight on your ass.” He closes his eyes for a moment and then blindly leans in to kiss me. I don’t know what is it, but part of me is really turned on by what he said and the other part is a little fearful. I know he’d never hurt me. Justin’s not that kind of guy, but the more he keeps talking like this, the more and more I’m gonna give in and the more and more I’m going to want him to just lay me down and fuck me all night, tonight. And it’s just too soon and it would weird me out and it would ruin everything.

“Mere,” He breathes my name out and opens his eyes, “I’ve had a lot of girls, but you’re the fucking hottest.”

I pull back. That last shot starts to hit me and I feel dizzy and confused. “Why are you telling me this?”

He sucks in a breath and pulls his hands off my body. “I’m sorry.”

I pull him back. I don’t care that he’s been with a lot of girls. I assume he’s been with a hell of a lot. He’s Justin Timberlake. And right now I’m sitting on his lap. I smile and kiss him. “How many girls?”

“Like eight.” He shrugs.

“Oh…” For some reason I’m surprised. I had suspected him to be this huge player, Wilt Chamberlain type. I don’t know. “That’s not too bad.”

I guess a part of me is just waiting for something to mess up, waiting for him to not be as picture perfect for me as he seems. I haven’t had a lot of luck with guys since I’ve been in the music industry. I’ve had a few people call me up on dates but I wasn’t interested or either way too busy. And now I’m way too busy, but I’m interested, God, more than interested. And I’m so willing to make time for him.

I just hope I don’t get crushed.

“Mere, I gotta ask you…” He pulls away and I kiss his neck softly and lean my head on his shoulder. I run my hands over his upper arms and can feel his muscles underneath his button down shirt. I wish I could see them. This morning right when Courtney busted open the door, he had just emerged from the shower. I almost fainted when he casually walked out in a towel. And the look that Courtney gave me seemed to scream “slut.” But I don’t care. He was half naked and still wet and he was fucking gorgeous. And we were together. We are together. “Mere…”

“Hmm?” God, he even smells perfect.

“Are you like that Josh guy…”

I pull away confused, but as he stares at me serious yet softly I know he’s asking whether I’m a virgin. Oh no, not again. For some reason I give off this virgin vibe. My last boyfriend, Rex, I know don’t laugh, he told me that for the longest time he never brought up sex cause he assumed I was a virgin.

Well, I’m not.

At all.

“I’m not telling,” I tease him.

“Please….”

“Would it matter?”

He thinks for a moment, puts his hands around my waist and then nods. “Well yeah. I mean, I don’t wanna be pushing you too much if you ain’t never done it.”

Man, this kid does need to be laid. It’s all he’s talked about ever since the liquid started getting a little lower than the top of the label in the bottle. I guess its flattering that he wants me that much, that I turn him on that much. But since I’m a little tipsy too, it’s hard to decipher if he really wants me or if he just wants to fuck someone. “Even if I have done it, you shouldn’t push me Justin.”

“I’m sorry.” He pulls me back and leans himself back against the cushion. It’s quiet, despite the thumping sounds of music, and it feels good to be held, but my legs are starting to feel weird, and I realize I’m still straddling him and my dress is riding way too dangerously up to my hips. “So…” He clears his throat. “Are you?”

I laugh and finally whisper in his ear, “I’m not a virgin, Justin.”

“So how many?”

I laugh and pull away and smack his shoulder. “Justin!”

He’s smiling at me and grabs at my hands. “Come on girl, we’re fucking dating now. None of this secrecy shy shit. You know how many I’ve been with.”

I hesitate. Not ‘cause I’m embarrassed or ‘cause I don’t think he should know. In fact, I’m not quite sure why I hesitate. I guess a part of me really wants this conversation to end. I want to be back at my hotel room, lying around and making out with him and him be sober and not so obsessed with sex and actually talking to me. And then we’d fall asleep and he’d leave the next day.

I frown. “Just two.”

He touches my hair and has a strange lopsided grin. “You’re a sweet girl. Boyfriends?”

“Yeah. We’re yours all random?”

“Some were.” He kisses me, slowly and pulls away saying close to my lips, “Does that make you upset?”

“I don’t think so.”

He smiles and I feel him grabbing my ass a little through the thin material of my dress. “You like having someone more experienced than you, don’t you?”

I laugh and figure that enough is enough. If he’s gonna play this horney dog game and tease me and tease me after I told him I wasn’t ready, I’m going to tease him back. He’s found the seam of my thong through my dress and is running his finger slowly across it right above my ass and towards my hips. I lean down close to him and kiss his lips briefly. “Who says you’re more experienced? Just ‘cause you’ve had sex with eight different girls doesn’t mean you’re more experienced than me. You might have just had sex with eight different girls…each one only once. My poor two little boys that I’ve been with, well I might have fucked them every day for a year. Then who’s more experienced?”

His breathing is shallow and he asks, “Every day?” I can’t help but giggle and he smacks my ass as a response. Oh shit, he shouldn’t have done that to me. “You’re a tease.” He grits out smiling.

“And you’re up to no good.” I move off of him, quickly in a last moment of sanity and stretch my legs out in front of me, sitting next to him.

“You got me drunk and you’re taking advantage.”

“I haven’t taken advantage of you yet, Justin.”

He’s on me faster than I can snap my fingers, pulling me close and growling in my ear, “When will you?”

“Damn! You need to get laid or something!”

He searches my eyes and smiles, “So do you.” Ok, so he’s got me there. I push him away and then let him put his arm around me and lean against me a little bit.

“But not tonight, ok?”

“Ok…” He takes a deep breath, adjusts his shirt for a second, pulls all his hands and arms and his body a half a foot away from me and then works to re-roll one of his sleeves. “I’ll keep my hands to my self.”

“Justin…” I laugh and watch as he busies his hands with other things, tapping on the counter, biting his nails. It’s like he’s jittery, like a fucking addict or something. I have to wonder why and hope maybe it’s ‘cause he just can’t keep his hands off me. God, it makes me feel so good to know that maybe, maybe he does really want to have sex, but he really wants to, with me…me. I mean, I think he really does really like me. I grab his hands in mine. “I still want you to fool around with me tonight. But after I’ve sobered up.”

I want to mess around with him, but I know I need to be sober. I need one of us to be so that I can stop and say no and control myself. ‘Cause its hard to control myself around someone like him. He nods and taps my head, then his own. He’s a silly drunk. And it’s absolutely adorable. “I see what cha mean.”

It’s quiet for a moment. At least, it’s quiet between us. The club is noisy, and for a moment things between us seem awkward. Ya know, what? Just fuck it. I lean back and grab him and pull him on me and kiss him. He laughs this panty-melting laugh and just smiles at me before kissing me some more. His hand wanders up my side and his thumb intentionally brushes underneath my breast. I glare at him. He knows what he’s doing and all he does in response to the look I give him is grin at me.

“I can’t believe I have to get up in like six hours,” I say.

“Then you can’t drink no more.”

I laugh and he sits up and pulls me down so I’m leaning against his shoulder. He kisses the top of my head and it makes me at ease. “What if I was still drunk at Good Morning America?”

“You’re ass would be in trouble.” He laughs. “It would be hot and fine and I’d want to grab it. But it would be in trouble.”

“Where’s Courtney, she can take us home…” I look up at him and he smiles at me. I’m starting to fall in love with that smile, that smile that seems only for me. That little drunk, curious smile that…he just licked his lips. Damn, he really is good looking.

I feel a presence plop beside me and look over to see my best friend. I immediately hug her and kiss her cheek. I’m so glad she’s here. I know we haven’t talked much at the club but she’s with her boy and I’m with mine. And that’s what’s great about her, I don’t have to explain to her or tell her I’m sorry. It’s enough that we sometimes only get to have lunch and get to have a few hours to gossip and dish in person within a month. She’s been my number one support since this started. She was the one who convinced my parents it would be ok and she’s always understood. She’s the best. She even stuck with me after both our reputations were ruined. She didn’t blame me and she didn’t blame my fame when only a few months ago she became known as the dyke dancer at her college. “You’re back!” She laughs and makes some comment about Josh not having any rhythm. He pouts at her. “Have you seen Courtney?”

She shrugs and a drink is brought to her. She immediately starts to sip on it. It’s girly, all pink and fruity. It looks good and I realize that I really want another, even though I know it would be the death of my career tomorrow. “I think she’s been with Trace all night.”

“Really? Where are they at?”

“They were over there about thirty minutes ago and then they disappeared.” She points over to this little mini bar area in the VIP section. I search that area with my eyes but don’t see anyone familiar. Tiny is standing there with a finger in one ear and a cell phone against the other. I wonder where Teddy went.

Justin starts to laugh. “He’s boning her! I just know it.”

“Oh please!” I laugh and roll my eyes. Yeah right, I don’t think Courtney has a sexual bone in her entire body. Yeah, she let us come out tonight, but she complained about it. And for the first few hours she monitored my alcohol content and would give me a look if Justin touched me or if I kissed him on the cheek. Thank God Trace some how managed to pull her away.

“Well he does have a mutantly large penis.” Megan says and by the look on Josh’s face we all start to crack up. I’m laughing so hard with Justin I can’t even help her explain what that joke means. And then Justin starts to tickle me and I start squealing.

I know I probably sound pathetic and like some stupid pig, but I really, really hate to be tickled.

“We got a problem.”

The tickling stops and we all look up to see Courtney there. It’s still shocking to see her in a black skirt and a tank top. She actually looks kind of cute, but her face looks worried and stress so I’m sure it’s the same old Courtney under the new clothes. Trace is standing near her and takes a seat on the other side of Justin.

“What?”

She runs her hands through her hair and then lets them fall by her sides. “They know you both are here, together.”

“How do they know that?” I ask.

Her eyes narrow slightly, “Apparently someone spotted you two furiously making out up here and they apparently worked for some magazine. And now we have about twenty photographers or so outside waiting.”

I start to feel dizzy and I’m pretty sure it’s not the alcohol. At least, I hope its not. “Shit.”

“And we need to get you back, but you have to listen to me, ok?” I nod at her. She doesn’t seem too angry with me and that’s a plus. Normally, she’d have ripped me from my seat and told me to move and then yelled at me that I did something wrong. Maybe she does have a soul somewhere in there behind the tough, stressed out exterior. I hope so.

“How you feeling man?” I look over and Justin is shaking Trace’s hand. He gives him the ok sign with his fingers and sways a little. I start to realize that we had a lot to drink. Most of the bottle is gone, and he drank a lot faster and a lot more than I did.

“A-ok.”

“They’re pulling the car up. Teddy is going to take you.” He magically appears behind Courtney, talking to Tiny about something and pointing to somewhere. I feel bad now, I feel like I’ve caused a big screw up for everyone. But I guess it was time for us to be heading home anyway. “Megan and Josh, you guys go behind Meredith. And then Tiny and you guys will come home a little later.” She points to Justin and I realize that she’s separating us.

I guess it makes sense. Less hassle and less attention if we come out separate but still. I wanna ride home with him. And I wanna stay with him tonight.

“But that means…” I turn to Justin and pout, “You’re not coming home with me.”

He gives me a hug, kisses my cheek and whispers in my ear, “Wait up for me. We won’t be long.”

“You promise you’ll come by?” I feel Megan pulling on my hand and I stand up and let them pull me out of the booth.

Seconds before I was making out with him and now I’m being ripped away. It’s not fair!

“I promise.” He winks at me and I’m pulled into the crowd. Teddy grabs my hand and the next few minutes blur by. I’m pushing in between people and then a blast of fresh air and what seems like a million flashing lights go off. I’m all but thrown into the backseat of the car that brought us. I quickly lean down and lay my head in Megan’s lap as the driver waits for people to move so we can actually pull out. I can still see flashing going off and I know they have the lenses right up against the glass.

I hate this.

When the car starts to move I look up at Megan and say, “You think he’ll come see me tonight?”

“Of course, you’re putting out, right?”

I glare at her and sit up.

“Why not?” She laughs. Josh starts to check his voice messages but mumbles something under his breath about Megan being “obsessed.” I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about.

“You know why.”

“Yeah, but he’s hot Meredith.” She shrugs and flops her arm around my shoulders. I’m really, really glad she’s here. I know she has classes tomorrow, but maybe after I’m done with everything we can hang out again. I have a feeling I’ll need her once Justin flies away. “He’s not like the last three sleaze balls that asked you out.”

“I like him so much.”

She leans her head on mine. But it’s not her who speaks to me next. “And he likes you.”

I sit up a bit and stare at the back of Courtney’s head. “You really think so?”

“That’s a stupid question.” She sighs and turns around from the middle seat of the SUV that she’s been sitting on by herself and looks at me. “Trace already said he’d be sure to bring him by…”

I grin, thinking back to what Justin said about Trace ‘boning’ her. I wink at her. “Trace, eh?”

“Well that is his best friend and assistant.” She rolls her eyes at me and normally I would be pissed off, but at this point I don’t care. She’s being halfway decent and accepting and not ripping me apart for liking him and telling me that its not worth it and that I don’t have time. Like she did this morning.

“I think she wants him.” I whisper to Megan and she laughs with me and leans against Josh. I lean against her and I hear him laughing to himself saying something about a human pillow. He’s a nice guy. Virgin or not, he fits Megan. I hope it works out. She deserves a great guy.

“You look tired, Mere.” She says to me and I feel her rub my head a little bit. My eyes start to close and I yawn.

“I am.” It starts to hit me like a brick. The alcohol in my belly, the long hours, the fact that I’ve only gotten about 4 or 5 hours of sleep each night the past week and the excitement of being in New York, promoting my single and being with Justin has led me to this: Lifeless in the back seat of an Escalade. “I really, really am.”